content warning: vulgar body horror imagery
Anxiety and worry wreck my body nervous word
Body nervous interstitial fall of the house of usher /
yeah yeah shawty got down low she said come and get me
Anxiety zips shipwreck body Body nervous spits spore network disconnects (I got so caught up I forgot she told me)
I met a lady today who I accidentally set off by making a joke about ley lines, says Asia. She claimed that streets and houses disappear in Jacksonville, Florida. What was your joke? I say. That maybe it was just mold, says Asia. Poor lady, I say. You broke her brain… Why do you think fungus has become popular in horror media? I say. Because it’s gross and slimy and MYSTERIOUS, says Asia.
Anxiety worries my body bonfire wreckage / I burn the wolf to reveal the new born king
Anxiety possesses me violent-intense and I shit exorcised anxiety. I extrude or extract anxious excrement (it is at work everywhere functioning smoothly at times, at other times in fits and starts. It breathes, it heats, it eats. It shits and fucks). I shit surreptitious alchemy: I shit alchemy secret asshole prima materia anxiety shits me out burning sulfur all spore surfaces.
Nervous that fungus MYSTERIOUS Nervous accidentally streets maybe has set anxiety (off horses shit disappears) I squirt nervous place of the skull
Place of a skull salt pit sketch stone
Place of a skull salt shit marsh crucifixions
Place of the skull sacred prostitution / prostitution in the penal colony
I squirt inchworm nervous / spore colony contra black iron prison (You broke her brain. Why do you thick fungus has become caliber in mother media? Because it’s chirp all slimy all lascivious.)
(Spore colony contra black iron prison Black iron prison poisson distribution)
Anxiety intensifies and I extrude its shit steamrolled play-doh. I shit anxious alchemy and its secret asshole heats up prima material. Asshole extracts abyss – spirits hover above the waters with skull shits. Alchemical asshole loosens constipated stations of the cross. Diarrhea deconstruction exiles anxiety into Mario Brothers warp pipes. It’s always bloodletting anxiety.
I fear everything but the Book – but perhaps I should fear the Book and prophesy its mystery in awe.
//
I live in intensities intense body lived. I open my body and spread out its intensity in an attempt at dispersal / diffusion. Anxiety overlays my body with nervous bone underneath. My body open open brings my body to bloody excrement / my body dies from the inside out. Nervous tremors shake my body open hemorrhagic fever. My body disintegrates gross liquefaction (bloated body without organs). My so-called body in bloody amorphous mass spreads itself out deepwater and salt roots.
(David Lang’s The So-Called Laws of Nature / At the basis of the whole modern view of the world is the illusion that the so-called laws of nature are the explanation of natural phenomenon)
My so-called body slides slime and slimy and houses disappear and slimy and houses disappear and reappear MYSTERIOUS I die die bloody dye god comes as a dyer the felt ben anxious death
//
Anxiety and worry wreck my body Wreckages disappear and reappear that streets my body aligned in the ley lines
Body nervous spreads out its spore network in black iron prison / place of a skull soft scissor silk My nervous system ejects out my skin and roams the iron maiden black iron prison (my body so-called natural body – builds body bricks into the melting scissors)
//
I feel dead end – not dead end but exhausted burying anxious my bones bones-in and I tire but I work and work through my disappearing body-hours. I work the weird anyway / I word wyrd towards I feel dead and wild west.
Dead end wild west end end endless disappearing and reappearing. Dead end my body intensely overgrowth by any fungus (A characteristic that places fungi in a different kingdom from plants, bacteria, and some protists is chitin in their cell walls. Fungi, like animals, are heterotrophic; they acquire their food by absorbing dissolved organic molecules, typically by secreting digestive enzymes into the environment. Fungi do not photosynthesize. Because it’s gross and slimy and MYSTERIOUS.) Houses disappear and reappear because I absorb them by releasing digestive enzymes in the streets. My body absorbs the intensity and anxiety wrecks my body gross bodily dismemberment.
Dead end wild west end end endless mold-infested hordes west word. I work anyways anyway work work wanders wonder wander work (anxiety transfers my body into a cabinet of curiosities).
Curious ending ending queer curious / ending curiosities
//
I extrude or extract shit and my body works everywhere, functioning smoothly at times and other times – my body fits and starts. My body shits open intensities open bloody sets open surface breathing alive slime appearing devours houses
Tag: alchemy
I Study The Flammarion Engraving
I study the Flammarion engraving. The print depicts a man clothed in a long robe and carrying a staff at the edge of the earth where it meets the sky. He kneels down and passes his head, shoulders, and right arm through the star-studded sky, discovering a marvelous realm of circling clouds, fires, and suns beyond the heavens.
I study the Flammarion engraving and I carry my staff to the edge of the earth (I carry separate space and separate speeds. I carry speed separate spurious space. Space engraves spectral space in strict species counterpoint in Contra III The Alien Wars space. Polysemous space engraves the staff of night music.) I study into the irregular flux flowing knowledge: irregular flux flows over the rhizomic sea serpents
//
I study and print Kindred engraved in space and this is where time becomes space
I feel happy Christina is here. Christina here hovers light into heavy light illuminating here. Christina here happens into lever heavy light (Christina aether airy aether Christina). Christina here floats hex point point here heavy light Christina.
I study Christina engraved in space: Christina metric space distance points space Christina Study engraved space: space Christina speech split sit surround Christina (Crisp Christina kisses crack hack chasm slack soda pop Christina) Study engraved Christina (free jazz Christina free improvisation)
I study and print Kindred engraved in space and this is where time becomes space: this space speaks Christina chaoses
//
I study the Flammarion engraving and its alchemy imprints on my body unsteady colors / my body immersed color marriage of heaven and hell I carry my staff to the edge of the earth edgeless
I carry rod of Aaron. I carry rod of Aaron and I cast down the rod before Pharaoh and it becomes serpents. I cast down the rod before Pharoah Sanders and we blow tenor saxophone serpent glossolalia (I improvise intertwined serpents immersed Father, Son and Holy Ghost). I carry rod of Aaron apocatastasis and rod reeks bone awl and bone scalpel (I cut into scarped saw shell surfaces). Rod surfaces and floats into Christina light and her lights reveal revolutions around the X-axis. Rabbits appear in axes, Christina lights in the attic.
Feeling warm and fuzzy feelings, but also melancholy desiring feelings, I say to Christina. I was writing about the Kindred and that does it sometimes. It made me feel like I’m one of the few constants in your life. Is that fair to say, you think? Definitely fair, says Christina. You’re stuck with me, sorry to say, I say. I wouldn’t have it any other way, says C. I do romanticize the Kindred in a way, I say. Like it’s a super special relationship thing that is divinely inspired or something. I see a spiritualness in it, says Christina. What kind of spirituality? I say. I don’t have strengths in tending relationships, but this one persists, she says. My 12-steppy brain says that’s a God thing. God knows I need a very understanding to reel me in, says C. It perseveres because I keep bugging you, I say. There are plenty of people who bug me who I don’t return to. I didn’t know that, I say. I thought I was just annoyingly persistent! I reel you in? Well, I think I know it’s a good relationship, says C. It always helps me when I’m present. You are a steady and trustworthy friend. But my regular brain doesn’t think I deserve that kind of thing or think it will work out. I have to be in my right mind to recognize it for what it is. I understand that, I say. My brain does the same thing in some of my other relationships – feel like I don’t deserve it. But I don’t feel that with you. When you were gone I wrote that it felt like the natural order of the universe was disturbed and how it didn’t make sense for the Kindred not to exist, I say.
Study the Flammarion engraving and engrave the rod of the image into the road and cones of my eyes
I have no fear of making changes, destroying the image, etc. because the painting has a life of its own (I fear making changes. I make changes / I fear making changes. Christina changes metric spaces in the space of changing distances. I make changes and you are plenty of spired and how it’s super special relationships but the same: same changes. I have no fear of making changes and changes play polysemous nocturnes / wouldn’t have it any other way right music. Changes wouldn’t have it any other way polysemous. Polysemous. I keep bugging in my regular brain say you were are plenty of spired.)
I fear making changes but I continue to carry the road and staff serpent
Rod roots rhizome Rod unroots rhizomes rayonism (The Book is not an image of the world: Book forms rhizome with the world, a parallel evolution of Book and World. I do not fear changes and destroying the image, because Book invents and reinvents image in Chaos and Kindred / feeling kind and fuzzy feelings but also soundness cavitation feelings.)
The Book is not image of the world but destroys the image because the Book-World has a life of its own I study the Book engraved in world and world engraved in Book, and Book destroys-invents new process What new process: anything new What new process: text or text tunnel Text text tunnel God didn’t because spiritualness What new process: process possession text process: process possession text eroticism Possession text romanticizes Kindred divinely inspired Kindred
I study the Rod of Aaron engraved root root without root What new root without processes engraved text possessed power series (What new numbers announcing numbers – numbers no outlet and dead end – dead end nexus hex haxan) Study rod of Aaron with without rooted numbers (What new process – cell process low cut pornographic poltergeists – process new pornographic pomegranates play endless numbers innumerable – what new numbers announcing numbers)
I carry rod of Aaron abstract impressionism (Boiling wart and lisle feelings but also hovercraft marigold feelings. I was flayed about the Kindred and that does it sometimes. It home been like I’m one of those low constants in your tale. Is that fair to say, you think?)
I carry the rod of Aaron abstract expressionism. I carry blue on a point, a museum canvas. I carve canvas skin shards: human skin crystals. Human crystals engraved in canvas sharpen my skull new American art. My skull as canvas transforms canvas into ready-made bicycles, and I spin my skull as a bicycle wheel. My skull spins kinetic art bicycle stand and the moving parts part prime numbers (witch numbers and wolf numbers witch word wolf word pomegranate porneia). I carry the Rod of Aaron in the cupboard of my skull and I sift sand through eye socket magazines: prime number marionettes + marionette castlevania canvases. Castlevania canvases hammer witch numbers into earth edge roots. My skull bricoleurs canvas into anti-library / tower of babel and it babels great American novel and Flammarion engraving.
Change Direction The Shape Of Jazz To Come
Then change direction several minutes of free improvisation (the shape jazz to come)
Change direction the shape of jazz to come Change the shape of jazz to come shape shift shape Shape slip pit shape directions (directions into directions shapes)
I do not give up jazz but I shape jazz anew (Kerouac gave up Buddhism the way he abandoned everything) I do not give up jazz but shape janus both directions at once (Benjamin gives up Christianity. Benjamin gives up Christianity and I believe in desperate acts, the kind that make me look stupid.)
Then change direction several minutes of free improvisation
I was telling Asia how I was still getting used to talking to you again and how I didn’t talk to you yesterday, I say to Christina. I said I had told Christina I might feel anxiety when life becomes busy, that it might take a bit of rebuilding to feel comfortable when we don’t talk for a day or two or whatever it is. Asia suggested if one of us needs space and not talk for a bit, we let each other know ahead of time… I felt a lot of distress when I didn’t have any idea what happened to you for awhile and I think it would be a good idea if you let me know if you need to take some extended time instead of leaving me in the dark. And I will do the same for you. That’s not something I can do right now, says Christina. There will definitely be times when I’m too sad to look at my phone and in that case, there’s nothing I can do ahead of time. I think there’s a difference though not talking to me for a week and not telling me for three months, I say. I do completely understand that’s anxiety-producing, says Christina. If it’s not the right time yet, just let me know… I thought you meant like every day, she says. No, I say. I just mean like a few days you can’t talk, give me a heads up you’re OK after a bit. Definitely less than a week, says C. I’m totally good with that, I say. I do plan on getting better, says C. And I do see my relationship skills as a defect (like the 12-step definition). So I will be praying about it and asking God to empower me. I also think it helps, if you continue like today… You made it easy to connect with you even though I hadn’t read all your texts. Less pressure. I can sometimes talk a lot, I say. If you miss a lot of messages and it’s overwhelming, don’t feel obligated to read everything. If it’s super important I will bring it up or ask you. I appreciate the leeway, says C. I know it’s not ideal, but I think it will help me to take baby steps back into being friends.
Then change direction and then change direction several minutes of free improvisation (the shape of jazz to come / the shape of Kindred to come)
Then change direction I for what idea might of I I for what to not be praying with that two
Change directions dense texts / directions text dense stacked tank intensities Dense texts torch Taryn tortoiseshell intensities / erosion eccentricities Change directions a large number of rhythmically independent lines with resultant overlappings A large number bring to me telling large brings to me telling you didn’t You large number leaving in again you into I defect dark (I defect dark large numbers / defect dark large marge)
A large number of rhythmically independent lines mix defect dark with resultant overlappings defect dark dark independent (The narrative of Ben and Christina is a narrative that gives me hope. I desperately need hope and I desperately hope because I feel deathly apocalypse. Death arrives death and death attack airplane apocalypse kontake / bukkake eschaton.)
Change direction a few minutes of free improvisation (I study the Flammarion engraving. I study a wood engraving by an unknown author, so named because of its first documented appearance in Camille Flammarion’s 1888 book L'atmosphère : météorologie populaire. I study the Flammarion engravings use a metaphorical illustrative of either the scientific or mystical quests for knowledge.) Change directions a few minutes improvises free alchemy and fire chemistry engraved both directions at once
Dense texts stacked tank intensities change directions: Christina direction direct god bomb last (I feel a mix of erectness when I didn’t have its area what boltholes to you for awhile and I think it would be good if you let me know if you keep to take some extended time instead of beating me in the rich. And I will do the same for you.) Dense texts torch Taryn stalk tank intensities and Christina erodes my eccentric body always conic sections I direct text voices free polyphony
A large number of rhythmically independent lines with resultant overlappings / fused field of sound enlivened by irregular accentuations
Large number directions directions (Form blood chilly thrillers all rated R Diabolic Wedding a marriage night ordained by the devil himself. And The Gruesome Twosome in ghastly color! Astounding, stunning, bizarre: The Wizard of Gore and Edgar Allen Poe’s Legend of Horror)
Large number directions directions (Their form is human but they have crossed over… Is this sex after death? Th Witchmaker)
Then change direction several minutes of free improvisation (I said had suck Christina I might feel anxiety when life becomes safe that it might take a bit of rebuilding to feel refrangible when we don’t wind for a how or two or desiccated it is)
Texts overlap not to produce a network of interwoven independent lines but dense sound complexes that then change direction several minutes of free improvisation
I Dream The Red Alphabet
Bodies riot bell roses Bodies riot and from here on: light created, concealed, contained in the covenant, entering the rose, emitting seed into her
Ben bodies revolt laugh light: light ben bodies ben bodies I snap light loft surfaces I snap light stellar dust ajar jetstream unstressed light From here on light and from here on lights
From here on light. Lights recurs and light embeds itself in light – recursive light surfaces. From here on the surface of the light loops into light and light leaks into scripture vibrating strings. Light strings occur with dark strings, and their vibrations complete the oppositions. From here on, oppositions. Light recurs in dark and dark recurs in light hieros gamos.
Bodies riot roses and from here on, light and lights and lights multiplicity
From here on light and from here on lights
From here on her lights hera and hydra Her lights from hiss holy serpent: lights from her hiss here serpent bodies bathed in lambent light (lambent light lambda liminal liminal lamb of god who takes away the sins of the world) Her lights from low luminosity From lights her high luminosity colored lights under a Christmas tree
From here on her lights low to my body bless cup and cross
Ben bodies revolt red lights and from here on her red lights Red lights row redder light in light a rhizome rebis Rebis lights rhizome marriage of heaven and hell hermaphrodite Hell hermaphrodite aleph adjacent autumn leaves massacre alphabet (Here, I dream in red and I remember in red, and the red residue stirs the hermaphrodite rebis. I dream the red alphabet and the aleph inscribes red and further red scripture. The red here leaves my body in remnants. I reside in red remnants dream and not a dream, and my disintegrating material reorganizes itself into red alphabets.) Red hell remembers the red dream and dream repeats red marriage of heaven and hell Hell hieros gamos slits my guts red hermaphrodite aleph (alphabet adjacent autumn leaves massacre alphabet)
Bodies riot bell roses and from here on, her lights illuminate red alphabets From here on light: the fear of the eye Fear of the eye seduces and conjures sorcery (Women need men – junkies need dope – I needed both! I Made My Bed A blazing novel of delinquency – intimately… frankly… shockingly… revealed by a teenage addict) Fear of the eye seduction and sorcery / extreme seductiveness at the boundary of horror (I almost abandon alphabet but I reabsorb alphabet and alphabets into the inner conjunctiva of my eyes. I absorb the letters into my liver and letters light body lovers fuck red. I remember red and I almost abandon this Book and alphabet but then I remember red. I remember my bloody eye eyes red and the rebis hosts hell hemoglobin. I abandon alphabets but the letter slices hell connected to hell and the hell conjures red: red body sorcery and my eye emerges from red magics.) Red revolts red my body bathes in red and I do not discard the alphabet but transform it in the red guts of my body
From here on light: the fear of the eye Fear of the eye seduces alphabet and alphabet riots Book Alphabet revolts Book sorcery / extreme seductiveness at the boundary of horror (Can this earth survive against the aliens from outer space? The Body Snatchers) Eye letters seductive insect lights from her lights insects Ben bodies fire light from cups eye blessing: eye insects body compound and complex light Compound light couples complex light coupe headlights (headlight the obsessive and lugubrious eye headlights the living eye) My eyes dazzle red daggers and red raptors
The lugubrious eye revolts against seductive eye, and the erotic eye riots against the autoerotic eye (Indeed, the body does not consist of one member but many. If the foot would say “Because I am not a hand, I do not belong to the body”, that would not make it any less a part of the body. And if the ear would say “Because I am not an eye, I do not belong to the body,” that would not make it any less a part of the body...)
Bodies riot red hell light and bell roses Bodies riot and I remember red and the very red projected through my erotic eye redder
Bodies Riot Bell Roses
Bodies riot bell roses Bodies revolt beghard and beguine belligerents
Bodies riot there’s a riot going on and going riots between bodies Bodies riot ring them bells ye heathen from the city that dreams
Bodies riot bell roses and roses alarm alchemy agitprop pulse impulses pulse Alchemy alarms pulse impulse pulse play chaosmos (Bodies riot rock n’ roll chaosmos and chaos churns bodies. Bodies riot rock and stone percussion pulse chaosmos and chaos contacts divine comedy. Comic chaosmos chews comic bodies and bodies riot wild. Bodies riot rock and roll rolling and tumbling all night long.) Bodies riot bell roses red pulses redder impulses pulse red
Bodies riot bell roses Bodies revolt beghard and beguine belligerents
//
My body hosts rose heterodoxy and alchemical here heresy and the hosts crash a riot going on
A cartoon Christina crashes into karst Christina and the limestone looks towards the site towards which all eyes gaze / insect compound eyes magnify bright Christina crimson.
A cartoon Christina casts frankenstein fire flesh douglas fir. Douglas fir finds flam fire fire rose faucets (Christina a rose of sharon Christina a lily of the valleys).
I enter the spinal staircase and the staircase steps steppe rose petal aporia. I enter the spiral staircase and Christina a rose of sharon slips between rose dialectics and galactics (rose gores galatics galaga galaxian / space invaders vermilion).
A cartoon Christina churns body riots and Christian heretics
My body hosts heretics crash into Christianity dialectics and nondualism
//
Bodies riot bell roses Bodies revolt beguines and beghards Bodies revolt alchemical agitprop pulse roses impulse roses rose runner Alchemy agitates animates pulse the future flood of shadowplay and shadow-work (Red and white water pour from the rebis, the twofold aspect of the material, to form the viscose, vitreous body of the cosmic eye, the sea of time and space) Heterodox Christianities agitate alchemy and the concoctions of salts and sulfurs (My heterodoxy hosts multiple Christianities: my heresy church the chaosmos of multidirectional Christianities. I prophesy continuous multiplicity and the written-rewritten scripture always has a two-fold aspect, a kind of double articulation. Book material doubly articulates Christianity crab canons, and crucifixion invites entrance to the vitreous body – visionary body voluptuous body viscose body. I host the many-at-once, and the Book as Magician and Juggler disintegrates and reintegrates the two-fold aspect of the material and the double articulation of the Book.) Bodies riot and distill vitreous vision, a cosmic eye staring at cosmic egg staring story of the eye
//
Bodies riot multidirectional Christianities and my Christianity grieves white and red waters pouring from my pierced side named Christina
I write Ben + Christina and I revisit an email I sent her from 22 years ago.
I wrote this poem last night. I’m not sure if you will like it or not. The title of it is “San Diego is a Useless City.”
There are mermaid tales
on your fingernails,
saliva on my soda straw,
and the ice cream headache
is fading fast
By September,
dreams of San Diego
will be replaced by
bracelets, beads, moments,
and pretty things.
So don’t cry, Tinkerbell --
Eden is over the next hill,
Eden is only…
Christina’s response on the same day: Ben, I loved it. Except… I went to [the high school] today and straightened things out. I guess that e-mail was just to scare us to get us in gear. They didn’t even drop my classes. Stupid people, giving me a heart attack. Anyway… I was actually starting to like the idea of staying here, but I guess God’s got other plans for me. So I’d still love to have you as a visitor on my couch (It makes me look cool, you know). Well, I’m off… (Christina)
Christina wrote the email in all caps to emulate her handwriting but I do not emulate it here – it hurts the eyes (it strains the cosmic eye and the comic eye and the story of the eye). If I recall correctly – I rarely recall correctly – Christina applied to UC San Diego, and she got a letter from them stating there was an error and they rejected her acceptance on a weird technicality. It was a false alarm and Christina did go to UC San Diego and managed to get a four year degree despite her troubles and traumas during attendance. The poem embarrasses. I was young and not every young poet can be John Keats or Thomas Chatterson – but it embarrasses and I continue to embarrass 22 years later. I embrace my embarrassment because it is mine and because it is me, and I continue to write and grieve embarrassment in the absence of Christina. The poem embarrasses and I partially based the poem on when Christina and I went to Baskin-Robins and she drank from my straw and I acted disgusted by her, but I must have been secretly flattered – she trusted me and we kissed. I couldn’t rewrite that poem any better – I would obscure the meaning and decorate it with purple prose. I never call Christina Tinkerbell – what an odd name to call her.
Bodies riot multidirectional Christianities a rose of sharon a lily of the valleys Bodies riot bell roses tinkerbells / fairy alchemy
//
Bodies riot bell roses Bodies revolt beghards and beguines belligerents Red and white water pour from the rebis and I render red bright red bleeding fat I render red rhizome repetition / thick adipose adonai I read red rendered fat forest rebis / rebis not a root but a rhizome Rebis restless rhizome: rhizome marriage of heaven and hell
My Body Hosts God Horrors
Horror hosts YHVH of Hosts body horror
Horror hosts body horror brushwork Brushwork breakbeats burden of the valley of vision / shaman drum programming Drum programming brushes pyramid text and text textures material paranoia (I program paranoid natural selection erosion)
Horror hosts body horror brushwork and texts erode secret serpent earth earth triangle body human pyramid (Pyramid photograph punk piston alchemy Ben body badger badger badger absurd flash alchemy and my flesh emerges earth renewed spherical lapis)
Horror hosts YHVH of Hosts body horror Horror lights large lapis light: horror lights lager lager lapis left witches Witch my body word winter music I witch my body word life forest flash I witch and I keep the fire two magic parts of the work I keep the fire for the dissolution of two body (solve) and the hardening of the spirit (coagula)
I love numbers and I obsess numbers, and I invent my own form of numbered mysticism and sacred geometry. I cut the strings in halves and thirds and quarters, and I prophesy again the harmonic series, itself a sacred geometry. I obsess numbers and numbers and operations with numbers, and I prophesy geological proportions and geometry portions. Revelation is the revelation of universal ratios (The horror of large numbers is the horror of the body: I discover larger and larger irrational numbers inscribed onto the organs of my body).
Horror hosts YHVH of Hosts body horror I witch my body word left largest number fires and large number lapis lazuli larger I keep the large number fires fires geometries I keep my body for the dissolution of time and my hands disintegrate large numbers (a dialectic on one hand and a galaxy on the other / my hands trouble me) (my hands trouble me and my hands disturb me my hands disturb the desert devils of dinosaur fossils)
I study solid number and liquid numbers. The solid numbers resemble crystals and krystals and wide open cave mouths: the liquid numbers resemble blood residue or the shadow of salamander bodies. I heat the numbers in the alembic and the gas numbers suffocate (unnumbered catastrophe). I measure the numbers and the gas numbers paradoxically weigh more than solid numbers. Energetic numbers orbit eccentric numbers.
Horror hosts YHVH of Hosts body horror I keep the fire for the dissolution of the body (solve) and the hardening of the spirit (coagula) I dissolve my body populated desert desert through wolves (I wolf on numbered bodies and numbered deserts: I wolf on numbered word and numbered wilderness) Through wolves her tree of life upside down
Horror hosts hell half half hell (They forced her to suffer the most humiliating evil! Hell House Girls Where the intentions are wrong… very wrong!)
Horror hosts body partially impossibly numbered (You don’t have to go to Texas for a chainsaw massacre! Pieces It’s exactly what you think it is!)
Horror hosts hell seven sermons to the dead (Where there’s no room in hell… the dead will walk again! Dawn Of The Dead)
A horror hosts gaudy colors and fire fauvist, and my body intensified horrors
I intensify the leaves and I amplify the leaves (How do you see these trees? They are yellow, so put in yellow; these shadows rather blue, I paint it with pure ultramarine; these red leaves? Put in vermilion.) I intensify the leaves vermilion Christina visions Christina keeps karst vermilion catacombs and ultramarine coffins Christina keeps an arresting or attacking karst burst ben hinnom blues / ben hinnom twelve-bar blues underneath ultramarines
Horror hosts garish colors gore and fauvist flesh flash fiery yellows and reds
Five vermilion leaves layer five roses around her slumped room for all particles participating outlines I outline Christina in cadmium yellow or candy pink as her outlines loop a volcanic ouroboros I outline a carnation pink Christina chase ouroboros ostinato napalm (five serpents welcoming five gates opens into the body of the divine realm) Five serpents set five to the rock and I reveal rock as real my spear and magic helmet
Horror hosts hostile colors body brash blue bronze weapons (There is more than death waiting for you in the dark places Dark Places)
Horror hosts YHVH of Hosts body horror
I dissolve my bodies other bodies bog breakbeat bitter descent: desert mara and marie / mixolydian mary magdalene I dissolve body ben adam adam beetle solvent and solute sergeant pepper’s lonely heart clubs band I band beetle music concrete ben brutalist alchemy
Alchemical Work In The Form Of An Eye
content warning: body horror imagery
Alchemical work in the form of an eye jumps impossible I-beam bell column
Alchemical work in the formless eye jumps work eyeball erotic alchemical work (The work of the Book jumps impossible alchemy work) Book works eyeball erotic alchemical work and I distill the work impossible jump jaws liturgy
I work liturgical Book: I word book ben body flash ben hinnom I scribe Book book ben body impossible eye (to learn reading my life in the Book of the Dead) I work word alchemy as eye alchemy, and I eye Book multiplies Book (Book multiples Book Who: her who who when wind hind scratch opera. Book multiplies Book Who: her who hand hole they aren’t violent until I’ve edited them. I edit Book multiplies Book Who: who soot share what happened to the shot. I multiply Who: what happened to the shot snow so bow Book multiplies Book.) I work liturgical Book and prayer Book and I sit in my cell as a paradise
Alchemical work in the form of an eye jumps impossible I-beam Book Work eyeballs alchemical erotic work or pornography (The barest romp… since Eve started wearing pants! THE FOUNTAIN OF LOVE) Alchemical eye works pistol pin-up nose art alchemy (Eye alchemy revolves piano burn T-O map neighborhood My urge eye oozes onyx obsidian outside (The body horror aspect comes in multiple forms, says Asia. There are gory images of childbirth, but also when the patriarch is close to death, he is a naked discolored breathing corpse on the bed, oozing black blood, with pulsating black tumors erupting from his body. When they want to force the main character to become part of the family, they cut open a tumor and made her drink the black pus, says Asia.) Alchemical work in the form of an eye jumps impossible body horror: multiple forms and multiple Books
Book multiplies Book body horrors Book shows screen sled a movement of cathartic hectic down the slippery slide of a shanty to tilted left still life and landscape Book multiplies Book body horrors and Book births black blood and tumor tetragrammaton Book births black body radiation ray naked body nude Body (Body pulses my body pink hallucinations. My body and Book pulsates absinthe pink elephants on parade. My eyes pulse pink centipedes and millipedes, and I march with pink elephants on parade. I shake my eyes elephant and I shake my ears serpents. Book pulses my body pulsating pink and my elephant tumors each author Book and Books.) Book multiplies Book and I see in my bed, my own body a discolored horror and discolored crucifixion
My urge eye oozes onyx obsidian outside urge eye mime inside earth outside ooze lime tree harbor Eye splits oval egg solvent (the arms raise up the two major parts of the work, the dissolving of the body – solva – and the hardening of the spirit – coagula) My body dissolves black blood and black ooze and my body coagulates pulsating tumors
Alchemical work in the form of an eye jumps impossible body horror / my eldritch abomination spinal cord My eye dissolves round body ordinary: ordinary of the mass My eye dissolves of childbirth but also when the main character to death My eye close to become part my eye dissolves there are gory images of childhood Oozing corpse on bed my eye dissolves is close to death, he is close to death, he is close to death, he is close to death He is close to force there are gory images of my eyes dissolve My eye dissolves round body ordinary: ordinary of the mass Mass mask monster eye ink open / black mass black angels
Alchemical work in the form of an eye and Book multiplies theme text pulsating black tumors Book multiplies tumors temptation in the wilderness long after once who word Word warms when weaver: word with bloody waste waste lamb (work word wild alchemy entropy)
One technique I used yesterday that’s new, I say. I heard this advice from musician Ben Levin: “If a process feels different, you will often get results that sound different.” So I tried a new technique with our conversations. I was working with the idea of “door” in my writing last night, so I did a search of our conversations on the word “door” and I found one of you talking about the Digital Circus internet show:
"In the first episode Pomni is obsessing over this secret door because she wants to escape but then finds out that the door itself was made by the ring leader because he knew they wanted an exit but he never finished it so there wasn't anything inside, and even if he did finish it it wouldn't have gone anywhere."
I cut out words and rearranged the lines:
"obsessing over this secret door door itself was made wanted an exit anything inside it wouldn't have gone anywhere " These cut words appear by themselves in the Book. Then I rearranged and made new sentences from them:
"This secret door itself was made This secret door wanted an exit Anything inside this secret door have gone anywhere"
Basically taking our conversations, making blackout poetry from them, and then rearranging and permutating them, I say. I like the idea, says Asia. It helps achieve that goal too I was telling you about the other day – treating our friendship and conversations as experimental poetry instead of being separate from the rest of the Book in terms of technique, I say.
Alchemical work in the form of an eye jumps close to corpse on the part of the part of child birth but also when they want to death Alchemical work jumps face horror huntable forms, there ice gory images swampland (I study the swamp and I approach the alligators. I study the swamp in the image of the alligator. Alligators swarm swamp and I study the swamp swelling birthing horrors. I study the image of the swamp in the gore of the alligator.) Alchemical work in the form of the eye multiplies the Book Book wire word when wander from word to word an when to when with Wild I lie naked discolored breathing corpse on the bed, autumn crown blood, with pulsating crowns and pinks and landscapes Pulsating crowns erupt from my face pyres and pus vixens Vine I video word with wind videotape tumor slashers I slash tumors when which women women desert
Alchemical work in the form of an eye looks wild alchemy entropy Alchemy ink body sink solar anus armory Book ben body unarmored or dismembered Vertical vertebrae bone brass horizontal horizontal bronze maul bash / skull morning star
I work alchemy and I slash tumor sleep wheat what can I take as a witness for you I withdraw wildlife waste land land sand videotape
Alchemical work in the form of an eye jumps impossible body horror I jump a giggling clump horror aspect leaves in multiple forms, here abide gory images from childbirth I jump work body horror bone work Alchemical work wheels in wheelbarrow bones filled with bones (My work arranged and rearranged word bone and wild bone. I arrange bone with bone and around bone, and bones birth new forms of alchemy. My work arranges bones: bone fill bone and bone full bone and bone for bone. My work arranges bone abandoned: bone without bone and bone dissolving bone.) Alchemical work in the form of an eye and eyes hang from eyes arrangements and rearrangements
I Reproduce In Fire
Fire arises as the first and most subtle element
Fire arises and fire arises antinomian sabbath Fire arises river rafters and horizontal beam river banks Fire arises riverrun aleph aleph Asia Among Rainforests
Fire arises and fire arises antinomian sabbath (sabbath surfaces psalm sea swarm living creatures)
Fire arises fire from fire to you fire Fire full fan and fire on you fiery earth eat fire Fire arises fight fire with fire Fire with fire fan fill up on you fire Fire from earth to each fire fringe fang Fang fire fidget fire on budget (fussbudget fire)
Fire arises and the sabbath surfaces psalm sea swarm living creatures Living creatures as the four evangelists prophesy sea eschaton no exit Fire arises no exit except cosmic sabbath
Fire arises and I cannot exit the rhizome but I prophesy sea cell sea and sabbath serpent sabbath I prophesy a long exposure of the camera and sunlight strikes the building on opposite sides / I expose the word and number insect revelations I expose the word and number fiery revelations
Fire arises as the first and most subtle element. The fire sticks to me. Fire stirs to me and Jesus, who is Abemamentho, said to his disciples: Truly, I say to you, when I came I brought nothing to the world except this fire and this water and this wine and this blood.
Fire writes as the first and most subtle elements, and the fire sticks to me first man and first son of man: ben adam. Fire arises and Jesus said: I have cast fire upon the world and see, I am watching over it until it blazes. Fire sticks to me Son of Man and Jesus said: Whoever is near me is near fire, and whoever is far from me is far from the Kingdom.
Fall in love with creating and you will get there, says Asia. Do what you can to love writing while you are writing. Write like there is fire in your bones. Like it’s something primordial, says Asia.
I fall in love with fire and I fall in love with first fire. Fire falls waterfall and waters swarm with the swarm of living creatures. Waters swarm first fire and Book swells body ben hinnom.
Fire arises and I fall in love with fires. I fall in love with human flesh: flesh fire flight and flying fire. I mix fires and waters and I act swarms in waters. I act anarchic swarms in waters and cut of waters, fiery word fiery living creatures. Waters swarm fiery word cosmic sabbath, and through contact with the moon and sun, philosophical mercury the power of the fertility of the earth.
Fire arises and the first and most subtle element. This is not the invisible fire of the alchemists but the material dark fire which leads everything alive to destruction. I destroy the Book material. Destroy the Book material. Difficult to destroy Book the Book material but I fall in love with fire. Destroy Book destroy material: destroy my Book material body (body to body material fire body from body dark fire). Destroy body: destroy ben body (body on fire smokes ben hinnom). Destroy Book / Bane breaks Batman’s back knightfall tree of knowledge. Destroy the destroy emptiness of emptiness. I empty Book fiery eschaton / I open Book broken body. Destroy the Book within my body and destroy my body within my Book.
Fire arises as the first and most subtle element. This is not the invisible fire of the alchemist but the material dark fire which leads everything alive to destruction. Life exists and continues to exist in the process of destruction by fire.
I fuck with fire I fuck with fire friction forest
I fuck with fire and waters swarm earth krystal chaoskampf lake chasm iceberg I fuck with fire and waters sweat earth serpent soil and Taryn tar (ben hinnom deposits desert desert / depth philosophy mercury)
I fuck with fire and I swear by waters I swear by waters and the blossoms appear on earth My blood appears on earth adam cain and adam abel, and my body barracks two trees and two messiahs (I brought nothing to the world except this fire and this water and this wine and this blood)
Do you know about the long leaf pine tree? says Asia. No, I say. It is endangered, says Asia, but it was all across the south east. They are known for being combustive as they need fire in order to reproduce, but the reason I bring them up is that baby long leaf pines stay very close to the ground, like grass for a long time while establishing roots. They hardly grow upward at all during that time. Then one day they shoot up and look like little Dr. Seuss trees. Sometimes growth is like that. Even when it feels like you aren’t growing, your brain is putting down roots, chewing on things, says Asia.
I fuck fire and I need fire in order to reproduce I fuck fire and reproduce fire I fuck with fire forest fragment folk skull fuck forests: forests body butcher breech fire Breech fire rask reach my body wretch retch vomit wrench wench
My brain on fire reproduces fire and I dream the restoration of man. I see the restoration of the figure of man within fires and I split myself in fires within Ben Adam. The restoration of the figure of man fields completion in fires, and the Redeemer remains in the world of fiery husks, of the powers of other side, and in the power of the marriage of heaven and hell, while she togethers the fires.
I dream the human fire as the Book and Book destroys Book. Book destroys human figure and the figure of the Book in fires on fire (fire from fire in your figure fire with fire fan fill up on your fire). I dream the human figure of the Book as haunted canvas fire and fire fills it body colors: red fork figure, white canvas shadowless syntax. I see seen Book additive fire: fire ben adam and fire adam asia: Asia Among Fires river to fire rivers within reproducing fires.
I fuck with fires material dark deconstruction. I destroy my seraph body set my body ablaze. I destroy divided by fires and reproduced by fires. I fuck material dark fire fire dark and I set my seraph body ablaze (Jesus says: I have cast a fire onto the world, and see, I watch over it until it blazes up). I reproduce by fire and I write like there is fire in my blood (I have brought the water and the fire from the place of the lights of the Treasury of the Light).
Fire arises as the first element and most subtle element My brain fire force coral wreckage (there are over 500 starfish in the bathroom drawer I was starting to worry that pet turtle could tell what I was thinking) Fire arises restless fiery body Fire arises impossible reach wrench hammer long screw body Ben body helix hum husk wire fiery carcass (The lion, being hungry, throws itself on the antelope and devours it. The panther anxiously awaits the moment it too can claim its share. Birds of prey have each torn a piece of flesh from the top of the poor animal which sheds a tear. The sun sets.)
Fire arises raw body resurrections multiple resurrection fragrant fire fire frankenstein (Bury my body Lord I don’t care where they bury my body Lord I don’t care where they bury my body cause my life is gonna live with god)
Fire arises frequent body resurrection / zebra zombie undead gnosis (Not seven sermons to the dead but seven sermons to the undead) (I dream the human figure undead and seven sermons undead. I dream the human figure unnatural fire and undead fire. Book bats fire earth boat body / body without organs open sea. I arise with fire and I dream of having a place in the Book and right away, I become a word shared by eyes and lips. The human hourglass plows fiery ground and shadow white fires, and fires reproduce. Fires reproduce and broadcast secret seed. The seed endures in the actual sign of fire and water, and this elemental covenant swarms secret earth secret tree.)
Correct me if I’m wrong, says Asia, but it seems like your brain is digesting a lot, your style is shifting. That doesn’t happen automatically. Is it shifting? I say. It feels all the same to me. No growth. I’m not perceiving the change in it. Lots of people have told you your writing has changed, says Asia.
I need fire to reproduce Fire arises frequent body resurrections Sermon fire fire sermon city necromancer Soft shell body swells necromancer city slow cain: cain fire crackles car clutch cauldron / collapsed map caldera
Fire arises and secret seed sows sulfur and mercury freed by fire from the dark material that contains them
Fire arises ben body drum dark fire (fire burns my body reproduce desert ash) Ben body dark material ash stash big body burn Ben body burn a woman in trouble: fire troubles film and the film itself dreams Film itself dreams hollywood burns bare bath birds spurts not invisible fire but elemental dark Dark drinks spider dream and scorpion dream Dark dreams insect dream and landscape scrape saw wave arachnids Dark fire digital video sculpts viral pornography / hyperlink hell More things have mapped frequent fire body without fire ben bodies with fire: fires within fires
Fire arises rush shed earth sheets of sound
Fire arises as the first and most subtle element and I reproduce in fire
I Return Rerun The Desert Door
I return to the desert door I return rerun the desert door
In the grave comes putrefaction in ashes (lunar sun the red winged lion) Sheol purifies by shale and shade
I return rerun the desert door den door den I din den door desert vision I return rerun door mysticism and door anarchy and I prophesy door tour anarchic door dark (I rerun and study spirit door desert sun)
(Lunar sun the red winged lion loom ash vision and ash putrefaction Ash shares lion sheol and lion shakes mystics shade mystic)
I study the door in the scripture of alchemy: I study alchemy in the book of door. I do not open door but I open scripture as the door scissor. I cut door sound open and closed clouds of unknowing. I cut door noise open and closed clocks + clouds, and the noise clutters at door aperture. The noise clusters honeybee hive, and I carry the hive through the open door over the threshold. I study the threshold and it tinkers door open and closed: I pick the keystone open, a crystalline door chiseled in scripture. Crystal scripture stripteases the talking drum and the talking door (I speak the door in dominant sevenths and secondary dominants). I study the door in the scripture of alchemy.
I return to the desert door I return rerun to the desert door I return be kind please rewind desert door I return rhizome memory mammary gland god hand I return to the door desiring-machine mercury remnants (In the grave comes putrefaction of ashes Ash layers loop shade and shale lion sediments and lion excrement transforms into gold)
My cat Wolfgang claws at the door, says Asia. Every time he wants in or out so my door is fucked up and I woke up with two of them staring at me because the food bowl is empty. We have replaced the seal to the door twice, she says.
I return to the door be kind please rewind ark memorial I rerun fucked up door and door claws hinges into lost past (door fucks dark material fire and black flame matter) I return rerun door fuck and claws sound clang and klang, door church bells bell volume
I draw differently: I draw door difference difference desert (I draw door dark material fire and black flame matter) I return different did dam draw ecstatic ben adam (He has a head of light and a head of darkness, a white and a black, an upper and lower) Ben adam draws adjacent dam door differently: difference body letters I repeat the letters as doors and I repeat the doors as letters I repeat door draw shore ben adam whore and here whore of babylon Door repeats babel body bubble babel body (door into the pores of quicksilver) Door repeats babel door dede delon dendron
That Path Led Inward And Downward
That path led inward and downward
That path leads to philosopher fire Fire fixes philosopher’s magnetism Philosopher magnets fire flesh fixed magics Philosopher magnets mix forms and forms phantasmagorical fossils Philosopher magnet flirt phosphor eat awe and adoration
That path led downward to the body without organs full bath Bath of the King births Benjamin Binah (ben boils blue bath androgynous) Bath of the King bursts Krystal Keter (Krystal Khora continues the changes bath bebop) Bath of the King blossoms Christina concoction (Cedar Christina drips oily stations of the cross)
My path leads downward to dark word and word dark. Dark divides my path downward and downward. Downward and downward differ by dark, and downward word wild downward word. Downward tone dials harmolodic dark and dark word differs from dark word in the apparition of its free funk rhythm. My path, whether downward, upward, serpentwise, or counterclockwise, always pulses and plays rhythm. Rhythm prophesies the path. Dark word herds oracles and dark devours its dark, a figured bass ouroboros downward I prophesy toward dark recursive dark (an ouroboros alchemy and tail to tail tetragrammaton)
My path led inward and downward: down to dark and strange Christianity
Yes, I would agree with you [that God is relation], I say to August. I think of what Slavoj Zizek said, who’s an atheist but feels Christianity is essential to true atheism. He said Christ is not something like a dying-and-resurrection deity because something radically different happens after his resurrection – the Holy Spirit comes. He interprets the death of Christ on the cross with the death of God, but also the Holy Spirit that comes afterward is the radical immanence of the community that follows in the death of God. It is the Pauline theme: no Greek, no Jew, no male or female, but all one under Christ – except in a post-theist atheist version for Zizek. So I would modify that, not being an atheist but not being in relation with a transcendent God either, that the Divine that happens, is a happening process. It happens in community, it happens between people, it is not fixed, it is dynamic. The God that happens happens in us and around us, the Kingdom of God among us. It is the relation of the church to itself and realizing the church is humankind, and more than humankind, it is the earth itself, alive. That is the divine happening, the divine process, and the earth isn’t a fixed thing, but an ALIVE and dynamic and chaotic thing – so how can the divine be possibly fixed and stagnant and static? I say. Yes, says August.
The path led inward and downward Inward I wild abyss, abyss innards alchemy I wake wild alchemy X alchemy inward fire I walk inner product downward I descent down disc desert (solar disc compact disc) I descend solar disc left feel machinations Solar disc first feel garage fire and inward philosopher’s fire
Fire field the path inward and the fire conquers me
Conquered I emerge reborn from the Bath of Kings
I watch a video by musician Ben Levin and he suggests the following exercise to break out of one’s mechanical habits: play a regular descending scale but between each note, improvise melodic content. He uses an E minor scale: E – improvisation – D – improvisation – C – improvisation – B – improvisation – until reaching the E below. Can such an experiment be applied to creative writing? Bath of the King. Bath builds between and of – of overturns in a tumultuous the – king – King Felix. I will keep experiments in mind. They remind me of Oulipo techniques, an area I plan to explore in the future. I turn downward to dark constraints and experimentation.
That path led downward and inward Inward the fire flutters butterfly bath and bath stains my garage skulls steel fire Flame conquers counterhuman cable or cobalt suspended second (suspended small fires and large fires)
Cable second her second human cable muscles second flesh I finish flesh red second time circles
Second I stretch muscle be thou my vision – O Lord of my heart
I also like the idea of chewing and gnawing, I say. Because now the body of God is in our body and we absorb it. The body of God is the body of us but not separate from us, but we do have to chew and grapple and wrestle with it to wake it become within us. Or maybe in an awakening / gnostic / Eckhart sense. God is always-already within us, but we have to chew to get to that fact. We have to awake to it, I say. I think agree with this, says August. The light of Christ that dwells within us can become pentecost flame if we allow it and work and of course with God’s grace. I want to elaborate that I think that this is ultimately up to the spirit and not us – I’m kind of reformed a bit on this on – but the impetus of moving and of effort is on us. God is relation, a relationship which lives in us and around us and is growing all the time. He is always to be with us and to forgive us and to love us unconditionally and without reprose but we have to want it and do the things that make relationships work with others just the same - talking to Him, spending quality time, creating with Him, looking at what He made, says August.
The path led inward and downward Downward I stretch muscle be thou my vision O Lord of my heart Second I stretch my muscles flesh Taryn various I am and an I shield the to facets: facets second The second a subtle second inward A subtle the internal sound and that path led downward and inward Inward flash pass second serpent serpent inward
Language downward and inward distorts ben innards: my innards. I experience the distorted language in my stretched muscles and my secondary muscles. I stretch my muscles over the language and my body bathes flames and magnets and Bath of Kings. My lips sleep my muscles in the still and silo, and the language releases additional language. Language strange gods and Christianities and my Christianity cooks in occult and obscure alchemy.
Vision and Mysticism 