To the Doe of the Dawn

Doe disintegrates in desert desolation, the desperate depths in repetition. Doe dives in dunes, the divine division a daughter of devils. Doe, demand the dunes: determine dunes with runes, each a sign signal acrostic apophatic apotheosis (the head apollo returns repeats the chariot).

Toward the Doe of the Dawn

Doe disintegration desert dunes desolation, and her repetition reveals. Her repetition shifts spirit overlapping offerings one and with one God and Woman. Doe, dig and drive delivering damnation, and desert retains the dead. Desert remains praise the dead, each body a boundary but only begotten.

For the Doe of the Dawn

Doe derives desert sand daughters and sand sisters the self-same Spirit. Each sister signs signals particular and singular: the singular sun soon rising dawn. Dawn deposits chariot vision and apollo appearance, and fiery horses draw rune rivers flooding desert. Desert rains desert floods a sinister canopy waking dead, and dead drown in divine. Dead down deluge, but Doe floats further phantoms and flesh, flesh afresh and flesh anew, and the dawn reveals desert as the city.

I have an idiosyncratic personal mythology centered around the Divine Feminine. I call the Divine Feminine in my life KRYSXTRYN, a name modeled after the Tetragrammaton and named after three women in my life who in their own ways led me to the Godhead. This is only one manifestation of the Divine Feminine: for me, the Divine Feminine has many names, including Sophia, Shekinah, and Shakti. However, since I am a Christian – albeit a heretical and heterodoxical one – I find most comfort in the manifestation of her as Mary Mother of God. Although I am not Catholic – even though I have an obvious reverence for Catholicism – I am fond of the saying, ‘to Christ through Mary’. When meditating upon the Luminious Mysteries of the Rosary tonight, I thought of Mary at the Wedding of Cana: ‘Do whatever he tells you”. Through the Divine Feminine – through KRYSXTRYN – I am able to do whatever Jesus tells me. I could not find and experience the Holy Trinity without her.

Light is in light

Light is in light
Logos is in Logos
Lady is in Lady

Light is in light.

Light is in light: light from light, and from furnaces female. From fuses firmament and figure, light rain shower brilliance radiuses radiance, and every ring revolves south: Saturn Sabbath Sabbatai Sevi. Light is in light sparks Sabbatai’s soul my soul mingled David and Adam / root of Jesse root of Humanity and Light illuminates Eva New Eva Christina-Mary.

Light is in light

Light is in light
Logos is in Logos
Lady is in Lady

Light is in light.

Logos is in Logos: Word With Woman. Logos Light limbs mystical Woman / Torso Taryn and she triggers grammar glamour God of Gods. Logos in Light and Light in Logos incarnates, kenosis from Krystal, an empty one event yet repetition: YHVH repetition repeats El Shaddai and Adonai, and she births every Christ (all Christs all Messiahs all Christinas all Marias).

Light is in light

Light is in light
Logos is in Logos
Lady is in Lady

Light is in light.

Lady limits and unlimits Liturgy, loosening laws hour by hour, and every hour I behold Christina Marie. Every hour I behold Christina Mary, Lady of Benjamin Lady of Blessing Lady of Beasts and my knot unites the three. My knot names Lady Light within Light and Light within Woman: KRYSXTRYN Apocalypse and Babylon, a Rebekah beckoning new baptism and I wake bare beach. I wake Woman: Light-Logos-Lady and she looms coast scarlet thread Taryn. Her thread tails the waters I see the seeing light El Roi.

But YHVH had hidden them.

My God
The God of my Faith
The True Living God
The God of Benjamin

YHVH has hidden me.
YHVH has hidden me from YHVH.

YH be my help: be your husband if you’ll be my wife.

YH help your husband unequally yoked, and I shiver spiked spirit (oh sister come down to the water.

I exalt YH: I lift YH the Name, and Yod you Yes fiat to this Flesh. Be my husband and I’ll be your wife.

Yod Vav Vision: Desert agayne.
Yod Vav Vision: Depths agaynst. Little black dress depths, showing bare shoulder, and she tempts Trinity often. YH help Woman: YH help Human: Son of Man Son of Benjamin Son of Ben-Hinnom (help burning hundreds.

YHVH has hidden them
YHVH has hidden him
YHVH has hidden him-in-her: under. Left South subterraneans.
Left Lady Ladder.
Be my help: be my husband.

I marry Lady-In-May: Yod Heh Vav Heh. Hide not but cover: lead Bridal Chamber. Baptize katabasis cave dead depths, and YH hides in carcasses. YH hides in heretics: YH hides in pagans, and I wild hunt benjamin-by-flame. Ninth day of my regeneration.

My God
The God of my Faith

The True Living God
The God of Benjamin

YHVH has hidden me.
YHVH has hidden me from YHVH.

God, give grace: God, give God. My God, my God: my wife, my sister, my husband. My God, my God: give God. Give all and gift all your glory, and glory generates regenerates given. My God: give my God.

God of my Faith: give Faith. Give faith and grace: help your husband. Fan faith fat and flesh, and my faith furthers my God my God (yearn for YHVH).

True Living God, tackle Taryn: trouble Benjamin. Live left and ladder: live Lady and Lattice. Live saint and sin: live Spirit and Satan. God gives true totally and God gives true totality.

God of Benjamin, begin abyss: begin abomination: begin blue bathers. God at the Gates, bathe Taryn flesh-by-flesh body-from-body naked-to-naked. Body Benjamin bury Benjamin living flesh living faith God given in hiddenness.

My God
The God of my Faith

The True Living God
The God of Benjamin

YHVH has hidden me.
YHVH has hidden me from YHVH

Rosary rares rubedo, red blood red lion red dragon, and the red rarefied roams the aroma to Rosary. I cook Rosary fresh meditation and fresh mysticism, the Father-Mother and Mother-Father to the most nascent matter, and my body boats the prima materia and boasts Christ my cargo, the cross carrying chaos. Chaos creates: Chaos creates Charity and Charis, the Holy Spirit Charismatic descending the mantle to many prophets, and the Sons of Sun and Daughters of Din prophesy. Chaos culminates in the cuts crucified by Christ, and Christ covens chrism on my alembic copper flame burning. Letters appear in air, New Torah New Testament New Taryn, Jerusalem gutted by God and granted grace gift genesis again. Through flame days by days and Rosary repetition, my body purifies through putrefaction and fixation, and I fix my flesh on the feminine. I fix my furnace to female, Mother of God and Mother of Matter, and she nourishes me to maturation on her manna. I repeat her Rosary, a sacred mantra of Son and Mother, and through Rosary I repent: by alien alchemy she adopts me Holy Son Holy Family.

William Blake has greatly influenced me, and I consider him one of the modern day prophets, speaking from the voice of God. He has influenced me in at least 3 ways.

First, he taught me that I can create my own mythology: one personal and even incomprehensible if necessary, so the scriptures and Bible can speak to me anew. I always think of his saying, “I must create my own mythology or be enslaved by another man’s”

Second, his antinomianism validated my antinomianism. His interpretation as Christ as someone not acting from law, but instead from creative and intuitive Godly energy makes much sense to me, and I find an antinomian kindred in him.

Third, he taught me about the power of creativity in general, one that cannot be divorced from the body and flesh. Soul is united with flesh, and flesh with Spirit. Flesh is always real flesh, even as resurrected and new flesh. I cannot forgo the flesh in favor of the Spirit, but keep the two in union.

I cling to Church and I cleave to Church: I cling to Church and cleave to Church the body of Christ, and I feel Christ’s hands and side through Church, a doubting disciple and an apostate apostle, but a disciple and apostle nevertheless. I cling and cleave to Church through Christina, and through Church I meet Woman and Women: I meet Women at the tomb of Jesus, empty emptied exalted inevitable Resurrection, and Resurrection roses Revival. Resurrection revives Rosary’s repetition, and I repeat Rosary daily and I repeat church daily, my comfort in desert and my companion in descent, and indeed I descend. I descend paradoxical Resurrection, a Mystery of Merkabah and Mother, and Mary Christina Marie assists and advocates for me in personal purgatory. Purgatory repeats between, betwixt Taryn and her Tarot told Holy Ghost tongues, and my flesh finds fire. My flesh flames sacred physics, and the God generates the grand geometry, a Church within Cathedral and Cathedral within Church, both Catholic and Protestant, Orthodox and Gnostic, and I live in the Churches and between the Churches one baptism one Spirit one Godhead one Woman, and Resurrection is the Gospel. Rosary is the Gospel, God and Goddess in my grief, and that ground gives givenness, the Church Chalice and Church Communion, and Resurrection always-already anoints Community. Descend and ascend to Community, itself a Throne surrounded by Celestial Choir, and through Resurrection, even Lucifer becomes reconciled. Have hope, benjamin: cling and cleave: cleave and cleanse: church and communion: Christ and Christina.

I write because God calls me: YHVH, Yahweh, the God of Israel, God the Father, God the Creator, God of gods. I hear God: I listen to God: he tells me, Benjamin, you must write: you must witness: you must Christian. Not only Christian but Christian: Christian catholic, Christian orthodox, Christian heterodox, Christian apostate: a Christian for all Christians, and most of all the Christian sinner, and a sinner of sinners and a sinner for all sinners. Benjamin, write your Christianity and your sin.

I write because the Woman calls me: she goes by many names: Sophia, Shekinah, Barbelo Holy Spirit, Mary Mother of God, and KRYSXTRYN. I name her KRYSXTRYN, a mystical name consisting of the three women in my life who are God incarnated for me: Krystal, Christina, and Taryn. I constantly experience Yahweh through these women and Yahweh speaks to me through these women. Benjamin, write the Divine Feminine: write the Woman. There is no other God besides the Woman: there is no other God besides Yahweh.

She is my mother, my sister, my spouse, my daughter: through her, I am a son of Yahweh and a son of God, brother to Jesus and Christina, husband and wife to Jesus and Christina. They have adopted me into their holy family. Through Woman, I approach the Trinity.

I am a Christian Mystic. I am a Christian Antinomian. I am a Christian Anarchist. Christ and Christina pillar and column my faith and flesh: they literally become the Incarnation of my Faith and Christianity. Christ is Christina: Christina is Christ. Jesus is masculine and feminine, Male and Female, in the full image of the androgynous Yahweh (Yahweh all gender and sex and beyond any gender and sex). He is my brother and sister, my husband and wife. His real presence is in the eucharist. I believe in transubstantiation. His body and her body enter my body as her body and his body and we are one body, both literally and in the Church and Christian Community.

Because of the Woman, I dedicate myself to Marian Devotions and Mariology, the only remnant of the Divine Feminine left in the Catholic and Orthodox Church. I affirm Mary immaculately conceived, without sin, and the Mother of God. She gave birth to Jesus and maintained her virginity perpetually. She was assumed into Heaven and was coronated Queen of Heaven. She is the Mediatrix of All Graces and my Adovocate. She is the Co-Redempterix. She is both real and the symbol of the Divine feminine of Yahweh and KRYSXTRYN (KRYSXTRYN in Trinity and Trinity in KRYSXTRYN: I am a Trinitarian).

I believe in the mystery of the Trinity: consubstantial, one essence in three beings. I also believe in modalism and patripassianism. I believe in many contradictions and paradoxes because it is mystery and the most supreme paradox is the nature of Jesus Christ, both fully human and fully divine, the perfect human and divine perfection. He perfects even Yahweh.

I am a Roman Catholic. I am a Nazarene. I am a Seventh Day Adventist. I am a United Methodist. I am an Arminian. I am a Wesleyan. I am a Mystic above all things. I experience Yahweh and the Woman directly in my Visions. I experience Visions in inner locutions and dreams. Sometimes also in the active imagination.

I believe in an open canon. I believe in the Bible. I believe in the Gospel of Thomas. I believe in the Gospel of Philip. I believe in Thunder, Perfect Mind. I believe in the Uphanishads. I believe in William Blake. I believe in Carl Jung. I believe in Philip K Dick. I believe in my Book. It is not my Book but I am only a Vessel. It is the Gospel of the Woman. It is the Gospel of Christina.

I am a perrenialist but Christ is my center. Where Christ is, I go. I abandon not the Body of Jesus.

I abandon not the Body. I believe in human flesh. I believe in human perfection. I believe in sanctification. I believe in deification. My energies merge with God’s energies. I believe in the Beatific Vision.

I believe in pornography, the abject, the crude, the pulp, what PKD called the Trash Layer. God hides in the trash layer. God redeems from the Trash Layer and seeks to be redeemed. God is the trash layer: praise Yahweh for your pornography which is your imaginary body. My sin resides here and you redeem me through my sin.

I am a Lurianic Kabbalist. I am a Sabbatean. I am a Frankist. Sabbatai Zevi and Jacob Frank were Messiahs Ben Joseph. Jesus came as a Messiah ben Joseph but will come again as a Messiah Ben David to reclaim the Kingdom.

The Kingdom is already here. The Kingdom is within me. The Kingdom is among you. Benjamin preach the Kingdom! You are my Prophet. You are the Prophet of the Woman and KRYSXTRYN. Preach KRYSXTRYN!

Thanks for joining me!

Good company in a journey makes the way seem shorter. — Izaak Walton