They saw Jesus coming down, giving light exceedingly, and there was no measure to the light in which he was. For he gave more light than in the hour that he went up to heaven, so that the men in the world were not able to speak of the light which was his, and it was cast forth very many rays of light, and there was no measure to its rays.
The human figure heats light from lights earth hearth / my body freed by fire My freed by fire frees fire very many rays of light
The human figure configures light and my body hammers hollow earth active funk agharta I anticipate my body similarly hollow I figure configures antinomian fire I anticipate my body light fire blossoms have appeared on earth (The human of my body sets my body ablaze. The human of my body configures light inside light blazing fires. The human heats bodies fires within fires and hollow earth of fires.) The human figure configures fugue fire fiery counterpoint
Light explodes Pistis Sophia Light explode lights exploded door doe nag hammadi codex (There was not a plurality before me, but there was a likeness with multiple fires in the light, and the likenesses appeared through each other, and the likeness had there forms) Light explode light lantern nag hammadi codex campfire
Light contaminate lights contaminate corpse explosion
Light contaminates light and I examine light erotic human body body bore bound to whale bone eros (What do some girls have that others don’t? Are they sexier or just easier? OFF LIMITS The “nice” girls schooled him in passion. The street walkers taught him to love!) I examine erotic figure and erotic human triple light and three fires within the fire I examine codex hex Christian catacomb / catacomb ballroom blitz or blitzkrieg bop Light bodies give god Yardbird Yahweh bebop / I improvise bebop ben adam
I tighten my teeth through all twelve keys and Taryn whose teeth who interlace kiss octatonic scales. I tighten my teeth tritone substitution and Taryn teeth interlock earth and locket earth upper partials. Through teeth Taryn teethes bebop hardbop body wire (my body fly-by-fire salt peanuts or body without organs bloomdido). I tighten my teeth and my teeth Taryn stir up night troubles.
I improvise bebop ben adam I improvise bebop ben hinnom haste hook light serpent sophia
I improvise ben adam bebop lead shop
I improvise ben adam bebop ben hinnom hardbop (an off-beat rim shot on the snare followed by a bass drum bomb)
I improvise be body bee body head bop burr birds (Where’s jazz going? I don’t know. Maybe it’s going to hell. You can’t make anything go anywhere. It just happens.) I force my human figure into odd boxes and platypus polygons and I attempt to have control over new directions. I refuse to let the Book just happen even if it goes to hell. I force my human figures into hell and hells (Pistis Sophia lights explode my body). I improvise hell and hell exploded happens the marriage of heaven and hell.
I improvise bebop ben hinnom hook light serpent list sophia I look light elastic gives erotic
I feel like I need another human to improvise with, write with, and be in tune with on a creative level… I feel a kind of creative synchronicity with you. Perhaps I can write poems in response to your poems…
I improvise Taryn whose teeth interlace I improvise Taryn who frights without a weapon (Taryn morning apparition Taryn afternoon apparition)
I look light elastic gives erotic and I insist earth, the retort in which sulfur and mercury waiste I look Christ light and Sophia sapphic light and I purify the lion mixture by word wolf (my libido suffuses the entire desert, the body without organs) I look light Christina codex and I cling to her Book crucified
I’m using one notebook to improvise ideas and thoughts without worrying about technique or poetry necessarily. Then I use another notebook to build on those ideas and interpolate them and build on them. If I get lost I can repeat the idea again because I have it verbatim in the other notebook.
They saw Jesus coming down, giving light exceedingly and I name the given light with elemental name and primordial name (I broke the blackout day to report a crime, says Asia. My daughter got into this ancient info card set with animal info cards on it. Most of them had very specific names [porcupine fish, crown of thorns starfish]. Then you get to this [ant]. The worst crime is this [dragonfly]. THAT’S NOT A DRAGONFLY. Is that a dobsonfly? I say. Close. Damselfly. Oh I was so close, I say. YOU HAVE TRAINED ME WELL JEDI MASTER. Then I told my friend and she said I was autistic, says Asia. No surprise there, I say. Where are you going to report this crime? Listen, says Asia. No where in the DSM does it say anything about being able to determine if it’s a fly or beetle or bee based on what it sounds like when it flies. Or knowing the difference between a damselfly and a dragonfly, says Asia. True, I say. I’m happy to hear your knowledge on insects any day of the week. I love it. You won’t get any judgment from me. It’s the same energy I used to get when I used to explain the difference between Italian sixths and German sixths in music theory. My friend wasn’t being judgmental, she says. I’m just being dramatic. Her exact words were “I love your big autism,” says Asia. That’s funny, I say. I kid you not, when you told me you broke the blackout day to report a crime and telling me about your discovery, I was still thinking you were going to report this crime somewhere else. But then it hit me, right after I said, Where are you going to report this crime? You’re reporting it to me! What does that say about my interpretation of social cues? If you’re autistic than I’m autistic, I say. Spreading awareness, one special interest and missed social cue at a time, says Asia.) I name the given light with elemental names and primordial names (the primordial name was the likeness with multiple forms of the names primordial light names and elemental light names)
I name the given light with elemental time and primordial name I name light and I light name as primal language happening Language happens hell name and name notch erotic cedar rafters / my bed wolves verdant My bed wolves word videodrome earth eat body horror erotic (Did you know? If a female octopus is hungry and doesn’t want to mate, she’ll entice the male and mislead him into thinking they’re about to mate, then she’ll strangle him to death and feast on his corpse in her den for a few days.)
They saw Jesus come down and give light exceedingly and light explodes Pistis Sophia Light names light and light between light names horror and erotic (She mates… Then she terminates. LADY TERMINATOR)
They saw Jesus come down and give light exceedingly, and light explodes Pistis Sophia Light looms noon Taryn morning apparitions Taryn whose hair hangs in clusters Taryn whose sides are well filled out Light explodes Taryn teeth interlaces laded lap fire
One Always Risks Chaos
If one doesn’t know where to begin, begin with Nag Hammadi: if one doesn’t know where to begin, begin with Pistis Sophia
They saw Jesus coming down, giving light exceedingly, and there was no measure to the light in which he was for he gave more light than in the hour he went up to heaven, so that the men of the world were not able to speak of the light which was his, and it cast forth very many rays of light, and there was no measure to its rays.
I begin with Pistis Sophia and the repetition of light and types of light and intensities of light loosen ray strands book of sand I begin lights: lights with lights lights within lights lights between lights lights between loosen brighter lights and lights ray repetition and multiplicities Lights explore lights light permutations lights combinations repetitions
I repeat light experiments and light explorations and I repeat cave mouth shiplight lights shipwrecks
Light repeats light ritual rituals repetitions lights repeat Light repeats lights ritual river lights rent repeating lights
(Light eludes left light left left lights. Light eludes elusive light light entry entrances light. Light eludes aleph light alpha aleph repeats light and lights elude lights. Lights elude early light repeat lights lantern birds. Lights elude and include absurd lights, rays of bright shipwrecks.)
Light arises fires within fires and lights within lights, lights arise rush shed earth fire sheets of sound (I write cliches, borrowed language, bourgeois beasts… I do nothing with the cliche except use it. I collect cliches and I aggregate the idiosyncratic cut of their encrypted bodies. I collect cliches as crypt and catacomb on fire / body torches lights arise body wick bodies burnt by the sun) Light arises fires within fires and lights within lights
Lights arise giving light exceedingly Giving light exceedingly: give light excess inside immediate Give light gore glyph graph Give gore gash hash gulf gamma ray glass Give girth gunner jar jack the ripper Give grasp gore gate glory Give gateless gate and body without organs barrierless barrier
Give light gaze glow deep alchemical gold (I write a peculiar kind of bricolage and collage. I bemoan my b-movie dialogue, my absurdity and skeletal skepticism, my fake realism, and my balsa wood backed stories (I sit in the dark, watching others’ lives I sit in the dark a world lit only by fire I sit void voyeur visions) I write a peculiar kind of Book, one cut open by collage cliches and bricolage babel) Give light gaze glow drip alchemical gold
I begin with Pistis Sophia and I grow gold gouge experimental Christ light I grow gold glow Christ light and lantern dead lights Christ light glint granite light light guile (light guiles witchwood beguiled body without organs ben body without organs gifts glade light and gulch light) I grow light gruff stone horn gauze bass gallop Light geode gouges eye gaze / light gaze jazz
I begin with the Pistis Sophia and I give light exceedingly erotic I give eye light exceedingly erotic enteral organ exegesis (A rollicking romp of revealing feminine! SHE SHOULD HAVE STAYED IN BED See what hidden cameras reveal! See behind bedroom doors!)
I begin beg egg being with wit Pistis Sophia Pistis Sophia gives ives vent lie light Lie light excess etch erotic (The party begins when the lights go out! SLUMBER PARTY MASSACRE II)
I give eye light exceedingly erotic eek excess Elusive light excess add excess inclusive eye light (my eye light lurches eye light liminal. My eye liminal light leaks light from my skull and eye skirts eye liminal light. My eye light attaches leech light light attacks. Light leaks from eyes inch towards the sun snail light.) Elusive light excess add excess inclusive eye light Eye light sleeps heap of images erotic three months with the wild mountain girls of tibet
I give light eye erosion (elusive light shred mothlight molt mirror metamorphosis) I give light eye erosion: I give light inside eye height eclipse (Love loud eye makeup, says Asia. I want to scare away predators. Does loud eye makeup scare away predators? I say. Bright colors do, she says. I should go full moth mode and paint fake eyes on myself, says Asia.) I give bright light inside eye eye bright colors do bright colors do inside eye light Bright colors fake eyes I give painted light loud light loud light paint fake paint eye mine light loud light paints excess light
I begin with Pistis Sophia and I exploit eclipse erotic Son of Man I exploit nude Jesus of Nazareth with nude Sabbatai Sevi I give jazz and eye light orgasm and light injects earth body elemental (element eye electric eye metastasis metamorphosis metamorphic eye mothlight) Eye unearths given light and godlight gift etch egg eye erotic (an eye onto the egg, yolk onto Yahweh)
I begin episodic light gives god girth light earth ethanol / egg earth elastic
Light explodes Pistis Sophia and my body too explodes nude death and embracing death and death a little light flicker
George Dyer died in Paris on 24 October 1972, and Francis Bacon must have begun this triptych immediately on returning to London. Presumably he painted this work as the gravity of the situation, his loss, and probably his guilt, weighed upon him. The setting of the center panel is based on a stairway in the Paris hotel in which Dyer died.
Light explodes Pistis Sophia / light explodes any text Any text explodes body without organs (I’m gazing out the window of the St. James Hotel and I know no one can sing the blues like Blind Willie McTell)
Light explodes come through my kitchen window (Paint kitchen window loud colors and fake eyes)
Light explodes death and death and death the risk of death. I paint death triptych hermetic and triptych heretic and triptych marriage of heaven and hell. Light explodes death into the death and death amplifies acute death on stairs. I pick up the staircase and leave left. I exit stage left with stairs and stairs the triptych.
It’s important to fail in art, I say. I’m too afraid of failure and I want to take risks to fail. It is, says Asia. It might be the most important thing, she says.
Light explodes risk death crucifixions Light dies sparks triptych Taryn insects (my eyes leak light Taryn teeth)
Eyes leak Taryn teeth (Taryn whose teeth interlace Taryn whose coat is the same color as the surface of the earth Taryn who shows up late at night)
My eyes leak light explosion and my eyes risk death and death death letter blues
All theological interpretation (at least that which recognizes itself as interpretation rather than revelation) today exposes itself to the incalculable multiplicity of influences, powers, protests, doubts, cultures, desperations, expectations. One pursues hermetical complexity. But one always risks chaos.
My habits and style trouble me and imprison me. I feel fluent in my style and habits: I have found my voice and I enjoy my voice and I feel capable of expressing potently with my voice. I fear if I seek the new, I will fail at finding my voice and expressing the potent and prophetic. I will create bad writing. I will create bad writing and making the bad cuts open the way to making better. I keep failing and failing – even failing to strangle my voice voices voice – yet the failure fucks with the instability of the Book to reveal new chaos.
I make the same passage and keep rewriting it: one in my current style and voice, and one risking and fucking it up. I write multiple times and juxtapose them next to each other. Both directions at once as John Coltrane would say. He tried having two drummers in his band – Elvin Jones and Rashied Ali – one going in the new direction and one going in his fluent known direction but it ended up a disaster and Elvin Jones ended up leaving. Thus he had no choice but to go fully into new chaos.
Both directions at once and one always risks chaos (Then make yourself into a nuisance, says Asia. Become goblin. Steal everyone’s left sock. Be like a cat. Walk into a place and be like “I live here now and that’s your problem,” says Asia.)
Light explodes Pistis Sophia and I must have begun this triptych immediately (Taryn Triptych whose teeth interlace Taryn whose coat colors earth surface surface surface Taryn who shows up late at night Taryn who looks for trouble late at night Taryn who stirs up night troubles)
I begin with Pistis Sophia and light explodes eye eye entire eye open eye
Light triptych immediate immediately light Light paint gravity give light gravity
Light explodes Pistis Sophia Light explodes light explodes doe door hinge nag hammadi codex Light contaminates light corpse explosion
I begin with Pistis Sophia and the repetitions of lights tuned intensities
I Reproduce In Fire
Fire arises as the first and most subtle element
Fire arises and fire arises antinomian sabbath Fire arises river rafters and horizontal beam river banks Fire arises riverrun aleph aleph Asia Among Rainforests
Fire arises and fire arises antinomian sabbath (sabbath surfaces psalm sea swarm living creatures)
Fire arises fire from fire to you fire Fire full fan and fire on you fiery earth eat fire Fire arises fight fire with fire Fire with fire fan fill up on you fire Fire from earth to each fire fringe fang Fang fire fidget fire on budget (fussbudget fire)
Fire arises and the sabbath surfaces psalm sea swarm living creatures Living creatures as the four evangelists prophesy sea eschaton no exit Fire arises no exit except cosmic sabbath
Fire arises and I cannot exit the rhizome but I prophesy sea cell sea and sabbath serpent sabbath I prophesy a long exposure of the camera and sunlight strikes the building on opposite sides / I expose the word and number insect revelations I expose the word and number fiery revelations
Fire arises as the first and most subtle element. The fire sticks to me. Fire stirs to me and Jesus, who is Abemamentho, said to his disciples: Truly, I say to you, when I came I brought nothing to the world except this fire and this water and this wine and this blood.
Fire writes as the first and most subtle elements, and the fire sticks to me first man and first son of man: ben adam. Fire arises and Jesus said: I have cast fire upon the world and see, I am watching over it until it blazes. Fire sticks to me Son of Man and Jesus said: Whoever is near me is near fire, and whoever is far from me is far from the Kingdom.
Fall in love with creating and you will get there, says Asia. Do what you can to love writing while you are writing. Write like there is fire in your bones. Like it’s something primordial, says Asia.
I fall in love with fire and I fall in love with first fire. Fire falls waterfall and waters swarm with the swarm of living creatures. Waters swarm first fire and Book swells body ben hinnom.
Fire arises and I fall in love with fires. I fall in love with human flesh: flesh fire flight and flying fire. I mix fires and waters and I act swarms in waters. I act anarchic swarms in waters and cut of waters, fiery word fiery living creatures. Waters swarm fiery word cosmic sabbath, and through contact with the moon and sun, philosophical mercury the power of the fertility of the earth.
Fire arises and the first and most subtle element. This is not the invisible fire of the alchemists but the material dark fire which leads everything alive to destruction. I destroy the Book material. Destroy the Book material. Difficult to destroy Book the Book material but I fall in love with fire. Destroy Book destroy material: destroy my Book material body (body to body material fire body from body dark fire). Destroy body: destroy ben body (body on fire smokes ben hinnom). Destroy Book / Bane breaks Batman’s back knightfall tree of knowledge. Destroy the destroy emptiness of emptiness. I empty Book fiery eschaton / I open Book broken body. Destroy the Book within my body and destroy my body within my Book.
Fire arises as the first and most subtle element. This is not the invisible fire of the alchemist but the material dark fire which leads everything alive to destruction. Life exists and continues to exist in the process of destruction by fire.
I fuck with fire I fuck with fire friction forest
I fuck with fire and waters swarm earth krystal chaoskampf lake chasm iceberg I fuck with fire and waters sweat earth serpent soil and Taryn tar (ben hinnom deposits desert desert / depth philosophy mercury)
I fuck with fire and I swear by waters I swear by waters and the blossoms appear on earth My blood appears on earth adam cain and adam abel, and my body barracks two trees and two messiahs (I brought nothing to the world except this fire and this water and this wine and this blood)
Do you know about the long leaf pine tree? says Asia. No, I say. It is endangered, says Asia, but it was all across the south east. They are known for being combustive as they need fire in order to reproduce, but the reason I bring them up is that baby long leaf pines stay very close to the ground, like grass for a long time while establishing roots. They hardly grow upward at all during that time. Then one day they shoot up and look like little Dr. Seuss trees. Sometimes growth is like that. Even when it feels like you aren’t growing, your brain is putting down roots, chewing on things, says Asia.
I fuck fire and I need fire in order to reproduce I fuck fire and reproduce fire I fuck with fire forest fragment folk skull fuck forests: forests body butcher breech fire Breech fire rask reach my body wretch retch vomit wrench wench
My brain on fire reproduces fire and I dream the restoration of man. I see the restoration of the figure of man within fires and I split myself in fires within Ben Adam. The restoration of the figure of man fields completion in fires, and the Redeemer remains in the world of fiery husks, of the powers of other side, and in the power of the marriage of heaven and hell, while she togethers the fires.
I dream the human fire as the Book and Book destroys Book. Book destroys human figure and the figure of the Book in fires on fire (fire from fire in your figure fire with fire fan fill up on your fire). I dream the human figure of the Book as haunted canvas fire and fire fills it body colors: red fork figure, white canvas shadowless syntax. I see seen Book additive fire: fire ben adam and fire adam asia: Asia Among Fires river to fire rivers within reproducing fires.
I fuck with fires material dark deconstruction. I destroy my seraph body set my body ablaze. I destroy divided by fires and reproduced by fires. I fuck material dark fire fire dark and I set my seraph body ablaze (Jesus says: I have cast a fire onto the world, and see, I watch over it until it blazes up). I reproduce by fire and I write like there is fire in my blood (I have brought the water and the fire from the place of the lights of the Treasury of the Light).
Fire arises as the first element and most subtle element My brain fire force coral wreckage (there are over 500 starfish in the bathroom drawer I was starting to worry that pet turtle could tell what I was thinking) Fire arises restless fiery body Fire arises impossible reach wrench hammer long screw body Ben body helix hum husk wire fiery carcass (The lion, being hungry, throws itself on the antelope and devours it. The panther anxiously awaits the moment it too can claim its share. Birds of prey have each torn a piece of flesh from the top of the poor animal which sheds a tear. The sun sets.)
Fire arises raw body resurrections multiple resurrection fragrant fire fire frankenstein (Bury my body Lord I don’t care where they bury my body Lord I don’t care where they bury my body cause my life is gonna live with god)
Fire arises frequent body resurrection / zebra zombie undead gnosis (Not seven sermons to the dead but seven sermons to the undead) (I dream the human figure undead and seven sermons undead. I dream the human figure unnatural fire and undead fire. Book bats fire earth boat body / body without organs open sea. I arise with fire and I dream of having a place in the Book and right away, I become a word shared by eyes and lips. The human hourglass plows fiery ground and shadow white fires, and fires reproduce. Fires reproduce and broadcast secret seed. The seed endures in the actual sign of fire and water, and this elemental covenant swarms secret earth secret tree.)
Correct me if I’m wrong, says Asia, but it seems like your brain is digesting a lot, your style is shifting. That doesn’t happen automatically. Is it shifting? I say. It feels all the same to me. No growth. I’m not perceiving the change in it. Lots of people have told you your writing has changed, says Asia.
I need fire to reproduce Fire arises frequent body resurrections Sermon fire fire sermon city necromancer Soft shell body swells necromancer city slow cain: cain fire crackles car clutch cauldron / collapsed map caldera
Fire arises and secret seed sows sulfur and mercury freed by fire from the dark material that contains them
Fire arises ben body drum dark fire (fire burns my body reproduce desert ash) Ben body dark material ash stash big body burn Ben body burn a woman in trouble: fire troubles film and the film itself dreams Film itself dreams hollywood burns bare bath birds spurts not invisible fire but elemental dark Dark drinks spider dream and scorpion dream Dark dreams insect dream and landscape scrape saw wave arachnids Dark fire digital video sculpts viral pornography / hyperlink hell More things have mapped frequent fire body without fire ben bodies with fire: fires within fires
Fire arises rush shed earth sheets of sound
Fire arises as the first and most subtle element and I reproduce in fire
Visions Of Void
Ben visions the void The void the first void The void the second void Visions the vast void Vast void web woman word void Vast void web word in the beginning was the word woman Vast void web word the far-extended void
Ben void visions the void I extend void face void voice god gallow Vision void fast bark bag body bondage / basketweave great vision crevasse
I crochet glacier ferrous ferret transient lunar phenomena Ferret human flesh fix void unpossessively delightful void
Vision void and vision again void, the void written and rewritten. Vision rewrite void and void rewrites vision. Vision void extends void the engorged void and I double my void stomach and intestines. I risk void. Void written and rewritten extends void risk. I write the void extended and extended into night.
Vision the night: the night negates The night negates night firm void vision Night negates affirm void night Void unnames inscribed tetragrammaton (The hanging night my wife’s hair new midnight Her hair mix midnight silver mine) (Midnight silver mine mix her hair ashen light Silver mine midnight the hanging night the drifting night the moaning night) Now night I inch her name ink star tombstone Now night I hook new her name: her hair hook hole hang
I crochet void glass and glacier chaos terrain Terrain through flesh fastens void to delightful void human flesh
Ben visions the void visible and invisible Void extends void first and second void Void viscous flows first void and second void the vast void Vast void veers vertical in the beginning was the woman void Vast void woman word extends void far visions of void
Rupture Is A Natural Part Of Growth
My wife whose hair birds brush fire number without what
What was between Big Sur whale bone What was between seen sur where whale bone Whale bone hone red hill and her camera clay hem what between
Between what between ben adam. Ben adam between what and without number hones whale bone sharpening stone. Between what stone. Between what between stone ben hinnom. Between what where and number ben adam. Ben between trim when Book: Book language the very human. Between human numberless book and my wife the Book.
I dream the Book as a human figure. I dream the canvas of the Book as a haunted human figure: figure fork fuck shadows curtain syntax. I dream the Book additive ben adam and Adam Christina, a Book cross drift rift dreams.
My wife whose hair birds brush fire number without what Her number without what bird cave mouth moth word (mouth number without what: millipede without what numbers) Taryn tongue twins what numbers and number amber and polished slabs Number without what she takes off on a motorcycle with a Super 8 camera Her numbers neck crane camera radio long delayed echoes
I dream the Book as a human figure: her figure. Her figure floods the flesh of the Book, a book shaped canvas and a book human body. Her figure revives my figure in Book (And the spirit-endowed woman came to me and spoke, saying, Arise, Ben Adam. And when I saw her, I said: It is you who have given me life; you will be called ‘Mother of the Living’. For it is she who is my mother. It is she who is the physician, and the woman, and she has given birth.) I dream the Book additive ben hinnom and Adam Asia: Adam Asia Among Rivers and Adam Asia Among Rhizomes Book drift rift dreams.
I was watching this video about cutting off family members and such, says Asia. I sent it to you not because this is relevant to you but because she brings up this really interesting point about how the natural flow of relationships is rupture and repair and the steps laid out to move forward show how the relationship is valued. I thought you would find that interesting and help you reframe things a bit. Rupture is a natural part of growth. She brought up another interesting point related to the cutting people off part saying that if there is a rupture in the relationship and one of the parties lays out a road map for how to move forward and the other one says “No, I’m not doing that,” the person who says no is the person cutting off the relationship, not the person who made the road map, says Asia.
Numbers without what rupture numbers without what Numbers without what rupture my wife whose hair birds brush fire number without what
Natural flow rupture repair the repair Natural flow rupture the repair steps move forward
Without number flow rupture repair the repair
Without number flow my wife hair birds rupture the steps laid
Rupture is a natural part of growth
Rupture flow camera radio long delay echoes Brain echo long lunar swirls sweat high albedo (high rupture flow delay the steps laid out road map cutting)
What was rupture between: between Big Sur bewilders what (What ruptures bone hone her camera what between) I beware what body cosmic sabbath I begin begin sabbath what habitat her hair turtle whir / Taryn hair whirlpool pack wolves What was body cosmic sabbath and what let the waters swarm with the swarm of living creatures (What let the light the boat grows larger with the Book The boat ruptures large Book without numbers What wet let the light sabbath and I fulfill the sabbath by breaking the sabbath)
Numbers without what ruptures what cosmic sabbath and sabbath antinomian rupture I fulfill the sabbath by breaking the sabbath
I fulfill the sabbath by breaking the sabbath. I fulfill the sabbath by the rupture of the sabbath. Sabbath rupture sabbath without number numberless sabbath. Ruptured sabbath seeds sabbath human one. I human sabbath her turtle hair her wild tortoise hair (be my husband and I’ll be your wife love you for the rest of my life). I fill fulfill full sabbath ruptures the sabbath made for man and not man for the sabbath and I fulfill the sabbath by breaking the sabbath.
I work with the whir of word and it uproots numberless Word uproots and reveals rhizomes and her rhizome wraps inseparable wire from word tree of life and word tree of knowledge
I work with the what of the Book and its blossoms appear on the earth / I work earth surge the waters swarm with the swarm of living creatures
I have a question for you, says Asia. How can an artist be anti-consumerist? Would it be using trash and thrifted items? Would it be making paint and pigment from scratch? she says. One can think of using found objects and appropriation as a radical resource of material from the cultural trash heap, I say. There’s an interesting essay I read awhile ago. It was on Walter Benjamin and his ideas. It postulates that the janitors and those who go through the trash heaps and refuse are a kind of messianic historian. They see raw material and cultural material other people discard and redeem it and reveal it. They reveal a new kind of materialism in the refuse that opens the way to a radical community. So I think of the artist maybe too as a radical materialist. Using material in a way to reclaim its uselessness and simultaneous usefulness. The artist in a way is the “son of man is the lord of the sabbath” – using the principles antithetical to capitalism like rest, space, unproductivity, to show a useless productivity. One of kindness and compassion perhaps. Rupture reveals the multiplicity of the rhizome. Our friendship is multiple and rhizomic, I say. I agree with what you said, says Asia. I think it’s good to think of everything around you as a medium instead of only the things you buy at a craft store. I could probably get gesso and make reclaimed canvases. Using reclaimed fabrics, says Asia.
Philip K. Dick often spoke about trash and the discarded and the ordinary as the secretly holy and divine:
“For me and for mankind a new age is opening in which the holy, expected from the top, so to speak, returns at the bottom, at the trash stratum of the alley, humble and noble, beautiful and suffering and alive and conscious…”
“Christ moves lower and lower, deeper and deeper into the decomposing cosmos, down layer by layer, starting with man. Thus the vision of Christ at and in the trash layer (stratum) is a vision of ultimate and final repair.”
“What I call the “trash stratum” or “debris discarded”; Christ enters world, penetrated it and now is camouflaged as it, dispersed throughout in and becoming steadily stronger.”
I fulfill the sabbath by sorting and receiving sabbath debris: debris discarded and revealed as trash stratum holy spirit
Rupture Rupture radical rescue Rupture go through the trash heaps and refuse (I thought you would find that interesting and help you reframe things a bit, says Asia. Rupture is a natural part of growth. Reframe my own relationships? I say. In our friendship? All relationships including ours, says Asia. A conflict isn’t a flaw or evidence of a mistake, but growing pains, she says.) Rupture radical refuse and residue
My wife whose hair birds brush fire number without what What ruptures what birds trash and refuse
Rupture radios long delay echoes Brain echo lunar swirls sweat high albedo / rupture sweat oil alchemy In rupture and repair, I clothe the stone pit with a bear humerus, a scraper, a core, and some flakes: I offer the grave I offer the grave the grave of human refuse I offer the grave the grave human bone / hollow bone vision and hollow bone rupture (I work with the what of the Book and its blossoms appear on earth / I work earth surge the waters swarm with the swarm of living creatures)
I desecrate the sabbath and destroy its plantings and I plant plain nude rhizome / wire word Tree of Life and Tree of Death metrics in cosmic sabbath
My wife whose hair birds brush fire number without what
What Was Commandment Becomes Prohibited
My wife whose hair birds brush fire
My wife whose hair birds black holes
I whip my hair black hole language and language I whip my hair star cluster sabbath (sabbaths stab mad hatter cosmic sabbaths)
On the cosmic sabbath the tree of life reigns
My wife whose hair birds brush fire burrows cosmic sabbath I explore a long sabbath and I experiment a cosmic sabbath (experiment cosmic sabbath sabbath serpent kontakte) Explore kontakte klang Taryn rhizome (my wife whose hair waterfalls brushfires) I experiment cosmic sabbath serpentcoach chariot / experiment cosmic chariot and cosmic cauldron
I stumble into sabbath, my wife wolf word wolf bird
Stumble black hole submersible submerge sabbath no-hair theorem
On that cosmic sabbath the Tree of Life reigns: not only shall we no longer need to observe the order of the six days, which correspond to the mode of life prescribed in the six orders of the Mishnah, but beyond this everyone who wants to serve God the way he does now will in those days be called a desecrator of the sabbath and a destroyer of the plantings…
I don’t know how much I’ve already said, says Asia, but thinking to how my family operates, especially the ones active in the charismatic spaces, they tend to run off with how they feel about something and call it the holy spirit. Did I tell you the story about my cousin who had really bad eczema and steroid withdrawals? He struggled with really bad eczema most of his life. They got a telehealth appointment with a doctor in California that determined that the steroid cream prescribed to him since he was an infant exasperated his symptoms and he needed to stop using it. He experienced steroid withdrawals for several years; my aunt did too because she was the one who applied it. He had bad rashes all over his body and was home bound because of all the allergies. At some point during this process, he decided if he received baptism on his birthday and dedicated himself to Christ, he would be miraculously healed. So he got baptized, fully believing. Nothing happened. He struggled with it for years afterwards. He’s better now, and some of my relative are now like “he believed and doctors eventually helped him out, so that shows that God is faithful,” says Asia. That’s difficult, I say. I’m sure you remember my struggles with God. I was a prophet of God and my sufferings were necessary to bring about prophecy and such. It took me a long time to get out of that – you saw that for a couple years. It took me a long time to realize I could prophesy without God and without suffering, I say. If god needs suffering to be gloried, then fuck him, says Asia. Fucking cosmic sadist. You and God have beef, I say. Can’t wait until you punch him out.
My wife whose hair birds brush fire My wife whose wolf hair received baptism on her birthday My wife whose hair brushes meadow miraculously heals (Meadow eye shadow short circuit short skirt spiders) My wife whose hair explores sabbath and eye shadow cosmic sabbath
I sabbath fully believing I sabbath nothing happened
I prophet sabbath nothing happened I prophet bring prophecy sabbath without god I prophet cosmic sabbath cosmic sadist I punch prophecy my wife healing baptism
Everyone who wants to serve God the way he does now will in those days be called a desecrator of the sabbath and a destroyer of the plantings… What was commandment becomes downright prohibited… And which had been previously prohibited now not only becomes permissible but considered even holy.
I explore a long sabbath and I experiment a cosmic sabbath The cosmic sabbath sweeps song slow psalm and my body cosmos chasm chasm sabbath hazard
I explore an earth sabbath and a sky sabbath, and the sabbath kingdom of the skies. I unearth sabbath exploration and sabbath cycles excite serpentcoach. I unearth sabbath excess and the cosmic sabbath sweeps song slow psalm. I sing the song sabbath and sabbath cycles serpentcoach circles. My cosmic body unearths a cosmic sabbath, each chasms. Each chasms unearth sabbath hazards.
My wife whose hair brushes meadows (meadow eye shadow short skirt spiders) Her hair spider meadow crawls boxer sabbath and stirring stone sabbath Her hair braids sabbath
I explore tack task tusk tap line tape I tack taste trace live cassette tape tintinnabuli
My wife whose hair birds broad fire finger furnace (be my husband, man, I be your wife, loving you all the rest of my life) (My wild hair stashes earth slash-and-burn. My hair wild stabs stomach fire and the fires of her fingers leave earth unfinished.) My wife whose hair birds whose her hell my wife whole My wife whose hair bangs hourglass holes cut into my bodice (bodice breast bosom: bosom bloom body birch hair) (My breast burns fingers on fire and onto breasts fire. My breast blooms sunflower fire and my wife burns birch hair without being consumed) My wife whose hair brush fire fix some roses and their petals
My wife whose hair explores a long sabbath and a cosmic sabbath
Would you be concerned if I became active in my episcopal church again? I say. No, says Asia. I would be concerned if you started talking about how God abandoned you or anything like that, she says. I don’t have any plans to try and reunite with god. If you see anything concerning you’ll let me know. One thing I really value about our friendship is you’re not afraid to share when you feel I’m going on the wrong path, or if you feel I have bad ideas, I say. But if I go back to my old faith, please kill me, says Asia. I won’t kill you but I will kidnap you, I say.
God abandoned but my wife whose hair hangs relics on fire, the fiery seraphim of apophatic bodies
My wife whose hair fix god abandons My wife whose hair unfixed firmaments and heavens rain rose petals
My wife Christina cinder air waist of an otter caught in the teeth of a tiger
I explore a long sabbath Christina and Christina cinders, and cinders smolder an antinomian sabbath. I explore my long body and long hair as sabbath and the hazard of my body disintegrates soda pop (this soda pop punches out god). I explore a long sabbath without god and I invent the cosmic sabbath. I participate in the long sabbath which doubles as my spinal cord. My spinal cord spirals in the cycles of sabbath.
My body cosmos klangs chasm I tack chasm tap trail time tape I tack taste trace time cassette tape tintinnabuli I trace cassette contortion and I squirm long time time length (There were nine floors in Gehenna There were twenty-nine floors in Helheim There were two hundred and sixty-four floors in Tartarus) My wife whose hair cassette tape cusp cusp look look light and light lattices large sunflowers At cusp, cosmic sabbath and from the second Elohim until the third, five words appear / from the second sabbath until the third sabbath serpentcoach sponge conch conch chasm spiral nautilus shell shell chasm chasm cassette cusp I strafe spirals and cosmic sabbath and sabbath silo swarms locust grain / grasshopper gods
My wife Christina cinder air waist of an otter caught in the teeth of Taryn My wife her mouth word bright cockade cave peacock locusts Her cave mouth moth word bright millipede Mouth millipede mass wasp and word cockade with a fragrance of a star of the first magnitude
God abandons but I strafe spirals and cosmic sabbath (What was commandment becomes downright prohibited. Acts which had been previously prohibited now not only become permissible but are even considered holy.) God abandons but my wife Christina cinder cinder cicadas
What was wails number number from what word light What was number word hidden word walk insect network and I name insect with camera I name insect cave mouth and her mouth (her cave mouth with word bright millipedes Her mouth millipede wasp word cockade with the fragrance of a star of the first magnitude) I name insect with a camera obscura projected onto a pewter plate thinly coated with bitumen of Judah (I worship numberless insects. I worship insects with what and with number and her name blossoms appear on the earth earth.)
So my aunt – the same one I had a confrontation with – used to tell me all the time how Eve was deceived and how women were inherently more gullible than men and that’s why women shouldn’t be in charge but I don’t think she actually believes that, says Asia. How come you think she doesn’t believe that? I say. The way they act shows that it’s not that they believe they are incapable, but that they do not want to be accountable for their feelings and actions. They are free not to think about why they do what they do or the consequences of their actions because they have been relieved from the responsibility, says Asia. I can see that, I say. A rejection of that existential responsibility by deferring it onto a scapegoat. I like how the New Testament often rejects that narrative though. Mary Magdalene’s nickname is literally “The Apostle to the Apostles” in church history. Not to mention “Junia prominent among the apostles.” I think you’re onto something though. There’s something insidious about those kind of theologies… I remember a quote from Slavoj Zizek. He said God makes law impossible. God can command believers to bomb abortion clinics and to hatred and other deplorable things because God makes it holy for the believer. There’s a suspension of responsibility and even morality under God, I say.
What was commandment becomes downright prohibited. Acts which had been previously prohibited now not only become permissible but are even considered holy.
I prophesy Eve and Woman: KRYSXTRYN and Asia Rhizome (And Adam saw that woman beside him. And in that moment, the luminous Epinoia appeared, and she lifted the veil which lay over his mind. And he became sober from the drunkenness of darkness. And he recognized his counter-image, and he said “This is indeed bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh.”). I prophesy woman and the monomania of the Book reveals women and women without god.
Her cave mouth moth word prophesies what number and her number. Her numberless mouth map word cockade with the fragrance of a star of the first magnitude (my surreal body unseats stars) Star unseats body unsettled arcade
My wife whose hair prophesies Eve the counter-image of ben adam
My wife whose hair prophesies Taryn’s tongue amber and polished slabs My wife whose hair hangs Taryn’s tongue thin train torso doll eyes that open and shut (she takes off on a motor-cycle with a Super 8 camera)
I Crawl Inside The Lights
She lights the lights The bridegroom moves to her The tree of life is upside down The sun The illumination of the bride Whose light is Sarah
I listen light I listen her light repeated desert lights and repeated lights pit pit my body I listen light slice slow light: light repeats rhizome slice repetition I repeat lights and I light in light model body modal: modal middle light languages and listen
She lights the lights / my wife whose hair birds brush fire My wife whose hair birds brush fire / my wife wolf bird hair brush reasons My wife word wolf bird whose hair brushes meadows
I listen light and light sounds silence
I listen to this light and light only sounds silence. I experiment with silence and I contemplate silent light: light silence and space silence. I listen quiet light and silent light and I experiment the how: different kinds of silence and how to express silence in writing. Space in writing: space space space and space. The space reads as silence and doesn’t read as silence but the light seeps through as more concentrated light. An inconsistent silence but this is where time becomes space and space springs silence. Space springs silence and space sprouts silence. Silence spool silence spools speed many silences multidirectional: I am the process of discovering all variations of silence.
I listen her light repeating light and lights and lights repeat the pit of my body I listen lights sleep low lights slice low lights: lights repeat rhizome light slicing repetitions I repeat light and I listen light model body modal mixolydian: model meddles lydian light languages and listen
I listen light I listen at alarm slice lights eye inside I listen inside lights whose light is Sarah / listen inside lights who light is Christina
There’s something about lights: there’s something about these lights and in these lights, and I crawl inside the lights. Lights swarm around my eyes mothlight and it penetrates my eyes backwards towards the light. I hallucinate lights a silent melancholy. I hand happen from these lights and there’s something in these lights (the burden of my body). I have visions of lights and the lights sprawl lilith light silence and space. The space of the lights burrow my skull burrows for the ending of time.
She lights the lights my wife whose hair birds brush fire My wife word wolf bird whose hair brushes meadows (her lights brush meadow eye shadow short skirt spider skipping stone) Spider meadow crawl boxes brawl brain canal (lights enter my brain canal and steal a tangled nest of neurons) Braid brain canal body cask chew Chew cud cranium uranium
She lights the lights, and I listen inside light whose light is Sarah and I say Sarah show light light large local I listen local light holy spirit search light spotlight splatter The illumination of the bride splatters illuminated manuscript sarah scriptures
She lights the lights mothlight lanterns or unleveled lanterns (This light looks at her light: Christina light This light looks like her light: Christina light and she here her light She here her light gone from me but gone and she remains to illuminate these pages I miss Christina but she continues to light the lights I swim among her lights: cassette towers her lake of lights) She lights the lights Christina’s lights but not only her lights
My wife whose hair birds broad fire finger furnace My wife whose hair hangs hourglass holes cut into my bodies (body breasts bosom: bosom bloom body birch hair) My wife whose hair brush fire fixes some model as their phantoms My wife Christina cinder her waist of an otter caught in the teeth of a tiger My wife her mouth word bright cockade cave peacock locusts
She lights the lights: Christina’s light but not only her lights. Her lights loosen her lights among the lights of the tree of life. I miss Christina and she lights the lights. I miss Christina but she lights the lights (Female Shaman give birth to spirit children Female Shaman give birth to ben adam Female Shaman give birth to spirit children). I miss Christina and her tasmanian tigers congregate with great auks and ivory-billed woodpeckers.
I feel disconnected. Disconnected and without connection as a dead landline. I tear out the payphone from the wall. I feel disconnected and I often do not see the lights. Sometimes the lights peak through and the lights disconnect me from the with-the-lights. Without the lights I miss Christina and with the lights I miss Christina. I inhabit the lights and I miss Christina.
I inhabit the lights I inhabit the lights habitation wooden crate is a nameless territory
I inhabit herma heat I herma heats or hydra hell: habitation Cecil Hotel I slip hull habitation marriage of heaven and hell I inhabit hull hades St. James Infirmary and St. James Hotel I haste towards forward front and middle ground build up in the areas of green, yellow and blue Blue habitation annihilates total carnage carnations and tulips Habitat hover the rear female figure flush area yellow blue I hit habitat hive sulfur and brimstone ben hinnom / hit heat habitat honeybees I scratch hive as fork and gloves
She lights the lights low light and low lake / lake loon lacunae in my skull
She lights lancet canvas translucent lights leeched broad blood or body self-portrait (I have all my subjects to hand. I go back and look at them. I take notes. Then I go home. And before I start painting, I reflect, I dream.)
I reflect fugitive metafiction I find fruit light lent light repetition I find new light repetition temporary television reruns
I find new light repetition temporary television reruns. I feel reruns and I feel rerun and I rewrite the rerun Andy Warhol (Before I was shot, I always thought that I was more half-there than all-here – I always suspected that I was watching TV instead of living life. People sometimes say that the way things happen in movies is unreal, but actually it’s the way things happen in life that’s unreal. The movies make emotions look so strong and real, where and when things really do happen to you, it’s like watching television – you don’t feel anything. Right when I was being shot and ever since. I knew that I was watching television. The channels switch but it’s all television.). Today is my birthday (so this is the new year and I don’t feel any different). Today is my birthday and I turn 40, and I feel my birthday as television. I feel disconnected and I feel rerun. I recall when I was in the nursing program and Christina bought me the three disc CD set of Julius Eastman’s music “Unjust Malaise.” Christina permeates through my life whether present or absent (Spoiler alert: Christina and I reconciled. She contacted me three days ago and we’ve been talking since. The total gap without Christina: 9 months. However, it will be a long time before I write about it in the Book. I owe to my past self to properly record the full process of my grief and distress. My reconciliation with Christina makes my life feel more surreal and hyperreal, not more real. I feel reruns and I feel birthday television. I turn 40 and I reconcile with Christina and I watch television reruns.)
I find new light repetition temporary television reruns I rerun television light-emitting diode repeat double dream I repeat double dream desert televisions double dragon Television reruns last all summer long
She lights the lights / my wife whose hair birds brush fire My wife whose hair birds brush fire / my wife wolf bird hair brush reasons My wife word wolf bird whose hair brushes meadows
I listen light I listen her light repeated desert lights and repeated lights pit pit my body I listen light slice slow light: light repeats rhizome slice repetition I repeat lights and I light in light model body modal: modal middle light languages and listen
She lights the lights The bridegroom moves to her The tree of life is upside down The sun The illumination of the bride Whose light is Sarah
I Need To Play
I play: I play now now names and numbers, and numbers babel brick apocalypse
I need to play and fuck around now names and numbers, and numbers annihilate numbers
“He plays all the notes Bird missed,” somebody whispered in front of Fu. Fu went silently through the motions of breaking a beer bottle on the edge of the table, jamming it into the speaker’s back and twisting.
I need to play and I play: I play all the names and numbers Bird missed (missed cuckoo rollers missed fernwrens missed leafbirds)
I play swim sing striped texts: texts torture gardens I play sing swim trade text theft (skeletons of black-footed ferrets and prairie dog articulated to show the predator-prey relationship between them) I play new sounds sound glass stem harmolodics / funk flesh sting skull scales I search for new sounds city with a slouch hat: my hat slack attracts gnats Gnats stash god knick-knacks slow slash whiplash
I know I need to play and I play all the notes Bird missed I play and I fuck around now names and numbers, and numbers leafbird brick apocalypse Numbers add bird babel apocalypse and text eschaton taryn immediates (opening and mystery always already involves play and humorous heteroglossia) I play Ornette Coleman: a mood, fragments of melody, an area of pitch and rhythmic patterns
I love music. I listen to as much music as possible. Music soothes and inspires me and the process of writing the Book not only participates in visionary intuition and revelation, but also in musical improvisation and musical developing variations. I vary vision and I improvise on apocalypse. I love music and I study more and more music, and melodies and harmonic structures permeate the Book. Music plays infinitude and Book improvises infinitude.
I play and I play all the notes Bird missed I play Ornette Coleman: a mood, fragments of melody, an area of pitch, and rhythmic patterns I play punctuated repetition punctuated equilibrium rhythm changes I change or charge rhythm syncopated sigil or river hexes hexes I charge flow rhythm detailed delta / union of the upper and lower nile I fuck around an incessant jazz or inconsistently consistent funk My face fractal cuts fierce funk fire space shuttle My face on fire fissures surgical space and scalpel this is where time becomes space
I play harmolodic: polyphonic with the rhythm and harmony I play harmolodic marriage of heaven and hell: unisons overlap melody underneath and further underneath melodies and rhythms beyond the barline
I need to play and I search for new sounds city with a sleuthing hat: my hat stacks unnamed gnats Gnats stash gods knock knock who’s there slasher film whiplash
(A Poet a Painter a Musician an Architect: the Man or Woman who is not one of these is not a Christian You must leave Fathers and Mothers and Houses and Land, if they stand in the way of Art)
Did you say what you thought about my poem? I say. It as nice but I think some sentence or phrase variation here and there would have helped solidify things, says Asia. Lots of fragmented phrased tied together. I will work on it, I say. It’s been a long time since I have written poetry. I have to make the poems out of a uniform cloth and uniform language… I may rewrite the poem entirely and include it in the Book in Book form. I would like to be more modular in my approach to writing and rewriting. I will give you an example from music regarding the composer Wolfgang Rihm: “He sometimes revised or adapted his finished work. For example, in 1992 he completely rewrote Ins Offene… for orchestra (1990) and used it as the basis for his piano concerto Sphere (1994). Then he recast the piano part of Sphere to recreate Nachstudie for solo piano (1994). In 2002, he wrote Sphäre Nachstudie (a new version of Nachstudie) for harp, two double basses, piano, and percussion, as well as Sphäre um Sphäre (a new version of Sphere) for two pianos and chamber ensemble.” I would like to take the same texts and write them anew with different visions and new experiences, like how Rihm used a composition as a jumping off point for various recontextualizations, I say. Would someone have to read all the poems together? says Asia. No, I don’t think so. I think it goes along with what you were saying before about making the blog posts more self-contained. They’re self-contained and can be read separate although reading them together does reveal an additional thing, I say.
I know I need to play and I play long line loom long line letter opener I open letter light word lead I swim long line play stitch slough straw slow word: word played slow line long ligament (I sledge ligament intense insects / I slip wasp vibrato striker sword or serpent spear) Spear sticks rough and reed rhythms
I search for a new sound and a new music and the language of the Book makes new music. I meditate on the Book melody and its variations of its melodic fragments. I listen to the work “Mantra” by Karlheinz Stockhausen for two ring-modulated pianos, crotales, and wood blocks, and his use of “formula composition” continues to intrigue me. “The mantra has thirteen notes and each cymbal sound occurring once in a piece indicates large sections.. though the mantra recur constantly, the structure of the composition is not a theme and variations because the material is never varied, only expanded and contracted (both in duration and pitch) to different degrees; not a single note is ever added and it is never accompanied or embellished.” I study formula composition and I apply its techniques to the Book. Formula fucks around with expanding and contracting the sentence and stanza. (I know I need to play. I know [expansion] I need [expansion] to play [expansion].) Stockhausen attached to each note a certain characteristic – e.g. “The fifth note having a slow tremolo between F and D” and particular dynamics and durations attached to each pitch – e.g. fortissimo dynamic always played with a quarter note duration. I contemplate adding characteristics to letters or words or grammatical functions – or I abandon this idea like I abandon every other idea – a one-off experiment never to be used again.
I know I need to play and I play rough rhythms river redder sea Reed rhythm cuts firm figure (my wife whose hair birds brush fire)
I know I need to play (While he and his musicians suddenly create every sudden textual shift themselves, without technological assistance, his guides are the splice, the jump cut, the video edit – not to mention the jack-in-the-box and its more sinister relatives in fun houses and horror movies. In his music, coherence is barely more than propinquity; one sound or style simply doesn’t predict the next)(Propinquity: noun. The state of being close to someone or something; proximity. Close kinship.)
I know I need to play: I play now names and numbers (The thirteen cycles of the composition are based on the 23 notes of the mantra and the 13 characters detailed above. Each cycle is dominated by its corresponding note and characteristic. In this way, a single statement of the mantra notes are not incorporated into this overall plan.)
I need to play and I play: I play all the names and numbers Bird missed (missed cuckoo rollers missed fernwrens missed leafbirds)
I need to play and fuck around now names and numbers, and numbers annihilate numbers
I play: I play now now names and numbers, and numbers babel brick apocalypse
I Too Write Embarrassing
I read criticism of Taylor Swift’s lyrics on her record The Tortured Poets Department as cringe and embarrassing but I rather enjoy them because I too write cringe and embarrassing The spiral nautilus shell becomes a recording studio for chamber pop I synthesize all summer in a day horned desert cat devil details
I too write embarrassing I lose my intensity: intensities, passions, flows I lost my vision and visions but I search for intensities
Here is a film that I made out of deep grief. The grief is my business in a way but the grief was helpful in squeezing the little film out of me, that I said, “These crazy moths are flying into the candlelight and burning themselves to death, and that’s what’s happening to me. I don’t have enough money to make these films, and… I’m not feeding my children properly, because of these damn films, you know. And I’m burning up here… What can I do?” I’m feeling the full horror of some kind of immolation in a way.
I write embarrassing and I’m burning up in here. I write embarrassing, and I’m burning myself to death and I don’t know how to grieve. Asia might be right – too raw, too real. I don’t know how to transform this grief into Mothlight or Book of Job vision intensities. I only feel this mess, this heap of inadequate language, this unshaped chunk of language that can’t convey or carry the intensity of this mourning…
I write embarrassing mess meander oxbow meadow grieving I fist fuck with the infinity gauntlet absurd nonsense
I write embarrassing and I only know how to make but how do I make anything from this unclosed grief. How can I create anything out of this empty language nothing frustration tumor fistula (tetragrammaton is a tumor / tetragrammaton sizes holy spirit stabbings)
I write embarrassing and I listen to “Death Is Real” by Mount Eerie: Death is real / Someone’s there and then they’re not / And it’s not for singing about / It’s not for making it into art / When real death enters the house all poetry is dumb… Phil Elverum is right: death is not for turning into art or poetry but I have to do something with this grief – do I even call it grief? Is this death yea walk through the valley of the shadow of death? Yesterday I felt Christina alive and I had unseen hope I would reconcile with her but today, I feel the Kindred heavy dead and I feel no hope. I do not knot hope for impossible Kindred resurrection or bodily resurrection and this time my Christ stays in the tomb – I wish I could stay in the tomb too. I want to stay in the tomb and I want my won death as the very real but I go back to the room and write. I still try to sing this (uncertain) death of Christina and this (certain) death of the Kindred and I try to make this death and art and poetry.
I write this embarrassing too and I have to do something with this mess decoherence no ears only drums I drum big fuck death in the desert I drum double multidirection, big dick death fuck funk desert funk flag fact fuck I want to write with the vision and intensity of Mothlight or the slow tension-without-release of Dmitri Shostakovitch’s String Quartet No. 15 (On June 3, Glikman visited Shostakovitch who had completed the quartet: “I don’t know how good it is, but I had some joy in writing it.”). I find some release in this writing. I write embarrassing too and I write a rind wild relief from my old wineskin or husk.
I too write cringe and embarrassing and I grieve in the writing I write in the meander of grief almost-death or unknown as death, and its entirety vomits absurd
Vowel Reveals Experiments
I reveal vowel experiment and vowel experimental I reveal vowel and repeat vowel howl her experiment Reveal vowel roll wild her experimental (reveal ben body nonretrogradable rhythms)
I reveal vowel who and where vision I reveal who experiment the where of her vision reveal reverb (I feel the floating flood of color vision / tetragrammaton color television smothers umber underneath)
Book always reveals whether with or without god: Book reveals Who and Her who whether with or without Christina. Book reveals the revealing of the reveal: radio waves visible light, gamma rays, Philip K. Dick’s impossible pink light. Book reveals god and not-god and Christina and not-Christina. The revealing of the revelation is the text and scripture of the Book itself.
I might have told you this story, but when I was in college, I suffered the worst depression of my life. I lost about 15 pounds, lived on pop tarts, and didn’t go to class or work. I was in my apartment and watching the Thrilla In Manila on ESPN Classic and I was struck by God. I experienced the Divine Nothingness and felt the Infinite Darkness that Pseudo-Dionysius talks about. Since then I have loved God with my whole being, even when he has shot me full of spiritual arrows or struck me like Job or Jeremiah.
(I don’t know the provenance of this version of the Rumble In the Jungle Ben-Myth. I found it in a notebook with the possible source as “08/12/21 – in conversation with Asia?” but further research shows it was not in conversation with Asia. Strange I wrote I watched Thrilla In Manila but the earliest versions of this myth call it “The Rumble in the Jungle”, ostensibly after the fight I was watching before the experience. Evidence that remembering invents and experiences anew.)
I sometimes still love god although the god abandoned me to apocalypses. The god leaves me to abaddon and apollyon yet continue to prophesy. I sometimes still love the god and I wake and feel the fell of dark, not day.
I feel fall dark fell door deep: door duke of earl twelve bar blues, the dead body (ben dead body the dusk in us strange supernal darkness) Super dark speculation pours dark spells Super dark reveals draw vowel rumble in the jungle: ben body boxer puncher pop hardcore punk and splatterpunk jungle dark Boxer puncher pop dark apocalypse now / heart of darkness dip or dream heat I box dark drop draw desk and my body blue veil flip vowel vertigo vision (brawl curtain draw sprawl)
I reveal vowel experience or vowel experimental Reveal ben body nonretrogradable rhythm body reveal dark Body reveal dark reverb
I reveal vowel experimental electric can opener vision Vision vowel electromagnetism electromagnetic dark equilibrium (vision bites palindrome time thick) Electric vision immediate intensities sharpen vision open other can mushroom
I reveal vowel my god my god why have you forsaken me I box dead air radio static dry analog television signal
I reveal experimental vowel and I make my myth with god and I make my myth without god I reveal deep vowel and my myth smacks slap face god unfaced: facet face handaxe face to face I love the god faceless foam refrigerator hum / body noise reduction
I was talking to my best friend yesterday about how I want to write with absolute multiplicity, not a fragmentation – which according to A Thousand Plateaus serves to unite it to an upper dimensional totality – but to write a true network without beginning or end. But I told my friend I also realized with my connection to the Godhead, I cannot write true multiplicity – no matter how apophatic or mystical – because it always goes back to the totalizing Godhead. So my solution is perhaps – I’m still working on this – is to make the Elohim truly Elohim – let us become all gods, let us become all divine beings, and make a truly flat anarchic ontology, fully flat horizontal relations everywhere, the divine immanence sprouting everywhere, multiply…
The Death of God opens the absolute anarchic and the (in)completely multiple (multiplicity never completed – multiplicity never concluded – multiplicity unending and perpetual processes) (I do not prophesy a literal death of god – god lives without me and I live without god – but god dies in my soul-state-body-being and I prophesy this personal death. I prophesy this personal death as the mustard seed and catalyst for a new anarchic creative community – a kingdom of god within you and surrounding you.)
I reveal vowel now night nacht next now night: now night visions vision retrograde nocturne Vowel reveals nacht nail night awhile near nigh night and I name night vision and my vision vowel black
Vowel reveals number without what Number without what when numbers now Vowel what now night number without what What night now without negations or midnights now numbers (my nude body without organs my naked body without numbers) (my body what beware numbers without organs)
I arrange and rearrange the vowels and numbers, and the vowels rest at the numbered, and the vowels rest at the unnumbered vertexes. I arrange the numbers primed with vowels as a directed graph. I direct vowels towards the valley of the shadow of death, and vowels double direction number without what multidirectional.
Vowel reveals number without what Vowel reveals my revealing vowel experiment and her vowel who Vowel reveals number without what her experiment I reveal vowel experiment and her vowel who reveals
Vision and Mysticism 