I don’t reach but repeat     Don’t reach but rhizome real desert real beach     Beach bums and beach birds / field dance

Now I begin immediate IMPOSSIBLE and not an impossible but the impossible     Not an impossible but aporia pour black blast black paint pigment stained canvas     Broken stained glass stained canvas     Stained canvas string theory thumb piano     Point against point aporia pianissimo     Piano play tension terror horror / a white hot night of hate: ASSAULT ON PRECINCT 13 the gang that share a bloody oath to destroy Precinct 13… and every cop in it

I revisit the poetry of Gerard Manley Hopkins the thin gleanings of a long weary while     As Paul Griffiths describes the rediscovery of Charles Ives’ use of quotation and collage as an affirmation rather than an influence to composers like Luciano Berio and Bernd Alois Zimmermann, so Gerard Manley Hopkins affirms my use of alliteration and assonance and intuitive (sprung) rhythm rather than influences it – but now I choose Hopkins as an influence     I reject his struggles with his creativity and god but I accept his poetry as my own     I make and feel the fell of dark, not day – but unlike Hopkins I dwell in dark as desert dance     I wake awry wake feel fell of dark     I wake awry wake cell fall dark then dark deer     I make draw dark down down dark dust: dust desert     This day desert dual desert days fall dark     Early dark not dark yet but it’s getting there     Dark then distance

Not just the impossible but the aporia, the knot of gnosis Krystal cave paintings

Jesus why do you do this? says Asia.  You asked me what I thought about the past you even though you knew it would probably set you off and it’s all you can focus on now.  We already talked about making it work and how to make time for it and adjust as we need to but for the love of god stop beating yourself up and doing things you know will cause you to spiral and definitely for the love of god stop asking me if I want to end or would be better off without the friendship, she says.

From a month of two months ago in conversation with Asia.  I often forget the time frame and time scale of our conversations and my depressive episodes     I feel my episodes occur frequently and with devastating severity and thus I can only process so much in writing     I write these events for two primary reasons a reminder that Asia prove time and time again (without time rubato rain) she cares for me unconditionally and she loves me unconditionally and I have a permanent friend in her: but also, I transform and change and this documents my change for what I hope is more stability and less volatility, more trusting and trustworthy, a better friend     I also note past benjamin saves a lot of conversations in his notes and I hate letting his efforts go to waste     Go forth benjamin: love and transform

I frequently steal from the following texts:     I use many of Jerome Rothenberg’s poetry anthologies     The works of Gilles Deleuze and Felix Guattari, Jacques Derrida and George Bataille, the music books Modern Music and After, 3rd edition, by Paul Griffiths and Experimental Music Since 1970 by Jennie Gottchalk, and many poems by Jackson Mac Low, Edmond Jabès, the LANGUAGE Poets, and Paul Celan…

Cross chrisms prism rainbow baptism / bear boar flood flintlock ley lines     The word BAPTISM: the language BAPTISM     Word baptism bath abyss word blue word beach baptism

My preoccupation and exploration of word and language: language liquid egg eye on my tongue my tongue sound repetition     Tongue eye licks eye she lights the lights (I decide to revisit the poem Menorah, from A Big Jewish Book, the poem that starts “She lights the lights” and I transform it through the texts of Jackson Mac Low’s Light Poems)

She lights the lights beach birds   beach bind baptisms     She lights the lights the light of the student-lamp: sapphire lamp     Sapphire lamp sapphire light light doubled     Light doubled light light repeats     Light doubles desert light: dark light light night repeats desert     Desert birds desert beach

Beach lights and bird lights eye blink bay     Lights old bay seafood seasoning salt water sea circular stones     I stir stone screeched scrawl stone scripture

She lights the lights the lights of a student-light     Light of lights sapphire light     Light between light shimmer sea shimmer salt: salt stone shimmer     Shimmer stone salt     Light lights light sea sheer lights     I seer light real ritual and raw ritual / promise religion without religion     Prayer promise ritual without religion (I realize I prophesy water and stone)     I prophesy water and stone and I prophesy water stone stone and water     Stone gospel and water gospel the gathering girls of my life     Whirlwind women     I prophesy water and stone whirlwind women     She lights the lights true lights and real lights     She lights lights rock lights stone lights the light of the student-lamp sapphire light glitter shimmer bare male shoulders     Light water light fire stone stone     Light water light earth stone stone sting     Stone sting string swamp symphonies (Blood-kin Code Versus Bloody Money SWAMP SANCTUARY)

I search stone     I search stone spotlight stoplight     Light strophic strobe light     Light learner’s permit permeable ladder     I search stone language and light language     Stone language tent stone tabernacle     Tabernacle tower stone: stone steer stone stir spine stalactites     Stone stalagmites bare breasts    Not pornographic breasts but stone breasts     Song of song breasts rise as towers / the ivory tower of david     Breasts lights litany of loreto     Pornographic stone lights light library stone labyrinth (NYMPHO LIBRARIAN the prim miss took off more than her mask of responsibility behind the stacks… with any man who asked…)     Stone plays porno phallic towers cunt crosses

Student-lamp sapphire light she lights the lights     Shimmer sapphire light     Simmer light smoking-lamp the bridegroom moves to her     Bridegroom moves stone body stone face stripped stone     Stripped stone stone spiral     I spiral stone book of sand sand seer lights     I see light seer an obvious spiral eye     Spiral eye blurred stone: spilling stone     Sobbing stone ejaculating stone wavy meaning unmetered eye     Eye galaxy spiral spiral galaxy ejaculates stone gravity     Stone sheol gravity wave grave / I extend the eye     I extend eye same sound but what sound

Sound light stone light     Stone light sound light     Sound stone light tights leap light from the magellanic clouds     Eye stone cloud laboratory light corridor     Book corridor eye maze moment form flesh desiring-machine

Machine light student lamp     machine sapphire light     Machine shimmer shimmer stone

The bridegroom moves to her virile axe-wielding fur-bearing cranium-smashing barbarian

Carl Stalling invented cartoon scoring, which included a “tick” system, where by individual members of the orchestra were provided with headphones, through which they heard a steady beat, and on one occasion the voice of Mickey, and which allowed them to synchronize the music more precisely to the action

Write cartoon case of the headless corpse

Cartoon cross chrism prism rainbow baptism     Cartoon King James and King Felix: and I looked, and behold, and a whirlwind came out of the north, a great cloud, and a fire infolding itself…

Cartoon chariot wheel     Cartoon magellanic cloud cloud bowel chambers bridal chamber     Cloud cloud she lights the lights cloud cloud     Cloud cloud eye liquid she lights the lights     She lights my eye bull liquid and sun liquid / liquid light stone soft luminosity and urinary liquefaction     My body clouds and clouds: my body stones and clouds an incomplete cartoon keystone     Aleatoric cartoon cloud light experiments

Cartoon score     Cloud cartoon scoring     Scores as such occurring as INCIDENT     Immediate incident unavailable yet Yahweh aleatoric     Unavailable cross-rhythm rotas music     Sator musics     Music square languages tongue purr permutations     Repeatable experiments: repeatable languages

Cartoon scoring languages lights languages     Aporia poetry and aporia prophecy: porous stone prophecy / sponge gospel     Aporia poetry palindrome desert paradox more porous written     Written open porous sponge open / gospel horn soli then shout choruses     Shout shout let it all out: these are the things we can do without

I improvise slowed down     A gradual movement from vision to voice: from seer to speaker (The Voice of Indignation = The Voice of God) (equal arrow endless desert direction)

I improvise slowed down my body tonal tunnel     My body tunnels tonal then stout atonal, cartoon exotic earth     Cartoon kaleidoscope and crystal     Cartoon kenosis khora more khora     I improvise khora the cups of my fingers the cross fingers melted fire liquid low liquid fires

Tick system towers clouds clocks and clouds

Tick tower finger toe systems systematic theology cartoons     Eye rotates interior towers tower stone tonal bodies

Pulp khora aporia     Pulp porous pulp khora aporia (INVITATION TO VIOLENCE the beautiful blonde could make him a millionaire… or a corpse)

A blonde book     A bloodier book bound with my bone     Bone folder fire     Bone folder fire earth fingers skull flap aether

Do you think anyone cares about me at all?  Yeah, says Asia.  Your friends and family.  You were literally just telling me about how one of your friends thinks that your writing will change the world.  I am not my writing though.  I knew you were going to say that.  Every other god damn time I’ve said something along the lines “you should put more of yourself in the writing”, you say something like “me and the book are inseparable” but now they are suddenly different.  Plus it’s not like she met the writing first.  I’m sorry.  Why are you apologizing?  I made you argue with me.  I’m not mad.  It was just a dumb argument.  These thought patterns of “nobody cares about me” isn’t a logical argument and you in facts have mounds of evidence against it you have a to ignore or manipulate in order to justify the belief that no one cares about you.  It’s easier to say that to say I don’t care about me.   That’s fair, but just because it’s easy to say doesn't make it true.  OK – I don’t think people should care about me because I don’t care about me.  Too bad, people care about you because they see something worth caring about.  Is that why you care?  Yes.  What do you see in me worth caring about?  I feel like we have had this conversation before.  If I said it all again, would it matter?  Would you believe me?  If it will I’ll do it… You have interesting insights on things especially when it comes to creativity, spirituality, and religion.  You bring something fresh and unique to the table with your ideas and the way you think about things.  You are always pushing the boundaries of ideas and concepts.  You are pushing yourself (for better or worse) to be better and you have this open curiosity about other people and have a tendency to delight in others even when you don’t delight in yourself…

I prophesy wounded healer (writer artist prophet nurse healer) and even Yahweh gone, I feel the dark vibrations vibrated haunted vision of Jeremiah: something in my heart like a burning fire shut up in my bones and I weary holding it in and I cannot     Dark lilith she lights the lights liminal visions of menakhem     Wendel of Kotsk: when a man has a reason to scream and cannot though he wants to – he has achieved the greatest scream

I scream prayer palimpsest and prayer porous pulp fiction aporia

How necessary to write my boredom, my mundane, my ordinary, my cringe!

Necessary to risk ugly experiment     Risk acros scraped my knee play subjectivity     Write all and everything including failed experiments / jump rope songs mermaid lion’s roars     Hyena sirens

Invent cartoon scoring     Toon stone unleveled lights     Invented lights stone toon tonic tincture spell spike     Spell spike cross cartoon score scores as such occurring as incident     Accident incident push IMMEDIATE     Push body immediate my body word stone push push process cell cartoon scores

Always an eye     Looped light her lights

Always an eye spilling eye sewage     An eye sobbing semen     An eye urinating sinew and sometimes split bone     My thigh bone split bone     My thigh bone splits into compound insect eye: beetle eye virtua troopers and big bad beetleborgs     My eyes ejaculate wavy word and wavy wand body     Wavy horror open hell body and I take stone skull: I use my skull as a shovel     I use my skull as a shovel then a pike pitched crack finger fracture skull languages     Cartoon score skull languages tick lyme disease towers     Lyme disease lights bull eye pink light

An antinomian eye and an anarchic eye     Eye ear my body boils entropy an intrinsic eye     
Eye intrinsic circular spiral intimate: intimate initiate immediate bone     I transgress bone antinomian anvil anti anarchic eye     Eye inside body horror / all religions all laws all books of old your face backwards explaining words long gone extinct

Antinomian sound and aquarian sound same song but what sound     Same sound but what sound stone     Stone sand sandstone showgirl geographies     Stripper geologies

Invent cartoon starling spiral forces syntagma     Syntagma stigmata stenosis     Narrowing stone narrow stone     No structure but the stone stretch structure / cartoon time vocalise for the beginning of time     She lights the lights the bridegroom moves to her     Light from the magellanic clouds clutter chatter my body hammer chisel     Light from she lights the lights magellanic cloud cheetahs     Cheetahs chase antler light antelope light light surface my eye slime savannah     My eye sleep savannah siren / stellar sea cow bone     Bridegroom bone bone peeks out bone peak machine mesa     Mesa miles davis sextet milestones     Modal mesa pedal point aporia: porous bone peaks lights student-lamp lamprey linseed light sunburn bridegroom

She lights the light cartoon shimmer     Cartoon shimmer I conduct Gustav Mahler’s Symphony No. 6 and I sue my body as MALLET and HAMMER     My body HAMMER HUMMINGBIRD

Bird bay beach ben bleed light     ben bleed light bone birds

Bird beach bone light of a nerast lamp     Bird beach ben bone light of a naphtha lamp     Bird ben eye machine light from meteorites     Meteor she lights the lights

She lights the lights tight-rope walker     Bridegroom moves to her meteorite     Meteor meteorite light desiring-machine mangler theater     Torso theater of the cross     Torso titanium white wet theater of the cross

Cross prism plays passion porous intensities of light     Cross plays prism light punctuation punctum smallpox punctum pavanne cities of the plain

Cross chrisms prism rainbow baptism / bear boar flood flintlock ley lines     I line my skull with light     I line my skull with linear light then nonlinear light / you’re a prisoner inside my skull     Lines not-lines my skull light rays lesser mass     Mass assemblage: mass bricoleur lights lights liturgy     Liturgy liturgies performances aporias     Skull language light melange     Lizard light lips the cross liquid glass     Glass hazard happening crosshatched shadows fishers of men     Shadow puppet costumes aporia gloom play pliable pickpocket     Play in pocket pickpocket aporia     Aporia apostrophe parentheses eclipse ellipsis

She lights the lights cross chrisms prism rainbow baptism / bear boar flood flintlock key lime key lines     She lights the lights flood flatline looney tunes deterrent desert     Looney tunes desert disco     Loony tunes several trepanned skulls in desert     Tune tar skull (Skull of a 14 year-old girl believed to be a victim of cannibalism at the Jamestown colony in the winter of 1609.  Butchery marks can bee on the forehead)