I imitate earth in chariot vision I imitate earth irregular intensities and flow eros menses Menses merkabah descent discrete descent experiments Earth erupts abrupt gold / golden horde dragon zerg rush
I experience experiment earth I experiment earth uncertain immanence / immediate inside body Body inside ben without organs / bodies organic chemistries Organic chemistry chema origami Chema chasm origami orgasm
I experiment different mysticism difference mysticism I repeat merkabah machine bodies / development of a bottle in space development of body in spaces spheres) I experience chariot cut interior cross and Christina Chariot repeats intersections and intensities immense earth creatures
And I looked and behold, a whirlwind came from the north, a great cloud and a fire enfolding itself, and a brightness was about it, and out of the midst thereof, the color of amber, out of fire…
I repeat Chariot Vision I repeat Chariot Vision razed ruins rhizome I chew chariot cave mouth: her mouth with wheels Mouth wheels moth light lunar eclipse / my body shared cave shadows I repeat chariot vision char hard hue bodies / body wheel west ash left-hand hop fire Chariot vision repeats viral schools rhizome human hooks Her hooks grab ben guts gradual gods graduated cylinder ben bosom viral schools rhizome retrograde virus / bodies consume early RNA World / rare abiogensis Bodies repeat soft cylinder soft sofa chariot wheels shorter skin Soft chariot folds futon human flesh and wheels whirlwind wild from the mouth human cries (A voice heard in Ramah, lamentation, bitter weeping / Rintrah roars and shakes fires in burdened air)
Soft chariot chums cave mouth the voice of one crying out in the wilderness
Soft chariot wildflowers Soft chariot cold compress sunflowers Chariot cotton cobweb wildflower word / hinged weird sunflowers Word wheels whip and the body wilderness (Brand new! Superior stereo wide screen 3D so real that horrifying monsters jump off the screen and almost touch you! FRANKENSTEIN’S BLOODY TERROR)
Word whirlwinds from north whip and the body wilderness Word weirds any coherent sense of vision / image complete metamorphoses imago Word vandalizes coherent vision and corrupts seer hiccup / Kafka cockroaches (castle cicadas dung beetle estuaries)
Word weird any sense of coherent vision / ben vandal vision Ben barbarian vandals visions / heard it through the grapevine horned gods
Horned gods interrupt my desert dreaming and I suddenly feel the need for more and more texts all around me: I feel necessary more strange gods and foreign gods to penetrate me desert dalliances I do not worship any god but I kiss and carefully listen to their myths I transcribe myth and I translate myth nude now transformations I bricoleur myths into a byzantine Book: a baroque labyrinth
Soft chariot improvise cool jazz chill cataclysm Soft chariot jams subtle electric tingling apocalypse Subtle primordial soup sawcut bone apocalypse: tingle revelation paranoia revelation conspiracy revelation (when the screen screams, you’ll scream too… if you value your life! THE TINGLER)
My flesh flutters luna moth chariot wings
I copy Morton Feldman copies I copy Pierre Menard copies Don Quixote
(He did not want to compose another Quixote – which is easy – but the Quixote itself. Needless to say, he never contemplated a mechanical transcription of the original; he did not propose to copy it. His admirable intention was to produce a few pages which would coincide – word for word and line for line – with those of Miguel De Cervantes…)
I copy Morton Feldman copies I copy Pierre Menard doesn’t copy Don Quixote but (re)creates it for the first time and originary time
I copy then I recreate and then create the text for the first time (we shall not cease from exploration and at the end of all our exploring will be to arrive where we started and know the place for the first time)
I copy always incomplete / incomplete metamorphosis I want to be a machine Andy Warhol says I want to be a machine (No title (Marilyn Monroe), 1967. Portfolio of ten screen prints on paper, each 91 X 91) My flesh as factory screenprints book plastic / holy spirit pus I trace images and outline projections to create eerie copies of advertisements and photographs Ben bodies rhizome repetition and reproduction I manufacture myth / mothra silkscreens and reproductions
I ink paper rudimentary faint prints of my own drawings / ghostly images of young men and fashion models
I copy Asia Rhizome conversations not as a mechanical transcription of the original but to produce it as a spontaneous independent invention, word by word and line by line
I guess you didn’t like the art of Kathleen Gilje? I say. I was honestly amazed and looked up a bunch of her work and read it. No, I thought it was cool, says Asia. I like how she made her art to be a response and criticism of the original art she was drawing from, she says. I feel that’s the way to engage with tradition, I say. Same actually, says Asia. I never thought about it much but I agree with that, she says. There’s an acknowledgment of lineage in a way that’s not just parody, I say. This is our history, this is what’s happening, this is our art and here’s what goes into it. I believe the way to understand our history and tradition is to transform it into ourselves, into myself. That's the only way I truly understand something – I have to recreate it, I say.
I copy then I live then I recreate then I experience then I create the text original and originary I author the manuscript of the Bible and the Nag Hammadi Codex and the Zohar I author the manuscript of the Exegesis of Philip K. Dick and the Red Book and the Black Books I author first universe god gods glass gods god / ben adam equal microcosm and macrocosm
I erect earthworks earth works chariot earthless Earth works earthless woman water bodies earnest lake earth Earnest earthless equal vaults volumes / earnest earth ernest scared stupid Earnest immediate earth shake Christian restoration Earnest immediate comedian intermediate or median earthwork Earthworks awake earthworks comical swell channels Earthworks awake earthshakes slain in the spirit holy rollers and shakes Earthwork enthusiasmos empties shell skull crucified cornfed handcuffs Swell skull tide swell towers and I see a gold pillar from earth to heaven I seek dark towers hang heaven and earth, the spread-out space dwelt with earth dawn Earthless less but loped down dawn machine drawn down Machine draws loop earthless electromagnetism Earth electroplates ben bodies pomegranate earth Plant plays ben bodies electromagnetic machine skull serpent mathematics I let this earth dissolve my skull serpent deserts
Earth enters ben rivers ver vav her Earth enters utterances ugly earth rivers rinse bodies The river nymphs and the dolorous and the humid echo / where a malignant and a turbaned turk… (Sabbatai Sevi dons the turban Jacob Frank dons the Christian baptism)
I let earths husk Christianities with erosive soils erotic comedies
River nymphs hyena hisses holes ben bodies / this visible work left by this novelist easily and bountifully enumerated
I let earths left husks not a hospital but parking lot soil: Christianity collapses, completely soil I don the Christian baptisms many earths many soils
I write museum many metamorphoses Museum maverick manufactures more myth incomplete and complete metamorphosis Metamorphic museum makes maverick music and maverick music many merkabah visions Merkabah as medicine molts river nymphs incomplete metamorphosis / chariots surround chronic claustrophobia Chariot wheels sound claustrophobia tone clusters truncated Taryn elephant trunk / trunk Bonnie and Clyde Death Car Tone clusters turn Taryn tourniquet bra-ket notation Notated thickets thistles crown of thorns torah crowned letters Crown letters latter rain raw metamorphoses
This is a cool video about metamorphosis, says Asia. Learned some things, she says. Here’s a connection for you, I say. We need to treat our tradition and history like metamorphosis. The chrysalis of art allows us to take what nourishes and pare away what we don’t need, I say. I didn’t know that the pupa was an exoskeleton under the skin, says Asia. Makes sense but it’s so wild to think about it, she says. Yeah, I didn’t know they grew so many parts before hand, like protowings, I say. If you look at my writing, I think you see a similar process with how I engage with the Bible and other poetry, I say. DIGEST IT, says Asia. I’m going to up my butterfly game this year. Going to grow more milkweed. Over here, there are too many people who are like, we can’t plant milkweed, what about ALLERGIES? What about bees? PEOPLE ARE ALLERGIC TO BEES! I’m like, carry an EpiPen and some allergy meds, losers, says Asia.
I write museum matrix metamorphoses / museum maverick metamorphosen Museum clusters bodies thickets thistles crown of thorns torah crowned letters Letters row rain run metamorphoses circular ruins Metamorphic museum matte paintings muscles My muscles machine matchstick muscular Christianity and I crucify Christianities circle shells body shade
Write width Write width wide woman weird Weird body ben adam harder than iron which nous fire tempers
Word width word warp Word width wits with with word Word width hard heat her earth iron Word width white river rapids stations of the cross Cordyceps stations of the cross holy ghost parasites Parasite paradise palm tree garden Stations of the cross the kingdom of the skies comes near
Word width gospels (cure the sick, raise the dead, cleanse the lepers, cat out the demons)
I make gospel generous myth and giant myth / myth giant sequoias I fuck up the gospels the sacrifice of young girls I make gospel as structural film and fixed angle camera
I fail often to write the gospels, to copy originary all verses of the Gospel of Mark and the Gospel of Thomas I continue to fail gospel geographic guts khora ketamine Crowns surround Christianities copy cameras
Gospels gullwing the sacrifice of young girls Gospels yardbird sacred spring Christ in the tableaux of pagan Russia
I attempt to radically rethink my approach to writing / I abandon the writing
I abandon the writing / word wrecks fragments body balkanization
I come across a writing fragment I wrote in a pocket notebook from six months ago, which I reproduce here:
(I need to radically rethink how I approach my writing Previously I tried to multiply or magnify Vladimir Nabokov index cards by using an assemblage of notebooks – a mixture of commonplace books with my commentary to engage dialogic with each other (like the Talmud?) (like the Zohar?) I copy too much and I don’t engage with the texts enough Copy the texts but then speak to the texts – have conversations with the texts – engage in socratic methods, scholastics, dialogics, dialectics wit the text – this rhizome collection and archive of notebooks engaging with notebooks can only succeed in this manner IT IS NOT ENOUGH TO MERELY COPY THE COPY MUST TRANSFORM TRANSFIGURE FIRE WITHIN FIRES FLAME TEXTS ENGAGE WITH TEXTURAL INTERCOURSE / INTERTEXTUALITY)
I appreciate Past Ben’s ideas, motivations, and insights, although six months later I disagree with points Now I desire more flexibility and openness in my writing: I still feel anxiety about continuity, transitions, and connections, but I want to lesser restrictions (I MUST transform texts or it’s not worth writing) and more mundane discipline (copy, combine, edit, on a daily basis) Now I feel my notebooks contain a reservoir of textural ideas for wen my prophetic brain sputters and cannot unveil or reveal GREAT MYSTERY or whatever hypomanic bullshit I shed surreal I try to write pragmatically, using whatever technique or text in order to write a better Book: a book that documents its own creative process and records my own transformation Even if I copy a text exactly (impossible), I still transform myself Regardless, I continue writing and transforming the writing
Read more – copy more – write more
I read original – I copy original – I write original
Month: April 2024
Painting Is No Problem
Painting is no problem – the problem is what to do when you’re not painting
I do not not paint I do not not paint and I paint all the time I paint pure cinema I paint cinema pure desert documents / look at the illustration carefully I paint all the time look at the illustration and you’ll never see it again Paint again against paint / paint against again paint
Paint projects pixels / illustration parallax Paint plays collage parallax london cologne / solo soprano saxophone forests
Look at the illustration carefully for it cuts canvas paint stiletto Paint divisor theorem stiletto pointillism illustration structures stinkbug stimmung stresses I stack stresses illustrations / printing press accents
Look at the illustration carefully / look at the harlequins
Look at the illustration carefully because you’ll here – see it again / Book of Sand because neither the book nor the sand has any beginning or end
I swim sand involuntary scherzo
I listen to Brian Ferneyhough’s Liber Scintillarum
Score suggests succession of fragments
Fragments body freak Book Fire / fire assemblage extracts of gospels and church father maxims
I fear the fragment but its aphorism architects quartz sculptors / Krystal condenses sand
Brian Ferneyhough’s music always bewilders me and I nevertheless enjoy its energies
Painting is no problem: the problem is what to do when you’ve not painting
I repeat fragment as flail and flail as fog fire Paint sneers in smoke sheer fabric / sheer fire unfocused flesh Pale paint picks ben silhouette sweat blues and gospels (nobody’s fault but mine nobody’s fault but mine ff I die and my soul be lost nobody’s fault but mine) Flesh fucks fragment fire / fire fractals body horrors
Body horror burrows insect colony bodies Ben bodies dance dense horror nobody’s fault but mine / sinners in the hands of an angry god Dance drone ben bodies body horror chorea / desert difference movements Dance bodies dense repetition I repeat bodies ben body movement body dance dove hug horror High horror body hide higg’s boson bulldozers Hanatarash body horror / nobody’s fault by my own noise
Museum hoods body horror most mirrors and mirrored bodies mar bodies paint again aberrations Mar hard bodies horror pornographic Group pornographic graphomania Graphomania mall aquarium
Aquarium algaes dark magic book ben body theater Theater immerses paints projected repetitions
(I work with a more intentional repetition Mixed aleatoric and horizontal repetition Repetition real rhizomes no home but rapture Son of Man has no place to lay its head but rhizome ragged repetition)
Museum mouths hooded cobra mirrored columns within mirrored bodies / rhizome ballrooms
Museum mouths menses lunar mirrors mirror serpents Moon meanders meadows a mother: mother cobra and mother mongoose fast mop bodies skate movement Mop body ray rotation museum sketches
I sketch bodies quickly nude fragments
Bodies ballroom make room for more desert Bodies ballroom rhizome homeless deserts / room raw human Room raw human mushroom / cloud desert human Room raw human prayer: let the unfixed prayer Unfixed a flexible prayer open bodies Open prayer bodies caw paw open ocean Open ocean bodies prayer cat eye open (Prayer fixed? His supplication bears no fruit… What is fixed? Whatever blocks the will from making NEW) I taste body trace retrace text textured NEW and NOW textures / texture nude body prayer NOW textures turtles new now and NEW NOW: well new desert and NEW medium Now desert medium museum / tortoise mosaics (I rescued a turtle today, says Asia. We were driving and I spotted it and screamed “a turtle!” My husband swerved and pulled over. I hopped out of the car and ran full speed in the turtle’s direction. The oncoming car probably thought I was a lunatic but I picked up the turtle and carried him to the other side… The turtle hisses at me when I picked it up. I didn’t know turtles hissed! I say. Yeah, they do. I rescued many turtles in my days and they are almost always indignant about it. One time I took my raincoat and threw it on top of a snapping turtle to get it out of the road, says Asia.)
Desert tortoise snaps soft snorkel human skin medium Tortoise tunnels Taryn tinfoil / dented objects for gathering water Turtle meridian bit in the mouth / human mouth mad museums
I myth mud and I mud myth I smear mud on my body swear worship I worship not mere mud but myth: woman myth and woman medium
I paint woman medium never not painting
I approach painting in the same sense as one approaches drawing – that is, it’s direct
I draw direct desert I make mud myth raw human body motion I make myth direct mud maw human My human paints desert partitions I drip desert painting / the dead shall rise and walk on the earth THE GATES OF HELL Dead dress direct desert draw / mud applied to decayed bodies Mud undressed nude dead bodies
Bodies clans hang hum mud Bodies clang sang shaar sheer char Char clang claws ash bodies broad gospel Gospel broadway wears brash ben bodies Ben bodies pulse rhythms and suspended continuities
Ben bodies clang close cave mouth matchstick: stick fire slags slate bodies slick Slick bodies matchstick stomach fire (my stomach riots body boils cave barge)
Ben bodies clang blood clot cave mouth / her mouth chews my stomach fragments flagella Ben bodies tailwhip word worms crawl cave mouth (worms crawl in worms crawl out worms play pinochle on your snout) My stomach snouts spasms / stomach strange sprouts cave mouth My belly blimps open cave mouth motor oil and spasms spray paint my stomach action painting canvas
Ben bellies blimp cave mouth length: length deep undressed desert Length deep dressed black canvas black coffee
Her cave becomes long, deep; she widens, extends, narrows ben bodies book a constricted place, a narrowed place, one of the hollowed-out places She widens word: she widens weird Word she widens word weird she widens weird human wrestle register Widens weeds Book wedge / I worship weird
My belly burns bandages cave mud mow mouth mosquitoes My belly bursts darkling beetles / ben bodies devoured oratorio I have at my disposal my own recording code / desert dry fat drippings I parody the public code a mockingbird mimic private code
Long clock song body length / my belly bloats blue death-feigning beetles My belly blankets long song and long sound desert stink beetles
Longer louder sound sudden soft gospels / cave mouth corpus human carcasses I collect carcasses bell cave cicadas and insects canvas coo jazz (a canvas is an arena in which to act) Arena air aleatoric acid jazz (the word air and its immediate propositioning) (aleatoric cave alchemy / tarot spelunking)
A canvas is an arena in which to act / a cave is a handaxe in which to asp
Cave mouth cottonmouth maps fangs onto fragments / human flesh flirts in aphorisms
(How do I approach all these notebooks and different texts? A possibility: to mimic Vladimir Nabokov and use index cards to use John Zorn file card composition methods I copy texts from notebook to notebook, and the process births more notebooks, and notebooks dig deeper long length melodies Notebooks clove clearing chaos / kaiju khora Notebooks dig longer deeper she extends desert She extends dialogue decalogue desert heather heteroglossia Dialogic desert death valley sailing stones)
Cave clouds ben body clusters bodied notebooks Body notebooks embodied desert: sailing stones living stones stone notebooks tadpole tablets Cave clocks and clouds clover ben bodies / bodies tadpole tablets frog furniture argentium silver fastenings Stone speaks stone and notebook deserts notebook Notebook beguiles notebook birthstones panchoronos and pankairos
Her mouth cauldron cooks deeper longer and in dark beetle chasm, I see a gold pillar from earth to heaven
Gold pillar plays paint (I do not not paint and I paint always no Shakespeare problem plays) Gold pillar plays peak pigment then pink light / she lights the lights cave dark Pillars play palm parallel / parallax pink pigment Pigment feral pig pipe bomb
Gold pillar plays gold god golden calf ice calving Gold pillar planes flat anarchy anarchic flag human bodies Human bodies her names as numbers
Her cave calves human names numbers Book of Circumcision Book of Elijah Dreaming Desiring Her cave names Christina mixed multitude prayers: prayers point pink aporia
I pursue her language aporia or aperiodic parody / my body without organs erupts delirium desert desert fluids bodies flow windshield wiper fluid or check oil light
Conversations With Asia 06/27/2020
So many things happened at once when I was in college, says Asia. Classes were stressful, my job was stressful, I was struggling with some of my classes, some of the professors were jerks, I started doubting my faith, started fighting with my family, and struggled with anxiety and depression, says Asia. That sounds overwhelming for sure, I say. I remember when I was in college, I ended up going through the nadir of my depression and I was hospitalized and I ended up dropping out. I think that was one of the abysses of my life, I say. That sounds rough, says Asia. College is overrated. Definitely, she says.
I often survive: Christina and Asia too I will not survive this Book but perhaps my body will (I imagine my book spontaneously going up in flames after my death, as if we have some uncanny ontological dependence a dead body, a book in ash, no difference – all materials) I do not survive this bad writing and I do not leave any transition or connection between this connection or the next Painting is no problem: the problem is what to do when not painting I paint – good painting or bad painting – I create to survive and make myth to survive Cave mouth clutches and shallows past college classes Cave mouth cracks teeth ben bodies / blood hood hold her Her hips sway with my hell holy holy holy My exposed head holds woodshed short antlers / deer seer holy holy holy
I see a gold pillar from heaven to earth and earth to heaven aethers feather earthquakes Gold grows doe gods and my antlers shed beach shore holy spirit
Earth cave empties unordered open them open anarchic Open anarchic against then with With else other earth (terra and anti-terra)
Painting is no problem – the problem is what to do when you’re not painting
I do not not paint I do not not paint and I paint all the time I paint pure cinema I paint cinema pure desert documents / look at the illustration carefully I paint all the time look at the illustration and you’ll never see it again Paint again against paint / paint against again paint I paint earth cave empties and earth survives either me or Asia / earth bursts into flames after our passing
I Open The Body Random Noise
Her noise nail neo-noir nude Nook noise nude and I nap noise I nap noise none or no nock (names the colors barrels we trip over inside) Inside noise interior noise room now noun (noun states accent in air / noise states accent in air) Her noise nail I nap neck noise
In what way noise applies to things theme Taryn Taryn theme tetragrammaton Tetragrammaton noise Taryn noise textures I repeat the rich rupture textures feathered rhizomes Noise rhizomes nirvana hormoaning
In what ways noise applies spy versus spy spelling bee belladonnas Noise nightshade mandrake / mangrove combs noise move maps maps superimposed into onto maps I amp map mandrake and mangrove rare groove / leaves of grass graves Groove don't go for the root follow the canal
I write rhizomatic west ben bodies shifting and displaced frontiers Displaced frontiers fleshes stampede insects
Experiment writing ferments / enjoyment and noise
Noise desert notation purely horizontal and vertical lines varying in width spread out over the page
I experiment noise entire environment enter trace Trace flesh sketch Taryn blonde sonne Sonne song sound skin noise (my skin sketches additional trace and excess)
In what ways noise applies additive environments / multiplicative noise exponential environments Noise neat moon knocking on heaven’s door Noise applies applique concrete / bastard noise brutalism Noise applies haphazard themes numbered cell divisions Cell divisions cell saw Cell saw sphere see numbers in cell division Cell saw simple arcade extended expansion (soft, draping panels of rubberized cheesecloths with rigid fiberglass and polyester resin poles)
Noise from simple melody to complicated textures to simplicity again and then back to the more dense, the more complex sounds
Complex sounds sea continuously jerks off Simple melodies to complex sounds solid elements and brewed in water animated by erotic movement
Flying fish fin noise Fish fin fan noise Fin fang foom noise my face finished with blood
I emerge urgent museum swarm insects I emerge urgent bloody erection and criminal debauchery and museum millipede desert mutations museum mush millipede chariots chariot chew locust star swarm constellations
I play the music of long prayer
I play the music one long prayer and I push my imagination towards the sound I follow the sound
I follow sound human flesh and locust swarms warm bodies without organs / the talking birds young girls Young girls dance sacrifice circle / early pagan spring I relate to sound inside bodies I follow bodies listening everything together
ben bodies bones emerge urgent museum: museum shims locust swarms sound to sound together Sound to sound follow together taryn gatherings Locusts swarm signal-to-noise ratio rat pack rat king / noise obscures insect footprints Noise corrupts crowned bodies tenors Rat pack pulls rhizomes rat kings king felix
I emerge from museum become desert body and my body morro bay surfs popcorn ceiling static / the sky above the port the color of television tuned to a dead channel
Seven of Swords, says Asia. This is a strange one, I say. I have my own interpretation of it. What’s your interpretation? she says. It is a dark or dismal interpretation. It is an incomplete death; I want to carry out my dead but I can’t carry all the swords with me to complete death. I live in half-death, in agony, the betrayal of my own body, I say. I think parts of you are being left behind in haste or that your focus and priorities aren’t right, says Asia. I appreciate you talking to a glum and gloomy benjamin, I say. As Mr. Rogers said: it’s you I like, says Asia. Thanks, that’s sweet. Did you know I watched Mr. Rogers as a kid a lot? I didn’t know that. Mr. Rogers rocks, says Asia. Thoughts on the Magic School Bus? I say. I love the Magic School bus. I want to be Miss Frizzle, she says. I can totally see you being Miss Frizzle. Do you think you’re different in person than you are online? Not really. You seem pretty cool so I hope you’re as cool in person. Newsflash: I’m not, says Asia.
Body ostinato Body ostinato bodies brash bodies black paintings Brane brush bodies black paintings bold hold book bodies
I emerge from museum become desert body and my body book of sand serpents (I opened the book at random the script strange to me The pages wear out typologically poor lays out bible double columns) Desert emerges bible bodies body museum mausoleum herta headstones headstones hint tint the speculum that doesn’t shine Speculative fiction frictions the speculum that doesn't shine and she shifts lights dark slow mushroom dark Ben sand skin scratches turntable juggling Ben sand bodies obsess odd joy juniper / odd joy oddjob’s hat decapitations Decapitations dress desert ben bodies mushroom gloom
I open the Book at random museum becomes desert body I open the body random noise (the sound of a truck at fifty miles per hour static between stations rain) Open body neat noise or numbered distances Book body inert noise or annealed distances (rain Asia rain Radio active Asia rain atom bomb) Body open uneven bone / bomb bomb-omb blowfish fans fool tempest
I open body book deserts desert bean body empty ben body deserter desert body kenosis kenosis KHORA bodies kiss kenosis KHORA and kenosis KING FELIX Kenotic cataleptic fishing lure she lights the lights
I open Book random I emerge museum wholly holy human body holly Museum mean mister mustard / body buddy holly Museum Colonel Mustard with the lead pipe in the library made museum Conservatory made mushroom museum ballroom
I have visions of the Book as several rooms and then endless rooms, its own library of babel The Book then becomes several libraries of babel and then endless babel, the increasing chain of cardinal numbers
An Interlude On Noise
It becomes long night long night noise nocturne (a new noise and a noxious noise) Long light night noise subtle desert annihilation Noise annihilation serpent desert / desert long eye light nude sight I seer long light snake shake shelter from the storm but noise Noise nested through and between desert (my noise and my desert) Noise rests my body through and to desert ben box bunkers cot catfish phalanges furnace phalanx gospel
Gospel overspills huts light and noise and my flesh fuses desert / long desert word Gospel juts desert sword and shield noise / gospel juts jazz desert and sword noise knocking on heaven’s door
(Wherever we are, what we mostly hear is noise)
I wrestle noise and as I wrestle writing and noise neckties writing nighties Nightie nightmare nude noise written hidden ben bodies Bodies random raw restless noise (the god who sows and reaps as opposed to the god who replants and unearths) I unearth urgent noise and noise rises restless headless beetles
I worship noise wrestles longer beetle bodies / big bag beetleborgs
(I believe that the use of noise to make music will continue and increase until we reach a music produced through the aid of electrical instruments)
Electric fan flesh photo phantasm Electric car silent pedestrian strike body percussion Electric blender blood binder
My blood boils as noise mixed with pigment / oil bender spillover beetle bodies Blank cake noise bodies
Build noise building brush bodies / brush brick blonde bosom
I believe in noise I believe noise nylon pylon desert Noise nonzero desert dusts my body additional vinyl noise / darkroom developer noise I believe noise desert newspaper piled plucked guitar string bodies / I dream drone dragonfly noise Dragonflies dip or sip desert god bells song quarks gluon gethsemane Noise nudges quarks and gluons gethsemane quarks and gluons gologtha Christ’s bloody ace fangs noumena now noise gospel
(Wherever we are, what we hear is mostly noise. When we ignore it, it disturbs us. When we listen to it, we find it fascinating.)
I let the noise in like a prophet or a widow I let her in undisturbed noise disturbed desert John Cage noise nitroglycerin John Cage hurry anarchy I let anarchy animal household aluminum hauntings I anticipate animal anything anything ana aggregates
Are noise anarchy desert undisturbed
Are noise noise ant anarchy termite taryn deserts
Insect anarchy nymph noise termite taryn incomplete metamorphosis
ben bodies anarchic mouth cave metamorphic rock / sedimentary serpents
ben bodies silt paranoic noise noise open antinomian
Paraboloid paranoid noise nurtured insect bodies
It becomes long deep: it widens extends narrows I emerge museum become desert desert body and my body blasts bastard noise ben bodies blast corps crop circles desert nights and desert noise I emerge IMMEDIATE desert dollhouse noise disaster I emerge desert IMMEDIATE museum how undressed noise nonzero distance Little black dress distance / frenzy fire
Noise in what way names applied to things Noise in what names now nude (noise states accent on air) (a noisy or porous universe) (verb slides noise nodes network / noise verb visions and noise porous prophecy)
She says I’m a prophet for the lost, for those floating in liminal spaces, I say. I wouldn’t limit you to that, says C. But maybe we are all in liminal spaces? What would you limit me to? I wouldn't. My prophecy has no limits? I don’t think so. I don’t think limits are things that apply, says C.
In what ways noise applies to the things I live noise knobbed colors gnarled Nonskid noise stones ice surprise live narwhal
I dream cage new york noise / taxicab numbers neither body mathematics I like noise newlywed absorb verb slide desert dress noun neckline Nonstick noise neoprene noise large nitrile gloves (degloved desert)
I spoon name noise John Cage and noise flies neat knob creek
I announce noise John Cage names
Name rain her noise
I Brush Beetles With Household Aluminum Paints
Household assorted asphalt fat aluminum stereo Fat stereoscopic aluminum telescope
My paintings do not have a center but depend on the same amount of interest throughout
I feel like I have a lot of writing ideas and projects, and I never quite finish any of them Instead, they erupt and abruptly interrupt and then recede again They all sort of gradually intertwine like an underground root system, mycorrhiza stuff, just working underneath, subconscious subterranean The themes burrow and overlap in very long spirals that never quite come together but continue eroding grooves into the Book
Household assorted asphalt fat salt aluminum stereo Fat stereoscopic salt aluminum telescope
My paintings do not have a center but depend on the same amount of interest throughout I attempt to paint an Albert Ayler energy and intensity throughout, with subtle variations, volumes and valleys I imitate intense textures tinctures tonalities bodies total bodies Taryn total Taryn total talking blues tonalities (The exciting Elena HAVANA JOY GIRL WHO BECAME A GUERRILLA QUEEN Her body outraged at 18, she fled to the Sierra Maestra and paid back society with bullets)
Bodies outrage power outages / ben bodies power processes Ben bodies play processes of decomposition characteristic of paranoid (paranoid parabola bodies parabolic mirror ben bodies los paranoias)
Paranoid I prefer sticks trowels, knives, and dripping body fluids (my blood my semen) impasto canvas impostor syndrome
Household hazard haunts asphalt salt stereo Fat hazard stereoscopic salt aleph aluminum
My outraged body crass range and domain rocks ribbed sand broken glass foreign matter added
Matter added orchid and orchis Added orchid and orchis, oval rust Orchids and orchis, testicle tetragrammaton oral torah Orchis and orchid oscillating system made chaotic through oral torah
I orate oval rust Oval rust rings rhizomes Taryn narratives I narrate other names oral torah / I abandon
I abandon / ben bodies machined paranoias Paranoid aporias (paranoia decompresses just as hysteria condenses) I abandon texts truncated
Do you think it’s normal to feel up and down creatively? I say. I think it’s very normal, says Asia. It’s exhausting sometimes, I say. Maybe I should pick up a new hobby that doesn't require any technique… Stamp collecting. I don’t know, says Asia. I think the grasping is part of the appeal, especially for you. I feel like if it was easily attainable, you wouldn’t want it, she says. I often feel like I’m banging my head against my own fluency, I say. Like I’m too familiar with my own language and I need to betray myself and my writing, I say.
But you’ll do more than all of them because you’ll sacrifice the human who bears me Your horn has already been raised, your anger has been kindled, your star has ascended, and your heart has strayed….
Orchid and orchis conic sections Conic tonic total Taryn bodies / boat paranoids Boat paranoids beach paranoids detached bodies
My brain oozes orchid orichalum My brain oozes oral torah and taryn tetragrammaton Ooze decomposes then condenses ben paranoid prima materia Ben brain ooze oil orchid and orchis, sinning omens (orange, red, and red oil on canvas) Ben sins omen orchid and orchis oral torah orgy / station of the cross cunnilingus Christian cuts bodies sharp cunnilingus / holy spirit tongues divided bodies into orgasmic hemispheres
Brain ooze hammerhead shark carcasses and I paint the castle house aluminum hammerhead attack Paints attack sharp edge arachnids / archeaopteryx fossils (she fossilizes my flesh omnislash variations) Omnislash shortens bodies shores sheer cliff fault beaches
Household assorted asphalt fat aluminum stereo Fat stereoscopic aluminum telescope
Household assorted hot wax fat stereo albumin Fat stereoscopic egg fossil aluminum shark
I write another minute poem with Asia, from 3 months ago I don’t know what to do with these poems, which seem to me playful fragments or hallucinating photographs, so for now I will embed them in the book and perhaps build or expand upon them if necessary
bug
bug blonde bomb beach
bug
but say blonde bomb beach bay
bay say wide hide spy
bay bug blonde spy bomb BOOM
boom beach boom
boom beach bug spy spall
sprawl bug
bugs buzz bomb beach spray
gull beach god spray bomb spies bugs
bug and bugs say
bug and bugs say sply gods
gods bomb BOOM BOOM so gods
dead gods bug beach
dead gods beach bug blow
bug bug beach
say dead gods
Asia intensifies my interest in insects Asia beckons and beguiles me with bombastic beetles and bewitching bugs (Before I go, I saved a bug for you. Look at this absolute creature, she says. It looks mad at me – it has those Asia eyebrows, I say) (Thoughts on insect metamorphosis? I say. Based and misunderstood, says Asia. The general public understands caterpillars and butterflies and nothing else. They don’t consider grubs as beetles, or grubs as beautiful or even cute. They love ladybugs but know nothing about the larva, they love dragonflies and know nothing about their aquatic nymphs, and don’t even get me started on incomplete metamorphosis, she says. I think you were born as a grub and you underwent metamorphosis to the Asia today… Did your grub form have a different name or were you always called Asia?)
Asia intensifies my interest in insects and insects invade my brain ooze bronze ouroboros (So technically dragonflies have an incomplete metamorphosis because they never pupate, says Asia. Though their nymphs look very different from the adults and most insects that have incomplete metamorphosis have offspring that look like smaller versions of the adults and they just keep shedding their exoskeletons until they are adult size. Most true bugs have incomplete metamorphosis, says Asia. I want to write the adventures of Grub Asia or maybe Tadpole Asia, I say. I like the word GRUB. Sorry I’m silly today – I don’t mean to annoy you. It’s fine but you asked about metamorphosis and you’re going to get metamorphosis, says Asia)
I emerge from museum become desert and my body breaks shocked quartz column cloudquakes My body beetles breakers california central coast steel checkers (ben bodies beach body beetles ben bodies bay california root borer beetles) My body black blister beetle breaks california central coast scorched earth scarabs My museum become desert body barks bigheaded ground beetle (big jaws on a big head make up half the length of this big beetle) My museum become desert body beetles beach birch book sand ben bodies black-and-white click beetle desert bodies and my body black desert sands sow sorcery sketch time Desert sand sows sound stretch time sorcery
Acorn weevil wild word Wild word wild strawberries
Asia acorn weevil weird rain
(Asia has a long snout reminiscent of an elephant’s trunk and she lays her fertilized egg in the soft tissue of a young green acorn)
Household assorted asphalt fat aluminum stereo Fat stereoscopic aluminum telescope
Household sweeps earwig watercolour and aluminum splatter Fat froths fertilized egg telescope log decomposition
I scatter strange seed, sister surgery and sorcery Sorcery sins so-so syntax / sister sonic youth Sister sonic youth sites sister Philip K. Dick god schizophrenia (I believe that the use of noise) (to believe that the use of noise / I believe that the use of noise) (ben beetles bodies annihilation)
I feel my schizoscratch schizotpyal personality constantly subjected to interrogation, constantly cross-examined My sister constantly cross-examines my schizophrenia (one sister was normal the other was not – STRANGE SISTERS they were both indescribably lovely – yet one wanted a man’s love… while the other craved a woman the strange novel of a lesbian on the loose!)
I scratch my skull into shells (this detailed study of red lines on a small piece of silcrete underlies that these patterns were intentional, and made on various media with different techniques)
My skull scratches beetle backs beach etchings My skull skips scratch acid orange Extended orange beetle bone
Leopard bones leopard books Leopard bone hone hawk hauntings Bone hone tomahawk hauntology
Conversations with Asia Rain 06/26/2020 9:50 AM
I had a meeting with my spiritual director today. How did it go? We were talking about how Doc was concerned for my mental health because of my proclaimed identity as a prophet of God. He considered my writing a gift from god, and in the writing, there is prophecy – but to be careful and self-aware, to realize the writing is not my own but a gift given… There are many languages to God and prophethood / prophecy is one path and one language to God, I say. I’m glad your meeting went well, says Asia. I still feel a lot of doubt over it but I couldn’t quite express it. Maybe it has to do with the legitimacy of your prophetic work. What do you mean by legitimacy? As in suggesting that it is ego or delusion would also be suggesting that it isn’t from god. Yeah, I worry a lot. Do people respond well to your work? Yes. Well there you go – a prophet is judged by their fruit, says Asia.
Household assorted asphalt fat aluminum stereo Fat stereoscopic aluminum telescope
Household hints peep prophecy fat god glory hole Fat scroll stereo booms prophecy aluminum porno
I prophesy through bone I prophesy by beetle bodies width and length banded cave birth bodies I prophesy cave birth intrinsic insects (I embrace insects as my body fire / warmth of caves) I prophesy cave pierced insect aporias / intense insect alchemies
It becomes long, deep; it widens, extends, narrows It is a constricted place, a narrowest place, one of the hollowed-out places
Long line long luna household aluminum Language long music melody meanders telescope stereo Long body beetle bodies ben goliath beetle or hercules beetle
It becomes long light long body / long body museum become desert It becomes long light and it belongs long light / it must be always night otherwise they wouldn't need the lights
Household assorted asphalt fat aluminum stereo Fat stereoscopic aluminum telescope
Household beetles share salt hip-hop stereo Fat beetles streak sulfur lights segmented telescope
My Discarded Skull Splits Into Crustaceans and Museums
I play plateau punctuated equilibrium aporia Plateau paints parallel aparallel pliers parallax Plateau pliers parallax paradox pinpoint punch explosions pinpoint plateau expands human pineapple punch I play plateau platypus partitions (partitions) perch pelican Milton Babbitt aggregates Partitions pillow color violent black orange yellow on white and red) I play plateau myth plutarch pluto myth myth underground
I madame myth Mark Rothko and I megagram moss color most I meander mystical colors swallow me in gods
Deep reds, maroon, and black ben bodies body broad black bodies without organs Body bold black bodies without organs orgiastic hyperbolic asteroids Hyperbolic elliptical bodies orbit bodies without organs
Plateau sphere-packing Plateau sphere-packs play abandon play
Plateau unpause peculiar patterns Plateau plateaus unpause pattern pattern pliable Pliable plateaus plateau ben bodies plateau a piece of artifice I would happily have incorporated in a conjuring trick Plateau cyberpunk and solarpunk
I emerge from museum Become Desert desert body sand storm sound Sound stain or stained sound stained sound stained canvas poured pigment enamel aluminum / haunted household paint Paint emanates paint and paint emerges paint panthalassa pantheism
I paint sharks I sketch sharks trickster paint: plant paint impasto plateau
I paint slim sharks I paint slim cigarette shark and slim cigar shark champagne I paint shark plateau Jackson Pollock drip paintings Jackson Pollock action animal painting / surreal shark love shack Surreal shark love shack slack thread Taryn I paint thread Taryn toma tetragrammaton
I paint shark plateau with tetragrammaton sorcery Shark plateau cave paints hunting magician my action paintings puzzle aurochs from rust, charcoal, and manganese Auroch action paintings primitive pigment pigment elemental elephant electrons
I paint shark shaman and shark sorcerer / dissociated canvas sharks Shark skies repels shells share intense beetle pigment Horn shark sorcerer: frilled shark sorcerer Horn shark sorcerer sequenza or serenade frilled shark sorcerer Great white shark sorcerer series or sequence dwarf lanternshark shaman
Museum minnows cave mouth earth works Museum winnows shark word cave mouth burial grounds Cave mouth decenters human skull contours / compressed museum rubble Human skull skims waters swallowing chum processed from its own body
I paint my own exposed skull and eventually discarded skull I paint skull ben body pirouette silhouette blood halo houdini The Melvins houdini particle physics straight jacket escape artists Human skull struts particle accelerator elbow amsterdam radioactivity Human skulls higgs mechanism and binding energies / ben body without organs I emerge binding energy explicit lyrics parental advisory adonai
Cave mouth chews human skull metamorphosis (cave mouth contours sculpt human mouth mouth skull scorched remains) Cave chews bone cataclysm: cave bone fiery bonfire ben belly I cut belly as cave mouth ad my guts gasoline bat gland My guts barf sunk bat guano and my skull shits secret sorcery secret gnosis I scan my skull poetic feet: skull iambs skull trochee Skull trebuchet trochee trochanter
Museum stickers stuck carnival Museum stickers stuck torsos carnival torsos circus Torso stickers stuck stomach digested circus torsos I tack my torsos tail stretched scorpions scorched tails I tail my torsos tack nails sand paint scorpions and I trace the paint I trace the paint body ball bodies Museum stickers stuck carnival crash camera castle Crash camera castle castle in the sky steered claws Claws gothic castle haunted castle crank shaft shuttle weaver Weaver sand worm firewall noise noisewall quantum mechanics Quantum mechanics ghost in the machine ghost in the shell shellac
Shark shellac sharon (red and orange on maroon) Shark shellac rose of sharon (red and orange on maroon high moon wild west Wild west word the black wind bowls I howl big black shellac museum ghost missiles Ghost missile now muscles (stick your hand in your eyes close your fist resist) Missile marks muscle mutiny (flex your muscles flex your muscles be hard)
I shred shellac big black museum / sword archive atomizer Atom bomb bloody boredom bloody bore skull bloody bore skull fire flower bloom Skull fire flower bloom hammer brother balkanization
I shred shell hack skull hand axe / my own hands distract My own hands distract digital noise and skulls skill noose Digital noise rather than divisions determined by breaks and syntax: my skull skips syntax but samples slow and stretched sound Digital noise rattler than divisions determined by breaks and syntax: my skull skips syntax and samples slow and stretched sound digital skull noise samples sword sound splash cymbal / cymbal crash attack insects My hands attack insects intimate chew intestines
Hammer brother balkanization hammer brothers hammerhead shark
Hammerhead shark haunted castle horseshoe crab Hammerhead horseshoe crab canon chopped samples and reverb (reverb red on maroon reverb red and orange on maroon monsoon / Christina experiences mind monsoon or monster tempest) Hammerhead haunted castle household aluminum Horseshoe crab household aluminum sawed-off aleph / alphabet chop down numbers Alphabet aluminum cuts name numbers household aluminum paint backs dense insect attacks Insect attacks more general arthropod sprawl attacks (I’m getting a souvenir, I say. Nudibranch dildo? says C. Close! Matte print of giant isopod. Cute! Says C. It’s fun to pet them, I say. I WANT TO TOUCH IT. You can – they have a petting pool. Yeah but I have to go there… IF YOU LOVED ME YOU WOULD STEAL IT FOR ME. They can’t exist outside their special low oxygenated water. IF YOU LOVED ME THEY COULD. You’re just going to eat it. I don’t want my friend eaten… So you're choosing a bug over me. Excuse me, it’s a crustacean. Friends don’t let friends eat other friends. Crustaceans are bugs, says C. Arthropods. Trust me, I do like a whole school assembly on it. “Entomologists to some extent reserve the name ‘bugs’ for a narrow category of ‘true bugs’, insects of the order Hemiptera, such as cicadas and shield bugs”. Well herp keepers call all arthropods bugs, says C. Pfft, imagine an art historian saying Jackson Pollock was a field colorist rather than an abstract expressionist – amateur hour, I say)
Desert Sands Speak In Tongues
Can I ask for writing advice? I say. Sure, says Asia. I feel my writing is fragmented right now, I say. It feels constantly shifting, constantly struggling again. It feels like there’s a whole influx of different flows and I control it and it breaks over and erupts out… Is that OK? Is it OK if the text is in revolt and rioting against itself? Sure, that’s OK, says Asia. If you want to be anchored, you can always have a theme, or a line that you come back to tie it together, she says. So you’d suggest go out as far as I need to as long as I come back? Like a refrain? Yeah, says Asia.
Write unlimited assemblage assemblages Assemblage assemblages human machines and earth machines Assemblage assemblages the deadly rhythm of the production line Write impossible assemblage accented passing tone tower animations
Assemble museum assembles show Show assembles and I let the assemblages fragment and break bone beak bald bone (Fragment light filaments) (fragment fragment featureless features fat void viewed fragments) Ben bodies mercurial muscles machine armies
Museum assemblage museum fragment featureless fog features Museum sisters side show fragments (I let my flesh fragment into museum My flesh museum glass Glass an assortment of galaxies Glass music with repetitive structures) Museum sister show charismatic serpent handling I handle serpent serpent sly fragment serpent light filament fragment serpent swim repetition
Museum repetition rapt rhizome sound so sword son Sound so sword serpents / scale fragments I sketch her fragments sideshow phantoms
I do not separate myself from insects but insects sideshow similar flesh / proteus bodies Protean play pulse contradictions bodies (I find my unconscious as an acentered system coupled accented archive or museum I unwind the spring of my unconscious as a machinist network of finite automata)
Automatic museum assemblages
Automatic ben body bodies balls baths
Museum sideshow selects sector seven slums My body slums sideshow sarcasms: serpent automatic automata machine guns Museum sideshow slashers slums slaughterhouse hop hauntings
Automata ben bodies haunt body horror slum horses / museum motorik rhythm raw magma paw panic attack Panic attack ambush cock-and-ball torture Ambush panic attack my inside sodomy (Sodom and Gomorrah wrecking ball cock-and-ball torture tack bread)
My fringe flesh freaks hardware stores My flesh freaks out I bang random pieces of metal together I bang metal more mercurial bodies and sometimes I invent another waterphone My flesh freaks frankenstein and writing ropes sideshow play and sideshow circus and sideshow bob My flesh freaks collapses body and body borderless blunt body bulk I merge bodies museum monastery machine (a mangler the mangler the mercurial laundry aid consisting of the rollers in a sturdy frame, connected by cogs and powered by a hand crank or by electricity)
I make museum pastiche I parody museum as I parody my body ben bodies batter ben bodies play parody (brain parody of equator coital parody of crime) ben bodies parody play pornography pornography puzzles bodies demon down (SATAN WAS MY PIMP This devil in dusting flesh dealt in bodies, not souls. For a share of his love, as hot as the hell that spawned him, women let themselves be sold to the highest bidder of either sex, for whatever erotic ritual evil could devise)
I prepare museum a pornographic parody of my bodies (ben embedded bodies ben emergent bodies) I emerge from museum a pastiche or detournement of the Mojave Desert / California and Arizona Sonoran Desert overlap I listen to John Luther Adam’s orchestra piece Become Desert I emerge from museum become desert body and sard serpent sorcerer Ben Bodies sand skin scale skin mixolydian magic magic emergence Emergence ant colony organization magazine consciousness Sand serpent slices my skin song: long song language music long melody Sand slopes song skim sculpture, book of Sand serpent skin
Sands erode my skin hidden museum / sculpted skin mausoleums
Sands shift my skin key change desert channel song and I sing rapid descending scales as desert dragons
Sand serpent dreams diamond dragonscale a great portent appeared in heaven A great portent palm tree garden A great portent black iron prison black desert desert difference I drum different deserts
I drum different deserts and sings swing moving human skin I sing swing sand dance word sidewinds and deserts drum different deserts
Desert dome dividends compound interest intense polygons Intense sands in it goro gods
I emerge from museum echo eloah From fogs my flesh four gods goro grand guinol I emerge elohim enter exit multiple entires multiply wounded Wounds word become desert bodies not deserted but preserved planar porn or prototype erotic Become desert ben bodies echo elohim locomotives Elohim en eloah emerge echolocation / echolocation locution museum elohim museum mistrial
I sometimes write with Asia what we call Minute Poems: a piece of poetry written in the span of a minute The results are often bad but delightful Here is a minute poem I wrote when Asia and partook of this practice almost three months ago:
Condensed milk
Condensed milk condensation
Condensed milk microcosm macrocosm condensation
Condensed milk philosopher’s stone
Condensed condensed magnum opus milk
Magnum opus milk ouroboros
Milk of immaterial mother mary
Mary Magdalene milk Adam Kadmon
Adam Kadmon microcosm macrocosm
Condensed condensed
Condensed milk condensation human
Human condensed condensed
I had this vague notion of writing the prepared prima materia into the philosopher’s stone prior to writing: the term condensed milk belongs to one of the many terms to describe the stone and magnum opus I enjoy its repetition and doublings and refrains and I would like to repeat and double and refrain more extensively I will try to revive the concept of the minute poem with Asia: I enjoy its quick break-in improvisations and I would like to use these poems as sources and texts to be destroyed / deconstructed / babel brick mortar I improvise constantly cut through and along continuities and discontinuities / discontinuous deserts Discontinuous desert discrete repetitions Desert deteriorates master cassettes cabinet of curiosities
I emerge from museum becomes desert desert body sand sows sorcerer Sound sand seeds sorcerer secret sums gospels (I complicate canonical gospels through the automorphic cut of anonymous gospel pulses other and heretical gospels gown gut jump rope gall stones) Sound seeds sow sand simultaneous I simulate sand simultaneous symmetries machine asymmetries and sand sings Sand sings skim symmetries star syrup Star skate punk skate park Swamp stamps stars skate park Deftones rocket skates
You know, I never spoke in tongues, says Asia. There was a time in my life where I tried. How did that turn out? I eventually gave up, she says. I tried for a couple years, went to different churches just to try and receive, had family members praying for me constantly. Every time I went back to those churches, they would ask me if I had been baptized in the holy spirit yet, and I had to tell them no. I was disappointed and felt like a reject. Aww, poor Asia. It’s alright, she says. Looking back, I’m glad it didn’t happen to me. I would have stayed. I wouldn’t have grown as a person or deconstructed and reconstructed my faith. I would be like the rest of my family. Would we be friends if were were like your family? I say. I probably wouldn't have joined the server and I might not have met you… I really don’t think I would be who I am today if I would have stayed. I like who I am now. I don’t like who I was then, says Asia.
I speak tongue wheel spoke sphere forked languages I language long tongue tower melody mirror wheel Tongue reflects tongue fat museum flesh (museum flesh library bodies)
Speak tongue Taryn train song touch train partial objects Speak tongue touch Taryn throw train now electronic travel Taryn I speak Taryn simple alternate leaves and small flowers / Taryn the light wood of any of these trees
Tree Taryn these speaks wheel sparse speech: speech speed spur sprawl tree Tree Taryn these threshold sword tree rhizome Rhizome trees tongues Taryn / tree slap slash dash thrashes tongues Tree slash tongues Taryn speaks heal wheel I speak wheels weird washing machine (my heart’s spinning round like a washing machine never saw the devil look so damn clean)
I emerge from museum mushroom cloud cloud cudgel fire Club close cut clean (I was in a hospital bed and I had been operated on and they put a small receiver in the back of my head and a transmitter in my finger… Anyway to get to the transmitter – I had to take my fingernail off) My finger flail kneels door knock nails Finger cuts flaps on either side / side sword horde whore of babylon Unfit finger chopped and discarded in its entirety
I emerge mushroom museum urgent escalates uneven gravel urgrund asphalt / asphalt shocked quartz Asphalt orange no barricade but ouroboros Ouroboros sand worm not wake but awake Sand awake aware awake taryn archive-museum speaking in tongues Taryn mushroom archive termite colonies Termite colony captures coffins cameras (not composed of chapters but plateaus to a certain extent these plateaus may be read interdependently of each other, except the conclusion, which should be read at the end)
When He Finds, He Will Be Troubled
I decide whenever I feel I write ugly, I will proceed to write the ugliest and most monstrous shit possible I write shit and I embed it visible as part of the creative process I shut up and just DO
I do and describe desert (where desert wet where) (where desert when democracy to come)
Do desert desert undifferentiated / dark body body without organs Dark body body without organs (acentered systems system finest networks of automata stems and channels that do not exist)
I read the desert through the desert museum I read the desert to the desert museum
Read write rewrite rhizome: desert marginal museum museum or margins museum mystery of mysteries
Each line a new mind (focus) (unfocused flesh a friction friction)
I do and describe the desert rather than divisions determined by breaks of sounds syntax skeleton)
Reread rewrite rhizome misread miswritten I misread and miswrite museum / monastery museum / mausoleum
I do but I also do work: I write work rewrite rhizome research I write work experiment excited language (language vibrations language excitations languages motile eye mobile form)
Mobile form museum open language runner ladder: ladder algorithm algae headlights Mobile form museum autonomous open coupled messianic flesh / concentric circles sabbatai sevi Concentric circles circus sabbatai sevi exaggerated bodies mania bodies manic museum
Museum not autonomous coupled messianic flesh: flesh flaps cut folds ferrous melody and I unfix melody feral My body fits unknown in museums and it sways unfit and strange strange language longer language legs My thighs clash other language not my body Not my body rots rhizome routes Ben bodies dot rot rhizomic flesh runoff Flesh flails fruit fly fall: fever flesh flesh fuck the facts
ben false flesh flesh fraud blurred fasting bodies Blur curdled body roots mottled museum museum mothlight now molt ben bodies false flesh fraud bold bald bull Found sound floating body spectacle
Museum midnights monarch migrations
Museum midnights matte monarchs migrations
Midnight museums three minutes to midnight and midnight in a perfect world
Midnight museum migration monarch (all individuals interchange and exchange defined only by their state at a given moment)
Desiring-machine museums slip schizophrenic / she lights the lights lingerie I halt without saying anything and I finally have nothing to say and while waving I say finally undecidable unsaying
Desiring-machine museum dolls dead mall miscellaneous rhizomes dead mall beyond the valley of the dolls Mushroom cloud museum museum-mall mall one machine always couples to another One body always couples to another corpus christi christina Christina couples then uncouples stations of the cross (void chasm protoplasm) Museum stained glass cask cot casket
I scratch body raven raw: ben body rhizome map I scratch body raven raw rupture: immediate continuous communication with immediate redeparture delayed continuous communication with immediate redeparture immediate discontinuous delay with immediate redeparture I scratch raw body map sketches scattered bodies and scrambled bodies bodies ben a scanner darkly Dark I scratch body dark dense body Dense black dense bodies / bodies crushed cabinet dense
I wonder if there is a tarot card deck with frogs, says Asia. If not, I will have to make one. That and an insect one. All the swords will be instead be pins used to pin down dead insects, she says.
Black insect scissors Scissors gut cut open gospels My body opens many gospels (let him who seeks continue seeking until he finds when he finds he will be amazed and when he becomes amazed he will rule and once he has ruled, he will attain rest) Dense gospel girls Dense aleatoric desert gospel valerie girls This poem becomes more a frame for the weaving of ornamental arabesques than of explanations: it also becomes center and absence of the whole body of sound
Black canvas mockingbird museum: mockingbird ben body bay song song blood sword boar bodies One body ben mockingbird coupled Christina complicated stations of the cross Maverick museum stations of the cross: museum via dolorosa enclosed bloody deserts Desert insect inside sword dam dag desert
Intrinsic insects insect inside pen poem Implicit twin then explicit insect eroticism / I use the radio for unpredictable content Unpredictable content collections: animated insect aggregates
I anticipate insects I anticipate insect parousia
Extended museum hidden bloody deserts / exoduses and exiles
An ergodic exodus and exile excretes erotic (volcanoes cover terra which serve as anus) I inside immediates insect exodus and exile excesses (no eyelids eyelid cut eye garbage time gehenna) Insect eye lid blinks ben bodies Lid ladder insect eye blinks birth body ben body boiled gehenna: a generous gehenna gulps bodies last gasp
Insects interject pin ben bodies pavement / canvas insects concave Canvas insects concave curved bodies
Museum mine meat desiring-machine pinchers pin insect photographs pencil penal colony / colony insect corpus complete colony (I can’t see why all these confrontations I can’t see how all these dislocations no family life, this makes me feel uneasy stood here in this colony in this colony in this colony in this colony) I inscribe my body the litany of disjunctions: body desert insect desert
Colony couples colony stations of the cross Colony couples colony museum strata stratocasters (even before groundbreaking, the Seattle Weekender said the design could refer to the often quoted comparison to a smashed electric guitar Gehry himself had in fact made the comparison: We started collecting pictures of stratocasters, bringing in guitar bodies, drawing on those shapes in developing our ideas)
I smash book I bash books ben bodies bone bare burr Body ben book guitar colony riots I wreck as riot rhizome bodies the graph regulating the circulation of information and the graph discards the tree Tree trace translates lamina rhizome texts Texts traces tents she lights the lights
I smash book lights limb books unlocked bodies
I talked to Ann Marie on the phone yesterday, I say. How did that go? says Asia. Good. I told her about the Leftist Cooks’ video on Harm and Justice. What were her thoughts? She thought it was interesting. I’m going to send her the video. She does think I myself have undergone extensive transformation. I want to talk about it with you eventually, about wrongs and forgiveness in our friendship. OK, I’m down to talk about it, says Asia. The point of the video was forgiveness is not the end goal for the trespasser. The person who does harm recognizes they did harm, change and transform, with part of the process being making reparations to the victim, but it’s up to the victim to forgive or not. But I transform anyway for two reasons: to not do anymore harm and to make a better society overall. The video goes into how patriarchy and power institutions prevent transformation and acknowledgment of harm. So the more we transform the more we can go beyond those systems too. But forgiveness is a different thing. I was thinking about how you said you were in the process of forgiveness, and you hadn't fully forgive me for my emotional abuse and manipulation. And that's up to you to forgive. I can’t expect it or deserve it. Rather my transformation happens outside that and I have to find the path to make reparations for you the best I can as part of changing, I say. That makes sense, says Asia. And thank you for saying that. I guess when I said “I’m in the process”, I meant that I was going to continue being friends with you. You don’t have to forgive people but you can't have a relationship with someone if you refuse to forgive them. There will always be resentment otherwise. I’m not saying I will always forgive every trespasser but holding onto things doesn't benefit the one who received harm either. And sometimes a community has to give someone space to grow. This doesn't mean that they shouldn’t enforce boundaries or have to welcome that person with open arms, but give them the space to be better. This is my perspective tainted by the fact that I work with 13 year olds every day. They commit sins against their fellow man almost constantly, says Asia. You could have chosen not to be friends with me, I say. And yes you’re right about that… I thought you were still in the process of forgiving me. If I understand you correctly though, you indeed have forgiven me. Yes, I have forgiven you, says Asia. If I sat here punishing you for what you did continuously, then it would mean that I didn’t actually think you had the capacity to change, she says.
Minus something museum Minus museum mimic mason Museum mania mural Manic insect bodies body jointed legs hedge compound eyes
Jesus said: He who seeks, let him not cease seeking until he finds; and when he finds, he will be troubled; he will be amazed and he will reign over all
I seek I seek and I do not find I continue seeking and misreading I seek through experimenting fixed to a time and a place I experiment allows vulgar materials to be incorporated into the performance (a modern Isle of Lesbos – a sundrenched Sodom just an hour from Manhattan LIBIDO BEACH when love has many faces)
I abandon then boredom I abandon when boredom
Allow vulgar materials to be incorporated into the performance / it erupted from the bowels of a city in a lethal frenzy ALLIGATOR 2: THE MUTATION
Allow vulgar materials to be incorporated into the performance / a creepy comedy about cadavers and cannibalism MICROWAVE MASSACRE
Museum mutates museum Museum mutates museum body massacres body microwaves I microwave ben bodies window sinew goblet glue
I transmutate my body into magnet museum I manufacture ben body microwave factory messianic
Mutative machine museums massacres machines
Museum show sisters museum show sisterhood of the traveling pants Museum show sarcasm slaughterhouse haunted horror Slaughterhouse horror haunted horses / museum motorik rhythm maw magma paw panic attack
I repeat rapid gruppetti / mutant alligator methamphetamines
I Prophesy Without A Center
Museum blurs pulse blue hue broken hum Museum blurs her pulse perfect blue hell hue / bard and beats clash cover photographs Scum museum snow north american scum scalloped intravenous Intravenous vision intestines Intestines interior bell hell Bell hop drive up hell handsome skeleton samples Sample handsome horses Insect intestines vision intestines: innards sermons to the dead Sermons to the dead dare bare (They don't stay dead! NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD they keep coming back in a bloodthirsty lust for human flesh! Pits the dead against the living in a struggle for survival)
I write to survive I write to survive any dead any dead dust or lust / grappled light light sampled rhythm
I write to survive fresnel lens in forest sward / short sword write sorcery Not a shortened language but a more compact language buries share dead
I’ve been listening to a lot of emo music and I feel sad because I’m old as fuck but I have all these teenage feelings, I say. It’s embarrassing. Teenage feelings are just feelings! says C. [I send Christina lyrics to the song Why Can’t I Be Snowing by Camping In Alaska] I listen to that song a lot, I say. Isn’t that embarrassing? Whoa. Damn. No, it’s good, says C. It captures a lot. I’m listening to a lot of emo lately and I feel like a kid and not a grown up and I feel fucked absolutely, I say. Feelings are hard, says C, and we didn’t have anyone to guide us when we were young. Give yourself a break. Some people never face this shit even, says C. I don’t know why I feel this desperation or this feeling of fuck this fuck everything, I say. It's just emotions, says C. It's human. It will wax and wane, she says.
My paintings do not have a center but depend on the same interest throughout I do not write center I do not write center but I displace center decentered Center decohered everywhere I write the same interest throughout the sprawl of varying intensities Center uncentered intensities flows circuits (I WAS A LOVE SLAVE by the girl whose confession smashes the Los Angeles vice mark) vice mark gospel of mark This is the gospel of Jesus Christ Son of God Mark punk mosh pit or wind monsoon (I was just like brainstorming, says C. I prefer to call them mind monsoons, I say… I prefer to call them trepanning tempests, I say. Dum dum dumpers? Says C. Maybe I don't understand this game. Is dum dum dumper what you call your butt? I say. Well, your head is a butt, says C. Because you’re a butthead.)
Forest sard, unleveled, orchis and orchis singly
Forest as human phrase figure Forest human figure phrase film I phrase flesh rhythm rhythm sample forest soil I fold forest flesh flesh sward short sword: slate shard sleet, the swan sim of slapstick I swashbuckle slapstick, the frequent forest fluid exhaling black bear bagatelles Black bear ball gowns gelatin skeleton hominy hominy harmony Hominy harmonium harmolodics Harmolodic trilobite fossils / forest swarth cambrian explosion
Forest swarth locust swarm swarm left-handed cicadas
Forest swarth sweats sap soft human surfaces Soft friction sinfonia Soft flesh: my flesh forest Forest ben skin circuit bent peeled to the bone on my right side Forest scab scarab ben bodies (he died alone in the field one summer morning six weeks later, a sunflower grew out of his head)
Forest fjord phyrgian languages: forest flesh phyrgian Flesh physique physics fight forest
My paintings do not have a center but depend on the same amount of interest throughout
A relation to the steppe and garden / desert and oasis
I write the mystical bridal chamber – the brothel – the chamber pot I read too much Bataille Bataille instills redistills a given scatological holy ghost glossolalia
Steppe and garden stuck muck body margins
Steppe garden alligator stair up ruins Up pillar pluck park bodies beat parakeet Up awl pillar shot put shotgun garden steppe
Steppe shaped ghost stair shutter: camera shutter candle sand hand sum steppe Steppe seeps trash heap ben bodies / body ben hinnom
I steep the steppe in my skin, articulation of tubers by fragmentation / ben bodies pushed out into the steppes of nomads I nomad naked the recapitulation of her name
I feel stuck on the steppe steppe without flow Steppe no inflow no outflow my body forces forest (ben bodies deconstruction / deforestation)
Forest feed flesh flood flow Forest ever every all earth body (earth uniformly directed towards the south: forests irregularly interrupted by sun) Ben bodies montane grasslands and shrublands large land bodies
Ben hinnom hell hum forest swarth locust swarm charm left-handed cicadas Handed hinnom hummus cicadas Lateral cackle cicadas dada dune drum orchid (I slide towards this valley)
Great white shark sorcerer / dwarf lantern shark shaman
I experiment and I feel foolish but the fool feelers forests I let the forest female trio and trio cartoon experiments I experiment failure and fail the writing ritual writing Writing wrecks round raw over failures: failure cups cusp placed back out the rhizome (my axon and the dendrite twist around each other like birdweed around brambles, with synapses at each of the thorns My thorns turn tar taste my thorns My thorns twin tar taste my thorns / arrows slopes room) (Arrows slow slopes room rhizome)
Each line a new mind (focus) (mind monsoon) Each line a new mind (now I am ready now I am ready now I am ready to receive the new mind the new mind)
Each line a new mind rather than divisions determines by breaks of sound, syntax
What this line what this experiment
What this line what experiment: new mind different mind New museum: this museum melt my mess body wholly hell healing Sometimes experimental heal
Great white shark sorcerer / dwarf lanternshark shaman I share shark shaped canvas
I transform I change I change the writing I transform Taryn do you see my transformation Asia Rhizome do you see my transformations Rather than divisions determined by breaks of sound or syntax Summed sounds: solar anus Sounds sequences solar anus my anus is bleeding
I accidentally got my husband quoting the song “Jesus Freak” and now I want to fully expose him to early 2000s Christian music, says Asia. We were playing Lobotomy Corp – it’s a game where you have SCP anomaly / monsters that you manage in order to extract energy out of them without killing people. And there was this floating skull dude with a cross behind him, people confess their sins to him and we kept referring to him as a Jesus Freak, then I started singing it and it was all downhill from there, says Asia.
Incident Accident aleatoric Accident Immediate Immediate landscape dwarf lanternshark I intimate an immediacy: experiment as egg or irregular ovum Writing fucks: I rewrite rope I burn books dreaming Dress dream undressed death Death death Death death sorcery
I copy again parts from Sol Lewitt’s letter to Eva Hesse: Learn to say “Fuck You” to the world once in awhile… Stop it and just DO … Do more. More nonsensical, more crazy, more machines, more breasts, penises, cunts, whatever – make them abound with nonsense… Don't worry about cool, make your own uncool. Make your own world. If you fear, make it work for you – draw and paint your fear and anxiety.. You must practice being stupid, dumb, unthinking, empty. Then you will be able to do DO… try to do some BAD work – the worst you can think of and see what happens but mainly relax and let everything go to hell – you are not responsible for the world – you are only responsible for your work – so DO IT
I do it and I am doing it I write and I am writing it I write a mess mascara mollusk malarkey Molecule gastronomy new combine stations of the cross (The crow arises and steals the dreams from my eyes I kneel down and kiss ground Stations of a new cross) I cross myself in a catholic way / I cross myself in a byzantine way I avoid the question mark and the rhetorical question / I hug and kiss the question mark and the rhetorical question (what is this women surround me stone circles timber circle cave mouth what mouth wild mouse desiring-machines)
My paintings do not have a center but depend on the same amount of interest throughout
I prefer sticks, trowels, knives, and dripping fluid paint or heavy impasto with sand, broken glass, or foreign material added
Material: Materiality Brick or babel material Running brook book book rhizome rivulets Stick steppe vampire steak or stalk wheat stalk women threshing floor forest (regeneration, reproductions, returns, hydras, and medusas do not get us any further)
I regenerate as return experiment and I reproduce the tree I medusa unity or the one-two and not rhizomic multiplicity (a map and not a tracking) (I reduce map to tracing I project the trace as image and I worship it as icon)
I doubt I’ll ever write truly rhizomic but I doubt anyone can Multiplicity and rhizome realize – revenant – reinscribe – anarchy and flat ontologies I attempt a creative anticipation of realized and rhizomic anarchy I admit finally I adhere to some form of anarchism – if nothing else then at least a creative anarchism I anticipate a kingdom – an hauntological christian eschaton kingdom – a kingdom within you kingdom here nonhierarchical – the flat flutter and flatter – the very kingdom of gods and kingdom of heavens completely made kenotic: empty, poured out absolutely, this material material kingdom Kingdom matter element atom stuffs Fields fucked other earth body flat macrocosm compresses identical to microcosm I write anarchic kenosis and anarchic crucifixions (this Christianity haunts my ben bodies eternal but I hammer the ghosts flat)
Conversations About Wrestling With Writing
May I quickly tell you something I wrote in the Book, I say. Sure, says Asia. I wrote tonight, summarized: I am disconnected with myself. I can’t express my emotions plainly in writing. I have to quote and steal and misinterpret to express my feelings. I can’t love myself because its’ empty and disconnected and projects. Damn, that might be one of the rawest things I’ve seen you write, says Asia. It’s even uglier in long form, I say. I try quoting stuff to express my angst and commenting how dumb this all is… That leftist cooks video. One part talks about how it's good to be a mess. Harm and trying to make things right is messy. Society is dumb for wanting things clean and easy and quick forgiveness and restoration. But it's a mess. I feel like a mess to myself, but I realize I am prophesying to myself. You said I prophesy to the lost. I am the lost. I'm prophesying to myself. Yes, exactly right, says Asia. And by doing that you will prophesy to others, she says.
Reading your previous message, says Christina. That sounds like impostor syndrome. We all steal. Nothing is completely new. It’s all remixes. That's may not help you with your feelings but I promise you every creator before and after you has grappled with the same concept, says C. It’s a different thing though when I cannot express my own feelings in writing plainly, without being ironic or occult or mystical about it, I say. Are you afraid of feeling strong emotion or is it something else? says Christina. I think there’s two parts. One is feeling disconnected and out of touch with myself. The second is sincere expression of emotion that feels unliterary and unpoetic to me so it’s difficult for me to express in my usual medium of writing, I say. The good news is the first issue can be addressed immediately, says C. Maybe some more mindful actions during the day? More meditation? And I think the second one is connected. If you aren’t fully connected with yourself, then you’ll be out of practice writing with sincere emotional expression. With more practice, you’ll find ways to incorporate it in a more literary / poetic way. Do you mediate? No, I am unable to meditate. What if it’s guided? Only if it’s guided by your mom. (Christina laughs in response). It’s helpful for me, says C. It teaches me to take a little extra time before freaking out or moving on, she says. My brain broils with brackish bile and bone banjos, I say. It’s very difficult to still it. I will be honest – I don’t plan on working on it. It feels not good. I get the thought I could be creating something instead, I say. Sorry, didn’t want to be pushy about it. It’s just the only thing that works for me. The reason it’s hard for me is because I’ve always hated myself. I never wanted to be alone with myself, says C. You’re fine, I say. I also hate myself and don't want to be alone with myself, I say. GO FUCKING MEDITATE BEN, says C. I MEDITATE IN YOUR MOM'S GRAND CANYON VAGINA, I say.
I write restless naked / nonsense fuck
Low tilted window low quilted window
Attic arctic anvil Attic appetite archaic human Animal opposite window
Clumsy window widow Black widow ben bodies I build ben bodies top-down then ground-up I grapple ground grindcore Fuck ground but give bodies: bountiful bodies bouncing bodies Fuck time I arrange bodies and books out of order and out of time Bodies time of joint grand guinol / graboid gravel orgasm I organize bodies undifferentiated Undifferentiated now noun noise New noun noise nail gun name I discard all names and all texts and begin again I begin again imaginary immediately virtual
Each line a new mind (focus) Each line a new focus (flesh) I find flesh figure and flesh finger severed fine-toothed comb Comb jelly jolly rancher rivets and rhizomes Rhizome ravioli / pasta aporia (I write stupid shit like penne pasta palm tree garden)
Fuck this writing
(FUCK EVERYTHING ABOUT THIS) (Two beers in already feels like it’s one of those nights to forget The more I drink the more I feel broken and alone)
I quote the song Two Beers In by Free Throw because I lack my own languages / I blunder language obliteration Obliterations abomination of abominations avalanche ash I animate ugly ben bodies ben hinnom I animate the groundlings of my guts ugly overwhelming: word oubliette or Marquis De Sade Juliette I erase Marquis De Sade from any book text but Georges Bataille reinscribes it (my face flashes with blood bares red and obscene) An obscene oculus / mirrors gehenna hungry ghost: feral hog hauntology I hesitate hauntings but the ghosts persist Ghosts persist to repel ghosts
Fuck everything about this / the fuck names my own hands distractions Hands hacksaw shark tooth masturbations Bottle nose dolphin desert: bottle cap ejaculation Fuck my own concepts of literariness, obscure language, and the necessity for the poetic and metaphor I embody my musical dissonance and my cognitive dissonance and displace or project my fear of boredom through the imaginary and self-imposed constraints of my writing that only speak to a root experience and not a rhizome experiment Experiment ugly and write ugly
I share and summarize some writing sideshow thoughts with Christina:
I was thinking of the photography of Joel Peter-Witkin, I say. He is known for photographing those with deformities, dwarfism, and transsexuals and intersex, as well as corpses and cadavers, and his transgressive work has been accused of being exploitative by some. I think it’s beautiful but also a troublesome relationship there. Violet really likes his work. She said it’s definitely problematic to try make art on another group when you’re not part of it. She says she exploits herself for her art which is the best kind of art exploitation. It made me think though there’s always an exploitation element between artist and subject. I write you. I have your permission and consent. But I still use you even a little bit. There’s different levels of exploitation but I’m telling your story partly… Anyways I’m going to write about Violet more. She says she would love if I exploit her (her exact words) for my book. But it’s tricky, right? And a struggle. I’m going to get things wrong even if I try not to. But I think the only way to grow is to wrestle with it and learn and come out the other side… I’m thinking of tracing through the crucified body of Christ, the bodies of saints and martyrs, the bodies of beggars, the orphan, the widow, the bodies ignored and left in outer darkness by hierarchy and fundamentalism… A body that reveals our bodies as awe and horror, which is every body. They are also bodies under industrial revolution, under capital and exploited labor: same as all bodies… Not to reduce their bodies to that but to have a partial community with all our bodies, I say. I do appreciate the grapple, says Christina. And you’re running into the problem at its core. Do you have to write only your self? And I think the answer is no, so I think it leaves room for discussion for all other subjects, she says. What do you mean by discussion with other subjects? I say. I mean I don’t think it’s a hard no on writing other people, she says. Like it’s not necessarily exploitation. Maybe not, I say, but one has to be careful not to speak for them. I don’t think I speak for you in the book. Yeah, says C. It’s also not that you have free reign. You do what you’re doing now and if you mess it up, you fix it, she says. It would be funny if I spend all this time writing about wrestling writing about the sideshow and then never actually writing about it. It’s research! says C.
(Editing Note: I did indeed abandon the long-term project of writing about sideshows and those who participated in them, but perhaps I will return to it at a future time)
Vision and Mysticism 