Disintegration Of The Decalogue In The Desert

This secret appears in the Book of Adam.  When darkness aroused, it aroused intensely, thereby creating Hell, clinging to it in that conflict.  As the seething fury subsided, conflict of a different type arose: a conflict of love.

The conflict of the book concentrates and compacts the conflict of the Book The conflict of the Book wrestles the writing wrestled towards the conflict of the book I wrestle the writing of the Book and I enrich the ripieno of the book and the riptide of the Book reveals the sea of reed rhizome I wrestle the writing compact time and concentrated time, and I turn the time taryn tessellation In the time of the Book of the time and I’ve found you’ve got to look back at old things in a new light

The conflict of the Book concentrates new light new nightshade Book sweeps sound (the conflict of the book burns bonfire sheets of sound) book beams new nightshade between ribs sea of reeds and ribs round tone rhizome (Book what night ben adam shade)

The conflict of the Book bands nightshade gnostic shadows: midnight nightshade meridian bit in the mouth

The Book in conflict mouths Christina underground and Christina cave mouth Christina ghosts crucify the Book bloody conflict and bloody comet (a portent of an apocalypse)

Christina continually crashes into the Book. Christina, whether present or absent, continually crashes in the Book, and she crucifies the pages. Her holy ghost scourges the Book at the pillar and crucifies its pages. Christina disrupts the desert of the Book: Christina deconstructs the undifferentiated desert of the book and transforms the desert into her combine and assemblages. Christina accumulates and aggregates other deserts onto deserts (John Luther Adams’ Become Desert). I become desert and my desert stirs deferred to an absent Christina. I don’t know how to (re)write a Christina hauntology.

This secret appears in the Book of Adam and its architecture implies Christina ghosts Its architecture constructs Christina ghosts as palimpsest and her diaphanous palimpsest still suffocates She gardens a haunted architecture: ghost concrete, ghost rebar, ghost brick-and-mortar Her architecture sculpts a porous palimpsest as many ghosts and I look at the harlequins I gaze harlequins my body displaced by a thousand bullet holes (I hang coffins Then like this in these coffins Then like this THIS in their coffins then these Then this this and thorns sprout coffins, the rays of the disk that follow the Great God: Christina of the Netherworld Christina the Mysterious One Christina the One of Caverns Christina of the Coffins Christina Who Combs the Catacombs)

This secret appears in the book of Adam but Christina appears archival apparitions

I join her jubilee year with split spark spiral catastrophes I join her jaws jagged ghosts: I join her jaw wolf worship and I worship her ghosts at the funeral pyre I worship the nude wolf body and I map Christina canyons earth porno armature / armory wolf appetite I jump ghosts jubilee year yat yur juliet wolf jaw glossolalia: Christina glottic glosses ark amplifier Her ghost amplifies morphemes mutate machine nonsense (I nurture nonsense annihilations holy nothing) Her holy nothing knots alexander amyl cathedral gnosis / Christina stop glot gnosis awry a my sun ra arkestra automation

This secret appears in the Book of Adam: I tell you, no virtue can exist without breaking these ten commandments Jesus was all virtue and acted from impulse, not rules…

Decalogue disintegrates in the desert: written word melts in the wilderness I hammer rigid word malleable malleable wild wind whip wick fire fires Decalogue dog star strips deep dark locust destroyer / I destroy decalogue dark desert desert Decalogue deconstruction deconstruction dive decalogue wilderness

Decalogue disintegrates into tonality diamond desert (to attain the multiple, one must have a method that effectively constructs it) Dress decalogue undress mess desert magma diamonds / I undress multiply bodies I undress multiply ghosts gown ghosts magma Christina Dress decalogue undress mess meanders desert magma Christina as magma and miasma molts human melt mannequins and queer marionettes

(Decalogue detached distance disintegration legato rubato)

Decalogue undresses detached distance disintegration loop legato rubato disintegrations disintegrations

Decalogue directional derivative dreams dossier Decalogue deciduous obliterates dossier obsidian / decalogue diagonal rain dreaming

I have been revisiting some old conversations I never recorded in the Book, I say. A theme of your advice is: Your vision doesn't come from God but from you; your vision is about you connecting with others and very human experiences; you can make God whatever you’d like and make God a better God for yourself (Over several conversations dating back to 2021). You change your mind a lot more slowly than I do and you’ve been consistent on those themes still I think. I have been reworking them into the Book and realizing it as an anarchic community of Ben and his friends. That's how you’re a co-author of the Book, I say. I’m OK with that, says Asia.

This secret appears in the Book of Adam. When darkness aroused, it aroused intensely, thereby creating Hell, clinging to it in that conflict. As the seething fury subsided, conflict of a different type arose: a conflict of love.

The conflict of the book orchestrates automatic arkestra afterburn bark bone char chaos chronology The conflicted Book ornaments automatic metals microphone titanium white / white join gyroscope light scatter stained glass mustard gas Book cuts stained glass mustard glass glint no god joint arithmetic ghost architecture Ghost attic tiles tumbles ball glass eye body / bark joint I gate no god I jazz no god trench warfare word made flesh terrorist tetragrammaton

Christina interrupts the impossible spine of the Book. Christina slices through the surplus of the Book, and she exceeds the Book. She exceeds the Book and I cannot describe her architecture or her ghost gardening: she eludes the language of the book, the language of Ben Adam and I disintegrate in the desert live the decalogue. I miss Christina. I keep searching for her in this endless desert endless nameless her name.

This Secret Appears In The Book

This secret appears in the Book of Adam.  When darkness aroused, it aroused intensely, thereby creating Hell, clinging to it in that conflict.  As the seething fury subsided, conflict of a different type arose: a conflict of love.

The secret of the Book reveals Ben Adam attached to the side of Christina Mara, waters of bitterness The secret of the Book submerges into bitter waters the secret of the Body I wrestle the Book as a body and I box the body bitter the underground leaves of the Book

I wrestle the writing the Book written and rewritten I wrestle the writing secret documents into the desert

This secret appears in the Book of Adam and I approach my body Ben Adam as anarchic asymptote and I wear the word wire whirlwind of the secret

I wrestle the writing Book written and rewritten rhizome and the rhizome reigns richer rhizome a palimpsest of rivers (Rivers meander a developing variations of visionary palimpsests)

This secret appears in the Book of Adam and I arrange its anarchic fragments further fragments fire lights

I wrestle the writings of the secret Book and I discover the Book deep secret I discover the Book dark desert and the desert aroused the darkness


This secret appears in the Book of Adam The secret discourse diverges towards the entrance of the desert, which is the marriage of heaven and hell I wrestle the writing and I do not wrestle the writing and the Book beckons as the Book The Book beckons as this Book and the Book beckons as the secret Book towards the site which all eyes gaze

I search the site this is where time becomes space: I search the site a species counterpoint towards the speculum that doesn’t shine I search site eye error interest in the beginning and this Book opens in the beginning This Book opens the secret of the Book which creates words, worlds, and universes

I search site open eye interest in the beginning I search eye sound sight shard search sharp benjamin bereshit

Book begins the secret of Ben Adam and Ben Hinnom Ben Hinnom begins bringing in the sheaves saturated bereshit I eye the site of bereshit saturated sap serpents (serpents twin twine the tree of life upside down)

Book begins but I do not know where to begin with the Book. The Book shrouds itself in secrets, that cloud of unknowing and that cloud of forgetting, and I too forget how to traverse the nonexistent map of the Book. The map of the Book beguiles the map of the garden of eden (A river rises in Eden to water the garden; beyond there it divides and becomes four branches. The name of the first is the Pishon; it is the one that winds through the whole land of Havilah, where there is gold. The gold of the land is excellent; bdellium and lapis lazui are also there. The name of the second river is the Gihon; it is the one that winds all the way through the land of Cush. The name of the third river is the Tigris; is the one that flows east of Asshur. The fourth river is the Euphrates). Like the map and travel through the Book, although the description tantalizes with some recognizable landmarks, the way to and through ultimately remains lost. I imagine the Book, like Eden, inhabits the entire Fertile Crescent, and its sprawl spills endless. Book begins and I merely boat through its primordial chaos. I drive wild through its dark that clings and coils hell, and I perform secret acts to write heaven and hell.

This secret appears in the Book of Adam: the site towards which all eyes gaze I gaze towards the Book secret serpents, twin fires that circle the tree of life upside down Upside down details desert a long screw and screw saturate site burn light jazz loft Screw saturated site human muscles bereshit downtown music

In the beginning downtown music improvises an endlessly mutable melody that spells the ciphers for hidden codexes

I wrestle the written Book and the Book written again ben adam I look ben son of man and its manic light liters letters jazz loft boxes

You should try stacking your cats like that, I say. That would not go well, says Asia. Your cats don’t like each other? That tolerate each other. They bond by beating the shit out of each other. Oh cool, that’s how I used to bond with my brother, I say.

This secret appears in the Book of Adam. When darkness aroused, it aroused intensely, thereby creating Hell, clinging to it in that conflict…

I quote the Book as if I invented the Book I inscribe the Book as if I bound the Book in its originary writing and its human skin but Book inevitably writes Ben Adam Book creates Ben Adam bereshit you are the one who writes and the one who is written Book rescues my soul midnight materials material mineral marble and it stacks my souls silver cats and cat book beatings Book salvages my bodies pirate ships / keelhaul khora crane katabasis

I stack the Book onto Books a profane palimpsest (She gave it away all over town: BOOKMOBILE BAD GIRL) I stack the Book on Books wheel in wheel crooked creatures (SIN ON WHEELS My husband is done for the day. Come on in and I’ll prove it) I tell you, no virtue can exist without breaking these ten commandments

This secret appears in the Book of Adam, an antinomian Ben Adam and Child of Humanity

It’s like five good poems put in a blender and then compacted into one mass, says Asia. I really enjoyed the first 100/200 words and you had a lot of really profound lines but they didn’t have room to breathe. I think adding more more space (maybe having distinct divides where there is a new idea / topic introduced or a change in tone). I also think that it might benefit from having some kind of consistent force that guides the reader through the piece to give it a little more cohesiveness. Like parallel structures, repeated phrases, or an idea or topic that you keep visiting and building on. I liked the part where you insert yourself with “I” – I felt like it recentered me while reading, slowed the pace down and gave me something to visualize. There are a lot of great parts and pieces but I got lost reading it, says Asia.

This secret appears in the Book of Adam: the repetition of the body and the repetition of the desert This secret appears in the Book of Adam: the repetition of woman and the repetition of KRYSXTRYN + Asia Rhizome I too get lost in the Book and its density bewilders me: its dense compact stations of the cross crushes me but I bricoleur and continually repeat and rearrange the fragments

I crack cork body Christina cross stop blacksmith (I search for Christina Blacksmith in online obituaries; many Christina Blacksmiths have lived and died but I haven’t found my Christina Blacksmith) I look towards the site which all eyes gaze but it does not give up its Christina secrets but only constructs taller towers of large cardinals Christina’s large cardinals creep cute all the site towards which all eyes gaze I gaze no god I gaze no god no body articulation molecular gastronomy hinge joints (I gaze no god no Christina absolutely deserts Desert details superimposed desert details stacked cat Book) Her being joint jabs enjambment ball-and-socket joint

Christina always disrupts the Book and the secrets of the Book of Adam splits in Christina blacksmith sparks She hammers the secrets and the Book breaks obsidian brittle bone (He left our frustrated shores behind and embarked on your book You have not left the book since You could not have but sometimes the space between the lines is so large that you seem to tread new ground The margins are so wide The book chains us together) (The secret of the book of Adam space so large I fall lost between the four rivers that surround the garden of eden) (Christina chains the Book to the Book and secludes the Book secrets)

I quote the Book as if I invented the Book I inscribe the Book as if I bound the Book in Christina’s skin and I sometimes I think I have but Christina invents the Book and binds my bones to its spines, a coptic binding of bones to paper letters Christina writes and rewrites the Book ben adam even in her absence / you are the one who writes and the one who is written Book resides in the leftover residue between Ben and Christina, and I continue trying to rescue and salvage the Book without her

I’m struggling without Christina and I feel alone without her. The feelings of being alone makes me feel like a bad friend to you, because you are here for me. But I have a hard time shaking this particular loneliness I’m feeling. I don’t want to be a bad friend to you nor undervalue our friendship. I feel very frustrated by the whole thing… But you are my best friend, Asia. That’s undeniable at this point. So I have faith we will be OK and I will be OK… You probably don’t think I’m a bad friend if I’m one of your best friends. I’m just struggling with my grief and with Christina’s absence and that’s OK. Grieving is complicated and not a reflection of our other friendships, including ours… I’m going to be OK, and our friendship is growing and good… I agree with what you said, says Asia, but you missed something. Grieving is not a character flaw or evidence of a character flaw, says Asia.

This secret appears in the book of Adam. When darkness aroused, it aroused intensely, thereby creating hell, clinging to it in that conflict

I wrestle the writing dark and the writing hell, and its hell hurries Yahveh of hosts and hosts in heaven…

I wrestle the writing desert dark and I’ve found you got to look back at old things and see them in a new light

Dark drives wild delirious and I sometimes entirely disintegrate in dark; the light does not resurrect but merely reveals the open drone of the dark. The dark rules over light, like the breath of Elohim hovering over Book abyssal waters. I wade in those bitter waters Christina Mara dark. Dark divides and writes simultaneously and I drive highway hypnosis dark. I drive desert dark looking for Christina absolute darkness.

I wrestle the writing dark but I’ve found you’ve got to look back at old things in a new light

New light delights new nightshade New nightshade blacksmiths between ribs what night musics Nightshade sneaks midnight music meridian bit in the mouth

Nonsense Is Nonsense

Nonsense is nonsense and an old shoe looks beautiful in this room     Nonsense is nonsense and an old shoe looks beautiful in this room / I like the coincidence     I like the coincidence the vine suggests sweet potato but notice the cradle of thorns     I like coincidence: I like coincidence and synchronicity     I like synchronicity surprise happenings     Happenings surprise secret name     Christina happens secret code Christianity     I like the synchronous violence to vision (skiff ferry militarized)

Nonsense is nonsense and Taryn names and renames time forest Taryn renames time forest rhizome and I live the coincidence I like her forest happenings Taryn happens forests a forest body happening that creates: Taryn forest creates concealed in the covenant and contained in the covenant Taryn forest repeats happenings and forest leaves my body unfinished nonsense My nonsense as gnosis: gnosis Taryn Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil

Nonsense is never merely nonsense but reveals something apophatic. Nonsense unveils something cave primal: cave salamanders searching for food in subterranean waters. Early modern humans inscribe the cave walls with aurochs and hunting magic. I too hunt nonsense and the nonsense opens animal: the nonsense opens my body as ox or as other beasts of burden receiving the burden of vision. I receive the burden of vision at first as nonsense but it slowly unfurls itself in my flesh as a kind of prima materia and I distill its language. I distill the nonsense into desert music and the melodies make apocalypse.

Nonsense is nonsense and an old shoe looks beautiful in this room I like the coincidence of Taryn’s forest Her forest happens in the echolocation of winter music and her forest happenings remix the musics new covenant Taryn enters the rose riding forest as nonsense happening but it reveals new knowledge: it reveals Taryn Tree Knowledge of Good and Evil

Taryn enters the rose rising forest her tree of the knowledge of good and evil

Taryn tips tent rose forest in a series of nonsense imitations and transformations She transforms nonsense into nonsense a renamed happening

Taryn forest reimagines image into imago gods metamorphosis Taryn renames and recreates image into imago, a metamorphosis of the covenant sown in forty-two couplings, her name engraved explicit name and explicit happening Her name engraves nonsense anew reveals forty-two letters in the act of creation

I create nonsense and I create nonsense is nonsense. I create nonsense name and narrative and I narrate act of creation. I narrate act of creation and the creative nonsense plays in the intersection of divine and human. Nonsense interprets human as divine and interprets divine as human; prophets and seers mediate in the interpretations. The interpretations always play rhizome and multiple. I create multiple nonsenses and multiple revelations / acts of creation.

Someone asked Jacques Derrida if he read all the books in his library, I say to Asia. He said he’d only read one book from it, but he’s read it very well. Perhaps we need to learn how to read one book or two books very well, I say. That requires slowing down, says Asia. Sometimes I think the world moves too fast. One time I had a conversation with my aunt about heaven. She said she hopes that heaven would be a place to learn and discover for eternity and never run out of things to learn. I agreed with her but now that I think about it, why doesn't she spend now doing that? Living with an open mind like a sponge, curious and full of wonder? Why wait until you die? says Asia.

Nonsense is nonsense and an old shoe looks beautiful in this room I read the book in intense nonsense and I read the Bible very well I read one book, the Bible, very well, and I spend my time copying the Bible into the Book Book extends forwards and backwards nonsense written myth and mythologically written Nonsense plays curious and open and the language pursues polysemous Language chases a polysemantics, a love supreme multiplicity Nonsense secretly encodes a word with the multiple meanings of a Book and then a library

Act of creation contacts forest syntax Creation kisses forest syntax jazz swing rhythm Creation wide rhythm riddim body forest ship letters Letters surge large Taryn Elohim Letters left large Elohim hang Taryn hauntologies

Forest gorges gods gorgeous george jazz jam Forest gorge ogres places cross crag Christina (Christina secludes herself in the action of creation and Christina vanishes in the nonsense is nonsense) Forest gems gorges crone megan chronos Forest carves chronos gorge glut gut janus as her name crass cave mouth metallic / clouds taste metallic Taryn Forest Taryn tags tears crag gore ghost gods / gods a place of affliction or lamentation gods a place of affliction weeping gods a place of sadness singing gods I speak the place of gods this is where time becomes space with great speed: speeding spaces forest spindles

Story idea, says Asia. Person is in a haunted house but all the ghosts turn out to just be alternate versions of themselves. Nice – you going to write it? I say. Hold up their partner – let’s not get carried away, says Asia. I was thinking there’s not much difference between poet and prophet, I say. The poet makes connections, knits together disparate images to make revelations, and arches towards the divine. They use whatever material necessary – the sacred, the profane, the pulp, the pornographic, other traditions and religions – to make the connections, I say. I believe that we use the chaos, the “vapor”, the fragments around us to cobble together meaning and divinity, says Asia. Like a quilt, she says. What makes some of us more adept at quilting than others? I say. Perfectionism, says Asia. Waiting until we have the right material instead of working with what we have, she says.

Nonsense is nonsense and an old shoe looks beautiful in this room I like the coincidence of the pulp room and the pornographic room converging towards divinity (Triple distilled horror… as powerful as a vat of boiling acid! SCREAM AND SCREAM AGAIN) I distill nonsense into a prophetic body horror gologtha forest guts and crucifixion I distill an apocalyptic acid that reveals the avalanche of nonsense and Christina cataclysm and Christina stations of the cross I prepare the nonsense as pulp prayer and pulp psalter (Rabid, drug-infested hippies on a blood-crazed killing rampage! I DRINK YOUR BLOOD) I drink her blood nonsense and forest happening (Amen, amen I say to you, unless you eat the flesh of the son of man and drink his blood, you do not have life within you) I drink Christina's blood a Christian cannibalism and transubstantiation nonsense, and her name materializes fragments of the true cross (Whoever eats my flesh and drinks my blood has eternal life and I will raise him on the last day. For my flesh is true food, and my blood is true drink) (Eats: the verb used in these verses is not the classical Greek verb used for eating, but that of animal eating: “munch” “gnaw”. This may be part of John’s emphasis on the reality of the flesh and blood of Jesus, but the same verb eventually became the ordinary verb in Greek meaning “eat”)

Nonsense is nonsense and I drink her blood Nonsense is nonsense and I chew her bone fragments of the true cross and I gnaw her flesh the tree of knowledge of good and evil Nonsense is nonsense and Christina’s discarded shoe looks beautiful in this room I like the coincidence of Christina and Alice nonsense / nonsense salts the cross I like the coincidence her vine suggests spiders and serpents but note the crown of thorns I like Christina coincidence chasm cadillac and her chasm surprises in quilt chaos Her quilt keeps surprise happenings, the happening of her secret name Her name sharpens sweet potato happenings and her corpse surprises secret code Christina Christianities I like Christina Christianity violence to vision and I have many Christina vision happenings

The noise of nonsense prophesies a quilted noise and a mystical noise. Noise notches itself into a nylon nonsense, a nonsense that knits itself through and through the noise of the tree of knowledge of good and evil. Nonsense prophesies a noisy insect swarm (cicadas crowd or cloud stations of the cross). Nonsense prophecies impossible insect noise and the swarms assemble human incarnations.

Nonsense is nonsense and forest finds stone Forest finds stone stony soil places and I place my nonsense language into long stone plains Plane language shapes plain stone shaped-canvas forests Forest languages cast kabbalist amulets

Forest stones throw nonsense sounds but I assemble the sounds into a music I assemble an aggressive music, a take no prisoners wall of sound I assemble an aggressive aggregate of forest stones wall of sound bells together Bells together telegraph ben hinnom nonsense and I speculate on the nonsense and turn it into a noisy species counterpoint Bells together speak ben hinnom tongues of fire Forest sings skin grapheme (I do not grapple with graphomania but simply give in) I do not wrestle the writing but realize new regions for richer rhizomes

I throw stones farther forest and the stones turn the site towards which all eyes gaze I throw stones farther noise the site towards which all eyes gaze jam free jazz Site sits site stone nonsense: site sits site now sound Site sits ht side wind nonsense stress stone sound Site sit shore sound sword slim into rib nonsense

Stone sound stresses forest syntax / sound sound aggregates Taryn tree grammar I stretch the stone sounds until they prophesy mystical nonsense The nonsense always prophesies towards the site of Christina

Site sounds stone sit suicide slight death / my deaths toward Christina death Site sound stage spoken suicide speed without Christina and stones spiral the staircase of Christina’s absence I speak Christina’s absence as nonsense and her nonsense prophecies the Inferno’s forest of suicides Christina shreds stone sound site south short sword Christina short sword site bow staff cross bow space (This is where Christina’s nonsense becomes holy spirits / this is where her time becomes space) (Her space spells stone ghosts bow ben hinnom)

Nonsense is nonsense and an old shoe looks beautiful in this room I write an aggressive music for this room The room reveals the rhizome and I do not grapple with graphomania but simply give in I give in to the forest gusts between gods, and I’ve found you got to look back at old things and see them in a new light


Conversations with Asia 08/19/2020 8:07 AM

I’m trying to figure out how to use my bullet journal now that I’m working, says Asia. What is its purpose? I say. It’s kind of a grounding activity, says Asia. But time is limited. I might use it to plan blog posts and set goals. I want to write a post about what tarot is and the theme of being called to align with your higher self, she says. Are you aligned with your higher self? I say. Probably not, she says. I’m still lazy, self-indulgent, and petty. What is your higher self like? Strong mom energy probably, says Asia. Someone who looks out for others, has a strong intuition, isn’t anxious, plans ahead, and stands up for what’s right. Tarot helps you align to your higher self? I think so, she says. Look at the Fool’s Journey and the evolution of each suit. Yes, I say. You are a lot more adept than me at tarot. To be fair, I was a literature and art nerd in school, says Asia. Breaking down symbolism is what I love. Honestly, that's what I enjoyed about Biblical studies too, she says.


I grow with stones and I fool with noise I grow stone the site towards which all eyes gaze and I fool with noise nonsense is nonsense I fool noise nonsense is nonsense and I’ve found you’ve got to look back at old things and see them in a new light

New light new nightshade New nightshade: between ribs what night shades Nightshade nonsense but her secret name gnostic shadows

I’ve found you’ve got to look back at old things and see them in a new light. I look at different lights and each light is a woman. I look at different lights different women in the desert. I look towards a Christian light and a Christina light, and Christina appears as Christian apparitions approaching night light. Her night light nightshade snares gnostic shadows and the catch of the Nag Hammadi Codex. She keeps me in the light of ghosts and the kindred wanders undead (Are we dead? Will I miss and reminisce Christina perpetually? Christina continues to ferment and fester as the spiral staircase open wound or the Fisher King Waste Land). I survive the different Christina ghost lights, each whispering a diminished triad. Christina diminished triads surround a trinitarian light striking desert diamond tonalities.

Nonsense is nonsense and an old shoe looks beautiful in this room / I like the coincidence

I Play Flat Forest

I keep playing and editing and playing and editing myself out… and I try to stop on a high point to leave someone else something to do

I edit forest and I copy the forest until it becomes four or five forests I copy forest forest agharta funk big fun I forest dark magus magnet fun funk…

I lack play I lack play and I still miss Christina Christina also chews a chasm through and to the Book birth irrational vision viewing irregular (irregular time irregular forests) (I copy irregular forests forests in time out of time Time itself has a history and I copy its forests irregularity Time itself has a history vision herma vulgar inferno vernacular vision) Vermin vision irregular pulse play Christina Palm Tree Garden Gardening, not architecture: forests, not furniture Gardening not architecture arm alm palm tree garden jump blues vision

I lack play I forget my first love and I abandon the play of vision and the vision of play I do not play flat flat funk anarchic with multiple isolations and dislocations This chronology – time itself has a history – outstrips my human experiences and leaves only subterranean forest X forest Underneath forest out other raven multiple isolations and rhizome ruptures (She was like someone you always knew would get there, but one part got there ahead another) Christina sometimes got there but she strives for death before me

I keep playing and editing and playing and editing and eventually I copy the forest an exact forest, forest shadowed and doubled I copy forest a one-for-one forest and the forest face fauna onto film Forest forest fan film both directions at once and I pass through forest syntax I play forest passages and passions, and my forest prayer arises inferring from this conflagration I play forest syntax and it serpents forest sidewinders Forest serpents sound collider rollercoaster tone clusters

I keep playing because I keep searching for a new sound. I search for new sound forest and new chord Christina. I search forest underneath. I search submarine forest and subterranean forest. I play the forest underneath narrative and myth, and this myth meanders the Christina chasm. This myth moves and maneuvers through Christina chaos and I copy him chaos onto this forest. I copy the forest newly Christina and I remember Christina: to make myth from her left behind chaos.

Forest syntax arises serpent-time and time has a history Forest syntax contrasts syntax tusk contradiction and transition and I transition towards the forest copy and forest X forest Forest X forest copies forest tunings the cup of blessing which rests on five forests

Five forests fauve quark flavor fire foe Forest stresses copy forest Forest copies rolling stress Christina forests I copy Christina into five forests and the forest crucifies my bodies five ben adam avalanche forests Five forests flirt Son of Man and Child of Humanity ben adam Five bodies superimposes on five forests and the forests feature Christina onto skulls her films

I lack play I forget my first love and I abandon the play of vision and the vision of play I do not play forest flat anarchic where witch multiple isolations and dislocations Christina chews chronology – her time itself has history – and her chaos outstrips my experiments and experiences I experiment out other older raven multiple isolations and rhizome ruptures (I watch a video essay by the YouTube channel Nerdwriter1 on Robin Williams, entitled “The World Is Open For Play” and one theme of the Book is play Play and experiment and find new ways to express languages Expand and extend the languages in play and experiments I hope I continue to play and I view the page and a world open for play)

I do not play but I play flat forest and anarchic forest and I play the chaos of Christina She was like someone you always knew would get there, but one part got there ahead of another Christina gets there and I follow her chasm and chaos

I can’t play but I sputter pretension without prayer (Once she kicked me in the forehead another time I dropped her head on the floor) (I want me and Christina to dance violently violently detailed desert) Play violence varna virk zip visions warp Christina shore ghosts Play violence silt vulbody sorry (she had a big reach and always looked like she was grasping space, reaching right out to its edges) Play edge no edge erosion / no edges I miss Christina Erode erotic play rose rove desert nerve notations / notations first mapped onto earth’s superimposed strata Play punk salt flat stone

I was thinking earlier about how “thinking with numbers” has a negative connotation to it but math is neutral, says Asia. When we use that phrase though, we aren’t really talking about doing math or counting. We are talking about the mentality of owning or measuring something that can’t be really owned or measured. Like in the Little Prince, there is a man counting the stars. Him counting the stars isn’t bad, but him claiming ownership is, says Asia. I haven’t really heard that phrase thinking with numbers that often, I say. But I might be stuck in my math world. I watch math YouTube and read about math, I say. I think you are rubbing off on me, says Asia. That and getting into sewing. Cutting patterns is geometry. Figuring out how the pieces fit or how to manipulate the materials into a certain shape, she says. I’m glad I’m such a good influence, I say. I like math because it’s beautiful, like aesthetically there are beautiful connections between seemingly disparate things, I say. I want to learn how to draft my own patterns and you have to think in geometry to do that, says Asia. I saw a video recently that connected a summation problem (given such and such many numbers, how many subsets are there that are divisible by 5) and the problem was solved using complex analysis (calculus of imaginary numbers), I say. It was a wonderful connection. Geometry is my weakest point, I say.

I keep playing and editing and playing and editing and forest tunes Taryn letters time Time has its own history which contains Taryn and her forest letters fawn Taryn faun tree bearing fruit with its own seed in it Taryn time cut into trickster time and her forest body creates concealed in the covenant contraries in the covenant Taryn enters the rose riding forest Taryn time tent rose forest: imitations / transformations Forest imitates forest and I copy Taryn Time: forest transforms forest and lamp Taryn without time tent forest

Could you tell me a story from your childhood? I say to Taryn. One time I was roller blading and not paying attention and I ran into the stop sign and I knocked my tooth out, says Taryn. Permanent tooth? No, thankfully not, she says.

I keep playing and editing and playing and editing and Taryn perpetuates play Taryn plays perpetuo moto and her machines manipulate play, the absurd and irregular time of the Book. Taryn plays a complicated figured bass for the Book concerto grosso and her ornaments decorate the Book with existential absurdity. Taryn plays roller blade rhizomes and her teeth tessellate time thunder languages.

I copy the forest into the forest and Taryn Time ferments forest mapped onto body ben adam Fermented forest maps ben adam concealed in the covenant contained in the covenant chaotic Christina

Christina chaos crowds loud desert crows and forests foam cloud of unknowing I create additional chaos snow forests

Forest wing wing winter Taryn wind: wind slim slings her insects Astringent insects swarm adjusted arsenic Forest wing word Taryn forest image and imago and her image gods metamorphosis: image of covenant sown in forty-two couplings, her name engraved explicit name sown in forty-two letters of the at of creation

I look at the letters which are her letters and her letters illuminate the Book as oxbow lake. I look at her letters and her letters strike ben bone: ben adam bone and ben hinnom bone, and this bone sparks light harmony and light Taryn timbre. Taryn shifts the letters through timbre modulation and book frankenstein klangfarbenmelodie. I look at her letters and her letters map the forest rain light and river light, and I travel through forests by her letters.

Five leaves as five layer five roses around the root and room of the forest

Five letters outline the rose room and root Five letters outline rose particles an ocean ouroboros outline Five letters outline fire letters ouroboros ostinato napalm (five serpents serve five gates by which one enters the divine realm)

I keep playing and editing and playing and editing and the forest edit looks letters

I Tell The Story Of Christina

I keep playing and editing and playing and editing myself out… and I try to stop on a high point to leave someone else something to do

I edit forest I edit forest further agharta funk / forest dark magus further funk / forest dark magus further funk Further fat funk formless form funk forest and I further into forest dark funk I further fat funk forest cut across the soul sample spirit sunk Her spirits sample swamps ben bog body without organs and further organ forest ostinato

I play forest edit long edit inside flesh fire erotic earth I edit long light flesh fire fire forest and forest edits forest frequent fires Frequent fires flutter forest forest flatter and I edit tape cassettes record erotic earth Tape cassettes cluster erotic earth immediate earth forests Tape cassette clusters rave earth magnets moat magnetos

Magnets highway merger mercator map memory and my memory manipulates magnets magnets moments of symmetry Earth strips symmetry cycle asymmetry stretto magnetos: magneto moles forest midst mixtures Mast forest mist cell mixtures cult shadows hidden the depths alternate sails

Morton Feldman said: That was how John [Cage] taught. John told me I should write a little bit and then copy it and as I copy I get close to the material, can see what I’m doing and then go on and get ideas. It always works. I write for half a day and copy half the day…. I too copy: I copy texts and I rewrite texts, and I copy and rewrite texts – including my own – to find the new in it or discover a new form or expression. I sculpt texts and move texts around like Morton Feldman sculpted and worked on different permutations of sound. I always move in both directions at once but the cardinal directions sometimes shift: sometimes I shift desert multidirectional and multidirectional through a glass darkly. I explore the dark through copying and repetition. I explore the dark texts gruppen and texts kontrapunkte and the texts reveal through the copy of the dark. I move both directions at once through the dark forest magneto. I copy the forest into the forest and the forest dark unveils new cryptids and new nag hammadi codexes. I copy the text codex and scripture.

Forests sail soft flesh baskets / ben basket bodies maneuver by blood meteors Ben basket bodies weave words bloodlet fingers and fingers fingerlessly glaive forest glade gore Forest glade gowns meadows in gore

Forests sail soft flesh baskets and I basketweave a bloody word I basketweave weapon language / the wound can only be healed by the spear that made it (I dwell in forest dark and without god and without Christina, and I continue to prophesy)

Forests sail soft figure with weak meat blue crucifixions Forest crucifies and immures figure with meat into monastery cells / bloody word wall

I feel better after talking to you and Asia, I said to Christina. Did something happen? Or just existential stuff? said Christina. I couldn’t write well, I said. Someone once told me even Jesus didn’t write his own story, and that made me feel better, said C. It was a playwriting class, said Christina.

I dwell in forest dark and without god and without Christina, I continue to prophesy

She doesn’t like fancy rich douche bags who happen to have a little talent? said Christina. I expressed my deep doubts about if my obscurity and inaccessibility secretly covers up no meaning, no depth, shallow play, I said. I asked her if she thought that was the case. She said no. I think you’re trying to say many things at the same time. I would agree that your writing is not accessible, said Christina. I also don’t know if that’s necessarily a bad thing. Your writing makes me have to learn things, said C.

I keep playing and editing and playing and editing myself out… I dwell in forest dark without god and without Christina and I continue to prophesy (The Baal Shem Tov used to go to a certain place in the woods and light a fire and pray when he faced an especially difficult task and it was done. His successor followed his example and went to the same place but he said: “The fire we can longer light, but we can still say the prayer.” And what he asked was done too. Another generation passed, and Rabbi Moshe Leib of Sassov went to the woods and said: “The fire we can no longer light, the prayer we can no longer know: all we know is the place in the woods and that will have to be enough.” And it was enough. In the fourth generation, Rabbi Israel of Rishin stayed at home and said: “The fire we can no longer light, the prayer we no longer know, nor do we know the place. All we can do is tell the story.” And that too, proved sufficient.) I keep playing and editing and playing and editing, and although I dwell in forest dark, I continue to copy the forest in hopes of discovering the fire and prayer without god and without Christina, I continue to prophesy a fiery prayer and I pray a dark prophecy I prophesy a propulsive tyger tyger burning bright in the forest of the night

Forest forest into terns and onto film Forest forest onto film both directions at once I pass through forest syntax I flow flesh through forest syntax: cell egg figure with meat flask syntax

Forest syntax torch taryn syntax forest Forest syntax arisen inferring from this conflagration Forest syntax arisen serpent infers sidewind wound sound sidewound rollercoaster

Forest contrast tusk contradiction Forest tone contrails tent turn taryn travel forest tunings Forest tunings the cup of blessing which rests on five forests

I keep playing and editing and playing and editing myself out I edit forest dark and without god and without Christina I continue to prophesy without god and without Christina and it proves to be a difficult task, so I tell the story of the forest and the fire and the prayer, and through the story, I myth the forest and fire and prayer into existence I storytell and it keeps the fire of prophecy without god and Christina

I copy the forest again and I storytell the forest again: I attempt to discover new prayers carved into its root systems or leaves of grass

Forest forest flock terns as onto film Forest forests films onto flocks both directions at once / at once the holy spirit drove me into the wilderness Forest forest films into flocks both directions at once and at once I pass through forest syntax I fly flesh through forest syntax and I cook flock flask alchemies I cauldron forest flask organic chemistry and organic ostinatos / incessant insect rhythms I scribe new scripture syntax: I scribe syntax torch taryn forest syntax I storytell syntax arisen inferring from this conflagration I psalm syntax arisen serpent infers the sidewound can only be healed by the spear that made it Forest tusk as Christina cunt wounds me sidewinder word and Christina basketweaves bloody body without organs Forest tusk wounds contrast stations of the cross I translate stations of the cross into string orchestra and forests tune its fires Forests tune fires the cup of blessing which rests on five forests

I think of that conversation I had with Christina about identity, I say. I told her I felt writing and prophecy was entirely my identity, and she asked me, do you want to change it? I felt that was a very good question, I say. There is a pattern I see in Christian deconstruction where people move from believing to being critical and angry and if you aren’t careful you can get stuck there, says Asia. The anger feels good sometimes, but you can’t stay there. You eventually have to start building something new, she says. Yeah, I think that’s true, I say. I don’t think you can have a healthy relationship with something entirely negative. You can't have a worldview based entirely on a negative tearing down, I say. I agree, says Asia. You can’t just live your life being against something and not for something, she says. I think that’s even creatively true in a way, I say. I told you about our dialectic: I am always striving for anarchic deconstruction of language, an almost totally apophatic and unknown language, while you push me to form and accessibility and elaboration of ideas to form consistent themes. The synthesis of those two approaches make for new constructive language, not merely a deconstructive language, I say. I would agree with that, says Asia.

I keep playing and editing and playing and editing myself out, and I identify as a prophet and writer in this dark forest I dwell dark and I construct new language from the prayer fragments and ashfire and ashglory I dress dark and I continue to prophesy without god without Christina and the new forest tome contrails tent turn taryn travel forest tunings Forest tunes the cup of blessing which rests on five forests

I repeat forests and I repeat fires of prophecy. I listen to Crow, Pt. 2 by Mount Eerie: But when I’m trying to, I see you everywhere, in plants and birds and in our daughter, in the sun going down, and coming up, and in whatever the myths that used to get told around the fire When a seal’s head pokes up through from underwater crossing the threshold between two worlds, yours and mine We were skeletally intertwined once but now I notice ravens instead I don’t see you anywhere… Christina is not dead but I don’t see her anywhere and God might be dead and I don’t see him anywhere but I notice Christina everywhere in my book and prophecy when I’m trying to: in the plants and dark forest, in the purple martins and ruby-throated hummingbirds, in our daughter that never existed but perhaps I had a dream about her, and I repeat the forests and I repeat the fires because they continue to storytell Christina. Our myths keep the Kindred alive in the Book. I confess Christina rosaries and stations of the cross and I repeat the forest tunings and the five forests on fire to remember Christina and Kindred when newly new.

Forests tune the cup of blessing which rests on five forests

Five forests fauve quark flavour Five foe for forest stresses: stressed salvation salvation seeps vowel accents Vowel accents around ground girl forest ben adam Ben five bodies forest five ben adam bodies (Christina always invades the Book and she loves Ben Folds Five and I listen to her favorite Ben Folds Five song: I poured my heart out – it evaporated, see?)

I Keep Playing And Editing And Playing And Editing

I keep playing and editing and playing and editing myself out… and I try to stop on a high point and leave someone else something to do

I edit forest I edit edit forest agharta funk / forest dark magus funk I flood fat funk forest cut across the soul sample I play forest edit long edit inside flesh fire Fire flutters forest forest camera shutter I forest camera and shoot from the hip happenings / I shoot from the hip happening the marriage of heaven and hell I forest camera and shoot from the hip large hadron collider helicopters / I play edit earth particle collision tape cassettes I tape cassette tetragrammaton gamma funk magmatic automatic machines / tape cassette tetragrammaton rare earth magnets Magnets highway merger mercator map memory / manipulated magnets meander moments of symmetry magnetos I move movement mast forest mist mixtures

I keep playing and I imagine the Book as a musical composition or jazz standards. I keep playing and I explore the page as a series of chord changes or as sixteen measures of D dorian followed by sixteen measures of Db dorian. I keep playing and see the page as process musics and aleatoric pick-up of repeating motifs like Terry Riley’s In C. I keep playing and the Book copies John Cage Music of Changes. I divine improvisation with my improvisation transforms through flow and intuition. I divine improvisation divine comedy and I apply the Book of Changes to the Christina Channel Book as scripture and Book as new language. I play and edit improvised divine and improvised comedy / comedic stations of the cross. To introduce new material, the charts alternate between mobile and immobile states, and its content immediately cell new material.

I keep playing and editing and playing and editing myself out…

I play pour time vision invasion I play pour stick pinion time pack stack vision Vision versus time tempers local vocal cut galaxy: active radio galaxy generates active time I keep time Taryn flesh enfolded / ben bold body in terrors

I play pour time interior body vision rat fat fog glowing human body active galaxy Vision outstrips vision human experiment mapped onto earth’s superimposed strata Vision plays stratified earth gruppen garfish local group starfish

I have a story about my daughter for you, says Asia. We went to the waterfront to pick her up and we go by the water and she goes “It’s high tide” and I’m like “… How is that a part of your vocabulary?” SHE’S TWO, says Asia. That is awesome, I say. SHE’S SUPER SMART SHE’S GOING TO BE A WRITER, I say. And she’s over her here like some old fisherman “Yup looks like high tide,” says Asia.

I keep playing and editing and playing and editing myself out… I play time tide time high marriage of heaven and hell I play tide crack khora chronology local group garfish gruppen gelatin I videotape tide Taryn gruppen high gloss chronos I videotape taryn tide torque tent of meeting marshlands waste lands loud chronos shrink ray I play video vapor vapor vision verb vision / visor verb vinyl vault full frontal assault Tide time maps mine monkeyshines slow book cinema (Can it be that, in the Book, dying means becoming invisible to all others but decipherable to yourself Could it be that in the Book, writing becomes legible to all others, but undecipherable to yourself) I do not decipher myself but I detail the desert I detail the desert and I vomit vision sand indecipherable / tide flat flesh splat split sprawl maw cave mouth I do not decipher but vision tides undecidable / videotape desert dust clarion Desert clarion clash ben hinnom detail dust carrion / visions versions tide vertical vultures tier taryn total differential Vision views tide undecipherable voyeurism and its light remains illegible Book interrupts illegible dead tide and her tide juts alive

I keep playing and editing and playing and editing myself out… And I try to stop on a high point to leave someone else something to do

I try to stop on a high point high tide any I edit the tidal forest I edit the lunar forest lantern light lateral light forests I edit forest I edit edit forest agharta funk farm felt / forest dark magus tide funk I edit and play funk fat forest cut across my lard body with lunar craters I edit and play funk forest set the fort on fire I sample the fire forest soul El Shaddai I play forest edit long edit inside flesh fire and I push the fire tidal improvisations I push the improvisational lunar light hour of the wolf / word wolf soul samples I sample forest soul edited earths

I keep playing and editing and I try to find new ways to repeat. I look for new methods of repetition and to repeat reveals new narrative. Repetition reveals new narrative and new revelations, and I play and edit to discover a developing variation repetitions. I keep playing and editing and trying to find novel repetitions and I reveal the repetitions playing and editing. I keep playing and editing the repeated forest and the repeated earth, and I find neolithic vinyl records and cassette tapes buried in the cave mouth monolith.

Do you like this poem? I ask Asia. I mean I don’t hate it, she says. It’s not Mending Wall. I don’t like Mending Wall but I haven’t read it in awhile, I say. Why do you think Stopping By The Woods is so highly anthologized? Do you think it’s because it’s a good poem? I think Robert Forest is popular because his poetry is accessible but not simple. Like you don’t see Wallace Stevens anthologized in primary school textbooks, I say. I agree, says Asia. That is why I like Robert Forest. I like it the more I read it, she says. Why do you like my poetry? It’s certainly not accessible. It’s grown on me, says Asia. I don't know if you find this to be the case, but I find when a work has grown on me, I like it even better, I say. I think of something like Miles Davis’ album Bitches Brew, which I found totally incomprehensible, but because I grew with it, it has become a little extra special for me. I should say Christina, in addition to thinking my work is powerful and prophetic, likes my writing because it has her in it and she has a big ego. Taryn has told me it’s because the Book is a unique voice that conveys raw expression that is not contained anywhere else. I will say accessible but not simple is the hardest kind of art to produce in my opinion. It’s easy to hide fake profundity in the inaccessible. I worry about that in my own work. Do you think my work is fake profound or secretly shallow? Like beneath the surface of play and game and scripture, there’s nothing there? I say. No, I don’t says, Asia. I do think that you try to say many things at once and that makes it harder to simplify, she says. I like that assessment, I say. I think what you say is true, I try to say many things simultaneously. I used to not like Robert Forest at all but he’s also grown on me but not in a way where he was difficult before. I just didn’t see the depth of his accessibility. I see how Mary Oliver is like that too: she is accessible depth, I say. That is my favorite kind of art, says Asia. A lot of greats that used large complicated language and complicated prose put beauty and art and intellect behind a wall and the overall message is that beauty and intellect aren’t fund in the mundane world. When Mary Oliver said that she looked for god everywhere she meant it. And what I like about Robert Frost is that not only did he write in ways that everyday people could understand, he wrote about everyday people too, says Asia. Do you think that the mundane material world is the best world to speak about? I say. I think reframing the mundane is the best way to shake up the way people think, says Asia. But also, why wouldn’t you want to live your life with eyes wide open and seeing all the fantastic amazing things around you instead of thinking that beauty is only in foreign lands, behind glass at museums, or in the worlds that don’t exist? Why wouldn’t you want to show people that wonderful things are right under your nose, says Asia. Do you feel my work idealizes those things or do you think it engages with the mundane world? I say. I would say it does engage with the mundane world, says Asia. A huge bit of it is you digesting and recreating bits and bobs that you collected around you, says Asia.

I keep playing and editing and playing and editing myself out… And I try to stop on a high point to leave someone else something to do I keep playing forest and editing forest I edit forest first peopling of the americas or I edit and play archaic human souls sampling others souls tent of meeting transmigrations

I edit forest I edit forest agharta funk and pangaea prayer / play pray dark forest magus funk I flirt fat funk forest cut across soul stations of the cross I sample cross sped-up soul snippets struck station to station and I play saturate station explosion I play forest edit long edit inside flash fast forest circular ruins Ruins repeat rhizome ring modulating forests (Forests fluster camera repetition tape cassette ribbons)

I edit forests magnet highway merger

Beetles Accompany Me In The Forest Search

I gather sort collate associate pattern beetles in process     I process beetle prayer pungent aporia     Beetle prayer plays process the initiation of actions and happenings     I attend my beetle body blue bastard pigment and black bastard pigment     I attend my beetle body bill and ted’s bogus journey or ben adam cowabunga body     My body nail nunchucks chuck beef beetle solar barge gnosis (I door knock gnosis flared nostrils)

I gather sort collate associate pattern beetles in process I gather bright beetles my body equally beetle art deco decoration I decorate ben beetle body and deco desert and the desert receives nuclear weapon tests Desert flares flask mask photon annihilation nude name improvisation I improvise random and pseudo-random rhizome seaweed and wreckage (in rhizome wreckage I climb mountains scale the mountain I live the mountain in beetle process I birth the mountain mountain body ben mouth mothlight mountain – the mountain crumbles)

I play with process. I play with process what process and I experiment process. I experiment process plus process plus process and the process mimics locust swarms. I swarm with locusts and the stochastic glissandi of Iannis Xenakis’ orchestra strings. I play with process beetles’ wings and woman wing dragonflies. I pray process and I pray with the play of insect prayer. I prayer process beetle psalms and I rub my wings to accompany the psalm cantillations. I play process music and process theology, a series of gradually transforming cells: each cell a psalm and each cell a god. I copy cells and I transform cells and I copy what Steve Reich said about process music: “Not the process of composition but rather pieces of music that are, literally, processes. The distinctive thing about musical processes is that they determine all the note-to-note (sound-to-sound) details and the overall form simultaneously.” The Book plays melodic process and water process and insect process.

I gather sort collate associate pattern beetle in process I play process wax felt latex latex clothes long naked she lights the lights Latex clothes long paper positions naked notch knot nude annihilations I scrape my body mobile desert missile mobile unmetered bodies: ben bodies eccentric naked in irregular insect arrangements

I arrange ink insects, impossible cyberpunk beetles I stagger golden stag beetle stagger lee

I gather sort collate associate pattern beetle in process I process beetle prayer and I arrange ink insects, an impossible cyberpunk beetles My beetle body cuts clay crane paper cadillac I crane cadillac beetles and I fold my wings word process I process cadillac crucifix crossroads repeats cutting hanging drop irregular alphabet insects (goliath beetle glyphs rotates irregular animalcule alphabets)

There’s this lyric from the song B.I.B.L.E. by GZA, I say. “Why should you die to go heaven? The earth is already in space.” Right? says Asia. I have my own version of Pascal’s Wager: “What if you are wrong and this is the only chance we get and you speak all your time, scared out of your mind and being an insufferable bigot?” or something like that. Fundamentalism gives you agoraphobia. I grew up scared to watch the wrong shows, or read the wrong books because it could lead my astray. I was afraid to read science books (outside ones about bugs), says Asia. Hey, they have creation “science” books, you know, I say. I know, says Asia. My grandma got me a creationist DVD set. Did you watch it? Were you convinced it? Yes and yes, says Asia.

Bugs breach my brain but it’s OK because they’re pentecostal missionaries sent from god

I gather sort collate associate pattern beetles in process and bugs in process Bugs breach my brain vapor visions / vapors parse passing blind beetle unbounded surfaces Visions vapor surfaces sleep snow (beetle snow cone conic sections) Visions vapor this mess we're in / vellum velour the city’s sunset over me Bugs breach my brain vapor anatomy tomb variable tomb Bugs volt vapor anarchic anatomy tale atom ben adam (an organisms tendency to disappear into its own ganglia and enter its own glottis) I scope god ganglia modular gang god goliath beetle I gloat slope god genera cerebrospinal ensconcement / microphone beetles machine semantogenic englobement Beetles vapor volaes palimpsest and minotaur manuscripts

I sometimes get lost with the bugs and beetles but they are good company to be lost with. Bugs make good company and we listen to Philip Glass’ String Quartet No. 2 “Company”. Ben and beetles participate in theater as a company, and all the movements of our work light monochromatic and in loosely related movements. We process gestures god transforming as god and the gods arrange beetle companies into string orchestras. I get lost with the bugs and beetles, but they prove themselves good companies to be lost with.

I gather sort collate associate pattern beetles in process and I get lost with the company of beetles in dark forest

I frame forest I reframe forest the forest I furnish forest with forest ben adam frostbite Familiar forest flesh flings faucet fountain mountain meddle metal Familiar forest bursts burgs unfamiliar forest Unfamiliar forest conducts Bruckner symphonies during alien abductions Beetles abduct my brain fanned leaf forest I photograph open-winged UFOs oscillate oneiric oxen overlapping UFOs Unidentified flying forests furnish my flesh beetle company and beetle colony Unidentified flying objects fix oxen objects

I’ve been reading Octavia Butler, says Asia, and she wrote that god is changed and can be intentionally shaped. Yesterday, I was watching a video of an interview with Mary Oliver and the interviewer asked her about the poem Wild geese. The interviewer said that a lot of people have said that the poem saved their lives. Mary Oliver said that poetry is a form of religion, that poetry is a spiritual experience and that poems can become a part of you. You read it, it becomes a part of you and you own it, it's yours… It is bad that I felt jealous when she said that? Other people owned my poem too, says Asia. I was sharing my favorite version of My Favorite Things by John Coltrane in a server, I say, and it’s a more obscure version, and someone said, that's my favorite version too and it got my dad into Coltrane. I was like, man, I wanted to experience the sharing of My Favorite Things with someone and they already have it. They took that gift away from me, I say. Mary Oliver said that being a poet is a lonely pursuit, says Asia.

I write a lonely pursuit but I share this company of bugs with Asia and this Book forest and forest leaves of grass

Forest fuses forest Liu Kang flying kicks Forest fuses forest frame format flesh fastens flesh Flesh farms forests vorticist Taryn volumes speed green

I gather sort collate associate pattern beetles in process and I frame forest I reframe forest fistula foam finger fisticuffs Forest handcuffs hardcell cyclops slow circuit offset Offset oxen swell charge stall forest stomachs I nomad across lost outlay opaque pancake forest oxen

In forest, I find peculiar cryptids and UFOs, but I do not report them. I want to keep the secrets of the forest. The secrets of the forest keep their forest secrets well and forest swells nautilus shell. The spiral nautical shell appears everywhere: in the human body, in the Book, and in the forest. I keep the forest secrets and the secrets secrete bombardier beetle defensive spray and exhaust spray from beetle-shaped UFOs. I find peculiar cryptids in the forest including several ghosts of Christina but they all elude me and I can’t capture photographic evidence. I still know Christina is in this forest.

The sky sees many stars starve forest and stars streak stadium naked additional oxen Oxen multiply forest maps skull movements macaroni and cheese I chew chinese chess forest oxen open UFO triangles / imaginary aurora sightings

I dwell in the forest and I look for any evidence of Christina: I know Christina exists somewhere and anywhere and it might as well be this forest I search this forest while the beetles keep me company and I listen to the song Duane Joseph by the Juliana Theory: You always know that I’ll be there / cause summer time is coming near / my closest friend you’ll always be / you are a hometown kid like me […] Why can’t it be the way it was / when pain was only plastic guns / my closest friend I couldn’t say / you are a million miles away… I miss Christina and I continue to remember Christina in this Book and Forest

I gather sort collate associate pattern beetles in process and forests appear in umbra unidentified flying objects umbilical Open multiply umbilical forests and the forest maps mop skull moments macaroni and cheese I chew cheese forest open triangles and triangles cut trickle forest tinge flesh Forests tinkle watercolour wash whales as unidentified flying objects and oxen objects project quarters clears quartz cave forests

I reminisce about old conversations I had with Christina. I’ve copied this conversation before and I will copy it again like I continually copy bugs and forests: Was I difficult to be a friend with in high school? I say. Sometimes, says C. Especially if I had a boyfriend. To be fair, you had shit boyfriends, I say. Christina laughs. You didn’t like Damian? No – I’m glad you didn’t marry him, I say. He was so slimy, says C. Really? Was he a lizard person? He was very moist but I meant more in personality. He had anger issues too. He scared me, says C. Then why did you get engaged to him?! Because I had daddy issues?? says C. And no self-esteem. Dang, I’m the best dude you've ever known – I’m sorry, I say. Ha! says C. I’ve known some nice people. Never dated them though. I think I’ll make better decisions post-divorce. Probably! I say. You’ll be OK, I think. I will be a little jealous when you date again but I know we will be OK. I don’t see myself dating before the kids are out of high school, says C. No one wants a cripple! I want you, I say. Until you have to wipe my butt or deal with my bonkers kids. I know how to wipe butts at least, I say. You know, that is truly a great skill to look for in a mate! says C. What do you do if your spouse is grossed out by your butt? T and I have wiped each others butt. Make every opportunity to moon my partner and making farting noises at the same time, I say. Leave an upper decker in the shape of a heart, says C. Make puns at the same time, I say. You mean I have to deal with this shit?! I’m always putting up with your shit! etc. Oh that’s good! says C. I’m very funny, I say. You are, says C. You’re funny and wipe butts. Double threat! says C.

I continue to look for Christina in this forest Forest frequents flesh vortex Forest vortex cut flesh cyclops claws point park place Forest pattern angles antler oxen estuaries Forest blasts mud bath / Christina’s beach sand asshole

I continue to look for Christina in the forest forest x-ray activity Forest feigns estuary movement and activity / ben beetles fuss mysteries and imitative cinematography

I continue to look for Christina in the forest forest taryn textures magenta colored opalescences Forest disintegrates in the look and gaze fisher king waste land / fuller forest fires with unidentified causes Force fires flesh forests deep inside weights I look forests and I gather goat collage associate pattern beetles in process

I Eat My Own Severed Head

I eat my own severed head: a large round mushroom

I eat my own severed head a large round mushroom Mushroom rhythm sounds an harmonic chamber child of humanity Harmonic chamber clamors child of humanity Child of Humanity hunts haunted harmony / woman wild hunt An harmonic canon fires pace of the twin savior the child of the child

I eat skull girls gather golgotha I devour skull desert desert girls dance olive oil gethsemane

I eat skull incises precise silver incisors sword centuries century rolls deserts Skull stone repeats pitches pitcher plant in an even tempo interrupted by work arcs keyways holes small violence Small violence flourishes voluptuous violet (I listen to György Ligeti’s Viola Sonata: sonata slides slow glissando gut sabers) I sometimes collect skulls scratched make sounds with stones / amplified glitch silver gethsemane

I like skulls. I like skulls and I lick skulls. Any skull appears beautiful, a glinting gorgeous bone. The skull shines like silver, precious bone and precious bone. I like skulls and I lick skulls a delicious desert salt lick. I sometimes accidentally eat a skull. I accidentally eat the first human skull but purposefully devour the second human skull in the desert. I digest the skull like the desert digests monastery ruins.

I eat my own severed head a large round mushroom

I archive / I storytell I archive skulls / I storytell skull I archive skulls ancient of ancients massed gasses / massive gods gestate skull genealogies I archive skull genealogies and I storytell lemon twist triceratops (Taryn gores with three horns / Taryn twists with non-euclidean geometry hell hounds) I archive skulls / I storytell Taryn swamp stomp tempest Taryn tempest tent turnpike divide / magnets caught in a metal heart I archive metals skull metals mason and dixon I archive skull ark arm point arkestra I archive ark her skull automatic letter animations: her animates archive armageddon Her animations archive armageddon desert desiring-machine mount megiddo

Went to an Asia food store today, says Asia. I also got miso. UBE IS BEST, I say. I’m so excited about the ube! says Asia. You have no idea. So I was born in Guam and I don’t remember it, but it means that my parents had a lot of Filipino friends when I was growing up and I went to their cookouts all the time and it was great because I was the tiniest, hungriest little white girl around all these Filipino ladies who were like “you too skinny, you need to eat” and we also had an Asian market in town when I was a kid and I would get treats there all the time, including ube snacks of all kinds. They had this really good ube ice cream that had coconut in it. It was heavenly and I kind of want to break out my ice cream maker and try making vegan ube ice cream, says Asia. This is Asia lore I had no idea about, I say. Of course you know I grew up on Filipino food so this is such a cool connection we share that I didn’t know! I say. I miss lumpia and pancit everyday, says Asia. Maybe I’ll figure out how to make it vegan. I love Asian food markets so much. They are so homey and full of good food and friendly people. My daughter is always a big hit in any Asian food market I go to – it’s the dimples, she says. That's awesome, I say. This is so dumb, but I feel really excited to have learned your experience with Filipino food, I say. God, food is such a powerful thing, says Asia. I accidentally seasoned by bean soup yesterday in such a way that it tasted like crawfish boil and I almost started tearing up, because I can’t eat crawfish anymore and a part of me misses the foods I grew up with that I can’t eat anymore. I miss catfish frys. It was a big event and a bunch of people came over and you ate outside on tables covered in newspaper. Just fry up big batches of catfish and dump it on the table for everyone to dig into, says Asia. One of my favorite things as a kid my dad made was fried catfish. He doesn't eat catfish anymore so I haven’t had it in awhile… ASIA HOW DID I COMPLETELY MISS WE HAVE SUCH A FOOD CONNECTION, I say. Like I said, food is powerful, says Asia. You’re right, I say. That’s why we are friends: for this very moment when we find out we both grew up on Filipino food and catfish, I say.

I eat my own severed head a large round mushroom

I eat my severed skull secluded radio I change the channel on the radio and each channel has a different guitar solo I archive metal skull guitar glyphs to alphabets / words architect additional time Words ark skull time endurance endure dark Words stone skull ark endure desert time Taryn dusk Skull depends on dusk dust dark desert dark sneak duration (The shark hind disintegrates and leaves not a skull but a jaw) Word duration drones time dusk human husk hauntology I hint hauntology with human skull: I hint hauntology glow row rhizome Christina golgotha Christina’s skull haunts twelve-tone row rhizome oar archive retrograde-inversion

(A skull that rotates in retrograde appears as a skull. A skull that translates through inversion strikes as a skull. A skull in the middle of a nonretrogradable rhythm sings a skull in the middle of meddle language rhythm. A skull functions in symmetry and symmetries splice through it skull and skull: totally skull.)

The word of the skull and the skull of the word walks psychogeography, generation of inscribed time Taryn’s skull skips desert détournement and archives genealogies of time scriptures Words weird walk collage blood clot assemblages / I assemble human skulls into the helicopter glyph of words

The word of the skull and the skull of the word collapses collage gods gore suspended skulls san francisco gold rush Gold rush braids skull reeds sea rhizome and I speak the skull of sea I speak the skull rush shush sleet snow slush rhizomes Skull snow slush sludge rhizome din downstream sleep I sleep skulls at the same edge of skulls: I sleep skull ski stop slope (my eyes saw sleepy from the sky above)

I might plant my ube, says Asia. I might have to wait awhile… Out of season for planting? I say. Yeah, she says. So one of the things on my cook list is vegan sausage made of okara and then I’m going to put that vegan sausage in a vegan gumbo. I’ve never made a vegan gumbo but I have to make more soy milk because I used most of the okara to get some vegan cheese going. I be making all sorts of things. Years ago, I hyperfixated on fermented food, and I can feel that hyperfixation bubbling back to the surface. Just manically making yogurt, says Asia.

I eat my own severed head a large round mushroom My severed skull sprouts spores and the spore network communicates apocalypses

My eyes saw sleeping from the sky above and a star falls from the sky becomes one eating pasturing among the oxen (I leave the skull out in the rain and oxen oxidizes elephant aluminum) Skulls overlap oxen: oxen overlap oxen outlet outset oxygen catastrophe Skulls overlap oxen open onward Christian soldiers Oxen open skull air glyphs to alphabet blast cap sleep Blast cap skull cup sleep deep desert alphabet

As a kid, I went to the local Chinese restaurant regularly and I learned my sign or animal in the Chinese Zodiac: the ox. I identify as the ox and the ox works. The ox works and the ox writes and I pull language across the page. Ben the Ox drafts desert fire. Ben the Ox plows and pulls and I thresh the grain writing gods. I write the little circle of animals, zodiac vision and vision zebra (Christina camouflaged in the cook of the Book).

Oxen open oscillation / pendulum oxygen autumn strands stain autumn leaves Leaves launch leaves of grass / strange celestial oxen gore gods Leaves launch leaves of grass / oxen gore horned skulls cone god ice cream scoops Oxen skulls grow leaf skeleton scaffolding and I sleep meat cathedral I sleep meat cathedral kingdom of the skies revival

Oxen occupy opposition: oxen absorb contradiction

I eat my severed mushroom head and oxen occupy its oppositions Oxen occupy my skull opposite processes, the perpetuo moto piston of process musics Oxen absorb skull contradictions contradict online oxen assassins

Oxen occupy opposition: open absorb contradiction Oxen into terns as onto film leopard syntax / syntax sieges city the microcosm of a skull Syntax sieges city window widow wall woman batwings I eat the beat of blue batwings beer binge beetles

I slow cook oxtail for a stew and I cut off my tail for storytelling. I tend to storytell with the skull or hand rather than the tail: cutting off my oxtail has minimal impact on my mythmaking. I would slow cook other parts of my body, but losing too much impacts my storytelling. I would slow cook my hand but my lack of hand would make it more difficult to write; I would eat my tongue, but without a tongue, I would have difficulty speaking prophecy. Therefore, I feel confident slow cooking and eating my oxtail, because I still storytell without tails.

Oxen occupy oppositions: oxen absorb contradictions I study desert skulls opposite of desert skulls I study the bone of the Book and Christina’s ghost gathers rocks and bones from the desert floor: Christina assembles the desert bone into brutalist architecture and the Bone Book babels through this architecture collage oxen I gather sort collage associate pattern beetles in process I process beetle prayer pungent aporia (I process painted skulls: ram’s head with hollyhock deer’s head with pedernal a desert scene with a deer skull with vibrant wildflowers)

I eat my own severed head a large round mushroom I obsess skulls, human skulls, and oxen skulls stone hymns I pray these stone hymns and rock skulls: prayer process aporia the initiation of actions and happenings I garden god skulls and desert oxen (gardening, not architecture) I eat my own severed head gardening, not architecture I never garden I never garden I grow palm tree garden…

Random pest control guy came by saying the company he works for sprays my neighbors’ houses and that I could get a deal if I signed up, says Asia. Told me that they would kill all the bugs inside my house, and all the bugs in the yard, including spiders, wasps, and dirt dobbers. I started telling him that I liked spiders and spiders and wasps play an important part in the ecosystem and that I wasn't interested in killing every living thing in my yard. He was just like “… Oh well, most people don’t like bugs.” Sorry dude, better luck somewhere else, says Asia.

I devour my severed head swarming with bag beetles and bug desert and the beetles garden in my skull Beetles punch vision into my vagus nerve vowels Beetles garden my severed head in opposition and contradiction with oxen: oxens contradiction counter-sun and counter stations of the cross Beetles improvise skull block chords visions viola vigil Beetle visions vocalized violent nameless narrative (I storytell with my bleeding buttocks missing its oxtail / oxtail details bottomless pit)

Beetles storytell and narrative nameless through my skull Beetles rhythm ragtime narrative through my mouth nameless teeth syncopations Beetles vibrate my teeth tempest narrative hands heap vision syncopation (my hands hold visions dreams with vaginal teeth) (I dream the stallion leaps over the sea without hooves hooves heal hands host beetle bodies)

I eat my own severed head holds beetle barons and beetle church bells I never garden but I grow grand guinol beetles and they stage body horror in the amphitheater of my skull I never garden but I grow palm tree garden superficial girls Girls garden grave grace: girls garden grove grain and grain gerrymanders sheol

I garden and I attend the imaginary gravestone of Christina. This gravestone resembles a monochromatic shaped canvas superimposed onto a human skull: I imagine it’s my own skull because she inhabits my head. She inhabits my head like these hercules beetles inhabit my head. Christina as the ghost of Harmonia axyridis inhabits my skull decorated for Halloween: my Halloween head decorated by Christina harlequins. I visit Christina's imaginary gravestone often, and several species of spiders keep her grave site clean (coincidentally, these same spiders keep my skull tidy). I visit her nonexistent spider-skull gravestone and I think about death often. I watch the film Ghost Dog: The Way of the Samurai and it quotes the Hagakure: “The Way of the Samurai is found in death. Meditation on inevitable death should be performed daily […] and every day, without fail, one should consider himself as dead. This is the substance of the Way of the Samurai.” I meditate on my own death almost daily, but not in the manner of the samurai, but in the manner of the manic-depressive. I dream of my own death but I also dream Christina too. I garden the dream and I garden death too, and I still worry Christina has died or will die soon; I hope even in her absence, she doesn't die. I hope we reconcile and not at our grave sites (I imagine we will be buried in the same burial plot).

I eat my own severed head a large round mushroom I eat my own severed head sprouts garden grave grain My head garden grows green gangrene wasp grain My head grain gardens grape colorless green ideas sleep furiously (Garden ghosts sleep furious generative grammar / fuck spider syntax fuck syntax spiders sprawl spike rhizome Fuck rhizome syntax slack twilight tunnel tunnel syntax tinnitus I tinker twilight garden harden earth erection Tinker twilight straight rhizome snap syntax Snap syntax cusp cask core occult Occult occludes garden rain wreckage (wreckage hinge hand hole catch hang haruspex heart jaws wires) I hang hinge her hands shake hauled wreckage hemlock Hand horror garden hemlock unlock mandrakes Unlock mandrake warlock rhizome syntax Syntax rhizome wedlock Christina's cock

I eat my own severed head a large round mushroom

My Hands Experience Direct Visions

At once the Spirit drove him into the desert, and he remained in the desert for forty days, tempted by Satan.  He was among wild beasts, and the angels ministered to him.

At once, my hands distort the desert / at once, desert distracts my hands Hands scratch desert vision the very vision unveils veil Vision the very vision drives out desert valley desert and valley volleys tower tomb wound rhizome Desert at once drives wild woman and wild women my wounds in desert

At once my hands distract my hands / immediate the desert distracts my hands to tuned distance My hands to distance vision the very vision discard hands an empty tomb At once I discard my hands haze tomb languages sackcloth clock tower

My hands experience the visions directly. My hands directly receive dreams and visions without any other mediation, like a spinal cord reflex. My hands vine vision the very vision and this vision drives my hands to desert. My hands document desert wild beasts and the burden of vision. My hands experience the vision of vision and the valley vision directly.

At once the spirit drove him out into the desert Spirit drives immediate vision my hands marry heaven and hell Vision vore my hands volumes vertical voids / I stand hands my spinal column vertical to the earth My spinal column vertical to the earth receives hands erect bone Vision void dip my hands beetle dig hell vision diagonal / my hands multidirectional voids My hands hole bone hell vision veil viol vena vela visions doubled by hands I verb vision hands hundred spheres hears hands heres hearts

My hands experience the visions directly. My hands act visions happenings and performances, and the visions realize themselves in the hands of verbs. My hands shape verb vision as shaped canvas.

I verb vision and I verb vision I verb vision and I verb vision bark hands hole circus / hands circus striated city circulations I verb vision jagged voltage (gagged jagged titanium gasoline jam line) Vellum vision warps hands words holes her hers words woman wild language / my hands directly disintegrate the languages Languages vellum vision palimpsest I wear my sunglasses at night I wear my sunglasses at night nude now vultures

My hands experience direct night vision and night music. My hands conduct night melodies and the nocturnes sneak underneath my fingernails. Night insects surround my hands and mimic the sections of the orchestra. The orchestra colors timbres stations of the cross. The identification and pinning of insect species in shadowboxes reenacts Golgotha.

I wear my sunglasses at night nude now voltage vultures and vulture nocturnes My night body hands vellum revolver or verb vision written and rewritten (My hands write and rewrite vellum variation and punctuated cone palimpsest) Write and rewrite renihilation on rhizome Asia Among Rivers Rapid vision vespers Asia Among Rivers / Christina the witch woman’s cunt had teeth in them

At once the Spirit drove him out into the desert and he remained in the desert for forty days, tempted by Satan. He was among the wild beasts and the angels administered to him.

At once my hands hear night music and Christina hymns Her hymns gather my hands ghost hyle and Morton Feldman’s Piano and String Quartet My hands hold hush night music and hands write and rewrite avant-garde lingerie vision

I listen to avant-garde music and I experiment with the written form: I experiment page as shaped canvas or page as an extended chamber piece like Morton Feldman’s Piano and String Quartet (upon reading the score, Steve Reich found that many of its quiet, mysterious chords, were in fact inversions of themselves, and that repetition of material were never exact repetitions) (I want to write more repetition – inexact repetition and irregular repetition, a post-minimal repetition where words on the page molt more infinitely modular, fractals breaking off and growing more fractals)


At once I listen to Pierre Boulez’s Rituel In Memorium Bruno Maderna, probably his most accessible and immediately beautiful piece and I contemplate what he said about his Piano Sonata No. 2:

I wanted to eradicate from my vocabulary absolute every trace of the conventional, whether it concerned figures and phrases, or development and forms; and then gradually, element after element, to win back the various stages of the compositional process, in such a manner that a perfectly new synthesis might arise, a synthesis that would not be corrupted from the very outset by foreign bodies – stylistic reminiscences in particular.

I feel more in common with Pierre Boulez’s brash bash deconstruction of any sort of tradition or obvious form than I’d like to admit. Superficially, I claim to adhere to a repetition, albeit a repetition that produces difference (Repetition is a form of change, as it says in Oblique Strategies), but when Asia correctly critiques my tendencies toward haphazard through-composed one-offs, I resist and try to justify my loose adherence to (non)structure. I too try to eradicate not only any trace of the conventional in my vocabulary, but my vocabulary and style itself – my vocabularies and styles bore me. I frequently bore myself and my own creativities bore me so I attempt to demolish and destroy and burn but I never succeed. Ben residues remain: ben bone bits blood tar skin smoke spontaneous human combustion. Benjamin haunts benjamin body horror compulsion revulsion rabid ravage ravish / ben bodies hack holes holy sonnets (I often lament I do not PUSH the language enough I do not PLAY language against agon contra language / I eradicate my vocabulary from my vocabulary).

I think about a conversation I had a long time ago with Uriel: he was a mystic and monk of an episcopalian marian order and frequently flirted with heterodoxy. We had a discussion on my writing and vision and prophecy:

It may be that you believe in some part of your being that if you were not compelled, you would stop the journey, so you need the feeling of being compelled to continue, says Uriel. God does use what's there. So if you’re feeling compelled, God can use that. If you’re feeling Sunday Morning Coffee and Newspaper with God, God responds to that, too, says Uriel. I appreciate your perspective a lot, I say. I appreciate your thoughts a lot. They give me ways to reframe things, I say. Briefly put, says Uriel, the Shadow of the Cross is absolutely an address where one may sign a lease, but one may just as easily move to Emmaus, or any other of the Externally Recurring positions of the soul. God doesn’t need you to suffer. God has suffered completely. You may opt to suffer with God, and that is a legitimate choice, says Uriel. Yes, I have decided to pick up my cross and go to the cross, I say. But I find peace in Holy Saturday and joy in the resurrection, I say. The intensity that is generated by living in the Shadow of the Cross doesn't necessarily translate (into language) outside of its singularity, says Uriel. Its effects however are felt everywhere always. The path is the path, but we shape it as we walk it. Christianity is the ultimate “Find what you love and let it kill you”, says Uriel. Yes, perfection description, I say. I”m curious why you think I should read Lacan, by the way. Because you're flailing against the walls of your “subconscious” which is itself (per Lacan) structured like a language, and if you start to see the structure, your work will deepen beyond self-referentiality, says Uriel. Assuming you don't mind bruises, have fun I say, but if you’re looking for something more, then it’s necessary to employ even more meta-cognition, he says. I’m honestly not sure what I’m looking for, I say. I think it’s safe to say you’re not looking for what is, says Uriel. There really isn’t any way around the fact that language is a tool we use to perceive the vertical axis of being (synchrony, eternity, etc), and so a deep look at what language is and how it functions is a necessary tool in any serious encounter with the deep interior, especially if a person wants to say something about it besides the fact that it’s a circle, says Uriel. I have been looking for a stylistic transformation because I think I have always been intoxicated by style and not content, I say. Or I figured my content is always the same and I’m trying to find new stylistic ways of expressing it. “My content is the same” is the verbal equivalent to the expression “I write like me”, says Uriel. Or “I write about the things that capture my imagination.”. Well, yes! Why would you write about things that you don’t find interesting? If you write about those things in the same way today as you did upon taking your last English class, what a lack of growth! Transformation of style is a result of transformation of perspectives. It happens in kairos, which is exactly when it’s supposed to happen, and not a moment “before” or “after”. Your job is to prep the vessel to be ready for God to act through kairos (sacred time), says Uriel. Is Lacan going to result in a transformation of perspective? I say. Maybe? says Uriel. There's really no telling the active catalyst requires for each subjective experience to encounter change, but encountering concepts that challenge the boundaries of what we think we can process is good, regular, exercise, he says. In what sense is my work self-referential? I say. What would it look like to go beyond self-referentiality? First question: where, in your work, do you refer to anyone or anything besides yourself and the experience or nonexperience of God? says Uriel. I wonder if it’s not somehow an expression of God, it is not worth writing to me, I say. I mean that’s probably not true, but I think I want it to be true. There’s nothing wrong with what you’re doing, says Uriel. You asked where your writing is self-referential. At this point, I would say that your writing is like mirrors reflecting mirrors. For people who know how to navigate the situation, it’s not a big deal at all. I know (at least generally) what you’re going through, and why it’s being written this way, but the relationship between the Unmediated Interior Reality and the Mediated Self is not the only relationship. It has enchanted you and you’re a little lost in the maze right now, says Uriel. Ah, I see, yes, I say. What other relationships are there? I say. I think that’s the main thing, says Uriel. The material is always there in some ways according to the Psalters, but more complicated by centuries of additional sacred image motifs. Although there is (at least in today’s offering) a tension between the desire to conform / be comforted and the frustration of exile that tempts Total Rebellion (which would have never found its way into the Psalter, but only because especially that kind of radical doubt wasn’t allowed for at least 2500 years post-composition), says Uriel.

I bought Ecrits by Jacques Lacan based on Uriel’s recommendation but I still haven’t read it I still transform or at least tease transformation of the text, and although the Christian God did abandon and I do not remain in the shadow of the cross, I continue to write and prophesy (my hands experiment direct prophecies and experiment direct prophecies Asia and my friendship with her have invaded my subjectivity and self-referentiality, and I write and prophesy our friendship)

At once the spirit drove him out into the desert and he remained in the desert for forty days, tempted by Satan. He was among the wild beasts and the angels administered to him (The same spirit who descended on Jesus in his baptism now drives him into the desert for forty days. The result is radical confrontation and temptation by Satan who attempts to frustrate the work of God. The presence of wild beasts may indicate the horror and danger of the desert regarded as the abode of demons or may reflect the paradise motif of harmony among all creatures)

I dwell with demons in the desert; I whirlwind wild word and I prophesy to wild beasts I dwell desert and I eat my own severed head: a large round mushroom My mushroom head razor round sound-chambered cranberry child chamber clamor child of humanity place of the twin savior the child of the child

Jesus Christ Jams Free Jazz

Free jazz jams human bone parallel play spinal column

(Free jazz jams human bone parallel play spinal column) I superimpose spinal column onto column a nonsuperimposable mirror image insect imago Mirror images imagine nonsuperimposable secret insects / insects seclude in my spine secret bridal chamber Open body free jazz jar only rain holy ghost radar / insects radar nonretrogradable rhythm spinal column radar insects Insects radar secret bridal chamber manipulation of the spine as a twelve-tone row I improvise insects open body free jazz jar only ostinato: open body ostinato round cylinder seeps holy ghost invasive species

I improvise mirrors and I meander through the forest flash of the mirror that doesn't shine I meander insect mirror a scanner darkly and mirrors meet mirrors hurried haunt into melancholy I mine melancholy mine moon microphones a photoelectric lamp burning amylacetate I mine more mercury misery body without organs melancholy I mine melancholy move crucifixion mass mime mermaids (Christina as mermaid disappears into silly string sea and sea of reeds)

I miss Christina. I always miss Christina. I miss Christina because she knows the secrets of alchemy and how to construct the elixir of immortality but she has yet to share it with me. I miss Christina because she has a hidden copy of Jean Sibelius’ Eight Symphony. I search for her in the Garden of Forking Paths and in the labyrinth of the minotaur, but I do not find her. I meander through her mirror garden and I gaze into my face face medusa and minotaur. I miss Christina and I always miss Christina.

I miss Christina and I construct a Book of Christina mythology in my melancholy I construct a Christina mythology and I construct a Christian mythology: a photoelectric lamp burning labyrinth Book and Book garden of forking paths I construct a Book composed of plateaus that connect across microfissures / multiplicity connected to multiplicities extended rhizomes Rhizomes repeat a form of change / change channel Christina I charge Christina change cross and crucifixions reckless admist an uncanny refulgence Christina mermaids sea of reeds refulgence rhizome marsh light low where I will live I live where Christina melancholy and alchemy like Sabbatai Sevi from melancholy (and Saturn is the first and last gate, and there everything will be united)

Free jazz jams human bone parallel play spinal column

Jesus Christ jams tenor saxophone free jazz and he shreds sheets of sound apocalypse (The fifth angel, who poured out his vial upon the seal of the beast: and his kingdom was full of darkness, and they gnashed their tongues for pain, and blasphemed the God of heaven because of their pain and sores, and repented not of their deeds) Christ improvises on bone saxophone and holy ghost joins in cutting contexts Holy Ghost reveals spinal column eschaton stations of the cross Holy Ghost stirs abyssal melody and melody spirals estuary water moccasin waters Melody moves melancholic waters and watery apocalypses I jam and join in crucifixion waters / word woman Christina sea of reeds

What was the verdict on the cookies? I say. Did your students like them? Yes, they loved them says Asia. It was funny, some snooty girl turned her nose up at them then after others tried them she came back to me like “Can I have one?”. Also news must have spread because by the time fifth block came, one of them was like “I heard your cookies are really good”, says Asia. That’s AWESOME I WANT SOME, I say. One kid tried to argue with me that it wasn’t a cookie then told me they were OK. What was his argument they weren’t cookies? Not round enough or something, says Asia. But the same kid when asked to write a narrative essay about his favorite meal ever wrote about frozen pizza. I had an odd but strangely sweet southern compliment. A student told me that he bets that I make better biscuits than his mom does. He wanted my cookie recipe. I explained it to him and made him write it down, she says. You are a cool teacher, I say. You’re changing the world. One cocoa egg at a time, says Asia. (Since this conversation I have had some of Asia’s cocoa egg cookies – they are amazing)

Free jazz jams human bone parallel play spinal column I spinal column threads saturn sector seven slums / I do not sabbath but I work sabbath son of man I work sabbath kabbalist laughing gas languages: I work gematria language I’ve been breaking glass in your room again I film light gas as a projector from another room another way dark room waves and I print landscapes I print landscapes shaped canvas crane curves Cranes curve burr black paintings, room waves black painting curves canvas colossus Shaped canvas colossus twisted colossus peculiar luminosities of animation Animation animations aleph photon flesh photon spray zerg spawn sprawl

Frank Stella passed away this year and I meditate on his shaped canvases. I meditate on his quasi-sculptural painting-as-assemblages and I think of the page at times as a landscape or field, and at other times a canvas. I've never thought of the page though as shaped canvas: if I think of the page as a shaped canvas (canvases cut and connected to other canvases, triangular and circular canvases and other unorthodox shapes), then what changes about the words and languages and images of the Book? What if I think of the page as an assemblage or a sculpture or an installation or a performance? I currently do not have the desire to make concrete poetry or visual poetry (Why no desire? Some fears to be confronted here?) but rather how to transform and develop the structure of the interacting texts. If I translate the language of shaped canvases to this palimpsest, then the way texts transform and connect must change. A long-term project: document and explore ideas and concepts not from writing and apply it to writing and book prophecy (e.g. other art mediums, geologies, philosophies).

I shape canvas brain spike I shape canvas cocoa egg cookies and I cut cookie cookie crisp cookie cutter shark subtle brain spikes spool shaped canvases I shape canvas spike tales from the punch bowl I spike punch bowl brawl boxer-puncher Christina let’s go to pound town Wild I print canvas shape shell shit electromagnetic excrement Excited I excrete electroacoustic oscillations swerve shaped canvases on lost highway

Free jazz jams human bone parallel play spinal column / I combine owl in daylight into onto on the corner

On the corner overdubs shaped canvas turntables and music concrete free bone I look to my hands together turntables / I look my hands at my hands wholly veiled My hands veil unveil free vision verb verb My hands verb together turntable free jazz and scratch on the corner Hands hang heat hand hands hash grasp turntable scratches Hand scratch sample settle hammer horror (head hand horror the corner verb unveil)

I miss Christina. I always miss Christina, and here, Christina missing new moon and full moon. I work with my hands and my hands do not reveal Christina and she remains veiled, an absolutely apocalyptic vision and woman of the apocalypses. My hands work an apocalypse of Christina and I experience Christina in perpetual parousia. I miss Christina so my hands make her myth. My hands make her myth free jazz and more form in free form / Albert Ayler ghosts and glossolalia. My hands make transformer scratch Christina turntables and I sample I miss Christina.

Often the method used to transmit information is as or more important than the message. I bring it up because I was thinking about experimental and avant-garde art. Is the way and style I write in transmitting a theme all on its own? If it is I hope it is one of anarchic and flat relation. Breaking down boundaries. No hierarchy, just being. Being love or something. Art is useless but governments all want to censor and regulate art, because creation itself makes new myth or new story. The story we tell ourselves changes. Art changes the inside not the outside but the inside is as expansive as the outside. I hope the way I write is anarchic insides. I write anarchic and the story itself – the medium – is anarchic and our myth is anarchic, and as a result our interior too becomes anarchic… Do it, says Asia. I think your writing is that. Its overall format and structure defy expectations. It’s not narrative or poetry but its own beast and people have to read it differently when they read it, says Asia.

Free jazz jams human jaw turntables: free jazz joins free human book of judges turntables Hard scratch eye socket turntables Christina disappears beneath the record needle Christian trades subterranean missing person samples journey jazz deep earth

Free jazz jaws human jam turntables: free jazz joins free human jams book of judges turntables, a twisted colossus Christina