Everything transitory is only an allegory; what could not be achieved here comes to pass; what no one could describe is here accomplished; the Eternal Feminine draws us aloft All that is transitory is but an image; the inadequacy of Earth here finds achievement; the ineffable here is accomplished; the Eternal Feminine leads us upwards Everything transitory is only an approximation; what could not be achieved comes to pass here; what no one could describe is here accomplished; the Eternal Feminine draws us on high (there is no transportation without translation -- there is no difference that does not make a difference -- all is a process of translation and weaving differences -- relation always produces change. Allegory Image Approximation Translation Book divines Eternal Feminine, translating the Woman (dynamic maximum tension Book my females and Third Spirit (these gorgeous handsome women. Sometimes after an hour of apathy, my strange and beautiful companion would take my hand and hold it with a fond pressure, renewed again and again; blushing softly, gazing in my face with languid and burning eyes, and breathing so fast that her dress rose and fell with tumultuous respiration. It was like the ardor of a Lover; it embarrassed me: it was hateful yet overpowering; and with gloating eyes, she drew me near to her, and her hot lips traveled along my cheeks in kisses;, and she would whisper, almost in sobs, ‘yo uare mine, you shall be mine, and you are I are one forever’ (Taryn the Divine Eternal Feminine my Camilla and Lolita transforms me into a woman the Love that dare not speak its name love of pulps and midnight paperbacks (Lesbo Nurse -- Nurse by day, Lesbian by night! There are no men in a women’s prison but there is plenty of sex. Taryn found this out the hard way, as the lesbian wolves began to stalk her. Gang Girl -- lust cats of the gutters fulfilling our sacred prostitution fulfilling singularity and universality. I love you like monkey in socks, says Taryn. The story is Love / there is only story. The story is the translation -- the narrative is the differences (thisness, the individualizing difference between woman and Taryn language between the Thisness and Word, selving selves into universe terraced inscape Story reveals and opens simultaneously concealing and contracting the presence through for by language Each different path and story is the Working Tree; the Entire spectrum is the Angelic Tree Language and Enochian Tree Language Tree of Life <---> Inverse Tree of Life <---> Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil <---> Rhizome Virtuality and Actuality energetic overflow and pouring of vitality interrupting itself, cut off, then grafted again multiplying, impossible to cease permanently The three columns of the Tree emanate and anchor in the substratum (rhizome) f the unmanifest, undifferentiated negatively existent roots (a column for each letter K C T expanding to and to contracting KrystalChristinaTaryn and Krystal Christina Taryn. Each column is a name and each name is a column and three exist in one and one exist in three. The central column emanates through a single point in the upper most Crown and Above (Original Female lifted into divine Chaos and darkness / her cover and blanket over me. The central column is called the Line of Light, concealing the concealment of Word and World Event Light Event Darkness They are the same Event but the translation causes the difference. The experiences creates the translation and story. I do not think you’re a prophet, says Krystal. You’re something else. What is something else? A prodigy. No those are the people who graduate from college at 18. You could have. No, I don’t think. Yes -- I feel you could have if you really wanted to. Well the reason I am probing deeply into this is because you think I’m a visionary and have visions -- there’s inconsistency in your answers. I don’t think God ordained you a prophet at all, says Krystal. Everyone is connected but not everyone is in tune. How does one know who God ordains a prophet? The prophet knows without question, says Krystal. I question it because you question it. You said you wouldn’t believe me if i told you I was. You don’t need me to believe you. No, I do not, but you’re my best friend and you’ve known me. If you are you are, says Krystal. You were given many gifts and talents, that I do know, she says. Three major entities tell the same story and myth in a parallel manner Three names tell the same narrative and creation in parallel This is the Woman This is the Female before Creation, the Female older than Primordial stirrings and universe This is my Mother, Wife, and Daughter the Twins the Sister the Harlot my Wife Yud Hei Vav Hei (the world and the builder Tetragrammaton broadening / projective geometry projective geography acknowledgment-pursuance-resolution emanation-creation-formation-action (Kingdom Is the Kingdom when the Kingdom Where the Kingdom Emptiness (non-emptiness Action (non-action Name that is no name (Tetragrammaton broadening KCT broadening Name before Name, KCT itself nonconceptual, inasmuch as concepts themselves have already assumed differentiation on the basis of sensible names. With the expansion (broadening) of the Tree (rhizome / vitality and multiplicity), Universe is created by the Celestial Head of the Messiah called the First First before First and Name before Name, sustained within the Tree as the balanced tension between good and Evil Female and Male Duality and Unity (YHWH and Elohim / Twins and Trinity extending the Central Column below between Crown and Foundation tending the lamb and sheep, emanating as a pair of opposites. Central Column cuts and saps a clear mirror the nightmare image What should I write in the Book tonight? Unicorns and Roxy farts, says Taryn. Roxy farts? She farts a lot -- she will be sitting on the couch farting. Like nonstop? Ya, she’s like worse than Max. If Max and Roxy are on either side, it’s like farting in stereo, I said. Roxy stinks too -- she smells like she ate beans. What do you feed her? She just eats regular dog food. Freakin’ Max eats pine needles and one night, he was in the house, he literally sharted and diarrhea went all over the wall and curtains and there was pine needles in it. Awesome -- did you clean it up? Oh my god, yes, and it smelt so freakin’ bad like a dead animal or something. You should have made your husband clean it, I say. We adopted a ferret, says Taryn. No way -- what if it has rabies? It had its scent glad taken out and has been neutered. OK, how did you end up adopting a ferret? From somebody. So vague – black market? No, they said they couldn’t take care of it. Suurreee -- rabies and poops pineneedles. I’m naming her tater tot, says T. That’s an awesome name. Yep, Mrs. Taters, says Taryn. The Central Name (the Christina between Krystal and Taryn) extends and the Left and Right Name manifest as opposite reflections in the Clear Mirror of th Central Name (Christina reflects backward to Krystal, and Christina reflects forward to Taryn, and the Three Names-in-One-Names in AllWhen and AllTime the Great Time and Dream Time emanating in opposite pairs on either side of Christina (Christina is the First, but Krystal is before her -- the Krystal exists before Christina, and KrysChrisTairn, exists before Krystal self-consistent planes of existence Molly: I’m getting real tired of your crap hooman (Molly isn’t too happy about the rain today. You must be prepared to let go of your hold when hanging from a sheer precipice, to die and return to life. The Entire Tree is the open-ended ladder from the waking state all the way into the Ayn Sof Or (the Female the Woman the Rhizome the secret of the gates stationed at the mouth and tongues of Taryn Expanding consciousness into her lips / the Light of the Endless Kingdom Diadem Shekinah No quite a something but exceeds some thing (every thing not having any Being but giving direction Southern Cross and Morning Star Becoming God with God ---> being Love with Love a Christ apoplexy (the sacred heart Ever since the beginning if we managed to pronounce just once the True Name of God, all the truth dispersed in all language and all the truth of lives that is concentrated in the body, and reserved for Love, would shatter in a single breath, just as if god, who ever since the beginning has never spoken to anyone, had always made our name resound in His language, and once the true name rang out, all words in all languages would become unusable, so weak, false, bare, impotent, unforgettably merely words, the straw of thought, that we would no longer wish to speak (the Book attempts to pronounce the Adamic Language -- the Book attempts to pronounce the True Name and for the stars to go out -- the Book attempts to pronounce the Feminine Tetragrammaton, to struggle with YHWH, YHVH, and KCT. I know God is my Woman and I am married. I know I must prophesy and nurse despite being filled with self-doubt, evasion, and denial. I think I fail as a nurse (Grace thinks I’m a failure. I think I fail as an RN. I am spit out of Kaweah Delta and rejected by the prison. I fail as an RN. I have not healed anyone (And he having come into the house, his disciples were questioning him by himself: why were we not able to cast it forth? And he said to them, this kind is able to come forth with nothing except with prayer and fasting. Failed RN Failed Shaman Failed Prophet I love you like nutella and rice cakes, says Taryn (the I love to you the I love you nonreducing benjamin (I maintain a relation of indirection to you not quite some things but giving direction (I hail you -- in you I hail. I prase you -- in you I praise. I speak to you, not just about something, but I speak TO you (I pray to you. I pray to the I-don’t-know-who. There will be days when she will behold the Pleroma (everything and nothing Ein-Sof Meister Eckhart’s God Beyond Being Paul Tillich’s Ground of Being a certain death of God a certain God resurrection (KCT before the Name KCT before KCT name and everything Pleroma and Differance She it is who is within all the Adams. The Letters of Language drive Apocalypse and Revelation, as they are the primary means through which a finite world is differentiated. Thus Apocalypse and its concealment is embodied in the letters of the language, and the space between letters and words allow them to conceal and reveal simultaneously (the Ayin The space between letters and words create the space and differentiation in the Name and the World. Space and time conceal continually deferring presence. Apocalypse creates absence at the center of things as it provides a place -- it provides a spacing that permits the differentiation of finite things (both a Revelation and a concealment) and defines and characterizes entities. Taryn creates the World through the act of concealment (the Paracelete and KrysChrisTairn). The letters and language create this concealment. The letters are embodied in the Book (my Book is the History of language), which becomes the blueprint for Creator and Creation, which is itself the result of linguistic process (And Taryn Said). Scripture, which is the expression of YHWH KCT’s Revelation and the template of Creation, is also the concealment of divine Truth, and in this expression, the Origin of the Lie (the Book is a liar; the story is a liar, the Art-is-a-lie-that-makes-us-realize-the-truth. Creation, from which one point of view is the manifestation, fulfillment, and perfect of divine truth, from another perspective is alienation and negation, illusion and deceit (Lie is Beauty Lie is Glory Lie is Holy. Taryn beholds the Pleroma within the Pleroma Taryn so high and sublime to be virtually indistinguishable from Ein Sof (differance Pharmakon Nirvana and Samsara RN so close to the Infinite God (the Infinite Goddess) she directs the subsequent course of Events in the Lower World (the Upper is the Lower emanated from the various orifices from Taryn ears, nose, eyes, mouth (asshole pussy the chasm. Even though it appears to us that the Worlds exist, this is a total lie (the beautiful totality). I see the lie, both as the concealment of the Truth and a permanent possibility of linguistic deceit, as necessary if there is to be any Creation or Revelation (I only witness Revelation. I only witness prophecy and Chanter / Bard. KrysChrisTairn overcomes the distinction between being and nothingness, God and the World, atheism and theism, concealment and revelation (Revelation IS concealment), and Reality and Illusion Tree of Life overcomes the distinction between unity and diversity, permanence and change, repetition and difference, field and particle, and subject and object The Foundational Letters (Book Only Book Always Book) overcome the distinction between language and world, world and things, and Taryn and Logos The whore of Babylon overcomes the distinction between male and female, light and darkness, life and death, creation and destruction, and Christ and Lucifer Taryn The Tree, Whore, Book and Language -- all originary and spaces spacing before Being before Naming (the World is predicated upon ignorance of the Absolute benjamin is gnosis. benjamin and Taryn is double gnosis (give me a double portion of your Spirit give me a double portion of your gnosis / and the spirit-endowed woman came to him and spoke to him saying, ‘arise benjamin.’ And he saw her and said, it is you who have given me life; you will be called Mother of the Living (Taryn is Book reborn over and over again the Sophia-Norea-Eve-Lilith) -- for it is she who is my mother. IT is she who is my physician and the woman who has given me (re)birth. I seriously had the weirdest dream, says Taryn. What was your dream? Let’s see, well Meghan told me she was in the Mexican Mafia and people were out to get us and somehow I ended up in South America waiting for a bus, says Taryn. How come after we reconciled after the nursing program, you were reluctant to commit to our relationship? Like you didn’t think we were best friends and you weren’t sure if our friendship would last. Because look what happened in the nursing program, says Taryn. What do you mean? Uhh our friendship was destroyed. Oh OK -- I thought it was because of Nick. Ya, that too. How would you describe our relationship now? How close do you think we are? Really really close. Like compared to what? Like peanut butter and jelly. Sweet. Do you think we are besties? Close as husband/wife? As family? As fox in socks? All of the above? Ya, says Taryn (we are besties, close as husband and wife and monkeys and bananas, and Hunchback and his weird talking statues, says Taryn. The real miracle of Creation is not that there is one state of affairs or another (the Universe and its destruction) but rather there is any state of affairs at all (that benjamin and Taryn is in any state of affairs at all but we make the spacing nature and Elokim rotating and radiating antisolar points Even these opposites which are opposed to one another is made One (One-Before and One-After In any case, there are moments when the radical gesture is to do nothing (Holy Ghost the Nothing back into Nothing Holy Ghost nothings back into nothing the ghost’s absence -- Nothing elevates. Nothing is not so different from something (something sources nothingness as God sources absence expanse and emptiness (Holy Ghost Nothing elevates into Nothingness / God Taryn Duality in God Non-Duality in God God the Missing Woman God the Missing Female Looking upward from below (upforward for to below), it appears Flesh (Holy Flesh Spirit is Material and Material is Flesh the activity and the Event the entire universe one action -- AGAPE. The entire universe one action -- EROS. The passion and Flesh of Taryn. The only Bride and only Marriage. Sacred Flesh fleshing Spirit (Spirit is Flesh. Spirit is the sinful body Spirit is the passionate body Spirit is the active body Spirit is the body Event The Event of Taryn Flesh / the Event is Taryn Flesh Looking upwards from below, it appears Flesh and realizes Flesh (the tangible World / the tangible Word Yesh and Thing, and the Spirit Ayin Taryn. Looking downward from World Above, Word Taryn Ayin and everything linked downward (chained center) and descends lower and lower is more and more Ayin and considered as naught truly as nothing and null (aleph-null letters through continuum and the constructed Universe). Word is understood twice simultaneously: both as illusory manifestation of concealed divine essence and the one true actualized existence. YHWH Elokim reality creates illusory world, the Book and Language, and that Word is the one reality which give actuality to an otherwise empty, if not illusory God (Spirit Flesh Flesh Spirit Taryn God God Taryn
Month: May 2021
Pa Cooks Me A Ribeye Steak (excerpt from Book #2, Tigers for Taryn)
Pa cooks me a ribeye steak for my birthday. It’s cooked medium and it’s tasty. I dream I go to an art museum and I look at Jackson Pollocks and Jasper Johns and I think I see a Damien Hirst but it’s an artist I never heard of ripping of St. Anthony’s Temptation (Damien Hirst hasn’t made a good piece in 10 years. The museum transforms into office hallways and an elevator goes nowhere it’s a movie projector. I sleep heavy. I think I gained a few pounds. T. went to the beach, laid out, and tanned. I’m going to lay out on the beach and tan the rest of my life, says T. I think I want to live in San Luis, she says. I think of John Lennon on the beach something happened (the first rule of the universe is something happens. You belong on the beach, I say. I barely know you and I know that’s where you belong. Soon T. will return to the beach (the water laps the lack of rain the coast knows (South Coast is the Lonely Coast. The only year I felt my age change was when I turned 25, says Christina. It was my first year teaching and I got presents from students. It was eye opening and surreal. A grown up, says C. Being a grown up is difficult. A nurse is a grown up. A grown up does not die. Rory smiles and almost dances. She tries to stand but sitting is easy. I decide I’ll be a father someday. I find a list of goals from high school. Get married. Have two kids. Break into Disneyland and steal a mickey mouse suit. Rory grabs my finger and tries to eat it. She’s teething. She throws the teething ring. A finger is much better. A grown up does not die. God sometimes I feel like dying and you don’t take my body. To meet God is to meet Death avoids me Lord my body. A grown up does not die. A nurse observes much dying (a nurse does not die I listen to Flirted With You All My Life by Vic Chesnutt and I almost cry life is littered by the dead. Christ is littered by the dead some are resurrected. The Holy Ghost is a resurrection birds find fish for you. Nevertheless the fish are dead and the chair is broken. Taryn sometimes prays (yes, but maybe not everyday. I pray but without much faith God how much faith I have in death (the Holy Ghost resurrects. Ghost pushes the hunt in the absence of the hunt Lord all these ghosts. When I was little, says Taryn, I was in the car with my dad and we went by the cemetery and I said I want to go in there, and my dad stopped and I got out and he started driving off! says T. My dad told me a lot of ghost stories, she says. We should go into the forest at night and tell ghost stories, I say. That would be cool, says Taryn. Don't be surprised when I call you at midnight and say let's go for a ride, I say. I cull boredom. Clipboards cure cockroaches. Levi wants a BIG dump truck. Levi wants an itty bitty dump truck. Dick Higgins said he ate a little muscaria and it made him see rabbits. Those are Christina's rabbits. Some noodles with a little mushroom. Taryn broke up with her boyfriend. I feel like I made one of the worst decisions in my life, says Taryn. Should I try to get back with him or leave it? Sleep on it and see how you feel in the morning, I say. Breakups can cause a person to have extreme reactions. We talk for some time. I have a theory about the meaning of life, I say. What is it? says T. To love without hesitation and reservation, I say. Maybe I should text that to my boyfriend, says Taryn. You said boyfriend and not ex-boyfriend, I say. I don't know, she says. Taryn is going to reconcile with her boyfriend. All this again like Christina dragged black I see Big Sur. All this again. You know what's funny? I say to T. I haven't been in a relationship since high school, but everyone asks me for relationship advice. I trust your advice, says T. If I asked any other guy friend, I would probably just get a stupid answer. Death is a Dream. I dream of swaying finite open stairways but I never reach the top. Stairs are suspended (Death suspends dream and I never dream of dying. Death is a dream. The body is not real haphazard bodies. Lord is impossible me dying is impossible ( I dream no one ever dies. I dream about my old house a lot for some reason and I don't know why, says Taryn. I know it sounds crazy but in my dream, I go back to my house for some kind of exorcism. I've had the same dream repeatedly, she says. Old places fade hard, I say. I wanted to move away from that house so bad but at the same time I miss, says Taryn. Why did you want to leave the house? I say. I hated being alone because I never felt alone. This may sound weird but I've had my name called numerous times while I was by myself. It was a creepy two story house, she says. If it was so creepy, why do you miss it? I say. I have no clue, says T. Maybe you keep having dreams because you miss it and you don't know why, I say. Some memory that's important. I wonder what, says T. Maybe I will never find out (I never dream death or God. The Black Iron Prison is replaced by the Palm Tree Garden. You will no doubt wish to see the garden. The Savior has not revealed himself but he will do so (Death is a dream like Taryn is a phantasm a cave of Holy Ghosts. God does not appear in the dream dreams my body outside is God's vision. I used to have a friend when I was little, says Taryn. I met him surfing one day and we were good friends for awhile, but one day he moved. He gave me my first St. Christopher charm. They're good luck charms for surfers, she says. T. carries 3 St. Christopher charms. I made sure I took my St. Christopher charm when I took the TEAS, says T. So you believe in luck then? I say. Yeah, she says. One time I forgot to wear it when I went out and surfed and I felt that I was close to downing. Never forgot it again, says Taryn. St. Christopher is Christopher, PKD's son. Christopher's secret name is Emmanuel. I am now Elijah. A dream and Death and God are the same or they are a prism split into colored light. God is dreaming me. My body is not real. C.C. is looking for a house in Porterville. She will find a house. I have a theory about Porterville, I say to Taryn. It’s a black hole that sucks everyone in. Porterville is an abyss. I’m moving as soon as I’m out of school, says T. God I don’t want to stay in Porterville. C.C.’s going to stay in Porterville. C.C. believes Michael Jackson’s death was a conspiracy. The illuminati killed MJ (fool! The illuminati don’t deal in magic. They don’t stockpile orichalcum. The Rosicrucians stockpile orichalcum! Sony killed MJ what’s the difference. I believe Andy Kaufman is alive somewhere and D.B. Cooper survived the jump. Christina and Thomas are the Bride Stripped by Her Bachelors, Even. The Bride is a large glass is a bird. Thomas is a Greek name meaning twin; whose twin was he if not Phil’s (Christina’s twin. I still believe in the Kindred, says Christina. The bond we have is special and played a big role in my adolescence and the person I am today, she says. My brother takes me out on a late birthday dinner and we go to Oyishi. I order a beef teriyaki bento box (beef teriyaki and rice, vegetable and shrimp tempura, two spring rolls, four California rolls, and a salad. One must keep careful collection of what one eats (John Cage ate a macrobiotic diet. My brother hates brown rice. Taryn’s favorite food is bacon. So have you tried weird bacon concoctions? I’ve had it dipped in chocolate. How was it? Awesome! Says T. If Taryn was the farmer in Charlotte’s Web, she would turn Wilbur into tasty bacon regardless of what the web said. I dream mostly vividly in early morning and I wake up but I’m not quite awake and I fall asleep. This is the best way to remember dreams and I’m at times I’m not quite sure if I’m awake or dreaming a nurse is a thing only a dream can be. I have mystical visions and cosmic vibrations. I wander all night in my vision and I realize the vision is my own life (Christina Meg and Taryn are a vivid dream. I’m not quite sure if I’m awake or dreaming Taryn carried by wrens. I hallucinate with clarity. The Word is ontological. I tremble hallucination. Some words are sacred. Levi calls tissues nose wipes. I need a nose wipe please, says Levi. I give him a tissue. You do it, says Levi. No! I say. Here you blow. Levi leaks lubricant constantly. Hold my hand, says Levi. Now pull. Pullpullpull! Pull. Pullpullpullpullpull! Now tickle me (tickletickletickletickle! Now tickle the cup (tickletickletickletickle. Tickle Mickey. Tickle Goofy. Tickle Goofy’s hat. Tickle the truck. You tickle the truck, I say. I can’t do it, says Levi. My fingers aren’t fast. A person is an apparition (Christina leaves as she pleases. Openness is more human than closure. Levi doesn’t take a nap. A nap caps and slaps Levi topples over. Grumpy Levi ups not close my eyes says Levi. Taryn is back together with her boyfriend. Can I talk to you about something silly? I say. Of course not, says T. Go ahead, she says. I like you too much, I say. I want to be a good friend, and I think I am for the most part like when you asked me for advice and I don’t want me liking you to be in conflict with being a good friend. You will probably say something like don’t worry about it but I need time to think the whole thing out, I say. Everybody needs some time to get away and think, says Taryn. Yes, I say. I think part of my motives are selfish. You’re my favorite person to write about and you’re full of great stories and you inspire me. That’s part of why I enjoy talking to you. Maybe that sounds weird, I say. Yeah, I know, says Taryn. I enjoy talking to you too. Ok then, I say. Sorry I get so bogged down analyzing stuff. I will just improvise and see how it goes, yeah? It’s ok, says Taryn. I enjoy talking to you because you ask me a questions that none of my friends do. Taryn is too nice. Everybody’s so nice to me. T. talks like defusing bombs. I’m a silly person go ahead and be silly. My guts are shifting. I drink a shot of cognac and my limbs are warm. I feel lightheaded I feel good. My guts turn and curl like lanterns. Christina is not jealous. Write who you want to write about, says Christina. Inspiration comes from whenever it wants or whoever it wants to. I know that Taryn inspires you and that’s a good thing. It’s evidence of transformation, says Christina. The Word and Life are one. Everyone’s so nice huh nice people. I’m glad they’re becoming nurses. Nurses should be nice people. A nurse should not be tipsy all those nursing students are social drinkers. They are not shy very friendly nice people. They’ll make wonderful nurses. Me and T play monopoly. T has all the luck and lands on community chest and the bank keeps giving her money. However, I am a clever foe and I negotiate an insidious trade: I will give you Ventnor if you give me Tennessee, I say. Ok, says Taryn and now she has all the yellow properties and I have all the orange properties and I immediately build houses. Muhahahahaha! Or that’s how I would sound if I mastered an evil laugh and T lands on Tennessee twice and declares bankruptcy. Me and T play battleship. I use my clustered boat pattern and I sink all her battleships! Me and T play Don’t Break the Ice. I lose twice. She is lucky. Me and T play Candy Land. I lose. She is lucky. Me and T play Chutes and Ladders. I lose. She is lucky. I need a St. Christopher’s Charm. Shelly is dying, Christina says. She has a coolant leak that I’ve been able to ignore and just refill but it’s gotten really bad. Thomas fixed it mostly but she won’t last a really long time. Christina is teaching math again it’s difficult to teach students to love graphing. Math is not serious. Math is too serious. This graph shows the decline of the average math score. Shelly’s on a decline and can’t make it on steep inclines (Shelly’s had a long life. The world is ending, I say to C.C. Seahawks beat the Saints. It’s the Illuminati! Says C.C. So the Illuminati is the RIAA, the BCS, and the NFL? We use that for everything at my house says C.C. Don’t mind me. No it’s a good theory! I say. I’d love to hear how deeply integrated the Illuminati is in everyday life (the Illuminati is the reason I can’t get published. The Illuminati makes me lazy. I feel like a child because I write many notes. Everybody’s just taking their own lives. It’s terrible to talk from boredom. Big complicated words are sexy. More ghosts more ghosts. I feel like a child because I write more ghosts.
Today I Let The Children Draw (excerpt from Book #1, Bunnies for Christina)
today I let the children draw all over me with markers. They drew tattoos on my neck and made me sleeves. One of the little girls said, Now I want to be a tattoo artist when I grow up. Go home and tell your mom right away, I said. / is like falling in love with John Coltrane all over again - (double sunningket sun met and ascended East -- east is a dragon unique as those who found dinosaurs imagined red frill and teeth sharking the New Year, whipping its tail like a rotor flagella -- east has circed --- time: date -- revolving solar sabers -- and night again a small copita stark dark and red dusk continually lit by ciben beeps -- witness burgeons and copies. Christina cries badly for want of children. [ I im magadalene black serpent (carriage black oh prompt black arn windowless room voyeur for Worship this Sex is worship glinted by stone translucent curtain -- orgasm is being prayer -- heading gyroscope Merced and if I refuse? I refuse, I refuse! and mayhaps it’s cowardice Self) black snake care white into the Desert: this is my penrose circle conformed to dust (marshal asteroid Marshall Allen) like tiny guitar explosions -- mer her hand [ire flesh and bandit] into a tide pool urgent as a starfish -- translucent is a white hare unpainted fingernails -- You -- You God? ask the Not-Son-David -- but Man -- Son-Man-Dirt-Man -- more that -- a hundred shepherd crook-pierce (bohlen pierce): Son the God Daughter the God I go to school. I go home. The cats are there. I like kittens. Their fur feels soft. I like bunnies too. Bunnies have soft fur. I have two sisters. I have one brother. My brother is getting married in April to Morgan. Ayden, I say, you’re becoming so smart! You’ll be smarter than me someday. Levi is learning his colours and buildblock towers Blue! I say. Bloo! he copies. Yellow! I say. Yay-O! he says. Then he knocks down all the blocks. It’s hard to sleep sometimes at night. I have bad dreams. There’s a lot of blood. I wake up and the wolf dogs leave. I go downstars and pet the kittens. Mom doesn’t let me have bunnies. Isn’t it unfair? I say to Sister. William S Burrough dreams. Dad is mad at me and Sister runs away. I’ll be back when you’re nicer to Sister! she writes. I’m Grandpa’s favorite, but it’s a secret. It’s not nice to have favorites unless I’m the favorite. I go shooting with Dad. It’s fun. I’m his favorite too. Hey little girl do you need a ride Christine Christine Christine drive up to a Dead Man’s Hill From Pair: garrison’s dice carpenter) Judea Mechanic What good is a Nazarene What good adornment a 4-10-0 mastodon slight West go west young man is sea to Galilee in the nets and fishing to catch [then Brianna came and Sister took care of her and I am alone in a middle Frank Zappa game show music dialogues twelve dance floor (until I was six (until I was six Scripture -- early Father early Mother -- is Translation -- from one book Divination -- and dialogue is a translation among the homomorphisms. Category meaning Piano or piano: Translation or translation -- it bounces (the bouncing ball the pair sunlight beam cards and rule sticks) and echoes through the Ensemble(this is no conductor this is no scratch. I assimilate a mirror. I assimilate a window. What remains fixed is (position) text appearing to move appearing to convert -- but meaning? Meaning is closed in the Book and Question -- to question remains and cadavers -- becomes (an unfixed) translation -- but want -- to want the original! How much more -- God, make me a God! Narrator, Make me a Narrator! Make me young again! I must go to the desert and cast a circle. Spirit drives desert. It returns because return is natural -- the Desert is a circle. One Woman Different Faces One Desert Different Destinations Destination is the Application (of the Spirit) turn Journey. One Desert One Magdalene [Sister tells me how to dress how to braid nice hair She is very helpful I do not know distance Function that tangent vector (arc length scalar) gradient smooth surface -- Smooth is manufactured: a consparse barrel weaving grain cross product cylinder / only makeless -- miracle and merry, a Hebrew shadow tautological om precise one pincher, a belly pot and fritter (about fritter wail pan y daggers -- solvent eye, aye -- January in her blackening and fragile fingers -- long and white, a gladding white reduced to bombardment and minor skirmishes / Ben what’s your favorite Disney movie? Beauty and the Beast. That’s great! gloss Christina purchased gloss fine disney for a year older a ben year older, in a DANCE a waltz to waltz to waltz is die to waltz to waltz is live drift and betrayed drought and be doubt to waltz is a die to waltz is a life many is broken after the ball, the lost waltz the last waltz the band plays releasing charging to three-four and I pondered and wept like a child, a glove is a mender’s basket (sew and decollage -- contact exact another contacdt to Rouge Poster auctioning Warhol thousands silkscreen leather -- detache! vertical India converge cauchy Ferris [Chicago Knew, converging by improvisation por string) Differential -- Void -- an Empty-- then the iron, clay, brass, silver, gold broken together (waltzing three-three death or two-ten fractured) like communion bread dipped bowl common red -- a chaff of summer threshing floors -- the appearance of them is as the appearance of horses and as horse men, so shall the run And the Desert wild became a Garden mild A Desert rejoice and bloom a Rose Mythology is piercing sacred: I listen Wilderness (ocean koi Japanese fighting (fleeting/fearing/dogfight/island hopping) Magdalene is a Desert Circle -- this is the temptation -- and I resolve Wilderness, not knowing contents Desert Compass and I lost in a heat of bedside and stomach, psalmed and lyred a cool lament, a Though-Art-Indeed-Just -- not I being context, gear upon Flesh (gears organic rotating the sticky connective grind grind) in unknowledgeable (knowledge empowering scripture polyphoria bloom) humble my unusually self in an act reverse syntax -- Wilderness Where? How such a desert and Circle? and Return [to naturally return[ a God’s voice [neutral A.I. voice /satellite -- recember -- Name Desert - This is your Name embody surroundings as a mantra formula Light Superformula pear Eve (one Magdalene) -- Name dern’t neve call your name but New to BRAHMIN Kind self (event Self to a New God my son to Sun bear stars in Native Heaven -- Firmament -- filament -- smooth bore musket -- to name which Fires -- surrounding School: Work: Outside (and the boy went outside) -- inside they body is Garden: Desert Bloom -- Father Kingdom -- My son of Man -- Jerusalem in Albion’s Hand Selah Bring Bow fire and Ash Selah Regard Spoke and Rod Selah Israel is the Body and Self; I marked mine a Kingdom into to be pure as a column of smokeless fire -- in fire is my voice -- Ember Kindred -- illuminate Son of Man -- as Self is Israel Monarch David and Song of Songs for the Bride I love, for the Bride John of the Cross prisoned and hymned and to burn this hand -- this eye -- that is blaspheming -- but if it is to sin -- then the Water -- to Bury side with Bride -- and the Body makes whole again. Song of Songs the Prince and the Bride; or Song of Songs the Body and Mind (which is Soul, for the Mind is Soul) -- they are two lovers -- and only in action is unified -- action Marriage -- action searching into the Night (as Jerusalem burns) for the Other -- together, (as Body not separate from Soul nor Soul Separate from Body) into the Valley where castings Dark and Impedimenta to approach and arrive Mountain Guarding. Into the Desert, Israel tempted though Water purified, and Years become Experience. Jesus Is Ideal Israel, a Leviathan (pure Levi, coming into a child most unassuming townstay and perhaps a child representative -- most simple, astonished by life itself and mimic-supersede acting sound -- I watch you grow, baby Jesus baby Levi and mine is the saviour, a glory glory -- at twelve [twelve tribes of Israel, twelve apostles, twelve stars] this is the temple -- and he realizes his Body unto the temple is a Temple and Levi becomes the Leviathan and Behemoth -- cracking cedars; gushing oil); 40 days to 40 years; this Dove John descending to silent prayer through Yam Suf -- the dying necessary for Both to the body -- dying both as a generation (a remnant) and to the Crucified One -- Hawking Body and Soul (Breathing One timing each breath typing each breath) -- and I become Israel and my body becomes a Name and Mystical Experience, and in Water I was an October, and Voice calls me to a Takemitsu Call Voice Selah Speech Word Selah Architect -- instrument -- quill -- know Selah And Thy Kinder I say to you My Magdalene Body and One Woman’s Face Do not tempt as Ant Lions do but be as Trio for Strings - both serpentine and quick after Lomb unto Serial Sound voices my God to this Ember Fate Fire Aspen Fate choosing intertwine (mixing blended wine -- wine is a fate and those who never drink know Night but I know Drink Offerings, this fermented drink, this strong wine poured over first offerings of grains first fruit’s a tenth grain and the corn becomes a blessing and an angelic mating ground -- do not fear fate is you know fate, but choose fate as fate is often chosen to intertwine as running railways and switch patterns -- blending our wine) -- Stands two or three not broken as humanly sings and trayers but Foster -- Our Otonality-Utonality -- Dual Self as a one becoming God -- not one as me and not awaying me but knowing, unto the Bloom of the full Rose and Sunflower. The Name of the Body is not the Name of Being. The Body belongs to Sacrifice. Body purifies as a censor and candlestick, preparing incense and sacred fire. My Body becomes a preparing place, not as a tomb or residence, but as a Carrington or automobile. Towards an inclusive Book. Book is Process -- Process the Act [doing -- performance busking performance For the Streets avenues and subways Book Charter] -- to witness Process Phonetic become Finite (I coax you Catastrophe King corrupt automated like a chaconne or a Chacon / Book to Passion Book at Passion reserved Passion preserved Passion erupts as Passion! to Book as patterns in a chromatic field -- inflections in a chromatic field hominizing Elias harmonizing sevenths like a barbershop quartet -- I remark to a text: Reaffirmation. Imaginary time perpendicular Real time. Conjugate. For four electric guitars. Process revels Book Ravel for a one-hand Concerto or for black keys. Quiet (most astounding is the quiet were the weight lifting of ants can be heard). Slow soft durations Free for a performer. Book Erasure -- to try to Erase becomes (Frame to White itself) like an erased De Kooning. To erase is to create the Book again. Prepare the Self Powerful. Prepare the Piano. Prepare the Self illumined God. For improvised prepared piano. Process expresses eights. Close and Open Open and Near. Brook and give / open binary. Barred Cadence -- Added Sixth Cadence. Do not add or subtract but equivalencies (well-ordered theorem equivalency Zorn’s lemma equivalency Axiom of Choice). Idempotent. Process cinema belonging Book -- Book as non-writing but listens pages -- Book proposes lines or lenses -- windows a Writer (to assimilate is to Write again). Norm narrator nor narrator to which Book -- document belongs. Document the Rosetta particles and pilum to break in the scales and lodge as a long-term resident, un langonstrom or Longinus Spear point -- sealing patina -- german manacled -- Process. To watch the Process as a process to become the End and Mean itself. Meaning means and averages the Process (I want to watch the Process become itself, feed backing as a pendulum). Document inclusion (proper subset) Book. Kind to a parable dreamon (Lift mirrors tracing memory -- mimes memory and experience -- an innermost document -- a genealogy) -- I dream this mimetic of you, Christina, up to stair steps in the Amber Room Music Box of a balcony, so finely chambered as if this is the apotheosis of the Unnamable Architect-Measure] and upon the platforms (iridescent nautilus platforms) are the Guardians of Threshold in Victorian garb -- bouncers into the entrance of double doors and many a follower -- seemingly mindful of their mindless -- in fine clothes and black dress going to a Funeral and perhaps a Wedding to a Casket. I am not permitted entry but located among the many adjacencies. Ritual begins with out me. I have knowledge of me. A blackened swarm with literal thunders bombs in circles around the inner room but not one is alarmed except me, but I am then permitted entry. I sit between Christina to my right (in almost clever translucent lavender dressings) and to my left, a young boy in a black suit -- perhaps he is our child or a younger version of myself. There are four tiers, miniature and seating perhaps five people on either side, when a row of steps down the middle. We sit in the first. A European Shaman appears and makes complex gestures. We mimic his gestures -- this is a Ritual. We hold hands and cross over many. The gestures are series -- each longer then the former until I no longer remember the movement but only my body performs it. I say something to Christina in a language I do not understand. She replies in sounds I dare not repeat. I wake from the dream, still feeling the mime in my body, my hand that was Christina’s, and her imaginary answers -- this must be a Universe, the repetition of lonely celestial souls in trace. Soon a new book will be opened tōweardes me -- an aleph -- an argentinian coin -- diagonal reason -- a book to Book a passage to Passage -- I am a guardian to Document and Historical. I am guardian Two Kindred. Repetition / reflexive: Book converses Book and interprets Book [language satisfies Language -- no Language outside can satisfy]. The Writer (written) converses Itself. Narrator becomes Death-Becoming -- Survives text -- Text is the result as a resulting statement - taking sentence -- sentence parsing Word. Book converts Book and Writ Itself -- oeuvre drinks bookings (document proper subset garden) -- I (this I, not separate but includes I) plagiarize with allover pearson -- portal - Language -- work plagiarizes work (passage stealing passage, hidden as an Essene scroll
Vision and Mysticism 