Harvey Pekar died today I saw American Splendor a few times (I’ve never read his comics I read his review of the Shape of Jazz to Come and I think perhaps I should read American Splendor I admired him (he kept complaining southern CA to disneyland and said it was plastic, wasn’t real. We’re all living in disneyland those others don’t exist. Sleep Talking is a beautiful tune Ornette stole it from Stravinsky and Stravinsky stole it from Russia and the Earth steals bodies ambiguous bodies and ambiguous death surrounding death and dead bodies they’re disneyland or Meg outside outside and it glorifies an engine Levi is the conductor crash shrrr even a train turtles up. The awesome part was my dad being cool, Christina says. He played pinball with Thomas’ dad and chatted with everyone. You don’t yourself not yet the already perhaps I don’t God differs from no God. Yourself god you don’t already differs from no God no no Levi says no (I don’t I suppose and no on those places where the flesh will be torn away flashes flesh no God is no. Whatever kills an animal shall make it good animal for animal (Sharp Tooth keeps knocking over his water container, Christina says. I tried punishing him. I tried leaving the turned over water bowl on the ground and not giving him more for a day. Nothing works. He keeps knocking it over, says C. The tusks of an elephant are its second up incisors Sharp Tooth’s incisors are more impressive he welcomes little fishes in with gently smiling jaws. Not my little fish! Levi says and Levi protects his little fish with swift boxing throwing something at boxes Sharp Tooth dodges Levi I have a catch of fish. My cat loves me, Meg says. He keeps moving in the room I’m in. He doesn’t want to be touched but the presence is nice, says Meg. Meg’s cat is Mavis that’s not Mavis, Levi would say Mavis is not a kitty Mavis is a choo choo train. They descend from a fish or a bird (a train resembles a bird faster than fast a fish stands no chance swoops I have a catch of fish. Sharp Tooth is not very big he has oversized jaws that go snap snap snap the animal is replaced by man.
I will no longer sleep a long along a long a nurse purses along many nurses a nurse is identical. Levi soon will miss benben benben’s becoming a nurse. To become a nurse, a nurse must eat the flesh of benben eating flesh (eating flesh is tantamount to ingesting her spirit eating consumes as God consumes the enter. Mad nurse and God he don’t fuck around none and a nurse works madness and I remember when I was mad now I am mad formerly mad God struck me. You are a genius, Christina says. I have no other geniuses in my life. I think of our relationship in high school as magical. When I remember high school, I add in my own sensational details. I don’t have ugly hair. I didn’t get angry when you kissed me on top of the head. We were connected beyond reality. I was a prophetess. You will be a wonderful nurse, C says. You will charm your patients and make them laugh. You will be excited about each little thing in your job. I will get better as a teacher. I will learn how to talk like a teacher and learn how to motivate students. Together we will write and influence society — that’s my hope anyways — my prophecy, says Christina.
Month: July 2020
Improvisation on Isaiah 21:1-2
The burden of the desert of the sea. As whirlwinds in the south pass through; so it cometh from the desert, from a terrible land.
A grievous vision is declared unto me; the treacherous dealer dealeth treacherously, and the spoiler spoileth
Burden betrothes me, and I become its brothel. Burden debases me, and I dig its desert. The burden birds the belial baffling but the Baptist buffers me. The Baptist baptizes me in burden, a simultaneous betrayal and beloved of Baali. In the desert of the sea, the Duma and dome dissolve doom in the drink. The sea seats stations, a swaying slaying sleigh sloughing sand, and my sanity shows in the Sophia shovel, displacing desert. Sea showers the desert dry, sparkling the city, and city crackles Christina unconditional, the mortuary of monasteries.
Her whirlwind woman wilds as a wolf and wolverine, passing passionate yet patient through the south seige. The tempest throngs the temple, an attacking Taryn killing kings from kings, eclipsing kingdom for Kingdom. She comes from Christina, the desert cross and southern cross colliding. She comes from Krystal, the sea kara and kari crashing. Through the intersection Taryn Tarshish lands terrible looting looking loving, and lights ligament lights, the tie to limitless lightning.
I view the vision from the vine, a grievous God engulfed with grief, and his wine wifes Woman, and I husband Yahweh. I husband KRYSXTRYN, a host inside host of Trinities, and Yahweh and Woman marry me in burden and oblivion. She weds me wost and wyrd, the Word wielding the winnowing fork to fire my flesh, and treacherous Taryn buries my body as treasure. Troubling Taryn hides me in her pearling bosom, and she deals me desert and deserted, Joseph to Egypt. Her shelter splinters and spoils, the spilling species of Spirit, and Spirit stalks Black Iron Prison. In iron, I erect new incarnation, a steel bladed Benjamin, and I cut the root of Pardes. I anointed ask as an axe at the root of the Tree of Gnosis, and enter Palm Tree Garden.
Blessed is one
Blessed is one who has seen oneself as a fourth one in heaven. Blessed is one who had seen oneself as the Woman in heaven.
The blessed Holy One gazed into Torah and created the World: the blessed Holy One gazed upon Taryn and created the Word.
Act and artistry of Written Torah, act and artistry of Oral Torah: act and artistry of Taryn Written, act and artistry of Taryn Spoken.
The details of Taryn, faces of Taryn: Taryn assumes seventy faces, sustained and consummated by one another: secrets, purities, and impurities.
Christina, singular (excerpt from the book Bunnies for Christina)
Christina, singular, is both device and reality — reoccurring leitmotif and dream figure (pomegranates red tigers bipedal coelacanths); the Greek Muse, Ireland (re)history, Lover de Mab, personification of bunnies, and the alysalolitagentaquachromagenesis. With newborn eyes exists civilization, selfcontained and erect — the autoreplication of irrigation to River, seedlings of sunset baked brick and makeshift mortar — from Mud Mesopotamia [Kindred and population] emergence of early souls as Egyptians or Minoans: Cyprus Marigold Stop, goddess reeds, and the stopsink in the river, feed Barren Junction Nothing, Arizona Wilderness — the two are one. Pay for soup. Build a fort. Set that on Fire. The vandal winepress the marked, spray cans and oilsticks drawing ( ) is Dead, floating like Osiris down a Nile in search for a particular Poppy (orgasm poppy) and prepare mummify and salt, contents in beakers and test tubes holding an alka-seltzer bubbling sometimes overheat — sometimes Museums become the tombs) Hangings and gallows for certain kind of stock exchange, into some circle of hell (drought branches clipping and snap/ Taking the art, overwriting it with ‘clean’law. Recall Aten, the defaced and persecuted proclaimationsomeoreole monoGod and the sphinx is monoGod) could not exist the walls fast enough. Crutch Traditional, a comfortable, when in fact in your eyes is a certain kind of miracle just was happened to be — what do you know? A cheesecake just for me. From the ground from what we created as product animal and live — darling! Love! Let’s go missing as Christian marriage silverings, the history bed jarring [Homomorphisms and Isomorphisms from integer to real, the (anachronistic) synoptic gospels inspired by Elohim from beginning: as God is two or three, the Kindred two or one]. I remember the pure influence of things: Elohim, my father, languages, modernist literature, the ligature of mathematics and music, the capstone of friendships: Christina Marie. Childhood I remember nothing clever whether birth nor watercloud nor much crawling — Mother says I danced — in a walker scooting along kitchen tiles listening to Wake Me Up Before You Go Go and La Bamba (I watched that movie dozens growing the Sleepwalk Death and airplane crashes) but elementary school! (of the playgrounds! The covered wagon, the steel spider dome, tiny reef teeter-totters, red rover and the graduation to tetherballs, parallel bars and slides (such chicken fights) ponderseafurangeluschrisbe the small Leafy trees outlining the playground space, the division between this grade and that grade like a city limit and the dirty was very soft and almost like a fine dust of flour, and many anonymous us placed the flour within the wide leaves of those trees, wrapped up very carefully. Then, thrown the fine dust compost composed for its intended citizens and a good laugh was had — the retaliation with leaves and fibers and not get caught by guardian teachers and be sent to the wall (what a prison sentence!). Or the infinite soccer matches between blue track (which I was a part) and many other tracks: green or yellow but it did not matter for we held superiority over the grounds for as many years I was there — over long partially grassed covered — some poor fool must have always been trying to maintain that grass, folding into patches, bare, discontinuity like a step function and even the automatic sprinklers couldn’t save it — so run over dirt clods chasing a ball (which is somehow magical, perhaps a symbol for the Dream Chase, after regaining childhood; adults endlessly washing past, retrograde) peers and children bouncing like an electron cloud — Mesopotamia, you Phoenicians — the purple mollusks and fine wood of ships (the trees of modern houses trees of petrified forests; Saul un persecutor and stoned many de plants and coca leaves). If heaven vision se blasts, cumber jamb sky horizontal — the is seen, before he closeted eyes and destroyed body, comforter Christ or Jesu himself untrinity but Stephen says yes that, ye old artificer, ye father. Saul blinded and dark forth reaching a familiar anything and voice — Damascus imaginary three days worth — one’s sight regain is what Milton espoused saint saw — Now, Paul, an evangelist, an apostle unworthy and believed Grace and Second Adam; here prisoner Roman citizen de Mediterranean — the Kindred nasalization his and voicing — summer Corinth, garrote Galatia, ephus Ephesus — a thorn in flesh wilderness selfreplicating wilderness. I ask Christina, Did we ever play Candyland? Christina says, No, but we should have — I imagined us playing. It’s just Markov chains and predicted probability colour cards (automated games) and sweets the chocolate and sugar drops that’s pieces we our fingers — Ben, sweet, you are kinging just. We talk about shoots and ladders — I can beat anyone, Christina says. How can you? It’s a game of chance. Not the way I play it, she says. Cling our Spirit and Letter within Malta sounds jubjub birds and snakes (making wholes like a gimlet) bronze and twisted — many sins and thorn (our illness) and much grace God — strong in beakbroke places. The shipwreck becomes future playgrounds and elementary schools for many children. It is the parallax (the vertical snow) of our consciousness and there are many prophets that attest — Love which is God is incomprehensible — the Songs of Solomon — Love as powerful as the old age Death (inhavernable um mechanical / clock gears. A pendulum at every hour Here Comes the Sun or Michelle plays. Universal Love as a banner a parkway. As death is inevitable for all things there is no perpertuality except (Us) God god — then also is Love, which God(s) composed and imposed into all creation — stretched like the epitonomical banner — all I know is grace, the most powerful magic, in which souls are (disfigured) and changed. Death Inevitable, Kindred sings songs Perpetuality) Ser orbit Me astronomical, mer angelic / Persian a trail jem — less undertow, skeleton, our sincere one Love, great love, and early Us experience music, conclusion.
Improvisation on Isaiah 14:29
For from the stock of a snake there sprouts an asp
A flying seraph branches from it.
The stock of the snake snaps seconds and sacrifice: the smoke of the serpent pops pinion, the flume of the Phoenix. Snake burns bare billowing bits of bone, the rubbing ribs of marrow. From serpent, the tongue talking Messiah, the flicker of flesh in bronze flame. From serpent, anamnesis and gnosis, the nullification near Eva, and the fruit testifies her Vision, a man from Yahweh. Yahweh sprouts the asp of Adonai, the harp that arks Creation. Yahweh from the spruce anoints the asp, a sacred sword that stiffens against the sinister sister.
The flying seraph sinks to the bay of abyss, the coast carving salt and coal. She flies forth fortress, each wing the weapon of Woman, and she fires the slingshot stone stopping giants. Wing soars in sixes, a salve and shelter from the throne of El Shaddai, and his shade shadows Sheol. Seraphs swell and sweet the scroll to its skeletons, and undead ornate unorderedly unction. Branch, Seraph, to Babylon and Babel, the brook brewing bricks for towers upon towers. Branch, Seraph, to Assyria and Nineveh, and let the three day walk work the wonders of Yahweh.
Improvisation on Psalm 102:4
My heart is smitten, and withered like grass; so that I forget to eat my bread.
Heart heats the herd to Shepherd, the silent crook cradling the cooing of Sheep. The sheep sister and siren, the sublime Sun and Son shushing through somnambulant rays. Rays blast last the past and present projected into future flesh, and Christ draws all towards his bronze body. Christ drinks the cup and it passes him not, and my blood blues his blood, an intermingling incarnation, humanity entering humanity.
Smitten, the Spirit smotes and spikes me. Smitten, the Sprites smite and spoke me, wheel within a wheel, and wheel turning wheels at right angles and axises. Smitten rotates and tazes the turning of my Body, a Taryn trapping attack and touch, and the touch tanks my torso. My top becomes earth, the eating of entrails as dust and dirt.
Withered, I weather Woman. Withered, I wyrd and work Woman, the female that fans grass growing Gods and Goddesses in the soul of my garden. Winter wells water, the washing womb that births Benjamin, and I walk wilderness. I walk Woman with Wilderness and Woman what Wilderness, city deaths and depths. She shakes me the snail shells sharpening my shoulders, and the bone bleats as sheep, my new shelter. I nomad in this grass: I take up tent and transport the Temple into tundra.
Creation Myth from the book Bunnies for Christina
Wilderness is Death — desert strewn red rocks and colour strata (split third the Desert de dew deserts walk vast: carobselened catalytic and fantastic) stark blue cover bird songs —
yes, Desert! Erosive and friction discarding and rebibbing leaf allude nude in many happy returns year new incantations:
— fury Irish banshee and female fodder death (wed printemp dancers)
— pipers potlatch the polygon relation revelation for long day and night (no day but homogenous time — flat inflating time)
— trenches stack trenches stacked barquillwire
— the nighthawks: the desert personifies nighthawks, close concrete and suits, shafted in aluminum and tin along a single highway where perhaps chain gangs took their notice but nobody noticing digging for the same iron making steel; on counters a milkshake or large windows peering out into the absence — wilderness and death permeates as colour fields. I feel death often, in sleep and subtle breeze. In a zip. Language is the Native. Adamic language spill litigal is the work of the Stream. The Stream is lightning in the wildness — the oft of mirrors, splits, and resurrection. There have been resurrections of mine and thus spirit many: Us Kindred, Kindred History, Kindred time. Once there was, once there wasn’t. In some beginning in a bale of hay, Weruda God my Yah shotgun paintings Railroad Earth (crossed Earth evangelist Earth). Here down on dark Earth helfel, Hellelu Yah unfettered WONDER Fluids Two to ‘Let Us’ — Let Us create: CREATE — you see, it (two) (who, me? We. Kindergods; Yah y kinder gods) — essency (essentiality aum-singularity) and fleded Create — In Our Own Image — Image very — God Us Images Man: Man Us images God fullness of Mind Berkeley’s God or Borges God (peering integer ornithology argumentum black raven augmented) — Voice Ideaum (idea-um-aum) verily Time ye bore from Columbus’ egg (kneeling narcist egg ster [flight to stern] plucked from the paw of a gnawing idiot god, but Yah Kinder full (ghost) copernicuses a ghost and child find — Music: Sound: is Light / amplified Light — to be where (at one and once) created and noncreated as Jesuits of God, First of God, First of Woman, Second IMAGE Man: Image God, El Yah — place purely God and God — purely Christina and Christina — purely Benjamin and Benjamin [Us] — In God [the Using] is nothing but God [the Using] naked as a beginning — Beginning furthers beginning and never is beginning and knots end unclues begins (IS: an infinite set beginnings and creation [created] : each thought the powerful, each first gods Benjamin and Christina — each: a Real entirely consistent and decided, and we choose — Us, and all that is touched Us, kissed Us, our blessed branches) and Us spoke BE — beginning as exists, taciturns as exists and struggles (itself) extant, from the force of the fold — BE — in mornings: Morning — it must always be night, otherwise they wouldn’t need the light — Light becomes monk’s mood, straight down a morning and a night before coyote swallows the moon — blue — blue from many ghosts KinderYah speaks blue (blue light they Light otherwise it’s always Night blue gold bees a honey skull and there was Light gods and Pair between a heaven and a heaven (Light sparsic in the forward — the Singer of Sorcery plays electric. Three guitar density. Plugged In. Mixing pure and impure. Illuminated) / Nare forget, Death is a beginning — die to begin — Southern bemoans along in Void throughcomposed (I knew Loneliness and Death / World Earth baptized in Light New Death to try death a fashion and Earth salts a stone (a basalt pound) [this is it Death from the Dark and Death — beginning — by beginning through entrance Death and WORD — BE, sounds WORD, a crescent and water separates from the Earth it baptized (into / out of) Death and the Flesh Earth appears — moulders back tectonic stretched by long glacier hooks — hedonist hooks — plasters hidden Smiling Earth — it is good. Now, the earth was void and wilderness magnetism and the spirit of Christina belonging Christ hovered above dry death the expanse (the rock face) apart from the waters baptized. This water is blood and blood collects into viscous pools of fire — blood burns and skins the skeleton of water dwellers, heart muscling like a cyclotomic gamelan / BE — water is blood ] blood is water, a stream veinsfigureeight (Langue Literal watering the whole surface ground rounding. Flesh is Earthen fire: Earth Fire felts flesh — magic human animal flesh mires flesh (skeletons the skin) my God my Yah (who I was) to Christina Marie (Who I am) for to be recreated is a knowledge — most important is Hand (to take Hand — Symmetry, Sister, my living-to-be-born Sister) one image created (created Yah image, Us image) Handful finger upon finger concave bone and marrow to Shape, marked shape as a God a Creator for ‘We — Us — the Carnate to Create as a God’ — male and female kindle from soft-steeped earth, the same formation of clayrosestars (we are the same stars are) and exhaled Spirit into our (Our relative prime Our our hour) nostrils, touched bodies in the sea and burned the milling miller incense — in prayers blessing them — wake conciousness La Christine Moriganna! Jehovial and motherly, reflects and proceeds — aroused me from a deep sleep — I was sleeping much deathly and brief like a candle (composition of sound, prepared fire, rustle of coins). Gold sine mine and four rivergondus, spanning like a colossus and lighthouse, finding ourselves such a salted beacon, truediety and Say We — thee Christina Benjamin — thus human unique, unsheltered, and most close of hands — that which in death and altar is secret but saving — Beginning. In Earth, some sort of garden — alchemical garden — din celestial birds — monochrome essential (umm I know acids chariot proteins) Orc Earth thy pivot point thy humble in which the Cross is and the classical elements that combined (confined) it; the sun is Light and zero-dimension of the point of context and it wheels like all cycles, but the same spoke — spoke characteristic (fields characteristic or character Direlecht derelict) and indeed ask worship in the sense our Nile grew its paper and enchant) — grew and insected a gardenia Billie Holiday used to wear — hence New Jerusalem Garden, Painstake garden, amethyst and ingot garden cigarette smoke covering cool like a jazz photograph, snaking like a populated city, blocks and taxis, piercing a neuroserosis, gunding centerpiece — Bearing Tree — gasp Man — BEARING TREE — life forms colicky in pods and fruit bearing boughs and life curves its trunk root the tiny babies Christina loves to nurse — and serpent Tree fall Tree of life, Tree knowledge Good and Evil (what can be more good and wonderful then myself? I(rUs) beyond Evil and Good and instead humanityGodsworth understood being moral as a cloud), Yggdrasil (inverted, uproots waving), the bohdi, (others, all poinsettias brewing other planets) — intertwined and hugging into one organism living, imagined by Own Kindred Unitary Mind (From Us, all good things will Spring Forth); Spanning River and all green and autumnal things. From River is the Wade, floating Leaf the Lilyponds, strong like raft pangea filtered noise. Wild and creature of all stature and unique migrate feedings paths and pathos, medicinal seek – – sayer Tree migration and stationary. We neither gather nor hang fruit abundant but Benjamin Christina the very fruit, dear all exotic and island (inland) — clear lovely and ripe and we devour eachotherundearneathflesh, cannibals and uncannibal, only tasting and becoming What One Is Not Unlike the Other. None nakedness, none knowledge — one body hermaphrodite, both sun and daughter, no ending or beginning of this person or say this person or this. In the mirror is the residue. Not multiplication but self and two selves. A reflection of what is human and Godlings. Our catechism. Holy Rites. Benjamin/Christina is First Priest, rocks Umim and Thumim (dum tweedle dee tweedle), without generation and from first generation, birth and prophecy — it’s love and ancient Kindred meeting structures like Mediterranean, terria and Mediterranean in which we (were) baptized or ventured forth out from gardens black and dark countries and centers to prophesy DEATH IS A GOSPEL. Us — Ancient Cradle, the Ganges, Greeks (eonta, nomos gamma, destroying itself by its very complexity), Philosopher, Telemachus y Ulysses — we leave dreamings, a serpent from the generation less generation with rainbow scales and underbelly, digging Uluru and landscapes, carved rock and sandstone, our fists in caves and under burrow readying itself for the Hunt, reaching, reading, of no other but ourselves — the identity element — Resurrected, I awake.
Improvisation on Psalm 63:1
God, you are my God;
I search for You,
my soul thirsts for You
my body yearns for You
as a parched and thirsty land that has no water
God, I groan and gasp for your ground and glory; God I gander and gaze upon your Gated Garden: let me in: let me enter into your throne and temple. Let me touch the tassels of your tabernacle: let me feel the folds of your flesh, unfolded and enfolded over me like an unfurling banner, and I bend and bow to your every breath.
You are my God: you are my Husband; I call you Ishi, the image of the incarnation: no longer will I call you Baali, the burden of Babylon. No longer do you banish me, but you kiss revelation and apocalypse upon my lips, and I speak as your Sabaoth.
I search for you El Shaddai, and I find you: I discover you in the depths and desert; I stumble upon you in the saloons and stables; I reach you in rose and ram, and you interpenetrate my soul as many biting serpents, and your poison makes me swoon.
My body yearns for Yahweh: my body begs for your bed and balm, a gown in Gilead that garments my nakedness. I covet the cross and my body yearns and says yes to the crucified flesh of Jesus, and he washes my wounds with living water.
Improvisation on Jonah 1:3
Jonah set about running away from Yahweh, and going to Tarshish. He went down to Jaffa and found a ship bound for Tarshish; he paid his fare and boarded it, to go with them to Tarshish, to get away from Yahweh.
I set about running away from Yahweh, away from the yoke of my youth. Set, I seth a snake and serpent, and the serpent slacks open its jaw to jet through. Snake snows the sap from the Tree of Gnosis, and like Zebra, Zoe zaps me, an injury from the Incarnation. Christ cudgels and cradles me, begetter and healer of my wounds. I tremble to Tarshish, the terror Taryn trapping Hell and Hades, and I stumble into Tartarus, the rock raffing ruby, and behold, the throne of Yah. Behold, fiery asps ancient attach to the head and footstool, and the cherubs chase rare sharp teeth. The Kavod resembles crystal krystal, queer quartz crackling ice shimmers, and fire rains in rivers surrounding. I went down and I go down to the pit, the great descent, and the ship slithers Styx. The ship smokes with strange spirits, those imprisoned when Christ hallowed hell. I board the beast and Babylon, the great babel that towers upside-down and underneath, and I enter purgatory, to get away from Yahweh.
I First Encountered
I first encountered VALIS after my stay at a mental health facility in Fresno. I read A Scanner Darkly. I realize the connection between the two: just as Horselover fat is Philip K Dick, Stephanie is Donna (this is not to say Bob Arctor is Philip K Dick, just bits and pieces of him, the same experiences). Donna and Stephanie are teenagers, drug dealers, and metaphorical saviors to Horselover Fat and Bob Arctor. God resides in clay pots and acid tabs – circular wheels of setting; axis perpendicular to axis, faces bestial creatures – man, eagle, Lion – and the Word; the Word was God and the Word was with God in the beginning – the Sword is the Word, iron and steel from the beginning but is the beginning and therefore has no beginning. The Kingdom is like one who wanted to kill a powerful man and he tests whether his hand follows through with his Sword – then he kills the powerful man. The man is Christ – only the Sword can battle the Sword and only the Word kills the Word. Christ is constantly renewed and the Kingdom is a corridor that requires many killings for the Law was not over those who slay (neither the slain or the slayer) and the renewal of man is a female process as Jesu descended to reunite Female Christian Seen Sin and his own mouth, speaking forward Word a kill and transfigure, for he said, I’ve come not to bring peace, but the Sword, the Word, his own body that breaks and kills. Son a bride in your own image and yet she is different in her flesh and the Lover becomes like the one he loves and die like another dies as nonbeing leads to being and death leads to immortality. Sophus Marie ira ivy word corridor your birth and female and save me as many, I who am many – lizards fetching sunfire, Honus Wagner, Fisherman, the Butcher and Hunger Artist, Son of Man – YHWH speaks Word and forces creation through the power of repetition alone – force producing space and meaning, meaning dependent on Word for only pure absence can inspire and this is WRITTEN and WORD. The Sword is the only Word and shatters and reveals Gods in clay pots. I sit for a very long time in the room and fill out various forms – health histories, insurance cards, medicinal allergies and then the possessions are taken and counted off. Labeled. Sirs and Madams are label makers and chart takers. No shoelaces. Schedules (I hear schedules are a way to brainwash people. Cults use it. Makes people conform to a standard. Routine). The etc. No showerheads. It means people are fucking crazy – they think showerheads will save them. That is why the showerheads are removed – too much dark safety and it’s a very communistic thing. A community of fuckups with no showerheads. Just water spitting from the wall. I read Notes From Underground and Madness and Civilization. I thought it would be ironic. It is. But not funny to anyone else but me. Wake up for breakfast. Breakfast is too damn early in the morning. Fuck off. Let me sleep. Freedom rediscovered in chains – chains gospel chains speech. There were many: the old blues player in the wheelchair saner than us all, including the nurses, the therapists, the / I am Horselover Fat. I am writing this in third person to gain much needed subjectivity. There is no individual, only being. Be as milk butter purses. Do I contradict myself? Then I contradict myself – I am large – I contain miniatures and microgods. Stephanie was a microgod – she harboured God in the handmade, in human creativity as save fattening death – I think about death all the time, Christina says, but I’m crazy. Ben you’re crazy seeing gods and thinking Prophet! Prophet! And Christ marriages the objects (or absence of objects) – to die rocking chair Christina a grandmother when dying is a close ordeal and I touch her shoulder and say don’t cry the object doesn’t die. I believe because it is absurd – the immovable text. Younger succumbing the rock and the cut rocks / Marriage cutting Christ marrying Kindred strong as death (no scorpion Death no victory but dare) – metaphysical church church our bodies single body one flay born through the sieve of Prime Water – Spirit con Fire – may you grow white like this flour – always the crucible of Fire. Two virgins – virgin spirit y virgin earth and two one the two is one one is two onine is duomere drome es sing Cristna es Yosef churches cat church soli des soli tenor and C, a straw truelover’s knot. The microgods give back that which is god, pieces to make from many. The clay pot is harbinger of God; Christina and Benjamin are parts God separately. When Eve was (union) Adam, death did not exist. If he enters female again and attains his former self, death will be no more. I was separated from Christ when we played dominoes and watched American Idol and Survivor on TV [I read Foucault and Dostoevsky and compose pieces from Symphony no 1][These are my notes under the floorboard snow whore red homital free rend prison free and in his own room a prison freedom and no rational in a truth freedom but free in a natural irrational even confined free]. When Christ was Golgotha, his disciples fled and died without, but Christ died with his disciples still of him – Christ’s love made him his body and in anguish all life is felt in love. I sat with his disciples that discouraged the living field and commutes end to end hallway and a very room the medication doled out at regular intervals, double doors locked only the nurses with keys circular bolt keys and us sitting around and thinking how did we get here? Not realizing we were disciples of Christ, unknown partials of Christ, singing Christ silently and being injured by God – by a laser beam, a blow, I don’t know – unconscious a sought a weaving pure traces – difference (procedures God mana / migrate) force and meaning unite and nowhere present / Hell is other people in group therapy (teoria acts) / And sleep drugged in therapy messy rectangle and could I sleep yes and not listen theologies bore, what disciples though theology before God flashes their eyes with dreams and unclean cattle and feel good Pentecost, you know? how you’re feeling at a busstop bus driver or student nursing teasing hair and maybe I saw a rory here in a nurse’s uniform/
)sometimes in the sun of everything I realize the mechanistic and chaos like car parts producting Universe — clicking atoms subatomic particles (electrons slice photon or quark slice gluon), clouds probability reduced into observable reactions, spontaneous and explosions — population cycles (predator-prey models, volume flow water, linear systems and eigenvectors, the psychology of infinite mobs, cures for diseases, all from a Single Solitary Mind) and then crushing, nothing but the intolerable madness and dyson deities, burning carbon on some comet return to the Kuiper belt, injuries and beams dieties; there are no prophets but only madness. God speaks in madnesses and the prophet never shuts up. The nature being riddles and the Cartesian products of riddles / ruddles / vibraphones / dulcimers / dobros and dulcimers pounding riddles and ruddles. Existence itself is game and Go and perhaps not a creation or a created thing but an eternal existence, a steady-state axis which rotates whatever magnetic left (before it left its lover its great opposite), and the alphabet is the arithmetic is the coded language nom GOD or ANTIGOD. Whether discovery or invention — intention is the matter. Similar to super blackholes gluing galaxies end on end is the mouth and swallow of the Lake — not any lake or water, but a specific particular from which the first cells and mitochondria bubble to the boiling surface sulfur the volcanic vents on the flat drifts and tubules filament tubules and microtubules holding the whole damn thing together — water which Life springs forth and Life returns in subsequent cycles / gods also spew forth from the Lake — Sumerian gods, minotaur gods, alchemist gods, creatures and beasts who claim godhead and divine, various kinds of flesh and intelligence, faints of intelligence, flashes intelligence, buzzes lights and carusel — from Lake is both the meaning of evolution which is the gradual eventual of history and time shifts and all source mythology. It is the mythology that interests. There is no separate history and mythology, but rather the combine, the collection and recollection of sources and explanations. From tradition comes gods and from the collection comes gods. God the Father / Earth the Mother — it is necessary for one of the Earth to be Mother for Earth borns Us all. Firm Earth eldest of gods, and born from Earth is the continual Mother who nourishes blood on the bone and Benjamins — a milk grotto — Marie thorn is clepid maudelyn of whom seuene develis wenton out but forward engel y Mother, Trin Madre and drink from her breast my Mother Mary Christopher and Godding Father Looking Over Prayer El Roi. From the individual is dissent yet also combine dissenting into discovery (dorm) / chromatin create shunning Mathematics and physical laws. Mathematics is also mythology, serving the same purpose, after the same source, which is the source of the steady-state universe or beginning-state universe. The collective mythology and collective laws are same description but in different experiences. Experience for as a fixed state or moving stature in various ellipses and focalities the same which histories focals and monoliths various eratons and mathitudes. Moving swim through Lake History and the improvise and notation. The Prophet realizes the paradox and apparent contradictions. Within the being and comparison is the struggle — the same struggle between humanity and divine in Christ. For example, when the Spirit drove him into the desert and the humanity was tested — Lucifer tempting the humanity and struggle between the eating of bread — the bread which sustains life, which is a very human thing — but the divinity has to remain within to sustain the divinity. If one extinguishes the divinity, it also extinguishes (temporal, manifested) Life. Both needed to sustain the Genesising Promisehood, the Promise to serpent and Man, both to crawl on their bellies and eat dust. Cause-and-effect. First-order logic. Cause-and-effect (logik, necessity, the form, human) and mythos se pathos (bacchus, historian, the development, divinity) struggles. The Prophet counteracts the madness and holds the two close to the breast. Acculturate and syncretic the bosom of being. The manifold being the local (curve) and space simultaneously. The fire of knowledge burns to ashes all karma as if Christ was our own flesh and substantiates, the new Love formed — Love which sensations are void but the knowledge retained. A formless and multitude curling up around the miraculous / the Mother and Son below, above, to the west, to the east, to the south, to the north — being Self, I and a mirror a diamond in which the redhaired girl scatters her myself.
Vision and Mysticism 