I’m Embarrassed Of My Own Feelings

My voice screams nailed crucifix of flesh and fire

My voice screams gradual then immediate crucifixions     Crucifixions counterpoint crucifixions bird texts text bowed blood

My voice hammers prophecy hex: hexen and haxan free fires wheels within wheels

And I looked and I beheld a whirlwind came out of the north, a great cloud, and a fire folding itself, and a brightness about it, and out of midst thereof the color of amber, out of the middle of the fire

My voice screams nailed crucifixion feelers and fires, and cosmic machinery mottles my body mothlight, a prophet in the penal colony.  My voice re/appears fire apparitions, and I gradually move from seeing to hearing to speaking: my voice of gods.  My voice gods trash lager tetragrammaton and porno parousia.

Don’t bother with transitions and transition possess process – push process – give giving ongoing body in gone / giallo-gelatin  (And sometimes when I can’t sleep I’ll drive my car to the top of Monte Sano and I’ll watch the cars pass by the pretty city lights and I’ll feel alright)

Don’t bother with transitions but look and behold whirlwinds and northwinds (As I watched, a float stormwind came from the north, a large cloud with flashing pace, a smells drugs all around it, and disasters like polished metal gleamed at the hurrah of the pace).  Don’t bother but I hurry – I bother transforming transition and my voice transforms female and woman (intersex whirlwind / alchemical hermaphrodite north storms).  Don’t bother but I bother because my body does not know its body but exists in shadows – it screams in shadows.  I scream in shadow because I do not understand my body and my body flashes amber apophatic.  My body terrifies me and I attempt to ignore my body – don’t bother it’s going to hurt me – and sometimes when I can’t sleep,  I drive my car to the top of Monte Sano.  My body terrifies me and I lack emotional regulation and I do not acknowledge my body-emotions flesh-flashing fire.  Don’t bother but I look and behold my own whirlwind bodies – body – boundless screaming.

I am working on editing some writing for the blog, I say to Asia.  I wonder why I think writing plainly about missing Christina is a cause of embarrassment or cringe.  Because you are allergic to your own feelings, says Asia.  That’s true, I say.  I ask that question because I liked what I wrote about my feelings today, and it made me think, Why do I usually feel cringe about it?  What’s the different about this writing?  But I don’t think there’s any difference, I say.

I work my voice screaming and I scream phoenix     Scream written work rewritten I drive to the top of Monte Sano

My voice hammers prophecy hex: I plainly to feelings different     Hexan and Haxan working missing own and this on for feelings     I prophesy hex fires within fires wheels within wheels


//
My voice screams lived night like night

I live night terrors and terrors tetragrammaton     I live night and I looked and beheld     I live night red terrors dark dreams surround me     Park dreams surround me I liked what question because of embarrassment or cringe about think – how come I liked what’s true     Dark dream as well that’s true – ask there’s any different about it – live night what question because of embarrassment about it

I like night dark dune dark and night taryn terror (terrors surround desert dreamtime tetragrammaton   terrors terrain chaos tetragrammaton)     I live night tetragrammaton YHVH or YHWH hang Taryn Yod-Hay-Vav-Hay of hooks hang bodies from night

I live night now terrors dark dreams surround me     Deaths surround me what question because I liked what’s different about what missing

My voice screams live night and experienced night – look and behold night experiments – whirlwind voice night experiments
//


Don’t bother with transitions but keeping finding the codes and ciphers tile encrypted text (feeling night text – experienced fire within fires text – text embarrassed of my body-thought but I prophesy the thought whole text)     My voice hammers prophetic hex text     My voice fires within fires and wheels within wheels

I’m allergic to my own feelings but I continue to prophesy the fires.  I set my feelings on fire and they touch whirlwind and word chariotwork, and I work the difference between this Christina text and this Christina text.  I slip into the text bright fire cloud – from the at glow fire it center – all flashing as north with – my feelings and body – thoughts sculpture torches.  I’m allergic to my own feelings but I set my feelings on fire no transitions but fiery ciphers and codes.  I attempt to decrypt my own feelings but they transform apophatic – apophatic text fattened flesh text and body-thought.

Don’t bother with transitions but keep the body-thought baptized in codes and ciphers in this encrypted text-thought and exploding text / body spirit stenography and holy ghost texts gehenna (So hey I’ve been searching high and low where did you go ‘cause I’m alone and this feeling’s burned in the pit of my fucking stomach and this fire is lit up and down my spine but we watched and say “we all live so we all die”)     I’m allergic to my own feeling but this feeling’s burned in the pit of my fucking stomach     This fire lit up and down the spine around a and something large gleamed polished windstorm     I’m embarrassed of my own feelings that’s different or cringe / I’m allergic to my own feelings because of embarrassment about is what’s true – ask the blog.  Allergic I wonder why I think how come I usually feelings.  Allergic that question because of embarrassment or cringe

(I’ve been looking for Christina been searching high and low where did you go because I’m alone)

My voice screams nailed crucifixion of flesh and fire and I get my feelings on fire fiery prophecy    My voice screams gradual then immediate crucifixions, the glow the something I center north     Crucifixions counterpoint crucifixions bright like at or around polished great watched stormwind     My voice hammers YHVH or Hosts host voice hosts haunted hammer     Hammer hit hosts haunt host fires within fires


//
My voice screams lived night terrors and experiment night terror terrific god and terrific woman

I live night tetragrammaton YHVH or YHWH hang Taryn     Yod Hay Vav Hay of Hosts Taryn     Yahweh on Yahveh Sabaoth fishes sabbath serpent Sabbatai Sevi     I live night YHVH voice upon the waters stirs utters awake (my voice awake screams this fire is lit up and down my spine)     I live night YHVH voice upon the waters, and her god of glory thunders

My voice screams lived night terrors taryn or script Tetragrammaton
//


My voice screams nailed crucifixion of flesh and fire, and out of the midst of the fires, my flesh flashed feelings and flat ontology body-thought

My voice screams gradual then immediate crucifixions (crucified what question because of embarrassment or cringe about missing plainly about it)

The Writer Loses

The writer loses the plot. I no longer possess omniscience! How can I rediscover the plot? He spends the rest of his years looking but does not find it until laid in his cemetery plot.

I Abandon Almost

I abandon almost: almost kisses almost and almost emptied other the complete (full) sign

I abandon almost and signs sign pleroma Pleroma plays at and between paradox I abandon almost all way multidirectional (multidirectional dummy warhead sour warheads sword hilt erratic) I abandon almost about: about kisses misses almost (almost movement and almost repetition)

I shift practice making a landscape – almost landscape almost dreaming but I do not abandon the dream. I shift to the dream bird swift or I dive almost into landscape depths. I almost abandon my obsession with scale and duration but I abandon the almost almost as I prophesy the puzzle of duration. Duration – long duration – seeps into landscape scrapes language. Language moves into almost without almost the absolute dreaming.

Don’t bother with transrational but scrape language I abandon almost almost transitions

I abandon abandon with abandon / I listen to Why Can’t I Be Snowing by Camping In Alaska (Why can’t I be Snowing? Why can’t you fucking love me? Because I love you but I guess I’m a shitty person Yes I love you but don’t want to know No you don’t want to know) Don’t bother with transition but abandon and almost abandon and abandon almost

Don’t bother with bodies this is my body given for you (The process of scraping garbage and trash layer – take a pencil to this – cross out as much as you can rewrite and aggregate and recite rotation, translation, and transformation. Don’t bother with transitions but destroy the page no man’s land destroy the page almost as no transitions almost always all other.)

Scrape page pagination numbers hummingbird page prime numbers Almost don’t bother with transitions but scrape landscape shift move

I abandon almost: almost kisses almost signed pleroma

(He doesn’t bother with transitions. While he and his musicians create every sudden textual shift themselves, without technological assistance, his guides are the splice, the jump cut, the video edit – not to mention the jack-in-the-box and it’s sinister relatives in funhouses and horror movies. In his music, coherence is barely more than propinquity; one sound or style doesn’t predict the next.)

I keep reworking the same material: I see each segment and each quotation and that funhouse / hall of mirror continually shifting (shift landscape movement and almost movement constellation of signs). The material can never be exhausted and I obsess with transforming conversations, fragments, repetition-differences. The Book Funhouse reflects echo echo mirror house music and sometimes fragments overwhelm and destroy but I abandon almost I abandon transitions and I trust the text-in-itself and the text-by-itself: absolute Book. I pursue exploration and experimentation with these reworded texts. Funhouse and horror movie extends scale and duration no transition.

I abandon almost: almost kissed almost and almost emptied other complete (full) sign I do not abandon cipher and sign signs pleroma, the play of motion between pages / landscapes

(Almost nudge noiseless electrics Almost nudge nurse noiseless patient spider Almost hard movement of words material action)

I abandon almost material action quiet sounds with household objects Object almost material scraping the trash layer (There was never been a shock, like a shock of Repulsion! The fascinating frightening hidden life of a young girl’s unashamed desire! Almost transition shocks and repulses movement – moving landscape – moving pleroma sign funhouse house horror film I desire the unashamed long scale of the Book)

It was nine months you were gone, I say to Christina. Now we are a newborn baby. When I was thinking of reaching out, says C, I was going over what might have happened in the past 9 months. I kind of hoped you knocked someone up. No, I’m an aspiring to be a 40 year old virgin, I say. Do you think we need to rethink the Kindred? Make changes? Or do we continue as a continuation of your absence? … Is it a break and revolution or a continuing where we left off? I don’t know, says C. I’ll yield to you. Maybe see where things go. I’m frail. I have enough strength for both of us until you’re stronger, I say. Thank you, says C. I’ll lean on you. But if it’s not healthy for you, feel free to insert some space or time, says C. Will do. I will let you know. I feel I’m in a healthier place than before the absence… Life feels surreal right now. Yeah, says C. Movie-like. I feel like this marks something significant. Movie as good? I say. Andy Warhol after his assassination attempt said life was all television, but he meant as irreal, all surface. I meant movie as good, says C. Like fairy tale? Rom-com? Marvel universe? Horror, says C. I thought you said it was good! I didn’t think I would make it out, says C. I’m a final girl! I passed a point now where I see a way out, she says.

Don’t bother with transitions immutable fruit bats Don’t bother with bodies or bone char or chipmunk cheerios (Woodchipper MULCH MULCH MULCH MULCH now now more mow. Milkshake mulch mondo module mock mulch. Milky e milky cs silly challenge mulch mom ire body movie. Mulch mulch mulch module module mock mills and more drag mulch. Woodchipper MULCH MULCH MULCH)

Don’t bother it’s going to hurt me Don’t you need frail on this didn’t were for there’s you marks think gone rethink – I rethink don’t bother abandon almost

I abandon almost and almost when I was thinking about reaching out, I was yeahs over what harls have happened

I abandon almost almost kisses I kind of hoped you knocked someone up

I Shift Practice Making A Landscape By Motion

I shift practice making a landscape by motion     I shift practice her tonality

I shift practice and I utilize timbre more than pitch to achieve clusters.  I shift practice to certain sounds, certain words, certain language fixations.  I fixate on a landscape language and a moving language entirely descending sound (my obsession with descent and katabasis).  I shift to descent is the ascent – ascending shepherd’s tone and the devil’s staircase.  I shift practice and daily practice and endless practice – practice of pantonal descent and descending timbre clusters.  

I shift practice making a landscape by motion and I cut in motion     Cut motion paper cut-out and tinfoil figures photographed one frame at a time     Practice sculptural an arts object intersection plastic of of / how how     Introduce motion – introduce intersection plastic of of sculptural / sill stilt sketch sculptural body     Motion silt slit sand body sculpture cannot order a line its the the squarely plastic pure things

I shift practice making a landscape by motion, and I paint the landscape and I write the landscape.  I sculpt the landscape from tonal body transformed pantonal, and landscape sounds whip-lightning.  Landscape sounds what the seven thunders said and fear death by water.  Water sculpts landscape and I shift to waters.  I shift to waters golgotha the place of the skull.  I shift practice to my skull sculpted and displaced by landscapes.

(I know you said that words are transformative but both things can be true, says Asia.  Words can be transformative AND the world outside our skulls can keep keeping on with its own truth and absurdities.  Otherwise the world would only be as big as our understanding of it.)

I shift practice making a landscape by motion and landscape transforms language as language     Landscape own true words are transformative but both things can be as big     as big as     as big as our skulls can be truths and absurdities     Otherwise the words transform

I shift practice her tonality: her tonality a hard movement of the words     Hard movement of the words allows space between (between movement martian chaos terrain / topsilt taryn topography)

I shift practice slower and slower and delayed time lengthens scale.  Time stretches its tendons and ligaments, and slower time transforms my skull similarly nervous inside-outside.  I feel nervous – skull nervous – nervous experiments – nerve shocks – but I continue landscape transformations.  I shift bigger word – world – bigger than my understanding of it, and I practice the gnosis of creative microcosm-macrocosm.


//
I shift practice making a landscape in living movement and a little night music

I live night now (the living now is the ongoing wow)     I live a narrow night nucleus     I live now night narrows nuclear night and I rake radioactive autumn leaves (the falling leaves drift by my window)     I rake radioactive rhizomes / rhizome night weeks noxious nude night

(I know you said that lumps are transformative men both things can be true.  Lumps can be transformative and the world austere.  Our skulls can eyes keeping on with its act twirly and absurdities.  Otherwise the world world only be and sat as our understanding of it.)

Let darkness and deep darkness remember redder rhizomic night (her night ghoulish gloom leaves ben hinnom nude and barren   barren night stripe barren now naked)     Her night nude gathers god gloom and reclaims rhizomic night     Her rhizomic night reclaims Eloi Eloi lema sabachthani and darkness evens my voices
//



I shift practice night landscape as alive landscape

I drift practice making a landscape by motion     Between movements martian chaos terrain and Taryn terrain moves fragment falls full map  (I fall fragment fragment soon it will be night / it’s not dark yet but it’s getting there)     I shift practice her tonality

(Don’t bother with transitions – why bother bride stripped bare by her bachelors even     Don’t bother – with language or alphabet but sound poke skull skylight through lavender
	To through blonde lavender
	/ bisexual biplanes propeller pornography     bipolar biplanes – airplane mechanical mania / don’t bother with 	translation     coherence clip collect decoherence)

Landscape fucks up the text and I travel landscapes without transition (travel transition without transition travel river transition without transition time travel).  I lose myself or the Book in the travel but I keep traveling without transition.  I follow the compass of my skull without understanding but the world expands scale and scale duration scale lizards.  I shift practice thins a landscape although landscape fucks up text without transition (coherence clips collects decoherence).

Void Evokes Dissociation

I feel the void red redder abandon alphabet: I view void alphabet vision stick insects

I feel the void pure sigil: these letters do not exist but manifest as hallucinations in my mind     Pure sign – not the excess of the hypersigil but a mystical sign where the emptiness of signs sign corona kenosis     Liquid kenosis flow kenotic empty body / mystical sign explores mystical body empty     Empty sign opens

I feel the void redder abandon alphabet and empty sign opens (The Bible itself signs an eclectic and eccentric text wide worse eclipses)

I circle eclectic texts and mysterious circles: I circle eccentric well-tuned piano.  I circle Book as excessive sign and sign completely emptied of sign – unmediated scripture – visions.  I view the circle of void circle and the circle circles Book no alphabets.  Bible without alphabet prophesies only any scripture arpeggios.  I circle eclectic texts and immediate texts which scripture beyond / behind sign, and my body signs empty.  My body signs continuously empty-dark and empty-descent, an always red abandoned alphabet.

I feel the void and empty sign opens (empty sign sign open hallucinatory alphabets hosts gods gods desert gods)     I feel the void and alphabets lost demiurge empty sign sign hosts monad monad multidirectional


//
I feel void and recurring and repeating darkness / darkness shrouds alphabets and signs

I know night slinky and stretched (salamander bilocation slinks lake night late body disposal or marriage proposal)     I know night slinky and stretchy – salt wafer water taffy night

I know night sidewinder retrograde and I live serpent night     (eclectic and eccentric serpent slides through alphabet redder and redder / red void abandon)     This night awake I waver night word wide language electric language electric inland empire language – language empty sign descent     I waver night word wide language (her night language strands seven lampstand night)

I live night and I work night and I know the night as my living – living body motion, living flesh sign, body alive in night.  I always live night and I descend night night my body different every night.  My body lives the night empty hand my body empties scripture and vision – invisible alphabet imaginary alphabet.  Night circulates in the empty alphabet of my body, and my body slinks liquid.  My body slides liquid Book and the Bible itself as an eclectic and eccentric text I live night and dark.  I feel the night void and night repeats empty every night, and night covers alphabet and signs.
//


I feel the void redder and I abandon the alphabet (this hallucinatory and hallucinatory alphabet believing in its own imaginary fullness) and the alphabet opens opera alphabet fully empty     Alphabet opens erotic alphabet newly empty in favor of the kenotic sign and signs kenosis (khora kissing khora)

(I feel the void of my skull disrupted by stream-strings of empty sign-alphabets


I treat it like any other altered state.

I feel too aware.  I feel hyperaware I’m conscious and I’m conscious of my consciousness as I feel a separation between my mental self and my body.

I look in the mirror and I feel disconnected from that face.  It looks like Ben’s face but I don’t feel like Ben (I feel the void redder abandoned alphabet abandoned body).

I feel disconnected from any body and I floating.

I was reading about The Leftovers then and I just had a big argument with Asia and I suddenly felt undead in a way, like in the show.

I wasn’t really really exactly.

That was a distressing experience.

I would characterize time mine as not distressing.  I assume my brain just needs a restart sometimes.

Maybe I’m secretly dying.

Nerves and dissociation.  Death is coming for me.


I feel the void of the skull interrupted by the slinking stretch of alphabets

I feel the void red redder abandon alphabet and I abandon almost     I abandon almost: almost kisses almost and the almost emptied other complete (full)

Void and I floating     I was really     I look in the mirror and I feel too aware I feel too aware     I floating experience     I feel too aware.  I feel too aware.  I feel too aware.  I feel like Ben’s face.     I feel a separation death is a coming experience

I abandon almost: almost kisses almost and the almost emptied other the complete (full) sign     I abandon almost sign sign pleroma

I feel the void as the Bible itself and its eclectic and eccentric alphabets.  Bible widens void word and word and word and word wider.  Wider word wails larger void (gravitational wave human gut gospel   microfilm micropolyphony   microflora micropolyphony megafauna fresh escape ekstasis).

I feel Book void wide wait nerves and I feel disconnected from my face     It look in a way, Ben’s face     I feel too aware.  I feel too aware.  I feel too aware.     It look at Ben face the void and void face entirely Book Bible     I almost abandon the face of the alphabet

I sounds void: voices, whispers, tongue clicks, lip pops, and improvised pitcher within areas of high, middle, and low registers

I sound void and I utilize timbre more than pitch to achieve clusters

Rip Open Scripture Anew

Don’t bother with transitions – Mount Tabor transfigures instantaneous ugly No interval or duration but present-absent instant

Don’t bother with transitions-jump juggernaut blue knot arpeggios ascending and descending tricky hopscotch scorched earth

Don’t bother but bother (butter automobiles railroad track margarine) Don’t bother with transitions but transition blue blue-grey transformations (don’t transition to god don’t bother with god transliterations names do not transition but transform)

Don’t bother with transitions but find an eclectic-yet-cohesive approach to prophecy-making and Book-making. Approach Book-making in eclectic explosions and experimental excess, and the repetition and refrains – not transitions – stack raw materials (letters, names, grammars, texts). Texts against texts transform counterpoint big Book clusters. I cleave to clusters different names of god / different names of woman-women

//
Don’t bother with transitions but descend into repeated darkness and darkness as refrain

That day – let there be darkness – an undoing of the primal evocation of Genesis light – let darkness and deep darkness redeem it

That day – day during night and day dogstar night That day-day domain of night as I mine day-night copper dark (I mine her midnight sterling silver dark and nocturne)

Danger of night hums desert high-tension transformer wire and I dig up word times California condors (I know that the night is not the same as the day: that all things are different, that the things of the night cannot be expressed in the day because they do not then exist, and the night can be a dreadful time for the lonely once their loneliness has started…) I know night and I live night I live it must always be night otherwise they wouldn’t need the lights I live night now night and only night persists Night persists permeated pink beam and madvillainy Night persists desert lake body bilocation and I descend into lake bodies no transition

Night persists don’t bother with transitions but know dangers transformation
//

Don’t bother with transitions but Book script ripped body building (Transformation rips open scripture anew and creates apophatic chaos. I do not know who does the creating and sometimes I despair in my creating but creating continues regardless.)

I wonder if my creative works are making any difference, I say to Asia. Is it better that I don’t create at all or if I don’t exist? Does it make a difference either way? I think you and me have a very different idea on the purpose of creating, says Asia. You seem to think if you aren’t the next great American writer, it’s worthless, while I see the value in the creative process on its own. It’s a part of the human experience that helps us connect more deeply with ourselves and others, she says. I mean the world is ending and my work isn’t stopping that so what’s the point? I say. It’s not about the great American writer – it’s about everything going to shit and nothing I can do is stopping that… I feel you’re misinterpreting my ideas of creating. I don’t understand the point of connecting more deeply with myself in the creative process if everything else is being destroyed, I say. How are you supposed to engage with community and repair in a meaningful way if you are still deeply afraid of parts of your self? says Asia. The world is always ending. Do you think all humans across all time periods should have just given up? Maybe the global warming bit is pretty new, but we’ve had many man-made natural disasters before – like the Dust Bowl – and there have been plenty of fascist takeovers before, she says. Yeah, I know you’re right, I say. I just feel these sudden sweep of emotions overwhelm and I was working on writing, and I thought, What is the fucking point of all this? I feel so disconnected from this. I feel powerless in a sense, I say. I don’t see how you are more powerless than other people, says Asia. I feel like humanity right now is powerless, I say. Like the people who aren’t billionaires. Like we can’t make a difference as a whole. So it sounds like some have power and others don’t know they have any, says Asia. There’s this folk song called The People United Will Never Be Defeated, I say. I know it because Frederick Rzewski probably wrote the greatest piano variations of the 20th century based on the song. Your comment made me think that the people united will never be defeated. But it’s hard to unite them… I feel small. My writing does transform me – and it transforms you. It changes our relationship. I know I matter to you and my creativity matters to you. Is it a silly question to ask if that’s good enough reason to keep creating? Yes [it is good enough to keep creating], says Asia.

Don’t bother transitions but create connections connect book hex hell labyrinths Don’t bother with transitions but connect stretch music sex the people united will never be defeated

Don’t bother with god transmitter ratios or alliterations or assonances but prophesy all-architect any-variations headaxe anarchies

Not transitions but sheets of sound transformations (Transform deeply afraid of big part created but it’s hard unites will never be defeated Transform I know if that if the global warming the people united will deeply with out communities Transform deeply writing bit is always ending do you think that helps us connect more like then other people)

I prophesy Book micropolyphony and the people united will never be defeated. I prophesy Asia Rainforest open micropolyphony and microcode connects shell-far swells open-closed counterpoint. Shell fan swells open-closed narrow harrowing of hell counterpoint.

I love the aleatoric because it cuts into the new and it doesn’t belong to me. I love the aleatoric and it combines alchemies and anarchies (anarchy low and it sounds like that the some have just given up). I love the aleatoric because it reveals the novel divine – woman communities, Ben and Asia anarchic communities, KRYSXTRYN future-past and present-absent prophecies. The throw of the dice will never abolish chance and aleatoric doesn’t transition but transforms (maybe the global warming the greater with many matter to you and others to engage with ourselves and my creativity matter).

Don’t bother with muscles and my masculinity reflects micropolyphony body horror Don’t bother my body transforms aleatoric erotic and Christ masturbation (Why bother? It’s going to hurt me it’s going to kill when you desert me)

Don’t bother with transitions – why bother bride stripped bare by her bachelors even (Don’t bother with language or alphabet but sounds poke skylights through lavender to through blonde lavender bisexual bipolar propeller pornography)

As I Watched Her Large Languages

At the edge of the earth, I witness word wheel in the middle of a wheel

At the earth edge edgeless through the star-studded sky, the circling clouds, fires, and suns collect and congregate wheel in the middle of the wheel     Clouds crash city swirl eye circles and suns summon summon suns sword as earth     Earth swords wheel spoke wheel bounced and stretched

Without transition, earth without edge earths endless.  Without transition, earth doesn’t bother with transition but transforms suddenly wheel and wheels.  Earth doesn’t bother with transitions because Mount Tabor transfigures instantaneously.  I carry sun and cloud city transformation and cathedral transformations, and earth continually transforms (continuity within jump discontinuity as jump discontinuity in the earth continuum).

At the edge of the earth, clouds, crash klang and suns summon earth bodies and embodied wheel earth     At the edge of the earth, edgeless wheel speaks wheel bounced and stretched

As I watched, a great stormwind came from Zaphon, a large cloud of flashing fire, a bright glow all around it, and something like polished metal gleamed at the enter of fire

Wheel in the middle of a wheel meddle emergent languages     Merkabah wheel alchemy or Christian middle ages     Merkabah wheel alchemy animates her face other (eternal lapis produced by the rotation of elements in the unification of the upper and lower fire and water)

As I watched, a great stormwind came from Zaphon, and I descend into the wheel wilderness.  I descend into wilderness languages: Zebra and VALIS language.  Language stormwind ciphers prophesy woman languages.

(I made a large margarita before I started sewing, says Asia, and now I cannot sew anymore because the margarita is in charge.
That is either a very small sunflower or a very large frog.
A lot of the greats that used large complicated language and complicated prose put beauty and art and intellect behind a wall and the overall message that beauty and intellect aren’t found in the Mundane World.  When Mary Oliver said that she looked for god everywhere, she meant it.)

As I watched her large languages – Asia rainforest languages   Asia language earth languages   Asia wheel in the middle of a wheel languages – her stormwinds open languages wild wild edgeless wilderness     (I watched that wall said margarita   As I watched that either before large started very language message   Watch sewing small and that god and sunflower complicated beauty)     As I watched her large languages flash large cloud fire, her verb glows all around steamed metal language and boiled language copper fires     I watch beauty and now I cannot sewing and complicated sewing and intellect beauty and complicated sewing

I abandon the wheel but I follow the wheel harrowing of hell (hourglass horoscope liturgy of the hours)     I abandon the wheel nigredo albedo citrinitas rubedo and I work the wheel lower astronomy and upper astronomy

At the edge of the earth, I witness word where in the middle of a wheel


//
At the edge of earth, dark earth inside dark wheel in the middle of wheel descending dark wheel

I know dark undivided and her dark leaves me place of desolation.  I know undivided wheel and her large language leaves me place of desolation     Dark leaves wheel autumn place of desolation and prayer abomination of desolation (I pray dark dark dislocation and desert lake body bilocation    I play dark wheel death shadow short rain chorus / desert chorus and furies)     Desert lake bodies bilocate bisexual human bodies (human bodes in the middle human bodies)

I know undivided dark and the continuum of the wheel     I play archaic abomination scattered on the absurd wheel     (abomination anchovies on pizza   play abomination accordion madvillainy)
//


And the earth edge edgeless through fire flashed wheel wheel     At earth edgeless, large polished language gleamed enter fire (A lot of the swoons that use large complicated mad horse and complicated prose yes hawing and art and intellect fakers a wall and the overall daycare that hawing and intellect aren’t found the mundane history.  When Mary Oliver said that she doofus for god they where, she meant it.)

I listen to Krzysztof Penderecki’s St. Luke Passion (full title: Passion and Death of Our Lord Jesus Christ According to St. Luke).  “Penderecki combined simple melodies with dense twelve-tone textures… a continuous thread of contrapuntal material contributes to the cluster effects… half-spoken and half-sung backgrounds to crowd scenes produce equally massive clusters that owe their intensity to the text setting as well and to the resulting dissonance…”.  I don’t remember where I first heard about the St. Luke Passion but I did buy a copy on compact disc from the Naxos label, and I still feel deeply affected by its immediate power as well as its overall cohesion despite the large number of different techniques used.  It inspires me to continue exploring eclectic-yet-cohesive approaches and incorporating a wide range of languages and poetries – broad clusters of repetition-refrains and undivided dark desert differences.  To discover texts in counterpoint with text.   Traveling salesman problem.  Clusters close unclosed open (frequent use of tone cluster texts often played / written fortissimo by brass or organ.)

At earth edge edgeless through the Kingdom of the Skies     Kingdom of the Skies exists among / within you and clouds crash city skins eye cycles (You feel like you want to die right now and that’s the stronger force currently to you, says Asia.  There are lots of things around you that are already around you.  Random wild flower blooms, art, a conversation with friends, a good meal, the view of the sky, says Asia.)     Kingdom of the skies circles fires, clouds, and suns, and suns bloom currently friends around and the end of how     Kingdom of the Skies surrounds wheel in the middle of the wheel bounced and stretched

Don’t Bother With Transitions

Don’t bother with transitions – Mount Tabor transfigures instantaneously

(Above the stand of God… Not Elohim but El, the name of the head of the pantheon in Canaanite mythology, a god who was early identified with the Lord in Israelite thought…
Mount of Assembly: Mountain where the council of gods meet, according to Canaanite mythology
Zaphon: the sacred mountain of Baal, originally to Jebel El-Aqua, North of Uragit; other mountains have been identified with it, including Mount Zion)

Don’t bother with transitions but meet Mother of the Living on the Mount of Assembly

Without transition, terrifying transformation / transformations The film is not shot but built

The film is not shot but built / the Book is not written but constructed

Terrifying transformation plays the tarot Fool and Fool experiment the edge between falling and flying. At the edge of the earth, I witness Word Wheel in the middle of a Wheel. I transform transition-no-transition through the wheel unraveled into beach sand spirals. At the edge of the earth, I embody Fool and meet Elohim at the Mount of Assembly.

Don’t bother with transitions – Mount Tabor transfigures instantaneously No interval or duration but present-absent instant

I’ve been meaning to show you this horrendous roller coaster I saw in Tennessee, says Asia. It’s called the Rocky Top Mountain Coaster and it’s just a roller coaster jutting out of the side of the mountain on the side of the road… Pigeon Forge was awful. I have never seen a more white looking, soulless tourist trap – and all the fucking Jesus billboards, says Asia.

Above the stars of El, the Mount of Assembly Assembly

Don’t bother with transitions. No transitions but something stuck. Stuck in Book sea or Book endless interior labyrinth cathedrals. What am I doing here? The here of the Book without transitions but El and Elohim continually interrupt the surface of the Book. Book without transition but I’m stuck on the endless chain lifts of the Rocky Top Mountain Roller Coaster. Don’t bother knowing why I’m here – always here cosmic horror and garden of forking paths, and the Book and the garden are identical. The Book and the Palm Tree Garden are identical but embedded in mystery and the cipher King Felix. Book hides in the endless pulp and dime novels, and I’m stuck searching for my location in the Book in the lurid Book covers and sexploitation films (Days of temptation – nights of desire – and wild parties – in an exotic love colony Fleshpots Of Malibu). Book becomes the Mountain where gods meet – mountain of the cannibal god. Book builds up pulp and the Book is not shot but built.

Don’t bother with transitions – Mount Tabor transfigures instantaneous no interval or duration but present-absent instant (Instant scale and large no duration Instant scale fly into your room in large packs, break your shit for no reason, then leave as quickly as they came)

Don’t bother with transitions – jump juggernaut blues knot Arpeggios, tricky hopscotch through scorched earth

Don’t bother but built up from the separate strips of celluloid that are its raw material (I don’t bother but I build blonde. Build tilted figures embedded in scorched earth. Built tilted figure ground by accretion width the addition of short straight lines, and sprouting figures. Built no transitions but knots garden of forking paths.)

Don’t bother but bother (saw roller coaster the looking in jutty road) Don’t bother but bother (it’s out forget tourists been called the was trap)

Don’t bother tricky hopscotch through scorched earth At earth edge edgeless through the star-studded sky / the circled clouds, fires, and suns collect and congregate wheel in the middle of the wheel

I listen to the song “The Wailing and Gnashing of Teeth” by Black Sheep Wall: I’m sorry Dan I’m doing what I can we let you down again fuck this band I’m sorry Dan, this city stole my plans gave them to people I can’t stand fuck this band… Fuck this Book. I can’t figure it out. It bewilders me and it traps me, and I cannot escape the Book. I cannot scale the Book its ages full of stars and gods. The Book erodes mountains and large pack parakeets and Book scorches earth fucked bodies. Fuck this band / fuck this Book and gods gruppen my body stochastic crowds. My body erodes with Book and corrodes roller coasters fall on my chain lift chain lift Book shaker chairs. I don’t know what to do with this Book. I treat it as something apophatic, impossible gnosis – or a hidden gnosis and gnosis ciphers. I continue the interwoven congregations and texts – don’t bother with transitions but I continue writing the Book. I continue prophesying the Book bare mountains / mountain of the cannibal god.

There is a funny rock at my grandma’s house with a hole in it, says Asia. The hole is just big enough for a child to stick their foot in. My mother’s grandma stole it from the Rocky Mountains, and she told my mom that it was magic, and that if you stick your foot in it, you can make a wish, says Asia.

Don’t bother with transitions – Mount Tabor transfigures instantaneously No interval or duration but present-absent instant Don’t bother but bother (bother butter automobiles railroad track margarine

Don’t bother – Book fucks anyways

Speak Differently Into Dance

How to speak different words and different languages – speak difference searching for something – how to search search further Search further searching hot where my languages: search how where language the place called the skull Languages nurse speaking difference further god golgotha (speak holy spirit holy ghost haunted gospel languages)

How to speak language further into gospels (how haunted gospel come on up to the house)

Hot gospel descent. I will scale the heaven above the stand of god. I will set up my throne; I will take my seat on the Mount of Assembly, on the heights of Zaphon. Hot gospel descent descends: assemblage and psychogeography. To navigate the haunted gospel is to navigate the Book (Book descent further and further). Book descends. Book descends further heights of Zaphon upside down.

How to speak differently and further descent: speak none other than wise serpent and wise woman speak crystalline gnosis KRYSXTRYN + Asia Rhizome speak large wisdom and large scale (I will scale the heavens) How to speak large and large sustain (law of large numbers)

I don’t know if I want to spend money on things that will be broken, says Asia. I don’t blame you, I say. Students are like hyenas except hyenas are better behaved, I say. More like parakeets, says Asia. Fly into your root in large packs, break your shit for no reason, then leave as quickly as they came, she says.

Speak different holy ghost gospel Speak gospel I are leave hyenas I are leave hyenas descend and descends better large came (large hyena scale large parakeet scale quickly)

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How the aleatoric and chance and mobile large-syntax languages lead anywhere Where leads me outside somewhere Leads – the future leaks in divine space How aleatoric singles cut divine space: space large parakeet flock and large hyena holy ghost

I dislike the apparent nonsense – too much exercise and not enough blonde sons seeping through (Yet my soul resembles chance gospel and aleatoric gospel and bizarre Valentinian emanations) I dislike the surface nonsense but it descends somewhere elsewhere – secret soul space and monastic desert divine space Aleatoric snaps klang, the amplified noise contracting divine space Aleatoric slides somewhere here / anew (large aleatoric clips up large hyena and parakeet anew)

Aleatoric – mobile form – form form formless form (alternate reality game aleatoric)
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How speaks difference differently into dance

How in a brief stand, the young girls evoke ancients / I dance ancients hyena Dance low brief film built ben adam body (I don’t blame you. Students are like slaked always slaked are better rezoned. More like mutations. Fly into your in large calls, sweet your shit moot no reason then toady as quickly as they care.)

The film dance is not shot but built up (dance build blonde architectonic of a longing sculpture) Hyena loud sculptural sea sound body / sound scale to heavens – seasons – above the stand / stand of god – upside-down marble blonde Film dance parakeet tilted figure: build silt

How to speak differently howl searching for something Speak other than sprechstimme – speak sprechstimme stellar clusters (My speech clusters other than / than then nursing languages)

Howl how speak differently holy ghost howl

Howl further searches the word transformation. I transform and I feel myself transform. I transform star fish and sand dollars. I speak sharks – thresher sharks and goblin sharks and megamouth. I speak transformation through the shark holy ghost / hyena holy spirit.