I Dream Christina In Desert And Hospital

Ren room room sound Ren room room sound hound round hush Ren room octave room round sound body Ren room river river body stone room disappear Disappear chord room river dismember (each additional chord tone above the fundamental triad becomes frozen into the chordal wall) Ren room chord mass more room Ren room river residue

Write room ren room rest unroot more room (Room I work to or through the silence Silence simmers light spelled deficiently Room I work window quiet mending sheers I sample cell shear room meanders oxbow bulb book) (Book bulb tuber Taryn tunnels rhizome body sound Book clap hands body horror Body horror room for one more) Room for one more: How did you die Joseph? How did you die in this house? Why do you remain? THE CHANGELING Book change body spare change charge large marge malleable mangler I mangle room mangler body glitch liminal letters lights spelled deficiently Like lights leo letters smolders strange merger

Chord tone turn room: chord curve room torn tunnel Chord sword curve chaos turntable Chord sword swerves steppe sword river (The dimensions dismember The dimensions dismember The dimensions dismember anticipation Anticipation dimensions dismember desert duster dimensions)

Anticipation desert rhythm rhythm runner neighboring tone desert rhythm (neighboring tone desert rhythm neighboring tone / desert rhythm neighboring tone desert rhythm)

I dream desert this desert drifts dream I dream desert this room drifts desert shelter: shelter shoulder room more methodical written body

I dream doom desert dense dream I dream Christina in desert and hospital (I’m worried you’re dead and I’m not taking it well… I say. Good morning, says Christina. I’m back home. Not in my right mind yet. Please give time. I’m not well. I’m trying to get off pain meds. Everything hurts, says C. … Tell me about your day, she says. Try to understand if I can't respond well. I’ve missed you, she says. It’s been rough honestly, I say. I hope you don’t judge me harshly. I was worried you were dead. I would at times search your name in obituaries. And I thought selfishly: I thought, could I live with Christina? I want to die with her if she’s dead… I want to think I would die without you, but I think I would go on and I would hate it. I would go on with the biggest wound I have ever known and write over and over again in the Book. I would write my mourning until I finally died at 100, I say. No judgment, says Christina. Grief is so hard but I think you’re better off living to 100 with the hole. The would is better off too. Though I understand too, if it got too hard, she says)

Desert escape tone DESERT

Desert passing tone dimension

Endeavor, moreover, to introduce suspensions now in this voice, now in that, for it is incredible how grace the melody acquires by this means – and every note which has a special function is rendered audible thereby

Endeavor ever earth Endeavor sever earth eddy easter scuttles shelter suspension earth endeavor desert dream earth (Christina wounds earth body wolf whole body holes happenings) Endeavor earth shell search cell earth Earth sudden suspension and suspiria speed sulfur stereo / radon balloon body radio Radio earth rough sediment scan sulfer rhythm or species study (I sketch earth a dreaming dolphin I engrave earth desert dreaming and saddle stitch sand sing)

Leaves of grass glossolalia suspend station to station Station to station stunt shunt endeavor desert earth (Can I ask you something about your health? Sure, says Christina. Did they have to cut open your head? Kinda? Says C. I think? I have a shunt. I think it was a teeny tiny hole in my skull. Did they have to shave your hair? Yeah. It’s a small patch behind my ear. Apparently I told them to take it all like Britney, she says.) Suspension swing saturation saturation sideways Suspension swell beach wire or mot marsh mermaid dream

Desert escape tone Desert wire dream (the blood lust of a frenzied vampire THE BLOOD BEAST TERROR)

Desert escape tone DESERT Desert passing tone dimension dimension dandelion

All dimension drone nothing ben body NOTHING Allways always NOTHING Allways always-already NONE nothing nail gnaw negation Nail kneel enamel gnaw megalodon negation: negate gnosis

I Repeat Body Horror Ritual

content warning: some body horror imagery


Red nonroot rain rain     Red rock rain nonroot rain road rose     Red fray more harm grate plant frag revelation     Revelation of John jersey devil red rung red     Red reef Revelation of John her ethics gave way to her urges!  REGISTERED NYMPHS     Apocalypse reveals pornography: porno photo play revelation     Pono porno book of the seven seals     Revelation of John red robber / apocalypse of john assault and battery (cannot kill the battery)

ben body battery rob hobo hobbit hobo wit ha shot gun / ballad of the ball turret gunner     Red ben body the host was a steam host hobo with a shotgun high fantasy     Red shield rod rock raw real numbers / number narrate low nile annihilation     I write the numbers unwritten vowels     I write my body paper script document vowels unwritten

Vowels vision unwritten vision: unvoweled vision unwritten vowels rounded

I intercept vowel antinomian     Antinomies interrupt monad moment     Antimonies interrupt torture garden gods moments of symmetry

Vowel invoke antinomy /antinomian assymmetries     Vowel without all the tea clings up until now cap vowel mushroom cap ben body     Vowel without unwrite all the teachings up until now have been like that dog that kept vomiting then swallowing     I swallow vowels as vomit and stone steer red raptor (each transgression affirms the freedom of the individual from oppressive religions norms)

I repeat out line indefinitely as a fire ritual: I sit between the line two fires     I repeat the line indefinitely desert desert ritual red wilderness     Repetition rarefies and reveals red     Repetition reveals red apocalypse of john (the great red dragon and the woman clothed with the sun)     Repetition reveals friction fictions friction metafictions / metafiction trickster titrations

I repeat line indefinitely indefinite integral     Integral indefinite integral body horror experiments (the experiments included a wide array of studios, including feeding radioactive food to mentally disabled children or conscientious objectors, inserting radium rods into the noses of school children, deliberately releasing radioactive chemicals over US and Canadian cities, injecting pregnant women and babies with radioactive chemicals and irradiating the testicles of prison inmates, amongst other things)     My skull metals radioactive / cattle cranium crater     Skull skittles stone scone experiment I was a prisoner inside your skull     Skull anxious skewer experiments body engine idle ear sliced idiot     The imagined horror of the body hoplite mast hand the spectral horror of the body     I abandon bodies red shipwreck horrors

I repeat body horror ritual rough passage and its passages plant my body sphere packing     I repeat my body putrid red rot / torture garden gangrene graph grass horrific rhizome     My body aerobic bacteria oinks oxygen absurd aerobic horror (Linnea Quigley’s HORROR WORKOUT     See Linnea shape up the living dead through zomber-cise!  See sexy young girls die in a slumber party massacre workout!  The scariest exercise video ever made!)

Radiation exercise skull children of the atom     Skull radioactive ant colony calendar pin-up girls

Rapid radiation girl radio gaga repetitions rapid helix     My body skull bounce helix heat spiral speak hot ritual     Hot ritual not ritual body repeat helix: body helix repeat hilbert hotel

River ritual repeat ben body body torture: torture tendon Taryn river     Taryn run river red membrane ben body machine     Membrane rupture rhizome I swallow machine rivers     I swallow rivers river leviathan looser room argentinian backbreaker     I walk room my body loosens human skin river membrane     Walk room snake roundabout autobot rivers: river run walking ritual     I walk room rack argentinian backbreaker book end end repetition     Room repeats minimalism then post-minimalism     Room repeat room room walk body rack room     Room walk body rack room body delaminates looser desert rhizomes and the dimensions disappear (each additional chord tone above the fundamental triad becomes frozen into the chordal wall)

I write sounding planes and masses     I write sounding planes and masses which succeed, penetrate, and mingle with one another     I sound planes and masses planets meteors malleable human bodies     Sound planes planets punctured aporia / masses mellow minnow minims slow rhythms     Slow rhythm river runner: I walk rivers sound masses mutate mar matter matter mer microdurations     Microduration murmur microrhythm ribbon machine mention headstone body     Body rack headstone meteor pour beer Toma’s Grave     Headstone strum red stonehenge sternum body sawfish threshing floor     Headstone no floor fish flat monterey bay canyon

I feel my body canyon     I feel my body canyon slower: slow human sketches spider pebblers     My body caves canyon durable desert: body dura water desert star details     Star straw stray detailed bodies bodies dark desert

I dream desert durations durable space     I immerse space spare room rear window window work / work weird dream     Window work I work weird window word the whip of dreaming (I dream this writing wrestles me)     I wrestle writing null experiment nothing but then nothing needles creation ex nihlo     To let the experiment extend: extend space dream window wedding     To wed experiment word word wild word ever body horror     Experiment horrifies     Experiment horrifies body horror pornographic / my massacres male body     My body nude male messianic machine erotic (gradually the verb disappears and reappears: fog verb forge furnish) fire phantoms     Fire rolls-royce phantom ghost roly-poly     Roly-poly stop drop and roll renaissance polyphony     I wrestle window dressing writing dressed turkey Taryn cannibal

Quiet Word Awake With Quiet Word


I listen to Wandelweiser Concert (Pisaro, Frey, Beuger): Chamber Music with Accordion

Michael Pisaro [Michael Pisaro-Liu] (*1961):  Here 2/1 (1996)     accordion, flute

Jürg Frey (*1955):  (Unbetitelt) I (1990)     accordion, cello

Antoine Beuger (*1955): quite still and solitary (1995)     accordion, flute, cello, actress, dancer


I write the following about Wandelweiser on a Discord server:


Wandelweiser is a composer collective.  I would describe it as an aesthetic, a common origin(s) where the composers of Wandelweiser realized that John Cage (specifically compositions like 4’33’’ and his late Number Pieces) is not an ending but a beginning

It is a sensitive music about space, silence, the quiet

From a listening perspective, I feel these compositions have much in common with other aesthetic directly or indirectly influenced by John Cage:

Steve Roden’s lowercase music

Japan’s Onkyo scene

The electroacoustic improvisation (EAI) scene that developed during the late 1990s as a reaction to the fire and density of European free improvisation and free jazz, and pared the music radically and made improvisational statements sparse and weighty

I feel there’s a lot of overlap and interconnections between these

Michael Pisaro-Liu, who is a part of Wandelweiser and has worked with many EAI performers nad composers, wrote about its development here: [I provide a link to the Erstwords blog post, to a post entitled “Wandelweiser” written by Michael Pisaro-Liu circa 2009]


A future exploration: to play page space although I feel space anxious and troublesome (I feel the page window light horror vacui     I feel pleasure in the aesthetic of completely filled page no space but I also feel the creative need to continually rupture and contaminate my creative boundaries / open space space open ocean)

Sometimes I’d like to disappear     I would like to vanish and leave behind nothing eternal abyss     Abyss negative negation of negation the negative that absolutely negates nothing into nothing: nothing name number nada nada y pues nada

Here come the planes   They’re american planes   Smoking or not smoking?

I want to disappear and phase into buildings     Dimensions disappear except for desert

Does any of this writing matter, Amy?  My body ages or decays witches burnt at the stake

I think she chokes me in the chasm / do you have to open graves to find girls to fall in love with?

I disappear grave ghost geist grave god     god no walls no ceiling open grave: only parts of the corpse has been removed

I listen Wandelweiser Woman whistle wolf tones / ben body tilts desert leap look curious purple     I shard sparse space crystal corpse / he steps to the water and plunges in, making far more impression on his skull than on the lady

Skull scrape desert space     Skull scarab wilderness performance     Perform punch body skull blossom     Body bat burn cave grave

We know how fast we can go you’re all shook up aren’t you baby     I never trust anything – I just do it wanna try me     I work on this baby the same way, trying to get maximum performance

I prefer skull stacked as library books     Open grave glass ghost golgotha     Open grave god vertical gethsemane many skulls     Cave skull shopping mall more ben body / she chokes me in the chasm coil curl coil

I feel my tongue travel paralysis and my taste buds tingle strontium salts     Partial harmonics pink paralysis and you know my love will never fade away

I accumulate     I accumulate and collect texts and texts striptease immediate ekstasis and I give an nothing in reciprocation     I reciprocate nothing body hourglass figure     Golden ratio rat king desert nothing (nothing comes from nothing) (nothing comes from nothing and anything my name contacts, it annihilates complete completely – no photons, no lumens, no ladders)

Layers delaminate lamina or cancerous lamellar bone     Bone weaves hide digits of pi and euler’s constant Yahweh fucking with me     Yahweh fucks with me secret secret codes stud my body bone jut bone joined jagged / my body delaminates lateral forces     ben body delaminate drone directions and I examine examen lumbar vertebrae closely: microfissures fractal microfissures     ben body rupture raw rhizome rancid oil over oil     ben body trash bin bite buboe backdraft flesh flay oil over oil / frying pan pantonal cartoons     Cartoon nonchord tone   cartoon nonharmonic tone   cartoon embellishing tone     Cartoon cobalt accented nonchord   cartoon cabin in the woods unaccented nonchord tones   cartoon appoggiatura cataclysm     Cartoon rupture rhizome rhythm heathen

River cartoon torture rack ben membrane / ben membrane mine coal cartoon canary     River torture rack ben membrane wrestle lex luger the total package     I package pornography male human body     Nude male body body builder locker room rivers

I disappear into quiet: I disappear into silence     I quiet with word and the word vanishes ben hevel     My body dissipates this is where time becomes space: spirit word and word wandelweiser

I Repeat One Line Indefinitely

Cross city monochord Cross city monochord Christian bells and chimes Cross chime ladder climb claustrophobia: flesh phobia fire fast phoenix Fire fast flesh process: book as old as fire and water book as old as wire and woman Monochord chisel book Christina chimera: chimera char divine comedy (in space no one can eat ice cream… KILLER KLOWNS FROM OUTER SPACE they make aliens look like a circus) Cross circus cud chew monochrome machine learning (I machine learn black magic walker Christina temporary tattoos) Cross circus shell out circuit city / Christian scrapyard circulation

Cross cut sad cosmos kontakte: Christina kontakte saw circus cut the kids in half I touch monochord halves octopus octaves I touch monochord tortures tumbleweed harmony Tumbleweed word rest harmony machine wave wine memory

A typical ritual song practice: to repeat (often also to distort) the one line indefinitely or as song as the dance and ritual demand

Cross cosmos kontakte Christina: Christina comic corridor microphone strikes strikes alchemy Book alchemy contact microphone fuzz Christina full foam Fuzzy zips body harmony dance hum body horror Hum haste wave circus circular body horror (their wild beauty marked them for death by THE HAUNTED STRANGER) ben body dance ritual Jesus don’t want me for a sunbeam ben body dance strange monochord kontakte: I contact string division dance ritual desert deep dress I dress sex mess cosmic kontakte / little black dress distortions Cosmos drone crone king cobra Christina King Felix Christina klein bottle boils phoenix flutter flat flounder scoundrel I scramble scoundrel sprawl brawl scrawl and I continuously write the name Christina I scratch Christina Marie klein bottle grocery bag body (a two-dimensional representation of a klein bottle immersed in three-dimensional space) ben borderless body Christian body crack body horror (an entire town bathed in pulsing human blood! Brutal… evil… ghastly beyond belief! TWO THOUSAND MANIACS! Gruesomely stained in blood color!) Monochord mix two thousand maniacs mozart musics (a typical ritual song practice and I repeat to distort my body desert and body melody my body extends the line as human skin)

I prophesy ritual: I ritual prophecy I prophesy ritual rhizome rough rhythm repetition and I leave my improvisations young mountain jagged I improvise jagged juxtaposition / no erosion but earth erotic Erotic earth ice edit cave mouth many entrances

I can’t believe that’s still my email! says C. I use that shit in professional settings. Who really? Yes! I’ve used it as a talking point in interviews… for jobs I’ve gotten! People are so stupid, she says. Are you not stupid? I say. I included myself! says C. I’m people! Oh that makes me the only smart person left then, I say. What is your gospel? I ask C. Big Book, says Christina. I meant as a prophetess. Big Book! You’re like my AA friend, I say. He says if your big book is not falling apart you’re not trying. It’s literally changed my whole life, says C. Emotionally, spiritually, physically. I don’t think I would find it interesting, I say. Haha! The first time I read it, I was like “hard pass”. Now you’re part of a cult! I say. The Exegesis of Philip K. Dick and CG Jung’s Red Book and the Nag Hammadi Library changed me. Changed how? says C. Emotionally, spiritually, physically. I like books, I say. I like audio books now, says C. Heresy… HERESY. Go listen to podcasts about Justin Bieber and Kim Kardashian why don’t you. Sounds great! says C. I can’t do it – I have to interact with a book because I steal and write it. I can’t do that with an audio book. That part is annoying! says C. My twelve step stuff and poetry books I still ready physically. Why poetry do you read? Good question! I haven’t read anything in forever. You could read Atticus or Rupi Kaur. Or I could watch videos about Kim Kardashian, says C. How do you evaluate art, I say. Has to have good mouth feel. LIKE MY DICK. How would you know? Your mom told me. Hahahaha that was a good one, says Christina.

I typically talk to Christina daily but as of this writing, it has been almost five days since I have heard from her I feel worry and anxiety – Christina often has poor health and I fear she’s in the hospital or worse (I scour for any news – including entertaining morbid thoughts by seeing if her name appears in any local obituaries – nothing yet, thankfully) I don't know what I would do without Christina – continue to live and write without her, unfortunately

Oh wow! Cool it. You wanna start a rumble?

Writing rumble ramble Write rumble ramble tumble scramble: wrestle bodies Wrestle nude bodies say ben men (wrestle men wrestling say god grass gulf gall write river) I write time river / I wrestle male bodies I wrestle male god bodies sodom bottom angels

Oh wow! Cool it. You wanna start a rumble? (On that night, he arose and took his two wives, his two maidservants, and his eleven sons, and he crossed over the Jabbok ford. He took them and sent hem over the river, and he sent over that which was his. Jacob was left to his lonesome. A man wrestled with him until the break of dawn)

Rumble wrestle male maw dawn Rumble splash cymbal body clash body male likes with male Male likes with male gospel of mark and secret gospel of mark (In the evening the youth came to him, wearing nothing but a linen cloth over his naked body. He remained with him that right, for Jesus taught him the mystery of the kingdom of God) Evening ben rumble wear nothing evening remained with male Christ: son of man with son of man Son of Man with Son of Man Kingdom of God

I start a rumble slide human slime cross semen noumena Christina Christina cool swan cop clear car body: ben body Christina body cross naked ejaculation

I repeat one line indefinitely

I repeat one line indefinitely: in the beginning was the word and the word was god and the word was god

I repeat you wanna start a rumble indefinitely and god likes with god gun fun son of man serpent semen (I ingest rumble snake semen human slime stab rack of lamb land sound)

I repeat one line indefinitely in the beginning in the beginning was the word and the word abundant ben bodies I repeat ben unbound body ben the word was with god The word was with god Taryn torch woman abyss word Word bind Taryn abyss repeat I repeat one line indefinitely / ragged rhythm son of man nude flesh

Was the word was the word weird worship gay male body (I worship the Christ as the gay son of man and ben adam bisexual and bridegroom god homosexual) (Jerry mixed paint and passion in – ALL SHADES OF GAY)

I repeat one line indefinitely linear gospel gay god nonlinear gospels Nonlinear gospel gay ben golgotha loin adam (GAY BOY a probing look at the gay boys and the films which are made to satisfy their perverse hungers!) Nonlinear gospel alligator gay ben body anarchy

Oh wow! Cool it. Do you wanna start a rumble? Do you have to open graves to find girls to fall in love with?

I fall in love with Christina (I think what Asia is pointing to is a couple of things, I say to Christina. I’m hyper-fixated on very few friendships like hers and yours, while ignoring the impact and friends outside my core. I think she’s saying I have a larger world than that, and I am not alone at all, not even a little bit, I say. I’m glad she pointed that out, says C. Is that hard for you to believe? Yes. I often feel alone and I feel my impact on others is negative and they’d be better off without me. Are you able to accept her evidence to the contrary? says C. Maybe you need to be in more social situations so you can see it? Yeah, I think that’s correct, I say. Me and Asia have talked about before how I self isolate and cut off others. She asked, does that ever help? The answer is no. She said it’s OK not to be able to do it alone and I won’t be able to do it alone. I have a lot of resources and people who care alone me, I say. I fall into the same pit, says Christina. But literally every time I branch out I see the things Asia sees for you, says Christina.

I worry Christina self isolates and cuts everyone off I worry Christina cuts me off and she falls into the pit

Cranberry Christina fetch pit writhe word Word write rot resist rot but my body decays ben body decays anarchic spread inert earth earth ice earth Christian cranberry ben body gasp grasp…

Cranberry stations of the cross I work cross nomad writing / the typography dances crusade delirious Write cranberry cross witch's coven I work nomad coven Christina write rhizome / speed turns the point into the line I repeat one line indefinitely speed turns point into line lurk earth line urgent lamb of god who takes away the sins of the world I work water wheel waste land steer proceed die thaw throat attack underwater I work wheel water cranberry cross underwater / Christina swim mermaid valley of vision

Proceed pocket cross process book cranberry bog body / ben bastard river bank

Wear pocket cross underwater wear jungle program werejaguar Taryn werejaguar work jawbone killing / ben khora spider kenosis

Cranberry cross red shipwreck Red ship dip Christina rhubarb rhizome Christina rhumb line network walk wheel where Taryn werejaguar

Cranberry cross battery in the beginning (in the beginning Book: Christina and Ben) Book red shipwreck seaweed jungle program pocket process Book thaws ice seesaw glacier seer frozen body blue / ben body beers abyss underwater Red underwater witch witch werewolf: I thaw Book red return to curve I thaw Book Taryn taryn untime timber timbre theater jaguar détournement

Return curve carve shaking the pumpkin Snaking pine play pli selon pli pulverized who are the brain police Red shipwreck return curve prefer occur drip painting anarchic action

Red shipwreck retreats the line indefinitely nonlinear gospels and chaotic gospel Gospel chaos gown ben adam abyss: son of man gay gethsemane golgotha gehenna Gehenna bone gym gay god guts truss red hawk hut raven Ravenna gehenna: groan iron maiden gallop gospels Maximum iron ore meteor maiden gospels gallows gelatins

Single line links line wild cranberries Wild cranberries cusp cross wild woman Single lines link line image woman: wild woman cranberry Christina Wild Christina seer cranberry cedar greater complexity Cranberry develop wild desert word din waters: development dark clusters Development image clusters gaps in sequence Christina constellations

Single lines sequence stones Single lines stone sequenzas queer Christ rock Naked rock glue god body gay red: single lines stone sequenzas gash god vermilion Sequenzas gash gay vermilion veranda vision: vision several veronicas Vermilion veronica serpent vision further vermilion

Red fear move harm grate god Red god gesso bosom fresco blossom red flesh Red fear move fog flat flesh flukeworm wrath of god Wrath of god gay revelation of god robbery / apocalypse of john assault and battery

Revelation reveal red apartment apocalypse anarchic: anarchic grape line cluster cranberry line

I feel a lot – that’s OK I’ve been without medication and I feel much and I cry a lot The crying happens new: I cry different Cries emit sad orgasms or mapping women jouissance I want to stay without medication but without fucks me up (ben body fucks up fork skull mind molasses ben body belt bark breech sprouts compressed spinal column / body compact car crash fog cataracts egg eye lap yolk Yolk Yahweh gores eyes baal bull horns bull worms writhe red rot dawn of the living dead) Often I feel it were where into death Death stills body rot refreshing Death refreshes and I feel rot route nomad nectarine tumor rampage I cry holy holly wholly human holes Holes fall through no medium but luminferous aether / faster cigarette fire

I Grow Cranberries

content warning: discussion of suicidal ideation, emotional abuse


I assemble ambulance blues     I assemble bell blur ambulance blue microcosm: microcosm multiple monoliths assemblages     Assemblages ambulances amulets: amulets anarchies monoliths

I assemble microcosm psychedelic soul gospel of mark / middle mark middle     Middle mark middle book assemblage from the outside     Assemblage anchors alphabets proportions: porous proportions ambulance panic     Porous proportion plateau a single uninterrupted sentence: flow children of men     Flow walking pauses son of man straggling and forward rushes     Rushes assemblages rhizomes: rush rhizome desert discharge

I prophesy proportions: proportion prophecies porous open ephphrata     Plain porous pours open ephphrata: ephphrata emphatic flesh     Prophesy open process / transparent text taryn     Transparent text triangle taryn till triangulation     Triangulation transmigration of psychedelic souls salt funk flesh sleet-snow sound

I prophesy proportion performance perform proportions flat ratio     Flat ratio radio rhizome riddle     I perform sequence of tones sequence of texts laboratory prophecy     I prophecy proportion open process landscape texts text dreaming  

Texts processes process play text microlith microcosm     Microcosm collect cool jazz proportions     Microcosm collect coral khora texts text ton kenotic empty     Text process empty earthwork performance

I perform texts as process musics music systems (pendulum music for microphones, amplifiers, speakers, and performers)     I perform text as little black dress (black givenchy dress of Audrey Hepburn   black dress of Rita Hayworth)

I perform texts musics rainfalls Book     Book observe vibrate window process     Book well elbow oxbow window process: process performance prophecy     Book body proportions scratch rapt engrave jello earth     Proportions bay jelly body rita black dress divine comedy proportion     Divine comedy circulates strange cricket count down desert

Tone sequence simultaneous drones Book

Tone sequence simultaneous bone black dress body process     I obsess process body text Book: Book bone body process bay jelly     Tone improvises text: text time lye leviathan lipstick    Text lipstick leviathan lodestone stereo     Lion lush light loop lodestone green lion     Lion lift light lodestone loop lester leaps in     Lester leaps in Yahweh loop lapis: porous load lap dance

I can’t argue with you, says Christina.  I started having suicidal thoughts on Mother’s day.  I will piss in your coffin if you off yourself, I say.  IN the coffin ON your body.  I will cause a ruckus.  What would I care?  Go to town.  You’ll care because no one will be talking about you but about me, I say.  Think about your fragile big ego!

Argument augments book body modification     Sometimes the suicide swims river rapid ran sentinel     Suicide swims son of man mop mannequin

Stuck here     Stuck here hole open hell     Divine Comedy second round of the seventh circle wood of suicides     Stuck now here wood of suicides soft syrup spirit     Soft chainsaw swim angle grinder argument     Writing Book thwarts suicide suicides: corpus christi compulsive graphomania     Corpus christi repetitive and painstaking concentric lines: body odd of slant an obsession with filling every centimeter of white space     (Christina stays alive a long time – I do too we never die)

The monochord – the internal principle, the center of the whole – brings about the harmony of life in the cosmos

Cosmos kontakte contact microphone phonographs     Cosmos kontakte king cobra king felix flutter klein bottle protean     Klein bottle protein folding freak flutter or fire varieties     Krystal klein climb tree bottle book cinema     Ben body fire varieties video home cassette loop quartz

Cranberry fetch cambrian explosion electrical impedance     Cranberry body ghost gulf fuck fluxus / unfinished fact flamingo     I feel for something here here swim orange ocean ox surface     Cranberry tongue body burns ben cave mouth     My mouth millworm language: language millipede local maximum (how this phoneme feels flush to my body or within body / tongue tent taryn text) (tongue tilde porous skin pilcorp)

Cranberry body piccolo: guitar pick plucked guts     Cranberry blink bird bit ben tree

It would have been hard to justify continuing the relationship with you with the kind of things you’d say and do, says Christina.  Lots of hostage holding.  Hostage holding?  Like, talk to me or I’ll kill myself.  Oh jeez, how the heck do I still have friends?! I say.  But at the present, I’m grateful for our relationship, says C.  We didn’t have the tools we needed to be good friends to each other.  I don’t assign blame to you – or myself!  – for being bad at being friends.  I didn’t have the ability to be a good friend.  Holding me hostage was successful and it was the only way you knew to get your needs met.  More recently, it’s unsuccessful.  I don’t engage.  And you've found more adaptive ways to get your needs met.  We’re learning and growing! says Christina.

I grow cranberries in acidic moss throughout the cooler regions of the Northern Hemisphere

Cranberry grow god language

When Languages Breaks Down A Little Bit

(A Book of Visions     A Book of Voices     A Book of Extensions     A Book of Performances     A Flexible Book     A Book folds over Book     A flat Book     A Book repetition rhizome     A Book rivers X rivers unrobe rhizome)

To live writes to dream: to dream writes to live     I write from a very complex dream to a very simple dream (I saw in a dream that all was erased, just as when one writes on paper then spills ink on it, so everything must be blotted out… Until every Kingdom becomes turned upside-down) (the tree of life upside-down)

I write from a very complex dream to a very simple dream dress dust dragonflies (And if he left off dreaming about you, where do you suppose you’d be?)

In dream the name of God reveals the tier     The name of God opens dragonfly vision the Hyena and the Jaguar (Taryn Tiger     Taryn Hyena     Taryn Jaguar)

I write Book motherfucker cocksucker and my big balls crash walls inside hollows: hollow road hidden tome and secret codex

I write Book motherfucker cocksucker and my big balls bash walls inside hollows: road halo hidden time thighs codex     Codex castle dragon flies film porno tome and tomb (According to Talbot:  It took me a long time to get productive because we didn’t know what the fuck we were doing at all, we were fucking terrible for a long time…) (I was fucking terrible for a long time and I still make terrible     I feel long click cicada incoherence / desert dragonfly docoherence and I don’t make anything cohere caked clam bake gorilla glam) (I can't post with all these paranoid photographers around me and I model manic mimeographic mother love bone beetles)

(The Book bore Bomb) (The Book bore a big fucking bomb and a big fucking sun 9000 over 9000) (The Book colossus clean machine monster monomyth: monomyth miss monster monogamous bridal chamber curves polyamorous corpus hypercubus     I mosh monomyth     I march monomyth punk pit and I gnash monster mash mallets: (re)mixture and re(ad)mixture) (The Anglican Communion fucks with the object and Book between bricoleur stillbirth offspring / partial depths big dig black oil dinosaurs)

Always on guard, I devote every minute and module of my life to decoding the modulation of things

Vista latter aria

Vista latter aria Taryn air

Later aria Taryn air long latex / monster mash mascara

Once upon a time not looking for any thing, Taryn air collect breath collection

The kids are lined up in the hallway before class starts, says Asia, and one of them looks at me and said, What if I just swung at you?  (He jokes around about wanting to fight me all the time).  And I said, You better knock me out if you do, knock me out for the whole day.  He just laughed and said, Alright, I’ll knock you out and then come wake up when it’s time to go home… Then later he said, You should write me up, and I just look at him say in a serious tone, you DID threaten a teacher.  And he legit looked scared and was like,  I WAS JOKING PLEASE DON’T WRITE ME UP.  I was like dude, calm down, says Asia.

When language breaks down a little bit, it becomes exciting

Book dragonfly road experiment: Book rain collection     Collection collection taryn hyena swung big fucking gun     Book collect whatever the fuck / cocksucker motherfucker faction collection

Swung swimming pool punch always or shard guard old I devote     I devote punch palm tree garden no gud gut gore dragonfly     I devote dance ben bonefire fun fan punch swung free jazz

Shimmer swung gnosis knockout     Knockout name of God reveals tiger tophat hangar Taryn: Taryn terrifies Yahweh fear of Yahweh

Once upon a time not looking for any thing but thing travel punch excess conversation or collection    Excess experiment knockout collection     Collect knockout kaleidoscope mothlight cave mouth     Mouth mouth vida later aria

Perfect rhyme to some all cars kept in doors     Car road in door dark body dance satellite dish

Book stares solar anus     Book stares solar anus sun lottery and I write excesses and excrements     I experiment shit and I too photograph paint body fluid piss christ     Book plasters gonzo journalism jerk pornography     Book pack peel-ply carbon fiber flesh: flesh gut gonzo journalism     Pelvis penis pin pornography     Book piss gonzo porno same money shot – same mustard seed – I cum fig tree Christ curse and wither

(Photograph of Ornette Coleman playing alto saxophone)

Ornette Coleman, the man who shaped jazz to come himself / the shape of jazz to come   the shape of punk to come   (my shape of writing to come)

Cranberry fetch write rot     Cranberry dragonfly with corpse fetch for flesh four     Corpse candle cranberry body without organs ben bonfire     Organ orgasm bonfire pitchfork: fork fight punch lunch pail     Fork fight punch pulse: punch pinch piss pink     Pink piss Christ cranberry

Cranberry fetch flesh fit the flea (mark but this flea, and mark in this, how little that which though denies me is…)     Cranberry body abandon bone benjamin Christina abandon…

I don’t read literature anymore – I only read quotations, soundbites, summaries     I recycle, repeat, and regurgitate gut clip newspaper text text stomach scissor     Stomach scissor print lymph sonata book pinata     My attention span refuses the full movie and shark short story     I sometimes read the Zohar or Nag Hammadi Codex but slowly snow in water outside contaminates     Outside erases text between text now text through text benjamin fucks Christina     Text tongue text untier Tetragrammaton tiger fuck taryn / pornographic palimpsests

Cranberry burn bird ben bone: ben language hip herd bird hell     Cranberry sauce / sugarplum fairy (when language begins to break down a little bit, it becomes exciting)

Cranberry body fetch flesh fast writhe rot: rot write receive     I receive grease kill silver vision     I receive orange juice vision dust pick shop lemonade red     I read red raven text     Red sea of reeds cranberry ribosome     Red thaws snow corpses     Shop red lemonade red light thaw snow corpses     Red light postwreck purple speak waste     Waste wheel steer proceeds die thaw amber body     Thaw red ben body amber: amber punch swung ring around the rosy     Red ring round the rosy: rosy gross rosy crucifixion (if we go for a walk it will make you  rosy   it will make you a rosy bride   a rosy bride like her – like her – like her)

The Road To Excess Leads To The Palace Of Wisdom

The road to excess leads to the palace of wisdom

The road to excess leads to the palace of wisdom     The road to excess leads to the palace of wisdom     Road rob rob ray ram ran road: road excess excesses     Road ray ray rask vision excess / rays rascal sexy redhead and the devil’s kiss     Ray saying sewing swing ray radian rabbit     Radius rabid rabbit Ray rush ray     Road circle spiral spill radiation: spill radio excess road runoff

The road to excess examine exceed experiment     Experiment immediate inside road rough rhythm: road rhythm symptom / let the rhythm hit’ em

What road rewrites road     Interest insects excess road rewrite road     What road: road word     Road word logos and legion / legion logia     I meet moth wing excess: excessive road experiment     I meerkat kat marimba free jazz excess or excessive force excessive writing

(excessive writing: I push the sounds around too much)

I push road ramp damp dawn runoff: run off over subterranean rain     Over rain road rampage: rain pour renegades of funk

I write excess earth free jazz jubilee or road orgiastic death n’ roll rain runover     Rain runover riot runoff

I write secret earth excess mass mess liturgical light: light ray rain road circular ruins door hinge     Write rain door hinge cellar door: cellar door dance desert languages     Language lean light rain rain rhythm: free rhythm free jazz earth experiment     Jazz experience jubilee experiment christ mass ouroboros     Christ mass chiaroscuro ouroboros obscure christmas light soft round monument     Mound monolith monument mountain mothlight excite     (mothlight excitebike body without organs) (mothlight monolith excess body organs orgasms)

Road unorder rain ornate ouroboros     Road observer rain ouroboros baroque behemoth

Road ratio rhizome rain rain multiples     Road multiples rain rain ruin body: body bock boulder black pigment pinetar     (These things occur to me not from the root up but rather from somewhere in the middle: it begins to grow only from their middle)

Middle road ratio midway word woman: woman middle arcade road cascades     The road to excess mine earth middle middle Krystal canopy     Krystal bridal canopy shekinah shakers middle rain sneakers     (rain sneak space supersoaker) (slower road rain middle multiples)

Wisdom tins minds word graffiti woman     Wisdom worships woman middle word word make     I make rain and road middle body excess     Word wisdom window rains through my body awake wake voice rain     Word wisdom wisdom window wake woman ben body bonfire     Word winnow wisdom threshing floor fire woman / ben body burn venom     Venom road vista vulcan woman vulcan vision: vision middle bodies     Venom vigor gods giallo     god giallo genital gore table of generations     god gore graphic porno excess (ORGY OF THE DEAD   Come… let me take you in my golden arms!  In gorgeous astravision and shocking sexicolor with Criswell and a bevy of beautiful girls!  For adults only!)

Road fun from rear rhizome no god neon     god giallo neon road bauble blown glass body     Blown glass giallo juggles body desert dragonfly     Road risk middle a dragonfly for each corpse     Dragonfly fire middle gorgon goblet     Dragonfly road round wing skin email scams     Grand guinol dragonfly neon wall hall flag physics     Physics physique scams skin oral torah     Oral Torah outside middle where subterranean (Book as assemble with the outside)

Outside dragonfly sum subterranean streetly strata     Strata middle street photography: gory hagiographies bloodstained shadow     Gory giallo hagiographies witch only blackness     Only blackness dragonfly in the folds of the flesh

Slow Transformation Of Spirals

I assemble antinomies     Antipodes assemble antimonies assemble texts contradictions     Assemble anarchic ahead open allow agon open body     Agon open body text anarchic agon archetype     Agon open air body aerated ether theater microcosm    ben body airs taryn aether Yahweh of armies army eva anarchy     Eva anarchic excavate spiral jetty body     Spiral jetty enjambs body jaw jazz     Jaw jam jazz body jinx text: I assemble text     I assemble text texts naked eye observatory     I observe text odd texts tunnel name     Taryn name tunnel syntax

Taryn text name tunnel microcosm: microcosm macrocosm antipode proportions     Antipode proportions porous actions: act Taryn     Act syntax Taryn microcosm macrocosm text chasm

Assemble texts process choil coil chasm: Taryn chasm   cobweb turtleneck

I process texts musics: musics divine comedies musics ominous odyssey (Flowing rhythmically through the spheres, an Egyptian serpent of the ‘life-force’     Its three heads represent the divine trinity in the three dimensions of space and three aspects of time)     I process three heads three hells trinities divinities virginities leviathans

Musics movies moments momentums: momentums microcosms macrocosms     Musics museums serpents repetitions labyrinths: labyrinth lighthouse sous hauntologies     Musics marteau sans maitre maloveolent body hammer / microcosm desert delirium     Musics body drink delirium desert delight near-sighted     Near-sighted name music triangle hangnail tetragrammaton

Three heads table: heads table salt steppe steam monsoon     Three heads gorilla monsoon a clothesline and a beauty

Three heads texts talk therapy topology

Three tea text turpentine / I thin texts with human bodies     I thin texts hands heads hells: three seed black tea theater     I string three heads to make a necklace, neck lace blood and black lace     Lace light moth wing whip and the body: body air body text syntax fuck

Three time free space: this is where time becomes space     Three time table turtle salt turtleneck neck blood and black lace / lap dance lacerations     Three head necklace laceration immolation

I experience human more essential than divine     Human crane compass:     human crane compass outscrop tower trace of divine     Human hit compass edge ledge three hundred traces Yahweh     I hang human hold shoulder smother starfish gods: human starfish burned big dipper     I human harsh noise delirium nail gun     I string sound three heads dismembered god heads     god heads decapitations heretics     Heretic thistle whistle wall wedge shred     Shredded wheat head woman     Wail wing space spring woman     Spring space word time three woman     My hands distract pilot space

I experience space written scissor     I experience space human spider     I listen carefully or not so carefully to Morton Feldman’s For Bunita Marcus and I attempt to learn the space repetition ribbon riptide repents space     Space repeats spike space repetition rich speed     Speed variety spirit spike irregular repetition (I learn from Morton Feldman’s irregular repetition field repeats and I tend to treat the page as field)

I experience human repetition repeat bodies file figure shadow     I experience human fat candle corpse: corpse catacomb contact gotterdamarung     Corpse clear code cryptid an exquisite corpse     I experience human exquisite corpse languages: liquid language body animations lawnmower medicine     Lawnmower corpse cartoons     Corpse cigarette carton no coffin but alphabets / animal alphabet bonfire my bones     Anarchic bone corpse animates ben segment ben boustrophedon writing corpse     I experience writing couple: ben body without organs

I experience human body without organs     I experiment body without organs not schizoanalysis but sound sculpture     Sound sculpt son of man bog skeleton     ben bog sound slough leaf bread loaf lac: blood and black lace bread loaf necklaces

Human height hitch towers tack trace t rack Yahweh saddle sabaoth     I sabotage sabaoth sabbath serpent sabbatai sevi     I experiment more middle human rhythm     Human rhythm middle rhythm (How does one translate the glissando into written form:  PURE CONTINUOUS SOUNDSCAPES… Glissandi means the reader has more freedom to interpret the text… Glissandi grapples god wrestle writing no order for noun phrase fraggle rock fragment     Glissando grapple gungen god wrestle knots

(Use scriptio continua     Scriptio scriptura scripa continua with ambiguous word pairings:  compare Philip K. Dick’s ruminations on NOWHERE as either NO WHERE or NOW HERE) (I abandon the glissando and scriptio continua without starting but I make not for future ben)

I process texts as musics music myths math rhythm: rhythm divine comedy comics cork comedies     Process pause poke peak sneak sprint serpent: spring sprint serpent surf three heads     I surf three heads hop chop children of men     I surf serpent salt salmon shard process (time lime lye leviathan lipstick     lipstick leviathan lodestone stereo     stereo radio radon surf)

Lime lion lodestone leviathan lester leaps in Yahweh

Lion lurch search light lye lester leaps in immediate intervals

Research more sound poetry     Research more fire firstborn     Fray firstborn fires in fires     Flay firstborn set fire to the face on fire     Fresh firstborn faces fires smoke smog burning flesh fragrances     I write the Book research and I write the Book firstborn human experience experiment

I write the Book     I write the Book motherfucker     I write Book motherfucker cocksucker and you: you are the one who writes and the one who is written     I write Book motherfucker cocksucker and the coocoo clock cocoa composes bird symphonies     Bird symphonies bird cantatas bird cages eight songs for a mad king     Ben eight songs for a mad king you are the one who writes and the one who is written (I don’t know what it means for my body to be written except perhaps Yahweh dips my body     John the Dipper – benjamin a queer quill – into magenta hell magick)     Yahweh makes marks with my skull mining millipede orange charcoal cough


I liked it, says Asia.  I liked how lyrical it was, how it kept referencing music.  I like the touch of body horror.  I would have liked to see a change in tempo or something that was a change in pace to ground it, she says.  I’m surprised you like it because it’s not as cohesive as the other it’s not as cohesive and the other excerpts I have sent you recently.  I feel like I was trying something.  I was in fact trying to unground the language since you mention the ground.  Like pushing it towards an abstraction where it groups up in clusters and constellations or clothed blood cells rather than through another means, I say.  What if you started a piece like that slowly with long sentences then let it disintegrate into the abstract and then bring it back, says Asia.  Like an ebb and flow, she says.  That's an idea, I say.  I think one thing I do is it takes me a long time to adapt to new techniques, so I forget them and then try them again when I remember.  So it’s kind of funny when a new technique gets introduced multiple times over a long time span.  This excerpt made me think of some things I’m trying to do now, like those ugly body / burlesque lines I sent you yesterday… This is what one friend said:  

"I thought it was great, liked a lot of the uncharacteristic comparisons / groupings like:  Genetically modified ouroboros bar funk lemon-flavored baguettes’.  Also after another re-read, really noticing the punctuation usage and how it fits into the reading (like how subconsciously I hear anything in parentheses in a different voice/tone.”

My friend Violet said:

"I think you're becoming limited with the medium you chose.  Like one string of words in a standard typeset and only one typeface and size and weight.  I think that you can capture it a lot more resoundly if you expanded the medium a bit.  Maybe adding variable weight to just start"

I thought that was an interesting comment – to explore the medium (font, boldness, size) rather than change the content – to let the medium change to support the content rather than the other way around.  I agree, says Asia, though I think you can do a lot with just sentence lengths.  I’m not sure about using a bunch of fonts though.  Yeah, I’m reluctant to explore that, I say.  I told Violet I really like the idea of manipulating the medium but only until I reached the very limit of what I am currently doing.  But if I get stuck, I want to try focusing on the medium.  Obviously there’s a risk of dramatically reducing readability with messing with fonts… I had an idea when you were talking about sentence lengths.  What are your thoughts on spirals?  I say.  Depends – elaborate and I’ll tell you what I think, says Asia.  I’m thinking literal mathematical spirals, I say.  You suggested one long sentence, disintegrating it slowly and then reconstructing it and it made me think of a spiral like this [Fermat’s Spiral].  I was thinking of another type of sentence structure of alternating long and short sentence structures slowly changing over time, the longest ones becoming shorter and the shorter ones becoming longer.  I like that idea, says Asia. 

So for example:

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Let’s say I have alternating long and short sentences like that and they slowly transform into their opposition over the page:

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It makes me think of transforming concentric circles or spirals.  This would take a lot of planning.  I will probably do multiple things at once like I always do, but I appreciate your feedback.  I want to add to my toolkit.  I want more tools I’m fluent in.  I still want to play with expressing my emotions like you suggested – writing metacommentaries – using our conversations as jumping off points and anchors – exploring music and other books.  I have to keep surprising you, you know.  Have you find new shelves in your thrift store...  I feel like I’m either writing the best stuff in the world or I write worthless shit… Your critiques give me a move evidence-based confidence in my art because you’re picky about writing, I say.  It helps I think you don’t write narrative, because then all I have left is the feel of the words, says Asia.  I do think you are right about the piece being very abstract.  Like I said, I would have liked for there to have been something to bring it to earth a little, says Asia.  More bones?  An Asia conversation?  Also I’m glad you appreciated the horror imagery.  I think it goes well with some of your current themes and emotions, says Asia.  In the passage the violence was being done to yourself by yourself I think it fit well.  I’m not feeling good about my body, I say.  I know.  I do feel much of the horror is self-directed – even if it’s outside of me ti always comes back to me.  Like the misogyny passages are ultimately my misogyny, I say.

Everything Is A Cipher

I start with text an text any     Start with text any with as text wheels scripture     Text wheels scripture all whirlwind the the toy whip of human body     Human body whip scorpion tail text     Tail text Taryn I write text old and new (The Book as old as fire and water)     Untamed text tentacles Taryn marriage of heaven and hell hydra:

Here is a film that I made out of deep grief

Film flesh film flesh (they were young and lovely enough for anything REFORMATORY GIRLS)

Film flesh flash shutter forty fifty     Flesh film flatted fifth bebop bodies nude beach bathers     Film full unfixed: fixed unfixed flesh     Fixed window unfixed ben woman: woman cinema mouth pornography     Woman pornography motorcycle swim film (visions of you on a motorcycle drive by the cigarette ash flies in your eyes and you don’t mind)

I film ben body body grieving gods     Film fire fight god gloves off oozes syntactic motor oil monsters     Film fight fire fish scale cat scan catholic cancer (fight fire with fire ending is near)

Film frame full god forth unfixed: unfixed eye unfixed flesh fire fresco / I make cinema a mausoleum and then an empty tomb     I make cinema return of the living dead valley of the drums sum disasters     Valley of the drums diffused dead cancer alley archaic human skull male bull bowl open body     I film body open god begotten     I film body feline flat circle nervous system     System film fathom frigid Taryn tundras     System film flesh system of a down dreams are made winding through her hair

In this film, I read Frank O’Hara’s The Day Lady Died and it’s daily details film my body beatrice beetles baphomet infernos     I intend to copy Frank O’Hara and improvise ben body machine body mundane mechanisms this personal inferno and purgatory (Usually when you write how you feel, it’s a bit disconnected, says Asia, but this one doesn’t come across that way.  I love the bit about feeling lukewarm, spit from the mouth of Christ, says Asia).

I grieve tree graft graphomania and I film world tree / the tree of life upside down     I film fender stratocaster upside down all long the watchtower tin whistle Taryn     Tin whistle war Taryn the long and winding road     Thin tin Taryn twin tar thunder tundra / timeless cigarettes     Time cigar cigarettes film the only emperor is the emperor of ice cream

Film forage forest body funnel feline grief: cat Christina squeezes cat people jump scare bus stop fiesta fungus     Ben body fleet film fungus these crazy moths fly into the candlelight and burn themselves to death and the burning happens to me     Ben burns other otre ent cert saw body

I assemble film bodies     I assemble film body grotesque David Cronenberg’s The Fly     Assemble body slime spy body transmigration of the souls as pod teleportation     Assemble body Milton Bradley’s Battleship shotgun god face-to-face blood surfaces (They craved flesh with a hunger!  BLOOD LUST   plus     See it – feel it – taste it   Once you have had it you will never be the same!!!  BLOOD MANIA   it’s a deadly nightmare!)     Blood matrix muscle muscle spasm mortar landmine assemblage

Body body assemblage assemblage blood metric     Blood melody midway metric camp blood     Blood melody midway metric camp blood     Blood melody mosaic midway blood soap strop sud bubble assemblage

I assemble microcosmic soul and macrocosmic universe according to ideal proportions expressed in sequence of tones     Sequence of tones sequence of towers     Taryn eschaton escher sequenzas

I assemble texts process musics blood melody: musics divine comedies cyclops ominous odysseys (flowing rhythmically through the sphere, an Egyptian serpent of the life-force     Its three hinds represent the divine trinity in the three dimensions of space and the three aspects of time)

Texts process time three Taryn future flesh shade time slices fanzine faux frankenstein (no one who saw it lived to describe it!  THE CURSE OF FRANKENSTEIN)

Text turn taryn talk tin tint three time: time times point time process     Process film text moth mix figure with meat more process     Process more text texts process musics     I music text blood manic blood     I music text lust blood bard medea: medusa blood gorgon gods guts gas pigment     Gas siphon gas gangrene text pigment (State of decomposition, depicted in full gory detail.  The boyfriend of Sorg’s newest model becomes suspicious of the artist and worries that his girlfriend might end up as a painting.  Horror fans will love the satiric approach H. G. Lewis takes with COLOR ME BLOOD RED.  The acts of violence, although graphic and shocking in nature, and treated so lightly by the artist, that the entire film takes on a slight feeling of comedy)

Color collect body body blood comedy     Color television collect assemble body play color comedy     Color film technicolor collect body riverbank body chisel channel     Channel chisel the blood proportions pencil graphite gear flesh     Channel body cannery row rabbit body night of the lepus     Lepus leap year Yahweh improvisations     Yod dark blood bath I bath color other yod body     Yod Hay body heat sheet proportions

Proportion blood text tart taryn ramp music     Ramp amp music archaic human (I conflate the penis and breast into a biomorphic skull ben with taryn text tumors)

Body proportion machine man woman blood word     I color text male mural most machine malchut: text mural gospel of mark     Mark muscle matrix gospel god color me blood red / Yahweh drenched in crimson color

She reminds me of the body composed of sinew muscle blood: color me blood red god texts tuning film     Tune film just intonation photographs

Here is a film that I made cut of deep grief deep blood     I grieve blood film color scratches onto film: film into onto blood mud     Film free blood grief body gesture     I gesture grief film action painting photograph surrealisms

Here film hare hair: dreams made winding through her hair

Here film somewhat flattened / steamroll flathead film flesh screwdriver     Screwdriver tusk taryn task tangent and contingent     Contingent continental drift less dress color     Nude color long legs less dress film

Here film frog gothic cathedral moth     Film frog here cedar sneak tea Taryn pornographic film fear street insects (Some have accused me of purple prose.  I remember that one guy who asked you if you were doing automatic writing.  That was me!  But like, articulate this to me:  Explicit photographs of wondrous sharks my skull centering midnights     My skull spills dark     My skull splits dark oil spill radio crackles down my face…     It means what it says.  This is very real though: I feel melancholy and nostalgic.  I often feel flat and embarrassed to express my own emotions in writing and so I endless quote and copy other texts… It is real.  I write the true rhyme and rhythm.  I prophesy deep time deep body deep geology)

Here film flies buzzing around my and vultures circling the dead     Here film here now unneat noise     Noise spills film fierce fans grief     Nonlinear film nonlinear grief grab god

I paint my body horizontal blood blood band width which word     Width witch rowed wall drawing     I draw wall blood body horizontal skeleton skeleton annunciation     Annunciation annihilation gnostic horizontal: horizon gospel gills gullwing car door     Door horizontal blood desert     I paint my body film material strip strip double exposure son of man: son of man nuclear skeleton

All is the same nothing is the same

I make light of matter

In these very rare cases, the patient imagines that everything happening around him is a veiled reference to his personality and existence.  He excludes real people from the conspiracy, because he considers himself to be much more intelligent than other men.  Phenomenal nature shadows him where he goes.  Clouds in the staring sky transmit to each other, by means of slow signs incredibly detailed information regarding him.  His inmost thoughts are discussed at nightfall, in manual alphabet, by darkly gesticulating trees.  Pebbles or stains or sunflecks form patterns representing in some awful way, messages that he must intercept.  Everything is a cipher and of everything he is the theme.

I adore the short story “Signs and Symbols” by Vladimir Nabokov and this passage in particular (which I have quoted in portions before)    I feel too experience a sort of referential mania or paranoid ideas of reference: I think I’d be incapable of my highly association word conglomerations-constellations-aggregates     I aggregate word language I’m an aerostar I’m a cutlass supreme     I sign human skin sleek snow then deep red     Deep red delusions of reference / ideas of reference idee fixe light fixtures     Light fixture forest furniture     I sign human signature son of man wild memory sound     Mercury museum mausoleum site-specific installations idee fixe     Symbol idee fixe gospel symphonie fantastique    Fiberglass bloodlust monomania / ben body idea fixe unfixed cloud cryptograms    Unfixed cloud of unknowing cryptogram (every single idee fixe but expression of a deeply deranged psychic individuality and probably an indicator of an incipient form of mania)

Everything is a cipher: Jesus Christ transforms KING FELIX transforms Christina Marie

Everything is a cipher: flesh cipher surface cipher soft flesh flow softcore earth pornography     Cipher soft flesh egg sign stations of the cross conspiracies / Christina catacombs crucify my ben flesh flesh cut god copulation     Christ cut copulate earth erection rough     Flesh cut rough crispy chicken skin

Everything is a cipher: cinema mach cipher mockingbird    Cinema mockingbird referential mania dandelion wine machines     Machine mania body dandelion neumes / cut human skin solfege    My referential mania mimics butterfly wings open hi-hats     Slow cinema my mind shutters shell scrape inscape color me blood red    Ben blood corpuscles creep crepe flatiron body: body cast iron action    Action blood lust blood mania    Slow cinema stutter skull soft sofa flesh cipher     Cipher cinema slow groove funk god mutant disco

When language breaks down a bit, it becomes exciting

My referential mania continues machine the very air I exhale indexed and filed away

All in the same nothing is the same

These crazy moths are flying into the candlelight and burning themselves to death, and that’s what's happening to her

Moth money shot     Moth mouth money shot Aglossa cuprina ingests great produced by the bacteria that feed on decaying matter     Ben body moth mouth movie a highly polyphagus pest

I let the light burn     I let light burn my mouth moth bloody     Blood burns light bringing in the sheaves     Sheave slight skin signs gethsemane     Sheave symbols white-lined sphinx sar salt saw shape sign

I’m feeling the full horror of some kind of immolation     Minimal immolation maximal crucifixion     Repeat minimal marsh space moth light: light lights leak leek lure     Lure moon minimal moth saint maud immolation (I’m interested in complexity but not confusion)     I feel several horrors: complex horror   complicated horror   horror hostile confusion     Horror hints confusion jazz fusion     Horror hints free jazz full body orgasm     Horror immolation immelman head watermelon     Ben head bitter melon     Horror harlot color me blood red campfire     Campfire body without organs blood ooze odd number orgasms

Over the light bulbs, there’s all these dead moth wings, and I… hate that.  Such a sadness: there must surely be something to do with that.  I tenderly picked them out and started pasting them onto a strip of film, to try to… give them life again, to animate them again, to try to put them into some sort of life through the motion picture machine.

Light bulb ben body     Light bulb ben beech plum moth body     Light bulb body bulbous beetle breech beach moth light

Light bulb ben body moth light lossless     Bulb beat light ben body blind loss blood     Color me blood red over the light bulbs     Give me mothlight Morton Feldman     Mothlight ben mouth body p-funk mothership     Ship sits inside light outside light     Out light low wings

Wings sing woman     Wings worry my body woman matter width: width myth wings     Wings klang swing woman her mouth worries my body     My mouth worries ben body arrangement of wings     Thin wings film sling woman sewing machine light material / I make light of matter

Wing move bird bat moth     Wing skin move membrane taryn train thorax sewing machine insect     Wing thin extension tension taryn air lateral     Wing thin pine ash elm else light     Light else wing evangeline

Mothlight motor laughter     Moth wings stagger somme summer her magick     Mothlight magus ultramagnus moon magician     Mothlight motifs leitmotif lights labor lights lip locust lights     Mothlight desiring-machine marshland lip loose linen no limits     Mothlight ler lir liminal limbo     Mothlight lir lin liminal lilac light: lyrical lusty light     Lyric lost light Krystal lin lateral bone     ben bone largo     ben bone leaks largo left-handed     Modern mothlight malaria     Modern moonlight medial medium medicine     More moth more bone ben body

Always on guard, I devote every minute and module of my life to decoding the modulation of things

Always I assemble texts     All ways arc art lamp I assemble alphabets     Alphabets light all moth mere magma molten geology languages     Moth languages light metatron polygons (regular division of the plane with asymmetrical congruent polygons / vibrating claw hand is essential to really get that Dan Deacon sound)

All ways wing sing woman I assemble texts alphabets human bodies     All ways moth mouth machine minimal merchant alphabet bat robotics infant insects     Infant insects nymph door knock nude     I answer alphabet nude and I process texts as music     I process texts musics sequence of towers taryn / I talk towers lighthouse tunnels prophesy)

I talk towers mountain mothlights / street lamp long linen transmigration of souls

I assemble microcosm moth chasm coil boil body: body berber babel barbarian macrocosm     I assemble

I Mourn With Mothlight

I received an order to conduct contrary acts  (I conduct opposing acts   I conduct antagonistic acts   I conduct contrary acts)     I conduct act aleatoric     Act aleatoric electric acts apostles     Apostles acts apostates heretic hang wire: I walk hang wire apostle apostate heretic schism     Heretic aleatoric tints interferences cancel cancel: camel depopulation cancel     Cancel contrary cancel cool contradiction

Tightrope tourniquet tighten: hang wire hacksaw rip grave filled

I conduct opposing acts Elliott Carter Concerto For Orchestra / Charles Ives Symphony No. 4

I conduct contrary acts antinomian alice adventures aleatoric underground     Antinomian texts speak tetragrammaton and sign serpent stations of the cross / chemical or cocoon ben bodies     I boil human bodies lye lime lipstick: lie lime lipstick limerick

Conduction clowns cross coimc play: I conduct contrary play     I play and pilot multiplicities     Play and pilot pigeonhole principle     Play pilot pigeon excess purgatories     Excess purgatories pomegranates / rose garden gruppen pomegranates

I make or mark signs of the cross     I mark signs gospel linearly independent gospel of mark     Machine minimal stations of the cross cook Barnett Newman alchemy     Machine zip contrary markan priority: I ride zip zebra dance contraries     I ride zebra animal oracle barnett newman zone stalker zips     I stalk gospel wheat stalk stick hell     Hell stick speculum that doesn't shine speculative flesh human science fictions

I mention mothlight mothlight machine body     I myth mothlight math film flesh skull celluloid     My skull skips drawing stones stone stomach stick stench     Stick stench zip stalk flesh funk: funk mothlight lipid flesh     More light mothlight mere mention

Here is a film I made out of deep grief.  The grief is my business in a way, but the grief was helpful in squeezing the little film out of me, then I said “these crazy moths are flying into the candle light and burning themselves to death, and that’s what’s happening to me…”

Urgrund grief grief rammar     Urgrund grief gallop gurgle gospel guts my guts without god     My graph body guts grotesque without god grab glyph rift black sabbath riff     I wife riff grief god hangs my guts shore river stones


Conversations With Asia 07/05/2020 5:32 AM

Everyone else gets to be unreasonable, says Asia.  Why don’t I get to be unreasonable?  Being reasonable with them sure didn't work.  Damned if I do damned if I don't I guess.  I feel like no matter what I do I’m going to be painted like I’m in the wrong.  I would say “So why not have fun with it?” but I’m not having fun… I’m just hurt and really fed up with their shit and part of me feels like letting my guard down again means that they are going to walk all over me again, she says.


I don’t always appreciate Asia’s givenness and vulnerability and openness with her givenness     I often don’t realize I demand much of her     

Asia told me the other day:  I’m struggling with stress and anxiety at the moment so I have to admit when I first saw the message about how it’s important for me to rad it, I had to put my phone down and compose myself for a moment.  Because at the time it was feeling like yet another thing that I had to pour focus and energy and time and attention to.  Like I’ll never be able to relax because everything in dependent on me giving 110 percent, she says.  

I often demand 110 percent of Asia’s time, energy, and attention, and I do not realize I take advantage of her vulnerable and open givenness     I demand more awareness of my relationships but with kindness and self-love     I appreciate Asia and our friendship     I should cut this out but writing heals and to write heals: heals galactic pot maker Stephanie steers ben body stretch antlers heal no god

Christina or Stephanie     Asia or Sophia

Kendrick Lamar raps:  I grieve different     I grieve different     (We all grieve different)

I grieve grapevine god     I grieve god grandiose geometer gin ben body grand guinol hut guts     Grieve grotesque gunpowder body wounds wind-up bird body without organs     Ben body without organs row geraniums: god granulosum snow roses     Rose rhizome rhythm without god

I grieve god without god: god ghost gauntlets ghost genealogies gumdrop roses

Grassland grief grapple glassware life in a glass house     House histories hauntologies     Mixed monograph hauntologies motor glass mixed media glass

These crazy moths are flying into the candlelight and burning themselves to death and that’s what’s happening to me.  I don’t have enough money to make those films… and I’m not feeding my children properly because of these dawn films you know.  And I’m burning up here… What can I do?

I mention moth as material: I mark moth material     I grieve moth gospel of mark     Metal moth music: metallic right wing moth a little night music     Minus moth makes media / I mix moth media minus god     Microgod cicada emergences     Microgod metereology grassland logion     Grasshopper hunter logion / microgods micropastics     Microgods where there are there gods they are gods; where there are two or three, I am with him

I marry moth as I marry light     I marry moth material masculine mask mirror mirrored light snow     Minimal moth most material mast cell light loft sail moth     Minimal moth local maximum marx glass ghost grasshopper (minimal moth curve/ mothlight langauge multiplitiers)     Language grassland languages light magnitudes and multitudes / I marry moth mixed multitudes     I marry moth mixed multitudes mixed lamps lights     Lamplight Book of Los and vivid light an adverb     An adverb moth vision / I dream the green pergesa hawkmoth and I sketch its head, thorax, and abdomen purplish grey     I paint the vertex of its head and its dorsolateral stripe to thorax and abdomen green     I dream green fiona forests forest phoneme metamorphosis

Moth metamorphosis phoneme green phenomenon dream: dream moth material modernist marriage of heaven and hell

Moon mezzazine zebra moonlight measures magnesium moth mark     Magnesium moth gospel of mark dream green monstrous

Monstrous moth metamorphosis floods light microlepidoptera taryn train tracks     Taryn shroud of turin moth cigarette minuets

Moths fly into candlelight tantalum lamp lustrous light lusty light voluptuous moths: moth pin up materials

Moth fly candlelight fly by wire wizard of gore / gore without god     Moth fly candlelight swollen lymph node warp narcelles (and I know that it’s not a party if it happens every night pretending there’s glamour and candelabra when you’re drinking by candlelight)     Moth fly feel the funk blast: feel the funk blast ben body without organs

I assemble the microcosmic soul and macrocosmic universe according ot the ideal proportions expressed in sequence of tones     I tine tone tomb: trine tone empty tomb     I tent tent empty tomb rhizome resurrections: resurrection revolution insurrection     I tent text tone inversions / retrograde roses     Rhizome roses retrograde inversions     I tone tome written tomb taryn resurrections / restless riptide porous Taryn mothlight

I assemble tone assemblages I assemble text assemblages