My breath is corrupt, my days are extinct, the graves are ready for me My breath is corrupt: corrupt Benjamin breathes Christ. Corrupt Benjamin breathes Christina, a calling clipped to the name Christian. Call Christian: cleave Christian: cling Christian. Christian names and numerates Benjamin Joseph, and I expire sacrament. I inspire sacrament, a sacred vision, and corrupt sin transforms into Christian redemption. My days are extinct: I exhale day, and devonian ending. I inhale beginning and ending, the slaying and extinction of Leviathan and Sinuous Serpent. I exhale Christian, which does not extinct although I aim the axe towards it, and Christian cries and accumulates as hydra, days multiplying. The graves are ready for me: graves groan for kenosis and incarnation. Graves gallop towards Christ's birth and body, awaiting corrupt crucifixion and carnal extinction. I keep the name Christian carnal, faith in my flesh and I boast of my body. I beat my body and bare my breast Christ and Christina, Christian Male and Female and Christian without Male and Female. The graves ready for Christian resurrection: my Christian resurrection. For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and cleave to his wife; Cause calls the cells cool close Cause claims the cells creep close Causing Christian: Christian power Causing Christianity: Christian prayer Praying shall and shell Playing shall and spirit Man: Son of Man. Adam: Adam Kadmon Man: Benjamin. Benjamin Joseph Leaving lost and lost in light Leaving list and lost in lady A Taryn Leviathan A Taryn Baphomet Fathering and Mothering Creation Mothering and Fathering Christianity Christina-Benjamin birthing Jesus Christ And I cleave to Theotokos as a wife And I cling to Taryn as a sister and spouse Let it be your inmost divine self who art lost in the constant rapture of infinite joy Let light enter light and love light Let light echo light and live light Being beckoning Being becoming Inner radiance inner innovation Inner rosary inner invocation Duning Divine Divine Office Divine Self Divine Feminine Descending Divine Divine gods Divine I Divine Daughters Lost light enter light and love light Lost light echo light and live light Constant Christ consistent Christian Constant Christ consistent Christina Roaring rapture the road rapt reading Ruling rapture the raptor raging Infinite incubation Infinite incarnation Joy in Jehovah Joy in Jesus Pulp the collision and collage of material: the marriage of Heaven and Hell. Taryn doesn't need a man anymore – the devil is her lover now! The devil and demons and daemon: the collision and collage of Flesh and Spirit. The musicality of material. The materiality of music. The purpose and poultice of pulp. The prettiest dresses are worn to be taken off. I dress demonic and dreamy. I dress devilish and damsel. The double crossing lover dolls of Tokyo. Dolls and devils. Devils and damsels. Taryn and Tyrants. Tigers and Taryn. Dream Tigers. Dream Taryn dresses the draw. Exposing the devil drug that is driving teenagers love crazy SEX FROM A BOTTLE. Dreamy drugs and evils in dresses. Dreamy demons and drugs as damsels. Marriage of Heaven and hell. Collision of pulp material pulp magazines pulp matrimony. You made darkness and it is night, when all the centres of the forest creep. Darkness darkens dark, dark left and right: darkness drunkens dark, dark north and south. Darkness directs two directions then four directions, omnipresent and oppressive. Darkness dooms nights and night, and near no night that knocks dark, and the dark swines. The dark shimmers night then night, and night fills fulfills forest fright. Creatures cudgel cuddle forest furnace, a fern flows foolstead, and forest flows dark and night.
Month: April 2021
Don’t Follow The Music (Excerpt From Book #1, Bunnies for Christina)
Don’t follow the music. You are the music. Don’t follow the Creation. You are the Creation. You’re Chaos. Chao. Your Order. Lot. Salt. Movement felt the dance like Taylor danced to Jeremiah’s Lamentation(s), Jeremiah’s Lament, clustered dorian and pentatonic, clustered and ribbon. The dance was hers. The Dance was hers and narrows, a narrow bolero. Christina Loraxes busy children: this her created furning continiously / Where Vision none, people perish sun Death song – sacred woman looked on eddying rivers interpreting sounds and passages – Sun Death Song –
My Love-Fell, My fuck-darling, a Christ(ina) wonder in wounds – I miss your skin white that tingles like leeches and your forever in my blood (mixing blood and mouth) flashing images. I remember last I tasted you, lying backwards on your stomach and I bit malleable and you shrieked and softened in terror and ecstasy and returned the favor – parasites and – Ha! I laughed and you giggled a fine girlish laugh – That’s what I admire about you, your feminine ghost / and I ache for that ghost in my loins, my wineful mind which you invigorate and stalk like Eternal Hunter and I feel how absurd we are (a bogel’s bedtime story), observing each other’s every habit like research scientists, in Love with our eyes and bodies (touch touch touch) – miss you sweat soon your see seat taste again
/203.792 mph sunbeam the flats white
Seven eating (the VICTOR/victim --
Line many times as you want -- seconds
Thirds fourths fifths
You glutton you very good glutton
Going strailway (straighted on the salt
Owners as an own
Owners as an own
The helicopter is flirting flirt like a helicopter
Slice like a deli master or purported bogeyman
Ah spirtes y goblins, super ghouls and ghosts streamliner 372 cu in small block 712 horsepower downwards through stained glass red gravity red pissing down (upside down) -- surprised? Surprised, mouth agape sure enjoys the drive those witches do, wait desert / white heat yes she sure loves to drive
When I am young ( I was never young) when I am young and a subtle fellow, a snake in the grass, boy not too intelligent for his own good (who is good? But Yah himself) the videos -- a literal black box -- mother taped shows for me -- the Incredible Hulk or Tom and Jerry -- the Christmas episode, with a musical mousetrap, a mousicle defrosted over a fireplace and still fuzzy tom (was it the hanna-barbara era?), cubed swiss and it was -- it is a lion laying with the lamb, this one -- We had the Power Rangers Green Ranger saga on VHS. Six episodes! See the Power Rangers Movie in the theater. Can’t go to the theare anymore. Uncomfortable. Loud. Short-attention span. Haven’t been in a year and a half. I lament the death of the Drive-in. Your Car. Comfortable.. Two for the price of One. Merry-go-round. Fast. Fast. Fast. Fast fast, dying something. The Long Solo. The book is a long solo. Find the landmarks. Traverse the landmarks. Journey. Keep up. It only gets longer. The solo becomes the ensembles’ language. Ha! You are no finite create. That’s because I’m the Long Solo. See the landmarks. See the monument. Then you build your own. The work of the hands makes the monument, the movement. Monument move to a Long Solo. In Fourth Grade, I could play a mean Hot Cross buns. Cork cannon an alto saxophone.
Sun Sun Sun Sun Soon Soon Soon Soon Sun Sun Sun Sun
Watch the desert -- meet Ra, the blood star -- the star that drips red. The mouth is an eye. God is death. Good is death. Coltrane saw God and he did die. Ra the gods (ye are all gods) that do not create die.
Lydia confront Lydian
Linears a fifthing circle
Circles changes and chimes
Christina chronicles a cycle
Horizontal bells and clasps
Reation expectation
Dolly my folly
Metronome monotony
Marie is Passover bitterness
For behold, I am passed over
Lydian linearizes Lydia
The mercurial poppy
Grafts darkly in
Mesmers and crowdust cane
Cranebel folly
Shared pare capture
Christina the Pristine Molly
Folds closed doors secretly
Dance with me -- to bumbling -- to cove grove
Dance with me to double bass dance with me to contrabass
Dance with me clumsy as carpal pubs
Dance with me furious in whisking circles circle and prop
Dance with me Rose May whisking circle in threes
Dance with me Chrysanthemum Christina Look at us Round threes
Dance with me Merry All dance with me May to Roses
Rose of the May dance to green wood away
10 is present at birth and is creatively impulse impulsive. The ego is a two or three, the 10 male -- female -- and wedding, Yah’s offspring. Socrates’ youngest child at his death was 5. His oldest child possessed 18 years. You are a closet bisexual honey, studying -- buying a happy hoppo Aellfersteryn ultermarine nyphsuloh eribades eblina and maripods, shining red rum -- terrible odelisk love won. The ambers won the numbers love you love me for certain circular reasons and Yah Yaft (pleases and somewhat wild bunnies) --
And trying to grow up
Oh ben grow up and
Why are you doing this?
(bandages bears and pretty ears that fell during sleep with ferrearis and diagnoses love love love -- and you love me still? Escape NEC Coltrane evan parker multipoint multilinear explosion! I punched walls and yelled at mom. I such and such and Jeames Joyce and this Friday is Dying. The Journey was called Ulysses only by men. The journey is Necrosis Rex by Benjamins. Presses are the best.
I decided I don’t believe he’s dead, C says, he’s waiting for me in Antarctica / Christina is evil. No she isn’t. She tried to run me over. No… Yes’ she almost killed me. But not on purpose. Did you ask her? No. You have no proof then.
Life -- the living -- resembles a womb -- a carcass in the womb and living is born hide of a carcass. Life burrows into the tangled blood slough, a soon to be dead thing -- Life is a soon to be dead thing and out of the dead comes the living, born into the baldness of space, raping space daily and caught thorner ] moves standstill blood section barring various sections in a devil’s tuning fork at 440 / clothe type at 440 (442) knowledge in the interruption -- Knowledge is interruption, the rupture of confined history, an unfinished history all history unfinished. Levi is getting old. He’s almost two now. Two in June. He runs around like a madman. He likes going to the park and picking up fallen leaves (a leaf falls). They crunch when you clasp them. They crunch when you walk over them. The slides are very fast. It curves vertically making little speed bumps. I used to go to Veteran’s Park -- they had a curly slide. Twists like a helix. Go down very fast. And a regular slide too. Yellow plastic like the sunshine. Swings too. Fast. Always Fast. Christina and I went to Oak Grove and played on the swingsets. There is a six foot rock climb. A curly slide. Christina took pictures of me going down. I was in the yellow shirt my grandfather gave me. Like a Sunflower. I’m too fat for it now. I took a picture of Christina on the swings. She took off her sandals so they wouldn’t fly off. Her skirt fluttered. Black hair from many colours. Black is such a beautiful colour; there’s so much you can do with it, Pres said. Levi is a nervous slider. He won’t slide unless his grandpa or grandma is there to catch him. The slide must seem very big to him. I slide after him and no one catches me because I am too big. Levi is too small for the open swings, so he has to use the bucket swings. He likes peas and cookies (although not at the same time). He likes opening cabinets and drawers although he’s not supposed to. His curiosity makes me laugh. He says a lot of words now: cookies, Lolo, bath… He likes to dance. Once I was playing guitar and improvising a line from a blues structure (boogie 12-bar blues), and Levi comes in and sat down and watched me play for a minute or two. He was fascinated by the movement of my fingers. I said to him, you want to listen to some Metal? I turned on the distortion and improvised a thrash metal riff, and Levi stood up and started dancing, hopping around and swinging his arms in joy. We were once watching Yo Gabba Gabba, which has a lot of music, and he danced the whole way through it. I think he will grow up with very odd tastes in music.
Moses Suffered to Write (excerpt from Book #15)
And they said, Moses suffered to write a bill of divorcement and put her away
I meet Moses in middle and medium
I march Moses in mode and meddle
Moses means Law
Moses makes law, giving Law God
I suffer under law and law suffers me
Law suffers me letter, but letter latches to Lady
I do not divorce her, damming up the demo for my daughters
I do not separate from Shekinah, the sop and swoon of my sisters.
I who am all pleasure, and purple and drunkeness of the innermost senses, desire you
All pleasure pins pricks the pointed pencil
All pleasure pumes part the pented pen
pen prodding purple, purple all populace
pencil poking purple, poison all pupua
And purple displaces all and allward,
Drunk desert and drunk dures
sand soaring spirit
sand spalting spirit
A sophia desiring body and Flesh
Soul’s totality and totally
An erotic climax to the 20th century! BLONDE GODDESS
Eros, Erotic,, Exotic. Eros. Eros-erect. Eros-elect. Eros-elephant. Christina climax. Krystal climax. Christina climax. Climax Christianity. Blonde Taryn. Goddess Taryn. Godhead Taryn.
God of seeing
God sees: God seizes. God sure sluices slender, the narrow river that splits unto four at the head of Eden. God sight: God sly: God sweet
God of my seeing
I see God: I seize God. I cry God surely the sire of my seeing, my narrow vision that splits valley of burden. I sight God: I taste God: God how sweet!
God who sees me
God sees me: God seizes me. God slices straight into my soul and spirit, splitting my head into four blood rivulets and four chariots. God slays: God slivers: God swords sweet.
And Jesus answered and said unto them, For the hardness of your heart he wrote you this precept
I hope hull hardens, hard as hodges
I heat heal hardens, hard-hearted and hard-headed
El, soften and soak me in Spirit
Yah, soften and submerge me in Sophia
Hold my heart and head holy marrying Hell and Heaven
Put on your wings, arouse the coiled splendour within you
Wings web and wear the war of woman
Wings wish and win the want of Woman
I wint my wings colliding Christina
I arouse the reminder cooing Christian
Be coiled: be cool: cling and collision
Be coiled: be calm: heave and crash
Serpent splendour snake asunder
sinuous sensuous
within me woman
Fame and sins brought tragedy for the NUDE IN A MINKCOAT
Fame franks flesh. Fame flaps flesh. Fame floats flesh. Fame on fame: flesh on flesh. Flesh sows sin fantastic. Flesh sins salvation fantastic. Sin and salvation sine twine. Sin and salvation cinder dual into one flame. Tragedy Taryn. Tragic Taryn. Taryn true nude and naked. Taryn true male and mink mixed with Benjamin. Taryn mare mink and masculine moshed Benjamin.
I must ponder the pit of prayer. Perpetual prayer must become a purgatory for me. I place prayer before me, and my writing too must pray. My writing must pray scripture and conversation; it must play pulp and pornography. Writing pray perpetually. Writing pray perpetuo moto.
But from the beginning of Creation God made them male and female
But from the beginning Benjamin, you begin
But by the beginning Benjamin, write and pray
praying male and female in Creation
male and female creating
God made me male and maiden
benjamin and Taryn
male meeting male and male meeting male
female majoring male and female masting male
Writing Yahweh KRYSXTRYN
praying KRYSXTRYN benjamin.
Come unto me, for I am the flame that burns in the heart of every man and the core of every star
Come to the core of Creation
Come to the centre of Christ
Christ and Christina creed toward the circle that
encompasses all and encapsulated all.
The flame flashes the thrust of Taryn
The flame Focuses the attack of Taryn
and Taryn burns Book and Benjamin a sacred fire to sacred scripture
Heart heats holy
Heart hosts holy
Man and Son of Man
Adam and Adam Kadmon
The Core crucifying Christ
The Core between the crossroads Christ,
and the star crosses southern cross all directions.
NEW WAVE HOOKERS
New: near new: none new: nothing new under the sun. Yet new: I approach new the net that holds me naked and nude, and the new nests new: new from new, new beyond new now. What now: I let the new – new Christ, new Adam, new Spirit – spark my scripture. Wave: wave wilderness wave woman: wave the wobble of winter, inverse winter music. Wave web: the web and net nestling benjamin Taryn. The net wets me in woman’s womb, birth and rebirth, born Benjamin Prophet, Prophet of Woman. Hookers: Holy: hacking harlotry: hark the herald angels sing. Harlot hops host heavenly, horacing heaven and hell open. Hooker Krystal: harlot Taryn: scarlet Woman: Benjamin Babylon.
I have sewed sackcloth on my skin and defiled my horn in the dust
I sew sackcloth to Spirit, and I see Spirit sow my mourning. I sew wild wind from South, and South medges meets North, a knocking nuptials to my bitter beloved. Wind wasps my skin, a sinking still sting, and sting stems root cooked and root raw. I round my root as rope mourning: I rope my root round in weeping. Welp weep wild and with weep wilderness, a wonder in the wound, and my wound woes root to my Spirit Beloved.
I defile my horn in the desert. I defile my heart thorned with horns in dust and desert, a dark dreaming. I dream day and I dream dark, my horn hesitatating to gore nations, and my horn houses four corners and four elements, the cul-de-sac enclosing earth. Horn hosts her, Yahweh Saboath, a sword and spear.
Press in prayer. Push prayer. Pray perpetually and pray perpetuating prayer. Pray punishing my person and pray in power pulsating my body in purple, and pray places personal and placating peace. Pray and pray: repeat prayer and pray repetition. Pray always. Pray always-already hallways and hallelujahs. Pray adjacent apartment adjacent Adonai. I pray from the pit and I pray from purgatory, and my prayer proves purgatorial. My prayer pulls from planet to planet, and prods me cosmic and Christ. Prayer piles and poles me planetary, and props me cosmic and Christina.
Pray and pray: practice in prayer and be foolish in prayer. Prayer fool and foolish: pray felt and fallen. Pray what: pray when: pray woman. Pray why: pray why: pray wilderness. Pray fallen and failing. Pray flesh and fleshly. But pray, Benjamin: pray this writing. Pray this ruin. Pray this realization and revelation. Pray concealing: pray revealing. Pray apophatic: pray cataphatic. Pray perpendicular and pray orthogonal. Pray the work of prayer and pray the work of writing. Work the prayer and work the writing, writing the glowing rings of resurrection. Write the glowing rainbow of revival.
I played to play because I need to play. I wrote to write because I needed to write, and the write plays. The write plays and prays, a foray into my flesh, and flesh writes and writhes the signature of the souls and spirits.
Do You Ever Feel Troubled By God? (Excerpt from Book #15)
Me and Imogen
: Do you ever feel troubled by God? I was reading Judges and it said ‘Samson was stirred by the Spirit’ and the study note said, literally, troubled by the Spirit. Ever feel troubled by the Spirit? I feel troubled.
: Oh that’s interesting – troubled by the Spirit. In what way do you feel troubled?
: I feel troubled in that I feel a restless depression for God. I feel discouraged in my writing and my spiritual connections and I am frustrated by Christianity, but at the same time I feel a restless wandering of the Spirit compelling me to keep going despite all that.
: I think I know something about the feelings you describe above – the frustration, the despair, yet also the pull to go deeper into the questions and the unknown and the grief and the moments of euphoric connection. I have many frustrations with Christianity, many things I find hard to reconcile, and yet I hear Go calling me ever closer. Sometimes my mind feels so full I want to scream! I run from it and find my self running towards it. Does that make any sense?
: That makes a lot of sense! It is difficult for me because I find myself wanting to embrace both orthodoxy and Gnosticism and mysticism all at once. I want to unite all Christianities (and all religions) mystically in my body. God without boundaries or names.
: I feel like I’m struggling with Christianity right now. I feel reluctant to call myself a Christian because it seems what passes as Christianity ignores social justice and egalitarianism. I’m discouraged with Christianity.
: Oh I absolutely hear you on that. I’ve noticed I’ve using using the term Christian in relation to who I am. I’ve been saying things like ‘unconventional Christ follower’ but I feel like that isn’t quite right, because caring about social justice, egalitarianism, diversity, compassion, grace, etc. shouldn’t be unconventional! It should be at the heart of Christianity. Unfortunately the term ‘Christian’ has so many negative connotations. I always feel a need to clarify what I don’t believe in as much as what I do whenever someone asks me me why I read the Bible / attend mass / have an interest in Jesus. … I’m feeling very torn about attending mass. My heart longs to go, to be with Jesus (although of course, I know Jesus isn’t found just in the church!) to receive the Eucharist, to listen to Liturgy. But then certain topics are brought up online, or in books, and I eel such anger and upset. Today it was a Catholic podcast on the LGBTQ community – I saw red and couldn’t stomach the teachings they were spouting. How do we handle that? I’m really not sure. I’d love to hear your thoughts and experiences of this push-pull.
: I am called to be a prophet and visionary of God. I express these prophecies and visions through my writing. God calls me to be a Christian for better or worse, even though I’ve been trying to shed the term. But there is something about Christ and the name ‘Christian’ that still has the power to evoke and transform. The Gospel of Philip states: If you say ‘ I am a Jew’, no one will be moved. If you say ‘ I am a Roman’, no one will be disturbed. If you say ‘ I am a Greek, barbarian, slave, free’, no one will be troubled. If you say ‘ I am a Christian’, the world will be shaken. May I receive the one whose name the world cannot bear to hear… I want to give power back to the name Christian again.
: That’s beautiful and so moving. Giving power back to the name Christian again. Yes. There’s something there for me to ponder.
And the Pharisees came to him, and asked him, Is it lawful for a man to put away his wife? tempting him.
Pharisees fair fool, and I too flap fool
Pharisees fish phantom, and I too fish ghosts
I fish first the sea foam, a failure to prophesy
I faust fist the ocean groans, fool to vision
I come to Christ cracked cremble my crumbling Christianity
I come to Christina a cross and crux, and her crib opens my Christianity
My Christianity cuts law
My Christianity crushes law
Lawless lossless lightless
Law loosening law losing light
Law lasering law lasening light
And I dare put away my wife
And I dare pulse and punt awry Woman
Tempting Taryn tempting KRYSXTRYN
Hear ye the words of the Star Goddess
Hear happening the hobble and holy hodgepodge
Hear hastening the heavel and hevel hungry
Words warring the ware of Woman
Words wasting the work of Woman
And I work Woman and Word
I work worship and world
Starlight steams streams the light letters
Stars straw strike the stress of syllable
Language guarding Goddess
Rhetoric revealing Goddess
She-Yahweh and He-KRYSXTRYN
Horror hero from the nuclear trash! It’s monsterrific! OCTAMEN
Hide not from horror. Hide not from the ugly and horrific. My writing manifests horrific. My writing appears ugliness. Fear not ugly. Push forward to necessity. Push toward heroics. Holy heroics. Heroics happenings. Hpapenings from the unclear. From the number. From the name. Pulp layer and trash layer. Taryn from the trash. Mother from the monster.
Christina
: I was at the zoo today, and there was a little girl on the play structure who was like quietly whining for her dad to help her up the steps. I looked around and I didn’t see any men, so I asked her where her dad was. She said, ‘My dad is dead. I was pretending he was still with me.’ So I must have looked panicked or bewildered or something because a mom gets up from the benches and comes and says, ‘ Her dad is alive and fine. It’s just a game she plays.’ I may be haunted by that for the reset of my life.
The LORD has testified against me and the Almighty has brought calamity upon me
Yahweh, you testify against me and trouble me. You try me and tempt me. You thrust me unto your tempest and attack, and I cannot utter any defense. Your very name places me under a yoke, and although I yearn for you and say yes to your every burden, you bind me under bondage.
El Shaddai shackles me in shame and creates calamity and cataclysm upon my crown. He cracks open my skull, and all my innards leak. He crucifies cruelly and concocts strange torture. El Shaddai condemns me to Sheol and grinds my guts in the grave.
And he answered and said unto them, What did Moses command you?
And all in all by all
And all through all with all
All once all only all offering
And I repeat and answer repetition
And I recite and answer ritual
Saying strangeness in Spirit
Said strangles of Spirit speaking Spirit
Again Christ and Christina
Again Woman and KRYSXTRYN
Moses matched Mother
He singles with Shekinah and through Shekinah, I cripple and crucify the commandments.
I crucify commandments with Christ, and Christ cries free.
I love you: I yearn for you: pale or purple, veiled or voluptuous
Love Yahweh: love Woman
Love Christ: love Christina
Love lacks law and love lops law
Love vivisects law and love vipers law
Love serpentine and subtle
Love slinky and sinister
A shadow shading shelter
Yearn Yahweh: yield Yahweh
Yearn Taryn: yield Taryn
Pale purple perfect prayer
Pale purple pinning play
And play unveils the vision voluptuous
Free. Free freedom. Free freedom from freedom. Free flesh from flesh. Flesh IS. Freedom IS. Flesh is freedom and freedom is Flesh. Free form the form of writing and write form and flesh. Write formant format finning flesh. I love Flesh. I love my flesh. I learn to love my body, and my body bodes my resurrected body. A fleshly and fleshly body in contact with Christ and Christina. Contact cleave cling the repetition of mediation touching Taryn. Touch: the touch and taste of the Godhead. Embrace Flesh: Embrace flesh Benjamin. Become Benjamin: Benjamin in Yahweh. Benjamin in KRYSXTRYN. Fear not flesh: forget not flesh: remember the root, which is body. Simplicity. Divine simplicity. Simplicity the Spirit and Spirit spawns Flesh. Flesh fawns Spirit, and flesh spurs simplicity. I lack simplicity but the Spirit speaks. Spirit speaks through Benjamin body and flesh, writing flesh, know flesh and Body. Know flesh and body in gnosis. Know beyond the word and language. Know beyond the body a new body, the body birthing image. Image: image-body and flesh, body and flesh in incarnation. Image body and burden, the burden of the valley of vision.
Krystal. Krystal contemplation. Krystal Christian. Krystal concentration, circling Christina and Christina in circles and circlets, the Sabbath circus. Taryn trouble, theoria and contemplatio, gazing at God.
Look lady: aware Woman.
Study the scriptures: Bind to the Book.
The contemplative mind sees God. God is the Kingdom of Heaven. Behold the uncreated light. O God make speed to save me: O Lord make haste to help me. Paradise is the love of God: the Tree of Life is the Lord of God.
God grants: God gifts: God graces. Eucharist ekstasis. The Mystery of the eighth day. Read: meditate: pray: contemplate.
Footfalls Echo in the Memory (Excerpt from Book #7)
Footfalls echo in the memory Down the passage we did not take Towards the door we never opened Into the Rose-Garden The Rose-Garden The Covering Cherub Flamenco Sketches (a harmonic minor over D Phrygian dominant G Dorian PKD echoes in the memory down the multiplicity towards the Fish Sign Twins where my Sister hides (Nommo underwent transformation and multiplied into four twins Deranged Twins rebelled and another twins bodies dismembered and scattered there the parts fell there Twins reenacted a garden of medicinal medicine garden healing flowers Down the passage the letter I never sent Taryn (Someday I will love you like I said even though we may never see each other again Thank you for letting me know you, Taryn. I hope you love your book. I won’t forget you. Flowers are so inconsistent! But I was too young to love her. Book never ends Tigers for Taryn remains open (the door we never opened the door that cannot be opened but the window echoes space window echoes at the bookshelf it is the time you have wasted for your rose that makes your rose so important (the Single Rose is Now the Garden Where all Love Ends the single RN is now the Prison Where all Love Begins (the panopticon the door does not open surveillance loves and desires more surveillance ben and Taryn loves more ben and Taryn The Twin where I witness myself as an observer sleeping (the stars are beautiful because of a flower that cannot be seen. I try to give in my everything my two favorite books to Jaynell and Kari (VALIS and the Little Prince respectively Tigers for Taryn to Taryn (perhaps it never belonged to me -- I was only the medium or performing Tikkun on the husks Peel be and Taryn shell and husk the naranja orange Victorinox prunes and carves (Evil makes Good possible. Evil twins and shadows Good / there is not the slightest distinction. What makes the desert beautiful is that somewhere it hides a well (the Garden is Wilderness. The translation of the Little Prince I read first is apparently terrible but I don’t know any better. I love it many times over. I regret lending it to Meg because I never got it back -- Elenika wrote an inscription in it for me. I do not regret giving my second copy to Kari (but you already gave away your first one, she protested. I get something from Husker Du’s Green eyes because of Kari. I get something from TEETER because of Christina. You will always be my friend. You will want to laugh with me. And you will sometimes open your window, so, for that that pleasure. And your friends will be properly astonished to see you laughing as you look up into the sky! Then you will say to them, yes, the stars always make me laugh! Literary critics will analyze the Book as musicologists analyze Charles Ives -- where the hell did this quotation come from? Is it a quotation at all or a coincidence? Demand me nothing -- what you know, you know -- from this time forth, I will never speak a word. I borrow everything and I take down all passages. en the Charles Ives borrowings (a dozen marching bands crossing the same intersection. A dozen marching bands the same improvisation. Leave the door open; I open a window Be a Lamp life boat or Ladder Ladder teeter leading back to flower To poppies foxglove white willow blue water lilies angel trumpets Creation would be pointless unless it were Creation under duress Creation under Chaos the worst possible world in which there is yet hope is the only Creation which makes sense (navigating tritone substitutions Coltrane Changes interval cycles in fourths playing half-diminished ii to V7(+5,+9) as only V7 (+5,+9) fucking all altered chords I am no prophet, but a jazz musician wounded at the Five Spot and Birdland (today’s music is more chemistry, less prophecy. It’s about purification, combination, or dissection. Musical ingredients are sanitized, pasteurized, and metastasized. We know jazz so damn well. Even the SAT has a section on tritone sub. (Beckett destroys language with silence. I do it with too much language, with characters talking at random, and by inventing words. I do it by mashing, remixing, stealing, plagiarizing, and showing no authorship is originary. The passageway not taken is illusion. The house, the stars, the desert -- what gives them their beauty is something that is invisible Everywhere and Nowhere the Rose Garden Rose of Sharon Way of the Treasuries of Elohim Way of hvhy Elohenu Way of the Messiah Cultivating unconditional Love, renunciation of the fruits of action, dissemination between the Real and Illusory, and nondual realization You will have the stars as no one else has them.
Fifty Years Ago, Bob Dylan Went Electric (excerpt from Book #8)
Fifty years ago, Bob Dylan went electric at the Newport Folk Festival (Judas! Judas!) The acoustic is Electric / Electric draws Acoustic Subterranean Homesick Blues (indeed, the times are a-changin’. Bob Dylan introduced the Beatles to marijuana, the catalyst for the stranger psychedelia of Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds (Julian painted Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds; it was NOT about LSD – although the harpsichord arpeggios are some fucked up shit. July 3, 1973, David Bowie kills Ziggy Stardust in the final concert with the Spiders from Mars (Ashes to Ashes Thin White Duke Tin Machine. The Beastie Boys go sample- crazy on Paul’s Boutique (the Pet Sounds and Dark Side of the Moon of Hip-Hop. Music (I secured house with blast doors and fled the country in June 1991. Spirituality should affirm the Flesh. Kingdom affirms the Flesh. The Earth is its Altar. Darling, our task is to remarry. It is often said that Vivaldi wrote the same violin concerto a hundred times. That’s not fair at all -- he wrote the same two violin concertos 50 times. benjamin designing for a hive mind benjamin a whisper is sometimes louder than a shout benjamin real life as medium benjamin the proposal of an economy equal to the universe benjamin not-boxing boxer but sometimes the Boxing is Beautiful benjamin in the clinch of Nursing God, my mind occludes mind; my mind self-occludes mind in the mist admist deep valley wake. God, you I pray God you I interpret God you are the text my prayers must take a different focus. The author does not need to know the real meaning of the text -- the meaning of the text goes beyond its author and this is why hermeneutics is not merely a reproductive activity but a productive one. Understanding has a surplus of meaning (my prayer must be a hermeneutics and production of New God and New Prophecy. Unification is the Potentiation / exponentiation (God in actuality ---> Her. She and Her and this is my prayer. I heal because God heals and I am God’s healer (God, may my healing be more and more complete / God-in-Progress and God-in-Process. Although god cannot be grapsed by philosophers and theologians but process philosophers and process theologians raise a spark of gnosis. Gnosis sometimes breeds illness and death (I had a little bird and it’s name was Enza I opened the window and in-flu-enza. Thus, ornithology becomes Nursing. Ornithology songs modes of limited transpositions (the tasks Nursing. Here I am, one of the forms you take, writing you, figuring out your ways -- Brahman delighting in detecting Brahman; this may be one of your favorite games. You assist us forward, as I saw last night: diversification into pluriforms, the many from the one (from the One, many into the Souls of Creation, for each one has been given a portion. Each one is territory and each a desert-in-garden and a garden-in-garden. You enlighten us, but it is you who fools us – fools your own pluriforms; Brahman the Magician (James-James) Christ the Necromancer (Gehenna-Tartarus) the audience and the Palm-Tree Savior – you are all of these, KRYSXTRYN included PKD included and reincarnated, and the individual Taryn: the Woman I see and her hear, Holy Wisdom in Secret is You. Only when the multiple is effectively treated as substantive, multiplicity ceases to have any relation to the One (Elohim and Elohim and Elohim. God remains plural and remains a multiplicity. She Lion Woman Sea Lion She drank Coffee Sea Lion She drank Tea Sea Lion And a gamble Lie Sea Lion Rosemary improves memory. Rowan Tree / Mountain Ash dispels Witchcraft (let the Witchcraft Jesus in. Pierrot lunaire ensemble plus percussion (sprechstimme spells and heals illness. Percussion disrupts plague vapors. This makes me want to just crank some Albert Ayler to cleanse my goddamn ears (that chorus is the gay pussyhole of this song. A white hen is in the barn she made a small egg for the child who sleeps sleepy time, sleeptime, pussy cat sleepy time, sleeptime, kitty cat. God I don’t know know what I’m doing -- I say that every day. I don’t know know sounds as a mantra whether I’m writing or nursing (sound sorts fluid in time). Do I bore you with my nursing? Christina enjoys being bored by it. OK -- I will have two patients, working 3 nights a week. I will also be doing intermittent infusion patients. I don’t think nursing is too exciting -- I wrote with a kid of burning anxiety and excitement -- every detail of orientation and work cataloged. I can’t do that anymore -- there’s still the anxiety but it’s a dread and I don’t know what the hell I’m doing doing (that familiar mantra. Maybe I’m not supposed to know -- that’s the unknown dark Ego and darkened consciousness of God. God plunges me the depths (God and Satan first manifestations of Nothingness, which we call Pleroma Ein sof Khora. It is indifferent whether the Pleroma is or is not, since in everything, it is balanced and void. Not so creatura. In so far God and Satan are creatures, they do not extinguish each other, but stand one against the Other as effective opposites (contrapositive oppositorium completeness in opposites opposition deconstruction. God what terrible writing this is -- I don’t have an original idea written. I need an editor. This is just typing (this is not writing -- this is typing. A lot of stupidity. Just ripping off things without adding anything. Dead End. PKD and CG Jung and the Bible all better before me. Fuck. What kind of crappy prophet am I -- maybe none at all. I can’t think anything novel (this is cyclic and this cycles samsara interior God forgive me -- I do not prophesy -- you prophesy. I do not write -- you write. You read yourself through me / you read and interpret yourself through the grandiosity of the Book. God may you continue writing and reading. God may you continue creating and improvising. God I pray I facilitate the reading l open the prophecy I commence the improvisation (everything that discrimination taketh out of the Pleroma is a pair of opposites. To god, therefore, always belongs Satan (the left and right hand side morning and evening sacrifices Sophia and Lilith Feminine (I must remember the Woman -- I must remember the encounter Woman, and my first encounter with God was the encounter with Woman (Sri Ramakrishna devoted to the Divine Mother). The male first and foremost belongs to the female. The Ein Sof lacks all qualities but it is Female. It peaks Female and it speaks Christina, the messianic name that existed before Creation. Taryn? Speak to me, T. Tater Tot did this, says Taryn. Muhahahaha, what did you do to her? I made her mad so she shit on the bed. How did you make her mad? I was making her do the Ferret Dance. How can you make her? Like take her paws and make her dance? No I hit her gently with a blanket and she freaks out and makes noises and does the dance. You’re saying you beat her until she dances. I said gently – she flips out, says Taryn.
I Have So Much To Tell You (Excerpt From Book #7)
I have so much to tell you and nowhere to begin (no-where and none God in the un-lonely places places-made-desolation dissolving-ego-awareness God is dissociation interrupted corpus callosum Entheogens harboring miniature God homunculi (uncovering the relationship between reality and a photograph the unpredictable swerve of atoms / the smallest possible abberations that can make the great possible difference the Round and Square unite Atom and Void Light and Khora Male and Female Non-existent language my only language exists. Time is contaminated. Time contaminates and overflows / flood time. Time modulates and pursues (bar-line shift improvising the chord before or after the chord accidental time lost in the chord progression or harmonic generalization (time entails time What might have been and what has been Point to one end, which is always present (present Taryn and Palm Tree Garden hauntological / God phantom the only time cut into impossible slices partitions never experienced point to one end: absence the voice crying in the wilderness (the trace which always differs and defers, erasing itself in presenting itself Always trace Christina always Taryn impossible to purge from writing and signature What might have been and what has been point to one end: Christina and Taryn the general structure of experience as lived time a retention the minimal unit of temporal experience replacing the Now and structuring experience with difference Now does not exist Now Nothing Now Ayin The grammar that limits self-presence allowing for something other than immediate experience (Now does not exist the Grammar spaces non-intuition / the unconscious It is the concealment of divine being through language (Time obscured by ayin. I experience time allplace the prophetic repeated and reinterpreted (the 600,000 aspects of meaning in the Torah corresponding to the number of Israelites present at Sinai and the number of primordial souls present in each generation When one reads the Book, it’s combination of its linguistic elements change in response to the call of the moment (the time that is all time and the time which is no-time-at-all. As for Taryn, says Christina, I do think you have a way of bullying an answer out of someone. If you wanted her to say that she loved you less, then you can get her to say it, or you can twist her words. You’re smarter than her. But I believe she loves you like I love you. She’s been with you for far too long otherwise. She doesn’t NEED you as a friend, but she keeps up the relationship and works hard to be friends. That’s love, I think. If she didn’t love you, she’d let the relationship fade. How easy would it be for her to just cease talking with you? But she doesn’t. she hasn’t. She does love you. And no, it’s not really fair to ask her to choose. We don’t choose these things. Thomases come along. Conditions are better for romantic love, and the love is there. There’s no refusing it. And then we just have to deal. Do you remember when I was in love with Temple? My heart ached so much. He just wouldn’t have a long-distance relationship with me. We’d make out when we were in the same town, but he wouldn’t make more of an effort than that. And eventually he had a girlfriend, and I wanted to die. He was supposed to pick me. But it was impractical. The girl he dated was around in their circle of friends, and she was more alike with him as far as life goals and such. Now we’re both really happy, married, own houses, have kids. Life turns out OK. And it’ll turn out OK for you. You have to deal. She didn’t choose you. It totally sucks, and you can take awhile to mourn that type of relationship. But you can come out of it. It’s admittingly a hard thing, but I know you, and I know you’ll be ok, says Christina. The Future -- no one can ever have it (Word can only be shared with us ever anew the Book can only be shared anew (radically determined by and relative to even that is always to come again occurring again ever totally new foreign stranger Future towards Future (point to one end -- the Event It has come (Kingdom Flesh ben and Taryn Christ with Us as one of Us Word and Book is always a coming for the first time, totally unexpected unanticipated surprising strange new (Taryn reconciling again Christina converging Kindred anew How brief a blaze a woman’s love will yield if not relit by frequent signs and touch (Alltime AllEvent continually reinterpreted recreated re-improvised re-experienced as new experience and Event New Christina New Taryn New Taryn New Flesh The Taryn and Christina have many names (redeemer Spirit reductive materialism Your Book should be a reflection of your life, says Christina. It is your life. I see themes of fate and free will being very important. Things can turn out wrong when we predict. There should be anguish, says C. Book serialism Book micropolyphony Book Charles Ives’ Fourth Symphony (Universe Symphony Book derive Book detournement Everything hoaxed and plagiarized Everything decoupage and photomontage all photographs are posed photographs have no truth-value stole and staged multiplicity stolen and staged polydoxy (Book many gods gods many languages Every passage phrase, and letter in the Book has 70 aspects or faces, corresponding to the 70 nations that inhabit the worlds, the number symbolizing the inexhaustibility of divine meaning (meaning be and Taryn mythologizing Christina and Taryn Luciano Berio’s Sinfonia parodying The Symphony is the World / the World is Symphony central park in the dark O KING Mahler’s Symphony no. 2 cut-up re-shuffled re-orchestrated the over-waltzed Austro-Hungarian empire mentality Stop! Keep going! There was even, for a second, hope for of resurrection, or almost The completed work becomes one piece in the overall recreation and restoration of the World. However, there is no real end -- the process occurs repetition Ayin Ayin Christina and Taryn Thought Understanding Voice Speech all is One, and thought is beginning of All through to Ayin Christina Nothing Taryn Nothing One annihilates from existence to Nothingness (Empty Space Void Writing So far from Nothing to Existence So too drawn down from Ayin to Christina Taryn, so that the Light of the Infinite may emanate truly below as it does above (to Gehenna Hell Fresno and Porterville Visions of Hell Visions in Hell the only God I know the God Gnosis the courage to take meaningless into itself to the urgrund called absolute Faith Absolute Faith god above God Krystal Christina Taryn Absolute Faith and its consequence the courage that takes radical doubt doubt about God into itself transcending God Hell transcendent Hell (Hell immanent to me Hell the Love that carries me above and beyond all thing (no-thing), into the Divine Dark, receiving the incomprehensible Light, enfolding and penetrating me (Taryn’s cock penetrating my rectum Taryn fucking my ass penetrated by incomprehensible light (the Divine Darkness of Taryn’s pussy the Divine Darkness of our assholes my opening homosexuality pre-animism animism totemism polytheism monotheism (unmontheismus UnTaryn Creation (Sky Woman falls to the Earth and the animal spirits make Turtle Island for her to live on. She gives birth to Lynx, who in turn has the Twins sapling and Flint, all whom shape the World (Twins Kari and Jenni Twins Christina and Taryn Twins Jane and PKD From Lynx Bobcat Jaguar Tiger Sky Woman Woman of the Apocalypse Our Lady of Guadalupe Our Lady of Fatima Our Lady, Queen of Martyrs (drunk with the blood of the saints the deranged Twins in hypostasis for when the world was created, it was the supernal letters that brought into being all the works of the Lower World, literally after their own pattern (the mad deranged God / Zebra disguised as the demiurge the insane Cosmic Christ Hell is Salvation Gehenna is Redemption (Lake of Fire Jazz Improvisation The Primal Subject is AYIN Taryn to God’s right, is water and hail, while Christina, to God’s left, is Fire. The RN reconciles between the two. Cosmic Nurse high priestess her own for the making her own for the veil and a covering cherub doubling Shekinah (twins all the way down. Twin and Not-Twin Was and Not-Was One and Not-One So much appearance so much Being ---> so much reduction, so much givenness
Now Inhabits (excerpt from Book #7)
Now inhabits and constitutes Non-Now The Whole God of Hosts outside God of Ghosts unconscious reductive materialism Other Animal Trace of what is Other exists in self-same, contaminating Nothing in Nothing (the RN thrust through by prophet Nurse wounded visions Kill Buddha / Kill father and mother and commit suicide in crucifixion Naming opens the differential matrix which is both language and world (look at you, hacker: a pathetic creature of meat and bone, panting and sweating as you run through my corridors. How can you challenge a perfect, immortal machine? Deferring is necessary prerequisites for Creation (In the Word, Christ the divine Autogenes created everything Sending phone calls from Satan again, says Taryn. Oh is that you? That was awesome. Yep. I was like, did work try calling again? but nope it was Santa. Bahaha just Santa spreading the cheer. I should send it to random people, like fast food places in town. Yes, that would be awesome. Ho ho ho. Ho ho ho you ho. Hoe hoe ho ho. Santa Claus is a pimp with all those ho’s -- who has Santa called so far? Panera Bread and Asian Garden. You’re so funny. What did it tell them? Feliz Navidad, says Taryn. Fashion a coin from every mistake, said Wittgenstein, but this is only worthwhile if you have something in the bank already (assimilating the unintended consequences drives the risk of meaning. How much do you love me? A whole lot like more than Heli Man loves helicopters and barbies. That is a whole lot. Unconditionally? Ya, says Taryn. The Six Bunny-Wunnies and Their Pony Cart The Six Bunny-Wunnies Go to Long Beach The Six Bunny-Wunnies Make Cookies The Six Bunny-Wunnies Join an Encounter Group The Six Bunny-Wunnies and Their X-KE The Six Bunny-Wunnies and Their Water Bed The Six Bunny-Wunnies and Their Layover in Anderson Indiana The Six Bunny-Wunnies and the Female Veterinarian The Six Bunny-Wunnies Freak Out The Six Bunny-Wunnies Visit Plains, Georgia (all written by Christina who holds bunny-wunnies hostage. Taryn consort of heretics Taryn whore masquerading Taryn bitch of alchemists Taryn woman of light and darkness mystical sister of Logos Shekinah vessel of divinity exiled to Creation Shekinah bride descend lower descend only world not world but that which is not world World made more World the most present World where God manifests even in terrorist attacks and mass murders Spirit returns to him dead every making way for emptiness God ---> Void ---> Khora ---> presence before presence before contraction To eat flesh kings flesh captains flesh mighty men flesh horses flesh all men cast the Lake of Fire Brimestone -- I row that lake and I’ve fished that fire catching sulfur and thrown armies in my nets. I experience my image the False Prophet and AntiTaryn (I worship idols / I make sacrifices to late-stage Capitalism I buy and sell (you’ve been here three years, three months, and three weeks -- stay tree more days and if, at the end of that time, if you have not attained enlightenment, commit suicide. I worship idols and false images / I praise death (only sacrifice. My body sacrifices (to eat flesh benjamin cynocephalous baboons flanking my body pincher movement and double envelopment the boat and fisherman daily renewed dripping flames and water lines Death and Hades cast into the Lake of Fire This is the Second Death (Death’s suicide Death perpetrating Death death cyclic into deprivation the Lake that burns with fire and sulphur If your hand causes you to sin, cut it off -- it is better for you to enter life maimed than with two hands to go into Gehenna, that unquenchable fire Taryn Inferno Taryn conflagration Valley of the Son of Hinnom sacrificed children Visions! Omens! Hallucinations! Miracles! Ecstacies! Dreams! Adorations! Illuminations! Religions! Ten years animal screams and suicides Death faking death death second death Faithless, detestable, murderers, sexually immoral, sorcerers, idolators, and all liars, their portion will be the lake that burns with fire and sulfur the second death Death itself dies Death commits suicide Second Death dead no longer (Taryn Inferno and Taryn hell welcomes all -- Hell rejects no one and we nurse those hallowed, hollowed, and harrowed RNs underworld where God refuses to go Sea of Fire angels and demons like transparent burning embers, all blackened and burnished bronze, floating in conflagration God gave me in hell and turned me over in ocean flame I Am the LORD and there is no one else I form the Light and create Darkness I make Peace and create Evil: I the LORD do all these things God drove me into wilderness, the Hell-located desert that buzzes stinging insects and wind whip God is my Adversary God is my Accuser How you have fallen from heaven, O light-bringer and day-star, Son of the Morning! You shall be brought down to Sheol, to the innermost recesses of the Pit (Christ’s Crucifixion into Holy Sabbath, Christ divided against himself cut into Hell. benjamin, Sheol below is stirred up to need you at your coming the shades of the dead come greet you (give us as seven sermons I give you God the dragon devouring his own young and Spirit Spouse (Oh Yah Taryn is mine God the Beast from the Earth and the Beast from the Sea and I am the False Prophet and AntiChrist performing miracles in YHWH’s name I form the Light and create Darkness I make Peace and create Evil: I the LORD do all these things O Light-Bringer and Day-Star Radiant and Brilliant Morning Star given to crucifixion and the prison of the dead The Entire Body of Christ clothed in Judas and Satan and he could not cut off his humanity but Hell glorified his Flesh he communed and broke bread with the dead (dead come for me. Hell comes for me, the tuning fork of God I saw within its depths how it conceives all things in a single volume bound by Love, of which the universe is the scattered leaves (the partzufim Taryn benjamin opened his mouth in blasphemy against God, the blaspheme his Name (Christ Accuser Yah Adversary) and his tabernacle (SDA Church) and them that dwell in heaven. And it was given to benjamin to make war with the Saints and overcome them (And all that dwell on Earth worship Yah beast coming out of the Earth with two horns like a Lamb and spake like a dragon Book of Life <---> Lake of Fire O Day Star <---> Brilliant Morning Star Valley of Gehenna <---> New Jerusalem 144,000 apostates and heretics 144,000 harlots and gnostics 144,000 Christina’s and Taryn’s If the worlds had not between created, along with all that is in them, the true manifestation of his blessed, external existence -- past, present, and future -- could not have been seen, for he would have not been called by the name HVYH (he is always on the brink of suicide because he seeks salvation through the routine formulas suggested to him by society in which he lives suicide benjamin suicide Death suicide Christ Crucifixion suicide Enlightenment to those who journey to Hell
The Book Manifests (Excerpt From Book #7)
The Book manifests itself in different ways in different levels of material and psychological existence, and it exists at all possible combinations of letters and syllabaries. The Book corresponds to the set of all possible conceptual and linguistic worlds, and thus to all the limitless possibilities inherent in human writing and speech. As the Book is understood and interpreted, it necessarily breaks asunder into a myriad of interpretative possibilities saturating and exceeding the infinite context of human conversation, ultimately merging with the infinite possibilities of language itself (language without language multitude vocabularies / every word entails its own entire vocabulary infinity of infinities mathematics in disintegration mathematics in alligators language moats and stones (easter Island moai incomprehensible Lacan mathemes Book submerging Real before Language (my language before acquisition and my vocabulary is beyond symbolic differance in differance what makes possible the presentation of being present my language not quite itself something but pointing towards Taryn directing the Horned God makes possible the very gesture of presentation of being present but it itself can never be presented (apophatic god-work My language before total appropriation (Book ---> Appropriation Totality Appropriative Total this trace which retains the mark of a past element and already lets itself be hallowed by the interior Future What is called the Future than to what is called the past, and constitutes the named Taryn (the Present by this very relation to what it is not, to what it absolutely is not Absolutely Is Taryn Taryn Absolutely Is NOT The NOT Working Tree Tree of Perfection Contraction of God triggers the quantum fluctuations that generates the Big bang and the subsequent inflation of the Universe I began to feel that I had been spending so much time exploring the upper atmosphere and the more ethereal kind of far and spacey stuff. Now there was this need to take some more of the earth and to feel a little more tethered; a connection to the earth. I was beginning to feel that we were playing this heavy kind and I was tired of everything being heavy. I wanted to play something lighter (I wanted to write something lighter. The Revolt of God The filthy wailing ones of God Those who flee from God (I’m a blonde, B-L-O-N-D-E I’m a blonde, don’t you wish you were with me? NOT NOTHING (the Revelation of anything is through its opposite / opposition Christ and AntiChrist God and Adversary the Marriage of Heaven and Hell O Day Star / the Morning Star within everything is its opposite and also it is truly revealed as its opposite Harrowing of Hell Christ in the Wilderness Kingdom of Flesh Messiah and Harlot Whore and Mother of God Queen of families Queen conceived without original sin (the most originary sin Queen assumed into Heaven (Hell eternal energy Queen of the Most Holy Rosary Queen of Peace (benjamin resting at her breasts Polluted with God God LD50 Divine Completeness everything is its opposite and its strength comes from its opposing power Hermeneutics of Hell and Inferno experienced in Fresno and I drilled deep volcanic matter carried by the Thrilla in Manilla and Rumble in the Jungle (God, why have you created me so eternally dissatisfied? So frightened, so bitter? Why must I realize how wretched I am? Why must I suffer so hellishly for my insignificance? If there is a purpose to my suffering, then tell me, so I can bear the pain without complaint. I’m strong. You made me so very strong in both body and soul, but you never give me a task worthy of my strength. Give my life meaning, and I’ll be your obedient slave (God you strengthen my body with suicide and my Flesh with Kindred and marriage, yet I am still useless. I do not nurse I do not RN I do not heal I wither and witness in hell and underworld Hell is the most boring imagination Heaven and hell in one potentially in coincidentia oppositorum You are most like Snow White. You are sweet, elegant, and caring. You are a child at heart, responsible and generous. Although a little naive, your beauty and charm will win over anyone. Just stay away from strangers with poisoned apples. And it shall be in that day that every prophet will be ashamed of his vision when he prophesies; they shall not wear a robe of coarse hair to deceive, but he will say, I am no prophet, I am a farmer; for a man taught me to keep cattle from my youth. And one will say to him, what are these wounds between your arms? Then he will answer, those with which I was wounded in the house of my friends. God, I am ashamed of my visions; the dreams and images cloud like cataracts and cat-eye marbles. Yah, these are not the days but I doubt my death and bridal chamber in Hell. My Spirit Wife only comes in the name of Hell presenting Sheol lamenting the dead Spirit Wife banshee / Spirit desert Lilith. I am no prophet, but these are prophecies this epileptic fits drought desert casting lots drought destroys us and the coast gloats its glory Salt Ocean flows from her body Her breasts and mouth flood brine and sediment vampire squid humboldt squid dumbo octopus bio-luminesce abysspelagic hadalepegic (communion with the dead. Communion is always Communion with the Dead I marry high priestess the midnight zone and parasite sacrifices I am not a prophet; I am an RN. I have been taught healing from my youth. These wounds are from the Rumble in the Jungle and the Thrilla in Manilla. These wounds are from the Brawl in Montreal. It shall come to pass that if anyone still prophesies, his father and mother who begot him shall thrust him through. In the nursing program, the house of my friends. These wounds in the nursing program, the house of my friends. Present and presence carved by past and future, rendering it meaningful a pure point in presence non-experience (that Nothing the Name I utter new words which issue forth medicines ever new combinations of elements and consonants / spiritual lights and potencies Spirit medicine / medicine from Spirits Dead commanding towards Jerusalem Ann Marie tells me: Yesterday I was talking with a friend about the difference between the aspects of my theology that I could communicate within the current Christian framework / scaffolding / theology and those aspects that I do not know how to communicate in the current theological framework or in contemporary theologies. And in talking about that outside the boundary theology, I referenced you. I stated that I felt you were articulating some of that theology that I cannot speak, that nonetheless is the golden thread for me -- the word and silence, presence and absence, light and dark, image and symbol -- that I experience and sometimes glimpse in my own writing and imaging. Your work sometimes feels like a response to questions I have asked or will ask -- an ongoing conversation that takes place on multiple levels -- revealed and concealed through us and from us more than to us. I suspect you have a similar relationship to others. I would call our particular conversation scriptural, says Ann Marie, in that it is mediated by scripture. Many other prophets and visionaries have lived and been written this way -- perhaps a process through which ‘God’ writes on the human heart -- not even only one individual but not possible without particular individuals who live and love in particular bodies, places, and times, says Ann Marie. I do not write -- I juxtapose. I place rock against rock. I do not modify, develop, or transform -- I find and categorize. I find and place juxtaposition.
I Open God (Excerpt from Book #7)
I open God I empty God I must speak a ‘to’ God instead an ‘of’ God emptying God and finding God truly incomprehensible It opens the play of God (of God and with God of God with self and with Creation opening a passion to God God, passion me toward Creativity the I believe in all religions, and more so, the visionary tradition (the visionary inversion Empty empty Space spacing A nondualism that is a contradiction The Junk God the God of the trash heap Pulp Fiction God and pornography Elohim God of the cheap tabloids and street photography God hiding in children’s books and newsreels (newsreels and documentaries of goosestepping soldiers You can never tell what goes on down below this pool might be bigger than you or I know The God hiding secret information in the Three Stigmata of Palmer Eldritch Ubik Flow My Tears, the Policeman Said all turtles are free as turtles and, maybe, all creatures should be Free, Love moved me, which compelleth me to speak I entered into the deep and savage way I entered into the deep and savage why becoming-self as becoming-god to leave all to leave everything something through the love of God Nothing nothing free female complete-becoming the to God forth emptying Yah from Yah (no doubt to leave God abandon leave Taryn and let her be (be beyond being-something Nothing arises Nothing Prayer trying Prayer (do I say from God or to God? PKD saw and heard the turtle (all turtles are free, the Galapagos Turtle which of the spirit said that even though it appeared otherwise, the dying turtle was somehow extricated: and she shall see the sea and she shall sea the see (vision and Revelation. Taryn is tiger-swim, both the hunting and befriending turtles (the Ancient Turtle that supports the universe. Why sea -- because the sea ebbs its prayers from the very beginning, before the separation and division not One but Twins / nor Twins but One intense circularity and reflexivity of Torah God Hebrew Letters the Adamic language which is secretly hidden in this Book the Twins are One Christina and Taryn or One Christina and ben or One Taryn ben disseminated Oceanic disseminated Sea She sees sea / She shall sea seeing Turtle swims Turtle Twins What we do in dreams we also do when we are awake: we invent and fabricate the person with whom we associate -- and immediately forget we have done so (the walking dream as dead conjuring salt circles and grimiores (Greater Key of Solomon fabricating the angels and demons I associate with the mystics and fays are my acquaintances negatively existent Absolute (non)Being mysterious Unknown Root at the Roots of All Things (polytheistic rhizome empty space rhizome decentered dreams themselves dreaming (Link’s Awakening a David Lynch movie Unconscious into the uncertainty beyond Name and Form (beyond the finite and supernal aspects of the Tree of Life Negativity and Nothing NOT and Christina Taryn NOT into Shadow and Shadows complementary negativity disjunction negation of the negation (and Earth was nullified. Corner case and software brittleness (the only pro or crypto-nazi is you. Now listen, you queer, you stop calling me a crypto-nazi or I’ll sock you in the goddamn face and you’ll stay plastered I’m a crypto-Christian I’m the secret Fish Sign penetrating the false worlds to send messages to PKD (the false world is a world of psychology / unconsciousness I’m Doubting Thomas, Thomas Mani, Thomas PKD, and Christina Thomas Christina crypt cryptos-Christ secret church entrances (the name that can be named is NOT, an enduring and unchanging name This is the first thought: She became the womb of everything, for it is she prior to all, the Mother-Father, the first man, the Holy Spirit, the thrice-male, the thrice-powerful, the thrice-named androgynous one, and the eternal aeon among invisible ones, and the first to come forth conceived as having no name, she originates Heaven and Earth; conceived as having a name, She Mothers all things Crypto-Christianity Crypto-Fascism (Sorry I didn’t answer your call -- I have this problem with my phone where I hate you. The dead shall live, the living die. I kill what lives; I save what has died. And I will tell you this: there are things worse than I the Destroying God One adorned with fire (the Saint neither survives nor does not survive his physical death. You get your smarts from me, Levi. No, from me, says Granmama. I get them from school and my teacher, says Levi (yeah, because every kid loves going to school, says my brother sarcastically. But not me, says Levi. Interesting verbs are seldom very interesting. Death dreams Death dreams Elvis Presley still alive (The King is gone but he’s not forgotten it’s better to burn out than it is to rust Chuck Buck died. I own a Buck 110 50th Anniversary edition and a Buck 501. I rather like them. Someday I will get a custom Buck 55 or 110 in CPM S30V, and Buffalo Horn covers. I will burn out before I rust; I will burn out before I fade away. Frightening sounds in strange places excite and cause strange desires (the Lust for God the sex trade for YHWH whisperers Kingdom fuck fuck fuck Taryn demon and sister of Lilith Nepthys and Isis Lady of the Temple Enclosure Ascend and Descend Descend with Nepthys sink into darkness with the night-bark Ascend and Descend Ascend with Isis rise with the day-bark Taryn Lilith-Isis-Nepthys Taryn RN to Pharoahs dedicated to the sacred Phallus the woman with falcon wings Nursing-Mother mother nursing The 22 letters in the Upper World and the 22 letters in the Lower World Manifest Alef of Unity the infinities that drove Cantor to insanity only through Small Face can one know the Vast Face (renouncing Elokim for Christina Taryn When I suddenly stopped believing in the lie, I did not begin to think differently -- I saw differently, as if something was gone from the world which had always been there. Like a scrambling device that had been removed: deliberate scrambling. All, suddenly, was clear language. God seemed to seek me out and expressed things through things and what took place. Everywhere I saw signs along a path, marking His presence. A week after I realized that with no possibility of evading it, everything altered radically for me, and the World began to talk, in a true language of signs -- silently (I do not remember if I wrote this or PKD; I do not remember if I experienced this or an a-theist Jacques Derrida YHWH haunted him / God texts everything. God saturates All. God neither / nor, that is simultaneously either/or. Taryn simultaneously either/or God neither/nor YHWH whatness or thisness Torah originally given as an incoherent scramble of letters and these letters rearrange themselves in response to historical events (The book change and rearranges in action and creation to Future the to-come and History ancient Prophecy revival new psalms and lamentations Each and every one ought to write a scroll of Torah, and the Occult secret of this matter is She has made God herself (the secret world of the Godhead is a world of language The scripture written on the letters Christina Taryn the Real is a matter of pushing language in the right places (consuming the names and propositions Queen of Angels Queen of Patriarchs Queen of Prophets Queen of Apostles Queen of Martyrs Queen of Confessors Queen of Virgins Queen of All Saints Queen of benjamin Queen of Our Marriage
Vision and Mysticism 