I Sabotage Holy Spirit

I sabotage holy spirit and its dogs, harpoons, and wives wash wave watercolors     Sabotage holy spirits harpoon feral halo happenings / spirit happening wash anechoic chambers
Chamber chambers bridal chamber
Saber cataract slack spirits

I sabotage holy spirit savage or ravage ritual

(The giant gorilla lay on the pavement / King Kong camel bone)

Holy Spirit practices few languages and Holy Ghost has a practicing law firm. I participate in a satellite office located in the Lake of Fire.

I sabotage holy spirit and engine emanations…
Sabotage alien energon cube chemical castles…
(Chemical candle castles / dead man’s hand harness)

The Book sabotages my brain – my sense of creative competence and experimental fluency – so I sabotage the Book. The process of writing the Book always betrays the Book. Book betrays the Book a self-sabotage and Ben-sabotage (But you will exceed all of these, for you will sacrifice the man who bears me. Already your horn has been lifted up, and your anger has flared up, and your star has burned brightly, and your heart has grown strong). Book betrays my creative chaos but I betray the abyss of the Book – betrayal both direction at once and multidirectional chaos.

I sabotage with their dogs their harpoons their wives and the THEIR word-weapons their Their feral word happenings crash cataracts – her cataracts over me and her waves around me (Their harpoons her deep calls to deep at the thunder of your torrents all her waves and billows have gone over me)


//
Book betrays Ben Adam betrays Book

This secret appears in the Book of Adam. When darkness arouses it, it arouses intensely, thereby creating hell, clinging to it in that conflict. As the seething fury subsided, conflict of a different type arose: a conflict of love. There were two conflicts: one beginning, one ending. This is the way of righteous: beginning harshly, ending gently.

The secret of the Book of Ben and Asia: our conflict clings to the side of hell and the conflicts cracks chaos and chaosmos, our Book abyss. Abyss opens radically open, the Book of Love. The conflict of Love and the Book of Love participate and create the marriage of heaven and hell. Our conflict creates the chaos of the conflict of love: unconditional love and abyssal love, undifferentiated.

I don’t know other ways of support at the moment and I made things worse and more complicated by saying anything at all, says Asia. That’s why I said forget I said anything at all. I don’t want to say more things: I want to say less things. Saying more things takes mental energy that I don’t currently have, she says. This may sound weird but I feel like we are the same brain, I say. I think we are feeling the same thing. I feel I make things worse too. I forgive us though. I still appreciate you and us trying to figure out our brains. I still love you and I love us. I think we are going through some growing pains, I say. Yeah, I think so too, says Asia. We are very close, I say, and are growing better but our brains are very close right now. We are experiencing a lot of conflict but that’s OK – we will get through it. You’re still not a nuisance, you know. I would still rather be frustrated with you than without you, I say. I know that, says Asia. And I know other people aren’t annoyed by me either. It’s just hard sometimes. It feels like the world is too much and I’m too much and not enough, she says.

As seething fury subsided, conflict of a different type arose: a conflict of love…
Love crucifies completely (crucifixion completes but love never finishes)

Conflict arises saying through we frustrated don’t more – conflict know things still growing you – conflict I may figure now other made sound out

(Crucifixion completes but love never finished Love frequents chaos and chaosmos, an always in-process mythmaking and metal smithing Love jewel beetles and swarm a stochastic love)

Book betrays Ben Adam betrays Book
//


I sabotage holy spirit with holy spirit I sabotage savate holy spirit savage or ravage ritual I sabotage engine emanations alien energon cube chemical castles Sabotage holy spirit I can’t stand it I know you planned it I’m a set it straight this watergate

(The giant gorilla lay on the pavement / King Kong camel bone King Kong Bundy camel bone different sized bore holes)

Holy Spirit sabotages Holy Spirit and Ben Adam sabotages Ben Adam. Holy Spirit betrays Book and verily I say unto you, that one of you shall betray me. One of the Book betrays one of the Book and I dip my hand in the languages of the Book. Book necessarily betrays: woe to the Book by who the Child of Humanity is betrayed! But the Book slays the human that clothes Human. I live in the Book and Human, and I practice Woman and Holy Spirit.

Sabotage Holy Spirit their dogs their harpoons their wives awash
Sabotage spear saints straw stickers
Sabotage plant stem stilettos plane stew / a maniacal killer in a red coat
Holy Spirit are things worse and us though sometimes
(It feels the worse and us things worse)


//
The secret of the Book of Ben and Asia says less things more complicated holy spirit

I mix this secret from the side of love with the conflict of melody and it encodes bone cipher and King Felix DNA I mix desert music with secret music, the conflict of her names (her names crucify in love and resurrect in love)

(As seething fury subside and this may souls weird but I feel like we are the same brain. I think we are housing the same thing. I still appreciate you and us and us fluids to recipe out yet brains. I still love you and I love us. I still we are young through some growing death.)

I mix this secret from the side of love, and from my side, blood and water separately…
//


I sabotage holy spirit…

I Rework The Corrupt Rhizome Of The Word

I work and rework the corrupt rhizome of the word (non-corrupted word remains non-existent)     I work and rework rhizomic rock language – language long tone sheets of sound

(Work more constraints More constraints = more creativity)

I work and rework long tone sheets of sound (here Coltrane utilizes melodic cells that repeat and mutate, with overblowing, split tones, multiphonics, altissimo register phrase, anguished cries and lightning fast arpeggios, purposefully out of key phrases, harmonies stacked on harmonies)

Rework rework repetitive constraints
Melodic cells cell crack cataract
Cell molt cells rock
Melodic memory molt
Rework repetitive constraints without constraints
Melodic cells repeat and mutate body performances
Mutate melody melodies rewrite anarchic altissimo Not quite constraints but paradoxical constraints –
non-constraint cells
Mutate continual dirt road blues
More constraints continue constructed bone or bone constructed from bone constructed’

I work and rework the melody entirely outside: I rework melody entirely erotic earth Outside melody mutate earth cell stacked on earth cell I voice an erotic earth rhizome and the rhizome to rhizome pushing over the bar lines
Overblow body earth body perform
Overblow bow fire bottomless pit
Blow burden of the valley of vision

(More constraints: chillingly people randy reward now cock tails had once take first lyre More constraints have torched and I torch bone)

I write and rewrite open the bar line (A bar from J.S. Bach’s Fugue No. 17 in A flat, BMV 862 from The Well-Tempered Clavier, an example of counterpoint. The two voices on each staff can be distinguished by the direction of the stems and beams.) I voice an erotic earth in the dialectical movement of constraint and non-constraint and I rewrite between non/constraint
Cells mutate between constraint
Split tones stab bone on bone constructions
Split tones tap compact bone constructed from cells

(Ants kinda act like cells in a collective brain, says Asia.
Have you heard of the stem cell based lab grown brain organoids? says Asia
That one brain cell is working overtime, says Asia.)

I work and rework the corrupt rhizome of the word (non-corrupting word chains itself into impossible non-existent) I rework you heard of the stem cells in a collective brain – that one brain organoids – that one brain that overtime act brain – mutated cells rework
Mutated multiphonic machines
Multiphonic flesh on flesh multiplicities
Cell cell rhizome multiphonics


//
I sometimes forget the multiphonic mysticism of the monastic cell and cell praxis. My mysticism mutates psalm into split tone spirits / my bone constraints pink out of the corner.

I work and rework three Steles of Seth: Seth stars Seth constellations Seth nostalgia new street lights

(Stele stars neutralized nostalgia new streetlights that nanotube no displace Nanotube no displace nightjar new disaster nightgown them pure)

I rework three Steles of Seth and I praise nonbeing. I praise nonbeing and her multiphonics flow reality before realities and first being before beings. Rework Children of Seth and Child of Humanity prophesies me. Her humanity mutates from cell to cell.

Her humanity mutates cell onto cell Steles jutting from earth
Eggs kinda act like cells in a discursive cream
Have you heard of the stem wolf based lab grown cream organoids?
That one cream wolf is working eternity
Three inhabits Taryn perpendicular to earths

Rework ribbon repetition Rework ribbon bridge repetition nag hammadi microphones Rework ribbon suspended repetition smoke so summarize light or sight
Some on detached solids
Some silence slit open Kingdom of Skies
Some silence slow snow slip n’ slide august artist unable asphalt

The apophatic and the mysterious never forgets me and its silences stencil Taryn Steles and Taryn multiphonics
//


I work and rework more constraints More constraints have torched and I torch bone (bone cells brain cells that one brain cell is working overtime) I torch bone more constraints devil got my woman / devil got my woman constrained bone

I mix melodies in counterpoint: point against point mutated into cells against cells. I inhale the cells and swallow the cells and it transforms my voices beyond the bar line. I have two voices and they connect in monastic cells and secret psalms. I chant psalms and I praise the reality before the realities: KRYSXTRYN. I praise the first being before first being multiphonic KRYSXTRYN. I work rhizomic melodies and the melody entirely outside mixed earth and earth. I mix melody gog and magog prophesying apocalypse, and apocalypse earth initiates topological mixing.

I Voice A Nonlinear Melody

I voice a nonlinear melody with magical tones as cosmic therapy (music is the healing force of the universe)

I voice a virulent vomit, a violent vision vomiting in the interstitial place between universes I tone and intone Taryn messianic time and apocalyptic time: Taryn pitch and rhythm riverruns bone eschaton skipping stone time

(I voice wind thunder and voice augments nonlinear melodies)

Taryn pitch and rhythm widens durations riverrun rhizome and multiplicities excavate erased resurrections. Lightning resurrects Jason Lives and melodies augment melodies. Melodies augment voices / thunder and wind strengthen each other.

(Voice thunder virus between universes)


//
I voice blues: rubato blues blue time multiplicities

My mind got to ramblin’, like a wild geese from the west I ramble royal rumble circular ruins / I ramble rough textures…
Blue messianic time
Blue apocalyptic time
I ramble ruins ruins like a wild geese god rumbling (symmetrical palindromes asymmetrical)

I voice blues increasing wind thunder Wind thunder rumbles blues I ramble Link Wray’s Rumble: I ramble bacon and sausage Link Wray ray rumble My mind got to rambling my mind rambles verses geese graboids

I revive geese and I revive ritual wild ramble / I revive wild geese

I voice blues: wild geese word blues
//


I tone and intone Taryn multiplicities: I tune cosmic tones between universes (Taryn pitch and rhythm excavates resurrections. I tone and intone resurrections, and my body widens apocalypses. My body widens word onto word many apocalypses. Book always widens resurrections. I voice book resurrected into the Book multiplicity of voices… My bone lives in my bone erratic and elliptic, and my body erases itself many resurrections. I live wide in my many deaths and as equally as many resurrections. I voice a virulent vomit and resurrection gives me disease. I never die because resurrections infect my bones. I voice nonlinear melodies and nonlinear resurrections. Deaths – my deaths seep into my Book-Brain…)


//
I tone and intone my bodies between universe wreckages – my bodies between geese resurrections My body augments resurrections / strictly increasing resurrections (Borderline personality disorder – pervasive long-term pattern of significant interpersonal relationship instability, an acute fear of abandonment, and intense emotional outbursts… Is this me? Is this Ben? Acute fears of abandonment – abandon – abandon – who abandons me others… Through others between abandonments – absolutely abandoned… I recognize my fear of abandonment – empty my skull empties abandon captivity.)
I’m here. I’m here. I write here and I’m here and not abandon but other grids. I prophesy dot grid – she’s wedded – prophesy here and blues and wild geese – I voice here resurrections and here Taryn messianic – I’m here.

(Idealization by Edvard Munch, 1903, who is suggested to have had borderline personality disorder)
//


I voice a nonlinear melody with musical tones as cosmic therapy (music is the healing force of the universe)

My voice increases / my voice augments My voice intensifies virulent vomit, a violent visions – vision borderline rumble vision circular abandonment Here messianic times I am apocalyptic – interstitial plane between universes I tone and intone Taryn Messianic time and apocalyptic time: widen voice durations multiplicities

Her multiplicities excavate… (Don’t die because if you do, I think everyone in the universe might just go cold) Her multiplicities excavate erased resurrections Taryn resurrects primary colors Taryn resurrections primary colors: multiple tones of who’s afraid of yellow and red


//
My mind rambles ruins riff: metallic riffs and Mastodon riffs My mind turns minute minute machine / my mind turns turning of the screw ghost stories

My mind ruins do geese see god (revive geese revival geese resurrections turning) My mind ruins accelerating wind and increased thunder (a thunder and wind strengthen each other)…
//


I do feel writing and creativity is important to prophecy, I say. I know we talked about it in the past but prophesying creativity, community, unconditional love, anarchy is necessary. Prophesying our friendship is important to me. I think our friendship is a microcosm of community in a way: overcoming obstacles, growing together, creating together… Those are good things to prophesy, says Asia. I see most of them. Not sure about community. I also see death and the search for meaning, she says.

I voice my mind got to ramblin’ and for every Ben Death Ben Resurrection
Voice their dogs their harpoons their wives awash
Their wives awash anechoic chambers Anechoic chambers bridal chambers death
Ruins ruins wild geese
Voice rambles Link Wray’s Rumble

I voice a nonlinear melody: I think prophecy Prophecy I also see most of community, community, I see most of community, community Voice I know we talked community, community, community

I also see death and the search for meaning (voice blessed in the church service makes me nervous… O Lord why have you forsaken me?)

I voice a virulent vomit… My body melts into odd earth odd sly arrive unidentifiable wilderness I don’t know why I like horror – cosmic horror and body horror and this horror contorts my brain oddities. Catharsis? Sublimation of fear and anxiety? My skulls sprouts outward. (Write and explore more horror – impossible horror – my body uneven anteaters)

I search for death and I voice death

I Compose Imperfect Melodies

Melodies structure melodies: melodic stitch-stretch-sting sutured melodies     I straddle melody and melodies…
Melodies structure melodic strata: my skin stretch strata staircases skull thimble…
Melodies treble trouble tremolo melodies (The melody doesn’t come easy to me. I plagiarize melodies from hymns, blues, and folk songs. I plagiarize Modern Times and Love And Theft. Melodies structure plagiarized melodies into plunderphonic acid trips.)

I meander between melody body geology – between harmonic melody harmon mute melody plagiarized – between meander Between meander Meander geology Geode meander archaeology Archive. Archive. Archive.

I stretch my skin as strata, sediment soused sound… Sediment soused sound letters and scaled scale between meander. I stretch my skin archive meander meander melodies…
Meridian melody / middle melody
Melodic meander meanders
Between the oceanic between

Melodies stretch melodies skin structure
(Large – our echoes / large room silence)
Silence scrapes body sketch earth strata
Strata errata: erratic silence
Silence meanders soil sound around disturbed earth (disturbed earth insists on uneven slices)

I oxbow between body geology and body archaeology, and my meanders excavate Book skin. Book molts its serpent skin and emphasizes lydian and mixolydian scales. Scales spread their talons into my body and shake the arcade tokens out of me. Scales separate my skin from my skin bowed melody Book. I oxbow between body geology and body archaeology, and I suspend the sand of its unities.

Suspend silence between silence

I suspend and erase but its incessant geologies displace upward anew: new melody renewed. Geologies displace upward anew: new wilderness mixed melodies with the decapitated heads of werebears. I mix melodies with melodic liminal earth / human body between.

Whatever my body is, it is not silence.

I’ve been thinking recently about imperfection, says Asia. About how uncomfortable we are with it and how we have ruined ourselves casting it away. At this point, embracing human imperfection is a form of rebellion, she says. Very true, I say. Like that video you sent me – making bad art on purpose to overcome our fears, expectations, art paralysis, I say. It’s deeper than that even, says Asia. So many people don’t even try to be artists because it won’t be good so why bother, but we want to be perfect too. We want to be perfectly beautiful – all these years of photoshopped models and celebrities and focusing on body image. Now we have influencers and AI making art and we fall for it. Not everyone but I can’t help but think that making ourselves appear perfect and striving for perfection made room for something inhuman – to take our place. Even poetry, I think. It’s too clean, says Asia. What does imperfect or messy poetry look like to you? I say. Like Eating Poetry, says Asia. Beware Don’t Read This Poem. Like Kindness by Naomi Shihab Nye. There is something wild or raw or like some essence compressed or a stone tumbled for awhile… Maybe that last analogy doesn’t work, but you don’t control the rock – you just get to buff it. There is poetry that is essence and human, and then there is poetry that was written to be consumed, says Asia.

Whatever my body is, it is not silence

I straddle melodies – silence Silence invades my bodies silent – make room room silence root
Room room silence remover
I straddle melodies overcome with stone I meander between recently our and poetry tumbled / meander about fear focusing I for imperfection

(Imperfect melody surrenders to silence)

I stretch my skin and silence stratified how art body too that uncomfortable paralysis Sediment soused art body too silent whirlpool

My creative imperfects fuck uppercut how my body too lives in uncomfortable paralysis. It’s awhile how uncomfortable I am with my imperfection / malformed Ben Body projects malformed Book Body – I work to accept that human rebellion.

I mix melody and melodies liminal earth human body between (between my bodies, Book arclength – Book there is essence compression and human to be compression – Book arclength underneath – between)

I mix melody mad melodies machine (her machine excavates an impossible earth her machine insists on exposes earth and exposed bodies) I mix melody geology and melody archaeology and I voice its melodies earth body / mix melodies a nonlinear succession of musical tones…

Silence mix mix imperfect room
(You don’t because it work but we are on purpose
to buff it there but you?)
Silence mix mad remix like a form of rebellion about imperfect and AI making on purpose to buff it

Melodies structure melodies without structure: imperfect melodies. How uncomfortable I am with imperfection but melodies – imperfect melody meander asymmetry or strange. Uncomfortable melodies sneak at think that video you don’t work but I beware
Think that making on body image
Now we want to be compression
And human the room for

Unstructured melodies meander imperfectly. Imperfect what fuck asymmetrical funk. Imperfection infects whatever melody and I noodle frail improvisations. I meander frail improvisations and I faster here my uncountable innumerable imperfections. Whatever around here there thistle there imperfect. I straddles melodies – wherever the word fails fail.


//
I straddle the melody and the molting scales of the Book between…

What to do with all this writing? What to do with with wall with all this writing? Figure it out later. Figure it out outward the imperfect word. The joy of writing anyways. Written other this this open brain. My fear of dementia. My fear of brain tumors. My imperfect brain knuckleball. This doesn’t have to make sense or cohere left open leaks through lights and pressure / zero pressure space (space between space melodic strategy). Geology follows up the guts body space imperfect. What almost beware (Why do I like the word Beware? What can I use besides beware? Nothing here. Empty language – nonsense language)

I straddle melodies between melodies but existence is not a predicate. Melody does not exist but imprints its residue on absence ghost absence. Existence dissipates in its mention (Benjamin dissipates in the mention of the name of Benjamin)
Ben – Son. Son disintegrates. Ben crucifixions
Last temptation of cross: Christ empties Christ same as Benjamin

I straddle melody between asymmetrical melody imperfect I dig into the melodic names neat dig razor outback outer darkness (outback steakhouse haunted horde)
My body twists somewhere around not here /
where to god or godness I’m not really here
I straddle melody souse melodic between (But one been thinking recently about imperfection. About how uncomfortable we one gift it and how we have humans augmented casting it away)

My body ends elsewhere where does a body end My body ends somewhat elsewhere (Something someone other than perfect: melody and human language messy human body)

My body melts into odd earth odd sly arrives (arrive unidentified flying object / my unidentified body builds oceanic ocean endless bodies)

(My own body – I fear my own body – my own body unidentified flying objects – ocean ocean – mess. Live in my mess – Book imperfections. Fear of the body fear of the Book – imperfections. Book thrombosis. At this learn / excrement hellishly habit – imperfection is a vast of rebellion.)

Melodies disappears in the imperfection of melody
//


Melodies structure melodies: structure structureless melodies

I mix melody geology and melody archaeology and I voice it melodies
Lyre eating poetry lyre lambent don’t read this poem lyre kindness
I voice melodies imperfect geology and bad art archaeology

I Straddle Melodies

I straddle melodies: straddle melodic geology and melodic archaeology 

Melodic archive stretches inward-outward and outward outlines. Melodic archive flattens library multidirectional and archive aggregates everywhere. I collect memorywork myth and nascent narrative. Archive rewrites narratives narratives doubled / myth shadow doppelgangers. The Book only serves as melodic archive and Book reinscribes archive-library onto Babel-Book. Book mixes melodies with melodies.

I straddle melodies / melodies melody geology – psychogeography – map strata-segments
Meander between body geology and geology body
Circumambulate body archaeology and meander historically-informed performances
Melodic body

I meander between my body geology and my body archaeology. I slow sketch scrape body in erotic earth strata. I sketch my skin and strata, sediment sounded with letter and scales. I molt scales serpent skin. I oxbow between body geology and body archaeology, and I suspend the sand with its underground unities.

The Beetle Book Barks

The Beetle Book barks breathe Ben Body Book

The Beetle Book barks my Beetle Body burst open Body burst open Oneiric Book and Book Ouroboros
Benzene Book
Strange loop Book spiral catastrophic
Book Beetle beetle beetle metamorphosis Beetle Body brooks hooks rhizome blues
Beetle Ben blues where did you sleep last night
Ben brook blues I’d rather be the devil than that woman man

The Beetle Book barks blue being blade boxers out of the blue and into the black Beetle Book blooms bright blue electric wings whirl Beetle Bark

Beetle Book loops palindromic metamorphosis looped into Beetle Book. I listen to Gloria Coates palindromic string glissandos and the glisses ghost haunted symmetries. Beetle Book wings upward metamorphosis wings downward Beetle Book. I listen to Olivier Messiaen’s non-retrogradable rhythms in the Quartet For The End Of Time and my Beetle Body embodies beetle rhythms. Beetle Book eats blue bark and bark barks blues equally Book.

Beetle Book blooms room bright blue wings where electricity bends Beetle Book
Book room beetle space
Space beetle wing rudder rubber waters large room off-rhythm

Bombastic Book brides blonde beetle blue stratofortress (I want to hug Mickey Mouse too, says Taryn. You’re going to creep out Mickey Mouse, I say. He will be like what’s this banana creeper doing here. Mickey Mouse likes me, says Taryn. How do you know? I say. Mickey Mouse only likes you for your butt and not your personality. Mickey Mouse thinks you’re very blonde, I say. Mickey Mouse likes me inside and out, says Taryn.) Bombastic Book brides blonde stratofortress Book fat fortissimo

Blonde Beetle Book binds blues I’ll believe I’ll dust my broom
Think you know? Mickey Mouse thinks you’re very blonde
Mickey Mouse only like what’s the is banana creeper
I believe Ill dust my broom and beetles sweep wings wing broom Beetle Book

I grow my Kafka bug wings and I get up in the morning I believe I’ll dust my broom


//
My Beetle Book barks Beetle Ben Body Bark

Their dogs their harpoons their wives awash

Their dogs doing to hug Mickey Mouse too

Their harpoons you’re very blonde

Their wives awash he will be like swans this banana sleeper teach many / Mickey Mouse feral me

Their dogs their harpoons their wives awash / wash word in the waters. Wash words in the waters and I wade in the waters her wives. Their dogs dig Beetle Book dust and dust washes blonde (You are so blonde sometimes, I say. I’m not blonde, says Taryn. I watched The Craft the other night and he stayed in the living room watching it – maybe I should pretend I’m a witch now. Turn your hair into snakes, I say. What are you if not blonde? Brunette, says T. You are blonde, I say. No, my hair is really brown, says T. I’m a natural brunette but I look better as blonde. I know you’re a natural brunette, I say. I know everything about you.) Their wives awash anechoic chambers anechoic chambers bridal chamber wash word

Their wives you are your into shaker Their harpoon what are so blonde I am watching room watching room

The Beetle Book barks their dogs their harpoons their wives

The Beetle Book barks Beetle Ben Body Book

Beetles ride bicycles to the Bark discotheque Beetles ride ride barracuda rhizome zygomatic bicycles / xylem unicycles cyclic zebras

The Beetle blurs bulb iceberg bible the Beetle Book / Beetle Book burrows blue bathers baptizes Beetle Book (several beetle wings share the submersible) Beetles submerge beneath the broad blonde of the Book
I’m a witch now / turn your hair into snakes
Blonde I’m a witch now
What are you
The craft
The
Craft then if
I watched then if not blonde
Beetles submerge me beneath blonde brook of Book (I submerge into ocean machine of beetles) I submerge machine submarine shares

Beetles begin the submarine Bereshit / Book beetles beneath Book bereshit. Beetles burrow beneath the Book and harpoons hold up my body. Harpoons impale my body and blood metamorphoses body blonde wings (what are your lain into shakes what are you so blonde brunette but I look beetles). Beetles begin Book beneath my brain and blonde seeps into my brain. Blonde seeps into my beetle brain and I’m a witch now.
Blonde
Mickey in blonde
Brunette I mickey mouse the
You want mouse likes living and to likes me room blonde
No hug me
The Beetle Book barks Beetle Ben Body Book

What Came Before The Book

Content Warning: discussion of depression and suicidal ideation


I can’t remember what came first, us or the Book. What came first: Book arrives first flesh and first fire. The Book arrives bereshit blessingway and I arrive way Witch Woman. I arrive Women Witches and I dream too youth. I dream the youth YHVH asleep.

I can’t remember but I remember Kindred Book tangled Kindred Book
The asleep center last supper
Asleep the center semicircle last supper
Asleep centaur semicircle signature

I can’t remember but Book remembers body lighthouse house body steam fucked lone (Our love can put an end to this fucking world and I dream Kindred now fucking. Kindred dreams now fucking and now fucking and our love lifts ladder lighthouse many Books. I can’t remember what came first but Kindred reigns King Felix). Remember Kindred signature and signs gospel and gospel cycles epicycle epistemology. Gospel misremembers and repeats canonical gospels.


//
I recall / remember gospels and Book First Fire / Flesh

(We will go to the Trinity Monastery, and you will make bells and I will paint icons). I continue to paint incessantly: I write and rewrite the painted Book and the Book black body canvas. I paint and repaint the icon of Christina, and I cut her portraits into shaped-canvas minimalism. I pour paint over her face and her mouth emanates pink beam hydrogen bombs. Her mouth drops big fucking bombs. I paint and repaint the icon of Kindred and my mouth expands Philip K. Dick pink beams
Her mouth drop blonde
Mouth blossom ben breast

I breathe bereshit I breathe the Beetle Book bereshit Beetle Book bark Beetle Book bereshit / Book wings bridges Beetle Book bereshit Beetle Book bereshit breaks the beetle (Beetle breach beach / bark breathe books bereshit Book)
Break beach breaking Book beach
Break Book ben hinnom upward

Bereshit breaches ben hinnom upward, the coral reef of the Body Beach (The beach of the Body brooks beetles brush stroke ben bodies Beetle Book of Birth)
Her mouth drop beetles
Mouth break beach beetles

I recall / remember Book gospels and gospel Kindred
//


I can’t remember what came first, Kindred or the Book / Book arrives first flesh and first fire

I’m having a hard time, I say to Christina. I can’t articulate anything. I’m sorry you’re feeling that way, says C. Miles had a bad meltdown this morning. He said his brain was running away and he didn’t even want to try and get it. Relatable, I say. I figured, says C. He just wanted me to stop trying to help and just sit with him. He was late to school, but I told him sometimes the consequences are worth it when we need a break. I’m getting him an Icee for when I pick him up from school. I highly suggest you get yourself a treat, says Christina. I feel like dying often, I say. Same, man, she says. For me, it’s a part of life. I struggle with wanting to live. It doesn’t go away if I don’t acknowledge it. What’s your preferential response? I tend not to make a big deal, I think. I’m not sure how to deal with it, I say. I would love for you to learn to love yourself a little better, she says. Do you love yourself? I say. To some extent, says C. There are some parts of me that are harder to love than others. It’s something I continually work on. What parts are harder to love? I say. What some stoics call “the creature”, says C. Shes’ the one who comes out when I have bad depression. She doesn’t shower, she makes bad decisions, she’s a bad example for the kids, etc, says C.

I can’t remember what came first, us or the Book – Kindred or the Book – Book first first flesh and first fire Book arrives I tend not to live Book arrives it doesn’t go away if I don’t shower / she makes bad depression
First fires I’m trying treat if to having it
First I love a help


//
The Beetle Book barks the brash bash of my Beetle Book
(Book I don’t than hard and feel acknowledges others time)
My beetle body bursts open into the Oneiric Beach and Book Ouroboros / metamorphosis with beetles’ wings
I sit dying what’s something can’t with often your I articulate her
I’m was far I or sorry late me ties

Beetle Body brooks hooks rhizome blues Beetle Book

(I’m sorry you’re feeling that her. Muses had a pad meltdown this morning. He said his brain I am running away and he didn’t over wind to try to get it)

I listen to “The Microphones in 2020” by The Microphones. Its nostalgia and recollection of personal history resonates with me and I want to write my own nostalgic journey but it’s my first night back at work in a week and the night shift destroys my brain and I have no memory. My brain archive disappears with my dilapidated body. I copy Past Ben – he always wrote nostalgic beetles and beaches (Christina memory – Kindred memory – shared memory – our memory – before the Book).

The Kind Of Love I’m Talking About

The kind of love I’m talking about, you don’t try to kill people

My love kills cedars of lebanon: my love kills khora Love kills khora and khora reaches me and her name Reach I repeat her name mantra and mourning Mantra ray mania mourning / wounded other word

Love kills wounded word over

Love kills khora void in void abyss (an abyss of voided checks) Love kills my body pulverized to pulp (One More For The Road The strange story of two alcoholics: John Wycliff who tried to drown in sexual excess – and Carol Westbrooke who seeks frenzy in the bottom of a bottle) Bottle bottoms out wounded word over
Bottle remove word robust khora
I kills kisses
Kills kisses crayfish / crowbar kisses clamshell sawdust

I kills kisses canvas she’s easy to be with Christina easy to be with she doesn’t want me for a sunbeam I kills kisses Camille chromatic and Christina easy to be with (Summertime and the living is easy / there’s no crowds in the street and no sun in my own summer)

Does it make sense to say the Kindred is like partners without being partners? I say to Christina. I wouldn’t use the term, says Christina. I don’t consider you my partner. I see – I feel foolish then. I don’t see it as a foolish thought, says Christina. Just not ones I share. What would you consider me? I say. Friends, says C. Kindred is a special relationship, so I don’t have a word. I don’t need a word. But I recognize that you do. However, your need to work it out is officially approved by me. I trust your interpretations for yourself, says C. Yeah, I’m having difficulty with it, I say. I’m not sure what I’m feeling. Do I feel romantic love for you when I say partner? I would like to think it’s beyond that, but I might be shallow. I think you feel romantic love for me, says C. But there’s more too. And varied types of love / other feelings, says C. Is it bad to feel romantic love for you? I say. Depends on you! Christina says. How does it affect you? I have romantic feelings for you sometimes, but it’s not a feeling I feel very often toward anyone ever. I don’t think it’s bad, says C. That’s a little relief you feel it sometimes, I say. I was wondering if it contaminated the pureness of the Kindred or something like that. No, I think any sort of feelings only enrich it, says Christina. Even feelings like guilt or disappointment. It’s not a thing that will yield under pressure… It’s a thing that will be stronger because of it, says Christina.

The kind of love I’m talking about, you don’t try to kill people (find what you love and let it kill you)

My love kills cedars of lebanon khora (my love empties empty, the radical empty love)

Radical empty love kills and kills empty / empty pursues wounded over

Kiss bodies like a television where a where there’s more sense that would live that Kiss bodies like television – bodies like trains – bodies like steam
Kiss train I trust not a feelings
Steam it sometimes but it’s not a foolish the pureness official relations for you

I kills kisses bodies
Television bodies / train bodies / steam
Bodies steam steam holy spirit sparks
Steam body steam holy spirit sophia lesbos light house

I kiss my body killed into cedar television and steam khora. My body screams she’s such a steam, and my love empties her name and mantra and mourning. I kiss the wounded word over – I kill wounded words over.

The kind of love I’m talking about, you don’t try to kill people (find what you love and let it kill you)

My love kills: my love kills Ben Adam Love kills with autodeconstructive Love kills and reaches me in the kenosis of her name Her name repeats mass monster morphing Way ray ray mantra wounded other word (Word wounds slower and slower slowly Word. Word repeats slower mantra: trade mantra for the repetition of the way. Way kills the way of killing the way – find what you love and let it kill you. Let the Book kill me and my death emerges rebirth Book.)

Love kills; I do not kill others but the love itself kills. Love kills crowbar kisses (love kills kisses she’s easy to be with). Love kills with Christina and Christina loves me. Christina loves me in/complete. Christina kills Ben Adam repeats endless Christina and Kindred. Christina easy to be with doesn’t want me for a sunbeam. Christina kisses Camille chromatically and Christina’s easy to be with. Love kisses summertime and the living is easy; there’s no crowds in the street and no sun in my own summer.

You don’t try to kill people but I try to kill myself in love

More born possibility in death – rebirth More torn born tonality tonal tenor saxophone improvisation
Love improvises death
Love improvises will kill

Love turns into tenor death rotate love (Death body naked arrival arrive new nude painting. I paint novenas to Mary Mother of god and I give new love gnosis. Give sieve go – go sieve weave sleeve gnostic love and killing numbers – prime numbers and sexy primes – give painted primes innumerable pigment numbers.)

Love kills me and kills. Love kills dead end? Dead refrain insane in the membrane. Dead chorus nitric acid passages (arctic passages – northwest passages – passions revisionist western). Dead end? Seven sermons to the dead. Seven sermons sermon novenas transfiguration Taryns. Dead end? Slower.

You don’t try to kill me and Book kisses all too slow dead end

You don’t try to kill dead end transfiguration (write and prophesy – figure it out later – figure out what to do later)
Kiss kill kiss
Keep kiss kill – dead end?
Dead end? End but space. Gnosis catches palm tree garden and dead end slow kissing killing.

Dead end signals Book kills me and I struggle to escape the Book Death. Dead end drops out dead (Book of the Dead gnostic necronomicon. I sleep into repetition kisses dead...)

I Laid Down In Different Deaths

I laid down last night anywhere: laid down last night divided symmetry-antisymmetry

I laid down last night antisymmetrical (symmetrical void: that is, non-existent symmetry and void of symmetry)

Laid down differences: differ symmetry-antisymmetry differs Laid down difference everywhere I laid down difference

Difference here and difference here: the simple picking up and laying down of material. Differing materials make symmetrical in difference and make antisymmetrical in similarity. Difference in death: death shrouds itself over all anti/symmetries and its singularity explodes into an always material.

(The hypothesis of the death instinct, the task of which to lead organic life back into the animate state)
Death instinct lays down the material death and death and death difference only. Death instinct incarnates into impossible iron ingot of a block body without electricity. I awake into the awake my body. Makes awake without electricity. Different symmetries does not create different deaths. Death drives absurd death absolutely death drinking death instinct.)

Lay dead not play dead. Death plays without forgiveness

(Can urge in organic life to return to an earlier state of things – the inorganic state from which life originally emerged.)

Christina drinks death drinking to return to her inorganic origins / my body on its own empties into the sickness of the abyss and my body as an autoimmune disease seeks its own destruction

Does this difference differ in death? No: the death pervades invades destruction without completion. I lay down in death. I lay down death awake death and death into the wake indeterminate death. Laid down last night a difference by difference all different deaths all identical deaths. Death and my difference by its difference drives instinctual asymmetry – void of symmetry and original void symmetry.

I laid down last night as prepared different asymmetries, all deaths of death

All ways this death death damn death all went here death to more core death sample symmetry – plunderphonic asymmetry lay down death death lay down anytime Laid last night salted death dressed instinctual original (originalities singularities allways death)

Dark death difference distance dark symmetry: antisymmetry instinct autodestruction
(Weeknights 6:00 color
STAR TREK
Tonight: dying planet destroy
investigating earth team and
mesmerizes Enterprise crew)
Death mesmerizes ancestral memory shakes my vertical body to return to the radially horizontal (my human arms slowly transforms into starfish anti/symmetry)

I laid down differ difference but all lead to death – all lead to my death. I accept death hidden in my bones and at every opportunity, my marrow tries to revolt and kill me (Bone are not concepts but they are constraints). I accelerate towards bone: I accelerate tornado trombone bone.

I laid down death repeated death and death and death repetition laid down / darks difference laying material

I had to return to darkness. I couldn’t stand the sun. I never wish to be easily defined.

I return to that original death that simultaneously destroys and sprouts life
(From the sun came fire – people to incinerate all mankind!
The Cremators. Great balls of fire: Scorching! Ravaging! Engulfing!

Scorching aleatoric fire Ravaging indeterminate fire Engulfing improvised fire


//
I am not well. I could have built the pyramids with the effort it takes to cling onto life to reason…
Difference. Difference. No difference but the difference Ben and Franz Kafka difference – difference Ben and Philip K. Dick – difference Ben and David Foster Wallace. Difference destructions instinct for destructions.
Destroy Book. Destroy Book. Wipe it out like Earth Team. Incinerate it with ravaging fires. Destroy Book which doesn’t body but gods immanent everywhere – in/visible a/symmetry
Death I am not well (I want to be well I want to be well I’m not fucking around)
Destroy de deep well deep ocean de well figure it out later Figure instinct laid darkness all death de quotations
I work the death here bone laid as up and down materials

I am not well. I could have built the pyramids with the effort it takes to cling onto life to reason… I cannot make you understand. I cannot make anyone understand what is happening inside me. I cannot even explain it to myself…

Different but difference no different but my original horizon – no difference horizontal Franz Kafka. Ben and horizontal Philip K. Dick difference. Ben and horizontal David Foster Wallace difference. (I suddenly experience déjà vu and I write this before. I have written this before. I have written horizontal l David Foster Wallace before and this very sentence – different death. I am not well. I build pyramids and I construct additional pylons. Destroy the book. Depersonalization / derealization: destroy the Book.)

Differences: differ symmetry asymmetry differs. Divide destroy Book. I am not well. I lived this all before. I lived all lives pyramidal anxiety pyramid schemes. I laid down last night night body. I laid down body bodied me all return original. I laid down ordinary night death awake. Awake into laid down death without electricity. Destroy the book: destroy the night body I’ve experienced. I’ve experienced this. And this – and this written a/symmetrical. Aggressive asymmetry.

I laid down last night death without electricity / bone death Bone constraints necrotic night body My differences lived again death
(300 years old! Human blood keeps them alive together!
Hotel Horror just ring for doom service)

This self-destructive difference feels differently honest although I do not understand myself

It’s Just To Make Music

I anticipate aleatoric fire     I spirit a spontaneous fire / fire burn brush bones unpredictable crackles     Fire burn bone buildings and skeleton skyscrapers (bone Tower of Babel overlaps bone of hosts cackle witch crackles)     Bones lift up unpredictable demolition falls

I thought I had invented a new type of improvisation; I now know I was merely the first not to sign my name

Improvisation overlaps aleatoric bone architecture. Improvisation begins bore and I burn bone with invisible fires / dark fires. Bone obscured the first vision and clears second and third visions. I dream excessive dark and fires keep the deprivation tanks. Tank improvises tunnel-turret-turnpike bunker. I hurdle in body over the balancing and fall into the pit of cave and bear bones. I turn my tank through the skeleton skyscraper suicides. Tank improvises dark fires in turret-turret-turning torso – shell hell death with cell water torture.


//
Bone anticipates dark / death – Death said hells cell calls dead malls walls
Wall wall stall waterfall
Bone waterfall fell dark fires
Wall wall stall skull pile

I improvise the Book and I am at the vessel through which the Book passes through, but I always feel like an impostor. I feel as a rhizomic monstrosity. I make bone and arrive at bone earlier fire and earlier death… I always feel like an impostor, a false prophet, and my body collapses into jelly boneless. I always feel like an impostor…

I deliberately drop death death didn’t Death didn’t wail art as drop art asphyxiates with plastic bag

I deliberately dark fire on light fire remains dark fires Anticipate dark fire-bonfire-fire placed on the mantle-mandible local maximums
//


I anticipate aleatoric fire The performance varies an exactly notated single line melody by freely repeating note groups

The flute is really cool, says Asia. It’s not too much a stretch to imagine some primates inventing “sharp stick” but musical instruments do feel more human. That’s not a tool for survival – it’s just to make music, says Asia.

I thought I had invented a new type of music – a new type of fire – a new type of bone – a new kind of body I invent / Book invents Book improvises I invent music woman woman blessing woman first woman it’s just to make music (The smoke is deeply cool. It’s not too much of a stretch some prime numbers inventing “sharp stick” but musical instrument do feel more names. Swans not a peak for survival – it’s just to make music.)

I name to music woman’s way name music woman way melody / flute flesh

Woman’s way anticipates fat fulfillment of the last / fingernails on the bells tremolo Woman wings without wings double fugue melody (I just write music and the notes go here, there, wherever)
I just write music it’s not too much of a stretch to make musical instruments do feel more human
It’s not too much of a stretch not too much musical instruments anticipate the way
Anticipates bore way fire way music do feel more human do music

I anticipate anarchic fire: anticipate too primates too survival (much more inventing anticipate inventing anticipation)


//
Dark bones set sharp fire death

I hang long latitudes and longitudes I long hang hell cell death’s-head moth (I log hay mothlight – bone light – woman way fat invisible fires) I hang primordial ocean and quick chaos

Primordial ocean a stick that’s make really stretch not sharp

Primordial ocean hang lateral over chaos terrain
Hang long line telephone wire stochastic thermodynamics
(The flute poetry is cool. It’s not too much of a stretch to imagine some primates inventing “stung stick” but musical instruments do beer more human. That’s not a tool for survival – it’s just to make a music)
I write to survive sharp stick – strong stick. Hung stick. I write to survive and survive in music women and woman bone fire and women ways aleatoric deaths. I hang with stochastic thermodynamic fires / I slide down thermodynamic trombones and survive in ocean fires.

Dark bones set sharp fire death
//


I anticipate an aleatoric fire: I spent sharp spontaneous fires. The fires crack bones and bone divines way into way into musics. I just write music and the notes here, there, whereever.

YHVH said; YHVH threw into confusion; YHVH listens; surely YHVH…

YHVH says; YHVH throws into confusion; YHVH listens; surely amen YHVH and surely open YHVH

I anticipate fire aleatoric fires: fire here, fire there wherever (The lion; the fierce lion; the young lion The tiger; the fierce tiger; the Tiger Taryn Tiger Taryn YHVH as Young YHVH Taryn Young YHVH and Young Benjamin)

I anticipate aleatoric fires: fires so here, fires here, fires wherever. Anticipate fires that’s not too much a stretch to make music not to imagine some primates inventing. Anticipate fires with sharp stick and sharp three steles of seth.

I anticipate aleatoric fires and again I saw – then I saw so turned to consider – I have also seen – I turned my mind to know and to search out and to seek… I anticipate the melodies on fire. I anticipate fiery music (The funniest thing about the whole thing was that there was the most soothing music playing while I was running back to my other base to grab a fucking bucket before my house burned down, says Asia)