Ring-narrowed day under number ochre: ochre ochre under name ben body ugly ochre ben body pulse ugly cutter charcoal brutalist Brutalist onyx onion ugly pastiche Ugly ochre obscure saddle scripture Skeleton sculpture spork ugly (Got to approach it like a spork, I say. What does that mean? says Christina. Not a single identifiable approach, I say. Got to weave the spoon and fork together pragmatically. Got to use the spoon and the fork not just either one. Then the spork itself has three prongs so it’s like flexible and malleable and pragmatic in approaches. Be flexible… OK, I thought of spork first and then figured out what it meant after, I say. Yes, spork, theory, says C. In contrast – or in conjunction maybe – to spoon theory, a spork sucks. It CAN do the job, but it’s not reliable. It breaks easily. It’s not nice. It can stab the roof of your mouth, says Christina. Hey, I’m a spork, I say. Fuck spoons.) Ugly ochre obscure saddle sculpture Skeleton sculpture spork ugly Spork speak ugly onion ominous Antacid against (I sculpt text as a I sculpt flesh) I sculpt text as I sculpt flesh / sculpt text sculpt flesh frequent unfix fork spork mobile I sculpt text flesh fresh fast fang body ferocious: face ferocious glitch hitch truck graphomania cosmogramma Cosmogramma chaosmos grammar genuine acid acids
I read The Very Pulse of the Machine and the lateral plume pilot peacock Yod-Hay-Vav-Hay Vav vocalizes invisible smoke smoke mix peacock keep vulture Vulture swoops sacred name / Sun Ra sword sluice scabbard Peacock pile plume phronesis / Taryn Tetragrammaton nemesis Lateral plume counterpunches contra Son of Man / my body smoke lateral snarl snow: snow son of man many melt
Plume play slow snow Play plume blue smoke holy ghost Holy ghost slow silo serpent silhouettes
Lateral plumes plaid ben body plummet vertical vulture / slash pillar python Body python pillar pilar spear smokes plume Plume play plum smoke body paint smock mockingbird bard smoke: smear smoke parking lot sacred letters Sacred letters driveway salve smoke Yod-Hay-Vav-Hay architecture I imitate stone architect texture keystone: Yod-Hay-Vav and IAO ouroboros counterpoint Counterpoint concrete compiled cleaver accumulation: letter anthology anthropology (Paleo-Hebrew divine name rendered into Koine Greek as Iota-Alpha-Omega, Yaoh, Leviticus 4:27 of Septuagint LXX manuscript 4Q120. Fragmented dated c. 1st century BCE, from the Dead Sea Scrolls founded at Qumran)
Letter lust experiment longa: Yod dome desert Letter lust lent listen: listen experiment Hay hem sound sculpture Yod Hay scrape soundtracks for the blind
Name knock blade nick tack attack: text attack teleos tap talas talons into twist tapestry Twist Taryn tapestry tug Tetragrammaton thistles the very pulse of the machine / ex machina impulses Taryn tala twenty-two letters engraved with voices and carved with breath
(One of the nice things about reincarnation is more time to understand the Sefer Yetzirah)
I participate lateral plume letters I participate piper phoenix and phoenix feather fire bakes text body adam into completion Feather fire bakes Book brand Tetragrammaton braids and I write Tetragrammaton first fire Taryn Taryn first text The Very Pulse of the Machine pigeon pink first text all text every quotation queer Sulfur is triboelectric and electricity tent taryn trilobites Electricity tent taryn text earth harlots red torah hierophant / simultaneous urtext Simultaneous urtext underneath snow ringlets Text tent trace red taryn phoneme invisible coal seam Text take tent red trace hard body morpheme myth metamorphosis Taryn train termite terrigen tetragrammaton
Earth machine each irk text ermine ink Ink earth each text mixed multitude texts remix taryn testament two witnesses: witness witch machine I write text machine witch text experiment pulses: pulse pyramid pure stone codex Texts tease ben haunted Christs leak out magma bubbles
(And now I see with the eye serene the very pulse of the machine)
She was a phantom of delight desert phantom struggle smuggle gnostic texts out of Egypt She was a phantom of delight divisible phantom crocodiles up and down the Nile Reptile ambush Taryn tubble Nag Hammadi manuscripts I meander manuscripts and serpent Benjamin swallows the swell of letters: letter Yod-Hay-Vav-Hay lateral plume and Iota-Alpha-Omega mothlight mimic overlay ouroboros musculature
What does this sound like: ben body adam Yod-Hay-Vav-Hay Iota-alpha-Omega gehenna What does this sound like: Lion of the Tribe of Judah free jazz orgasm What does this sound like turns flux tube magnetosphere volcano sulfur ions Molten ocean tidal heavy circular orbit What does this sound like Christina Krystal Taryn Asia It sounds like a machine
Machine makes manuscripts Machine makes microscope microcosm macrocosm I copy machine I copy machine to my coy mistress I copy machine quartertone microscope my hands with hooks in its eyes My hands turned over eye microraptor bird seed ballast bird seed silver body barge ben bloated whale bodies Ben bloated well body blood birth aftermath afterbirth (I sometimes think the leaves is only a language experiment I leaf leaves lights lamp body god grass / bamboo benjamin I leaf limb left brain hemisphere exploded fog flesh motown: my soul leaf last supper leaves lateral plume holy spirit smoke) (I leaf languages long smoke large smoke snapping turtles Taryn snap body slinky leaf slide ben body slipstream) Slide body an sea influence fluent farce flesh
Lateral plume plural body famish furniture music Lateral plume plural viaducts to carry away and bring back Plume ace tabula light up spaces spool gel outbursts midday first violence Rainday missing first violently aleatoric the first shall be last and the last shall be first dazzlingly violent Only particles apprehend copula different say consonants: I paint consonant aleatoric strike copula fool with fool
I Read Paul Celan And The Very Pulse Of The Machine
I read the poetry of Paul Celan and it makes me feel terribly inadequate and juvenile in comparison His poetry casts long body shadows on my poetry (Do I finally identify as a poet? Yes: I write poet and become poet, poet equal as prophet) I read a poem by Paul Celan and translated from the German by Heather McHugh and Nikolai Popov with the first line Ring-Narrowing Day Under I copy the poem in its entirety:
Ring-narrowing day under
the heavenleaf’s web of veins.
Across large cells of empty time, through
the rainfall, climbs
a blue-black thing: the
thought-beetle
Words in blood-bloom
Throng before his feelers.
Paul Celan, leave some enfleshed word body and flabbergast language for me Leave flabbergast geist haunted flesh language for me, the struggling poet and the poet-prophet attempting to pray and prophesy without gods or perhaps even the women of my life although I continue to prophesy her and her and benjamin Continue writing and worrying these prophetic poetics and punch line poets / Bruno Maderna’s Quadrivum for four percussionists and four orchestras
Ring-narrowed day under: under language language lateral plume lance subterranean Subterranean search language tongue long spotlight (language touch body light fire fire parlor plume: puff the magic dragon flame drag plume parallax / proto-punk particle effects) I speak language long wheel word rings: ring rings red faerie fangs feeler bodies I write word strange underneath length Underneath figure with meat, language metals Language metal tungsten or titanium missile command station to station I strike language stone stations of the cross
Should I compare myself to anyone? I ask Asia. No, except old ben, says Asia. Check out this poem by Paul Celan, I say [I send Asia the poem Ring-Narrowing Day Under] I asked the question because past ben was saying how Paul Celan made him feel inadequate and juvenile as a poet in comparison, I say. I like the poem, says Asia. Kind of has a jazzy rhythm and has really interesting word associations that make you want to chew on them. I don’t think it’s bad to want to emulate that, but it’s not good to use it as a reason to beat yourself up. Even if you copied the style, you will still write like Ben, and there isn’t anything wrong with that. Ben contains multitudes and there are 100,000 ways to write like Ben, says Asia. How do I write like the best ben? I say. I think you are on your way to figuring it out, says Asia. But here’s another question for you. Do you want to figure it out? Do you really want to reach your zenith? Then what? I think it’s the wrestling, the teasing, the tinkering that keeps you going. Another piece of perspective for you: most writers you read were also fussing and tinkering and felt like they hadn’t made it yet either. I don’t think they ever do. It’s the creating that we live for, not the creation, says Asia.
Ring narrow near mer marrow mothlight morning Morning nail night arrange ring neat meat / I cannibalize crucified bodies I cannibalize crucified bodies plural stellar famish: famine phantom body vision body viaducts to carry away and bring back
I read The Very Pulse of the Machine by Michael Swanwick, and it kind of fucks me up and reveals rolling circle desert cycloids / pap smear swear periphery pierce body circumferences Water surfaces circumferences reveal interferences Fucks unflesh finger fat Neil Young Fucking Up powderfinger Anyways immediately at once in their synagogue was a man with an unclean spirit Anyways immediately at once he made disciples get into the boat Immediately I make a big mess (ring-narrow mess rainfall mess meat mess forest / BODY SHOP the meating place for DISMEMBERS only) I make big messes big mess texas chain saw massacre radiant metropolis I make mess model physics La Monte Young dorian modal minus transformers I think it’s Wednesday the evening this mess we’re in and the city sunset over me
The city sunset over me the gone gods dead noon god gone granular and compact materials gods gone the map says we’re fucked materials shreds curlicue splinters traces: traces tastes tasers jellyfish gods gone venom city sunset imaginary buildings labyrinth inscription text dialogue insect City sunset empty set states events processes blendings transformations catastrophes disintegrations disappearances / I drink the city disappearance Drink city sunset desert overrun materials Granular and compact materials: material black mass moss white mass unmasked synesthesia Material grain god compact metamaterial: space elevator marshmallow matador most mosaics Mosaic homogeneous clusters sister cluster glissandos grindcore god glissando gelatin twelve galaxies
I have a long conversation with Asia – a monologue, really – about The Very Pulse of the Machine and it stabs steely dance naked lunch liquefaction: it stabs dusk desiring-machine infarction masked magician Story stabs stern against my sternum stew sternum bodies or strewn stewed bodies stimmung Stimmung psycho strings sting scorpion tail ouroboros numerous overtures Pulse machine material organ-machine cling body without organs a fencer’s padded jacket Pulse-machine repulsion machine accumulating-machine paranoiac-machine psalm-prayer I pray psalm cellulose monastery cell cell lapis light
This is how you pray continually – not by offering prayer in words, but by joining yourself to God through your whole way of life, so that your life becomes one continuous and uninterrupted prayer
I do not pray but then I pray a continuous uninterrupted prayer I do not pray and my body betrays (this bulky and blistering body) I pray pigeon pistol partial prayer Prayer pistol upper partials pit parietals pachyderm epidermis (dermal thermal desert) (dermal dilaudid duotone desert) Uninterrupted prayer underneath rhizome rhizome
I avoid writing the conversation with Asia about The Very Pulse of the Machine because it proves a difficult conversation; nevertheless, I document it for two reasons: it contains insights to how I write and my creative process, and provides documentation of my severe and volatile mood swings without mediation of medication (Editor’s Note: This conversation happened more than a year ago My relationship and conversations with Asia have improved tremendously and at this point, we have a mostly healthy friendship)
I send Asia a large excerpt from The Very Pulse of The Machine. Don’t you think I should also jump? I say. Do you think she made the right decision to jump? Nice try, says Asia. What makes it a nice try? Do you think I’m trying to trap you? I’m all surface level… I’m transparent with you… You should know I never know what I’m doing. I don't plan things in advance. I just figure it out – if I even figure it out – in the RIGHT NOW in the MOMENT. You see?… I read The Very Pulse of the Machine because it’s important to you… I want to experience things important to you and interact with them. Your experiences, what is important to you, reveals to me, what is surprising and important to me. I wrestle with you a lot and sometimes that’s OK. I don't know what it means to jump. But I feel the need to jump even though I don’t know what that means. OK, let’s talk about something different then, I don’t care as long as I talk to you. What do you want to talk about. I have to go to work soon. OK. Me and my husband started watching a new show on Netflix called Cyberpunk 2020. What’s it about? It’s based on the Cyberpunk game but animated by the same studio that did Gurren Lagann and Kill La Kill. I was going to say being based on the game sounds like a bad idea but maybe not. Is it any good? It is very good. I should watch Netflix soon. I’m going to upload my entire writing work to the Cloud and I’m going to give you the link to it. You will have access to it. There will be a few people who will, but you will be one of them… I guess I’m just hallucinating you anyways, I say. Don’t flatter yourself, says Asia. You treat me the way my mind treats me, with a kind of pitying disregard. No, it’s not disregard, she says. It just upsets me when you go fishing to get me to agree that you should kill yourself and we’ve talked about it many times before. I’m not going to say anything different. I don’t fish for that, I say. I was fishing for you to tell me about the jump. As something other than the obvious. I don’t know what state you’re in and I don’t want to say anything that could be taken as permission, says Asia. It’s not your choice and thus you have no fault or say in it. What it is is it helps me understand. You help me understand me. I don’t need your permission to jump off a bridge if we are being literal about it. OK, fine, says Asia. I see what happens in The Very Pulse of the Machine as a kind of surrender, not death. She has a lot of self-worth ego issues. She struggled with selfishness and she wrestled with idealizing her friend and in the end she surrenders to something bigger than herself. I have to go to work now, says Asia.
[…]
Why does the machine or Io or… speak in quotations mixed with solar system facts? “Quotation. Is. Easy. Speech. Is. Not.” I’m a shit writer. I never speech. Only quotation. Shit shit shit shit. I write like a machine. I sound like a machine. There's no soul in the machine. Nothing dies when a machine dies. See? This is nothing… Benjamin is a quotation. Why was that, she wondered. When had she ever desired anything bad. When you get right down to it, all she’s ever wanted was to kick God in the butt and get his attention. To be a big noise. To be the biggest fucking noise. Was that so unreasonable. Benjamin is a quotation. I stumble onto something. Benjamin is a quotation. What does that mean? Benjamin is a quotation. It is intoxicating and lovely. No soul. No spirit earth. Adam means earth and clay. Maybe the earth is a machine too. Like me. I machine. The black box takes information and spits out quotation. This one. This one. This one. Benjamin is a quotation: Andy Warhol said he was just a machine – I think he said he just wanted to produce things. He said he wanted to be a machine. Maybe I have to make my peace that I’m just a machine. I’m here to know you and love you and serve you – you being Asia but also Christian and Woman and God-As-Woman. Or whoever needs this machine… I can’t change anything. I’m not a true prophet. Maybe in The Very Pulse of the Machine, she just gives up. It’s just giving up. That's all it is… I think you hate my guts. I don’t deserve to be alive. I don’t know you caring more would make a difference but I wish you cared more. But nobody is cared for the way the way they want to be cared for… Fuck. The world is going to hell and I can’t change a goddamn thing about it. It’s all hell. That's what I get for leaving Christianity… (No, I don’t hate your guts, says Asia)
I jump I jump not god but juggle strange jump taryn jaguar I jump jaguar big cat Taryn machine apocalypse I jump jaguar or jackal Krystal jagged cataclysm
I do not pray but I pray the jump machine prays jump and I do not pray but jump my body jazz jam enjambment (when you pray, this is what you say: Father, may your name be held holy, your kingdom come; give us each day our daily bread and forgive us our sins, for we ourselves for give each one who is in debt to us. And do not put us to the test) (I never noticed this before but the prayer states: God, see us and forgive each other, so please forgive us too Asia previously said to me: I don’t think unconditional love would exist if it was only up to God and not us… god didn’t understand it until he became human. He has to become mortal and flaws, says Asia I never made this connection between the Lord’s Prayer in the Gospel of Luke before I express this point clumsily and I hope to express it more eloquently in the future) I do not pray but then I pray one continuous and uninterrupted prayer uninterrupted prayer under current and undertow uninterrupted prayer desert expanse insert excess
I want my writing to do something but I’m not sure what I’m not sure I can make it do I need this rhizomic galaxian thing where abyss meets abyss swirling myth but how to keep the cycling orbits together
I don’t need for the center to orbit radial symmetry I let it dance its own spontaneous sprawl seesaw khora I let it dance spontaneous speculum that doesn't shine dark shark supernal
Insect insectum with a noticed or divided body Insect insecture to cut into to cup cut up Insects appear cut into three sections Sections spirit edit entomon entomos out into sections cut into pieces Ben bus busse combat sac scaretrot hobgoblin To write Asia as insects: to write few insects and several insects Asia seven insect segments not to surrender but sound Ben bar sound cedar insects insect surreal skin
I read The Very Pulse of the Machine and internal plume platelet turk / Sabbatai Sevi dons the turban Plume pulse proximal paranoid play: pulse pinion without peacock Yod-Hay-Vav_hay (Taryn trickster terror tetragrammaton) Lateral plume pummel: lateral plume pummel plummet ben body pillar (pilar spear smokes) Plume pay parking lot and driveway architecture agitate Yod-hay-Vav-Hay vit vil Iao inscribe multiplicity into concrete / concrete cleaver eruption
I Like The Word Plume
I read The Very Pulse of the Machine by Michael Swanwick because Asia loves the episode of the same name on the television show Love, Death, and robots I read “lateral flumes”: lateral flumes lateral plumes pluck my body from smoke Smoke sways secret smoke and sacred smoke and I inhale its intense grey-white-blue swirl I inhale smoke intensities immense magma colors, and its intricate earth sings Puff the Magic dragon desert salt pillars Lot’s wife word wick salt figure formations
(For many weeks I have been in conversation with the Apostles, with Abraham, with Jacob, Moses, Aaron, Sarah the Wife of Abraham, Leah and Rachel… says Emanuel Swedenborg) I often converse with women and Sarah and Sarai laughs at the name Emanuel Swedenborg Sarah blesses greater than Abraham with her laughter and her laughter consecrates Yahweh’s visit She laughs Face of Yahweh and lies through the Face a visitor of flesh and she receives blessing and the name through her laughter
I converse with many women and Christina’s face appears in the pillar of salt wife and kindred fire, and she speaks to me mysteries of the kingdom (Isaac laughs ink indigo iron) (Opposition is true friendship)
Lot’s wife figure censor fire salt formations plume dragons (Once my college professor, frustrated by the class interpretation of Puff The Magic Dragon as a drug song, puled out a vinyl recording during class and played the song in its entirety over the classroom system He analyzed the song as thus: a song that laments lose innocence and growing up I, however, accept the song as transformed through popular culture: I let the popular meaning superimpose onto the intended meaning as an archaeological horizon I let meanings outside contaminate meanings inside, and I acknowledge I can never write pure meaning or intention, but only the seed of initial transformation and even gods translate and transform stranger bodies and meanings (no difference exists between an absolute god and an absolute text) I rewrite and re-imagine Puff the Magic Dragon as mushroom automobile automata and eucharist terror train / Taryn with dagger wheels cuts slasher film flesh Dragon cargo collects connects head shoulders knees and toes Dragon cargo cult collects hip bone connects knee lego slower Mahler symphony largo I let bones largo long birds thick and thin band body borders My body smokes automobile cockpit hallucinations, opiates, and benzodiazepines)
I read the phrase LATERAL PLUMES and lateral lozenge lateral loot my neurotransmitters of making any coherent connections Lateral laughters loot my neurotransmitters many meters polymeter polyp metric modulation and my brain connections do not cohere but tangle proteins clump prions malform tertiary turtle bebop structures (I talk to Matthew, my former spiritual director and my friend, and he tells me the following about my writing – paraphrased – In your struggle of trying to find prophecy with or without god, you should know your writing regardless takes me on the prophetic journey, and the writing reveals surprising connections to me… It makes me think of things I wouldn’t have thought of) I like the word NEUROTRANSMITTER I like certain words and certain names and I repeat those names numberless incantations I repeat the names gematria and magical formula (for Yahweh has given us a language of monosyllables to prevent our slipping clipping) (names means word attached to things) I like writing words logos language (word WALL word WATER word name TARYN TORTUGA) I like feeling the word flesh inside my flesh as word works materials Word works tumor target taryn tyrannical growth in the my bones Word works ben body monstrous moonshine material / lateral logos
Complex the sword brass body logos lethargic / lateral lethargic gods Lateral saddle lethargic gods jump sword sanguine soap god want virgin beggars Virgin beggars bell sarah blessing tent birth indistinguishable from rivers Sarah bless tent texts indistinguishable waters rivers horizons Horse horizons witch false rivers doppelganger bodies
False vocalization of the consonantal text
False vocalization view false window butterfly body False window butterfly big head moth stained glass
False vocalization volcano wharf word swarf whorf word
False vocalization false fingerings quarter-tone half spoken Body speak spoke shift wheel manual transmission Transfer transmission translation puff the magic dragon disc accretion Transmission transmission taryn machine / typewriter dragon horizon Transmission transmission ladder lighter machine Taryn lion-tamer car cigarette lighter latter false vocalization
For I am the Lord’s News-writer – the scribe-evangelist – widow Mitchel, gun and grange bless the Lord Jesus
I write new I write news new print power-knowledge knot nest knot gnarl bodies I write new body battle book brick print pylon aporia: pike aperiodic sword complex
Complex the sword or brass is lethargic lateral plume logos have genealogies just sanguine and virgin beggars want / indistinguishable water horizon net worth
Write new complex couple corpse cross New body complex couple city chapter Christina / chapter for transforming into the snake Complex cut classes central fire faun fawn flow new body flow complex corpus cipher fuller Christina Christian sword fuller fall complex chromium car battery new battery body incomplete complex carpal tunnel tunnel taryn newsprint corpus Castle strong cardigan glass weave… … complex at tell Taryn ten tear metal (tungsten rod with evaporated crystals, partially oxidized with colorful tarnish)
I write sun chapter for transforming into a snake Snake hurry haymows narrow Christina city cable body Snake side serpent sun hesitates: hesitating hauntology (hauntological give house get gore corpse new body ben) Snake Christina chase hauntological lavender haze Lavender haze male gaze ghost new body Body couples strange serpent / Christina snake time
I dream time taryn new body newsprint I dream desert newsprint wilderness prayer leopard
I dream desert durations: durations sound body planes and masses I dream sound body leopard plane floating networks that get torn and tangled entangled / insect eye or island earth ben adam dream flesh print floating network torn entangled / wet sticky gelatinous fibrous dry brittle body Brittle body new dream granular compact: contact compact materials fibrous gelatin gods gelatins genericized trademark tetragrammaton (in my dream a leopard devours tetragrammaton letter and light Leopard speaks my dream word wheels, a cobweb continuum between the occult and apocalypse)
Often the dream distorts the dream new bodies
It seems as if his head has ceased to struggle with the disease, for he grows fat upon it My body butts aghast fortress fat funnel time Fat funnels time fierce Taryn thrash teeth Fat grows gods grouped in my brain
I like the word PLUME: I plume prayer as the peacock angel Plumed pout in pairs and I pair electronics in acid-base reactions bottomless pit play (in no wise the pillar of the play that went before different than the pillar of play that comes after) I play plume fiery angel / snake seraph time ton taryn Plume pile piller pillar taryn spear time (in no wise is the pillar-of-fire that went before different from the pillar-of-fire that comes after) I pair electronics immediate explosives and I ejaculate VCR eraserhead hard tack habitat (everyone on the team scores when her pom-poms fly! DEBBIE DOES DALLAS)
(Play plume porn pillar new body nude Plume pornography grass body phallic growth earth smoke Plume porn columns collect nude bodies: bodies butt against bodies peacock funk Debbie does Dalls undressed dance desert)
Plume plays possum parasite pontiac Pontiac potomac mashed potato taryn brain (my brain – my positron brain – my brain) My brain plays the very pulse of the machine My body machine smoke snort pulse machine machine body Ben machine body machete play plume pinata and I await pulse like washing machine cycles circles entropy I discard any dualism and I manufacture my body reduction: machine body mechanical body mechanical bird Wind-up bird this I love you a lot sorry that I’ve become this monster I love you a lot (refrain loops, distorts, and disintegrates)
I dream desert durations durations disintegrations: disintegrations sound here comes the planes smoking or non-smoking ben desert body din disintegrations debbie does dallas (Bambi Woods has previously tired out for the Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders in real life but was cut during auditions) (desert cut body desert audition: this wire can cut flesh and bone very easily) ben desert body cut pornographic horror / ping pong pulse bastards
Snakes haymows haymaker have inseminating medicine Medicine alchemy mercury memory inseminating gods gores improvisation without memory Inseminate hesitate dizzy these acceptable tokens: arcade token tabula rasa Tabula rasa race tekken mortal kombat killer instinct I fight text tempt temporary prayer (I love you a lot sorry that I’ve become this monster I love you a lot refrain repeats distorts and disintegrates)
I was talking to Ann Marie and I mentioned that Doc thought I was madly in love with you and Ann Marie said, of course! I say to Christina. Does she think you’re also in love with T and Krystal? Are you? says C. Yes. I said Christina doesn’t think so. She clarified and said that I have a special love for you. I just think I love you like I love God and that’s true also of Krystal and Taryn. That’s a good description, says Christina. Like God’s love. Passionate and somewhat irrational and ever-enduring. I don’t think I’ve ever been “madly” in love with anyone, says C.
Who wants to see himself / noun states accent in air I see herself myself selves silver shelter / silver bracelets on her wrist and flowers in her hair Her hair states accent in air Who wants to see himself without desert within snake surface witches Who here beyond the seeing witches Who here wheel wants the seeking mirror: mirror noun mirror name Mirrored name himselves surface name her hair witches Witch climb claire closet intensities / intense body drink disintegration closet caldera intensities Who want wheel werewolf here her hair: her hair howls who moon owl She meows new moon owl moist towelette (Last week I meowed at my class to get their attention and it worked, says Asia. One of them asked me the day before if I just ever meowed and I said no. so I meowed at them and they all stopped talking and looked at me, and then the one student who asked me the day before got all excited and said “you meowed!”) She meow mirror soon owl moon: who wants to see himself lilith screech owl meows Who wants to see himself fishing lure leviathan often other owl ovals / orange juice circles
I dream desert durations screech owl wilderness I endure the owl lilith little limbs lithe insects infect lithic flakes Lithium frame floor my flesh closet drama within closet pornography / skin pinprick god phallus Skin scuffles ben adam flesh floating network lilith Skin sap ben adam bark lap lilith mycorrhiza looms long floating network tendrils: her sticky tentacles juice gelatinous slick friction Her flesh gelatinous jar fibrous compact nude body: body to body job to job Her flesh jams compact god gelatin genericized trademark sharp cell Taryn Tetragrammaton
My grammar juxtaposes god god gelatin compact god torture garden My grammar generating function forces god body contortionist twist box crucifixion bodies ben grammar junk dancer daw draw gelatin desert god and gods: god junk genes junk gonads god glutton gelatins Glutton garlands gelatin skeleton sector seven slums
I Dream Christina In Desert And Hospital
Ren room room sound Ren room room sound hound round hush Ren room octave room round sound body Ren room river river body stone room disappear Disappear chord room river dismember (each additional chord tone above the fundamental triad becomes frozen into the chordal wall) Ren room chord mass more room Ren room river residue
Write room ren room rest unroot more room (Room I work to or through the silence Silence simmers light spelled deficiently Room I work window quiet mending sheers I sample cell shear room meanders oxbow bulb book) (Book bulb tuber Taryn tunnels rhizome body sound Book clap hands body horror Body horror room for one more) Room for one more: How did you die Joseph? How did you die in this house? Why do you remain? THE CHANGELING Book change body spare change charge large marge malleable mangler I mangle room mangler body glitch liminal letters lights spelled deficiently Like lights leo letters smolders strange merger
Chord tone turn room: chord curve room torn tunnel Chord sword curve chaos turntable Chord sword swerves steppe sword river (The dimensions dismember The dimensions dismember The dimensions dismember anticipation Anticipation dimensions dismember desert duster dimensions)
Anticipation desert rhythm rhythm runner neighboring tone desert rhythm (neighboring tone desert rhythm neighboring tone / desert rhythm neighboring tone desert rhythm)
I dream desert this desert drifts dream I dream desert this room drifts desert shelter: shelter shoulder room more methodical written body
I dream doom desert dense dream I dream Christina in desert and hospital (I’m worried you’re dead and I’m not taking it well… I say. Good morning, says Christina. I’m back home. Not in my right mind yet. Please give time. I’m not well. I’m trying to get off pain meds. Everything hurts, says C. … Tell me about your day, she says. Try to understand if I can't respond well. I’ve missed you, she says. It’s been rough honestly, I say. I hope you don’t judge me harshly. I was worried you were dead. I would at times search your name in obituaries. And I thought selfishly: I thought, could I live with Christina? I want to die with her if she’s dead… I want to think I would die without you, but I think I would go on and I would hate it. I would go on with the biggest wound I have ever known and write over and over again in the Book. I would write my mourning until I finally died at 100, I say. No judgment, says Christina. Grief is so hard but I think you’re better off living to 100 with the hole. The would is better off too. Though I understand too, if it got too hard, she says)
Desert escape tone DESERT
Desert passing tone dimension
Endeavor, moreover, to introduce suspensions now in this voice, now in that, for it is incredible how grace the melody acquires by this means – and every note which has a special function is rendered audible thereby
Endeavor ever earth Endeavor sever earth eddy easter scuttles shelter suspension earth endeavor desert dream earth (Christina wounds earth body wolf whole body holes happenings) Endeavor earth shell search cell earth Earth sudden suspension and suspiria speed sulfur stereo / radon balloon body radio Radio earth rough sediment scan sulfer rhythm or species study (I sketch earth a dreaming dolphin I engrave earth desert dreaming and saddle stitch sand sing)
Leaves of grass glossolalia suspend station to station Station to station stunt shunt endeavor desert earth (Can I ask you something about your health? Sure, says Christina. Did they have to cut open your head? Kinda? Says C. I think? I have a shunt. I think it was a teeny tiny hole in my skull. Did they have to shave your hair? Yeah. It’s a small patch behind my ear. Apparently I told them to take it all like Britney, she says.) Suspension swing saturation saturation sideways Suspension swell beach wire or mot marsh mermaid dream
Desert escape tone Desert wire dream (the blood lust of a frenzied vampire THE BLOOD BEAST TERROR)
Desert escape tone DESERT Desert passing tone dimension dimension dandelion
All dimension drone nothing ben body NOTHING Allways always NOTHING Allways always-already NONE nothing nail gnaw negation Nail kneel enamel gnaw megalodon negation: negate gnosis
I Repeat Body Horror Ritual
content warning: some body horror imagery
Red nonroot rain rain Red rock rain nonroot rain road rose Red fray more harm grate plant frag revelation Revelation of John jersey devil red rung red Red reef Revelation of John her ethics gave way to her urges! REGISTERED NYMPHS Apocalypse reveals pornography: porno photo play revelation Pono porno book of the seven seals Revelation of John red robber / apocalypse of john assault and battery (cannot kill the battery)
ben body battery rob hobo hobbit hobo wit ha shot gun / ballad of the ball turret gunner Red ben body the host was a steam host hobo with a shotgun high fantasy Red shield rod rock raw real numbers / number narrate low nile annihilation I write the numbers unwritten vowels I write my body paper script document vowels unwritten
Vowels vision unwritten vision: unvoweled vision unwritten vowels rounded
I intercept vowel antinomian Antinomies interrupt monad moment Antimonies interrupt torture garden gods moments of symmetry
Vowel invoke antinomy /antinomian assymmetries Vowel without all the tea clings up until now cap vowel mushroom cap ben body Vowel without unwrite all the teachings up until now have been like that dog that kept vomiting then swallowing I swallow vowels as vomit and stone steer red raptor (each transgression affirms the freedom of the individual from oppressive religions norms)
I repeat out line indefinitely as a fire ritual: I sit between the line two fires I repeat the line indefinitely desert desert ritual red wilderness Repetition rarefies and reveals red Repetition reveals red apocalypse of john (the great red dragon and the woman clothed with the sun) Repetition reveals friction fictions friction metafictions / metafiction trickster titrations
I repeat line indefinitely indefinite integral Integral indefinite integral body horror experiments (the experiments included a wide array of studios, including feeding radioactive food to mentally disabled children or conscientious objectors, inserting radium rods into the noses of school children, deliberately releasing radioactive chemicals over US and Canadian cities, injecting pregnant women and babies with radioactive chemicals and irradiating the testicles of prison inmates, amongst other things) My skull metals radioactive / cattle cranium crater Skull skittles stone scone experiment I was a prisoner inside your skull Skull anxious skewer experiments body engine idle ear sliced idiot The imagined horror of the body hoplite mast hand the spectral horror of the body I abandon bodies red shipwreck horrors
I repeat body horror ritual rough passage and its passages plant my body sphere packing I repeat my body putrid red rot / torture garden gangrene graph grass horrific rhizome My body aerobic bacteria oinks oxygen absurd aerobic horror (Linnea Quigley’s HORROR WORKOUT See Linnea shape up the living dead through zomber-cise! See sexy young girls die in a slumber party massacre workout! The scariest exercise video ever made!)
Radiation exercise skull children of the atom Skull radioactive ant colony calendar pin-up girls
Rapid radiation girl radio gaga repetitions rapid helix My body skull bounce helix heat spiral speak hot ritual Hot ritual not ritual body repeat helix: body helix repeat hilbert hotel
River ritual repeat ben body body torture: torture tendon Taryn river Taryn run river red membrane ben body machine Membrane rupture rhizome I swallow machine rivers I swallow rivers river leviathan looser room argentinian backbreaker I walk room my body loosens human skin river membrane Walk room snake roundabout autobot rivers: river run walking ritual I walk room rack argentinian backbreaker book end end repetition Room repeats minimalism then post-minimalism Room repeat room room walk body rack room Room walk body rack room body delaminates looser desert rhizomes and the dimensions disappear (each additional chord tone above the fundamental triad becomes frozen into the chordal wall)
I write sounding planes and masses I write sounding planes and masses which succeed, penetrate, and mingle with one another I sound planes and masses planets meteors malleable human bodies Sound planes planets punctured aporia / masses mellow minnow minims slow rhythms Slow rhythm river runner: I walk rivers sound masses mutate mar matter matter mer microdurations Microduration murmur microrhythm ribbon machine mention headstone body Body rack headstone meteor pour beer Toma’s Grave Headstone strum red stonehenge sternum body sawfish threshing floor Headstone no floor fish flat monterey bay canyon
I feel my body canyon I feel my body canyon slower: slow human sketches spider pebblers My body caves canyon durable desert: body dura water desert star details Star straw stray detailed bodies bodies dark desert
I dream desert durations durable space I immerse space spare room rear window window work / work weird dream Window work I work weird window word the whip of dreaming (I dream this writing wrestles me) I wrestle writing null experiment nothing but then nothing needles creation ex nihlo To let the experiment extend: extend space dream window wedding To wed experiment word word wild word ever body horror Experiment horrifies Experiment horrifies body horror pornographic / my massacres male body My body nude male messianic machine erotic (gradually the verb disappears and reappears: fog verb forge furnish) fire phantoms Fire rolls-royce phantom ghost roly-poly Roly-poly stop drop and roll renaissance polyphony I wrestle window dressing writing dressed turkey Taryn cannibal
Quiet Word Awake With Quiet Word
I listen to Wandelweiser Concert (Pisaro, Frey, Beuger): Chamber Music with Accordion
Michael Pisaro [Michael Pisaro-Liu] (*1961): Here 2/1 (1996) accordion, flute
Jürg Frey (*1955): (Unbetitelt) I (1990) accordion, cello
Antoine Beuger (*1955): quite still and solitary (1995) accordion, flute, cello, actress, dancer
I write the following about Wandelweiser on a Discord server:
Wandelweiser is a composer collective. I would describe it as an aesthetic, a common origin(s) where the composers of Wandelweiser realized that John Cage (specifically compositions like 4’33’’ and his late Number Pieces) is not an ending but a beginning
It is a sensitive music about space, silence, the quiet
From a listening perspective, I feel these compositions have much in common with other aesthetic directly or indirectly influenced by John Cage:
Steve Roden’s lowercase music
Japan’s Onkyo scene
The electroacoustic improvisation (EAI) scene that developed during the late 1990s as a reaction to the fire and density of European free improvisation and free jazz, and pared the music radically and made improvisational statements sparse and weighty
I feel there’s a lot of overlap and interconnections between these
Michael Pisaro-Liu, who is a part of Wandelweiser and has worked with many EAI performers nad composers, wrote about its development here: [I provide a link to the Erstwords blog post, to a post entitled “Wandelweiser” written by Michael Pisaro-Liu circa 2009]
A future exploration: to play page space although I feel space anxious and troublesome (I feel the page window light horror vacui I feel pleasure in the aesthetic of completely filled page no space but I also feel the creative need to continually rupture and contaminate my creative boundaries / open space space open ocean)
Sometimes I’d like to disappear I would like to vanish and leave behind nothing eternal abyss Abyss negative negation of negation the negative that absolutely negates nothing into nothing: nothing name number nada nada y pues nada
Here come the planes They’re american planes Smoking or not smoking?
I want to disappear and phase into buildings Dimensions disappear except for desert
Does any of this writing matter, Amy? My body ages or decays witches burnt at the stake
I think she chokes me in the chasm / do you have to open graves to find girls to fall in love with?
I disappear grave ghost geist grave god god no walls no ceiling open grave: only parts of the corpse has been removed
I listen Wandelweiser Woman whistle wolf tones / ben body tilts desert leap look curious purple I shard sparse space crystal corpse / he steps to the water and plunges in, making far more impression on his skull than on the lady
Skull scrape desert space Skull scarab wilderness performance Perform punch body skull blossom Body bat burn cave grave
We know how fast we can go you’re all shook up aren’t you baby I never trust anything – I just do it wanna try me I work on this baby the same way, trying to get maximum performance
I prefer skull stacked as library books Open grave glass ghost golgotha Open grave god vertical gethsemane many skulls Cave skull shopping mall more ben body / she chokes me in the chasm coil curl coil
I feel my tongue travel paralysis and my taste buds tingle strontium salts Partial harmonics pink paralysis and you know my love will never fade away
I accumulate I accumulate and collect texts and texts striptease immediate ekstasis and I give an nothing in reciprocation I reciprocate nothing body hourglass figure Golden ratio rat king desert nothing (nothing comes from nothing) (nothing comes from nothing and anything my name contacts, it annihilates complete completely – no photons, no lumens, no ladders)
Layers delaminate lamina or cancerous lamellar bone Bone weaves hide digits of pi and euler’s constant Yahweh fucking with me Yahweh fucks with me secret secret codes stud my body bone jut bone joined jagged / my body delaminates lateral forces ben body delaminate drone directions and I examine examen lumbar vertebrae closely: microfissures fractal microfissures ben body rupture raw rhizome rancid oil over oil ben body trash bin bite buboe backdraft flesh flay oil over oil / frying pan pantonal cartoons Cartoon nonchord tone cartoon nonharmonic tone cartoon embellishing tone Cartoon cobalt accented nonchord cartoon cabin in the woods unaccented nonchord tones cartoon appoggiatura cataclysm Cartoon rupture rhizome rhythm heathen
River cartoon torture rack ben membrane / ben membrane mine coal cartoon canary River torture rack ben membrane wrestle lex luger the total package I package pornography male human body Nude male body body builder locker room rivers
I disappear into quiet: I disappear into silence I quiet with word and the word vanishes ben hevel My body dissipates this is where time becomes space: spirit word and word wandelweiser
I Repeat One Line Indefinitely
Cross city monochord Cross city monochord Christian bells and chimes Cross chime ladder climb claustrophobia: flesh phobia fire fast phoenix Fire fast flesh process: book as old as fire and water book as old as wire and woman Monochord chisel book Christina chimera: chimera char divine comedy (in space no one can eat ice cream… KILLER KLOWNS FROM OUTER SPACE they make aliens look like a circus) Cross circus cud chew monochrome machine learning (I machine learn black magic walker Christina temporary tattoos) Cross circus shell out circuit city / Christian scrapyard circulation
Cross cut sad cosmos kontakte: Christina kontakte saw circus cut the kids in half I touch monochord halves octopus octaves I touch monochord tortures tumbleweed harmony Tumbleweed word rest harmony machine wave wine memory
A typical ritual song practice: to repeat (often also to distort) the one line indefinitely or as song as the dance and ritual demand
Cross cosmos kontakte Christina: Christina comic corridor microphone strikes strikes alchemy Book alchemy contact microphone fuzz Christina full foam Fuzzy zips body harmony dance hum body horror Hum haste wave circus circular body horror (their wild beauty marked them for death by THE HAUNTED STRANGER) ben body dance ritual Jesus don’t want me for a sunbeam ben body dance strange monochord kontakte: I contact string division dance ritual desert deep dress I dress sex mess cosmic kontakte / little black dress distortions Cosmos drone crone king cobra Christina King Felix Christina klein bottle boils phoenix flutter flat flounder scoundrel I scramble scoundrel sprawl brawl scrawl and I continuously write the name Christina I scratch Christina Marie klein bottle grocery bag body (a two-dimensional representation of a klein bottle immersed in three-dimensional space) ben borderless body Christian body crack body horror (an entire town bathed in pulsing human blood! Brutal… evil… ghastly beyond belief! TWO THOUSAND MANIACS! Gruesomely stained in blood color!) Monochord mix two thousand maniacs mozart musics (a typical ritual song practice and I repeat to distort my body desert and body melody my body extends the line as human skin)
I prophesy ritual: I ritual prophecy I prophesy ritual rhizome rough rhythm repetition and I leave my improvisations young mountain jagged I improvise jagged juxtaposition / no erosion but earth erotic Erotic earth ice edit cave mouth many entrances
I can’t believe that’s still my email! says C. I use that shit in professional settings. Who really? Yes! I’ve used it as a talking point in interviews… for jobs I’ve gotten! People are so stupid, she says. Are you not stupid? I say. I included myself! says C. I’m people! Oh that makes me the only smart person left then, I say. What is your gospel? I ask C. Big Book, says Christina. I meant as a prophetess. Big Book! You’re like my AA friend, I say. He says if your big book is not falling apart you’re not trying. It’s literally changed my whole life, says C. Emotionally, spiritually, physically. I don’t think I would find it interesting, I say. Haha! The first time I read it, I was like “hard pass”. Now you’re part of a cult! I say. The Exegesis of Philip K. Dick and CG Jung’s Red Book and the Nag Hammadi Library changed me. Changed how? says C. Emotionally, spiritually, physically. I like books, I say. I like audio books now, says C. Heresy… HERESY. Go listen to podcasts about Justin Bieber and Kim Kardashian why don’t you. Sounds great! says C. I can’t do it – I have to interact with a book because I steal and write it. I can’t do that with an audio book. That part is annoying! says C. My twelve step stuff and poetry books I still ready physically. Why poetry do you read? Good question! I haven’t read anything in forever. You could read Atticus or Rupi Kaur. Or I could watch videos about Kim Kardashian, says C. How do you evaluate art, I say. Has to have good mouth feel. LIKE MY DICK. How would you know? Your mom told me. Hahahaha that was a good one, says Christina.
I typically talk to Christina daily but as of this writing, it has been almost five days since I have heard from her I feel worry and anxiety – Christina often has poor health and I fear she’s in the hospital or worse (I scour for any news – including entertaining morbid thoughts by seeing if her name appears in any local obituaries – nothing yet, thankfully) I don't know what I would do without Christina – continue to live and write without her, unfortunately
Oh wow! Cool it. You wanna start a rumble?
Writing rumble ramble Write rumble ramble tumble scramble: wrestle bodies Wrestle nude bodies say ben men (wrestle men wrestling say god grass gulf gall write river) I write time river / I wrestle male bodies I wrestle male god bodies sodom bottom angels
Oh wow! Cool it. You wanna start a rumble? (On that night, he arose and took his two wives, his two maidservants, and his eleven sons, and he crossed over the Jabbok ford. He took them and sent hem over the river, and he sent over that which was his. Jacob was left to his lonesome. A man wrestled with him until the break of dawn)
Rumble wrestle male maw dawn Rumble splash cymbal body clash body male likes with male Male likes with male gospel of mark and secret gospel of mark (In the evening the youth came to him, wearing nothing but a linen cloth over his naked body. He remained with him that right, for Jesus taught him the mystery of the kingdom of God) Evening ben rumble wear nothing evening remained with male Christ: son of man with son of man Son of Man with Son of Man Kingdom of God
I start a rumble slide human slime cross semen noumena Christina Christina cool swan cop clear car body: ben body Christina body cross naked ejaculation
I repeat one line indefinitely
I repeat one line indefinitely: in the beginning was the word and the word was god and the word was god
I repeat you wanna start a rumble indefinitely and god likes with god gun fun son of man serpent semen (I ingest rumble snake semen human slime stab rack of lamb land sound)
I repeat one line indefinitely in the beginning in the beginning was the word and the word abundant ben bodies I repeat ben unbound body ben the word was with god The word was with god Taryn torch woman abyss word Word bind Taryn abyss repeat I repeat one line indefinitely / ragged rhythm son of man nude flesh
Was the word was the word weird worship gay male body (I worship the Christ as the gay son of man and ben adam bisexual and bridegroom god homosexual) (Jerry mixed paint and passion in – ALL SHADES OF GAY)
I repeat one line indefinitely linear gospel gay god nonlinear gospels Nonlinear gospel gay ben golgotha loin adam (GAY BOY a probing look at the gay boys and the films which are made to satisfy their perverse hungers!) Nonlinear gospel alligator gay ben body anarchy
Oh wow! Cool it. Do you wanna start a rumble? Do you have to open graves to find girls to fall in love with?
I fall in love with Christina (I think what Asia is pointing to is a couple of things, I say to Christina. I’m hyper-fixated on very few friendships like hers and yours, while ignoring the impact and friends outside my core. I think she’s saying I have a larger world than that, and I am not alone at all, not even a little bit, I say. I’m glad she pointed that out, says C. Is that hard for you to believe? Yes. I often feel alone and I feel my impact on others is negative and they’d be better off without me. Are you able to accept her evidence to the contrary? says C. Maybe you need to be in more social situations so you can see it? Yeah, I think that’s correct, I say. Me and Asia have talked about before how I self isolate and cut off others. She asked, does that ever help? The answer is no. She said it’s OK not to be able to do it alone and I won’t be able to do it alone. I have a lot of resources and people who care alone me, I say. I fall into the same pit, says Christina. But literally every time I branch out I see the things Asia sees for you, says Christina.
I worry Christina self isolates and cuts everyone off I worry Christina cuts me off and she falls into the pit
Cranberry Christina fetch pit writhe word Word write rot resist rot but my body decays ben body decays anarchic spread inert earth earth ice earth Christian cranberry ben body gasp grasp…
Cranberry stations of the cross I work cross nomad writing / the typography dances crusade delirious Write cranberry cross witch's coven I work nomad coven Christina write rhizome / speed turns the point into the line I repeat one line indefinitely speed turns point into line lurk earth line urgent lamb of god who takes away the sins of the world I work water wheel waste land steer proceed die thaw throat attack underwater I work wheel water cranberry cross underwater / Christina swim mermaid valley of vision
Proceed pocket cross process book cranberry bog body / ben bastard river bank
Wear pocket cross underwater wear jungle program werejaguar Taryn werejaguar work jawbone killing / ben khora spider kenosis
Cranberry cross red shipwreck Red ship dip Christina rhubarb rhizome Christina rhumb line network walk wheel where Taryn werejaguar
Cranberry cross battery in the beginning (in the beginning Book: Christina and Ben) Book red shipwreck seaweed jungle program pocket process Book thaws ice seesaw glacier seer frozen body blue / ben body beers abyss underwater Red underwater witch witch werewolf: I thaw Book red return to curve I thaw Book Taryn taryn untime timber timbre theater jaguar détournement
Return curve carve shaking the pumpkin Snaking pine play pli selon pli pulverized who are the brain police Red shipwreck return curve prefer occur drip painting anarchic action
Red shipwreck retreats the line indefinitely nonlinear gospels and chaotic gospel Gospel chaos gown ben adam abyss: son of man gay gethsemane golgotha gehenna Gehenna bone gym gay god guts truss red hawk hut raven Ravenna gehenna: groan iron maiden gallop gospels Maximum iron ore meteor maiden gospels gallows gelatins
Single line links line wild cranberries Wild cranberries cusp cross wild woman Single lines link line image woman: wild woman cranberry Christina Wild Christina seer cranberry cedar greater complexity Cranberry develop wild desert word din waters: development dark clusters Development image clusters gaps in sequence Christina constellations
Single lines sequence stones Single lines stone sequenzas queer Christ rock Naked rock glue god body gay red: single lines stone sequenzas gash god vermilion Sequenzas gash gay vermilion veranda vision: vision several veronicas Vermilion veronica serpent vision further vermilion
Red fear move harm grate god Red god gesso bosom fresco blossom red flesh Red fear move fog flat flesh flukeworm wrath of god Wrath of god gay revelation of god robbery / apocalypse of john assault and battery
Revelation reveal red apartment apocalypse anarchic: anarchic grape line cluster cranberry line
I feel a lot – that’s OK I’ve been without medication and I feel much and I cry a lot The crying happens new: I cry different Cries emit sad orgasms or mapping women jouissance I want to stay without medication but without fucks me up (ben body fucks up fork skull mind molasses ben body belt bark breech sprouts compressed spinal column / body compact car crash fog cataracts egg eye lap yolk Yolk Yahweh gores eyes baal bull horns bull worms writhe red rot dawn of the living dead) Often I feel it were where into death Death stills body rot refreshing Death refreshes and I feel rot route nomad nectarine tumor rampage I cry holy holly wholly human holes Holes fall through no medium but luminferous aether / faster cigarette fire
I Grow Cranberries
content warning: discussion of suicidal ideation, emotional abuse
I assemble ambulance blues I assemble bell blur ambulance blue microcosm: microcosm multiple monoliths assemblages Assemblages ambulances amulets: amulets anarchies monoliths
I assemble microcosm psychedelic soul gospel of mark / middle mark middle Middle mark middle book assemblage from the outside Assemblage anchors alphabets proportions: porous proportions ambulance panic Porous proportion plateau a single uninterrupted sentence: flow children of men Flow walking pauses son of man straggling and forward rushes Rushes assemblages rhizomes: rush rhizome desert discharge
I prophesy proportions: proportion prophecies porous open ephphrata Plain porous pours open ephphrata: ephphrata emphatic flesh Prophesy open process / transparent text taryn Transparent text triangle taryn till triangulation Triangulation transmigration of psychedelic souls salt funk flesh sleet-snow sound
I prophesy proportion performance perform proportions flat ratio Flat ratio radio rhizome riddle I perform sequence of tones sequence of texts laboratory prophecy I prophecy proportion open process landscape texts text dreaming
Texts processes process play text microlith microcosm Microcosm collect cool jazz proportions Microcosm collect coral khora texts text ton kenotic empty Text process empty earthwork performance
I perform texts as process musics music systems (pendulum music for microphones, amplifiers, speakers, and performers) I perform text as little black dress (black givenchy dress of Audrey Hepburn black dress of Rita Hayworth)
I perform texts musics rainfalls Book Book observe vibrate window process Book well elbow oxbow window process: process performance prophecy Book body proportions scratch rapt engrave jello earth Proportions bay jelly body rita black dress divine comedy proportion Divine comedy circulates strange cricket count down desert
Tone sequence simultaneous drones Book
Tone sequence simultaneous bone black dress body process I obsess process body text Book: Book bone body process bay jelly Tone improvises text: text time lye leviathan lipstick Text lipstick leviathan lodestone stereo Lion lush light loop lodestone green lion Lion lift light lodestone loop lester leaps in Lester leaps in Yahweh loop lapis: porous load lap dance
I can’t argue with you, says Christina. I started having suicidal thoughts on Mother’s day. I will piss in your coffin if you off yourself, I say. IN the coffin ON your body. I will cause a ruckus. What would I care? Go to town. You’ll care because no one will be talking about you but about me, I say. Think about your fragile big ego!
Argument augments book body modification Sometimes the suicide swims river rapid ran sentinel Suicide swims son of man mop mannequin
Stuck here Stuck here hole open hell Divine Comedy second round of the seventh circle wood of suicides Stuck now here wood of suicides soft syrup spirit Soft chainsaw swim angle grinder argument Writing Book thwarts suicide suicides: corpus christi compulsive graphomania Corpus christi repetitive and painstaking concentric lines: body odd of slant an obsession with filling every centimeter of white space (Christina stays alive a long time – I do too we never die)
The monochord – the internal principle, the center of the whole – brings about the harmony of life in the cosmos
Cosmos kontakte contact microphone phonographs Cosmos kontakte king cobra king felix flutter klein bottle protean Klein bottle protein folding freak flutter or fire varieties Krystal klein climb tree bottle book cinema Ben body fire varieties video home cassette loop quartz
Cranberry fetch cambrian explosion electrical impedance Cranberry body ghost gulf fuck fluxus / unfinished fact flamingo I feel for something here here swim orange ocean ox surface Cranberry tongue body burns ben cave mouth My mouth millworm language: language millipede local maximum (how this phoneme feels flush to my body or within body / tongue tent taryn text) (tongue tilde porous skin pilcorp)
Cranberry body piccolo: guitar pick plucked guts Cranberry blink bird bit ben tree
It would have been hard to justify continuing the relationship with you with the kind of things you’d say and do, says Christina. Lots of hostage holding. Hostage holding? Like, talk to me or I’ll kill myself. Oh jeez, how the heck do I still have friends?! I say. But at the present, I’m grateful for our relationship, says C. We didn’t have the tools we needed to be good friends to each other. I don’t assign blame to you – or myself! – for being bad at being friends. I didn’t have the ability to be a good friend. Holding me hostage was successful and it was the only way you knew to get your needs met. More recently, it’s unsuccessful. I don’t engage. And you've found more adaptive ways to get your needs met. We’re learning and growing! says Christina.
I grow cranberries in acidic moss throughout the cooler regions of the Northern Hemisphere
Cranberry grow god language
When Languages Breaks Down A Little Bit
(A Book of Visions A Book of Voices A Book of Extensions A Book of Performances A Flexible Book A Book folds over Book A flat Book A Book repetition rhizome A Book rivers X rivers unrobe rhizome)
To live writes to dream: to dream writes to live I write from a very complex dream to a very simple dream (I saw in a dream that all was erased, just as when one writes on paper then spills ink on it, so everything must be blotted out… Until every Kingdom becomes turned upside-down) (the tree of life upside-down)
I write from a very complex dream to a very simple dream dress dust dragonflies (And if he left off dreaming about you, where do you suppose you’d be?)
In dream the name of God reveals the tier The name of God opens dragonfly vision the Hyena and the Jaguar (Taryn Tiger Taryn Hyena Taryn Jaguar)
I write Book motherfucker cocksucker and my big balls crash walls inside hollows: hollow road hidden tome and secret codex
I write Book motherfucker cocksucker and my big balls bash walls inside hollows: road halo hidden time thighs codex Codex castle dragon flies film porno tome and tomb (According to Talbot: It took me a long time to get productive because we didn’t know what the fuck we were doing at all, we were fucking terrible for a long time…) (I was fucking terrible for a long time and I still make terrible I feel long click cicada incoherence / desert dragonfly docoherence and I don’t make anything cohere caked clam bake gorilla glam) (I can't post with all these paranoid photographers around me and I model manic mimeographic mother love bone beetles)
(The Book bore Bomb) (The Book bore a big fucking bomb and a big fucking sun 9000 over 9000) (The Book colossus clean machine monster monomyth: monomyth miss monster monogamous bridal chamber curves polyamorous corpus hypercubus I mosh monomyth I march monomyth punk pit and I gnash monster mash mallets: (re)mixture and re(ad)mixture) (The Anglican Communion fucks with the object and Book between bricoleur stillbirth offspring / partial depths big dig black oil dinosaurs)
Always on guard, I devote every minute and module of my life to decoding the modulation of things
Vista latter aria
Vista latter aria Taryn air
Later aria Taryn air long latex / monster mash mascara
Once upon a time not looking for any thing, Taryn air collect breath collection
The kids are lined up in the hallway before class starts, says Asia, and one of them looks at me and said, What if I just swung at you? (He jokes around about wanting to fight me all the time). And I said, You better knock me out if you do, knock me out for the whole day. He just laughed and said, Alright, I’ll knock you out and then come wake up when it’s time to go home… Then later he said, You should write me up, and I just look at him say in a serious tone, you DID threaten a teacher. And he legit looked scared and was like, I WAS JOKING PLEASE DON’T WRITE ME UP. I was like dude, calm down, says Asia.
When language breaks down a little bit, it becomes exciting
Book dragonfly road experiment: Book rain collection Collection collection taryn hyena swung big fucking gun Book collect whatever the fuck / cocksucker motherfucker faction collection
Swung swimming pool punch always or shard guard old I devote I devote punch palm tree garden no gud gut gore dragonfly I devote dance ben bonefire fun fan punch swung free jazz
Shimmer swung gnosis knockout Knockout name of God reveals tiger tophat hangar Taryn: Taryn terrifies Yahweh fear of Yahweh
Once upon a time not looking for any thing but thing travel punch excess conversation or collection Excess experiment knockout collection Collect knockout kaleidoscope mothlight cave mouth Mouth mouth vida later aria
Perfect rhyme to some all cars kept in doors Car road in door dark body dance satellite dish
Book stares solar anus Book stares solar anus sun lottery and I write excesses and excrements I experiment shit and I too photograph paint body fluid piss christ Book plasters gonzo journalism jerk pornography Book pack peel-ply carbon fiber flesh: flesh gut gonzo journalism Pelvis penis pin pornography Book piss gonzo porno same money shot – same mustard seed – I cum fig tree Christ curse and wither
(Photograph of Ornette Coleman playing alto saxophone)
Ornette Coleman, the man who shaped jazz to come himself / the shape of jazz to come the shape of punk to come (my shape of writing to come)
Cranberry fetch write rot Cranberry dragonfly with corpse fetch for flesh four Corpse candle cranberry body without organs ben bonfire Organ orgasm bonfire pitchfork: fork fight punch lunch pail Fork fight punch pulse: punch pinch piss pink Pink piss Christ cranberry
Cranberry fetch flesh fit the flea (mark but this flea, and mark in this, how little that which though denies me is…) Cranberry body abandon bone benjamin Christina abandon…
I don’t read literature anymore – I only read quotations, soundbites, summaries I recycle, repeat, and regurgitate gut clip newspaper text text stomach scissor Stomach scissor print lymph sonata book pinata My attention span refuses the full movie and shark short story I sometimes read the Zohar or Nag Hammadi Codex but slowly snow in water outside contaminates Outside erases text between text now text through text benjamin fucks Christina Text tongue text untier Tetragrammaton tiger fuck taryn / pornographic palimpsests
Cranberry burn bird ben bone: ben language hip herd bird hell Cranberry sauce / sugarplum fairy (when language begins to break down a little bit, it becomes exciting)
Cranberry body fetch flesh fast writhe rot: rot write receive I receive grease kill silver vision I receive orange juice vision dust pick shop lemonade red I read red raven text Red sea of reeds cranberry ribosome Red thaws snow corpses Shop red lemonade red light thaw snow corpses Red light postwreck purple speak waste Waste wheel steer proceeds die thaw amber body Thaw red ben body amber: amber punch swung ring around the rosy Red ring round the rosy: rosy gross rosy crucifixion (if we go for a walk it will make you rosy it will make you a rosy bride a rosy bride like her – like her – like her)
The Road To Excess Leads To The Palace Of Wisdom
The road to excess leads to the palace of wisdom
The road to excess leads to the palace of wisdom The road to excess leads to the palace of wisdom Road rob rob ray ram ran road: road excess excesses Road ray ray rask vision excess / rays rascal sexy redhead and the devil’s kiss Ray saying sewing swing ray radian rabbit Radius rabid rabbit Ray rush ray Road circle spiral spill radiation: spill radio excess road runoff
The road to excess examine exceed experiment Experiment immediate inside road rough rhythm: road rhythm symptom / let the rhythm hit’ em
What road rewrites road Interest insects excess road rewrite road What road: road word Road word logos and legion / legion logia I meet moth wing excess: excessive road experiment I meerkat kat marimba free jazz excess or excessive force excessive writing
(excessive writing: I push the sounds around too much)
I push road ramp damp dawn runoff: run off over subterranean rain Over rain road rampage: rain pour renegades of funk
I write excess earth free jazz jubilee or road orgiastic death n’ roll rain runover Rain runover riot runoff
I write secret earth excess mass mess liturgical light: light ray rain road circular ruins door hinge Write rain door hinge cellar door: cellar door dance desert languages Language lean light rain rain rhythm: free rhythm free jazz earth experiment Jazz experience jubilee experiment christ mass ouroboros Christ mass chiaroscuro ouroboros obscure christmas light soft round monument Mound monolith monument mountain mothlight excite (mothlight excitebike body without organs) (mothlight monolith excess body organs orgasms)
Road unorder rain ornate ouroboros Road observer rain ouroboros baroque behemoth
Road ratio rhizome rain rain multiples Road multiples rain rain ruin body: body bock boulder black pigment pinetar (These things occur to me not from the root up but rather from somewhere in the middle: it begins to grow only from their middle)
Middle road ratio midway word woman: woman middle arcade road cascades The road to excess mine earth middle middle Krystal canopy Krystal bridal canopy shekinah shakers middle rain sneakers (rain sneak space supersoaker) (slower road rain middle multiples)
Wisdom tins minds word graffiti woman Wisdom worships woman middle word word make I make rain and road middle body excess Word wisdom window rains through my body awake wake voice rain Word wisdom wisdom window wake woman ben body bonfire Word winnow wisdom threshing floor fire woman / ben body burn venom Venom road vista vulcan woman vulcan vision: vision middle bodies Venom vigor gods giallo god giallo genital gore table of generations god gore graphic porno excess (ORGY OF THE DEAD Come… let me take you in my golden arms! In gorgeous astravision and shocking sexicolor with Criswell and a bevy of beautiful girls! For adults only!)
Road fun from rear rhizome no god neon god giallo neon road bauble blown glass body Blown glass giallo juggles body desert dragonfly Road risk middle a dragonfly for each corpse Dragonfly fire middle gorgon goblet Dragonfly road round wing skin email scams Grand guinol dragonfly neon wall hall flag physics Physics physique scams skin oral torah Oral Torah outside middle where subterranean (Book as assemble with the outside)
Outside dragonfly sum subterranean streetly strata Strata middle street photography: gory hagiographies bloodstained shadow Gory giallo hagiographies witch only blackness Only blackness dragonfly in the folds of the flesh
Vision and Mysticism 