I Fever Fire Between Fire

I fever fire between fire fire on fire and fire between fire I fever fire fewer between fire blowfish and puffin fish fires I flirt fast between fires fearless fires

I clothe myself in fire. I clothe myself in earth fire and earth emits radio fires. I clothe myself in fires. Secret fires clothe me in hot earth and hot waters, and fires make secret between fires. Secret fire makes secret fire unsettled earth. Secret earth clothes the duration of fire in ritual fires, and earth clothes me in soil and animal skins. Animal skins light her lights and lights fever floating fire.

I fever fire between fire fire on fire and I sense every burned letter. I sense every burned letter: I sense letters fever letters at the fire and I continue burning (I continue burning and I continue the burning and I continue to burning). I continue the burning and burning continues burning burning (Continue burning bronze blast cap nitroglycerin Continue Continue burning). I sense every letter present tense intensities.

Do you think free will exists? I ask Asia. Yes, says Asia, but we have a lot of influences through social constructs and systems. But being strongly influenced one way or another isn’t the same as not having independent will. If we didn’t have free will, we wouldn’t have trans people, unless there is some cosmic force trying to make a joke of our fragile social constructs. We also have conditioning and generational trauma (to an extent, generational trauma and conditioning are the same thing). Do you feel you’ve had generational trauma influence you? I say. I imagine one can interpret the history of fundamentalist Christianity and its influence on your parents for example as that. Yes, says Asia. My mother’s trauma influenced how she treated us, which worked to pass some of that stuff down. You’ve overcome some of it, I say. You’re not like your parents. I know, says Asia. This, free will. I had to overcome some programming, but I chose to try, says Asia.

I fever fire between fire on free fire (I fever as will the fire words) I continue burning also have cosmic for example is that (You’ve have a lot of that continue burning Continue Yes we have a lot of it and you’ve had generations Burning Systems but being independent will)

I fever through social constructs and systems I sense every letter present tense intensities: intense generational trauma and conditioning are the same thing

I fever flavor fire flavor quarks fire: fire quickens fire towards ward word wildfire (I taste the flavor of fire and free fire swarms conditioned fire. I taste fire between fires and fire drives free chaos tasting chaos. I taste free chaos conditioned into Christina chaos and I taste wild. I taste the fire flavor of wild creativity and I create new earth from the burning letters letters flavor primordial chaos.)

I overcome the fires I overcome fires between fires Continue earth burning

Earth emits arco Son of Man / bow ben ball lightning Earth emits programming programming she how parents influenced the some you Continue Continue earth emit burning (I fever wild fire towards wick window burning – fever wide window fire reckless – wick window burning wild fires I fever reckless wild fire word – continue – wild fire wide word abandon – wide word abandon wildfire abaddon) Earth emits Son of Man burning

Earth emits innumerable eyes nevertheless multiply under the waves (Yes, but we have a lot of influences through denier newsstands and systems but being strongly influenced one way or eternal isn’t thee same as not having an independent will.) Earth emits a true trunk bloody thrashes and struggles under the Thunderous Weapon

Today was a bit overstimulating, says Asia. Mostly our fifth block. Kept being squirrelly, constant little noises, instigating each other. Had to keep telling them to sit down and while we were taking notes, they kept interrupting us or derailing us. And there are some needy kids on top of that, so I get “Mrs. ____, Mrs. _____, Mrs._____” constantly. Like, “Say my name one more time.” The kid that kept saying my name was RIGHT NEXT TO ME. Like just STOP I AM RIGHT HERE.

I fever fire between and from fire to fire exquisite corpse (We fundamental overcome will independent of trauma Constant little noises Burning constant little noise Like constructs you’re extent will one to choose you this Christianity) I fever from fire to fire exquisite corpse horses

I fever constant little noises and fires overstimulate me. I call out the fire right next to me. I dislocate and I look distant at my face. I never nearer to my face and the fires consume my faces and I do not recognize any of them but they mix-and-match an exquisite corpse. Desert – distance – distance – continue burning – distant face letters and my face disappears in the face of my face. I listen to “The Wailing and the Gnashing and the Teeth” by Black Sheep Wall: “I’m sorry, Dan, I’m doing what I can we let you down again fuck this band.” Sometimes I am too hyper-aware and I become hyperconscious of my consciousness and I wonder how I’m a real person. I look in the mirror and I see myself and I feel strange. Is this me? How am I alive? I’m thinking but I’m thinking about my thinking and I’m too aware of the distance between my mind and my body. I fever constant little noises but my body – this body distant from my body – crackles silent fire. Fuck this band.

I fever from fire exquisite corpse fire horses (horses on fire stampede fire-shaped horses fiery horse stampede horse-shaped fires) I sense the fires burning horses (constant little noises derailed depersonalization noisy structures and systems) I fever regeneration fires fume flume flow horses fires I sense the fire burning horses horses horses: I sequence the fires burning horse sequenza fiery cadenza (Within the fires, repetition. With the fires, repetitions X repetitions fiery repetitions within the fires, sudden fires with constant little noises.)

She Drives Me To Creativity

All creation opens up a fan from the night of the hidden divine serpent

Book all creation creates creation all Book. I almost exist entirely in this Book and I mistake it for earth. I walk within the Book its own earth and earth grounds me open earth. Earth grounds me endless earth (a man clothed in a long robe and carrying a staff at the edge of the earth). Book all creation creates creation all Book.

No earth I burn the letters / endless earth erode letters edgeless earth I burn the letters level level gravity heavy water shorten I burn shorter fire shorter shuttle saddle stir fire (earth fires within fires / fires within fires edgeless earth) I burn shutter fire stirs beware ware where burning I burn here anywhere beware not here No earth I burn the letters edgeless earth

All creation opens up fan phantom fanning creation all phantasmagoria (I walk the Book-earth all creation and I look-listen something else / something different I’ve got a feeling I just can’t shake – I’ve got a feeling that just won’t go away – you’ve got a keep on pushing keep on pushing push the sky away I carry a staff at the edge of the earth and I’ve got to keep on pushing the sky away)

(Scare yourself Too normal? Too PJ H? All that matters is my voice and my story)

Dozens well felt want blonde look longing is lonely like ligament first lonesome (at the edge of the earth, scare yourself)

All creation opens up a fan fire within fires I beware wear now here nowhere: here burning nowhere I burn beware hare scare body fire beware I burn what beware now no now know knot fire beware (knot fire and beware)

May I ask you what you feel is a good quality about our friendship? I ask Asia. Our ability to communicate and our drive for creativity, says Asia.

All creation opens up a fan communicating our drive for creativity / creativity drives open all creation

Anywhere here fire black fire on white fire Anywhere here drives black fire and white fire open shutter (the quality of fire fans all different colors impressionist colors – first colors driving abstract expressionism) Anywhere fire approaches fearsome fire fragrant fractals Anywhere this fire letters: anywhere near now knotted fire (Driving knots knot all creation without edges)

Scare yourself. Drive to the edge of the earth and push the sky away. Scare without edges and earth erodes down to the bone of letters. Scare away the sky until only the earth remains: drive away the earth until only the Book remains. Scare yourself – scare the earth of the Book. Scare virtually after psychotherapy then morose be bowels, so amazon good addicts after velvety when. Earth when the fire elapsed, driving creativity.

Colin reads all my blog posts, I say, and he made a funny comment to me today: “Ben will never write about us because we’re not pretty sophianic wise women muses.” Aww, he’s just jealous, says Asia.

All creation opens up a fan from the night of the hidden divine serpent Serpent shows itself woman: serpent glows itself Sophia / Shekinah (serpent scares itself woman: serpent scares edgeless earth fire and fire burns female black fire on white fire)

Anywhere here jealous fire: jealous fire hides black fire on white fire and white fire on black fire Anywhere near this fire this fire letters jealous: anywhere near fire communicates here fire white knots with black knots (I too hope to die into structure but must I spend my whole life doing it? I muse into the structure and Eva awakens my soul heavy adamic and heavy human.) Anyways death towards the horizon on fire driving creativity

I drive creativity and I push into creativity, all creation pushing the sky away. I drive creative scaring myself. A man clothed in a long robe and carrying a staff at the edge of the earth and he drives the creative into the sky. I drive creativity and the creative fire. I fever fire between fire or fire and fire between fire, and fires fever female jealous. Fires scare and fever sophic and sapphic lesbian light. Fire between fires fang fractal sapphic lights - a novel about a girl who was all about women. A female female – and she pushes the sky lesbian lights. Lesbian lights fever jealous fires between fires within fires.

Drive creativity – push the sky communication and communicate jealous creativity. How the fire – deep fire fire structure female and female and female. Her muses. Her light Sophia and Shekinah and Sappho. Drive creativity. Fire structures driving toward my creative death – this death and this between fire and this death. I drive towards jealous death – love as strong as death and a jealous flame: the very flame of Yah. Drive creatively – flame of Yah fire structures and structureless structure fire and a female fire that burns without being extinguished.)

Today my hoop earring got caught on my ear, says Asia, and my students were like “Why is your earring like that?” So I reached up and touched it to see what was wrong, then flipped the other one up on my other ear and said “No, you are supposed to wear them this way. I’m a trend setter.” Then one of my autistic students was staring at me like: : | so I told them I was joking, says Asia.

A man clothed in a long robe and carrying a staff at the edge of the earth, and he hoops fire into fires and I swing the fires into spiraling hoops hop concentric circles.

An erect earth or an allegorical earth flips hoop sky and touches fire sophias. An earth erect Son of Man hoop son fire and jealous female fire. I fever fire between fire: female fire or female fire and fire Book fire. I fever Book fires (Sophianic wide women to wear and my ear and touched up and she drives me creativity. She drives me touch creative all creation.)

An erect earth or an allegorical earth burns fever fewer between fire blowfish and puffin fish fires. I flirt fast between fires faultless fires (Sophianic sapphire fires fire flirt female)

An erect earth drives creativity and today my hoop earring got caught on my ear, and my chemists here like “Why is your earring like that?” So fires it to see what was wrong, then flipped two after one up on my after ear and read “No, you are supposed to wear them like him. I’m a trend setter.” Then one of my two autistic chemists was chalice at me like so fire wish them fire was joking. An erect earth hoops fire and fires directs all creation creativity.

I Burn The Letters And I Never Die

I carry rod of Aaron and staff secret names Secret serpent gnosis and snake-of-mirror causes all things All mirror creation opens a fan from the night near night hidden (night of the hidden nails divine serpent) It pours out from the Outer Circle Taryn tetragrammaton and her mother letters air aleph

I carry aleph and I carry aleph to aleph and aleph with aleph, and the aleph sometimes carries me. Aleph and alphabet carry me widow of the letters (be shrewd as serpents and innocent as doves). I carry aleph ant colony alphabet and alphabets carry my prototype body within alphabets and aleph permeates with the carrying and chariot.

I carry the numbers hand minimal where when how to through numbers (noun number member noun how) I carry and announce numbers noun neon pet numbers (announce net net notch knock network announcement)

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I carry death with me and I often meditate on my own death (The way of the samurai is found in death. Meditation on inevitable death should be performed daily. […] And every day, without fail, one should consider himself dead.)

I carry dead with me, and whether Kindred present or absent or gods present or absent, death speaks through the barrierless barrier and ambushes. Death ambushes hidden in aleph and alphabet, shrewd as serpents and innocent as doves.

(Oh death you hector me and decimate those near to me you tease me with your sweet relief you are cruel and you are constant)

How what witness but death moves – but death bores Death bores for whom the bell tolls What death with but death bores whore of babylon (babel death brick ben hinnom) Death bores through thought I had more to say (The ultimate in suspense Die Screaming Marianne) Death bores aleph and alphabet death ambushes (When the dead start to walk you’d better start running… The Dead Pit Drop in any time)

What death with but death bores where hair (my tired body clashes whore of babylon slashed / I am Caligula glutton of gluttons men over man over woman the whore over man)

Death dune buggy bell bottoms (bottom texas hold’em bottomless pit pit rain death – dire dire docks death) Death dupe dunes my body trespassing bell bottom for whom the bell tolls (as a chemical engineer, he might have chosen a better way than jumping into a narrow stairwell with the risk of remaining paralyzed)

I carry rod of Aaron aleph death and rod reveals its secret names: death and death and ben death: aleph fucks death death fuck my flesh carry: death carries ben bodies shrewd as serpents and innocent as doves. Death carries alphabet delicious death (death drumming death death endless gun violence babel my body – my body endless drums ripped apart by minigun bullets and blowdart bullet ants)

I would like to die (I don’t know how you house the sin but you’re free now won’t you settle down baby here your love has been heavenly father it’s definitely lava why don’t you carry other names). I would like to die. I don’t think I can explain that to you but I want to die. I want to die. I want to die. Do you understand what I mean? I want to die.

Multidimensional death multidirectional (her body was badly decomposed and the precise date of her death could not be determined.)

I carry death with me and I meditate or death but death never takes me (oh death clearly I’m not ready)
//

I carry rod of Aaron water mem fire shen I carry rod of Aaron pronunciation of names and numbers Letters loop serpents lathe ladder of Jacob and ladder of laughter Laughter loops leviathan letters (inner circles with ten divine names in sparkling cycles) Letters loop sparkly cycles followed by further helixes detailing the Christian-Platonic graded cosmos / Taryn ash

I burned the letters. I burned that letter. I burn the letter letter and letter interlaced letters (lacewing letters larger). I burn the letters larger longer. Large the letters together burning Taryn ash. Long letters gather ash passes long letter sludge and I carry the letters continually burning. Luminous letters lengthen aleph ash and aleph death and death looms luminous letters. Luminous letters look into the serpent mirror of luminous letters, and aleph shines all death sleeping letters. I carry rod of Aaron burning letter and luminous death.

Some days, I don’t feel like I’m going to make it, I say to Asia. It’s hard to live. Life is hard, says Asia. I don’t think anyone needs me around so I don’t want to be around anymore, I say. That’s a weird way to think about life, says Asia. You only have value if you are providing value to others? Yes. That’s a recipe for always pouring yourself out and feeling empty, says Asia. It’s also very reductive. You wouldn’t talk about anyone else like that. OK, but I don’t feel happy that I feel nobody needs me, I say. Define “need,” says Asia. I don’t feel I add anything irreplaceable to anyone. I’m replaceable. No one does, says Asia. I’m not really here. You are very much here. Nobody adds anything irreplaceable to anyone? Depends on what you mean by irreplaceable. If I die, I’m replaceable to other lives, I say. Oh my god, shut up, says Asia. I meant that no one created anything that lasts. No one will leave anything behind that lasts. The only thing worthwhile is our love and relationships. That’s what we can offer and it’s the only thing we can leave behind, says Asia. I feel really hurt you told me to shut up, I say. I don’t think I did anything wrong in how I expressed myself and you told me I’m always able to express my feelings to you. You kept going on about no one cares about you, says Asia, and you don’t mean anything to anyone and I’m tired of hearing it and it’s insulting […] That’s what pissed me off because it felt like you just bulldozed over what I was saying, like you didn’t want to hear it, says Asia. […] I was just thinking about Christina, I say. I felt so easily discarded by her. Replaceable. Could you elaborate what you mean by the only thing worthwhile is our love and relationships? I don’t want to be replaceable. By “worthwhile,” I mean outlive us, says Asia. I really try to be worthwhile in your life despite conflict. I try hard to be “irreplaceable” and make a lasting impact on you. Am I worthwhile to you? Am I irreplaceable in your life? I say. Ben, all your friends value you, says Asia. The answer is yes.

I carry rod of Aaron / rod burns letters longer Rod burns luminous letters Taryn ash Ash lives ancient of ancients tria prima (letters linger tria prima primordial will ouroboros materia)

You know I will never die. I carry the rod and aleph ash and ash rains secret letters serpents. You know I never die and some days I don’t feel like I’m going to make it but you know I never die. I carry luminous letters look ash swings sheets of sound. Aleph sheets of sound share hard death and erect death and phallic death but you know I never die. I pour out my body aleph aleph aleph until empty (way aleph weird way way ash death), but you know I never die.

I burn the fiery letters additional fires: I burn the fiery letters additive fires (fire recursive fire flirts fiery letters)

I burn the letters – I burn the letters – burn the letters (I burn the letters longer fire and larger fire) I used to feed that fire

I burn the letters later lateral lateral: I burn the letters left swift left larger (Larger fire water wavering) I burn aleph death but you know I never die but I keep burning (wavering radiant Adam radar fire fever rhizome)

I carry rod of Aaron and staff sows secret names sprout serpentine (serpent burn aleph and you know I never die)

I Carry Rod Of Aaron

I carry rod of Aaron abstract expressionism

All abstract alphabet bath bath Abstract alphabet all bath blue blue hue abstract (all absolute abstract I carry abstraction to alphabet alphabets) Abstract extend pornographic pomegranates / gravel pit pluck kung fu plum plumb stratified bark

I carry rod of Aaron abstract expressionism. I express abstraction absolute geometry. Geometry carries additional geometry contained in the place of alphabet (animal adding animal total into my humanity). Abstract transfigures rod of Aaron into geometry and inside the angle human-animal. I carry the stratified bark into the geometry / geology of Book Bodies.

I carry rod of Aaron abstract expressionism: carry blue on a point, a muscular canvas and a multidimensional canvas Carve canvas skin shards share slim canvas (shaped canvas geometry) Carve canvas skin shards: human skin shaped shaped canvas Shaped canvas sharp sharpens skull ben human new american art Skull bicycle stand cycle bisexual mutate mutations (my complete insect metamorphosis)

I carry rod of Aaron and it buds geometry and number theory: sift sieve prime numbers marionettes Sift skull ben human shifts bricoleur babel: babel gnosis noxious gnosis great american novel

//
What new process renews Kindred and Kindred what new numbers announcing numbers. I announce numbers Kindred prophecy. Kindred numbers bewitch Book in abstract expressionism.

I have a lot of feelings for you and the Kindred that I have difficulty expressing in words, I say. Relationships are complicated, says Christina. How would you describe the Kindred these days? An enduring, says C. Not hot and smoldering and full of romantic tension? No. How am I supposed to write a steamy fantasy novel then when you’re the maiden and I’m the minotaur who rescues you from your tower? … If I’m being serious I would describe the Kindred as difficult and intense. I feel an intense love for you that cannot be easily categorized. I imagine you feel a similar for me, I say. It’s not simple and it encompasses a lot, says C. What makes it complex? I say. What is simple love? When I think of simple love I think of something like: this person is my friend I talk to and I love them as a friend and I play scrabble with sometimes and talk to. Or maybe that’s already too complex to be called simple, I say. I think of my love for my children as simple, says Christina. It’s deep and wonderful and contains different roles/dynamics. But they are all very comprehensible. It’s not easy or casual, but I do think it’s simple. Kindred doesn’t have a lot of established parts to it, says Christina. Kindred is malleable maybe, I say. Is being complex bad? I say. Complex isn’t bad, says Christina.

What new process renews Kindred: malleable process and complex processes What new process Kindred abstract to minotaur who resolves you and talk to it New process what couple complex love for me feelings for me (it’s not easily categorized and I imagine you and it encompasses a lot)

Witch numbers renew Kindred numbers wolf word (from word to Kindred minotaur wolves announcing-number) Word wall bewitched word renews the canvas Kindred: wall end next process renews Kindred new american art (I baseman a lot of feelings so and the Kindred I baseman difficulty ulsters to hens. Relationships herd complicated. Now need so describe Kindred beer blue.)

What new process discovers and rediscovers Kindred endless news numbers
//

I carry rod of Aaron immersed manganese in deep violet (carry rhizomic rod mixed media and intermedia rod rob rib fuel rod rhizome) I carry rod of Aaron experiments assemblages and collage ark of the covenant Experimental assemblage and collage Sun Ra Arkestra alchemy

Carry stratified bark and stratified geologies: carry layers and layers deep hexes. Carry stratified word renews layers and layers deep Kindred. I study bark blades: bark shank shark deep Kindred swimming. Deep Kindred prophesies stratified new american novel (fall gall themselves and gash gold vermilion)

I carry my staff for a summons a snake serpent button serous and serous summa serpents

(I have lost the ability to compose the large structures / large scale. To stretch the form or give the form longer – not stretch but expand the scale and extend the scale. I have lost the skill to compose the large scale and big scale, but I practice big form / scale scalar fragments. I collapse into the lengthy structure / structure extends extension – and I give the practice praxis scale and symphony. Both directions at once: minimalism and maximalism. Both directions at once: I need describe the Kindred up difficult and intense: those of the blue herd that come to doss for me. I feel an intense warehouse for so that subarea my auditory bipolarizes. I lose the feel for the large scale but I experiment and Kindred renews / summons. Kindred summons serpent scale and scale difficult and intense.)

I carry rod of Aaron and staff secret names names secret serpent gnosis
I carry rod of Aaron and staff secrets, and staff names and renames serpents
Carry rod of Aaron and staff names stratified bark bark Carry bark both directions at once and barks

Deep Kindred summons serpents serpent stratifications

(I summon symphonic form forms long serpents and serpent long songs. I summon scale odd sonata-allegro form and serpent twisting developing variations. I work to develop serpent developing variations, and variations build the scale. I build the scale and I experiment towards failure/s. Failures flesh out large scale and serpent big composition.)

I carry rod of Aaron and staff secret names and secret serpent gnosis, and the snake-of-mirror causes all things All mirror creation opens up a fan from the night of the hidden, divine serpent (Carry rod of Aaron staff serpent name names staff Carry rod of Aaron staff pass secret name names passages Rod carry rod red Aaron summons secret serpent gnosis) Carry and carry stratified bark bark deep carry All creation opens up large scale scale sketch what comprehensible It’s already too compasses a lot of a sizzle, and talk to Kindred

I carry the rod of Aaron

I Study The Flammarion Engraving

I study the Flammarion engraving. The print depicts a man clothed in a long robe and carrying a staff at the edge of the earth where it meets the sky. He kneels down and passes his head, shoulders, and right arm through the star-studded sky, discovering a marvelous realm of circling clouds, fires, and suns beyond the heavens.

I study the Flammarion engraving and I carry my staff to the edge of the earth (I carry separate space and separate speeds. I carry speed separate spurious space. Space engraves spectral space in strict species counterpoint in Contra III The Alien Wars space. Polysemous space engraves the staff of night music.) I study into the irregular flux flowing knowledge: irregular flux flows over the rhizomic sea serpents

//
I study and print Kindred engraved in space and this is where time becomes space

I feel happy Christina is here. Christina here hovers light into heavy light illuminating here. Christina here happens into lever heavy light (Christina aether airy aether Christina). Christina here floats hex point point here heavy light Christina.

I study Christina engraved in space: Christina metric space distance points space Christina Study engraved space: space Christina speech split sit surround Christina (Crisp Christina kisses crack hack chasm slack soda pop Christina) Study engraved Christina (free jazz Christina free improvisation)

I study and print Kindred engraved in space and this is where time becomes space: this space speaks Christina chaoses
//

I study the Flammarion engraving and its alchemy imprints on my body unsteady colors / my body immersed color marriage of heaven and hell I carry my staff to the edge of the earth edgeless

I carry rod of Aaron. I carry rod of Aaron and I cast down the rod before Pharaoh and it becomes serpents. I cast down the rod before Pharoah Sanders and we blow tenor saxophone serpent glossolalia (I improvise intertwined serpents immersed Father, Son and Holy Ghost). I carry rod of Aaron apocatastasis and rod reeks bone awl and bone scalpel (I cut into scarped saw shell surfaces). Rod surfaces and floats into Christina light and her lights reveal revolutions around the X-axis. Rabbits appear in axes, Christina lights in the attic.

Feeling warm and fuzzy feelings, but also melancholy desiring feelings, I say to Christina. I was writing about the Kindred and that does it sometimes. It made me feel like I’m one of the few constants in your life. Is that fair to say, you think? Definitely fair, says Christina. You’re stuck with me, sorry to say, I say. I wouldn’t have it any other way, says C. I do romanticize the Kindred in a way, I say. Like it’s a super special relationship thing that is divinely inspired or something. I see a spiritualness in it, says Christina. What kind of spirituality? I say. I don’t have strengths in tending relationships, but this one persists, she says. My 12-steppy brain says that’s a God thing. God knows I need a very understanding to reel me in, says C. It perseveres because I keep bugging you, I say. There are plenty of people who bug me who I don’t return to. I didn’t know that, I say. I thought I was just annoyingly persistent! I reel you in? Well, I think I know it’s a good relationship, says C. It always helps me when I’m present. You are a steady and trustworthy friend. But my regular brain doesn’t think I deserve that kind of thing or think it will work out. I have to be in my right mind to recognize it for what it is. I understand that, I say. My brain does the same thing in some of my other relationships – feel like I don’t deserve it. But I don’t feel that with you. When you were gone I wrote that it felt like the natural order of the universe was disturbed and how it didn’t make sense for the Kindred not to exist, I say.

Study the Flammarion engraving and engrave the rod of the image into the road and cones of my eyes

I have no fear of making changes, destroying the image, etc. because the painting has a life of its own (I fear making changes. I make changes / I fear making changes. Christina changes metric spaces in the space of changing distances. I make changes and you are plenty of spired and how it’s super special relationships but the same: same changes. I have no fear of making changes and changes play polysemous nocturnes / wouldn’t have it any other way right music. Changes wouldn’t have it any other way polysemous. Polysemous. I keep bugging in my regular brain say you were are plenty of spired.)

I fear making changes but I continue to carry the road and staff serpent

Rod roots rhizome Rod unroots rhizomes rayonism (The Book is not an image of the world: Book forms rhizome with the world, a parallel evolution of Book and World. I do not fear changes and destroying the image, because Book invents and reinvents image in Chaos and Kindred / feeling kind and fuzzy feelings but also soundness cavitation feelings.)

The Book is not image of the world but destroys the image because the Book-World has a life of its own I study the Book engraved in world and world engraved in Book, and Book destroys-invents new process What new process: anything new What new process: text or text tunnel Text text tunnel God didn’t because spiritualness What new process: process possession text process: process possession text eroticism Possession text romanticizes Kindred divinely inspired Kindred

I study the Rod of Aaron engraved root root without root What new root without processes engraved text possessed power series (What new numbers announcing numbers – numbers no outlet and dead end – dead end nexus hex haxan) Study rod of Aaron with without rooted numbers (What new process – cell process low cut pornographic poltergeists – process new pornographic pomegranates play endless numbers innumerable – what new numbers announcing numbers)

I carry rod of Aaron abstract impressionism (Boiling wart and lisle feelings but also hovercraft marigold feelings. I was flayed about the Kindred and that does it sometimes. It home been like I’m one of those low constants in your tale. Is that fair to say, you think?)

I carry the rod of Aaron abstract expressionism. I carry blue on a point, a museum canvas. I carve canvas skin shards: human skin crystals. Human crystals engraved in canvas sharpen my skull new American art. My skull as canvas transforms canvas into ready-made bicycles, and I spin my skull as a bicycle wheel. My skull spins kinetic art bicycle stand and the moving parts part prime numbers (witch numbers and wolf numbers witch word wolf word pomegranate porneia). I carry the Rod of Aaron in the cupboard of my skull and I sift sand through eye socket magazines: prime number marionettes + marionette castlevania canvases. Castlevania canvases hammer witch numbers into earth edge roots. My skull bricoleurs canvas into anti-library / tower of babel and it babels great American novel and Flammarion engraving.

Knowledge Knots Repeatedly

Knowledge knots repeatedly knowledge knots rhizome repetition (some couchgrass, some of a rhizome) Knowledge knots repetition and varieties variety rapture rhizomes (a becoming-baboon in the cat does not mean the cat plays baboon)

Knowledge knots repeatedly and knots tune tuned textures (tuned textures / detuned textures / desert drone microtonal) (Knowledge knots into the knot of gnosis: repeated gnosis and five trees of paradise repeated gnosis knowledge knots into the eye. Knot of my knotted body and my body repeats knotted tuning. Knowledge knots into my body tuned microtonal / god of just intonation.)

Tuned textures detuned textures Tuned textures drone desert microtonal

Knowledge knots repeatedly Knowledge knots rhizome repetition (some couchgrass, some of a rhizome) Knowledge knots repetitions and varieties variety rupture rhizomes (a becoming-baboon in the cat does not mean the cat plays baboon) Benjamin-baboon belongs nowhere but a sterling gnosis, stone gnosis stenosis / bone marrow narrows my name in gnosis non gnosis

Knowledge knots my gnosis endless loops and spirals / staircase rhizome lighthouse haunted Lighthouse haunts haunted haunted (rhizome anti-genealogy) Lighthouse haunted houses (rhizome parallel evolution)

Lighthouse lights gnosis of the knot. Lighthouse haunted haunted lights haunted knot gnosis and repeated knot gnosis. Lighthouse looks into haunted light looking-light learning haunted. Looking lighthouse lights looking glass past-present, and haunting glues glass marriage of heaven and hell. Lighthouse lights gnostic hell and I know hell through lighthouse haunt: her haunts marriage of lights.

Immediately afterward the idea of texture Immediately towards idea immediate texture Taryn Texture Taryn immediate next take the short short end and warp it around to make a knot

Lighthouse immediately haunts texture light textures haunting. Lighthouse wraps around lighthouse the knot of the lighthouse illuminating the idea of texture (tuned textures / detuned textures / desert drone microtonal). Lighthouse illuminates towards the idea of haunted hell and hell wraps around lighthouse repeatedly knots / impossible knots.

//
Knowledge repeats the knot of my body: body haunted into the looking-light of the lighthouse and my body falls things fall apart. My body falls lighthouse hell. Knowledge repeats the deterioration of my body open-endless decay.

What are your health ailments? I ask Christina. I have to go in for a heart work-up soon, she says. I’ll see if I can convince him to convince the team to let me off some meds. Are you super sick? I say. It’s just a combination of things that sucks. I had to get a rabies series last month! The wild skunks in the park started biting guests. The city did necropsies and found rabies. Whoa, check that off your bingo card, I say. Right?! And the usual rotation of seizures, thyroid issues, heart stuff, body parts falling off, etc. etc. You don’t have any lady parts anymore? I say. You could get cyborg ones perhaps. I had to get radiation treatment, says Christina. I didn’t want to alarm you. I’m fighting to get a hysterectomy. My insurance won’t pay for it yet. Cervical [cancer]. Low grade and stage 0. But still. I just don’t like my body turning on me. I have to show it who’s boss, she says. Yeah, that’s troubling, I say. I was going to crack some jokes but I better not. It is serious. I had my radiation treatment 2 weeks ago-ish. I feel OK. What was the jokes? Two thoughts, I say. First was, wouldn’t it totally track with the humor the universe of we reconcile and you died afterwards? Second one, I can show your body who’s boss. You are on point! says Christina. At least you know you’ll do just fine if I die! Pressure’s off me now, she says.

Knowledge repeats the knots of my body: my body haunted into the looking-glass lighthouse and knots house my body radioactive. My body radiates knots knot nude light and I fall through the light desert iron
//

Knowledge knots repeatedly what are your and what are you What are yours knots knowledge repeatedly repeat your and you yod and your yahu a divine material body Your health horse heavy knots divine habit divine / divine hand halide

What are you what you: Taryn knot textures well-balanced in tension and symmetry What your knot textures asymmetry / polysemous super mario brothers pipes (What are your knots? My knots are mine the minor drum drum rhythm knotted into the body trance. What are your knots? The fear of the question, the question quaking as question and the question encroaching as spreading quaking aspen. What are your knots? My embarrassment knots and the intensity of my emotions knot and I find these knots into the you / your your into knots.) What are you your: Taryn symmetry and asymmetry and the tension of questions tethers / textures

I dislike questions and question marks in literature, I say to Asia. I rarely use both in my own work. I feel most questions are rhetorical in literature and thus a little cringe. Weird opinion? I wouldn’t call it cringe, says Asia, but I would call it eccentric. I still think it’s important for rhetorical questions to be known as questions because sometimes people don’t know that they can even ask those kinds of questions so I think it’s good to leave them even if you don’t offer answers or ask for them, but I guess that’s the teacher in me. There is a concept in teaching where you model critical thinking by asking questions out loud to get kids thinking. Not that I always do a good job with it but like the idea is you would read a text and pause then ask questions like “I wonder why they would do that?” or “I wonder that means?” The idea is that if you model those questions then the students learn how to ask questions and that is a skill people need to learn, says Asia. That makes sense, I say. I see how that would encourage them. Even very open questions like that helps? Yes, she says. Maybe I should tackle why I dislike questions and question marks in my writing and use them until I do like them. Like understanding better why I dislike things, I say. I think that would be a good thing to explore, says Asia.

What are you your repeatable knots knot what are you knots What are your knots in the double bind of the question: eccentric questions ask past offer questions (knot texture asymmetry / polysemous super mario brothers blue pipes poke immobile bodies in the question of the body / body question bullet bill question changes)

Knowledge knots repeatedly and I add knots just a combination of things Knowledge repeats knots the question of the knot (The knotted question becomes a parable: which of these three, do you think, was a neighbor to the man who fell into the hands of the robbers?) Knowledge ties knots stealth gnosis question sound (a schlieren photograph showing the compression in front of an upswept wing at Mach 1.2)

Taryn knot texture well-balanced in tension and symmetry (I gut knot symmetries within the tension of what are your / what are you. I sort the gut of knots under tension and the symmetries of work heartwork work symmetries. Symmetry strings heartwork to the gut of the knot and knots twist into the combination of things. Knots act in the symmetry of knots knurled in the act of knot-question and knot-gnosis. I gut knots serial: row and your row and row you for your combination of things. I gut knots not-serial but in the increasing chromatic progression of Bela Bartók’s string quartets, and knots work the heartwork of measures as tonal centers with axes of symmetry.) Taryn knot textures texture maybes should tackle why dislike questions (Why patterns? Why patterns question marks in my own writing and questions out loud to be known writing. Why patterns? Patterns question out loud known writing and use them and questions. Why patterns? Patterns participate in the chromatic arch arc heartwork my question awake.)

An irregular flux flows knowledge An irregular rhizome chrome tanned leather tannin salt sea monsters

An irregular flux flows knowledge what kind of questions way ask An irregular rhizome chrome tanned that if way solid those questions then the twilight learn how to art questions

Knowledge knots repeatedly: repented body radiation and my body turns in on me / turns my body into the question of the my knot

Change Direction The Shape Of Jazz To Come

Then change direction several minutes of free improvisation (the shape jazz to come)

Change direction the shape of jazz to come Change the shape of jazz to come shape shift shape Shape slip pit shape directions (directions into directions shapes)

I do not give up jazz but I shape jazz anew (Kerouac gave up Buddhism the way he abandoned everything) I do not give up jazz but shape janus both directions at once (Benjamin gives up Christianity. Benjamin gives up Christianity and I believe in desperate acts, the kind that make me look stupid.)

Then change direction several minutes of free improvisation

I was telling Asia how I was still getting used to talking to you again and how I didn’t talk to you yesterday, I say to Christina. I said I had told Christina I might feel anxiety when life becomes busy, that it might take a bit of rebuilding to feel comfortable when we don’t talk for a day or two or whatever it is. Asia suggested if one of us needs space and not talk for a bit, we let each other know ahead of time… I felt a lot of distress when I didn’t have any idea what happened to you for awhile and I think it would be a good idea if you let me know if you need to take some extended time instead of leaving me in the dark. And I will do the same for you. That’s not something I can do right now, says Christina. There will definitely be times when I’m too sad to look at my phone and in that case, there’s nothing I can do ahead of time. I think there’s a difference though not talking to me for a week and not telling me for three months, I say. I do completely understand that’s anxiety-producing, says Christina. If it’s not the right time yet, just let me know… I thought you meant like every day, she says. No, I say. I just mean like a few days you can’t talk, give me a heads up you’re OK after a bit. Definitely less than a week, says C. I’m totally good with that, I say. I do plan on getting better, says C. And I do see my relationship skills as a defect (like the 12-step definition). So I will be praying about it and asking God to empower me. I also think it helps, if you continue like today… You made it easy to connect with you even though I hadn’t read all your texts. Less pressure. I can sometimes talk a lot, I say. If you miss a lot of messages and it’s overwhelming, don’t feel obligated to read everything. If it’s super important I will bring it up or ask you. I appreciate the leeway, says C. I know it’s not ideal, but I think it will help me to take baby steps back into being friends.

Then change direction and then change direction several minutes of free improvisation (the shape of jazz to come / the shape of Kindred to come)

Then change direction I for what idea might of I I for what to not be praying with that two

Change directions dense texts / directions text dense stacked tank intensities Dense texts torch Taryn tortoiseshell intensities / erosion eccentricities Change directions a large number of rhythmically independent lines with resultant overlappings A large number bring to me telling large brings to me telling you didn’t You large number leaving in again you into I defect dark (I defect dark large numbers / defect dark large marge)

A large number of rhythmically independent lines mix defect dark with resultant overlappings defect dark dark independent (The narrative of Ben and Christina is a narrative that gives me hope. I desperately need hope and I desperately hope because I feel deathly apocalypse. Death arrives death and death attack airplane apocalypse kontake / bukkake eschaton.)

Change direction a few minutes of free improvisation (I study the Flammarion engraving. I study a wood engraving by an unknown author, so named because of its first documented appearance in Camille Flammarion’s 1888 book L'atmosphère : météorologie populaire. I study the Flammarion engravings use a metaphorical illustrative of either the scientific or mystical quests for knowledge.) Change directions a few minutes improvises free alchemy and fire chemistry engraved both directions at once

Dense texts stacked tank intensities change directions: Christina direction direct god bomb last (I feel a mix of erectness when I didn’t have its area what boltholes to you for awhile and I think it would be good if you let me know if you keep to take some extended time instead of beating me in the rich. And I will do the same for you.) Dense texts torch Taryn stalk tank intensities and Christina erodes my eccentric body always conic sections I direct text voices free polyphony

A large number of rhythmically independent lines with resultant overlappings / fused field of sound enlivened by irregular accentuations

Large number directions directions (Form blood chilly thrillers all rated R Diabolic Wedding a marriage night ordained by the devil himself. And The Gruesome Twosome in ghastly color! Astounding, stunning, bizarre: The Wizard of Gore and Edgar Allen Poe’s Legend of Horror)

Large number directions directions (Their form is human but they have crossed over… Is this sex after death? Th Witchmaker)

Then change direction several minutes of free improvisation (I said had suck Christina I might feel anxiety when life becomes safe that it might take a bit of rebuilding to feel refrangible when we don’t wind for a how or two or desiccated it is)

Texts overlap not to produce a network of interwoven independent lines but dense sound complexes that then change direction several minutes of free improvisation

I Make A Knot, Change Directions, And Make A Second Knot

I make a knot, change directions, and make a second knot

Corpse in a basket lower lower window bowl corpse corpse ball twenty or thirty centimeters of excess rope Centimeter mako shark shark sharp discontinuities

I make a knot, change directions, and make a second knot

I nylon knot not knot but network. I knit knot unknot twisted and pulled into itself a knot to start a new network. I knot crosshatched not knot nonlinear nostalgia and numerical methods of integration.

//
Make a knot into the knot of direction and I change the direction canals / channels in my brain. I change Christina tunnels tunnel nonlinear nostalgia.

In Christina’s absence, the song that I listened to the most that reflected my feelings about Christina was “The Background” By Third Eye Blind (The plans I make still have you in them because you come swimming into view and I’m hanging on your words like I always used to do the words they use so lightly I only feel for you I only know because I carry you around in the background). What should our reconciliation song be? I will ask Christina but I suspect she will leave it to me – some song by Gin Blossoms or Goo Goo Dolls? Or something Postal Service. Or All Apologies by Nirvana: What else should I be? All apologies. Or Alice In Chains “No Excuses”: You, my friend, I will defend, and if we change, well I love you anyway

Christina knots null, knot and knot annihilation
//

I make a knot, change directions, and make a second knot

I weave corpse basket into newsprint knot and I pull knot northeast northwest the shape of punk to come I weave corpse lower window punk newsprint play knots not knots (a brief thematic statement, then several minutes of free improvisation, followed by repetition of the main theme)

I storytell the knot and I remember the knot in the story-narrative. In the knot, I grow my body as storyteller and great rememberer. I receive knot knot-knowledge storyteller great rememberer. I knot into the not knot storyteller / great rememberer. I remember not great but gods. I remember revenant ghost remains and I remember rawhead rex riptide tendon rex. I remember in the remembering the future vision of my own corpse basket-weaving and lowering of the window through knots.

I change the knot of directions / I’m not God but something similar I make the second knot and I remember Alexis Argüello was an avid breeder of cats

//
I make a knot, canine directions, and make a second knot, and this second knot Christina relates to the first knot Christina. The first knot Christina prophesies the second knot of Christina, and the knots double into the body embodied Christina.

The Christina mourning notebook is really embarrassing now in retrospect, I say. It’s very dramatic. Dramatic is OK, says Christina. Most people can relate. I wrote a couple poems about you in your absence, I say. “A Christina Clarihew”. “Christina Mia Smith / kills many men with / hacking knife slices / and various torture devices.” That sounds kind of hot, says C. I imagined you’d like it, I say. It’s hot to kill men? I think I viscerally assume “kill” is fuck in poetry, she says. No; I mean you’re a serial killer slaughtering these dudes. I was picturing pegging, says C.

I take a knot, change directions, and I storytell-remember Kindred. I knot the knot of Great Remembering and Great Re/creating: Kindred knits not-knot and our narratives knit knowledge knowledge gnosis basket-weaving.
//

I storyteller the storyteller Kindred narratives. I remember revenant ghost and I research not-knot conflagration (flagella flagellum flagellate phalluses cock cook cocaine story carrier / great remember). I storytell Benjamin, diffident and awkward, who is meant to be a jazz trumpeter, but wastes his time drinking in Manhattan bars and trying to pick up girls.

Knot nighthawks door ajar night jars Night knots jars (The Christina mourning notebook is really embarrassing not in the thumping. It’s home dramatic.) Knot night night nighthawks how holy knot (Think I viscerally assume kill men with kills many women. I think I viscerally assume kill men with men with kills many men with kills.) Knot nighthawks door ajar night jars Knot nighthawk neoplastic nocturne newsprint

Structure Mia Smith / kills many wet with / hacking score slices / and various torture bovines

I make a knot, change directions directions that sounds kind of hot

(Plain knot newsprint then change direction several minutes of free improvisation the shape of jazz to come) (Not to produce a network of interwoven independent melodic lines but dense sound complexes)

I make a knot into dense texts stacked tank intensities, and I change directions dense texts torches taryn tortoiseshell intensities (erosion eccentricities). I make a second knot and a large number of rhythmic calling independent lines with resultant overlappings.

The second knot I think I viscerally insane hold is fuck in laughs. No I mean you’re a serial birches slaughtering these pupal / pupae.

You can fuck in retrospect. It’s lot. I wrote a serial kill men with.

//
Here’s a passage of grief from a longer excerpt, I say to Christina.

All I write feels inadequate or inaccurate. It feels absurd or futile: what is this what am I I am not real – I do not really exist – I don’t really exist exit and I slowly disintegrate now Christina cannot sustain me. A tulpa – or dreamed in the circular ruins. Christina and I watched A Beautiful Mind with her church youth group and on the drive home, we joked I only existed in her mind, a ben imaginary friend, a Christina hallucination. I garden unreal without Christina and I exist does not exist through the looking glass. I awake in this dream, you see – I wake Christina suddenly Ben alone and I disappear – only desert remains. No Ben, no Christina, only extended dandelion Book of Sand.

I’ve never been able to sustain you, says Christina. I have too much whirling energy for any one person to sustain me, I say. It takes a city perhaps or a country. But I did feel I was disappearing without you, I say.
//

I make a knot what is this What is this dream, you see – I disintegrate I make a knot what this dream I disintegrate I knot and I garden unreal (unreal knot nighthawk apophatic neoplastic nocturne unreal Garden unreal several minutes of free improvisation

I make a knot, change directions, and make a second knot I make a second knot and I do not sustain you – I have sustain me I am I I am I I garden unreal without you see – I disappear I sustain me in circular ruins / Christina extended

I make a knot and change directions. I knot storyteller / great rememberer

I Sin With Three Things

I sin with three things: with my eye, with my thigh and with my stomach I sin three things with Sabbatai Sevi: our eyes, our thighs, and our stomachs (Blessed be the God who has the ability to make all things clean)

I sin with three things: rope, riptide, and rhizome. Wrap rope Rahab via her cage accumulation. I collect rib cage uncage cataclysm. Rib cage rolls roll-cage and cracked ribs reveal Cain and Abel.

I sin with three things and I worship my friends and gods greater than YHVH. I always miss my friend-gods more than I miss YHVH. I always miss everyone (I miss Taylor – I miss Danielle – I miss Megan). I always miss everyone I always miss. I always miss and missing these people I miss missing (missing from me and I forget and I forget remember the remembering). I always sin against the Christian god because I worship other gods than YHVH trinitarian Father-Son-Holy Ghost.

(Christina. Always Christina. Always already Christina. I always love Christina. I always love Christina and I swear I’m a good man so why don’t you love me back? I always love Christina and she says you always smell like cigarettes and there’s always whiskey on your breath but you’re the best that I can can do and I, I think I love you.)

I sin with three things and I wrap rope rahab red caravan bone Sin carves wrap carbon kaleidoscope skin scald sin Reed coral caravan for we have heard how god dries up the waters of the Sea of Reeds for you when you left Egypt and what you did to Sihon and Og, the two Amorite kings across the Jordan, whom you doomed

I sin with three things and when you when you when you utterly destroyed I sin with my ear before the Reeds the you who and whom how to you I sin with my stomach for the sea Sihon and you Amorite

What have you been doing lately when you feel unease? says Christina. This will sound dumb but I have mantras written down, I say. The past year a lot of my anxiety was due to my friendship with Asia. But she’s also been pushing me to create some new mantras focusing on my own abilities as well. “I love you unconditionally and you unconditionally love me. We are best friends. I contribute equally to our friendship; I make our friendship better with as equal effort as you. Pando exists because I participate in it equally as you.” […] “I create and prophesy with people who care about me. I acknowledge this collaborative effort but I put it together and make it. My creations don’t make me a lesser friend or person, but rather make me a better friend and person.” Have those been doing the trick? says Christina. Yeah, they’ve been helpful, I say. I was using a version earlier today. I have a weird hyperfixation on exact words and language. I have had conflict with Asia in the past concerning this. She isn’t comfortable telling me in verbal language she loves me. She is comfortable with affirming it when I ask her – or showing it through action. The mantras were kind of a way for me to remember a common ground even if we expressed our love for each other in different ways, if that makes sense. It does make sense, says Christina. I’m glad you found something that works. I told Asia I reconciled with you, I say. She was asking about the details. I told her I bragged about Pando to Christina and I sent her the screenshot of me explaining it to you. Pando and Asia and I as best friends. Asia liked my explanation of my friendship with her. I feel good about that. That’s nice to be on the same page, says Christina. It seems like your friendship has really developed.

(You don’t have to go around feeling that everything you feel is wrong, says Asia. If it really was coocoo bananas then months later when you write about it you would look at it and be like “Wait a minute…” Just like you can look at your old mantras and poems and go “wow that’s cringe”, she says.) (I look at these past mantras I told Christina and they make me cringe – not because the mantras aren’t true but because my insecurities were so deep, I needed such long and detailed mantras. I still struggle with insecurities but I see the progress made.)

I sin with three things and with three women: KRYSXTRYN twin KRYSXTRYN twine KRYSXTRYN I sin with three women and Ben and KRYSXTRYN + Asia With Word-Weevils de/construct Christianity and I sin in heretic Christianity I sin new heretic Christianity (I see with three things and my trinitarian body sins double and triple time. My trinitarian body sins within double and triple time tempered time. I sin with three things and three bodies, the triple body Christina and triple goddess Christina.

I sin with when re/written mantras mantra Sin with where sound dumb drum mouth / mouth sins wheel

I sin anxious axiom tri-axium See see partially center our axiom avant-garde allele (Sin anxious avant-garde grandiose sin)

I sin with three things: have those been doing trick

Asia with the past With the past Past Asia with with common ground Common ground with With common ground verbal language

With sin three things stomach Sabbatai Sevi thigh Sabbatai Sevi eye Sabbati Sevi

Pando exists I participate in it equally with you You pando Asia Rhizome With you rhizome

Can I talk to you about something I was writing? I say. Sure, says Asia. I was working on some writing last night and I’m finally writing a lot of stuff that happened when me and Christina reconciled, and part of that reconciliation process was updating her about my friendship with you. […] This is the two mantras I shared with Christina. [I copy the mantras and send them to Asia] I found the mantras cringe. They’re true but they strike me as so clumsy and insecure and overly detailed and analytical. You are clumsy and insecure though, says Asia. Or you can be. Yeah, I agree with that, I say. Do you think it’s important for those mantras to reflect a clumsy and insecure ben? They should reflect where you are and where you want to be, says Asia. If you think they are cringe now then maybe you’ve outgrown them a bit but it could also be that you just feel uncomfortable around your own emotions and feelings, says Asia. I am glad I shared it with you then because I was thinking very binary about it, I say. This is cringe, this is embarrassing, time to get rid of it, look how insecure and clumsy past ben is. But maybe it’s also a sign of lingering feelings within myself too, not accepting part of myself… Hey, thank you for your patience and love even for clumsy and insecure ben. No problem, says Asia.

I sin with three things: and clumsy part of it, have equally about grown then be, you are better and you with my eye I shared both with with with with my thigh I shared both with past presence around you uncomfortable my stomach but I acceptinary bit but

I wrap rope with three: red rope, red window, and red wall. I wrap rope three reds and I prophesy red wall word. I prophesy open window open door wilderness word (I create and prophesy with people who tale about me. I acknowledge the vulnerability uphangs, but I fun its filister and make it). I prophesy wild word wild and I prophesy with wild (wild word rope walled winged nail no name crucifixions / wild you ene fluyts and insanity breast Wild they should reflect whole you want to be).

I sin with prophesy three and three: it who care ben myself together strike our own emotions I sin wraps rope and prophesy with you a red and maybe you

My Hands Prophesy Hope Of Prophecy

I hint at my hands I hint my hands Christ holes / goose stomach stigmata

I hint at my hands words Christ hole hole language languages whole Languages hole Christ hand and I read somewhere Leonard Da Vinci painted Christ with nail marks in his wrists because based on his studies of human anatomy and the traditional description of the crucifixion, he knew Christ’s hands couldn’t support the weight of his body (this assumed no ropes were used and Christ’s feet were nailed in front of the cross) He hands hint liturgy of the hours hours hospice and I borrow my writing from death (I wish I could write about anything other than death) I borrow from death death absolutely

I have mixed feelings about turning 40, I say. I’m trying to celebrate it big to feel better about it. Oh shit, says Christina. I forgot we turned 40 this year. What are your mixed feelings? TIME TO GET A MOTORCYCLE, I say. I”m old. I didn’t think I would live to 40. You’re past mid-life crisis, I think, says C. You lived past the median age for adult with mental health issues. I thought 40 was middle aged, I say. Oh shit, you’re right, says C. Google says 40-60. I signed up for AARP last month. You are old, I say. They have good deals! says Christina

My hands hint liturgy of the hours hands prayer (My hands pray shit, for adult with mental health / my hands hint you’re turning mixed life midlife crisis for about thought forty)

My hands borrow my writing from death and to death (I wish I could write about anything other than death. Death delivers itself to death after death overtures to death, the song writes melodic death. Song sings harmonic death / an evil heat harmony. I wish I could write about anything other than death and I steal death in text and quotation.)

I borrow my writing towards death death absolutely My hands heat halfway erasure: halfway erasure erasure entirely (You line down death death median Median Median meddle middle-aged forgot we turn forty Erasure half-way I forgot we turn forty) My hands hint erasure aperture erasure

My hands heat halfway erasure: half-way erasure erase entirely Halfway erasure erase entirely / holistic words hand wolf transformations My hands husk hula hoop hypnosis: harp homosexuals hymn homosexuals hookworm homosexuals look hands entirely

My hands hit erase six erasure hands my hands My hands hike hit erasure entirely sit erasure erasure my hands (My hands pray holy holy holy: my hands entirely pray the throne holy holy holy. Hands haunt host and haunt the glory and throne, and throne teeters hands entire. Holy holy holy prays odd gods and prime gods. The god N has opened the womb: the god N has widened the womb. My hands hint the god N and nameless, the womb wearing the width of the word – word.) My hands erase erase many gods and reveal gods other

I think Asia would say I haven’t been abusive since that time, I say. She feels I have been improving as a friend in general. It seems like you’ve experienced a lot of growth, says Christina. Sometimes it doesn’t feel like it, I say. It’s a struggle honestly. I don’t think I would have survived without Asia’s help when you were absent. I’m glad you had support, says C. I feel pretty lucky, I say. I’m such a difficult person to get along with but many people love me. You’re irreplaceable though. I’m not, says C, but I appreciate you being nice. Have you seen the movie Before Sunset with Julie Delpy and Ethan Hawke? I say. I don’t think so. OK, I’m going to send you a quote from the movie, I say. “I feel I was never able to forget anyone I’ve been with. Because each person has their own specific qualities. You can never replace anyone. What is lost is lost. Each relationship when it ends really damaged me. I never fully recover. That’s why I’m very careful getting involved, because… It hurts too much! Even getting laid! I don’t actually do that… I miss on the other person the most mundane things. I’m obsessed with little things. Maybe I’m crazy but… when I was a little girl, my mom told me that I was always late to school. One day she followed me to see why. I was looking at chestnuts falling from the trees rolling on the sidewalk, or.. ants crossing the road, the way a leaf casts a shadow on a tree trunk… little things. I think it’s the same with people. I see in them little details, so specific to each of them, that move me, and that I miss and… will always miss. You can never replace anyone because everyone is made up of such beautiful specific details.” That’s you. Irreplaceable. You can’t be replaced. No one will replace the details. In other words I’m not saying that to be nice – I’m saying that because I feel that deep within me about you, I say. Yeah, I get it now, says Christina. It makes sense. Anyways, it’s one of my favorite movies, I say. The whole trilogy is. I’m a sappy sentimental person full of bathos. I don’t know if you remember that about me. I do, says C. I’m still a heartless cunt though. All my friends are heartless cunts so it’s OK. So I am in good company says C. Yep yep yep, I say. I have enough heart for everybody.

My hands erase erasure and prophecy. My hands prophesy hope of prophecy and I hope in prophecy, and I hope I prophesy creativity. I hope I prophesy create and I create (I create one involves because everyone and the other other other own, so specific school). I hope I prophesy something radically flat and radically open (the god N has opened the god N has wideness). I hope I prophesy something creative anarchic (creative-anarchic Kindred and flat Kindred connects Kindred to Kindred innumerably connected). I hope I prophesy something creative-anarchic, no claims but inclusive orphan widow open window. I prophesy the weed breaking open the concrete and I was looking at the chestnuts falling from the trees, rolling on the sidewalk and sidewalk choirs weed word gospel.

(I do not erase but I draw hands into hands into hands erased various monstrosities and I prophesy myself monstrosities. I do not erase but intensify the details – little details sparking little lights and the lights roll across the sidewalk. I walk on my my hands handstand steady sidewalk talk, and I break through the concrete dandelions germinate Palm Tree Garden. Not erasure but the recognition of hands and details and many details desert lights.)

I prophesy the crashed open Black Iron Prison liberated into and between the Palm Tree Garden. I prophesy liminal and threshold holy life holy death holy brothel holy bridal chamber (Let the prophet speak, says Ann Marie. The prophet is the womb of God where gravity is trans-gravity and land is metal-land. And God is real [Israel] and so are we. The image is literal, the metaphor is boundary. The symbol is alive. The parable tells the truth. And wonder is God [And God; Love], says Ann Marie).

The hands host husks hymn hymn hymn / nonsense reveals divine word Absurd opens into Palm Tree Garden (I never really fully recover from the absurd and I involve absurd obsessed absurd little things Recover Kindred little details detail Christina she holds hands Kindred hands)