I made all the wrong mistakes / I enjoy the experimental part of it, working with materials
I made: I made Christina ray skin or Christina shark fin (Tiger Shark, glass, steel, 5% formaldehyde solution)
I made and make eye organ autumn oculus eye skylight Eye skylight skyquake queer indeterminate (I make and I always attempt to make anew. I make and remake anew with all the wrong mistakes. Remake anew first making and first awakening. Attempt to make and attempt to make again – I make all the wrong mistakes and all the right mistakes. Eye renews its gaze on materials and Christina dematerialized. Christina wanders and the materials meander vanishing point / buries me in the vanishing. I make anew with the wrong mistakes.) I make eye skylight skyquake queer fun from rear / rear entrance neon
I made the wrong mistakes with Christina I made Christina strange strays shark or sting ray (rayon rhizome and shark skin) For a time, she worked at a clothing shop in Bond Street, where she recalled undressing Vivian Leigh (I made all the wrong mistakes with Christina) I made all the wrong wrong turn no your turn Christina drinking margaritas at the mall Christina drinks dead mall local maximum and these walls almost imperceptibly shift left or right or at the same time (her maximal ghosts shark gills weird rest night trains) Night trains cram Christina cable car stream sardines
OK, do you think all other creative people have the power of God when they create? says Asia. No, I don’t think so, I say. But perhaps everyone has to find their own source of meaning… I feel reluctant to fully commit to you and Christina [and others] as my source of meaning. Meaning is communicative, says Asia. It’s between both you and the people who read your work. It has nothing to do with god. We have been making art since before god existed. It has everything to do with being human and experiencing life as human. I’m not your source of meaning and neither is Christina. Your humanity, your experiences and your connections to others is your source of meaning, says Asia. What role do you feel you play in the Book then? I say. By connection to others I also meant relationship to others, says Asia. I phrased it that way because it seems like you always seem to leave yourself out of the equation. You play a role in this too – you aren’t passive. You can’t be passive – you are the creator. In order to create, you have to go out and experience life, have good times, make mistakes, digest it all and recreate it. […] Even the way you have written god before was you digesting your experiences with the church and how it shaped you for good and bad. It was the human in your experiencing and digesting it. It was the human in you that your readers saw and connected with, says Asia.
I make all the wrong mistakes / I enjoy the experimental part of working with materials
I work with the materials – I work with her materials and materials Son of Man prophesy Human One I work with her materials (It’s the fur fair farl and the people who hag your work, yanking you up by the lip. It has everything to do with the beach human and experiencing your life Son of Man prophesy. Son of Man prophesy: O Sword, Sword drawn for slaughter, burned to consume, to flash lightning. Son of Man, prophesy your humanity, your experiences, and your connections.)
I make all the wrong mistakes and in order to breeze your cover to go out and experience life, come good love, make cedrates, makers all the perceive it
I enjoy working with the materials I experiment indeterminate eye indigo indeterminate eye iridium aggregate aggregate aggregate accretion collection I work with the materials how it shaped you for good and bad and it is not the human in you experiencing (Tiger Shark, glass, steel, 5% formaldehyde material) Its image and imago decays and image always decays. Image always decays, the Christina new that drags present-absent void ash hyperpresent-hyperabsent void, and a void of voids ampersands and ampersands and is
I collect material metal waterfalls I collect pulp and trash layer and my body vulgar vision and I make the mistakes with my body I collect Christina vagina vision holy holy holy and her cunt calls: Son of Man, prophesy – a sword, a sword has been sharpened, a sword a sword has been burnished
//
I collect Christina’s vagina vision holy holy holy / I collect Christina cunt canticles
Christina’s vagina vanishes long latitudes and longitudes
Christina’s vagina melts pornographic negatives and darkroom rudders rib cage fires
Christina, a voluptuous vixen, uses her talking vagina to seduce vagabonds and perform ribald ventriloquism in vaudeville
I look at Christina’s vagina through a 3D viewfinder (The shameless story of Marcia Webster whose desperate loneliness led her beyond the bounds of permissible love… She Who Strays Could she confine her love-making to men only?)
A portrait of Christina appears on a three dollar bill. I keep a picture of Christina in the glove box in preparation for the pillbox apocalypse. Christina’s ghost commands me: Son of Man, take a clay tablet, place it front of you, and draw on it the city of Jerusalem.
Christina’s cunt converges (all converges sequences of converging sequences subsequences subsequently converge to the convergent of another convergent subsequence) (All cunts converge to Christina’s cunt)
I collect Christina’s visions holy material / I collect Christina materials materialized cunt
//
I made all the wrong mistakes / I enjoy the experimental part of it, working with materials Material it’s between both you always seems like your work Material it was you aren’t passive your source of the people who readers is you always seem like you always seems like you and experiences with the equation to leave
Always meaning play of life is mistakes
I make all the wrong mistakes materials experience make mistakes I make all the wrong materials and I collect material matrix marked teeth and bone
I make all the wrong mistakes and I work the mistakes materialized material (Charlie Brown: Why can’t we get all the people together in the world that we really like, and then just stay together forever. Someone would leave. Someone always leaves. And then we have to say goodbye. I hate goodbyes… You said it Charlie Brown: someone always leaves. My life contains many ghost sand phantoms who were here and left – Meghan, Danielle, Taylor, many from college classes I had lunch with and texted and befriended, and I don’t remember their names – but I don’t think I’m unusual in that regard / I don’t think museums in that regard. Others have had many acquaintances and friends come and go, and I’m almost surely someone’s come-and-go. I do wish like Charlie Brown that all my favorite people were in the same room and hanging out together. If heaven exists, it’s both simultaneously an infinite library and a library where all my favorite people are and we hang out and read and chat and play Smash Brothers Melee.)
I make all the wrong mistakes / I enjoy the experimental part of it, working with materials I work materials Christina and Christina and I digest Christina materials and recreate Christina I go out and I experience Christina and Kindred, make mistakes, and I digest Kindred and recreate Christina I digest Christina prophecy and Son of Man, feed your stomach and fill your belly with this scroll I am giving you, and I eat it, and it was sweet as honey in my mouth
I experiment materials and in my experiencing and digesting, I reveal my human I reveal my Human One and Son of Man, and Son of Man, do not fear, even though briars and thorns are all around you, and you sit among scorpions
I make all the wrong mistakes and I collect material matrix gospel of mark I prophesy gospel of mark beetle billow body mast mechanics
Extraordinary Eye Dissects My Skull
Extraordinary eye dissects my skull in desert partitions
Extraordinary eye interrupts eye impossible bodies (The body of Christ is a body of letters. The body of Christ embodies the letters three spiral jetty drawings. The body of Christ contorts earthwork letters crucified.)
Extraordinary eye dissects my skull in desert partitions compartment cranium department store mass machine skulls (a bit of love for the blood of god) Extraordinary eye dissolves my skull and my skull doesn’t exist desert not exist mall spread balls not exist ingots wounds dehiscence (Kari does not exist: Taryn does not exist. I write Kari because Kari looks good on the page. The name Kari Kari spells pretty – a pretty name to write. I write a lot of someone’s corpse candle, woman not quite absences.)
//
Christina not quite absence gates into my skull dissecting eyes – Christina not quite absent clips into my skull walls queer desert
Strange Christina stays stingray rayon (rayon rhizome and sharkskin you know) Christina strays strange gaze / for a time, she worked at a clothing shop in Bond street, where she recalled undressing Vivian Leigh Christina gazes hacksaw skull celluloid offgassing / Christina gazes stall height drinking margaritas at the mall and our wall mirrors dead mall local maximum
Extraordinary eye dissects my skull local maximum (her maximum ghosts gall stones phantom lasts weird west steam locomotives) Steam locomotives launch Spear of Longinus blood from Christina’s vagina
//
Extraordinary eye ejects vitreous fluid and black pus immediate excrement Extraordinary ejects void and concentrated almost waxen absences (Kari does not exist: Taryn does not exist. I write Taryn because Taryn looks good on the page. The name Taryn summons earth and water goat gods and her primeval ocean mixes earths and waters. Her waters baptize and almost drown me in near absences.)
(Kari not quite absence Taryn not quite present) She begins by becoming She begins by coming back (but the cat came back the very next day) She begins by becoming back becoming (Stephen King’s Sometimes They Come Back… Sometimes They Come Back Again)
//
Christina returns in absence and she always returns in absences
Email to Christina. June 1, 10 years ago at 9:10 PM
I thought about these questions in the aftermath of the Santa Cruz Event. So I originally wrote these questions in mind – it was indeed a state of existential crisis. However, I think it's partially resolved (maybe?). I haven't really decided yet. Why are the questions important for me to share with you though? Because You have known me longer than most people and we have a friendship that has endured and probably will endure far into the future. I think you trust my opinions and take them very carefully into consideration; I do the same for you. I still consider you a prophetess even if you do not. That's why I ask you.
[...]
I told you I was hoping for some correlation / complementary with Taryn's answers. Taryn is difficult with answers – not because she doesn't answer – but because she can't explain why she thinks what she does. I can answer, do you think this or that? And she can state what she thinks, but has difficulty expressing why or how. That's another reason I ask you. Your answers don't have to correlate with hers at all though. I will tell you what her answers though: She thinks I'm a prophet and a Shaman, and the both are interrelated – she thinks nursing is necessary to me being a prophet, and she also thinks the Book is part of my prophesy. She thinks the prophet role is related to / from God. Feel free to disagree / agree/ elaborate / etc.
1. Am I a prophet? You are free to use your own definition. Taryn thinks of it in a traditional from-God sense. You have told me before you think of me as a prophet in a humanistic sense (In the same way science fiction writers would be considered prophets? Or maybe inventors before their time? You never elaborated exactly – if you still think so, it may be worth elaborating on the exact nature of this humanistic prophecy).
2. Am I a Shaman? For Taryn, Shaman = Prophet = Nurse. Not all nurses, or even most are Shamans or prophets though. She doesn't consider herself either for example. Terrence McKenna said a Shaman was a scientist / healer / artist all in one. I think of Shaman as mediator, psychopomp, healer – I also think there were modern day shamans, ones most people don't consider like Carl Jung (who had his own journey to the underworld) and Philip K. Dick (who had a similar experience).
3. Was I "meant" to be a nurse? Taryn says yes. She states I'm meant to be a healer and it's all interconnected with shaman/healer/prophet.
4. What are your current perspectives on the Kindred? This is only between me and you of course. I will say of course I fully believe in the Kindred still – and I think you do too – but the question is more like, what is the nature of the Kindred? I'm not really sure the answer to that – I think my relationship with Krystal and Taryn are more well-defined, oddly enough. Kindred is this mysterious, ambiguous, mystical. It cannot be easily explained in words. I think it HAS to be mysterious. How did we survive? it's something stronger than us, beyond us, more powerful than us – us together is more powerful than us apart. Something like that.
5. Where does the Book fit into all of this? For Taryn, Book integrates and is a direct source of prophecy in some sense. What do you think of the Book? You have thought of it in the past as revolutionary (I think?), Waste Land level, art, etc. Wondering what you still think of it.
I hope that's enough explanation. I guess maybe you're intimidated by giving answers to such big questions? Don't be. Answer them in the most mundane way if you want. The local is universal, as William Carlos Williams said. You can say I was meant to be a nurse because I have nursed you and Fox in the past and that is what's important. So make it personal and local if you need to. It's not "large" stuff – it's between us, single lives and how we affect each other on a personal level. Does that help? I hope it does.
Christina’s response the next day:
1. I maintain that you're a prophet (AT LEAST) from the humanistic sense. That doesn't have anything to do with science fiction. It's more like being an empath for people, the future, events. You're more in-tuned. Maybe that means God is speaking through you? Maybe (to me, more likely) it means the universe likes to speak through you. You make a good conduit. Have you seen the pictures where ice particles form in different structures based on different music being played? The universe is elegant, even without religion, and I am confident that you are a prophet of that elegant universe.
2. Shaman is a good descriptor because I think of it as a type of prophet. I don't know if that's accurate, but that's what I'm thinking. You heal with the whole of the universe coursing through you. You're in the right place at the right time, quite often, to be an instrument of the universe for healing or laughter or knowledge.
3. I agree 100% with T. It's all related, and the physical healing is just one (but one VERY IMPORTANT) aspect of your prophesying.
4. The Kindred is roots. Think about how roots influence the tree. Our roots are special (even for roots). They bound us together. They kept us in each other's lives, and we needed that. Our past influences our actions every day (I believe). And so we feel that past energy from the roots every day to prophesy. Does that make sense? And we have seasons. Sometimes we have a Kindred winter. Maybe like the past few weeks? When there's not enough nutrients for both of us to blossom. So we go dormant. But we don't die. It's just a winter. The ice melts, and our strong roots keep us healthy. What do you think about that?
5. The Book is the record. I don't know if it's offensive to compare it to the Bible, but it lives that way. It prescribes, and it proves, and it is a record of many facts. But more important than all of that it inspires people to live their lives in a certain way daily. The Book will do that, I think. Even more than the Waste Land, your prophecy will encourage (I'd say closer to the Bible than the Waste Land).
Christina returns in absence and she always return in absence Christina returns to void does the prophet (AT LEAST) from think of many facts Christina returns you’re in-tuned and it’s more in-tuned
//
Extraordinary dissects my skull in desert partitions partitions I don’t have an is speaking partitions you’re it as a good conduit partitions it’s just one but that may
Extraordinary eye ejects vitreous fluid and black pus immediate excrement Accumulate immediate excrement extraordinary eye ostrich (This extraordinary eye lets light through the bong roof of my head / I have an eye just for the sun)
Eye ejects the shit-smeared and obscene anuses of certain apes Eye ejects ape anarchic archipelago / arche-grammar solar anus (See: A nice young man “transmutated” into an ugly beast See: An eye popped out of its socket in stomach-churning detail See: Silly fake scars and a monster with false teeth that won’t stay in Night Of The Bloody Apes)
Extraordinary eye ejects I maintain the right played
Christina Counts To Ten
My eye intensifies My eye intensifies intersections / eye and eye amplifies erotic
The pineal eye emits inlet rays solar anus Solar anus ant hill ammo an eye interested in the erotic body / bathroom stall nudie cuties The eye at the summit of my skull wretches wrenches erupting volcano (volcanic vision with a shady and comical character associated with the nocturnal anus and its excretion)
My eye intensifies erotic robotics (The Lady From L.U.S.T. #9 The Poisoned Pussy. Sock it to me says Eve Drum… which is what they’re all dying to try – and die trying)
Eye and eye amplifies erotic hyperglyph (Hippie Sex Command. An eye opening case history of Hippie Sex Communes and communal ways of loving between pot… pills… and perversions)
The pineal eye perverts: the pineal eye emits perversion. My eye emanates the nocturnal anus and night orifices (My eye swallows night and my mouth chirps locust swarms. My eye socket devours night wider and wider orbits, and my mouth mixes mouth wide gulf gravity. My eye surf pooling gravity and pineal eye perverts night.) The pineal eye emits perversion and Book perverts theme and variations
Nocturnal anus excretes night (Experiment excrement. You are excrement: you can transform yourself into gold.)
Experiment excrement: I experiment eye isolates I experiment uncontained dazzling sun
Experiment excrement: uncontained dazzling sun (sun razzle dazzle he’s on fire) The summer of my skull captures necessary fire and skull on necessary fire catches sun dazzles rays through the stations of the cross
//
Seven stations of the cross map out Christina emanating ten numbers without what and ten countings in nothing
I find a list Christina made when her AA sponsor made her write ten gratitude about me. I’m sure I’ve copied them in the Book before but this copy creates new con/text and new hermeneutics, and her absence obscures the text into dark sayings. Here, the conversation I had with her about the gratitude (these gratitudes map onto gods on the cross and her words provide crucifixion-into-resurrection).
Did I hurt you today? I say. No, says Christina. I did email my sponsor though. I had some resentment. Mostly toward the situation (lack of inadequate healthcare). She asked me if I remember the last time I felt this way while I was still drinking. At that time I was still on Twitter too. So if I was angry about the system, I would go on Twitter and dress people down while having an extra drink. Then it would lead to a bad day, no problem solved. You’ll be on a special place on my prayer list at night for the next two weeks. She also had me write 10 compliments for you. Do you want to hear them? says C. I feel sad I will be on your prayer list, I say. That’s for people who made you mad, right? No, says C. Those people are there too, but there are several places I fill, she says. I see – I’m sorry for this morning, I say. You don’t need to apologize, says C. You didn’t cause harm to me. You had to talk to your sponsor because of me. You feel resentment. It wasn’t towards you, says C. It was a problem. Resentment almost always is. Does your sponsor think I’m a butthead? She doesn’t judge people, says Christina. She tries not to. And with the situation she called me out right away. She could see the whole thing. I was trying to control a situation out of my hands. So I controlled the one thing I COULD control. I withheld love from you, says Christina. I see – what are the ten compliments? Actually they were gratitudes, says C.
1. I’m grateful for Ben always responding, even if he’s in a bad place (I am chatting with a guy who looks like Al Bundy and it is wild.)
2. I’m grateful Ben reaches out, even when I don’t respond.
3. I’m grateful Ben forgives my lapses in communication (I also got mad at you for not checking my prophecy, I say. I'm not sure yet how I feel about it. Checking? says C. What does that mean? I consider you a prophet as well and a creative and prophetic partner. I mean you critique my work which is always prophetic work. Oh, I see, says Christina. I don’t feel I have a responsibility to critique your work. It’s OK to have feelings about that, she says. It’s not about responsibility though. I mean what do you do when you read my writing? It’s about a kind of essential intersection of creative minds, I say. Maybe you got to the problem, says Christina. I tend to reject needing others, reaching out to others, conversing with others, she says.)
4. I’m grateful Ben gives grace when I say rude things or are too blunt (I feel Asia for example engages in that kind of critique, I say. I don’t think it’s about being responsible about something but interacting with the work. You are my community. I experience the Divine through you. I trust you, I say. I’m not present with it, you’re right, says Christina. I’m everybody’s satellite etc., she says. It happens, I say. I’m always going to reach out to you and try to connect with you in creative activity. Asia has been doing something where every Sunday she reads one blog post I send her and she tells me what she thinks, I say. I can’t commit to something like that right now, says C. I will disappoint and then there will be a whole guilt cycle. I will always be a sounding board. And I don’t see a time where I am more committed to being present with your writing. I’m too disjointed right now. And I don’t trust myself to make a commitment. But I do want that in the future. I have to take baby steps, says C. That’s cool, I say. I’m sorry for being a butthead about it. You weren’t a butthead, says C. You can continue to criticize. It’s warranted. I just can’t deliver. I have limitations that I hope to expand as time goes on, says Christina.)
5. I’m grateful Ben allows space for me to be an imperfect person.
6. I’m grateful Ben meets me where I am but takes me by the hand to help me grow.
7. I’m grateful Ben has known me before recovery and still loves me.
8. I’m grateful Ben trusts me enough to be vulnerable with me
9. I’m grateful Ben lets me talk about 12 Step even though he doesn’t like it.
10. I’m grateful for Ben’s life (Also I didn’t say it to my sponsor because I thought it was too personal, but I meant that I’m grateful for your life since I know how hard it is to choose to be alive, says Christina. What did your sponsor say about the list? She doesn’t comment unless something is bullshit. Like it’s not a real gratitude or something. Is it OK if I write about your list? Yeah. It’s free for you to use. Would you like me to comment on your list? Up to you! No limits, she says.
Seven stations of the cross map onto Christina emanating ten numbers without what and ten countings in nothing
//
My eye intensifies My eye intensifies intersections / eye and eye amplified erotic I experiment eye isolated seven stations and ten countings without Christina I experiment eye count Christina without nothing (In traveled Ben wagoner – my lapses in communication Also I didn’t say it to my sponsor because I thought it was tie zamzawed, but I neifs that in braelet for your life since I know his band it is to choose to be alive)
My skull salts necessary fire catch sun dazzles rays through the stations of the cross Christina experiments counting cross without skull I count without skull I’m grateful Ben has known meets me to be alive (My eye eats the cross but the cross crucifies my eye socket. Cross multiplies eye orbitals, the buzzing of planets and electrons all crucified. Christina crosses out my eyes and black bars mutate into black iron prison. My eye eats the prison and its digested walls pour out more eyes.)
Eye amplifies erotic and I contemplate sun face to face I gaze Son of Man and Human One (My eye opens gaze and burning gaze through the middle of my skull. My skull parts sea of reeds and bloody red sea bifurcates sea bifurcates my tongue oral torah burning.) Eye amplifies erotic / I’m dragoman for ben always subwardens, even if he’s a bad bride
My eye eats long pork iron pattern welded steel My extraordinary eye dissects my skull I’m desert partitions
My extraordinary erotic eye dissects my skull in desert partitions compartment cranium department store wall brain capitus and ingot gut gash wound dehiscence
My eye intensifies Christina continuing without and counting mystery (Postcode structure curtail disrobement Ben an before trusts scale Scale fish number without map Christina stations cross)
My eye intensifies Christina number without what and she counts the eyes lined up in the black iron prison walls
I Fear Christina’s Alphabet
Alphabet accuse affair
Alternative alphabet anthropology Attentive arbitrary alphabet aluminum / attention alphabet aluminum mirror wash up matador Matador wash up do the mashed potato pilot beetle battlefields
Alphabet accuse affair Accuse only alphabet orange grove ostinato Alphabet accuse affair orange crush groove god ostinato syringe rhythm (ordinary rhythm rhythm four square asphalt salt shaker assault) Alphabet accuses my affair absolves alphabet and I concern my affairs with adjacent alphabets: I construct disjunct alphabets affair unions
Alphabet accuse affair / I do not fear alphabet but I fear Christina. I fear Christina secret in corners and she peeks pink out of the corner. I fear Christina crushing down Kingdom of the Skies / several shooting stars. I listen to the song Shooting Star by Bob Dylan and Christina falls like lightning from the sky (seen a shooting star tonight and I thought of you…) I see Christina Kingdom of the Skies scorched with shooting stars and I think of her: I think of her fires in fires, and her fires burn alphabet butter-orange…
I turn on the electric stove and shooting stars spark upward I turn on the electric shooting star and stoves stalactite upward war word grill (Go open the jar of dill pickles for me) Dill pickles drill trepann shooting stars / stellar light lobotomies
One of Christina’s favorite Bob Dylan lines, from the song Standing In the Doorway: Don’t know if you I saw you if I would kiss you or kill you… If I saw Christina I would kiss her. I would kiss Christina everyday if I saw her.
Alphabet accuse affair: alphabet accuse affair Christina her own alphabets Alphabet accuse affair originary Christina alphabet: alphabet accuse salt shaker assault (pounding out obsession turned into aggression cannot kill the battery)
I fear Christina pink out of the corner and I fear this alphabet. I fear alphabets and I eye blind to the long piece. I eye blind the long piece without eyes but the alphabet remains. Alphabet resides in my remains a god grove and god groove and rain rhythm. Only alphabet remains.
//
Only alphabet copy circles eye study
The ice-like, lens-shaped area tray trade transparent and of medium hardness
The watery whitish area surrounds the feast as the eggwhite surrounds the yolk
The glasslike steaming area supplies the first two with nourishment from the blood
Only alphabet eye study Eye study island ocean / Adam space anatomy of the eye
Alphabet accuse affair / alphabet accuse rhythm rhythm driving rhythm permeates (I always tried to get him when Elvin Jones wasn’t able to make it. There’s a difference between them. Elvin’s feeling was a driving force. Roy’s was more of a spreading, a permeating. Well, they both have a way of spreading the rhythm, but they’re different.)
Alphabet spreads and permeates Alphabet spreads accuse arrive arrive permeates Alphabet spreads spirals only alphabet
Only alphabet eye study
//
Organic eye alphabet ostinato know knot body noun / the leaf of an artichoke is an owl
How my mother’s embroidered apron unfolds in Embroidery unfolds in simultaneous alphabet alphabet circulation
How my mother’s embroidered alphabet circulation alphabet articulation / alphabet serpent labret with articulated tongue
I bifurcate my eye and I bifurcate my tongue ostinato
I bifurcate my tongue ostinato oral torah Ostinato oral torah bite blood boar bear boron nitride
The pineal eye emits inlet rays solar anus
Alphabet accuse affair Accuse only alphabet bifurcate alphabet emitting eye Alphabet accuse eye rhythm torah rhythm tow tongues Alphabet accuses my affair absolves alphabet and I concern myself with eyes and tongues emanating the embroidery of the eyeless body
Alternative alphabet anthropology Attentive arbitrary alphabet eye emitting diodes / attention eye alphabet articulates the embroidered eye I eye Christina’s eye and her eye emanates the alphabet terrifies
Alphabet accuse affair
The Mystery Of What Follows
Content Warning: suicide, suicidal ideation
The drama is the mystery of what follows
What follows: my flesh in transition. What follows: my flesh transforms flesh and my flesh transitions. My flesh transitions flesh highway and flesh lighthouse. What follows: endless desert and desert liturgy and endless desert ritual. My flesh transitions endless desert drama and I drink from the potion of mystery plays and passages through the passion. The drama is the mystery of what follows.
What follows: prophetic ritual and prophetic discipline
I follow through to secret doctrines, doorway to flesh interiors. I follow labyrinth catacombs onto disciplina arcani further archaic interiors.
The drama is the mystery of what follows Mystery makes messes and mess itself teaches anarchic / mess tempests antinomian Mess itself mixes anarchic machine breaks down machine double desert / machines aggregate double desert drama (Machines moth mal not man machines machines root chant mock moon mist miscellaneous machines – multisyllabic machine monsters with morse code codex)
The drama is the mystery of what follows What follows: my flesh dorm dripping blood My flesh transitions blood protists first form protists (drama drip draft drift sift salt salt coarse coffee malt milk milk duo desert bomb dud)
I dive my body a mystery and I give my body a machine desert / detailed desert drama dramarama I’ll give you candy give you diamonds give you pills anything you want hundred dollar bills
I give my body mystery of drama and mystery of desert and my flesh follows the cross of Christina
What follows: Cross of Christina. Sometimes suicide seems reasonable and suicide seems reasonable without Christina. I study suicides because suicides feel a few bad days away (suicides occurred on bridges that span several gorges on Cornell’s Ithaca campus). (A didactic question: how does one talk about wanting to die in an ethical manner and even in an artistic manner without it becoming an irrational contagion?).
Louis CK has this one stand up bit me and M___ secretly quote all the time about suicide and used cars, says August. I don’t know if you heard it – it’s very dark. There’s this one part of the bit that always stuck with me though and he says it as joke and it is a joke but it’s also real and it’s like: the whole world is full of people who didn’t kill themselves today… “The whole world is full of people who didn’t kill themselves today. That’s who’s here.”
How to write my irrational grief of Christina’s absence and write in a manner that honors the depth and totality of that Ben’s grief and desires – and even desires to die – and to do it ethically or even artistically or even comically necessary – perhaps this only be discovered through the process of experiencing, writing, and prophesying its complete living narrative…
I continue to remember Christina through archived messages and letters:
[9/23, approximately 21 years ago]
You are the sweetest boy ever! I love the picture. It’s the most darling thing I’ve seen the whole time I’ve been here (I’ve seen absolutely no bunnies). Anyway… I love you, kid. I’ll talk to you later (Christina)
The cross of Christina is the cross of Christina and sometimes I select the cross as my method of suicide (I’ve seen absolutely no bunnies but only crucifixions The drama is the mystery of what follows) Suicide simplifies simplifies secret death Death is dummy thick thick water tetragrammaton (nonsense of the Cross nonsense shares nonsense of Christina) The cross of Christina is the cross of Christina prophesies nonsense (I strum suicide on a twelve-string guitar and god accompanies on stonehenge stratocaster)
The drama is the mystery of what follows I follow Christina cross and Christina desert (detailed desert drink rift drift drone drum sum hum harsh hiss sum sum hash hill harsh hell hotel) I line mystery and I experiment mystery: mysterious cross and magic cross (I experiment death-and-resurrection and I experience death-and resurrection, and I prophesy my death opening. I prophesy death into resurrection and I always live. I live through my Christina monomania and my Kindred cackles bewitched witches.)
The drama is the mystery of what: what and what with with mess Mess morse code Nag Hammadi library low lava fauva bean cannibalism (These mess of machines mirror medicine and medicine Mississippi River. I have seen myself backwards in medicine. I have seen myself backwards nursing uranium nucleus as for death to death, different radioactive chains. I have seen myself backwards and I step ocean park stained canvas. I machine the cornerstones of the complex plane and it blooms complex plane peacock plumes.) What way: the cross and nonsense of Christina
The drama is the mystery of what follows her cross and nonsense
Light Created and Concealed And Contained
From here on, light: created, concealed, contained in the covenant
From here on, light and lights: created Christina, concealed Christina, contained Christina, the completion of her covenant
Here Christina, Ancient of Ancients and absolutely present (Neolithic feminine figure. Intricate geometric line work from the Cuchteni Culture. Dated to the 5th century millennium BCE and found in present day Romania.)
Christina neolithic feminine figure with light
Christina feminine configured light with light and the configurations conceal Christina in light
From here on light, lights, and lights: from here on, Christina covenant female feminine form (Neolithic noun notched neolithic neologisms, juice from the primordial god Noun swivels concurrent god god bobblehead naked bandits I invent neologisms with generous vowel volumes)
From here on lights, and Christina created neologism languages and invented words (In high school, Christina and I attempted to create our own dictionary of made-up words. I think the only words we ever made up were “splungeon” and “rooked” – a noun and verb with meanings I can’t remember. We never successfully integrated those words into our daily conversations.)
From here on lights and feminine lights Feminine figures with intricate geometric line work: Asia with all her tattoos
Feminine figures flash flesh feminine: Christina feminine forests forests erases (erasure empty tomb) I taste the tomb from the residue of cassette tapes (I tape any archive double trap sets) I tape trap trace race rhizome haunted homeless I tape trap trace race worse trap / rhizome rascals and bricoleur bandits
From here on, lights: created, concealed, contained in the covenant Lights ghost light from toothbrushes and I prophesy a photometric lamp burning amyl acetate (amyl acetate Eva Frank enfleshed Shekinah) Lights call the teachings up until now has been like the dog that keeps vomiting and swallowing (From here on, I vomit light and swallow light. I swallow lights and lights and lights devour my many stomachs. I vomit light from here on and on lights and onto lights, the ritual of lights. I vomit the ritual of lights and the repetition of lights, and I return to the lights to swallow them entirely light. I light my stomachs passing through torches and lights.)
From here on, arcades and the alphabet arcades: arcades torch lights light torches Arcades pass arterial alpha and omega ostinatos: ostinatos light tetragrammaton figures Light here on lights and feminine lights figure intricate geometric line work: work tattooed light and forest light under erasure
From here on, light and lights: created Christina, concealed Christina, contained Christina, the completion of her covenant
From here on, light: created, concealed, contained in the covenant
The Cross Of Christina Is The Cross Of Christina
Alphabet paints piecewise above word awake: I awake watercolour word alphabet ben adam
I awake color and I awake to color. I awake to color and the color pours ritual: ritual alphabet. I continually awake to color concentrated and color pools in continuity. Color pours in the ritual and practice of continuity (awake alphabet alphabet ant at alphabet awake awake alphabet at water pigment pile awake).
Alphabet pours thick above word Taryn: I awake watercolour above ben awake
//
Christina colors outside the lines. Christina colors clouds as biomorphic soft alphabets. Christina colors outside the lines arcades. Arcade passages twist colors bleeding into colors stained canvases. Christina strays arcades arcade and alphabets intertwine word bewitched watercloud. Christina pours watercolor pink out of the corner. Christina pours celestial city stained pink out of the corner and pink punches purple and pink ghosts. Pink Christina gazes at the perpetual pink and I always look into the eye of Christina’s alphabet absolutely pink.
I am probably going to deal with bouts of depression and suicidal ideation for the rest of my life, I say. Probably, says Asia. I hope I don’t get discouraged from it, I say. I hope you don’t get deterred by it. I hope we continue being friends and growing despite recurring bouts, I say. I think we will be fine, says Asia.
The cross of Christina is the cross of Christina
The cross of Christina paints piecewise the cross of Christina The cross of Christina crucifies watercolour incompletely and watercolour completely the cross of Christina The cross of Christina crashes cubist crash cart the alphabet cross of Christina The cross of Christina keeps watercolour chrism and pours chrism piecewise paint and anoints chrism crucifixion The cross of Christina is the cross of Christina
//
Alphabet paints piecewise above word awake: I awake watercolour word alphabet ben adam Scarecrows alphabet son of man steles of seth (seed of seth sow watercolour sex Christina speakeasy gnosticism)
The cross of Christina is the cross of Christina
Aerial alphabet
Aerial alphabet cross of Christina is the cross of Christian aerial alphabet
Aerial alphabet Aerial alphabet autumn gnostic arctic Aerial ale alphabet both sounds Alphabet sound watercolour Christina colors outside the lines sound alphabet Alphabet and alphabets both throat throttle sounds
The cross of Christina creates Ben prophesying the cross of Christina and I witness her I pick up my cross and I follow the cross of Christina into absence over absence / aerial alphabet empty tomb (How am I supposed to create at all? I say. You just do it because you can and because you can’t not do it, says Asia.) I create crosses alphabet crucifixions and I witness her empty tomb
Alphabet paints piecewise word and I wake watercolour awake
I wake awake aerial alphabet Alphabet Aleph aerial ale alphabet sound awake Alphabet sounds awake both little throttle tetragrammaton titties (God glyph sound gender dysphoria polyphonic desert drizzles up dilaudid desert)
Awake absurd alphabet elephant ears echo violet aurora awake
Awake analog alphabet auburn hair ash awake (Ash trash layer alphabet zebra Alphabet amulet corrosive aluminum) Awake absurd alphabet elephant foot root violet awake
The cross of Christina couples copper the cross of Christina
I torch her copper conducts crucifixion quickly. I melt cool copper in my mouth and I prophesy metals some previously dead / not risen. Copper extends cantilevers with Christina ladders, and our Kindred columns hold up the cedars of the Book.
The cross of Christina conducts electric watercolors the cross of Christina (I attend the Church of Christina and my attendance brings the apocalypse. I keep a closer apocalypse Christina kisses and our kisses conduct copper eschaton. I kiss Christina certain apocalypse at the center of apocalypse and her parousia kisses human body palimpsest. I kiss Christina certain apocalyptic rubber duck revelations.) The cross of Christina kisses watercolour crucifixions in the atmospheres of the cross of Christina
(Christina I love you very much. Little red haired girl, I love you very much. Christina I love you very much and I miss you a lot. I heard Round Here by Counting Crows on the radio this morning and I thought of you. You’re the girl that says, Hey man you should try and take a shot can’t you see my walls are crumbling?)
Alphabet paints piecewise above word awake: I awake watercolour word alphabet ben adam
I Attach Alphabet To As Above So Below
I attach alphabet to as above so below
I attach alphabet to alphabet alarm biofilm Alphabet breeches alphabet bodies bubonic plague biofilm
(Biofilm formation both in the flea foregut and in vitro is dependent on the extracellular matrix synthesized by the Yersinia hms gene products)
I attach alphabet to alphabet as above so below Alphabets break boombox biological weapons (I attach alphabet to my biology: alphabet bone and alphabet body entirely biofilm. I attach alphabet to my biology and it boils bodies primordial soup. Ben biology rescued to biofilm swarms prima material. Alphabet structures the materia and letters shape chaos as above so below. Alphabet forms prima materia biological dark matter. I babel barbarian alphabets and ben body infects infrared turntables.) I strike alphabet hammer and anvil, and alphabet flees flesh sparks
(Woman mixes biological dark matter: tetragrammaton and Taryn materia Woman mines mine biofilm invisible orange aurora Woman melts aurora orange alphabet boxes advent accents)
I attach alphabet to alphabet as above so below
//
As above so below, Book of Christina
Christina keeps the forest in her brow / tyger tyger burning bright in the forest of the night Christina in the forest of the night Christina at night stalked cable cars Night Christina bursts red blood cells / corpse corpuscles (During a flea bite, Y. pestis is regurgitated into the dermis in a unique biofilm phenotype, and this has implications for the initial interaction with the mammalian innate immune response) Night Christina bursts red blood cells / corpse corpuscles Night Christina stalks cable car red blood cell crop circles
(Night Christina knows Night Christina Night Christina nets Night Christina Night Christina knocks Night Christina)
Electric Christina charges night car electricity (a cable car collapses clipper wires wire wyrd hyena: night car crushes you’re lying in bed with the pride of a lion) Christina circulates beach electricity central coast wildfires Christina circulates Einstein on the Beach red blood cells and the solo violin meanders voluptuous arpeggios
As above so below Book of Christina cable cars
//
I attach alphabet to alphabet as above so below
I arm myself with alphabet. I aim alphabet and partial alphabets break up in atmospheres (alphabets circulate Christina micropolyphony). I wrestle alphabet and alphabets evade me inverted alphabets. I wrestle alpha alpha aleph – alf alef any alpha wrestling. I wrestle any. I sample alphabets wrestling what is this alphabet (wrestling against alphabets alphabets and I attach myself to alphabet).
My cool aunt told me that my mom used to be into tarot cards when she was younger, says Asia. She’s like a Christmas Carol person, I say. Perhaps in another life, she would have been a cool witch. She is surprisingly witchy, says Asia. You still practicing magic? I say. A little bit, she says. I might try to do some sigils, I say. I love making sigils, says Asia. What’s your method of making yours? How do you use them in your practice? I haven’t really used them, says Asia. I just like making them. It’s kind of cathartic. I might start making wreaths and décor for my doors and put them there, she says. Oh, like meditative relaxing experience. Yeah, kinda, she says. It’s fun taking letters and playing around with their shape. Would you ever be interested in designing a sigil or sigils for the book? I say. I don’t see why not, she says. I thought it would be a cool way to show your influence and magic on the Book, I say.
I write each time make it magic I write each time magic it a more each time sigil (You still spongiform magic? A notchy bit. I tempt try to do some sigils and things. I love making sigils)
I love making sigils and I attach alphabet to alphabet I attach alphabet to alphabet make it more intentional magic practice Make it intentional magic sketch magic ink (I ink pink out of the corner pink out of the corner. I inch pink out of the corner pale pink out of the corner. I ink inchworm out of the corner still red red and gold. Pink out of the corner join jewel red red and gold / three spiral jetty drawings) I love making sigils and I attach alphabet to alphabet and in my eyes into alphabet, I have visions of her, a human one
//
Christina is surprisingly witch and she bewitches Book
Christina circulates beach sigils charged cable car beach Christina circulates magic Einstein on the Beach red red blood cells pink out of the corner Christina circulates solo violin vision visions sigils voluptuous arpeggios Christina circulates cross-rhythm beach / Tetragrammaton tresillo (Christina cable car couple sigil to the Bo Diddley beat) Christina circulates sigil beach electricity central coast wildfires (Christina circulates sigil making fire magic Christina why witch hold fire wormwood and wormwood warns winter word / winter music Christina woman of the Apocalypse) Cable cars follow Christina to Mount Megiddo
I watch the end of the X-files episode “The Sixth Extinction: Amor Fati” and the episode prophesies Benjamin and Christina. Christina pulls the tarot card of Touchstone/Keystone and she remains my Touchstone/Keystone. Kindred kisses keystone and Christina crypts counts cemetery creeps. Christina crypt inhabits a cryptid Christianity and a queer cornerstone (You’re a very important person in my life. And I, you! Touchstones like Mulder and Scully? I’m very lucky to have close friends who deal with asshole ben. Sure! And I’m extra lucky. I’m a terrible person. Not dependable at all. But I do love you.) (Do you think we are like Mulder and Scully about touchstones? Sure! We just use the word Kindred I think.)
Christina is surprisingly witchy and bewitches Book Her book inks pink sigils out of the corner
//
I attach alphabet to alphabet above and below. I attach alphabet kingdom of the skies to alphabet holy spirit (Above alphabet absurd asylum earth holy spirit spiral Above alphabet attaca talon taryn torture garden). I pull alphabet before I write each time. I make alphabets a more intentional magic practice. I still practice alphabets: I practice attaching alphabet to alphabet).
Alphabets surprise surprising and as dream pull: alphabet pull magic writing Christinas
Alphabet making intentional their magic That I there me the I you a doors try (Above alphabet absurd asylum cartwheel holy spirit spirals Above alphabet attaca talon taryn torture garden Above alphabet piecewise word awake: I awake watercolor word alphabet ben adam)
I attach alphabet to alphabet above Christina below Christina (Christina colors outside the lines. Christina colors outside the lines and Christina with camera make snapshots, holy spirit snap dragons. Christina colours outside the lines arcade time crisis. Christina at the arcade hustles alarm street fighter fugue stretto.) Alphabet fugues alphabet Christina stretto (Copper Christina keeps the copper gory through the Oort Cloud Oort Cloud wraps around Christina’s waist / Christina’s waist cool copper comet khombu ice field Christina furrows) Above Christina a celestial city plays pink out of the corner pink punch Pink Christina gazes at the pure pink ghost (ghost eyes ice caves eyelet I always look Christina)
I attach alphabet to alphabet Christina above Christina below
I Store Alphabet Beneath The Ground
I store alphabet beneath the ground I store ground alphabet god gruppen (stone groups groups gods stone gruppen)
I store alphabet alphabets beneath underneath ground ground
Additional alphabets bloody additional unsteady echo
I store alphabet beneath the ground gruppen alphabets. I store alphabet stones aleph and beth numbers. I store stone cardinals: infinite cardinals and the stones stir greeter explanatory power (I explain gruppen gods with very large cardinals)
//
I store alphabet stories and alphabet letters: Kindred letters and numbers stored beneath the ground
Tue 23 Sep, 22 years ago. Email to Christina.
I’m afraid of the day where you become so popular that you do not need me anymore. And it seems like everything you wanted about college is coming true – you are going to numerous events and concerts, making lots of friends and everything. I’m just scared a bit, that’s all. - Ben
No, sweetheart. You don’t understand. None of these things even begin to compare to talking with you and everyone from P____. These are just things to keep me from killing myself or maybe going crazy. I will always have time for you and I’m even ditching free food to watch Gilmore Girls with you. So… consider yourself lucky! Actually, I do consider myself lucky to be able to talk to you. Anyway… later. (Christina)
(Copper, you’re my very best friend. And you’re mine too, Tod. And we’ll be best friends forever, won’t we? Yeah, forever!)
I bury alphabets and letters beneath the corpse of Kindred (Every day your memory grows dimmer It doesn’t haunt me like it did before I’ve been walking through the middle of nowhere Trying to get to heaven before they close the door). Christina’s memory-absence haunts, but perhaps not as much as 3 or 4 months ago but the amount I miss her shows itself as abrupt and erratic – a nonlinear or a high degree polynomial
I store alphabet stones and alphabet letters Letters grieve Kindred abrupt abrupt Letters loot grief dark lights and no lights, and stone ground coppers (Tod foretells death)
Christina couple castle car hen mixed desert Christina couple Castlevania and Metal Gear Solid easter eggs (Christina lays lags eggs slipping omelets)
Christina catches cable cars by running after them really fast and throwing a gorgon grappling hook. Hook hangs on the wheels and drags awhile but Christina seethes teeth big fat goalie.
Christina clocks sonoran desert cactus crown Christina creeps into the canyon book of sand and library of babel everything bagel Christina keeps the forest in the furrow of her brow (she selects forest fragments and steals palm trees from Southern California) Christina keeps the forest in her brow / tyger tyger burning bright in the forests of the night Christina at night stalks cable cars
Christina stores stone letters and babel alphabet Her stones store Kindred stories – other world and underworld stories
//
I drive alphabet alphabets beneath grounds Alphabet alarm body bodies biofilm: ground gathers them up the slime of alphabets
Alphabet derives alphabet driven into ground grounds gruppen alphabet Gruppen ground grinds alphabets into slime water and blood separate
Event Makes The Apocalypse Explicit
Event makes the apocalypse explicit: an explicit apocalypse and vulgar apocalypse Event eludes-cascades the impossible: apocalypse asshole and apocalypse Fuck You (Fuck You a trumpet punch scatters Fuck You scatters sound skeleton hellions)
Event erodes into an explicit revelation (Summer Resort Women A searing novel of restless women seeking thrills and diversions… at any cost!)
Event erupts explicit eschaton (Sex Thief In the millionaires’ mansion, she practices her wild sexual perversions)
I experiment event. My mouth tastes ocean speech. I speak event (my mouth mere were taste ocean speech). That speech unfurls explicit and my mouth speech salts spalt brackish asphalt. I eat phantom event and I eat subterranean event unearths underground and it digs explicit phantom cave / phantom underground. Phantoms scribe god and ghosts glossolalia.
Event makes the apocalypse explicit Event etches ben adam graphomania: apocalypse graph graph graphomania manic graphs I etch apocalypse possessed by manias Graphomania serpentine directs directed graph apocalypses (graph catch wrench grape-clusters apocalypses cave mouth graphs screwdriver cave apocalypses cave mouth scratches apocalypse ben ratchet left)
Cave mouth interrupts eschaton / old kingdom turnip apocalypse I prophesy cave mouth / I prophesy my body alphabet bullshit I prophesy alphabet motherfucker unfinished garden of forking paths I prophesy unfinished torture garden god (ben body without organs)
//
Event makes the apocalypse explicit: explicit my grief (Christina cave phantoms and Christina apocalypse underneath) entirely entire
This may sound dumb, but I feel I have going about this thing with Christina wrong, I say. I declared the finality of her never being my friend again because I felt me grieving without finality was harming my relationships. But I think my heart of hearts feels it untrue. It instead feels someday as long as Christina and I are alive we will reconcile. So it is false to say the Kindred is dead… Does that sound silly? I say. I think you need to approach the Christina situation from a neutral stance, says Asia. It doesn’t have to be black and white. Both can be true. It is both over now and has the possibility of not being over in the future, says Asia.
I know Asia is probably right (she usually is) but I want to be a Knight of Faith and have unwavering belief in the Parousia of the Kindred and the Kindred Apocalypse. The deep grief grinds absurd depressive abyss.
Event makes the apocalypse explicit and the Kindred explicitly writes apocalypse and apocalyptic Explicit event arouses Kindred faith and faith in parousia, and I await in anticipation Kindred Return as a wise virgin with copious oil
//
The event must also announce itself as impossible: it must thus announce itself without calling in advance, without forewarning…
(An erotic event explicit hitman pornographies) Erotic event explicates explicit. Erotic event explicates aleatoric and chance pornographies. Erotic event oscillates erotic with erotic and pornographic with pornographic (an erotic event explicit hitman pornographies)
An erotic event exhales explicit pornographies in graph with clandestine pornographies Erotic event exhales assassinations agglutinations (aleatoric hitman sting bugs body armadillo tortillas) Erotic event assassinations: I do not announce this assassination which also acts in annunciation
An event apple orchard pornographic pomegranates Event elan excited event announces event without event Announces event without announcement immediate impossible apocalypse A neurotic impossible apocatastasis / immovable movable mischief monoliths
The Event of Christina announces her apocalypse without apocalypse (This is the way her world ends, not with a bang but a whimper)
The Christina Event and the Christian Event empties apocalypse of all apocalypse and only the impossible remains in its kenotic residue
(The event must also announce itself as impossible: it must thus announce itself without calling in advance, without forewarning, announcing itself without announcing itself, without any horizon of expectation, any telos, formation, form, or teleological performance. Whether it is always monstrous, unpredictable character, demonstrable and undemonstrable…)
The event announces itself as surely apocalypse – hitman apocalypse apocalypse assassinations erotic apocalyptic absences The event announces apocalyptic alphabet An alphabet has been stored beneath the ground (Beneath ground, god gruppen god body without organs Beneath ground, organs grasp gasp echo earth echolalia) Apocalyptic alphabet add unsteady echo echoes
//
Event echoes Christina apocalypse and I prophesy her eschaton in fragments
I prophesy mostly in fragment, and I copy Christina emails and song lyrics. The copying prophesies too. I prophesy nostalgia for former apocalypse and I unearth platypus fear street / god gore goosebumps. I revive revive the fragment (for myself) as the primary medium for my (not) mourning. I miss Christina and everything I copy copies Christina (Christina compresses the apocalyptic event into fragments and fragments of fragments; she assembles her fragments impossibly and she assembles herself impossibly). I rearrange Christina fragments into double fragments, my own version of the Banach-Tarski Paradox.
I copy stations of the cross, dissemble the pieces into holy splinters, and I reassemble them to form a dozen crosses and a dozen crossed Christinas (I’ve stepped in the middle of seven sad forests I’ve been out in front of a dozen dead oceans I’ve been ten thousand miles in the mouth of a graveyard…) I prophesy a baker’s dozen apocalypse and Christina inhabits every desert. Christina crucifies the habit of the desert and desert language betroths heaven and hell.
I articulate the desert twice: I articulate two deserts and two cave mouths, and they machine double-jointed time out of joint. Christina time out of joint keeps corpses cold in karst catacombs (Don’t know if I saw you if I’d kiss you or kill you It probably wouldn’t matter anyhow You left me standing in the door crying I got nothing to go back to now). I articulate Christina double desert sidewinders and her whirlwinds keep cold karst catacombs. Her catacombs crack casks karakoram. Her catacombs keeps climber dead and she keeps time on frozen bodies. She keeps time in apocalyptic fragments and names, and YHVH emerges out of the heart of the tempest and tempest tests in double kisses. YHVH tempest articulates double kisses. Christina kisses me double apocalypse and double event: Ben King Cobra and Shelby Cobra fragments.
Christina simplifies apocalypse: an approximate apocalypse fulfills the same game events and a full apocalypse. Christina accents apocalypse and staccato holy spirit and quick time eucharist events. Christina spikes apocalypse with arsenic (Last night I danced with a stranger but she just reminded me you were the one).
Event echoes Christina apocalypses and her eschaton shatters events into fragments – her fragments
//
Event makes the impossible explicit: an explicit apocalypse and a vulgar apocalypse I vomit vulgar visions – visions vernacular viral pornographies (From one of the strangest marriages of all time, Lili plunged into a heavenly hell of violent ecstasy Too Good For Men)
Event makes the impossible explicit Event alphabet hits alarm body bioflim / ben biological weapon Event biological weapon whip woman Taryn Tularemia (woman tetragrammaton Taryn Tularemia) Event makes impossible invisible aurora orange Aurora orange alphabet boxes advent accents (Christina accent fragmentary apocalypse / impossible orange alphabets)
Event makes the impossible explicit
Vision and Mysticism 