Wide I Word Wild Work In Progress


Wide I word wild work in progress     Wide I word wild work on progress: work in onto in interior progress process     (Work in progress work in progress)

Wide work wild wide work word longer     Longer work longer word locusts

Wide I wife work in progress be my husband and I’ll be your wife

I work in progress onto work work here let a film     Let a film her a few artifacts find in their own favour     I figure flavour favour flat work in progress pop art figures

I wash favour flavour flat fish body and I work body quantum flavours

I wash wall work water woman flavours: flavour a few artificial fend waters additional flavours     I wash work flavours and I wash wall work water woman where the river felt she wanted salt     Salt fall fell work flavour savors sea seem salt     I salt prophecy work in progress demon possession (I trust you in a demon invasion, I say.  Maybe your trust is misplaced, says Asia.  I AM A DEMON AFTER ALL, she says.)

I work here where let a few artifacts feed in their flavours

I work artifact arkestra architectonic     Work artifact word post-processural archaeology     Artifact word artificial extraterrestrials turner taryn tack bread     I work wash artifact and I wash artificial bodies work word bay of blood (a story as explosive as his blazing automobiles)

I wash wall work water woman whir the river felt she wanted salt     I work salt her sea works and I work long erosion eye ear mouth erotic     I work long erotic body (the other girls majored in home ec… but Debby majored in poontang!  TEENAGE SEX KITTEN she stuck her claws into every man she could)     I work long bay erotic ocean erosion eye work and mouth work     I work cave mouth wheel

I work in progress midwinter a provide of a pril when  

I work pril pack part salt prayer     When work prototype prayer waters     I pray with waters work prototypes and archetypes     I pray with waters hosts when ghosts shores saw roars     When ghosts salt waters work in progress god press plus play process: work in progress     Work in progress platypus flat plane flirt pink pink   sink flint   flat flinch work in process prototypes

I write prototype and I experiment prototype     I write work in progress experiments possible worlds: wide word possible worlds wildstyle

Erosion work word monolith: monolith womb tomb rock face shade hawk half experiment     Erosion work experiment experiments a general smoothing over and with the language (sometimes I work a young jagged language: other times I work with my body older smoother language erosion) (I work the language slower and sometimes smoother, an accumulation of erosion and long wear processes)

I wear rock a monolith monokini / ben body bay mades work in progress

(I work the experiment – a nonexistent experiment that works the stone wheel only in my skull – and the experiment idles more slowly than I’d like     I do want to write a James Joyce work in progress that takes 17 years or whatever     The time span was to work a new language     I want to improvise the language spontaneous with shekinah and sophia sand sparks     I improvise spark space speech speed) (I embrace a longer prose collage polystylistic because Asia’s critique still klangs in my brain)

I work whale bone work in progress and my bone camera pictures cave and water processes     I work a whale bone Christianity with holy spirit scrimshaw: I shape bone spirit staircase hauntings

I amass Christian monoliths; canyon Christianity haunt land art / ben body park art landscape negative space

(A long term study project study and utilize geology and stone and rock formations / landscape stratas stratas)

Work in progress Christianities cut bone negative haunted Christian underneath     I interrupt last supper underground Christianity     Underneath I speak shutter stone Christianity shear dress shift

Underneath Christianity ground bone camera underground     Camera composes Christianity subterranean / camera work work in progress

I’ve been switching back and forth between the main notebook and brainstorm notebooks, and it made me think more freely and I actually wrote more pages overall, I say.  More repetition and refrain.  I am going to keep track in a separate notebook refrains I want to use…. I will try to focus one one theme for each section but no strict promises, I say.  It’s not a hard rule, says Asia.  Just something that might make the different pieces more cohesive.  I will take it seriously, I say, but I hope you understand multiplicity and rhizome and anarchic interpenetration of themes is integral to the form of the Book.  I understand what you mean though: treating each piece as modular and detached from the Book and an arrangement of these forms, I say.  Yes, says Asia, and I’m not saying that multiplicity is impossible.  I’m asking you to get a magnifying glass and focus on strengthening the structure at a molecular level, she says.  I was wondering since you’ve read a lot, when you zoom you see repeated motifs and themes.  I think so.  I definitely see repeated themes, she says.

I magnify monolith     Magnify monolith laboratory a Christian spiral column drilling through earth core and thrust through erupted Jerusalem     Jerusalem egypts empty tomb / witch’s broom tomb work in progress

I work underground Christianity neoteric netherworld     I work word netherworld neologism / I gloss photo heteroglossia     Subterranean Christianity strike netherworld word eschaton inchworm anxious     Subterranean I work search sheets of sound revisionist western / wild west underworld

I work word window haunt karst Christina repetition (Christina or Christina?  Christina Christina simultaneous)     I keep a haunted crisis Christianity: empty tomb open wound quartz crisis Christian Faerie Queen     Christian chatters chitlins critters and she wraps my intestines around the Threshing Tree     She threads my guts through eyes maypole monolith laptop eye     Christian dismembers benjamin butcher battle bath in progress (I find a human pelvis, a thigh, a lower leg) (partially incinerated bodies   bones in furnace   a skull in the horse carriage)     Monolith Christina ticks thickets and she fillets my intestines with forcemeats to make sausage

I was thinking maybe playing around with shorter forms like you said but play with the arrangement with them and move them around and repeat and alter them, I say.  I like this idea, says Asia.

Work in progress     Work in onto interior progress process     Work in onto interior monolith: human meat body horror     Obscure Christianity splits sausage holy spirit spice     Christianity slaughters pig parishioners / pillory cattle mangle skinned cathedral     Cathedral slow stone work in progress / Christians construct     Construct churches human carcasses     Christians compose carcass church cantatas / ghost cathedral catholic hauntology     Churches tower terror     Churches tower terror (we dare you to look into DOCTOR BLOOD’S COFFIN can you stand the terror.. the awful secret it contains?)     Church bells belial benjamin  baphomet benjamin  bahamut benjamin / neobahamut bahamut zero teraflame taryn      Work in progress Taryn christian conflagrations     Work in progress Taryn tastes ben body without organs

I Feel A Passion For Ghost Earth

Dress of dream song: night desert deserted night     Dream sing bare bird ben bell ball: ballroom mooring dream      I dream night rhizome detectives and I undress night cassette tape tape taryn     Taryn tape desert…

Dissonance I dream desert     I dream desert diminution and augmentation and my face resembles a devil’s face     My face mimics demon’s face first desert     I face desert different stars and stars repeat street sleet constellations sleep desert     Desert ursa minor meads underneath the archangel Michael     Desert mermaids mad ursa major bear bone sail boat     Desert cudgel bash god andromeda immediate andromeda opens stone round empty tomb

I open tomb tomb inversion     I open an inverted tomb empty     Tomb spies specialized ribcutter inverted glue     Tomb empty inverts ghosts glue resurrection     You may not believe in ghosts but you cannot deny the terror THE HAUNTING

I open tomb cassette tape crypto-christianity     Crypto-christian ghosts diffuse arterial blood gas tombs     Ghosts defuse differ and I keep sabbath in crypto-christian communities     I keep sabbath continuously gnostic gnostic haunted ghosts god gengar (He said, The Son of Man is destined to suffer grievously, to be rejected by the elders and chief priests and scribes, and to be raised up on the third day)

I feel a passion for ghosts and Christs and empty tombs     I fling phoenix forceps punch pymander pyramids / netherworld Christianity near nude women underneath

I feel a passion for ghost earth and earth ghost Christina stone geraniums (Monolith, the face of Half Dome, Yosemite National Park, California, by Ansel Adams, 1927, gelatin silver print.  Part of the Parmelian Prints of the High Sierra Portfolio, published by Grabhorn Press in San Francisco in 1927)     Monoliths backlight ghosts brackish: my body breakers bodyless black branch ghosts     I mention monolith in memory (this improvisation without memory) and murk naked ghosts of tombs and passions     I middle murk meddle monolith dark and dark repeats desert dream     I dream stone across stone the cross

When they realized the place called the skull, there they crucified him and the two criminals, one on his right, the other on his left

I dream the cross dark the face of the rock inverted as a dome in the desert

Cross face dark dark parking lot monolith     Monophonic monolith chants cross bodyless crucifixion     Park crucifies me bodyless desert abyss     I photograph the empty cross as a self-portrait

Pure photography is defined as possessing no qualities of technique, composition, or idea, derivative of any other form

I Dedicate This Ragged Rain Prose To You

I talk naked lunch light anarchic     Light anarchic catapult launch left-handed letters     I talk left-handed naked now left-hand nude net zest zealots     Hand nude imperial bedrooms (they came to make the beds… and they made everything!  MOTHER’S HELPERS)     I grapple given gulf language language left-handed naked     Gulf gore graphite scratch god graphomania: god graphorrhea logorrhea logos     Listen hoop skirt logos less than zero beyond the zero     Zero nets zest zealous zebra     I wear her skirts hemmed hypomania minimal spirit logos

My writing is a mess right now.  What makes you say that? says Asia.  It feels like a bunch of stuff smashed together with no continuity.  There are ways to add structure.  What would you suggest?  I’ve made suggestions before:  repetition, prose to break things up.  But I think the biggest issue is that you seem to want to play with multiple things at once and that muddles things.  I think you should practice reducing the size of your pieces so that you can work on cohesiveness.  What’s the advantage of writing one theme? I say.  To practice building on a theme and to make the writing more clear.  You can change the theme each segment but the idea is to practice building on one theme first and then you can work on balancing multiple things.  You see all your writing as one work but your audience is only going to see one post at a time so use each one as a stepping stone building to the center, says Asia.

I reimagine the Book as a sort of postminimalist plastics plastics modular partitions: modular irregular stanzas that (can-almost) be displayed in any order     Modular overlappings cut-up naked lunch microtonal color miniatures     Illuminated manuscripts modular plastics easter passions

Kind of antennae irregular blue batch bat body     Blue bodies ben king antennae a vibrating galaxy of suns, moons, and planets     Antennae attract and repel irregular repetition sun rhizomes (this is a tape of browse beetle to make rebuke in the auria)

Irregular spell sprawl (To the extent that I wear skirts and cheap nylon slips I’ve gone native   I’ve wanted to know the exact dimensions of hell   Does this sound simple?  Fuck you    Are you for sale?  Does fuck you sound simple enough?)

Irregular yardbird day dream nation bebop

I repeat bebop my business is not to reason and compare but to create

I repeat hell     I repeat hell as irregular modular units varying the exact dimensions of hell     I know hell harlequin hypertext / hell intertextual taryn tincture for toothache

I repeat an irregular hell metamorphosis hallucinate analogies  correspondence  contraries     I repeat contrary to my writing new writing desert dimensions of hell     I hymn hell hymen knot irregular noun linearity: time bring of fire and faerie ring and I play time highly regular worn red thread irregular     I write repetition in the round circle in the round nonlinear: nonlinear hell hymn and hymen

An irregular spell rupture: sprawl riptide tiles letter repetition magic names and god names     God names gag gun Joker pulls another boner     Sprawl spills speech riptide Taryn tsunami and she increases rogue wave activity     I increase idea generation through the play of repetition / nonrepetition     Increase idea generation sometimes at the expense of quality     Come on down to the store you can buy some more and more and more)

I watch the YouTube channel Art Chad and the video “How Art Became Useless”.  The video ends with the following statement:  “The only way to make art that matters is not to kill yourself.  You can’t make stuff when you’re dead so you have to make as much things as possible when you're alive”.  I do not kill myself but I make shit even though it’s shit (I still sometimes want to die, I say.  It’s a strange thing.  Not strange to me, says Christina.  But I think most people want to live.  Like, I think there’s something wrong with my brain if I want to die.  But I don’t know if a solution exists, says Christina)     I don’t tell Christina but I stave or starve that feeling of suicidal ideation is to write – to create other stuff too, but mostly write and so I write to live     I try to write as much as possible because to write more means to die less     In the creative hoarding and accumulation of texts taryn hypertexts textiles, it sprawls irregular spell riptide rogue wave, themes thread rhizome whatever the fuck when – does this sound simple fuck you does fuck you sound simple enough     I will do my best Asia, but if you don’t expect too much from me you might not be let down     Anyways, Asia, this is prose and I dedicate this ragged rain prose to you

Talk to me naked naked lunch (Exterminate all rational thought     A paranoid is someone who knows a little bit of what’s going on)     I speak paranoid naked now speak irregular spill     Talk to me the devil’s fangs to strip her flesh     Naked lunch launch underground horror for the balkan virgins

Paranoid I panic pulse an army of pompous phrases moving across a landscape in search of an idea

Asia, the single theme of this section is the irregular repetition in search of my sheets of sound

Inverted dome immixes imago insect metamorphosis / invert volume visions visions     Mixtur towers and some detours dazzle camouflage zebra Christina     Christina copy camouflage cryptid crysis crises magazine categories     Inversion inverts indoors icebergs visions     I invert vision iceberg coyote red balloon benjamin     Barroom benjamin balloon beer belly boutiques / a bigfoot bullshit

Increase idea generation inverts idempotent benjamin tangled up in blue     I bend blue with black oxford fancy floor and I fancy fire forest aenima (my mind camera cusp unarranged fires   six rooms unarranged fires)     Unarranged fire increases naked fire alchemy and alchemy mires material body art art at performance     An almost square photograph: I’m trying my hand at fashion photography

I in invert iva ift repetitive bassline    I invert iamb ian ions and ionic bonds burst bacchus nimble wine woman    I invert nose and ears the gigli saw a flexible wire saw used by surgeons for bone cutting     Cut inverts and I amputate awful floods automobile fluids foreign to human blood     I stick a sternal saw reciprocating compact color    I color inverted body horror (One day after a million years it came out of hiding to… Kill!  Kill!  Kill!  THE BEAST OF HOLLOW MOUNTAIN)

Another almost square fashion photograph: I’m trying my hand at fashion photography     I attempt to present my flesh in a single photograph     I take too many photographs and the pictures amputate my body anarchic collage assemblage anarchic

I was wondering if you could teach me your conceptions of anarchy?  I was wondering how you conceive of anarchism in general, I say.  Dismantle hierarchies and redistribute power horizontally, says Asia.  I’ve been thinking about structure, I say.  Mainly structure as it pertains to my Book but also structure in general – how does one navigate structure when structure itself implies a stratification, a hierarchy?  Structure doesn't have to imply a hierarchy if all who are participating consent and contribute, says Asia.  “From each according to their ability, to all according to their need.”  Is that like Pauline, those who don’t work don’t eat?  No, “to all according to their need” means that people get their needs met, but they contribute in whatever way they can.  It’s communities taking care of each other.  Do you think such a community is able to include everyone?  Why wouldn't it be able to? says Asia.  I am thinking at the limits of radical love: like how to love each other and love oneself and maintain a community that leaves room for the self and the other, I say.  There are cultures who managed to be inclusive and create niches for people who didn’t fit already existing roles.  And people have cared for children, sick and elderly for ages.  I think you are still stuck on how things are right now.  Our current system isolates us and weaponizes empathy.  Any position that requires taking care of others is underfunded, overworked, and abused.  They aren’t respected jobs and are considered feminine because they are lesser.  Empathy makes you weaker in our current system.  Imagine if those institutions were owned and operated by the community instead of some CEO who doesn’t even live there looking to siphon as much money out of the community as they can.  That's another thing, resources are very important and you cannot dismantle power structures without establishing more equal access to resources, says Asia.

Another almost square fashion photograph but anarchic     Anarchic almost Asia but another: absolutely Asia     I’m trying my hand at fashion photography: I photograph Asia runaway runaway rain     Asia autographs the Book a little rain never hurt no one

Asia almost another but ancient archaic: anarchic Christianities/ kingdom of the skies plane of immanence

Asia immanent anarchic absolute flat territory / deterritorialized serpent landscape     Landscapes serpents snake monsoon monstrous body horror fertile crescent     A costotome a specialized rib cutter used to gain access to the thoracic center (You see all your writing as one work but your audience is only going to see one post at a time, so use each one as a stepping stone building to the center, says Asia)

I gain access to my thoracic center through the use of stonecutter tools, and I fill up my rib cage with lithic flakes     I access my center body stoning of stephen     Stones step serpent steppe sheets of sound irregular repetition     The stone has two levers: the first grasps the ribs and the second stone lever cuts the ribs

I invert inky bone and I separate sodium and the iodine and the clementine elephants ignite canvas (a study for the nurse from Battleship Potemkin)     I nurse nail gun body horror     Nurse horror the exact dimensions of hell / hell excises exact flesh exercises using resistance bands / stone levers body levitation

Not To Rewrite It But To Write It

I walk watercolour eva in the cool of the day     Watercolour crest walk crest cress triceratops horns     Horn hash hush learned helplessness or no name oar name waters video nasty     Horn hash wash husk hollow horn harrowing of hell and I walk hell shallow water warning     I walk hell watercolour area rhema: rhema rhizome multidirectional wreckage     I rest in wreckage extended human body shipwreck     Ben hinnom hooks hell tines lines taryn hydra

Walk watercolour area wash smash sway walk     I swing hard walk spirit boardwalk weird beach and my brain breeches beach ballad     Walk word verb ballard body ballads taryn techne: Taryn taunts taut lilith owl who

Walk want wedding web long verb     I loot lush long verb lariat and the walk lurch lariat leads marriage of heaven and hell     Walk want wedding weld shell shield volcano: volcano verb no noun but becoming bridal chamber     I rewrite verb walk board walk beach bridal chamber and walk verb venture whale wreckage rewritten Asia among rhizomes     Asia moat mixture water multidirectional

Walk slower black widow woman monochromatic paintings / chromatic lament bass book badlands     Book badlands lash Book wetlands water colour area     Area walk vine ring wing rind rhizome multidirectional / an anarchic Asia     Anarchic Asia opens ash open nonlinear line resonance

Taryn wildcat walk who whip body: body borderless bridal chamber     Taryn taunts taut lilith owl who (Lift up your eyes on high.  To which site?  The site towards which all eyes gaze.  Which is that?  Opening of the eyes.  There you will discover that the concealed ancient one, susceptible to questioning, created these.  Who is that?  Who)

I walk who Asia among ant colonies the invisible cross cross-section     Asia among gores horns heaven and hell hawaiian ant lion or high plains grasshopper     Walk word verb who: Taryn who who Asia among high noon ants insect word salad     Asia among rivers raptor who rhizome no non ghost     Now no non ghost moon who word west languages     Her language word who who taryn twenty six stations    Her languages loft who large gas stations diffusion field god desert     Diffuse word wyrd who her waters and I awake waters walk her wheel     I awake when her walk who crows cows owl benjamin batman     I walk awake fire walk with me golden mean     Taryn wildcat walk who whip body soil silly string: lift up your eyes and see who created these     Taryn who trace orb owl ball lightning     Owl ball lightning lizard length open orb eye     I lengthen the wall wide Taryn who orb obscure orbit / to lengthen walk wide stride lizard     Who lizard scissors centipede strider spider silo it’s summertime and the living is easy silo who

Who performs warning woman who who orange slash slow slams otherworldly ocean going: who so woman grammar gravity gallery     Slow who orange glow gazette ghost garnishes and orange opalescent     Opalescent orange occludes my optics oscillation occipital bone who in the oven (no one who saw the cave with which the kitchen and prepared could have intercepted her action as anything but irrotational compulsion)     Orange glow came from three portholes pothole prototype portals / who portal phenotype and portal pavement power chords

Fuck, this is a good album, I say.  You hella made fun of me in high school for liking them, says Christina.  Did I?  I’m not surprised though.  I thought The Dillinger Escape Plan and Converge was the coolest and everything you liked was uncool.  That about sums it up, says C.  “If you don’t expect too much from me you might not be let down” was on all my social media stuff until embarrassingly late in adult life, says C.  I’m cringe so no worries, I say.  I think it’s a cool line.  I’m going to steal it for my Book.  What about drunk drunk drunk in the gardens and the graves? says C.  The last time I hung out with that punk Jacob, he had me drive to the pumpkin patch and St. Anne’s cemetery while he drank – I didn’t drink then – it was a super boring night and I could tell he was pissed off but wouldn’t say why.  Later he told me he made “that stupid song you play all the time came true”.  I never heard that story, I say.  That’s amazing.  I love you so much I don’t know how to express it, I say.  You can pull a Jacob and get pissed off and dig a grave in your backyard.  His mom then begged me to come convince him to stop.  When I did, he pulled me into the hole and kissed me.  That's how to express love for you?  That’s dumb.  I would have buried you with me.  Actually, I was trying to make you feel better about your love for me, says C.  Nothing could miss the mark more than that kid! she says.

Christina who glows loud slow: Christina who created these     Slow who Christina whom I love lust lavender haze     Christina haze horn lush lust honey who and Christina slow low loud orange     Christina ghost serpent orange jumps occult lust lush bone laughter     Christina listens slow the district sleeps alone tonight midnight ghosts

Talk to me naked     Ghost Christina clasp cross talk to me naked     Naked Christina quotation (As is usually the case with such matters, the title is outrageously misleading.  The witch is naked in only two scenes.  This is just as well though because for those scenes when she is running around with no clothes on, somebody censored the film by placing opaque streaks across it in such a way to block out the line through which the witch’s torso moves)

Talk to the naked witch’s torso moves line nonlinear     Talk witch’s torso slow who: way to be the divine will that I not leave this house empty

I walk no morning run naked and I write nude word olive oil witness     I clothe word who rhizome naked:  Christina talk to me nude descending down a staircase

I step steppe staircase spirals and I study the movement of the body parallel to the movement of the body     I study the body parallax body binary stars nonbinary god     I steep step steppe staircase descent hints a certain hell contrasted uncertain hell     Never trust a writer that doesn't burn and I burn human bodies between who and what     Who Christina cut clash clip clip cross what:  What wash walk staircase Christina naked     I sleep staircase body who crush open nude orange

I walk staircase speakeasy speech and speech springs space supernatural: metaphors  correspondences  analogies  hallucinations  pluralities  eternal recurrences

Metaphor mirror meteor molten mirage     Correspondence candle Christina who cross between what cross chiaroscuro     (Correspondence chimes Christina chimera chiral asymmetry)     Analogy anarchic logia Asia among gore urgrund god     (Asymmetrical Asia appears moth apparitions: Asia abbreviates button slug moth     Asia abbot’s sphinx moth     Asia achernon sphinx moth    Asia afflicted dagger moth     Asia asymmetrical moth analogy)     Harsh noise wall hallucinations sheer dress hallucinated airplane drag     Plural prayer panic stax records

Contraries appeal more to me than unities

Contraries chisel contraries Christina of the cross nudie-cutie cinemas

I write rhizome unity of varieties simultaneous with variety of unities     Unities obscure other unities umbra underneath rhizome written

Not rewrite it but write it     Not rewrite it but write it iron iterations     Mix tape rewrite variations physical veronica     Who veronica simultaneous screams of sounding bodies     Who sample simultaneous nude witches and I witch who, eyes gaze vibrating galaxy of suns, moons, and planets     Not rewrite but write Asia among rhizomes antelope beetles (Asia anise swallowtail butterfly     Asia american lady butterfly     Asia american idia)

Our business is not to reason and compare – but to create and burn – and make poetry, each in his own way – whatever way that is

Not rewrite it but write it     I must create a system or be enslaved by another     I will not reason and compare: my business is to create     Not to rewrite but write it     I write repeat myth and refrain gospel

I repeat body desert downtown music naked and I sin loft jazz punk no wave

Woman insatiable blots out my sin / she devours sin eater over omens my body occulted     I transmutate my misogyny into an Andy Warhol factory assembly line     I transmute my misogyny into antinomian alkahest / I hurry into godly body horror     I haste blood paste taste holy body horror     Obsessed!  Prey to creatures from the grave… Creatures who kill again and again!  TOMB OF TORTURE)     Art is the alchemical process of transformation which takes place in the furnace of the heart and mind   transform into art    transcendent use of life   utilize self

Write not write but write     Write time fuck syntax sterling sterling  sterling lobster light laboratory silver     Time involuntarily infects other time simultaneous streams of sounding bodies     I sound ben body asia rhizome jack the ripper rains

I feel there’s a great disconnect in how I feel as a friend and how you perceive me as a friend, I say to Asia.  I feel if I have a crisis or feel depression, I’m failing you as a person and as a result failing you as a friend, but it seems you perceive it differently, I say.  I see a friend who isn’t having a good time, says Asia.  You asked me how I can care for you unconditionally and what I originally said is still true, but I want to add that before you a a prophet or a writer you are a fucking human being.  A human being with a funky brain and sometimes we humans aren’t OK.  And that's OK.  When that happens we need patience and kindness, says Asia.

Before I write or prophesy, I stretto son of man     I stretch hex heart alchemies heats humans and I human always-already creative     I write and prophesy benjamin son of man simultaneous son of man cut kairos / Asia rhizome woman fucked up time     I prophesy human before god and without god immediate human (We have to live in the world even if there was no God, writes Dietrich Bonhoeffer, and this is just what we do recognize before God. […]  God would have us know that we must live as men who manage to live our lives without him.  The God who is with us is the God who forsakes us…)     I recognize without god and I live without god son of man and child of humanity: immediately I prophesy woman wilderness

I write Asia afflicted dagger moth desert diablo and I prophesy witch torso Christina naked     Not to rewrite it but I write it human prophecy and wild prophecy

Non-linearity: in the round.  Time is a ring of fire, a circle not a line.  Movement of any direction.  I wall directions at once / multidirectional wilderness

Prophesy human plunderphonics karst pornographies karst son of man     Prophesy nude witch watercolour warnings underneath

It astonishes me when the world begs and prays for places they have heard about but have not seen with their own eyes… Maybe they are praying for a place that is worst of all!

I pray something else      I pray something else something different immediate human     I pray both directions at once: continuous Christianities and discontinuous Christianities     I pray cut in desert dripping dream or diamond sea (time takes its crazy toll mirror falling off the wall you better look out for the looking glass girl ‘cause she’s gonna take you for a fall)     I pray cut into desert discontinuous deliriant / flesh discrete defoliate disappear frenzy     Cut into desert time crystal Robin dies at dawn     I pray one of three studies for a crucifixion and crucifixions cut book cloth bitches brew kairos / brew bess book bricoleur     Brew bess bitter wormwood bricolage     Bricoleur woman insatiable holy spirits sphinx flask     Sphinx flux flask both directions at once     At once ouroboros boron nitride impossible stars     Dress of dream gong: night desert deserted night

Talk to me naked     Never trust a writer that doesn't burn

I burn body busy desert dizzy up the girl     I burn storm surge scalpel slash insects insect asia ambidextrous leg segments

I burn repetition     I burn ben bodies naked witch irregular repetition     I burn one hundred dollar bank note repetition (my business is not to reason or compare but to create)     I create creature feature fat face space     I create crop circle kreb cycle burning spirals     Burn spiral spike spool sinister side cauldron

Talk to me naked (THE YOUNG NURSES   Fear, lust, thirsty passions – an explosive story of life in a big-city hospital)     Talk to me naked (The compelling story of a girl who couldn’t say no I AM A NYMPHO)     Talk to me naked (She knew an affair with her patient would be good therapy for them both!  SEX STARVED   The strange story of a beautiful, love hungry woman doctor)

Orange over oboe ossias why elephants (elephants interrupt my brain immediate boils constantly elephants)     orange open elephant graveyard and ogres congregate     Ogres orange congregate graveyard churchyard wyrd     I bury ootid otters oiled omelets (I scramble cosmic egg feminine floating eyes and floating eggs)

I walk watercolour underneath ugly minor becomes the Archangel Michael     Ursa major sails the boat Saint Peter     The congregation Andromeda opens stone round the tomb of Christ

Stars strip water underneath mask beach birdwalk wheel cave mouth

Not rewrite it but write it

Talk to me naked     Never trust a writer that doesn’t burn

Danger Underground Mine Fire

I pursue passages and longer passages passions aporias     I pursue passages prayers longer assemblages accumulate syntaxes     I pursue syntax through passage play prayers and syntax stacks stereo psalm sunday     Syntax stacks stretto fog fragment fuck syntax     I extend the syntax through the passages pages pass slack human bodies     Bodies extend bodies glow orange from three portholes     I extend body orange an inverted dome dune undress desert nude     Please do not block these doors but open body vivid vivisection

You once told me that you can’t separate the Book from yourself, and I’ll be honest with you, I thought you were deflecting when you said that, but I’ve thought about it some more and now I agree with you, you are constantly being created and recreated by the relationships you have with others, and that’s what your book is about, and when others see it, they experience that too, we are all a symbiotic relationship with each other, says Asia.

I partake Book passages slide sheets of sound / I try for a Book with more sweeping sound     I start experimenting because I strive for more individual development     I develop desert Book variations and passages     Book assembles polystylistic syntax and pragmatic syntax     I sling syntax swing slow eyes     I eye melody and I use the high notes of the chords as a melodic line     I lengthen the melodic line into multiple lines looser insect swarm melodies (lines as cells overlapping intersecting accumulating insect alchemy)

I work lengths lights loops human body transitions     Transition taryn passages lengths transitions / a point mutation that changes a purine nucleotide to another purine or a pyrimidine nucleotide to another pyrimidine

I transition to transition taryn tetrys tertiary total bodies   total bodies totaled cars corvette tetragrammaton     Taryn tune dune lengths transitional fossil flash flesh gross anatomy     Transitions toys transition taryn thermodynamics tune inverted dome desert     I walk her deserts her desert word warning

Warning     Danger underground mine fire     Walking or drive in this area would result in serious injury or death     Dangerous gases are present     Ground is prone to sudden collapse

Warning I walk the word body word woman     Warning walk work body book crook transitions: physical process of transition between one state of a medium to another     Work warning body window taryn thermodynamics cracked open desert     Open desert deters walk random walk phase transitions glass flesh flux     Flux fresh fresh fluxus ruckus frieze transitions

I transition transition anarchic antinomian transition     You would have been better off eating dirt than pronouncing laws in this place, and one gives laws for accountability and responsibility, and thus weaken the power of man     I transition transition anarchic antinomian taryn transition

I litter law body horror     I litter body horror lawless light light sprawl nonlinear sprawl (Death is the only way out!  Scream – so they’ll know where to find your body!  THE NIGHT GOD SCREAMED)     I scream law loon moon luna or lunar     I stain law littoral body horror sludge delta inverted down stain     Stain book borderless body horror bog sludge delta   delta inverted dome dense dragon scale bodies     Bodies damn detritus littoral desiring machine boiling matter schizophrenia

I strike long line schism scorched earth schizophrenia     Strike long line word warns schism skip human skin (Body desire is the root of evil, in woman insatiable)     Women warn me of insatiable word random walk fire     An insatiable woman walks ben body radix run radians schizophrenia holy spirits     Long line longer limbs circle thrones of god / female bodies desires man of sin heals bodies alchemical salvation and salve (she saves me through my sin     she shares iron sedimentary rock my body ore anarchic alkahest)

Woman cures my body of all types of ailments and sufferings     Woman sin swears sword ben body ocean blessing: bless blue skull seaweed seagulls showers

Woman rains rhizomes no roots but rhizomes / antinomian carbon charcoal cave aurochs and her rains

Woman warns me insatiable slag slides human surfaces / cave mouth charcoal her mouth eats earth instead of law

Underground fire burns body flat longer lines and longer limbs

Underground fire folds body iron ore insatiable: insatiable heresies and insatiable schismatics

I mine fire body fur and furniture cave mouth underneath

I discard; I start over; I repeat     Repetition reveals this something other     This something strange word other repeats antinomian sea salt and giant kelp khora

I repeat body horror and bug iron desire desire dream of desert     Dream iron dream of desert desert of ice     I extend the ice in dream electronic delay din desert desire     I extend pine ice desert dine heat detuned tonality diamond dark heat depth     Diamond body horror hint rotational harmony drag deciduous forest desert / desert begins body huddle (The mansion.  The madness.  The maniac.  No escape.  SILENT NIGHT, DEADLY NIGHT)     Diamond body rotates diamond body forest desert desolation angels

I repeat body desire downtown music body and I sin loft jazz jazz punk no wave

Walking or driving in this area could result in serious injury or death

Area walk antinomian: area random walk antinomian gospel rhizome     Area radioactive fire Asia syntax underneath neat whiskey (warning word woman beware)     (In this area I continue to search for my longer line, a nonlinear sheets of sound that still fucks up syntax     I want to stretch the syntax more beautiful an almost area anarchic line beautiful)

I had a phone conversation with Ann Marie yesterday on the phone, I tell Asia.  She said my writing is like being in a whirlwind or accumulation of different things, of all these connections, and sometimes one of those things really vibrates or resonates, and makes all the other connections cohere and make sense.  I said I felt like I’m in the Book of Job and god comes out of the whirlwind, and I’m in the whirlwinds looking at all this god-stuff and I’m trying to make the god-stuff into different languages, written language, to communicate this god-stuffs in the world.  It’s difficult and confusing and I have trouble making sense of it but it’s all god-stuff, I say.  That’s a pretty good descriptions, says Asia.

Warning – danger underground mine fire     Walking or driving in this area could result in serious injury or death

I walk the work of a longer line     I walk winter music hysteric line comic accumulation     Walk word verb body     Body walk dolly elongate buzzard buzzer bastard ben-hinnom     Hush ben-hinnom hermetic walk wind up bird labyrinth     Ben-hinnom whereby walk what wait her who extend human (blessing on me who has seen the human one: shame on me who has seen the human one)     I walk extend human extend extension amplifier line ausmultiplication

Work whereby walk what wail her human: I word human extended happening     Hoop happenings body performance patch body modification modular hoops     Hoops work happenings Taryn torture porn contrapasto     I sample spoken word hoop noise drone drone one drop desert dense drink     I dress dense drink happenings and I sample my walk you are the one who writes and the one who is written     Written walk happens write walk written     Written walk happens mirror writing rapid rope descent     I descend down one desert distance / desert one difference walking distance

Relaxing At The Camarillo

Relaxing at the Camarillo 1946     Dial records sax solo     1032 –  A BIRD OF PARADISE CHARLIE PARKER

I realized by using the high notes of the chords as a melodic line, and by the right harmonic progression, I could play what I heard inside me.  That's when I was born.

I mouth melody marrow longer lunar line     I mesh melody monophonic mist mythologies: mire myth nonlinear line longer myth     I mouth relaxing and the camarillo bow cross melody microphone morpheme     I morpheme pharmaceutical myth entheogen lepton generations generations / I generate groundless loss gods tenor saxophone

I also dream nonlinear melody     I dream melody carbon monoxide charge Christina stations of the cross checkers     I dream melody cageless witches’ coven Christ the carpenter     Christ carpenters cageless careless whisper guilty feet got no rhythm     Dream calcium light light look hook aporia     Aporia paw points my brain punctured (two turntables, an audio mixer, and an amplifier)

I search for a new melody and a longer line     I feel my approach to the line – this arrangement of fragments in constellations – has become too rigid and inflexible     I search for a new line: a more beautiful line and a more melodic line

Around this time, I was trying for a sweeping sound, says John Coltrane.  I started  experimenting because I was striving for more individual development […] I haven’t completely abandoned this approach, but it wasn’t broad enough.  I’m trying to play these progressions in a more flexible manner now.

I search for a new sheets of sound     I search for a new long line sheets of sound sound nonlinear solar anus

Search loner sound sheets of sound sounds search body and soul     Search longer sound melody solo tenor saxophone improvisations / improvisations languages longer body and soul     I search sheets of sound soultrane traces serpents taryns

My melodic meander     My melodies meaner manic mural motion sickness and the melodic line sprawls actions action paintings the long melodic line and the language music long melody     Like John Coltrane, I do not abandon my approaches but I try to broaden my approach and create and improvise with great flexibility and openness

Relaxing at the Camarillo 1946     Dial Record sax solo     1032-A BIRD OF PARADISE CHARLIE PARKER

I relax the refrain and I repeat the melody railway rhizome     I relax the rhizome rain refrain marginal emendation run amok     Amok abyss I sit bright bay blood     My body emerges immerse melody margins marguerite     I relax the refrain and repeat my mistakes     I repeat the Book revised river copies copy water women look between     I mend melody long line garments and I have to put notes in uneven groups like fives and sevens in order to get them all in

I diminish the letter size paper sizing diminished sevenths     I sing sevenths seventh inversion sober sabbaths / symmetrical edits     I rewrite luna and lunar lush light human hazards and the road hazards stop-and-go go go dancers

I rewrite luna and lunar constant structures / free and shifting tonal center

I hope I prophesy you and our friendship well, I say.  In the past you have said that, that I prophesy you and us appropriately and you haven’t had any indication you changed your mind on that.  Yeah, I think I can still say that I still agree with that, says Asia.  This week has been hard for me, I say.  But I think overall I’m healthier mentally than I’ve ever been.  My friendships are the strongest they’ve ever been.  Yeah, says Asia.  Like you still spiral but even in the spiral you don’t go to old toxic behaviors.  Shit, just a year ago you were doing things like purposely violating boundaries to make me want to leave, says Asia.  That’s true, I say.  It’s kind of painful even to edit conversations from 5 months ago.  Although there’s a lot of improvement from then too.  Thank you for letting me grow, I say.  And I meant what I said, says Asia.  There have been at least two examples recently that you told me about that mid-spiral you corrected yourself.  Like when you said regretted sending the text about me sending you a reassuring message on a blackout day, or you driving home from work telling yourself that you wrote a lot and your patient was still happy.  You didn't used to do stuff like that, says Asia.

One interpretation for incorporating conversations and other collage techniques in the Book: to teach myself and also remember my growth individually and my growth within my friendships     One interpretation of incorporating conversations and different styles of writing in the Book: it fucks up time and syntax and wrestles unrest process into new languages     One interpretation for incorporating conversations and collage techniques into the Book: the proliferation of multiplicities and rains rhizomes that reflect the totality of human experience (ben adam son of man child of humanity)

I rewrite luna and lunar look lightning loot languages     Luna and lunar reflect lighthouse lenient littoral and sea shifts shift sift leviathan (I recently went to Monterey Bay Aquarium again and my favorite experience this time involved the giant sea bass – I took excellent photos of two grumpy looking giant sea bass, one in the Kelp Forest and the other in the Monterey Bay Habitats)

I relax the refrain slick in the boxing ring head movement     I dream repeated dreams draws ram boxing ben carbon     Carbon cool jazz chain cageless caravan carbon: body carbon dial records sax solo     I dream repeated calcium light night levee’s going to break ben carbon and I sample the rings claustrophobic counterpoint (two turntables, an audio mixer, and an amplifier)

I amplify sample skeleton bare bones bobcat cranked up beat box

I dream the wall drawings water repetition and the tenth point is located equidistant from the ninth point, the third point, and the midpoint on the topside

Topside I strip topless topsoil silly putty     I play putty nude horror body boxer (There are certain rules that one must abide by in order to successfully survive a horror movie!  For instance, number one: you can never have sex.  Sex equals death, OK?) (I masturbate metropolis melody     I masturbate metronome and arouse rubato aleph atempo)

The twenty-first point is located at the center of the wall

Point pierces wall     Point pierces wall post punctures wall wild waters     Point points from wall to wall and word to word / I masturbate common chord modulations     Point punctures wall home hook achromatic lament ground bass book aporia     Chromatic lament looks lunar or luna     Chromatic lament light basso profundo fumato wall wallop strappado world serpent / she found them in the desert region in the empty housing waste     Point parodies parrot exposition (metal gear?!)     I protect points plane lunar or luna stampede languages stampede pick point solar anus taryn passages peculiar

From this point to this point, passages: passages I imbue sexual antinomianism with eschatologies and mystical meaning     I open my appetite serpent kind (my anaconda don't want none unless you got buns hun)     I transform nihilism into greater zero and greater zebra     I translate nihilism to a different death of god and my death of god theologies (thanos thanatos taryn thunder the agony) plane train line dune death melody / melodic erotic desert death drinking guard gods     gods gem gall long circular ruins rock and stone twelve tone rows     ben blood bar bastard basket basking shark shell gun orgasms / my breasts blood suck body horror     My breasts bite bare body eschaton bone (Nothing so appalling in the annals of horror!  You’ll recoil and shudder as you witness the slaughter and mutilation of nubile young girls – in a weird and horrendous ancient rite!  BLOOD FEAST   More grisly, even in blood color)     I feast on the blood of gods gore horns chromatic ground bass lunar melodies     I feast on the blood of girlish gods rite of spring louisiana lamp ghost light lights (Alan Moore’s Swamp Thing   Grant Morrison’s Animal Man) 

My body bruise blur boomerang blood / my blood clot batarang rain taryn antinomianism     My body arc absurd bodies comic comic extremely long bones     Long beetles swarm in and out of my body orifices over disorder chew many holes whole flesh tunnels     Beetles tunnel relaxing at the camarillo and bomb birds of paradise lunar or luna

I Explore All The Avenues The Tune Offers

No tunes, just a sonic storming of the heavens, the sound of longing unbound

Push sound     Push sound prayer sound prayer search serpent: sow serpents take the horn out of your mouth but I mouth horn constant     My mouth machines blue bull horns liturgy of the hours     You have to use some imagination to hear the song inside of it

No tunes but turn touch Taryn twice   touch twice trace taste Taryn   Taryn theme tower twist trick tempo     No tunes I count tempo

Push pure sound performance art     Push sound pulse impulse play performance     Push sound seer process prophecy and I pursue prophecy sound scripture sound poetry     Sound prayer search serpents: sow serpent now sound and I sound horned moon     I sound lunar horns take the horn out of your mouth but I do not take the horn out of my mouth     I mouth sound motion water mechanics mechanical bull mixed multitudes     I mix sound sound mixture ben begins the beach     I sound mix sounds sign jazz improvised gospel and I let the sound blend body body bow blood sound     Sound bow bay of blood ben beach blonde and sound steeps lunar horn horned steppe

I do not take the horn out of my mouth but mouth mixture mixtures top soil tetragrammaton

I do not take the horn out of my mouth but I mouth moon hell high mine sea     Sea slow sword sound mouth tenor saxophone serpent paw print tone row     My mouth machine mines moorland moor mother moon     My mouth moon mirror silver bull horn hell liturgy of the hours     I hear hours cave mouth and moon mouth map ship imagination ink sons

Push sound cross klang     Cross klang autoclave collage collage chymistry     Cross collage car chymistry coin-operated arcade machines / push sound Ms. Pac-Man

Push sound cross klang     Cross klang hang bang classic quartet     I quick klang classic quartet first great quintet second great quintet     Cross klang sang rain sheets of sound rain     Sheets of sound spell sprawl calls bird bell yardbird yahweh / yahweh klang reed waters water redshift     Waters redshift rhizome room roma cross     I roam cross as camera or human photograph and I photograph accidental bodies

(Boulevard du Temple, Paris, 3rd arrondissement, Daguerreotype. Made in 1838 by inventor Louis Daguerre, this is believed to be the earliest photograph showing a living person. It is a view of a busy street, but because the exposure lasted for 4 to 5 minutes the moving traffic left no trace. Only the two men near the bottom left corner, one apparently having his boots polished by the other, stayed in one place long enough to be visible. As with most daguerreotypes, the image is a mirror image.)

I sound cross as accidental cameras and incident bodies: bodied ink flesh sink bone bowl

Sound human body blow overtones / heart harmonics klang camera harmolodics

Klang defanged chain gang mustangs     Klang chain gang cross ape out sine wave oscillator     Beat ‘em up top down perspective aporia desert desert drift / drift camera exposure naked     I drift gnarled camera rack body much wrench exposed ben naked

Cross klang clean it’s about that time     Cross klang clean camera capture call it anything     Camera drift desert directions directions     Desert clang cross orangutan boomerang     Klang catch hang claustrophobic cloisters cloud cross changes     Cloud cross collects con man tone clusters / catwoman tenor saxophone phantom camera     Cross klang cloud clock edit splice midwife     Midwife myriad cross klang sound matrix: material sound sessions on the corner     I sound session on the corner hi-hat pulse big fun     Cross klang boomerang overhang hag strum and drang     Cross camera draws desert drag plains mustangs

Also, I had an idea for your blog, says Asia.  In the future, if you publish your book, it’s not going to look like your blog at all.  So you should think about your blog as a place where you post book fodder or book seeds but the blog is not the book.  I say all this to say that you should expand your idea of the book and the blog.  I also think that people might enjoy it if you posted a few essays about your writing process and your own personal struggles with your writing and your sense of identity, says Asia.

Everything is purged from this painting but art: no ideas have entered this work (Everything is purged from this writing including art; no ideas have entered this book) (Everything is purged from this writing except the apparitions of the names of various women: Krystal, Christina, Taryn, Asia…) (Everything is purged from this writing except Asia; her ides envelope the work)

Yeah, you’re right: I should think about the blog more flexibly.  I told you about the artist Tehching Hsieh before.  He did year long pieces during the 1970s and 1980s – like for a year, he did not allow himself to enter a building effectively making him homeless, one year he spent tied to artist Linda Montano, one year he punched a time clock every hour… What he did is extensively document these performances.  I saw a video recently on his work.  For his time clock piece, he took a photograph every single time he did punch the clock.  And he had friends come and document it and make it official.  So even though the performance part was ephemera, the documentation and commentary on the piece still exists.  I think your point about the blog is it’s not equivalent to the Book – it can be something different too, it can be a documentation and commentary and exploration of the Book too.  Let me know if I’m interpreting you incorrectly.  Yeah, that sounds like what I’m trying to say, says Asia.  OK, I am curious about this then – what if I write an essay for the blog, but then incorporate it into the Book later as part of the Book?  Would you approve of that kind of ambiguity and flexibility?  Yeah, why not? Says Asia.  Though you should know that it might lead you to editing less of your other writing and you might need to come to terms with that, says Asia.

The piece I referred to in the above conversation:  One Year Performance 1980 to 1981  (Statement.  I, SAM HSIEH, plan to do a one year performance piece.  I shall punch a time clock in my studio every hour on the hour for one year.  I shall immediately leave my time clock room, each time after I punch the Time Clock.  The performance shall begin on April 11. 1980 at 7 PM and continue until April 11, 1981 at 6 PM…)

I write time taryn everything     Time taryn theater traffic trillium time     Time time taryn alternating static time rhizome telegram trim     Tireless taryn time tips teaspoons spin snore taxonomy / Cornelius Cardew Treatise     I tear time from text: the text which spirals counterpoise witch erotic (Any man could have her… But only the hardest was a match for SWEET GEORGIA   She was ready, willing, and even hotter than the sun.  She made play boys into play things!)

Text Taryn spirals counterclockwise cloud texts klang     Klang push sound puns and palindromes / repetitive patterns of sounds that lead to scatological or obscene associations: to pulsating human activity

I eliminate ideas aisles inset insects apophatic acupuncture     I deconstruct ideas eyeballs antlers unerased apophatic (pale face said to the eyeball kid she just go clank and boom and steam)

Klang clank crank     Klang crank crank klang crank crank blood bang boomerangs     Klang clank crank copulate crosses and crucifixions     Crucifixions crank flank prank April Fool’s Day fakeout endings and parody slashers / slashers foreshadow my self-aware postmodernism     Book parodies Book my bodys lashed film strip slasher striptease     Clank clownfish tank escapade aquarium tank turrets: turret taryn tor mer stripper poles     Crank outflanks snowbank ship shoelace solar windows     Window body boat bone clank and boom and steam     I scream steam stimmung cicada dada desert

Window body boom bloom witch broom blind book     Book boom broom bloom music mushroom musics     Book boom funeral doom door doppelganger god gods bell witch     I ring bell witch boombox boardroom legumes ledger lights     Boombox experiment perfume     boombox experiment taproot rhema rhizome     I experiment excess boombox waiting room (everybody’s moving moving moving please don’t leave me to remain in the waiting room)     I experiment emergency root dynamics stream steam she’s such a scream     She steam blood scream extreme jet pulse body propulsion     Blood pulses ben body slashes boombox screams

I’m trying to approach my writing more flexibly, I say.  I’m trying to count pages less in my “official” final draft notebook and more just try to count making progress and brainstorming… I’m trying to change it to be about the whole creative process, not just final output.  I’m lad to hear that, says Asia.  You were too rigid.  That’s why I said to put emphasis on the process.  The process keeps going and going, she says.  Yeah, you're right, I say.  It just takes a long time to train my brain you know.  I understand, says Asia.

I desert idea igor stravinsky les noces / nocturne frankenstein’s bride     Frankenstein’s bride paints brush black bold strokes stroke my brain ischemic devoid ideas iguanodon

I scream steam morpheme morphine and grapheme graphite more myth / mainstream whipped cream wet dream

The aspect I find most challenging about the Book: transitions     to transition from one stanza to the next, one section to the next, and utilize the connections and associations effectively and completely     I study the word and the language of scream: I attempt to explore every permutation, combination, and association with scream     What John Coltrane said: they’re long because all the soloists try to explore all the avenues that the tune offers… They try to use all their resources that the tune offers… Everybody has quite a bit to work on…     I have quite a bit to work on     I explore all the possibilities of scream or clank or clang, and use the word to create new language     Once I explore and create new language – the challenge then – TRANSITION     I write troublesome transition from language to another language (I think of the second superstring revolution:  In the early 1990s, Edward Witten and others found strong evidence that the different superstring theories were different limits of an 11-dimensional theory that became known as M-Theory… The different versions of superstring theory were unified by new equivalences… These were known as S-duality, T-duality, and U-duality, mirror symmetry, and conifold transitions…) (I too would like to find creative and insightful transitions and translations and mappings between languages – not anywhere near as rigorous, but I hope still surprising, provocative, and evocative – give me that monstrous moonshine transitions and connections)

Instead of looking at things, look between things

I look lattice ladybug matrix     Look last house on the left dagger taryn lapdance     Christina through the looking glass glow sand camera cross human photograph / I have always been very interested in photography… I have looked at far more photographs than I have paintings     I photograph afar body glass transition through a glass darkly

I look process sound no transition but volumes     My interest in the instrument: a sound-making device, not a note-making device

I look Christina through the looking glass bell body     Ben and Christina BELLS TOGETHER     Bells together bell witch window towers towers tone cluster towers     I look between fingers and toes: empty space then transition     I chop off fingers and toes with a heavy cleaver / clever clearer cross garlic cloves empty space     Body always spaces space a starward space open star wars     Star wars strut space storm trooper implode cyclops ideas idiot wind benjamin     Idiot wind katzenjammer kid benjamin we’re idiots babe it’s a wonder we still know how to breathe

She’s such a scream stabs habit blood on the tracks     Blood clanks book body iron immense in marginal emendation run amok 

Do you think the language in the Book is beautiful? I say.  Sometimes, yeah, says Asia.  What makes it beautiful to you?  How it sounds or the association it creates.  Do you I should try so you feel it’s beautiful all the time?  I guess so.  Is that really what you're going for all the time? says Asia.  That’s why I wanted your feedback on it.  Asked my friend Violet too.  (Do you think I write beautiful sentences? I ask Violet.  I wouldn’t say you write sentences but I think you write beautifully, says Violet.  How would you describe my basic unit of length then?  I don’t know if it fits into a category, she says.  It just goes until it stops)  I feel like making every line beautiful would contradict things that you are trying to do, says Asia.

I want to write the beautiful line all the time     I want to write the walls of my skull bend backwards and in like labyrinth all the time     Labyrinth looks ladybug marginal emendation run amok     I inlay two cone copies of the Book into longer sheets to make room for all the revisions     My scrawling alterations cover all the generous white space and insert the marginalia into three different locations into the original text

What Do I Love When I Love My God?

I sum sound stranger long line     I imagine line length as sound: votive offering vibration duration drive sieve rain     Rain line reed rush low now nonlinear     Lopsided line loud lipstick kiss kickball backstop / sting sing loop time     I find myself trapped in a time loop and I dive through the portal to the Big Bang, and I intercept the beam draining the Big Bang and I become The Phantom Stranger

Non line sound sum phantom interference fragrant agent orange     Non line sound no snow sum long bone lattice

Line lure new sound fish they’re serving fish in the jailhouse tonight

Line linea lamina bone longitudes     A liquid length lampshade paws shadow onto bone: I map bone to bone brine liquid     I line my eyes liquid lipstick jar starfish     I layer the lines looping phantoms     I layer ghost slower

I swing my arms fallen angels and my side slits open separate water and blood     My side skewer streaks grain stain Ha-Satan and Yahweh     I look at the language fire snow straw rowboat / rowboat burrowing owl carnal

I walk the earth for all time condemned to never learning how to swing my arms

I swing my arms additions wild wirework

Slow shadow languages / an iron with fourteen thumb-tacks glued to its sole showers slow languages slink sex shadow meteor showers / the model’s torso mode musical instruments

Lucent love language lathe lucy in the sky with diamonds     I lamb lomb lot love language laughters     

Saint Augustine:  What do I love when I love my God? … Can I do anything other than translate this sentence by Saint Augustine to my own language and laughter

I translate Taryn into the alchemical tincture of my languages: language seven churches seven lampstands     Barbaric white light languages ben adam human hush children of men     Translate taste Taryn tongue oral torah raw fires / Then at one point I did not need to translate the notes; they went directly to my hands     Translate torn scribe speech Taryn scratch body wrench

I translate Jacques Derrida’s language into my question and language     Language questions my language eye interrogation: my queer quest for woman   for Christina cool queen Mab     What do I love when I love my God: I love Woman     I love Asia Among Aphids Eyelids Ladybugs     I love Taryn time without time tetractys terror / tortoise holy roman emperor     I love Christina stations of the cross crows mystic rose crimson     I love Krystal kontakte khora cave mouth monstrosity    I love afternoon rain evening eva resurrects for me there will be soft rains     Sure shad shadow shimmers: her shine snail rain

I still feel too precious with my writing: feel out the written word as raw material to be cut and arranged as marble or to be assembled broad bricoleur     Kingdom of the skies suspensions and cantilevers     Write nonsense and work nonsense then cut sculpt scrape more nonsense slime and residue     Sound fucked up syntax no continuity / rhizome residue discontinuous cut clean cunt writing less precious but experiment (How will I drink from that stream?  How will my heart sing your praises?  How will I lay down in green grass fields when my soul is so afraid to rejoice?)

I look long line     I look lone line nonlienar laps lattice look light     I look light line exoskeleton body sketch hex happenings     Hex text body tapestry electric trap set Taryn     I set two trap sets and I play double rhythm the time more plastic / time more Taryn multiple tempo strata     Multiple tempo strata play long line torpedos / green and submarine echoes

I Rearrange And Transform The Old Into New

I distance myself from the tunes through melodic distortion     I distance distance dynamic     Distance dynamic a scanner darkly / rationals dense in the reals     Distort writing dark: dense dark eye eye piston     I distance     I distance den din dark mark: gospel of mark street sharks     I totally negate pitch relationships     I negate pitch text tent train cement     I text sound as space     I text sound space squared on being an angel number one     One only circles assemblage angels celestial accumulation     Sound sharp swarm angel     Space speculum that doesn’t shine

I work sound space work     I work sound space melodic rainbow line work     Rainbow line slice work skull: I hang at the place called the skull and my skull in mimetic camouflage flare polka dot blood     Blood brash shark body / free music is a new blues

I follow melodic rainbow runner rain into fields     I follow fields flow flaw fields fur / flaw follow unfinish   unfinish film fun field pornography   unfinish familiar / featureless face to face

My face fuse following field fuses fusion

The texture remains fluid yet shaped by the progression of events

I follow far forget flesh but face     Face far scar star burn scan / scantron tetragrammaton   blue box test two witnesses   witness word far burning ben ben fields     Face fire rhythm furniture: stackable chairs, folding table     Chairs stacked human bodies yet another day alone I awake up in these chairs     Chair child of humanity machines additional chair dream (If you still have nightmares about the shower scene Psycho... Close your eyes when Sugar steps into the tub   What Wendy just saw them do will make you sick to your stomach… if it doesn't make you faint first!  If you can’t take a lot of blood don’t go see THE HORRIBLE HOUSE ON THE HILL) 

My face blooms blood bozo red red sphinx riddle   riddle baby rattle kaboom   rattlesnake sleep snare-drum     My face flowers blood swamp sleepy hollow on being an angel halo harrowing of hell hangover / erratic attic blood bosom     Blood boil billow silo holy ghost

I follow the melodic rainbow line lured nonlinear leed lamp lead led zeppelin zebra

I discovered the traditional purpose for making music: to imitate nature in her manner of operation and to sober and quiet the mind thus making it susceptible to divine influences.  Thus I was freed from expression…

Discover desert and discover desert music     Discover desert dream seamless music serpent sonatina

Discover desert making music     Make music: make anything odd angels     Odd number angels pulse pythagorean gustatory grammar     Odd number archegrammar angels augmented coat hangar corpse airplanes     Coat hangar horrible house on the hill hostile harsh discover     Hostile holistic sharp harps desert dress attack

I discover desert music mouth texas chain saw massacre     I saw saw chain saw seer stream stresses (I follow the melodic nonlinear harpoon desert harpoon / human hack chair bicycle saw chain mouth chew chassis)

I follow experiment and I discover experiment / avant-garde excess     Avant-garde god abstract gesture     I gesture textures tour tapestries / I experiment field tapestry and field mural

Experiment experiment excess imitate excess ire ben body brush brush rush / ostinato surgical operations

I search     I search and I do not find     I do not find and my flesh falters     My flesh founds formal mammoth cave system / flesh chain saw system man machine     My flesh found formal mammoth cave system / flesh cascades and flesh chambers     Key clay flesh consonance and dissonance (the overtone series on C with primary lower intervals and derived C major triad)

I search experiment     Experiment ur insect underground gown avant-garde     I search experiment cotton crown / chromaticism outweighs diatonicism and nonharmonic tones overshadow harmonic tones

I talk tones chinese telephone experiment     I talk tones take turn tome pantonal     Talk tear trail ton taste experiment     I tone tongue taryn torah tap tank atonal     Tone trash experiment star mar mad math

(I feel frustration     I see the dream wing desert detuned desert     I see the dream dream set cells atonal) (Rather than set up small engines of motivic materials and let them run free in a kind of random play of counterpoint, I use the fabric of continually repeating ells to forge large architectonic shapes, creating a web of activity that, even within the course of a single movement, reveals more detail, more variation, and knows both light and dark, severity and turbulence)

I feel frustration     I see dream wing desert word sword draw desert cells: cell saw chain engines     Cell chain saw engine middle english eye oar architecture     Chain combine corridor corrode shape laboratory free dream     I dream free frustration     Son of Man frustrates furniture music stations of the cross sabbatai sevi     Seeds of Seth shape single section movement body frustration     Seth chain saw spectral speech / oral torah taryn tetragrammaton trance retrace counterpoint: I still cannot make it concrete in Written Torah / Nag Hammadi Codex

Book frustrates and I wrestle writing     Book frustrates my flesh blisters brighter gestures     I wrestle writing motivic materials run rain rain run asymmetry     Wrestle writing express experiment gesture improvisation     Improvisation mediation immediately and at once the spirit drove him into the desert and he remained there for forty days and was put to the test by the Accuser     I write among the wild animals and animals project pulse materials (motivic materials chain massacre funeral march)

I see the light only shooting forth great rays of light

Asia rains light light runner light     Asia rains light light romance rain / light loom romantic     I write Asia approximately Sophia and Shekinah a triangle similar and congruent I write Taryn approximately Sophia and Shekinah     Asia atmosphere sheer rain shines Shekinah and I write first conversations in the beginning     I write and archive rains and rivers Asia only ocean and I eventually enjoy even the bad conversations with Asia (I think just putting important parts would be best, says Asia.  Yes, but there’s a lot of important parts, I say)     Asia run rain rhizome rains circular ruins and if she left off dreaming of me all light when light no spread through window     I lurk in her light     I lurk in her light eclipse toon ellipsis Christina cunt cyclops

I surround shine shadow shine and sometimes I obsess Asia rivers rains lakes lights lights like I obsess with anything     I surround shine shrine of the silver monkey most materials monomanias     Moon moon Asia monomanias mimic light lunacy lunatic laboratory     Most Asia marshlight moon monomanias mechanical animal olive oil origins     Still, Asia tolerates me like Taryn tolerates me like Christina tolerates me     I tolerate her happily too

Write Cecil Taylor energies     Write Cecil Taylor improvisations different time I follow melody     I follow Asia feral fang languages / nonlinear time simultaneously time     The melody contains enough rhythm and energy to stabilize the music and moves it forward / each instrument performs melodic and rhythmic roles and time keeping loses its importance amid the flow of continuous energy

I play a time smeared ben body blur something different something else     Play nonlinearly     Play time contaminated time block time eternal present deconstruction     Play nonlinear optics I fucked up mirrors     Flesh strobe fucked up mirror through a scanner darkly     I write without time time without time crucifixions / urgrund groundless golotha     Time without time past contaminating present contaminating future contaminating past spiral galaxy galaga ouroboros     My body babel barbaric time baritone untoned blizzard     The rope dancer accompanies herself with shadows     Time shade body slender cycle shackle awake: I awake body dance shadow time barbaric ben hinnom     Time without time pure dada creations continuous pure desert

I set the tempo and go     I start at full intensity and I do not deflate or peak: I plow intense plateau     I plow intense lines nonlinear palm tree garden     I disregard the band and I explore the textures: fool around with short, sweet melodies     I fool around fractals and fragments

I write run-on languages short motivic cells / small engines of motivic material     Run on rain cell clash clang run     Run sun sun cell I play much more of the instrument (Jackson Pollock Number 31, 1949   oil, enamel, aluminum paint and gesso on paper mounted on masonite)     I sequel cry and wail the writing stranger swing

Dear stranger, do you swing your arms yes?  No pressure.  I wonder, do your extremities deal with cold?

Sketch stranger surprise language     Surprise war word nightjar warble (hammer your plowshares into swords your bill-hooks into spears)     I surprise with strange spear / the wound can only be healed by the spear that made it

Sketch the phantom stranger two cocks cocked as large .50 caliber revolvers     Revolver sketch fun from rear nitro neon nitrous acid nitrous oxide / language laughing gas goombas     Laughing gas gilligan’s island eye explosion     Strange star porno stilts (tricolor carbro process and autochromes   multiple exposures over negatives)     I swing my arms like this   I walk like this   I talk like this (Remember Eddie?  When I killed your brother, I talked just like THIS!)      I swing my arms Secret Origins Volume 2, Issue #10, a variation of the Wandering Jew story     Spared god’s wrath by an angel, I question god’s actions and commit suicide and the angel prevents my spirit from entering the afterlife (I dream I fall headlong and burst open and all my entrails pour out) (Nobody knows the trouble I’ve been through nobody knows but Jesus   Nobody knows the trouble I’ve seen glory hallelujah)


Conversations with Asia 07/09/2020 3:53 AM

Would you like to read an excerpt from 2010? I say.  Sure, says Asia.  [I send Asia an excerpt entitled Harvey Pekar (excerpt from the book Bunnies For Christina, originally posted to my blog on July 9, 2020].  It’s different from your work now, says Asia.  I like it thought.  Yeah, I have gone through a few different styles but I think they all sound like me.  Did I ever send you excerpts in my oldest style?  [I send Asia two excerpts:  Christina Singular (excerpt from Bunnies For Christina, posted on July 8, 2020, and Creation Myth from Bunnies for Christina, posted July 5, 2020].  It’s interesting because it seems like you use less words as time passes, she says.  I don't know if that’s good or bad, I say.  Could be you are getting more efficient, says Asia.  But I have noticed your older work has more narrative qualities to it while your newer work focuses more on themes.  I might try to do more narrative in the future, I say.


I haven’t written more narrative; I’ve gotten farther into myth and work more sound and play and constellation     How narrative: that interests me as a question     How does a middle-age ben write a narrative now (the closest thing I’ve come to narrative: writing about my experiences in the nursing program and my experiences with Taryn)     How narrative: a series of windows     Each window a short prose poem or microfiction, not necessarily related except by their juxtaposition     Short story sequenzas or song cycles / short story syncopations   circular rain rhythms     Expect me to abandon this idea like I abandon all my other ideas but I do like the idea of a collection of narrative miniatures arranged all on the same page     I go back to the room and write

(Nobody knows the trouble I’ve been through nobody knows but Jesus   Nobody knows the trouble I’ve seen glory hallelujah) (Yahweh abandons Jesus too     I too trouble transmigration and transmutation eloi eloi lema sabachthani     Yahu abandons incomplete incompletely)

Charles Ives and Wolfgang Rihm inspire me to revisit my past work and rearrange and transform them anew     I will rearrange and transform excerpts I send to Asia through new inspiration / experience / experiment (Wolfgang Rihm does not always regard a finished work the last word on the subject – for example the orchestral work las offene… (1990) was completely rewritten in 1992, and then used as the basis for his piano concerto Sphere (1994), before the piano part of Sphere was recast for the solo piano work Nachstudie (also 1994)) (The Guardian wrote in 2012 on Wolfgang Rihm: enormous output and bewildering variety of styles and sounds

Experiment Excrement

What is painting trace human body     She uses body folds and endlessly explores a model when zigzag and v-shaped geometric forms connect with the architecture     My body paints camera Christina cunt cataract calls to cataract

I paint and nail crucifixion canvases     I incorporate found objects into the crucifixions     I incorporate found angels and angels irradiate my eyes islands spiders spinning

I paint aim ox ochre oxide neat nitrogen     Paint aim them blight electronics tonic clonic khora     Electronic elea kraftwerk khora / comic section circuits     I paint pale patterns play experiment     I experiment eye intensities insect intensities (I want to write more explicit experiments     Write explicit pornographic activity active insect experiment)

An experiment     An experiment: a body  a boat  a book     An experiment ben body adam desert suicide with supplementary sources and redaction layers     Ben adam blood blood accumulates geologies and archaeologies     An experiment in terror: an experiment in terror interior tugboat tetragrammaton     Grammar jaguar galaxy experiment     Unmade machine matte paint meat languages     Unmade mixolydian jazz loft matador bebop

EXPERIMENT EXCREMENT

EXPERIMENT EXCREMENT escape slate surf sleet sulfur EXPERIMENT EXCREMENT     (Would you like to hear my new writing motto I came up with yesterday? I say.  Sure, says Asia.  EXPERIMENT EXCREMENT.  It has multiple meanings.  First meaning: make shit.  Second meaning: explore and in the exploring it’s OK to make shit – bad – writing.  Third it makes me think of the movie Holy Mountain, which is a crazy surrealistic movie using astrology and tarot imagery.  There's a line:  You are excrement… You change change yourself into gold… So transform my shit into gold.  I like it, says Asia)

I paint and nail crucifixion canvases     Paint pane park pigment / path plath plink plank pigment park punk     Punk pan parade park brook splatter pigment     I paint corner and light from the corner crucifixions     Crucifixion combines constellations configurations / black flag film noir posters false flag operations

I paint a series of angels aggressively protruding into a room largely painted white     I smear white light lamp space spear speech angels     Light light redaction layers comic stone

What is writing     What writings written what write     What write this painting / collective assemblages of annunciations twist stake machinic assemblages     What writing my body written paint assemblages / collected crucifixions     I make the multiple mixed multiple crucifixions crane crossbars barre chord chaosmos

What write Asia among rivers written written     A kind of noir a kind of blue blues and the abstract truth     What write gestural god gold abstraction     Gesture writing Raymond Pettibon paint black flag bone bronze orange noir / crucifixion contrasts     Crucifixion contrasts chicago window     Window worship whip zip zebra worship     What write los angeles lacks all colors but I paint an aggressive assemblage of angels spherical angels mow membranes

Do you sense how all the parts of a good picture are involved with each other, not placed side by side?

All awl all parts bone witches     All awl all all bone ball witches watch     Watch watch word part     Part path path strata parallel pictures dark     Part dark park parallel pictures dark     Part dark park pictures: side by side human bodies (a beautiful woman by day – a lusty queen by night THE WASP WOMAN)     Wasp all awl are word rip: awl rip are word witch in parts     Part witch advances cardaic life support protocols     Wind wasp toy parts: light emitting dioide desert picture     I do not play the part but I place part part: part wasp woman windows     I paint this picture plague wasp wings

What is painting wasp water     All the parts of a good picture play page     Play page plague page part part     ben body part picture part witch: witch wasp wing micropolyphony

I try to write this new thing     I try to write free jazz new thing: thing thought tetragrammaton white light     I try to write something new places side by side white light     White light side by side white light rhythm rough blues body (the unorthodox corpse / the velvet vixen)     I try to write Christina voluptuous sex kitten     I squeeze the paint directly from the tube sculptures black and white tendrils     I write tall taryn tendrils power drill unorthodox corpse / head like a hole black as your soul

Velvet vixen triptych varnish vellum / side by side flesh palimpsest     Flesh scrapes slate new watercolour     Unorthodox corpse exquisite corpse dead picture     Chalk shock imaginary pine clock picture     I collect chalk cord sword witch weave     I weave velvet vixen bone matrix     Velvet weave chalk window wide word was wharf meadow

What is painting what is writing side by side serpent sequences     Serpent sur sequence street art shark salt shaker: what writing ben bereshit

Art is a creation for the eye     Eye appears to me bullfighting images / torture icons     I obsess eye: inner eye escape eye extract     I express eye obsession: an eye ostinato pulse source impulse     Eye impulse escape eye extract (The video talks about how difficult it is to exhibit photos of W. Eugene Smith.  He was so prolific, it’s impossible to exhibit his work in a cohesive way… I feel a similar challenge.  I don’t know if I updated you on this but I think there’s like 17 volumes of the book now, and over 2 million words.  I will be egotistical this once and say it’s good stuff.  It is stuff no one else is doing the same way, it is always interesting stuff.  I think it’s true Book stuff.  Obviously, I am having you helping me make it better, but I still feel my past work I have vetted is great american novel shit.  So I do find it a challenge to get this stuff out there… I think it’s common for creative to be both egotistical about their work and also very self-critical about it.  I find that’s part of the creative process.  For me being bipolar I think it exacerbates it a lot.  I still contend I’m writing stuff that’s visionary…)

My eye eddys eye abscess cinder insects     My eye eddys eye ire abyss slide sorcery     I injure my eye ein ink ejects eye intensities     I scrutinize my eye as a picture blind pint painting     Eye idea iridium error / a nocturnal anal eye     My eye enters my eye at the summit of my skull horrible erupting volcano     My skull summit eye dazzles sun necessarily on fire     My eye links sun fire to son of man logos

Art is a creation for the eye and can only be hinted at with words     I hit ship hip-hop many words holy wounds hitch knot apostasy     Art apostatizes anarchic and my eye schisms split eye / eye split silent hill mannequin nurses: her nurse creeps spectrogram spiders all ways wings wasps     Her words hints allways wings wasps sharp     Spider sharpen web camera head biotechnical tentacles / doctor octopus platypus possum children shouldn’t play with dead things

Carve cross multiple canvases     I hang the canvas     I hang canvas canvas various struck wooden items – log drum, wood block, violist’s skull     Canvas cut cross taxicab multiples / the orchid does not reproduce the tracing of the wasp it forms a map with the wasp, in a rhizome)

Various canvases strike animated mannequin words rhizome wasp languages     Canvas velours vertical: the knowledge of the cone     I imagine the eye differently so I write new: cones unorthodox corpse queen cataclysms     Cone quiet but intense eye     I eye a specimen of Psephurus gladius preserved at museum of Hydrobiological Sciences

Eye cone eye myth multiples machines

Eye conic sections secretions eye myth: in the eyes constantly the eyes flaring little stories little forms and scrapes     Eye myth mouth multiplicities     I paint the images directly onto my eye     I paint images flesh feedback through the physiology of the proximity of the eye and the brain     I make a myth that is just vision (I think I’m always going to struggle with the feeling I’m not creating enough, I say.  I hope you won’t be too harsh with me because of that.  It’s OK to struggle, says Asia.  I just don’t want you to be harsh with yourself, she says.  I will do my best, I say.  I stand by what I said about my writing: I think it’s visionary and it’s important.  I would hope you agree but I have to keep doing it even if you don’t.  I do agree with that, says Asia.  Now if you excuse me I have to share a dumb cat meme with you, she says.)

My eye experiment interest knowledge of the cone     My eye experiment / yet another day alone I wake up in these chairs

Yet another day alone I wake up in these chairs

Yet another day alone I wake up in these chairs / I chew the chair certain continuity     I chew chair chewing tobacco tetragrammaton     Chair swivel sword of moses glossolalia grammar / seal sex syntax     I chew chair chisel gristle fat my face fat flow furnace harness horses horses horses     Chair harsh horses horses horses hellhole happen happier panic     Panic porch light torchlight largo locusts     I chomp chair confusion composite cigarettes     I smoke chair plastic plague doctor hood fume / I control the frequencies vertical horizontal fusion of horizons we are controlling transmission     Transmission smokes tetragrammaton fume flame flash fiction     Flesh flash fiction physics furnace     Flesh fume fidget flex hex runaway horses

I swim horses stranglehold languages     I swim languages water horses strangle ocean distortion     I swim shears glow horses word sea     I sign sweep gorgeous gospel gospel and I see     I see eye myth what did you go out into the desert to see a reed swaying in the breeze (I want to write an experimental and new language and a beautiful awe-inspiring language simultaneously     I want this new languages to loosen light nonlinear light John Coltrane sheets of sound     beautiful beautiful     I still have to figure it out)     What did you go out to the desert and see: eye myth multiples intensities yet another day alone I wake up in these chairs     My chair twin table sea a reed swaying in the breeze: breeze slice sleaze my eye sorcery     breeze slack slinky desert dress kiss to see a prophet     I prophesy much more shaman-prophet: look I am going to send my messenger in front of you to prepare your way before you

I follow the melodic rainbow line and lie with the clouds in breaking sunbeams

I follow the melody camera bloom apocalypse and resurrection

I follow the melody and I follow the melody language musics / broadway musical Christianity (This is Julien Baker.  She writes and plays music.  I listen to her album “Sprained Ankle” a lot when I’m sad.  I was reading some interviews with her and I wanted to share some snippets.  These are collected from two interviews [“God, shame, and redemption: how Julien Baker wrote her best album yet, written by Marianne Eloise, published February 04, 2021 on Louder; “Julien Baker ‘I saw music as religion’” by Ellen Peirson-Hagger, published February 17,2021 in The New Statesman]

....

While she finds the zealous dedication of that child funny, Baker views her past self with sympathy. “I look back on that kid with genuine mercy. Not pity,” she says. "There’s also something so absolutely pure in how I was like, ‘if God exists, how is that not the most interesting thing in the world?’” She explains it to me, a heathen, like this: “Think about if you thought that by reading books or meditating or praying or doing any kind of religious practice, that you could better know the thing that invented you? Yeah, I would devote my whole life to that.” 

....

That drive also extends to her music. “Even something like, ‘I’m going to reach a point as a musician where I can do enough scales fast enough or I feel like I’m the best musician I can be.’ That point doesn’t exist. It’s a disappearing horizon, and so is being a good person.” 

At first, Baker felt devastated by her idea of "good and evil and god” changing. "The bottom fell out of everything – 'I don’t even know why I do any of the things I do anymore, so why continue to?' – it was very nihilistic there for a minute.” 

Now, though, she says the realisation is freeing.

...

Worship, for her, has taken on new forms. “I just really think about human beings. I sit around and think about my friends. I think about my behaviours and I try to do better things with my time and with my energy, that will serve a body – not the people in my church, but the people in my city.”

....

"That’s something that’s taught by church: this prodigal and reconciled nature. But when you stop thinking about that ultimatum, it’s really helpful. I don’t want to think of ‘old’ and ‘new’ me; I’m the same me. I have the same tendencies and personality traits – I just changed the way that I thought about God." 

...

Sorry I know that's a lot but I am feeling something for it right now) 

I miss God     I miss God my breathing grows weaker and the gravediggers gather for me     I miss God suffers are my only comparisons their harshness haunts my nights     I miss God because I prophesied God and in my anguish I pray all the more earnestly and great drops falls to the ground like great drops of blood

God gorgeous guillotine brings blood languages linger body length     God gorgeous guts human body slit juices (Skank strips pisses at Karl Marx’s grave!  Public slut desecrates holy rest!)  (I piss skunk skank razors blood nudie-cuties and roughies) (I dream myself in St. Peter’s Basilica and its walls shimmer cave walls     I let loose loudest human fart biologically possible and it echoes with increasing reverberations solar anus vaporwave)

When they reached a place called the skull, there they crucified him and the two criminals, one on his right, the other on his left.  Jesus said, Father, forgive them; they do not know what they are doing.  Then they cast lots to share out his clothing.

I follow the melodic rainbow line and lie with the clouds in breaking sunbeams     I follow the cross crucifixions or catastrophes