Process Pulses Process Aporia

I fear failure and I fear stagnation     Failure seizes     I fear failure failure to even fail no transformation     Failure seizes     I fail writing     I fail writing captures spiders     Speed spiders seized     I fear failure but I fear stagnation     How do I make sense of this conflict?  I fear every thing even then odd numbers     Even then odd numbers tunnels tunings double-slit experiment     I think double-slit experience sonic titan and holy spirit gauntlets my brain sludge particle wave particle wave wolfen   I feel top heavy

I feel top-heavy failure     Top-heavy hydrangea as hydra topology     Top-heavy heterotopias / color field painting failures     I set fire to the face on fire

I fear failure     I fear failure then I fail to write     I fail to prophesy and reveal

Relatively slow music that includes rapid gruppetti: a simultaneity of tempos (tempo tectonic truss towers) (tower tessellations tower tickles salt fuck)

I repeat I fear failure because I try the new and harbor arbor NEW THING free jazz / net jet grind radio radical anarchy and I hesitate at the cliff face various vertexes     I hesitate to fool but I fool and will fool   Fool radical no radius but her rooms / bridal chambers     Bridal chambers crag crab canon crevasse

(I obsess over concept   category   label   terminology   continuity-discontinuity     WRITE and PROPHESY no category no label no limit my accented aporia) (Work write prophet waters     Work write prophet waters her axe head hydra)

Failure seizes me: I fail to reveal and prophesy

(When I was a boy I saw things that no one else could see     So why am I so blind, at twenty-two, to the hope that is all around me, filling this room?)

Failure seizes me: I cease revelation and delay the new open and open new anarchic because I fear failing the new in the new     I want to write beautiful poetry but comfortably and without any risk (One must risk towards stations of the cross / the possibility of crucifixion without resurrection)

(When I was a boy, I could hear symphonies in seashells so why am I so deaf at twenty-two to the sound of the driving snow that drives me home to you?)

I jump to faith    I jump absurd absurd fool     Fool no floor but field fields field / I write her fires


I’m developing a new writing system or approach, I say.  Oh yeah? says Asia.  What’s the new system?   Notebooks giving birth to notebooks.  Proliferation of notebooks.  You know how Nabokov composed novels with index cards?  What if each index card has a notebook?  The notebooks talk to each other, cannibalize each other, copy, edit, regurgitate, change, transform material.  I used to say the book is not unified by plot, but by theme.  What if the Book is not by theme but PROCESS.  Its multiple origins.

(I share with Asia a text describing John Zorn’s method of file-card composition):

Zorn followed with another major-label release Spillane in 1987 featuring compositions performed by Albert Collins, the Kronos Quartet, along with the title track, an early “file-card” composition.  This method of combining composition and improvisation involved Zorn writing descriptions or ideas on file-cards and arranging them to form a piece.  Zorn described the process in 2003:  I write in moments, in disparate sound blocks, so I find it convenient to store these events in filing cards so they can be sorted and ordered with minimum effort.  Pacing is essential.  If you move too fast, people to tend stop hearing the individual moments as complete in themselves and wore as elements of sort of cloud effect… I worked 10 to 12 hours a day for a week, just creating those file cards.  It was an intense process.

I feel to a certain extent I have been obsessed with continuity and unity, I say.  I know you’ve criticized me for this.  But what if we just think of a different kind of unity.  Into the discontinuous radically anarchic texts.  What would are anarchic, hierarchical, open book look like?  What would it actually look like? says Asia.  Texts in dialogue with texts I suspect.  Oh OK, then yeah, go for it, says Asia.  Like the content of the notebooks constantly being sifted and refined, she says.  Yeah!  Exactly.  Repeated, retracted, recontextualized, stuff added, I say.


I want my writing to do something I’m not sure I can make it do     I need this rhizomic galaxian thing going, where abyss meets abyss swirling myth, but I have a hard time keeping it together (Oceanus or Apeiron, who do you like more?  I’m an ocean person myself – give me the quintessence not of the aether but of abyss)

Deep unto deep calls out at the sound of your channels all your breakers and waves have surged over me / the impetuous stream which has hewn out its channel in the black basalt   Wild medley of cascades and dashing torrents    You cast me into the deep, into the heart of the sea, and the flood enveloped me; all your breakers and your billows passed over me     Book billows breakers catherine wheel whirlwinds     Book brash bronze and brash breaks gore go-go girls     No Book     No book but breath burr bereshit    She shudders other disaster     She shutters other disaster sea     She shutters sea sorel sea to repel ghosts

Ghost coral raspberry wine
Ghost glass coral strawberry wine
     Her vineyard voltage

Do you think the idea of a god is harmful?  I ask Asia.  The idea on its own?  No, not exactly.  I see.  I was talking to my deacon today, I say.  About who I don’t feel faith.  I don’t feel the presence of a persona god.  But rather I have been refocusing on action and ritual.  Being part and participating in the community.  In the Eucharist and liturgy.  The people in the church are god, says Asia.  Yes, you are right.  And the people outside the church too.  You and me.  But we can’t have a friendship where we are Yahweh, one who creates good and evil, peace and calamity.  We have to have the humanness of Christ, the inclusiveness of Christ where there is no slave or free, no male or female, no Jew nor Greek…

Ghost glow glass gloves my hands dip raspberry wine
Ghost ghosts     Ghost ghosts coral collect / coagulated book of common prayer     I pray the wyrd which psalms and her vineyard overdraws voltages vowels voltages vowel     I vowel ghosts

Do you think it matters if someone is a Christian or not a Christian?  No, I don't think it matters, says Asia.  How does the prophecy outside the confines of organized religion you think?  You’ve told me that I prophesy to you and I haven’t been to church in years, says Asia.  Yes, I think that’s true.  I’m asking more like, how does one intend to prophesy?  Take on the role of prophet and speak prophetic truth outside organized religion?  Your job is to speak truth and comfort to those who have been marginalized by the church, says Asia.  Is truth known?  Or is it discovered in the process?  Probably discovered in the process, says Asia Rain.

Gentrified ghosts     Gentrified ghosts and gerrymandered ghosts     Ghost high school gym teacher / dead man’s float

Ghost god glue     Ghost god glass glue granite glints / my flesh flowers frost giants     My Book blooms bifrost god gorge engorged earth intestines, a medical diagram ground into sausages     God garage and god acid grindcore

You know, Christianity is going to haunt us forever, I say.  God too.  Yeah, it’s like that sometimes.  Do you ever feel haunted by god or Christianity?  I know you never really felt god but I wonder if you feel that religions residue.  Yeah I would say so.  It’s hard to say exactly.  I’m sure some of it is positive.  I just don’t know what.  I notice you still resonate with a lot of Christina and Christian-adjacent music.  That is true – I wonder why, says Asia.  The church made beautiful music with strong melodies, I say.  Easy to sing along to.  Christianity lead you to be friends with me, and the nonviolence discord.  True – those are all good things, says Asia.

As a powerful anticholingeric agent BZ produced a syndrome of effects.  Known as the anticholingeric toxidrome: these include both psychological and physiological effects, with the most incapacitating effect being a state of delirium characterized by cognitive dysfunction, hallucinations, and ability to perform basic tasks.

Anti archimede ANTI     Anti archimede positron circuit alchemy     Anti archimede against agon up against a wall motherfucker     I float aerosol abacus     I float abacus aerosol soliton wave solutions     Anti anti arche an armies / amy arche any not authorship but assemblage     Not authorship but assemblage: book assemblage without attribution    The assemblage in connection with other assemblages assemblages bodies without organs organs a machinic motorcycles faces status effects stratas sonatas    I hallucinate new sonatas

I sonata new hallucinations    I sonata new hallucinations phantom phantasia fire fur coat     I sonata new hammerklavier hallucinations, a disintegration of sonata-allegro form / an extremely fast music in which all qualities of harmony and contrapuntal relation hammer hammered towards uniform pulsation

I hallucinate sonata sonar armies / Lord of Armies and Yahweh Sabaoth    Hallucination aggregates aftermarket zippo lighters burning zebras     Hallucination aggregates assets animals / I adjust the animal anarchy    I adjust anarchic animal towards an anarchic argentium silver

Hallucination aggregates agglutinations gut goblin aggregates macular degeneration     Macular degeneration disintegration au gratin     Hallucination hash browns double helix
.
Helix endless Halloween timelines
Helix helicopter Halloween helios timelines
Timeline teeter-totter talking heads

Hallucination now the sound of the Schoenberg Wind Quintet points to new directions     New Direction by Miles Davis branch davidian dissection

Acetylcholine absurd chorea    Acetylcholine abstract absurd cameras chorea card counting     Card counting cuttlefish bone black iron prison     Black iron prison pillar one     Bone pillar black iron prison parkour

Ester self-insert benjamin benzene / write circles and write cycles     Ester exits ordinary unordinary unordered ouroboros     Ouroboros unordered without underwear

Ester entrance enteral feeding feeders antennae     Abyssinian banana   Abyssinian cat   Abyssinian primrose   Abyssal plain

Abyssal plain abyssal zone zoonosis     Abyssal plain polar coordinate acetylcholine / benedictine abby abyss (I sometimes miss my close connection to Christianity monasticism and sometimes I consider rekindling my ambition and motivations to oblation for the Monastery of the Risen Christ     Christianity ventures far from me and the Son of Man has no place to lay his head) (I arrive at a rhizomic Christianity / a Christianity X Christianity Christianities my heresies harlot black holes people of the Books)

(Lateral ladder liturgy of the hours)
(Ladino hymns ladder light to the our messiah Sabbatai Sevi)
(Locusts swarm lateral psalms plague prayers / babies dashed against rocks)