Call me no longer Naomi, call me Mara, for Shaddai has dealt bitterly with me, and Shaddai has brought calamity upon me
Call me mara: mix modular mara brick bitter Call me mara: mara bitter burst blast blues Mix mara remix minimal platypus plate tectonics (Taryn tectonics plate electroplate flat tooth lithosphere. Taryn tectonics mix twisted metal sweet tooth tectonics and Taryn mara. Taryn extrapolates twist and shout dances for mara plate repetition. She insists it’s not filler but exploration.) Mara explore repetition and remix Mara I move more space: I mine space more mara minimum momentum
Call me Mara for Shaddai has dealt bitterly with me Mix mara remix mara you may confidently serve me snow I serve snow snow in water: through the potency of snow in water emerged slime
Shaddai has dealt bitterly with me and I mourn Christina bitter. I remember Christina bittersweet chocolate and I disappear in desert (appear abide desert desert array appear abide desert apple and in apparition and in beaten apparitions, more desert). I mourn Christina bittersweet chocolate and in between her apparitions, more desert. I dream her desert bitter twisted metal and I use the metal to construct automatons that twist and shout and I live no sabbath but only mara and desert mara. I mourn Christina mara and her desert mara metal dreams and apparitions.
Call me Mara for Shaddai has dealt bitterly with me Mara appear abide desert desert array Mara appear abide desert apple in an apparition and in between apparitions, more desert Mara appear abide desert shadows bow black shade shade bodies without organs Appear shade mara desert slate rain shadow black rainbows (I bow desert body without organs poised like a spider on its web observing nothing)
Call me mara: mixed snow snow mara milk alchemy / alchemy mixed mara mysterious composition of water I cook my name Mara in the chaos of waters: Christina chaos chaos apparitions more desert
Call me mara and I cook my name Mara mystery of snow and slime I agitate waters from the elements of the lower worlds
I cook the waters mara, waters confused and undigested mass, and my names twist waters into metals My names stew water mass bewildered mara betwixt wild witches Wild witches bitches brew bone broth: mara snow in water snow in blood (people say you can’t wash away the mud of this world with pure white snow: you need asura snow stained fiery red)
I hurt today, I say. I have difficulty understanding why Christina would abandon our relationship for so long. She didn’t abandon your relationship, says Asia. That’s what I’m trying to tell you – she did it to find herself. It’s not personal – she just needed that space. It might still hurt regardless, she says. I don’t understand it, I say. We haven’t talked in 6 months. I think I can say she abandoned it. But it’s not a reflection of you, says Asia. It’s a reflection of where she is and where she wants to be. I’m not ben without her, I say. Pretty sure you are, says Asia.
Call me mara: I stain my hair beware fiery red (my wife whose hair birds brush fires) My wife whose hair birds brush fires / be my husband and I’ll be your wife My wife whose hair birds brush fire begins my body bereshit My Book body begins with nebulae, statistical wholes bewares (my known body my body ben X ben name ben blurred body blurred word)
Call me mara her hair bird branch fire blues firebrand free jazz (ben X fire music macrocosm) My body blurs bartender tetragrammaton (my grammar grasps gut magic and my face shatters into molecular partial objects)
This name Ben bears the desert apparition as much as the body Ben. My name and body continue to live in the desert apparitions. I look and my hair stained red repeats alchemy experiments and hair doubles as an alembic. My mara body appears unknown and I am like a man who looks at his natural face in the mirror and once I have looked at myself and gone away, I immediately forget what kind of person I am. This name Ben bears the desert apparitions as microphone the body ben.
Call me mara for my body begins partial and partials; I bow partial multiplicities marvel bone marrow mixolydian My body mara and X improvises basking shark mixolydian, and the narrator’s lips draw nearer to her cheek
Can I ask you a weird question? I say. What makes ben “ben”? Like what would you describe as fairly constant ben characteristics that make up ben? I say. Ben is you, says Asia. Who am I though? Am I any good? Is ben any good? Why not? says Asia. Ben is ben. You can’t sum up anyone as “good”. What does that even mean? she says. Worthy of having friends, worthy of living and existence, I say. I watched this video last nice by Special Books for Special Kids from about 3 years ago. The video is entitled "Visiting my schizoaffective friend after his forced psychiatric stay". The friend in the title is a guy named Daniel Nepveux who suffers from PTSD and schizoaffective disorder. I want to share some of the things he said in that video: "It's really hard for people to get their love through to you. Because you've blocked yourself off so much because everything hurts all the time. And so even though people say that they love me it rarely gets through... I couldn't reconcile that people actually people care about me... You've alienated yourself to where completely on your own and you have to try and rebuild friendships and relationships and it's all out of fear... It's all out of a fear you're not good enough for them and they don't want to be friends with you anyways. So why waste their time?" Then why are you asking if you are good enough? says Asia. I’m going to stop talking about this because I feel really frustrated that I’m not able to communicate this, I say. I don’t know how I can say it or convey it clearer. How can I say it clearer? Never mind then, says Asia. No, tell me. No, I don’t want to engage if you are going to react this way, she says. I’m going to go step by step, I say. I don’t feel loved by other people. I feel a lot of hurt all the time. I don’t feel people care for me and because of that it’s difficult for me to engage with others. Because I feel it’s difficult for me to engage with others, I don’t feel I’m good enough to be friends with anyone, I say. I don’t like answering questions like “am I good,” says Asia. I don’t like being asked that question. I don’t quantify people like that. I don’t put people in boxes like “good” or “bad”, says Asia. I asked you because I don’t feel good enough, I say. I don’t feel “ben” is good. Ben is bad, I say. What, I’m just sitting here thinking that you are a terrible person and hating your guts and I’m just pretending to get along with you? she says. I’m not entirely sure, I say. I think it’s more like: “I don’t feel loved by Asia. She does all these actions for me, but I don’t feel it. I don’t feel assured of it. That must make me a bad friend and a bad person. I’m not worthy of her love because I don’t feel assured of it,” I say. Bad is equally as harmful as good as a category, says Asia. One leaves too much room for failure, and the other leaves no room for success, says Asia.
Call me Mara, for Shaddai has dealt bitterly for me Mara my wife whose hair birds brush fire Her hair bird branch fire firebrand free jazz / fire music macrocosm Fire music mara mixed and remixed Fire music mixes milk mercury her black hole black hair Hair black honey bee ben fermented body Ben body no transition
Speech Sprawls Duration
Speech sprawls duration non-duration
Speech sprawl sprechstimme tungsten tongues of fire
Hermetic speech pool nail sprawl duration non-duration
I speak speech sprawl and I sprawl knot pike (I wanted to commingle with a playing style that could be interpreted as inept or clumsy even, to have the feeling of deliberate paucity of means as well as openness) I speak compact sprawl and open sprawl: a low density sprawl
Low density speech spore compact Open my inept speech and I speak clumsy clang: I clang tungsten cataclysm schism tongue schism
My speech speeds through speech but turn my speech slows. My speech slows over spore networks: my speech slows between fungal colonies and liminal lichen. I pronounce mossy forests slower and slower. I stumble over my speech clumsy and immediately my language pools gospel of mark. I speak slowly in clumsy sea and then he got into the boat with them and the wind ceases. I interpret the boat and sea and simultaneous forest and I prophesy utterly astounded.
Speech sprawls duration non-duration Speech slaps immediate desert and this desert pools funk simultaneous sea Speech stripe letter spike pole strip stench stretch the Yod letters I touch the letter now I touch the letter / I kiss the speech now I kiss the speech I kiss the letter how I kiss the letter translating material between forms
I kill the letter how I kill the letter translating material between forms I betray the letter a tenth circle of Inferno I translate and betray text to text and speech to speech, and each word defers to another word wilderness I move material to material between wild bitters and bitter speech letters
Call me no longer Naomi, call me Mara, for Shaddai has dealt bitterly with me, and Shaddai has brought calamity upon me
Shaddai has dealt bitterly with me and I drive to desert speech. I drive towards speech from speech, the nail pool sprawl Shaddai of mossy speech. I translate moss materials to bitter desert materials, the same speech sprawl.
I drive to desert and drive at desert double speech I drive desert derive faucet drip and my body drips desert desert helium / drive helium ben hinnom
Desert pool drill real body rhizome: desert pool nail dusk daze art deco dodecahedron I speech desert pool double desert sunflowers Double sun desert endures sun locusts duration non-duration (I enclose locusts large room river barbed wire Ben barbed wire tight rope walk) Desert speech sprawl sprechstimme sunflowers I pray speech desert desolation
You and the people around you make your life worth living, says Asia. You writing is a way to process, communicate, and make meaning, she says.
I drive to desert and desert scriptures speak to me: gnostic catacombs communicate El Shaddai calamity I drive desert double sun locusts (I trap locusts speech tackle box barbwire I wire helicopters black box braid radiation rotors radiate alpha decay / radium raptor cycloids or desert speech circumference) Speech pool nail barbed wire radio: speech radio receives five human skull signals I signal barbed wire ben hinnom pool solar anus
El Shaddai has dealt bitterly with me, and I desire to abandon Book and make my permanent shelter in desert. I want to Book abandon and I live John the Baptist wilderness. The Book does not exist without Christina. The Book without Christina doesn’t exist as Book: not the Book as old as fire and water onto Book Human of equal length to the Book God but the Book bitter barren (Christina I miss you; it’s hard to prophesy without her).
I drive to desert distance to Christina and I live John the Baptist ben hinnom and burnt offering (I appear in the desert proclaiming a baptism of repentance for the forgiveness of sins).
I got a kid in one of my coteach classes and he isn’t out or anything but comes across as closeted, says Asia. And it’s none of my business, but he left behind some binders and a letter he wrote quoting Ephesians and telling God he was sorry. It breaks my heart. I don’t know if I should say anything to him. I don’t want to tell him what to believe but I don’t want him using theology to flog himself and feel like he has to beg God for forgiveness just for being the way he is. The kid is also ADHD and always getting in trouble so that could be a factor in feeling like he had to apologize, she says. That’s tough, I say. Maybe you don’t have to say anything specifically about that, but just reassure him, like, hey you’re OK. Like you don’t need to apologize for who you are and I see you trying, I say. Yeah, says Asia. I was thinking of something like that or maybe saying something like “If god made you the way you are then he knows who you are and still loves you.” Something. I don’t want him walking around hating himself and thinking god hates him. That’s not a good place to be mentally and that’s a heavy burden for a kid, says Asia. That might not be a bad thing, I say. It’s a delicate situation. I feel I have been in that place before, I say.
Speech sprawl duration non-duration / for this duration, call me Mara for Shaddai has dealt bitterly with me and Shaddai has brought calamity upon me Bitter I appear in the desert little black dress I appear in the wilderness heretic word walk language antinomian controversies
I appear speech sprawl duration non-duration I appear in desert apparition apple orchard (Catch us in the foxes the little foxes that damage the vineyards for our vineyards are in bloom) I appear in desert and bloom ben hinnom Appear bodies without organs cut chemist megamix (I sample like a gazelle or young stag upon the rugged mountain) I appear in desert so I’ll cherish the old rugged cross until my trophies at least I lay down
I appear in speech and speech descends into desert durations and non-durations. Speech appears in my body scripture and rupture, and I rhyme words mara Elohim bara new desert creation.
Pursuing An Unconditional Relationship
He whose name is YH-Sheen-WH, that is, YHWH in action, wants to and must deeply descend into the world
Yah ha hack contrabassoon bloom bloom swiss army knife bantam pattern Yah ha hatch haste harsh noise noise harsh abstract expressionism Yod Hay half halve horn hang hook: hook name names renewal rhythm and negative dart hell Noise negative (there negation and there contrary: negation destroyed to redeem the contrary)
I scour through the negation sour and I sour the source of the Book. I negate the Book or I attempt to negate the Book despite the Book throwing rumble in the jungle and brawl in montreal. I name the Book negative and I distort the Book through noise, and to box the Book is to box my body. Book doubles my body and I negate my body and my body’s negation of the negation names Yah yonder the crickets shall not hear it. I betray my Body Book and it blossoms wrong contrabassoon, the very base material of my body (Beware the skeleton with creeping flesh that arises from the dead! More frightening than Frankenstein! More dreaded than Dracula! THE CREEPING FLESH)
He whose name is YHWH in action She whose name is KRYSXTRYN abstract expressionism Her name negates his name and reveals the hermetic her name (creeping flesh feminine)
Can I ask why you unconditionally care for me? I say. Because you are my friend, says Asia. That’s a pretty good reason, I say. I am glad I am your friend. I am glad I am your friend too, says Asia. What does it mean to unconditionally care for me? I say. You tell me first, she says. My unconditional care for you means I accept you fully as you are and who you will become. It means I trust you and I’m honest with you without try to hurt you intentionally. It means I consider your feelings even when they are contrary to my own, I say. I agree with that, says Asia. I have a new take on it. There isn’t truly such a thing as 100% unconditional relationships. But people who pursue unconditional relationships are in agreement that they are equals and will treat each other as humans and with respect. You work to understand each other and support each other and pick up the slack if others are not able, she says. Yeah, I think so, I say. It’s a process and continual activity, I say. I say not truly unconditional because if one party tries to tip the scales or violates boundaries then that relationship can’t work, says Asia. So technically there are conditions but it’s not built on the other person’s preconceived expectations, but on shared trust and respect, she says.
The name of the Book is the name of action: her name in action She acts on my flesh creeping feminine and my body book ferments the wine of the name Her name disintegrates name, the numbered book body (my Body Book blasts abstract expressionist god graffiti: Yah ha hack wall and holy spirit subways)
The name Asia speaks the nexus of the Book: Asia Rhizome Asia Rainforest Asia Among Rivers Asia With Weevils Asia as name hacks ha Yah counterpoint contrabassoon (a loon to soon blossoms bantam patterns)
The earth core of the Book prophesies Benjamin and Asia. The volcanic viscera of the Book offers oracles of the friendship of Benjamin and Asia. The names of Benjamin and Asia renew noise and the god noise snaps haste time. Faster time tears into my flesh feminine and my name jams fucked up horn free jazz. My names improvise a negative space where Asia invades the Book and constructs narratives and myths. The myths tell of the creation of Ben and Asia’s friendship; the narratives plot Asia and Ben’s friendship past, present, and future.
I saw something the other day and I thought of you, I say. It said “unconditional love doesn’t mean unconditional relationship” or something like that. I remember you asking if you’ll always unconditionally care for me and you said yes, and I think that’s true, but that doesn’t mean unconditional freedom of transgression or violation. The relationship can be conditional even if the care is unconditional, I say. Very true, says Asia.
I meditate on the permutations and combinations of the names Benjamin and Asia The names name renewal rhythm and negative graphomania (there negation and there contrary: negation destroyed to redeem the contrary) I descend into the names Benjamin and Asia (radically immanent names and radically anarchic names: names act negation of the negation abstract expressionist anarchy) I descend dip earth urgent earth core clusters (the leaves of rose plants grow in clusters of five, nine, or thirteen leaves)
I love Asia very much. I feel happy she’s my friend. I feel happy we are best friends and pando friends, and our names sprawl deep earth roots and spread spore clonal colonies across the pages of the Book. The unconditional of the Book prophesies the unconditional of Benjamin and Asia. I love Asia very much and her name in action negates Book and embodied Book noise now noise unconditional earth noise (north thorn noise third crown soap cityscape North threat noise through two shoes window shutters). I love my friendship with Asia and our pando pantonality nomads novel noise (north noise knocks hell hinge happen stop stampede stampede I stir north noise maw crawl awl aleph: cave maw alpha magic).
Just because it’s not inevitable that our friendship will last the rest of our lives, we can continue to work and grow and be receptive to one another, and if that’s the case, then we will be friends for the rest of our lives, I say. I don’t know how long it will last, says Asia. But I know that we’ll both continue the friendship as long as we can, says Asia. Is that the case for all relationships? I say. You can’t truly know? You just continue as long as you can? Even you and your partner? Yes, that’s the case with all relationships, says Asia. I will try my best then to openly communicate with you and grow with you, I say. Do you think we are pursuing an unconditional relationship? Yeah, says Asia.
I love Asia very much, and in her name, Yod Hay happening In my name, Yod Hay happening and happening body horror (a crash course in terror! THE DORM THAT DRIPPED BLOOD) Her Yod Hay deep dark: night dark dawn night Dark ripens my feminine name ditch night Ben Yod night body solo with accompanist I love Asia very much a night annihilation (negation and negation of negation negation null point point space null null point and space null point and line point negative space null point nothing and negation then her name)
I love Asia very much and this writing happens at a mess. The Yod Hay and action projects mess. I act in mess without transition and repetition but I try not to play this idea but the next idea. The next idea happens in our names. I destroy my name and in its divine letters a resurrected Book happens: a new Book happens messy happening and annihilating noise. I desire more noise (north noise knit skull gnosis nepsis node or nodule noise noise kneads my name bridal chamber nurses)
Name In Action Descends
He whose name is YH-Sheen-WH, that is YHWH in action, wants to and must deeply descent into the world
Tetragrammaton without transition transforms into Tetragrammaton with transition
Name whose name makes the name play apophatic: I appear in the apophaticism of the name
He whose name yields wild to the Yod of the name, and I name with names the numbering of the letters
I traverse carefully across the Tetragrammaton and I translate the Tetragrammaton as Her Name In Action. Her name acts on word and world in translation, rotation, and distortion. I traverse her actions carefully for her name distorts my name (my names attached parasitically to numerous bodies). I trace action to action Tetragrammaton to Christina, the Yod or Hay of her cunt tabernacle (I traverse her name like I traverse my languages – carefully and too carefully without risk. I risk and betray her names and the names of god).
To risk the name towards the disintegration of the name (my name perpetually disintegrates)
He whose name is YH-Sheen-WH, that is YHWH in action… I act Taryn turkey vulture vision I act contact – pink out of the corner cradle of civilization – Taryn turkey vulture vision (eagles gather in the gulley, a gambit of god) I act a gambit of god (He knew all the games… She was a play thing… A LOVE TOY) I act Taryn chopping off the toes of travelers, her perverse circumcision mutilating my flesh (He incisors multiply my flesh many names and the maps of the names)
I act in subtle action and subtle name: name slowly transforms into the name I act in subtle alchemy subtracting alchemy, the name activated in phoenix or peacock feather enchanted name (I act in her alchemical name, first distilled and then disintegrated) I act in her name and I went out to wave and wharf, a long sine wave wavering as a wolverine, and I pursue the puncture in the page of her name I act page canvas page her name – page canvas page color field painting – action active action page performance
I paint her name in action I paint her wave in action field painting paper pierced by paint – provoked by paint – puzzled by paint – and I went out to the paint bloom bright blue by her name I paint several Taryn serpents and ouroboros pounces out out action out cool jazz Our cool jazz inside-out pounces through crypt Christina catacomb carving waves into waves
We are pando friends and I’m glad that I got to you know, says Asia. What does it mean to you to be “pando friends”? I say If I remember, you drew a drawing of pando and we talked about becoming one with pando then we just started using it spontaneously for our friendship, I say. It started because we both wanted to be pando, says Asia. So I guess it’s a way of saying that we have similar goals, desires, or that we are on similar wavelengths, says Asia. I like that, I say. I was thinking about it because my other best friends, we ended up coming with terms for our friendship in a similar spontaneous manner, and they became shorthand for my friendship with them. Most obvious one is “Kindred” for me and Christina. I feel us as pando has also become a shorthand for friendship specifically. I enjoy us as pando and using it as a term for our friendship in the Book and in general if you like it, I say. I’m OK with that, says Asia.
Whose name in action wants to and must deeply descend into the world Whose names carved waves into waves wave action Whose names carves paint into paint canvas suspensions
I continue in the action of canvas and cut canvas and shaped canvas. I continue in the action of canvas and cured canvas and canvas crevasse, and I paint her names plucked from the aether. I continue in her name canvas crystal and krystal.
She whose name descends in action: Krystal kinbaku taxicab khora She whose canvas pours quicksilver onto other canvases an alchemical color field (Krystal compact canvas cadillac catalyst crow Book: Book ben hinnom hike kylix licked blood from crucifixions)
(To risk means to break old habits and molt the old and tight-fitting exoskeletons. My writing constricts and suffocates me but I still find it difficult to experiment and exceed and betray my own conventions. Philip Glass correctly said that it’s not finding your voice that’s the problem – it’s shedding it afterward that’s the problem. Betrayal and experimentation requires an active process and an active possession and intention.)
She whose name acts and acts Krystal city chalice unlock desert: desert keystone kinbaku and umbilical
Her name kinbaku knot ben beast from the earth clip coupons
Her name acts and I rip rock cutter new york ripper rain riptide
Her names act shaped canvas pink pando and I carve waves into waves I carve waves into waves body work word incarnation / I carve wave into wave word made flesh I act in flesh raked glamour photography pornographic (Meet Sandy, the most perfect body in the world RELUCTANT NUDIST)
He whose name is YH-Sheen-WH, that is YHWH in action, wants to and must deeply descent into the world Name names renewal and negative: she in fleeting duration and now-duration, the liminal time enduring behind time Her names names renewal and negative: fleeing duration in action and fleeing duration in actualization: her serpent sphere in Taryn serpent sphere acting in her sphere existence
Her name – name Christina – name Krystal – name Asia – stretches out Book time timeless true duration without duration Her names make drawings in space there is where time becomes space (The one single purpose of myth is to reveal YHVH’s penetration into the human race)
You know what our myth says? I say. Our myth says: resilience and transformation. That’s a pretty good myth, says Asia.
I hope my prophecy and writing and art can play a role in the resilience and forming the community, I say. I hope our friendship does too. Stories will be vitally important, says Asia. Stories and myth.
God, I just saw a quilt that displayed myths and it was super cool, says Asia. Like the creator used curving lines throughout the quilt because it depicted a trickster god and you don’t want to give a trickster a direct route. I need to get into quilt making.
The one single purpose of myth is to reveal the names and action of KRYSXTRYN + Asia Rhizome, and their names make narratives into the new renewed Her name and myth acts and descends into the world human and renewed human: the very human
In The Thread Red Rabbit
In the thread red rabbit In the thread, red rabbit In the thread in the thread
In then In then thin this repetition, this red composition (Then and then, thinner thread thunder. Then then thunder, twin free improvisation.)
In the thread, red rabbit. Rabbits reveal everywhere and I draw the rabbit straight line and follow it. I follow the thread narrower beams and I tight-rope walk with rabbits. I walk with rabbits on the thread and I rarefy red from rabbits: rubedo body and in the threads, my body red. I read my body red in the thread and I tight-rope walk with twin rabbits. In the red, twin threads and I thread my body to through. In the thread, red rabbit. In the thread, red rabbit (rabbit reveals repetitions and repetition reveal the rabbit. I draw the rabbit line in line into. Rabbit drifts red. Rabbit drifts red drawing (rabbit reveals repetitions and repetitions reveal rabbit).
In the thread red rabbit In the thread, red rabbit In the read red rabbit thunder In the red thread rabbit taryn tape thunder Cassette tape thunder tinkers human skeleton skipping stone / I skip human bone as shadow stones wrote (I adore language sound and sounding languages. I listen for the language music and the melody grows rubato rabbits rabbits batarang. Rabbits bring a certain melodic quality to the language. I adore the music of the language / systemically derange the language. Systemically derange the language: write a work consisting only of prepositional phrases, or add a gerund to every line of an already existing work.) (The rabbit on time The rabbit with that beautiful woman The rabbit before going home) In the thread red rabbit In the red thread rabbit taryn records volcanic activity I record rabbit thunder theater and theater tape pivots from human bone to hale bone I skip whale bone shadow wilderness
I tinker with the sounds, the sounding language of the word but I should destroy the language (systemically deranging the language). I tinker with with word with with rabbits, the rabbit on time. I tinker the rabbits on time but there rabbit with that beautiful woman destroys. The rabbit destroys the language more with the Book weld. I respect the Book too much and its form and processes ossify me. I draw a straight line and I follow the rabbit.
Would you consider me a master of my craft? I say. The craft of writing? says Asia. I think you could be more well-rounded. You do change up your style and techniques but you still only really write a very particular kind of style, says Asia. What can I do to become more well-rounded? I say. Write other forms of writing, says Asia. Write narratives, essays, poems. That all has to be in one Book? I say. No, she says. It’s not that I don’t think the Book contains those things but there is something to be said about creating those things to be a work to themselves instead of a work that contributes to the Book. You aren’t writing them as isolated pieces and while I think you have a pretty good grasp on poetry, I’ve never seen you write a complete narrative story. The reason I say that is because there is a certain intentionality that comes with making something that has an end. I see, I say. You don’t think the blog posts are ends in themselves? They can be but they aren’t, says Asia. And the narrative element you add are not a complete story either. I think the nature of the Book can cause you to go in lots of different directions without ever finishing one thing all the way through. Plenty of people like what you do but I think you won’t really know the limits of what you are capable of unless you branch out a bit. Just get out of your comfort zone. Challenge yourself, says Asia.
In the thread red rabbit In the thread, red rabbit (I draw a straight line and I follow the rabbit. I read about the Miles Davis Quintet and their live recording The Complete Live At The Plugged Nickel 1965, a 7 hour plus collection recorded on December 22nd and 23rd 1965. Herbie Hancock stated: “We’d gotten so cohesive as a band that it became easy to play together. We had figured out a formula for making it work, but of course playing a formula was exactly the opposite of what we wanted to do. We needed to put the challenge back, to figure out ways to take more risks…” Tony Williams proposed making “anti-music”. “Whatever someone expects you to play, that’s the last thing you play.” The group agreed but didn’t tell Miles Davis. Herbie Hancock said: “Some people have suggested that Tony was trying to sabotage the band by doing this, but he was only really trying to sabotage our comfort level, to break us open again. It was just another step in trying to push our boundaries as musicians and as a band.” I retell this story about the Plugged Nickel 1965 because I create and write at a similar junction: I write the Book with proficiency and I know how to make the Book work. The Book has become a formula, albeit a formula that works and a formula I can still stretch and expand, but even the subtle shifts and gradual evolution of the Book's current forms is not enough to stave off the feeling of comfort and even stagnation. First, I follow Asia’s advice: challenge myself, get out of my comfort zone, and write forms that don’t belong to the Book. I plan on working in traditional poetry forms: villanelles, sestinas, sonnets, as well as light verse. I also plan to work on writing short stories: microfiction at first and slowly building up to longer and longer self-contained narratives. I also plan to write essays. I will experiment in these forms and prophesy a vision necessary and unavoidable in my creative spirit, but like Albert Ayler, I work on improvising free by putting more form in the free form. As for the Book, I take an example from The Complete Live At The Plugged Nickel 1965: Herbie Hancock states, “From the moment Miles counted off the first song, I started focusing on how I would play against expectation. Whenever a song would build up, getting to that natural peak, the natural inclination would be to push it over the top – but instead I would suddenly bring it down to one quiet note. Tony did the same, building up his playing in volume and intensity, but then, instead of hitting the bass drum, he’d gently tap the cymbal. He did the opposite, too, suddenly ratcheting up intensity just as a tune was winding down.” I go against my instincts and betray my own expectations. I become a Judas Iscariot to the Book. I favor heavy assonance and alliteration and euphony: I now explore dissonance and clashes and cacophony. Utilize wider varieties of sounds, contrasts, shadows, chiaroscuro – accumulate and add to my repertoire of techniques. Then go onto the next thing to betray and sabotage my comfort and break me open again. I go forth to experiment and make big messes and spectacular failures.
I write IN THE THIRD RED RABBIT; my initial creative instincts involve repetition and alliteration to expand and rearrange it. Instead, I try dissonance and sharp contrasting accents: in the thread red rabbit attack but warble thread
Miles Davis said: Don’t play the first thing you hear. Wait and play the next thing.
In the thread red rabbit, play the next thing In thread the black barbs snap barbarian I skip human stone curlicue perpetrators Rabbits prod carbuncle habits hit barnacles: thread to thread barnacle manual labor Red barnacles boast a light in the attic hoedown
Here Her Rose Erupts
Here her roses erupt her roses half here
Her roses relapse abrupt her roses Her roses risk relapse lapse abrupt lake her roses Her roses relapse abrupt her roses
Her roses abrupt reverse here her roses in hair Her roses rise hair abrupt reverse and reverse her roses river Her roses abrupt reverse her hair here roses
Here her roses, here and here. Here roses, and she shares the roses her and here: she shares the roses here and there. There, I twist the roses together. There, I twine roses twist and shout. Here her roses, here and here, and her hair hones twelve-tone rows: retrograde, inversion, retrograde-inversion, rotations, and transpositions. Here and here, her roses in sequences: roses up and down, but the same intervallic relationships between roses and wild hair. I obsess with rearranged groups of roses – groups of any sets, whether here or there. Here her roses in various arrangements sprout wild hair.
Hair here her roses erupt her roses half here
Roses rerun relapse abrupt Roses rerun abrupt riverrun abrupt roses Rose ruins rapidly reduced aerial Roses relapse abrupt roses towards the door I turn door and door: roses toward the door we never opened into the rose garden I endlessly garden and I garden endless roses
I went to the local state park – saw the turtles and had a spiritual experience, says Asia. Do you want to hear turtle facts I learned today that healed my soul? Yes, please, I say. So turtles talk to each other. They have a turtle language and there is a specific sound they make when they are stuck. They are calling for help and other turtles will come and help if they hear it. Box turtles sound like birds chirping. Terrapin turtles literally terraform rivers and marshes – they are gardeners. They remove and plant marsh grass. American’s fishing industry wouldn’t exist without terrapins because they build the ecosystem that creates it, says Asia. Did you experience the turtle god? I say. Maybe you should be a turtle gardener in your next life, not forest soil mycelium. I did, says Asia. I’m jealous, I say. I want to meet the turtle god. Short story idea: Asia meets the turtle god. They garden marshes and rivers together and the turtle god tells Asia the gospel of the turtles… If the turtle god told you secrets about the universe, what would it say to you? I say. It would tell me that I can build homes and ecosystems for those around me just like the terrapins and gopher tortoise, says Asia. That I can be a source of strength and safety and I don’t have to kill myself to do it. The turtle god is very wise, I say.
Hair here her roses erupt her roses half here Here I turtle towards the door we never opened into the rose garden I garden rose gods decay I garden gods unusual lacerations of foliage (foliage flesh foil and epee / Alucard with short sword)
I garden obscure mandrakes I garden obscure mandrakes garden genitalia or stressed gonads / I garden glass gonad sanddab god genitals (Sand dollar saunter god stones and Christ rock genitals) Sand dollar gods saunter genitals silver dollar city (It’s not the nose that grows! THE EROTIC ADVENTURES OF PINOCCHIO)
I garden. I garden and I garden a gutbucket jump blues. I garden with the turtle god and we compose Ben and Asia gospels (our gospel: openness to transform and change, and to create and connect in anarchic agape). I garden gospels and my gospel gyrates god genitals. I garden generous genitals and generous gods, and the garden jams long improvisation. I garden improvisation and I improvise gardening and rose grows graphic violence. I garden graphic jump blues and graphic jazz. Articulation gardens music with changing parts. Changing parts gardens punk gods and splatterpunk genitals.
Hair here her roses erupt her roses half here This rose, cup of blessing This rose blessing blessing: bodies bless body abomination Bodies belch bloated beluga abominations bog body horror (They won’t stay dead! They keep coming back in a blood-thirsty lust for human flesh: NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD) Body hair line her body horror (don’t fetch meat fat salt laid sinks down and out)
Hair here her roses forwards and reverse the door we did not open
Hair here her rose hips tulips gin and tonic
Here her black hole black hair brings roses rose body horror
Hair here her roses erupt her roses half here This rose cup of blessing beasts ben bodies an undisturbed quiet of the arizona desert I bless desert body unfolding roses Desert body unfurls perpetual roses slows body desert unfolding
Hair her roses bless ben body an uninterrupted slow-motion shot of a tall chimney dynamites
Rose reveals dynamite desert / C4 serpent
I garden the Book and the Book arrives as a rose. I activate the Book in rose collections and congregation of roses. I garden the Book and it grows as a rose entwined with a human body. I bend my Book Body to rose beginnings and the garden beguiles. Garden beguiles human genitals and god genitals, a table of generations transformed into tuning forks. My flesh forks sharp roses and its body blesses garden of forking paths: each path plays Book roses (perpetual roses and repeated roses).
Do you feel our friendship is anarchic and equal in our care for each other, and our support and creativity? I say. I guess so? says Asia. I’m not entirety sure that I know what an anarchic friendship would be like. Flat, equal reciprocation or something, I say. Creative anarchy maybe. I guess so, says Asia. That’s the thing about anarchic things. It can be a little hazy sometimes when it comes to how things should exist in the real world. I think it’s important to think of everything existing on a spectrum. There isn’t just anarchic and non-anarchic. There is everything in-between and most things are in the in-between, says Asia. Is anarchic better? I say. Or it depends on the thing? Usually yes I think so maybe it depends? says Asia. I don’t like speaking in absolutes because then you find the exception but I guess the thing to keep in mind is the results and your intentions. You shouldn’t be going out with a hatchet leveling everything to the ground. More like a garden, each event or item getting its own specialized care. All with the unified goal of “how can we make this more equal for everyone involved?” says Asia. Yeah, that makes sense, I say. So to use our friendship as an example, says Asia. I think we treat each other pretty fairly and there isn’t some big power imbalance but you don’t treat yourself fairly or equally, and because of that you often expect me to view you how you view yourself. In that area, there isn’t equality, says Asia.
Hair here her roses erupt her roses half here (nowhere now here and now here nowhere) (Here, a rose experiment – to allow myself the experiment, to continually discontinuous rearrange the messes. I feel too comfortable in the book – in the structures and format of the Book. Experiment and betray the Book. But you’ll do more than all of them, because you’ll sacrifice the human that bears me and your horn has already been raised, your anger has been kindled, your star has ascended, and your heart has strayed. Experiment and betray the Book. Experiment and betray the Book and sacrifice the Book that bears the Book. I do not yet know how to betray the Book but I betray in its discovery and process.) Hair here her rose erupts red riff rrr red her Here her rock rose slow her anarchic rrr (ana anarchic rose shows sledgehammer fashion)
Here her roses erupt blessing botulism blessing bubonic plague Rose bowls blessing bubonic plague barbarian (barber word barbarous name: my name rose and Christina) Here barbarian and rose barbed beetles / split tone ben bodies
I Went Out To This Noise And Unknown
And as he went out to the temple, one of his disciples saith unto him, Master, see the manner of stones and buildings are here!
I went out: I went out overlapping often
I went out and one over overlapping often and often, extension
I went out of one and one and one in three, and out over ones often
I went out and out the ouroboros and often ouroboros devours: ouroboros devours overlapping horror body bayou I went out and out horror omnipotence and omnipresence: the terrific face of phantom Yahu
I went out so slow ouroboros ben boron body horror / bloody book bloody bayou I went went out snow ouroboros shout blended word: beware blonde blonde Taryn Bayou (beware blonde Taryn births bayou)
I go out to the Book and this outing writes and rewrite book through overlapping transformations. Book rewrites Book, and Book overlaps Book, but the result is always an open Book. I go out to the Book and Book transforms in radically open extensions and expanding radial openings. Books open every opening across the circumference of the Book, a Book surface without boundary (The Book is a sphere whose exact center is any one of its hexagonals and whose circumference is inaccessible.) I go out the Book destination out and Sun Ra out in space.
I went out slow spheres everywhere and I rewrite my body as bayou and blonde rebirth (I scribe editorial fatigue and as I copy and emend the Gospel of Mark, I suddenly understand why Steve Reich’s later works feature movements of successively shorter durations: not only because one says much at first and sometimes tires, but the longer one prophesies, the less one has to explicate the prophecy.)
Just got a TikTok saying that Hecate has been trying to reach me, says Asia. Hecate is goddess of the underworld, transition, crossroads, that type of stuff, right? I say. Yeah, she says. Maybe you are going through a lot of transitions and transformations – do you feel you are going through a time of transition? Every damn day of my life, says Asia. Is there anything you feel you are transitioning from or into? Becoming more authentic, she says. Is there an authentic self, you think? I say. Not really, but there are inauthentic masks we hide behind, she says. I agree with that, I say. I feel like there’s no single defined self I have but a collection or congregation of selves. All of them together form the “true ben” if such a thing is possible. I do think there is definitely inauthentic selves. I am a prophet and I am a writer and I am an artist, but I am also a friend, I am an uncle, I am a brother, I am a nurse. Sometimes those roles and selves are different, and sometimes they are the same, and sometimes they overlap. Sometimes I feel them very differently and sometimes I feel being a friend and an artist is the same… Do you think you could describe what your authentic selves are? I say. No, says Asia. It’s difficult to describe a self. It’s like capturing water in a river. You didn’t capture the river and trying to define it is just like making a mask. I could say “I’m a teacher” and by saying that I evoke all the preconceived ideas we have about that role and that creates expectations to meet, she says. That’s true, I say. So even saying I’m a prophet doesn’t capture what it means for me to embody prophesying. We can sort of direct or point towards it, but there’s something larger underneath. Yes, says Asia. And depending on who you are talking to, what it means to be a prophet changes, she says. That’s true, I say. When I talk to you as prophet it’s very personal and equal because the prophecy involves our friendship. But if I’m talking to Jo – my new poet friend – she receives my prophecy differently and my role as prophet shifts to me more as teacher and her as a learning student. And that change change over time too. Identity is process. It’s not a static thing. You’d definitely say it’s a process / evolution / acting and not being. We definitely talked about art as process before, growing as process, and probably identity as process too. I wrote in my Book last night: PROPHECY IS PROCESS, I say.
And he went out to the temple, one of his disciples saith unto him, Master, see what manner of stones and what buildings are here! I went out word I went out noise word: word noise ajax enjambment ajar Word ajax enjambment night jar juxtapose record needle nocturne (I went out out noise night jar film noir) I went out night word word noise
I went out night word I went out word wheat sweep sweep sweep cross chimney Word chimes noise chimney cross chimera: chimera metamorphic metastasis
I went out a state of standstill / dialectic transformations I went out my noisy word body no flat surfaces but hyperbolic paraboloids boil body black brackish I went out to the ouroboros horror bayou hollow body / my wine out body big cluster omnipotence and omnipresence I wing went out out body the terrific phantom of Yahu
I went out night word and word noise. I immerse my word in noise and I like the noise. I like the noise sounds unpredictable night and night noodle incident. Noise transitions into prophecy and noise transforms my prophecy. Noise adds prophecy to prophecy, and prophecy pulses in noise X noise, a healthy amount of unknown. I went out in the night noise to search for the unknown (I recall Anthony Braxton speaking of the unknown: his system of music having a “healthy degree of unknown.” I find the following quotation by Braxton speaking about his ZIM musics: “I can use the ZIM musics with respects to narrative structure and storytelling, and I can use ZIM music in the third degree and as a probe into the unknown space, into the hidden space.” I go out into the unknown, the X, the potential of noise and noisy word and noisy name)
I went out to the noise of the name / tetragrammaton strip terror pornographic Tetragrammaton strip terror pornographic body everlasting gobstopper Out out gumdrop body vending trumpet machine vision / pornographic glue voluptuous
Tetragrammaton improvises tenor saxophone terror and the terror stripteases sheets of sound
Out out tetragrammaton builds gumdrop body vending machine vision decision (the noise of the name YHVH yields undecidable) I prophesy its voluptuous pornographic glue
I went out and out a composite tetragrammaton: I am curious (yellow) Yahu I went out and I fill my room with books and papers and boxes of clippings on topics such as “religion” and “men” and files on each of the 23 men I have sex with (Omnipresent Yahu the sun’s not yellow it’s chicken)
I went out and there’s nothing too small to investigate
I went out to the ouroboros overlap ouroboros obvious horrors I went out to the hatchet horror in the bayou: I went out to omnipotence I went out to omnipotence (flaccid then erect) omnipresence, the terrific face of the phantom Yahweh (face phantom phallus face fuck skull fuck scalpel uniclipper forceps) I out and out to horror: I boil to terrible and awful, Taryn hunchback and cathedral…
I went out name of this noise
I went out noise of this noise Blind Benjamin / Taryn Tiresias waning (moon soon moon) and the woman went out to the wilderness
Could you help me affirm truths about the Book? I say. Why? says Asia. Because my relationship with the Book is changing and I feel on shifting sand in regards to it. I would like a firm foundation to build further and have a better relationship with my creativity, I say. OK, I will help you affirm our relationship with creativity but not the Book, she says. What’s your reasoning for doing this for creativity but not the Book itself? I say. I choose creativity because I don’t think you should entangle self-worth with the book and creativity has more to do with your relationship with others and how they interact. And I know I contribute to the Book a lot but I don’t view it as mine – I view it as your project, says Asia. I think those are fair points and I see why’d you want to affirm that instead, I say. Would the following still be true then? My creative expression prophesies – my creative expression is a unique expression – yours and my creativity forms a big part of our friendship but our friendship is not contingent on our creativity (our friendship goes beyond our creativity and what we create) – our creativity together too prophesies, I say. Those sound good, says Asia.
I went out to this noise and unknown I went out to the unknown ouroboros noise horror (what a gargoyle word, bayou this bayou bounces a buoyant solar barge) I went out to unknown horror and I resume the horror: I boil to terrible and awful, Taryn Hunchback and Taryn Cathedral Woman went out into the wilderness wild tarpit taryn Morrison’s Hotel LA Woman went out whoring hogtied in her bondage krystal kinbaku
I went out to this noise and unknown noise Christina carriage cusp chariot (carrion carriage chariot cut cross)
Noise and unknown out out prophecy
I went out to wilderness overlapping wilderness wicked noise I prophesy underneath and unknown
Tell Us When Shall These Things Be
Tell us when shall these things be? And what shall be the sign when all these things shall be fulfilled?
If they ask you, what is the sign of the father in you? Say to them, it is the movement and repose
When shall these things be? And what shall be the sign when all these things shall be fulfilled?
These, however, are the names which I give from the endless one. Write them with a sign so that the sons of God will manifest from here.
Tell us when and go tell it on the mountain Go tell it on the mountain Jesus Christ is born
The first chapter of Mere Christianity is only 8 pages, says Asia. I already have some thoughts. His argument that he is already laying out are overly simplified and make a lot of assumptions like this statement: “Whenever you find a man who says he does not believe in real right or wrong.” What the fuck are you talking about? No one is walking around saying that they don’t believe in the idea of right or wrong actions. They might say its subjective or dependent on circumstances but not that it’s impossible to do right or wrong, says Asia. He spends at least one more chapter defending it and giving more details, I say. It’s only in rare cases of sociopathy you might find that, but I agree with you. No one is walking around not doing what they think is moral. It’s best to approach Mere Christianity not as a work of philosophy but indeed apologetics and more for people who want to bolster their Christianity than convincing them of it. I think there are much better arguments for God than morality, I say. I hate the god centered morality argument because it removes all grey areas and removes our ability to address harm that is being done in God’s name, says Asia. You can’t hold god accountable and you can’t say it’s wrong if god says it’s right. So not only do you get systemic harm, but then your so-called loving god becomes a monster. You can’t ever be on equal terms with God, and you can never hold him accountable for wrong that has done under his name, says Asia. I agree with you, I say. I remember from a couple years ago with you when I was still struggling with a toxic relationship with God. I had a realization. I said, “You love me more than God loves me... What does that say about God, that a human loves me more?” God is a dick, says Asia. But no one could be kind for long in that kind of power imbalance. Absolute power where you don’t have to take responsibility for harm, where the harm you cause is good and everything you do is good, says Asia. I am reminded of what Jesus said, I say. Love each other as I have loved you… No greater love than this, when one lays his life down for his friends. Jesus was face to face with us and loved like a human to a human. That’s the difference between God and Jesus, I say. I think God should have kept being reincarnated and a person, says Asia. Over and over again, we all get a turn at being Jesus until we are all god and God is all human, she says.
Tell us, when shall these things be? And when shall be the sign when all these things shall be fulfilled?
Athanasius of Alexandria writes: He was incarnate that we might be made God Clement of Alexandria writes: Yea, I say, the Word of God became a man so that you might learn from a man how to become a god Cyril of Alexandria writes: He came down into our condition solely in order to lead us to his own divine state
Tell us: I tell and foretell. I tell scripture and I rewrite scripture. I rewrite scripture new invention and impossible invention (the intervention of scripture). Tell us and I tell how scripture always invades Book. Bible and Book write and rewrite each other. Bible writes raw Bible and Bible writes rhizome Book. I will never rid myself of Bible and Bible always bubbles over and sometimes boils Book. Tell us Book: I tell and foretell Book and Bible babels my flesh human and divine.
And what shall be the sign when all these things shall be fulfilled Go tell it on the mountain that Jesus Christ is born Tell Taryn traffic jam jazz seven trumpets Tell Taryn tripping trumpet (I love you a trumpet punch scatters A trumpet punch pinchers plumb line pizzicato / letters Taryn and Taryn textures of time) Tell Taryn tripping trumpet through the turmoil and tinfoil Tell Taryn tripping trumpet telescope tail talk walkie-talkie word / talk klang trumpet coin flip
And what shall be the sign I flip flesh trumpet half-valve or locust smears I smear melodic and I swear upon my hair or heaven’s footstool, the name now YHVH Yahveh erupts elephant euphonium and what shall be the sign
And what shall be the sign and mountain manipulates moment and moment of symmetry apocalypse
I sign the beach (beaches where sharks eat humans beaches where humans eat sharks)
Go tell it on the mountain tells the Taryn tain, twin brutalist architecture Mountain twains the Taryn tain tellings twa sisters I trade twa sisters Taryn tail folk tales Attach not to the tale but tell and go tell Taryn telescoping Taryn Attach not to the tell type and go tell Taryn shark tent and cavern
I tell the sign of Taryn and Tetragrammaton. I tell Taryn and the sign of Tetragrammaton. I tell the sign of Taryn alternate breaks and beats, and I sample the letters of the Tetragrammaton (Yod Hay Vav Hay erupts into earth out of the earth). I tell and foretell Taryn: I prophesy Taryn scripture striptease. I tell the scripture striptease and folk tale and witch word and YHVH erupts out of witch word.
Tell us: Tell us Taryn tenebroso countertenor and Taryn Terebinth Tarantula Taryn terabithia bite bites height frankenstein fantasy
Tell us when shall these things and these things slow vaporwave vision I sample and slowdown Christina cross Christina: Christina polygon jam jab witching Asia I worship Asia as my witching hour
So the Turtle Sanctuary was on Jekyll Island and there was some crazy conspiracy theories around the island, says Asia. It’s the island that the Federal Reserve originally came from and rich people live there. I hope the conspiracy involved a hidden Hyde Island, I say. It’s very bougie, says Asia. Apparently one of the conspiracy theories is that there is a giant buried there and there is a church built on top of the buried remains and the church worships the dead giant. That’s what my sister said, says Asia. That’s a lot better than most conspiracy theories, I say. I’m trying to find out if people actually believe that, says Asia. It’s a compelling idea. Very lovecraftian, she says.
Tell us, when shall these things be? And what all shall be the sign when all these things shall be fulfilled? I worship Asia as my witching shadow I witch harmonic hours Asia and Asia alter other: ben alter anarchic alter She tells the mountain and major key majesty (I associate [purple] mountains and majesty not with the song America The Beautiful but with David Berman’s band Purple Mountains. I will always exist under the planet of melancholy and my spleen will always secrete and excess of unnatural black bile. I understand David Berman on this record and he dies where I don’t. I feel impossible to die and I live forever equally impossible.)
Tell us when shall these things be (For a long time, I’ve struggled very very much with what people call treatment-resistant depression, said David Berman. It never goes away from me and I’m surprised I’ve made it this far really, in life. There were probably 100 nights, over the last 10 years where I was sure I wouldn’t make it to the morning. Yeah, I’m a very depressed person. I felt even worse about myself and time went on and I wasn’t doing anything. I do feel better now, having completed this project, said David Berman.) (Consciously and unconsciously, I write to survive: I remake my body long eternity)
Tell us, when shall these things be? And what shall be the sign when all these things shall be fulfilled? I worship sign and a sign I worship the sign of Asia as my witching shadow I witch harmonic hours Asia my alter-anarchic other She tells me mountains and majesty She speaks me incarnation intentions and music The sign of the Book writes and rewrite the hypersigil Book bears the illustration of initiation: an initiation and dance resonance Asia pale ninth (Asia pale ninth Asia little resonance pale seventh Asia some brilliance Asia queer quartels and quintels)
Tell us when shall these things Taryn tells tempers steel tempest tempesta the taking tack tule river Taryn tell tramples iron tram height hoist hill Taryn tintinnabuli Taryn tall string quartets and abstract paintings I tune the tell in duos and trios, inconsistent and irregular meters clashing independently I clash go tell it on the mountain all my happiness is gone
I Bring My Body To The River
I bring my body to the river I bring my body to the river
I bring my body and ben bodies bloat saffron boat bolts I bring my body and ben bodies bolt insane contortions of tendrils Taryn touches insane tendrils tender matchbox car contortions (Taryn touches torches: Taryn contorts glass stations of the cross)
I bring my body to the river I bring my body to the river
In the rivers north of the future, I cast the net, which you hesitatingly weight with shadow stones wrote In em or ann contort immediate in insects In or em immediate lunar eclipse erupts error (my body erupts irregular rivers echoes of time and the river) My body erupts irregular rivers and sections of my body spider scissors Sections of my body scissor spider segment, and I echo rivers and rivers
I know rivers in sound and silence, and the silence of the river erupts into irregular sheets of sound. I know the irregular river as the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil, and I participate in the eating of the river and the drinking of the tree. I drink root river and I drink from where its roots run. My roots body rains river intersection and water insects, and I imitate the insect surface dances. My body rambles roots riverrun genesis, and I spread irregular roots underneath spread raw ghosts. I drink irregular rivers echo hollow time within my body and my body brings root bloodstream. My body brings massive root systems and my system body braids scripture. I braid scripture from my branch nature. I braid scripture from my body body river and my branches weave river word.
Can I talk to you about what I posted in the server? says Asia. Yes, you may, I say. Some people are irritated with tiny people because some tiny influencers are bragging about it and shaming any other size – even like women who wear medium sizes – or complaining there aren’t enough extra extra small clothing or whatever, says Asia. I can understand why people would be frustrated with that. I’ve never tried to flaunt my tininess and I know that being small means that I don’t always have the best idea of what sizes others wear. But something that always bugged me growing up would be people who would automatically compare themselves to me in a negative way. Like saying negative things about themselves. It made me really uncomfortable. I don’t get that too much anymore but it was always weird to me because I had such an abnormal body. I’m an outlier, not a representative of a normal human female and people would see me and see what they lacked. And I still didn’t fit body standards, because I was too short and didn’t have boobs. Like, no one can win this game and people die trying. I tell my students that body standards were created by people trying to sell you something, says Asia. Yeah that makes sense, I say. I don’t really think of you as a tiny person. I think of your fashion, I think of your style, I think of how you do your haircut and earrings and how you express yourself, but I realize I don’t think of you as tiny. I think of you as a strong person and maybe that’s why I imagine you as a “big person” in personality and strength. And I think you’re right. The game is kind of fucked. You’re damned if you do and damned if you don’t in a lot of ways. The beauty standards are all too ideal and impossible and purposefully so to sell you shit. I know you don’t need me to say it, but I think you’re awesome. I love who you are and how you express yourself. I have perceived you as having a strong self-love, I say. I think I love myself a lot now, says Asia. That didn’t use to be the case. It was odd getting used to my post-pregnancy body. I didn’t really gain a lot of weight but my uterus is more pronounced now and it gives me a bit of a belly, and it’s ridiculous to even say that but I was used to a flat stomach and being able to see my ribs and it’s the best that isn’t the case anymore but I still had to get over that mental block. And I was still literally underweight. Like it doesn’t make any sense the little things we fixate on, says Asia. I haven’t really talked to you about this before but for a long time I was also very skinny, I say. I was 5’11” and 150 pounds, see the ribs skinny. Even when I started lifting weights, I only got up to 175 or so. When I became super depressed in college, dropped to 160 again. It wasn’t until I started taking medication I gained a lot of weight. As I got older, I have struggled with my image of weight. Earlier this year, I was at my heaviest at 215. I am down to 195 again but I want to lose another 15 pounds. I don’t love my body. That’s the reality of it and I resonated with what you said in the server. I do struggle with that image I had of me before. I do sometimes skip meals because of it. I don’t want to eat and I want to fast… Thanks for sharing your struggles with me, even if it’s on the opposite spectrum, but I appreciate the discussion, I say.
I bring my body to the river I bring my body to the river
I bring my body to the river the dead know exactly what they’re doing when they leave this world behind
I bring my body to the river and rivers rip my body apart parts riverrun river bodies
I bring my body to the river and I bring my body to the river In the rivers north of the future, I cast the net itself a river In her err irregular rivers, suspect sideways ferris wheel In her interior raw window river witches and witch window irregular rivers (I watch my body witch wolverine insects I watch my body witch waters colour clamor)
I bring my bodies to the rivers and my bodies dye the rivers bright blues and cool jazz cobalt. My bodies stain the rivers blood red and target red, and I baptize rivers in the stew of watercolours. I bring my bodies to the dye works of Levi and I take seventy-two colors and throw them into their rivers. The earthly son has come as a dyer. I bring my bodies dissolve in the dying and provided the dyes bloody rivers.
I bring my body to the river I bring my body to the river In the rivers reed weaver reaver Asia rhizome In rivers vav shuttle future beetle / river barbed beetle bereshit I bring my body barb beetle barbara abracadabra Asia rhizome
I bring my body to the river weave red reeds redder rhizomes
I bring my body to the river color klang katzenjammer clamour
I bring my body to the river and it stains river gauche gore and skull oil. I smear my skull over the water surfaces as acrylic and poured aluminum household pigment. My body bursts open Judas Iscariot across rivers. Field, body, and river rivulet rainforest in unity, again a tree of the knowledge of good and evil.
I want to take this time to remind anyone who has struggled with body issues or eating disorders to be kind to yourself and tread carefully, says Asia. Things are getting ugly out there; try not to get caught up in it. Lots of older mindsets are coming back around and I see a lot of my students getting caught up in it too. Your body is a lovely vessel that helps you move through this world and love it like your friends and family. Be kind to yourself, says Asia. I appreciate it, I say. Right now I’m trying to lose some weight, and it’s important even if trying to get healthy, to avoid quick fixes and fads and getting caught up in the imagery. I have to remember to exercise and eat healthy and avoid doing stuff like extreme fasting, I say. Hopefully my words don’t sound hollow or anything, says Asia. This can be a hared topic to navigate, she says. I feel your words resonate and are appropriate, I say. It can’t be hard to love oneself, in multiple ways.
I bring my body to the river I bring my body to the river but I do not love my body I do not love my body but I love the river and rivers Ben bodies bloats saffron boat bolts and the bodies burst over rivers an oil spill My body spills time and the rivers stations of the cross Cross contorts ben bodies khora incarcerations / from rivers, insane tendrils Incarcerations accompany my hollow bodies rivers empty
I bring my body and I bare my body at the parking lot river. Its rivers radio Bob Dylan’s Shooting Star and I saw a shooting star tonight and I thought of you. I see a shooting star tonight and I think of Christina. Christina interrupts rivers and ruptures rivers in irregular intervals. I remember her body as my body. I bare my body in the river parking lot haunted by Christina sprites. I miss Christina. I float down the liffey, rivers in Christina limbo.
I bring my body to the river I bring my body to the river I light the rivers parking lot in em edit ark park lark light light parking lot (parking lot fluorescents sizzle sword word reed rivers)
I bring my body to the river in vent cigarette insects blitz chess cigarettes I smoke rivers red tobacco I smoke river cylinder serpent sinister cylinder (her cylinder strikes worrystone thunder)
I bring my body to the river and ben bodies bend down the branches (I do not branch but map I map ben body rose clusters of five nine thirteen totentanz)
Rivers carry my body nowhere and now here I bring my body to the river
When Shall These Things Be
Tell us, when shall these things be? And what shall be the sign when all these things shall be fulfilled?
I tell telluric currents I tell telluric current current comic subterranean Tell telluric currents ocean currents currants Telluric currents criss-cross pomegranates and pow-pow pornographies (I strip down to electricity and electricities)
I tell telluric currents go tell it on the mountain Subterranean current tell it on the mountain Jesus Christ is born Tell Taryn traffic jam archangels / Tell Taryn triad seven trumpets trumpet fires Tell Taryn seven trumpets steam trains train tonalities (I love you a trumpet punch scatters) (A trumpet pinchers plumb line pizzicato / texture of time and letters from terra) Tell Taryn tripping trumpet tinfoil telescope Tell Taryn tripping trumpet teak tail talk / talk klang coin flip Flip flesh trumpet half-valve or locust smears I smear melodic and I swear upon my hair or heaven’s footstep the name now Yahweh (Yahweh erupts elephant euphonium and mountain manipulates shepherd moment form)
Tell us, when shall these things be? And what shall be the sign when all these things shall be fulfilled? I smear melodic and the mountains manipulate melodies. The mountains manipulate modal tones and I climb mountain mixolydian. I climb modal mountains and I tell blues tones and tone sharpening hone flat sevenths. I smear melodic beaches where sharks eat humans: I smear mixolydian beaches where humans eat shark skin tents.
Tell us, when shall these things be Mountain tells the Taryn tain, anchorite in Egypt Mountain twains the Taryn tain tellings as twa sisters: cistern folk tales witches’ whale tales Attach not to the tale bit tell and go tell the Taryn as telescope Attach not to the type tell and so tell Taryn as tent and cavern (Taryn terebinth Taryn tarantula)
Vision and Mysticism 