Content warning: discussion of SA, horror, body horror



Zero the corrosive number: I translate her zero into further zero     I translate zero transformed zero and zero rotates zero     I rotate zero corrosion tower of babel     I learn her zero – Christina zero, Zoe zero, Shekinah at the zero and beyond the zero – and her zero corrodes numbers the number of texts   (Prophesy this corrosive text and text nothing nothing not automatically but wrestle accidental / non-accidental divine happenings. To let the divine in, one must fuck up the text at the zero.)     Zero text doesn’t contain but diverges oblivion

Zero the corrosive number (Body needles needle nostril napalm – napalm corrosive number   Name corrosive number   Stanzas cannot be combined: zero and non-zero cannot be contained by the stanza sustained)

What is the zero and how does the zero corrode numbers?  Zero is almost god: zero appears in the center that’s nowhere and the circumference that’s everywhere.  Zero adjusts agitation within its zero, its fuzzy haze electron clouds.  The zero of the Book happens in the multidirectional intersection of Body (Body horror), Book, braided god twists, Woman at the zero and within the zero.  The zero corrodes my autopilot and unawareness: zero makes the moment moment, and this moment hits body zero: zero movement, zero memory, memorial zero archive disappearing in its archiving.  Zero corrodes my body because I start Bereshit and skeletal chaos.  I prophesy a tense chaos and an unstable chaos and chaos corrodes what I pretend remains certain.  I let in the corrosive zero and body horror chaos.

Zero the corrosive number dissolves ben body in macerated chaos (He died alone in the field one summer morning.  Six weeks later, a sunflower grew out of his head.)


//
Animal body stains black my body at corrosive zero

Animal body stains black burn warts / body horror the gospel of Jesus anointed, a Son of God     Son of God gland grand guinol     Body horror deal gods     My body grows dead and dead sprouts out of my head solar anus sunflowers     I give gods from the zero and my skull explodes dead gods gore oddities

(Body horror abstract aleatoric     Body horror body blankets gore splattered monochromatic paintings     Body horror monochromatic crystal cubist)

Arrive at the zero from the zero     From zero, count corrosive numbers and build up chaoses

I dream an altered number reviled in bloody streets and bloody chaoses and violence interrupts violence / zero translated at the top of my body     Violence abrupts violence body horror and violence always takes precedent (Nothing so appalling in the annals of horror!   You’ll recoil and shudder as you witness the slaughter and mutilation of nubile young girls in a weird and horrific ancient rite!   Blood Freak   More grisly than ever in blood color!)     Violence abrupts violence body horror horn laugh noise happens (blood feast happens as abrupt bloody rites)     Horned horror happens to happen abstract dreams and terrifying thaumaturgical drama     I horror the horror abstract dreams liturgical drama


//
Can I talk to you about something in regards to upsetting elements used in creative works? I ask Christina.  Sure, she says.  OK, I wrote an essay to Asia.  Do you mind me copying and pasting it with minor edits?  Not at all, says C.


So on Instagram there is a page called Horror Nostalgia and they post horror fiction stuff.  They posted a scene from the horror movie Jack Frost (Not to be confused with the family film) and it was a clip from one of its most infamous scenes that involves a snowman sexually assaulting a woman. 
I have seen the scene before; it’s considered one of the most bizarre and ill-conceived scenes in horror films.  So it wasn’t a surprise to me that comment section was a disaster though, comments trying to explain how tags like horror comedy and regarding it as comedy undermined the traumatic experiences people, specifically women, go through.
Great comments I thought but many people were calling those people snowflakes and to get out of horror, do you have issues with horror movies showing murder, etc.  
That’s the double edged sword of horror to an extent.  It allows a sort of expression and catharsis of the negativity of capitalist society (e.g. Texas Chain Saw Massacre is well known for this) but I also realize it’s an excuse for assholes to be racist and misogynist under the guise of “hey bro, it’s fiction.”

It’s kind of funny because I watched that movie this year (and Thanksgiving which has a similar scene with a turkey), says Christina.  I kind of had the opposite take away, she says.  Asia thinks rape should never be joked about, and how that’s dehumanizing, I say.  I told her I hesitate to make such blanket statements because bans make those concepts more transgressive and coupled with negative energies… Could you tell me your takeaway?  I’ve been trying to find a balance between twitter-warrior-white-woman-guilt-nothing-is-funny and nothing-is-my-business, says Christina.  Rape is a really tough subject.  But at it’s core, it’s not tougher than murder.  People talk about rape being more traumatic because it’s more personal or because it happens to women more or the victim typically survives.  But I don’t think that’s the case, she says.  I think the opposite, but that’s OK, I say.  Your experiences are important and I haven’t dealt with that directly, I say.  I think the gut reaction of “rape can’t be a part of entertainment” has to do with society’s treatment of women and rape, says Christina.  Everyone knows that murder is bad; there’s very little wiggle room.  But with rape, the US has some serious atoning to do.  We have a rape culture where all the onus is on women.  It’s not fair to anyone… I’ll get back to my point later… You think the opposite of what part?  It seems to me that rape is worse than murder, I say.  We get to disagree! says C.  You don’t have to treat it with kid’s gloves or anything, promise.  I feel I would rather be murdered, I say.  Hard disagree, says C.  I like being alive.  Being raped sucks.  He took a big part of me.  But it was still just a part.  I also don’t know why you think horror comedy is OK, so we can talk about that too if you don’t mind sharing.  I’ll go based on my own ideas why I think horror comedy is OK, says C.  What do you mean by horror comedy? I say.  I guess where horror things are treated with comedic lens, says C.  This is what I wrote Asia, I say.

Although I hesitate to ban a concept like that completely because those type of verboten concepts make the ideas transgressive and coupled with negative energy.
Rather I would say that kind of dark comedy needs to be treated carefully and in context.
I think there has to be a cathartic and auto-deconstructing process involved.
Otherwise the negative energy builds up and explodes and is made negatively useful by assholes.
Now what those kind of contexts are I can’t say exactly…
But it’s also a reminder in a more general way: utilizing body horror, Christianity contaminated by queer imagery, pornography – those are all themes I deal with and I cannot write those themes for merely the sake of being transgressive.  There has to be compassion and love.

To add on to that, I say to C, I feel I have personal experiences with being queer, Christian, hating my body and body horror, and pornography.  I feel I can say something about those.  I don’t feel I could say something about SA.  Me writing about your SA in the Book was a mistake on my part and if I ever publish the Book, I would cut it, I say.  I was going to say the responsibility is mostly on the society consuming the media, says C.  Moving pictures of a snowman raping a woman EXISTING isn’t necessarily my business.  But as a society that perceives rape as humorous before doing the work of reversing the rape culture IS my business… But you’ve done some of the work with me.  You’ve asked questions and not turned away.  You loved me.  You were at my house to see the results of the pregnancy test.  And you grew and learned over the years.  I think that’s enough work to write it, says Christina.  I did, I say.  I basically used all your words for that section.  If you feel I should leave it, then I would feel OK about leaving it, I say.  I do, says Christina.  Not everyone writes rape with love.  I think it would be a positive thing, she says.  OK, I will leave it in, I say.  Looking back at it, I wasn’t sure what my motivation was.  I felt I write everything about Christina and so I should find a way to write about this experience that negatively impacted her life.  But I’m not sure it was with the love or compassion necessary at the time.  That’s why I feel personally negative about me doing it.  I still feel like I was trying to speak indirectly for you, I say.  That’s a good insight, says Christina.  Maybe add footnotes or rewrite.  Or take it out!  I think you have a good handle on your motivations and how those have evolved, says C.
//


How do I navigate from this conversation?  To get back to the zero?  This must be the zero, the transgression of the zero towards zero and the horrific zero

I learn from the zero and I wait with the zero: I wait for the zero with the zero     I learn zero point body horror (I feel tired of my body – this forty year old body with low back aches and hip aches and groin aches.  I need to discard my body – give up last cup last supper.  I discard my nonsense body spiral hyle spread horror.  I fill up the rest of the space with slow door horror.)

I wait at zero, my body abstracted into dream hallucinations and psyops

I build a world of abstract dreams and wait for you: I wait at the zero point of my horrific body and I wait woman with zero (that’s the double edge sword of horror)

That’s the double edge sword of horror: you’ll witness the slaughter and mutilation of young girls (And that’s personally why I could never get into horror.  Too much of it is making a spectacle of suffering and turning the mutilation of already marginalized bodies into entertainment).

I wait at the zero of my mutilated body / I wait zero my female body abstracted through gory massacres


//
I learn her zero to the zero: I learn her zero from her zero.  I wait in the zero of my massacred body

I wait woman     I wait woman beware     Beware I wait woman beware a more open word flexible fluxus     (Cut a loom life into you are)     More I a do not abhor the word move but await sit the zero (And that’s personally why I could focus get into permit.  Too much of it is making a spectacle of suffering and wasting the maturation of adulteress alligators gabled into entertainment.)

I wait woman abstract dreams and my body cut abstract expressionist by the blood feast     I wait woman beware open and this poem eats your hands your arms your legs (they eat your eyes they eat your nose they eat the jelly between your toes)     Beware I wait woman beware blood feast zero

I wait my androgynous womanhood at the zero and zero more a la massacre or (Motor Psycho!   Cycle maniacs assaulting and killing for thrills!)

I learn her zero to the zero of my dismembered body / I wait zero beware my body splattercore spectacle
//


I learn zero to corrosive number: sustained zero in the reverberating haze of shoegaze (sustained zero longer gory single slug zero)     I sustain zero further my flesh zeros out (And that’s personally sky I could never get into horror.  Too much of it is making a spectacle of discovering and burned the cacophony of inroads marginalized bodies into entertainment.)     My body entertains zero / zero entertains my body wait waste big blood     Zero the corrosive number needles my body dead acupuncture and the points eat your eyes eat your nose they eat the jelly between your toes

(My flesh zeros out: my flesh with the zero and beyond the zero)

I obsess with horror and especially body horror, and even admire body horror.  Body horror reminds me of my body, and I despise my body, and I want to tear it apart and autocannibalize it.  I obsess with my male body transformed female through horror.  The horror of body reveals reality of body: its simultaneous resilience and vulnerability.  My body appears on the visions of the cross with zero stations of the cross.  My body hikes herma and hydra horror – multidirectional horror and multiple horrors in radical zero multiplicity.  Crucifixion fixes my body to the zero: my body breaks open radical crucifixion and the radical blood feast of crucifixions.  The radical interrupt massacres my body in blood eruption – eruption of blood and water separately – and my crucifixion marries heaven and hell.  My crucifixion marries mutilated heaven and hell, and hydra body horror heaven and hell.  I obsess with a hellish body interrupted holy holy holy and holy holy holy horrific hermeneutics (I reinterpret my body in the radical zero of horror).  Hermeneutics opens my body vulnerable to crucifixion but my resilient body never dies but resides in perpetual suffering (pulsing Prometheus).

I count with the zero and beyond the zero (And that’s personally why I could never get into horror.  Too much of making it a spectacle of suffering and joggers two mutilation of already nonpolitical cozens into entertainment.)

I count with the zero and beyond the zero: my body zeroed out in horrific murder (Bolt your doors, lock your windows.  There’s something in the fog!  The Fog)

I count with the zero and beyond the zero (body empty excess excessively empty my body entirely cavity).
I count impossible: impossible without the idea of counting.  To imagine the numbers.  Repeating an identical act, a particular mark over and over.
Impossible body horror.  Without the idea of counting bodies but too many bodies, too many mass graves.  Repeating an identical murder and mutilation, the particular mark cutting into my body over and over.


//
The woman in the leitmotif of the Book, the shifting Ben Adam through variations of Palm Tree Garden     The woman is the idée fixe of the Book, a Christina monomania in the zero and beyond the zero (Zero.  Zero body horror on her zero.  He took a fixed part of me.  But it was still just a part.  Comedy is don’t know why you their mark horror.  So we can talk about that too if you don’t mind slayers.  I go on based on my I’ll unread of why.  I think horror is comedy at.)

I wait woman     I wait woman beware she swallows my body and spits out bones     Beware I wait woman beware a more open word word flexible fluxus     More not abhor the word move zero and I mean a maximalism: maximal more maximal blue-black (blue zero and point zero black and I await woman beware)

My body beware more material and I do not abhor material but mix more and more zero (It connects to a lot of themes that you write about, says Asia.  The sexual nature of the divine, body horror, yearning.)     More material mix more and more of themes that you write about and about the sexual nature of the divine, body horror, yearning zero horror yearning you write

I wait woman beware and my body beware and I possess material interrupted material.  I wait and rewrite my body terrific / horrific (Happy Birthday To Me   Six of the most bizarre murders you will ever see)     I wait written rewritten word beware – sign massacre and sigil mutilation

I learn the zero to the zero, and zero syllables wave I wait woman     I wait woman – beware this writing and beware this zero and more I do not abhor the word more more but I terrify radical material     I terrify crucifixions and crucifixion detach or a lot of themes that you write about, the napalm nature of the divine, comedy horror, yearning

I stumble over the zero: I stall over woman shoegaze and my flexible flesh flows zero and circulates zero.  My flesh circulates nature of the divine, body horror, yearning sexual nature of the divine, body horror, yearning sexual nature of the theme, that you write about.

I learn her zero to her zero and I yearn zero body horror     I write body horror zero     I learn the zero connects to a kid of crisis that you slice about medium nature of the divine, body within yearning