Write Badly

I feel paralyzed by my writing process: I stumble over and behind the writing, but less and less often into and onto the writing     Part of the paralysis: I have so much raw material and too much raw material and so much to write     So much write: I want to write everything and I do write everything but how much more everything I need to write!     I feel overwhelmed and I feel finally the crashing simultaneity of all these myths and narratives here now crash me     Car crash smash burgers bloated barfire decay     Book decays juggler disaster atom bomb fuck FUCK     I find some success in expression – the sort of inspired spontaneous expression I search for other – in freer writing and brainstorming in my open notebooks     My brain blocks up my brain cuban missile crisis blockade writing this “main” notebook, but the divisions between notebooks exists only as something imaginary in my head     I tell myself over and over again: cease being precious with any page or any notebook or even any medium and just WRITE and CREATE     WRITE and CREATE even without the critique of Asia in the moment if you have to – let her critique it after and you can learn accordingly but in the moment CREATE     Splatter this shit everywhere and everywhen and figure out what the fuck it means later

I recall the letter Sol Lewitt wrote to Eva Hesse:  “Do more.  More nonsensical, more crazy, more machines, more breasts, penises, cunts, whatever – make them abound with nonsense…”     I think one reason his letter still resonates: the advice is practical and anyone can do the advice     Anyone can DO something – anything – including nonsense, pornography, bad shit     I make a lot of bad shit and I have to stop connecting it with my overall ability as a writer and worth as a person – Asia unconditionally loves and cares for me even if I’m a bad writer     She of course doesn’t think I write badly – she even thinks I write good, but also knows I can write better     Write badly     But remember: churning out shit is an essential part of that process     Turmoil, doubt, and frustration are part of that process     Don’t let stop you from making and writing keep making and writing even if it’s bad and make the bad transparent and part of the process

I write naked ugly     I write naked ugly my body grotesque carnival and I learn to accept the absurd nonsense of my flesh     I accept and produce my nonsense cock and absurd asshole     I go back to the room and write

The question of: How does this line relate to any other line and how does any stanza relate to any other stanza (I have given into calling them stanzas rather than paragraphs) and how does any page relate to any other page     It relates through rhizome refrain, rhizomic repetition, rhizomic rupture (There is a rupture in the rhizome whenever sedimentary lines explode into a light of flight, but the lien of flight is part of the rhizome)     Rhizome refrain rhizome repetition rhizome rupture rupture rhizome

Ten-in-One Taryn tenebroso / my extracted cranium cooks part of the candlelight tradition     Ten-in-One stun gun bull run blind bastard other my other body in sections intense tents     Ten-in-One punctures my blood-brain barrier a permeable pigment that fucks my intercranial pressure

One orbits anything     Ten-in-One orbits anything     I am the Alpha and Omega     Orbit ten-in-one alpha and omega ordinary language philosophy     Ten-in-One terra bella haunted horses / my childhood hauntology hauntology hauntologies my brain hugged by hyssop

I feel I fail the writing     I rewrite the rupture and rapture     I rewrite rewrite rhizome rewrite: I write redder river transparent     Transparent blood transparent bone     I write bone blade drill bore bone / Play!  Fill it up with sound!     Write rhizome bone home both directions at once     Both directions at once bone burr bare bone     I go back to the room and write

Write more flexible fluxus open flux fluxus     Write transparent blood transparent bone     I transpose the bone open then orbit microtonal     Play!  Fill it up with sound!    Sound bone bone sonar     Sound bone decoheres desynchronized / bone separating into sound lamina     I look for bigger bone sound: larger bone sound larger book sound she lights the lights     She lights the lights ten-in-one tabernacle

She lights the lights ten-in-one bound sound tabernacle     Tabernacle sounds solar bone bent bone saw redux and redaction

She lights the lights ten-in-one bone tenor saxophone and I blow multiphonic flesh flows time fears no window     I blow multiphonic flesh bowed bone cranium arrow     She lights the lights tenor saxophone curl chest tubes conveyor belt into bone

Ten-in-One tents torture garden bodies bodies forked flesh garden of forking paths     I fling my body ten-in-one alpha and omega tenor saxophone / tenor ten tent bells and prophecies

Ten-in-One tent     Ten-in-One tabernacle     Tabernacle shining blank scars burn way down     ben bodies burn straight bone blank verse vine vine vertigo     Bodies burn ben book blasphemy / blue blastoise barbed bomb large bathers     My eyes inset insert burning barbed wire     Barbed wire whistle while you work walkman the whip and the body     Ben bodies burn whip and the body     Whip and the body I feel eye conscious of the cymbals     I soak crash cymbals holy spirit a scotch / strychnine bourbon

I stretch tent and I stretch time     My body times my body times the performance is actually a continuous melody / medley, containing themes from Truth Is Marching In, Holy Ghost, Infinite Spirit, Bells, Our Prayer, Ghosts…)     Body times my body ghost time and spirit time

Ten-in-One tabernacle shines blank scars burn way down     Down my body detuned down     Ben body drop tuning star of county down     Blank scars bore stand stir additional bone     Scars burn down detuned bone bare shoulder taryn star aquatint

(Write nonlinear nonsense     I write her name nonlinear nonsense summa theologica monstrosities     Monstrous vibrations adamantium momentum nonsense     Write nonlinear optics ten-in-one cadaver oil ouroboros     Cabaret bone book battering ram rascal) (Battering ram – not a phrase I feel fond for because my rain defaults to BATTERING RAM for alliterative verse purposes     Fuck battering rams but then I find a different language: a raw unrobed ram that seizes tare as rhizome rabid scripture tricksters) (Trickster through silver in bloody / DMX flesh of my flesh blood of my blood)

Here the secret words which Jesus the Living spoke, and which Didymus Judas Thomas wrote down